Grace Cannot Be Understood - 17th September 2018

Yes, yes. I don't know that. I know that. So that which is aware of presence is for me the real me. So not me, me. Not really the picture of the big guy that we got. Nothing did. Like the little 'I' is dropped. What happens in my body, yeah, there's no need for effort. But there is slowly coming a shift where it's easily known. But you know, it's like it's flip-flop. It's not always like that. Sometimes, you know, before I came to worship from justice, I was... I mean, they said relax, relax. I feel like I was training to your venue. So unnatural. You don't have to, you just have to relax and you know. But he did say, but there is a settling down. There's a settling down. It comes with grace, isn't it? It's purely because of you.

What does grace mean?

Grace? Grace is something that we can say, and everything is grace at one level. At another level, we can say it is a seeming undeserved blessing is grace. But even more important, I feel like grace is not something that you can understand. Not something that you can understand.

All this is grace. If you look like this for three minutes, then grace will occur. There's no manual for this. There's no saying 'this is grace' so that is grace. It cannot be put in a box. So if it is grace, then and if this is clear, then can struggle be anymore? No matter what you struggle, you can only struggle for something which is... and you gave quantitative, qualitative. In this world, what can you do to make grace happen? What can you do that this will not happen? That you cannot. Like this, I'm pointing you to something where all of this is now a very natural way. I mean, the mind and intellect, it is known in an unnatural way. So when we try to capture it here, then it becomes a strain, even the best seeming knowledge. So when you let go of this device, then you find as a simple sahaja everything. Because to apply mental concept to anything is to see a crazy example. Say suppose you heard a song yesterday and you're trying to get there. How... what is the kilogram weight of that song? Is it? So to capture the ultimate reality, if there is such a thing, using these mental motions, it's trying to tell me that that song was very nice, it weighed 3 kgs. You see, it makes no sense because reality is beyond this sort of complaint. Now, without any of these ideas, what is there? There's nothing to relax into it. There's a very natural thing that's very magical.

What makes us or not? When you try to do it now, though, that would be natural. Try to become unnatural near you. You have shown me that so many times. Yeah, so this is how you do. So again, the buffet's in front of you. You know what you're asking. But I have had this buffet so many times in the past. I thought it's too easy, so easy and simple. So simple, man. This is if please new chapter and you don't know that chapter. You've stopped those verses also. And why can't I get it? Why can't I hold on to it? Why can't it always be like this? Why does he answer my questions in this way? I don't... I scan the abundance of the Self for something easy. But you have to bless me with that, you know that. Don't... can you bet is not valid anybody, you know. Unfolding is there and you have challenges in challenges coming through, thrown at you from many, many. The challenges are coming for me and I am so... although I don't have, you know, regular work, I've got a lot of work. And your challenges, whether the club level or yourself, am I... I am referring to that which is unfolding and lot of challenge in the busyness and lot of pressures and you know, who the holding the flower. But I'll be management saying and the client seeing and all the flowers are you thinking, 'That's all my degrees, that's too much. The sun is burning today, how will I do it?' But I still do. You can't. What do you say? Something gets cleaned up. Yeah, it's cool.

This is important, okay. To make the claim that we know what something is, including to know it is a problem, that becomes like an avoidance of just what it is now. It may sound like in satsang that when I'm asking you to drop the labels of it, it can feel like, 'Oh, it can't be that easy. This is just some sort of avoidance or bypass.' But it is the label or the idea that we know what this is which is the actual avoidance. Because what happens is once we call something 'problem,' then what happens is you put it in the box of all the previous problems, everything else we will define as problems and how we dealt with it. And this is... this is what it is in the meeting it from with reference from the past. But without that label, it is meeting it for what it is now. The mind plays a trick and it tells you that, 'Ah, do not label it is an avoidance. You're trying to avoid your problems.' But it is not that. It is the labeling of something and presuming that it is something similar to what happened in the past. It is 'I know what it is, I can define it in this field.' That is the actual avoiding of meeting it. Making you see, meeting it completely open. So, and in our definition of it, not only do we end up defining it, but most problematically, we end up defining ourselves. If you already have called something a problem, then we can't meet it fully. It's like if you define somebody, 'This is a problem character,' you will never hug it more laterally. If you define the problem character, easy, this is the thing. So any event, any situation, everything that we end up going from a preconceived notion then... Now, the best part about life is that in a way you to say something is that it only has to be met in this moment. It only has to be met in this moment. And there's actually never a problem in this moment. It seems strange and you might say, 'Oh, that's because we are sitting in satsang' or you know, the presence is here or something. We actually just look. There's never really a problem in this moment. Problem relies on past and future, but life does not have to be met in that video projection.

The possibility... where is the one that was here five minutes ago? Especially, I mean, if it is fresh, I think this is what I'm saying. Very good. This is what I'm looking at also. Suppose this is another one, I'll pick this one now. This one that had the one on this fingers, I don't have one now. That changed. And this is a number to me and I tell you this body is changed as I've seen many things are transformed like that. No time is it. So now this one is here. Where is another one? It's gone. No. Then who came into the future? Now there's an Ananta three. So there is an Ananta two. It's only in the idea of the past. Did that one come into the future? No. This one is completely fresh, like you said. It's completely fresh. So this one three and now gone to the death of the past or to the idea of the past. So are things coming to go into the future, or are things coming so that they can die in the past? Like you can have this idea and I'm coming and this one is moving into the future, easy. But is this true? But this one, it never see that what you call the future, it is well... it is just confined to the grave of the past. So this idea of moving and stillness doesn't really apply to reality until we keep defining ourselves in these terms, until we keep separating and saying, 'Okay, perspective.' We nearly do that at times, but the thing is that all of these are just made-up ideas. Now, were Ananta one, two, three, four... something was different about all of them in terms of the manifest appearance, and yet in reality, in Atma, same.

So does that mean that memory has no role to play at all? Memory is what I know you say right now. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying what is it? It's an image. Now, that image, is it past or future? It's appearing in the present now. Right now, there is no memory that appears in the future. There might be an image which comes which seems to represent something from the past, but we've seen that that claim is many times invalid. So does it mean that we had some experience with someone and when they come there you should totally forget that experience? Could you? We can if we try, but wouldn't that also be a conditioning? If you could meet every moment fresh without any condition, is it not even the condition that 'he did this to me, so I better forget it' or something like that? Yes, it's not cheese. So it has a small... everything has a small role. Less the senses and small or big actually doesn't apply in this way of appearances. Because from what you described here, here it was understood that no memory at all, no past at all. Is that what you say? I am saying that what is it except an idea, a notion? What is the difference between past and future? Yes. So if they're just notions, then even these notions, though whether they're meaningful or meaningless, don't apply. And that mind cannot understand what one's answers... they should forget or should be just total pocket or completely remember. I think that is the motion like that you can do anything. Yeah, but it wants to know. The whole paradigm itself is flawed because 'should I do this or should I do that' both are itself ordinary means. Everything that the mind understands is only a version of the truth. It is never the truth itself, and no version of the truth is actually true. So Guruji's sneaking around Krishna's one statement, he says that it's like a... the intellect is like a stream of water. If you dig you...

Total pocket or completely remember? I think that is the motion like that. You can do anything, yeah, but it wants to know. The whole paradigm itself is flawed because 'Should I do this or should I do that?'—both are itself ordinary. It means everything that the mind understands is only a version of the truth; it is never the truth itself, and no version of the truth is actually true. So, Guruji was sneaking around Krishna's one statement. He says that the intellect is like a stream of water: if you dig your hand too deep, you will only get mud, but if you just get a little bit on the surface, then you will be able to drink water.

So, what's on the surface is that you understand now that you can't understand. That is also intellect. You have the notion that no notions are truth. Is that me? Maybe. So this also, all of this, is also an intellect, but they do not become conditions for you because they play the role of clean-up, in a sense. You're not beginning to model individuality with ease. After you have a few sips, what should happen? If you dig in too much, then it's muddy. You can have some shallow sips. And the shallow sips, then what should happen when stirred? Okay, so is it when stirred? Yeah.

So to this, the mind gives that bastard: how do you know whether you had enough sips or not? I think the suffering is the biggest indicator. You know that you still need more, that you haven't had enough. So, I think here it was taking up this idea that intellect at all... the way your statement... but yes, but the thing is that that is not going to let me.

Yeah, and I say this almost every day: the mind only knows these opposites. Yeah, this is my intellect cases, or intellect know. Either meaning or meaningless, neither the world nor non-dual, neither—nothing is applicable. The one who's trying to understand cannot. Anything that's what we understood, this can sit in a way. That's what I'm saying. Just like you can't measure the weight of the song you heard last evening, in the same way, the mind cannot capture your reality. The intellect cannot fathom the truth of this, the truth of what is, because anything after that I say, we might.

So basically, there is use of intellect, but this intellect itself cannot figure it out. Yeah, so the intellect is what? What is the intellect? Considering its people to the intellect as we define it, the intellect is this capacity to reason, this judge, to judge, to me, to give something, to tell you yes, to say no, this is true, this is false. So this capacity to reason, this capacity will reduce to this capacity to validate or invalidate concepts is what we call the intellect.

So when you use the intellect the way of saying 'I cannot just be this, I cannot just be this, I cannot just be this,' then maybe invalidating some concepts using our intellect in 'Oh no, not this, not this'—like a Bhagavad Gita 'not this, not this, not this'—then you are, what I would say, just dipping in on the surface field. But once you dive in and say, 'Okay, so what is it?' For example, we can make it and say 'not this' because this is changing, 'not this' because this is momentary, 'not this' for whatever intellectual reason. But once you take a deeper dive and say, 'Okay, what is then?' and the intellect tells you that for that you need to rely on something deeper than the intellect. If you give that to the intellect, then that thing intellect has to use.

So when I say that I am pushing you into a non-dual space, it is because this intellect keeps us bound into a light, whether it is this way or it is that way, and there it is like that or it is like this. Now the funny thing is, what type of satsang were we supposed to be? Whatever you say—Advaita Vedanta, non-duality, let's at least. So they're supposed to be non-dual satsang, and yet in the words, can we truly convey any non-duality? The minute you pick up a concept, duality is introduced. So then what is the point? The point is that we must be able to find some of those thoughts which are able to pluck out directly from us, and then through all the time, what are you without this constant need to figure it out? If there's anything that's giving up intelligence, this give it up. Give it up means you can come whenever there is use, but there is nobody deciding what I gave you all ideas.

It is almost impossible to speak about past and future when past becomes future and future becomes past. Yes, and then so that means that it's like there is no duality between them. Yes, and then the mind becomes very confused. Yes, and it becomes so confused that it has to just surrender because even the concept of time is too heavy. Yes, it's like what is too heavy would've done it. It has no sense of it. It is completely not. Yes, so we could say even the future happened exactly the past, and the past was in the future.

Why I'm saying this? Because seeing the life, for example, the one that it's lived here, it is like all written, the story easy. But that is also time. It's time when I put it in time, and then it's like even the future is known. The place, it's actually like looking at it from here, it's like past, and that brings many... that brings suffering and attachment, like 'I don't want them to happen,' and that part went really fast with suffering.

Okay, so let's look at it very simply. This one, is this one going into the future or is it going to rest in the past? This one that is here, because we obviously talking about this one. So this one that is here, we see the body, whatever out of manifest expression you have, this rest in the past like this. It's you cannot say really, you cannot see. So if we cannot see what is past and what is future, then all this idea of written and differentiating between like a vision of the future versus a memory of the past, all the same. Yeah, but still there is what is this now? This hand moving is present or past? By the time you can see something, it is already past, you know, in a way. So it is gone.

That's why I'm saying that all of these boundaries are just made up. Like we can say the hand goes into the future or we can say, 'Okay, this is just already happened in the past.' That's what I'm saying today on Facebook, that all these are just how you apply your notion to it. Now if you don't have any position with regards to time at all, then it's like making a... this present moment, this with everything that might happen has happened. Yes, but this peacemaking happens the most naturally, like it is in even if it's not a choice.

A choice, and maybe that's the choice. It's like music in water. There is no future, you cannot have choice, doer's share. And what is the best parts of it that you mean? There is still some belief that remains: 'I'm choosing, I'm going to choose right or better,' or what would be better, always towards better. And then again, it's in... there is just... it's just nothing. It's actually like it is talking the window. So the talkman came with two alternatives, both are gone. You see that there is more parts because there is no time. So what has he left me? I don't know. It's something you still... there is something that is... it's like haven't known what it is, but it's so tangible. But it's like I'm making a choice still. Even coming here, going, it's like even choice to be. It's like that paradox, choice to be alive and at the same time its body living. That's like... but it's still like it's perceived as a choice.

The term choice actually in reality has no meaning. Now what is the meaning that is being given to it? If you investigate that, let's see that. Because as meaningless as a notion as time or space is, what attaches you to this notion of choice? You see that there is something tangible, it's like it's some kind of I believe that. Yes, but this is just an idea, you see? It's not tangible.

If I choose, maybe it's like even choosing for the body or for the environment. It's like choosing less suffering. So it's this what causes, what brings less suffering. It's some kind of... I don't even know what it is. It's like some kind of 'I'm here involved in this.' I always look, 'Okay, what is somehow less, what is better, what is the less suffering for everyone involved, for myself, for everything that is here?' And if this brings this choice again and again and again, and it seems like I'm doing a choice and I know at the same time I'm not doing it, but it's the king is very heavy.

If you see that both making and not making is basically fundamentally the same thing, there is no struggle. Once you put your weight on one side of it, yes, that is when the seeming struggle... because if you can live with that statement which you just made, which you say that 'I'm both making it and not making it,' there is no struggle.

Yes, but it keeps happening. Struggle comes and then I'm pulled back into this which is, of course, yes. This trouble comes only when we put some weight into one end of duality. In duality left in equal route, it's like still balancing a little bit up and down.

Yeah, exactly. The matching balance in the sense to unbalance it is, you know, in a way how the Leela goes, how the play goes. Like the natural balance, it's just there. It's someone like even like allowing this to live unfolding, but I don't want it. It's like that. So I'm struggling with this, like just to allow that this unfolds as it's supposed to unfold.

Yes, but my not allowing is not part of unfolding? It's the same. It's against what I'm saying. When I say it's written, when I apply it to this, it's like I would just myself. Okay, so everything is unfolding and there seems to be a resisting of that unfolding, but that you can say also that that resisting is also part of the unfolding. Yes, so everything is just thankful. So that is see. Yes, but in this it's a struggle. Which part of this struggle is not part of the natural unfolding? It's like belief that it's not supposed to... not it. I know it's like this what is unfolding, but I don't want to unfold like this. It's like I have no choice and I know.

Yes, but this not wanting is not part of that? It's at the same... but the belief is so strong that the struggle comes. Okay, so if you see all of this, then you are at peace with even that which you have already started. I go back to time. Most of the time you go back at that. Most of the time there is acceptance, yet some struggle that does come up still. Do you really know anything that you saying? And that became... I have issue with this because this is like it's some kind of a struggle. Oh, how am I living not knowing anything?

Yeah, now this became an issue. Before this was like the goal for it was treasure, and now this is an issue. Yes, because this is the... we have been taught all of these things or taught to know these things because we were told that this is how you will live your life. And now as you've seen through all of this and you're seeing that 'I don't know any of this,' this same condition which you were taught that 'this is how you will live,' that same one is fighting by saying, 'If you drop it, then how will you live?' That is all that is happening.

It's not even 'how would I live' or not. That's like... it's just... it's not even enough. It's more 'why even do anything then, or say anything, or move anything?' This is like more becoming this world spirit on the false idea that... the false idea of the individual doer who is deciding to see. You will not see you do or not do.

Yeah, he keeps coming and it's like still in the playground. But in the playground, it still relies on anything that you think you know is out, that has no way to play. Yeah, it's like and then all the toys I take, like it's like they are removed. Nothing right in them, they would be removed even. So let's do one. Let's start completely fresh. Both of us have had a rebirth. This moment is completely new. Now, now what is there here?

Now there is no even answer on this. What am I supposed to learn? Answer.

It's okay. Even the 'you' and 'me' is not really true. It's perceived like that. It is just there, not even perceived like that; it is interpreted. The perception is being interpreted like that. It's seen like this. Yes, it is seen naturally, but we interpret it with 'me' and 'you.' Where do you end even? Where we spend? It's like seeing, but that's also the Absolute is where.

A rebirth. This moment is completely new. Now, now, what is there here? Now, there is no even answer on this. What am I supposed to learn? Answer: it's okay. Even the 'you' and 'me' is not really true. It's perceived like that. It is just—they're not even perceived like that; it is interpreted. The perception is being interpreted like that. It's seen like this. Yes, it is seen naturally, but we interpret it with 'me' and 'you'. Where do you end? Even where we spend, it's like seeing, but that's also the Absolute. Where is the 'I' must not be thinking? No, okay. Looking again and again, therefore, this duality or beginning also does not have any truth. As one means to do that, it seems to cover, which is—what is the point? Time is not there. There's no beginning, there's no end, there is no duality. What is the point? Another question of 'who' is pointless. And we keep saying the same things and things, and everything waters and alive, nothing. And then until it all comes down to this, which is that to try and grasp this in our concepts, in our emotions, is a futile exercise. But even to say it is a futile exercise is an attempt to grasp at it. Like everything to see that the truth cannot be spoken about is trying to speak about the truth. It's like a big, big, huge ocean that never even has a beginning or ending. A paradox, yes.

Yeah, as long as we have views, there will be paradoxes.

There is no view which will be left without its opposite. If you don't have any view, including this one, no paradox does not apply. Unless you have a perspective, paradoxes are in duality. And because holiness is so whole, therefore both aspects will always be available for anything that we think is true, and both will be equally true.

Still, even life or say or words or deeds, they're all in duality.

Yes, and their opposite.

Yes, because we cannot get into also that kind of thing that, okay, therefore I live, why I must not speak? But I was not even—that is in duality.

Yes, yeah, that's it. Okay, yeah, it's it, or it is not. It is both. Oh my, is it something very beautiful? Did you see what you post? So she said, 'Dear Father, I'm back. If this is meant for a smile, but lately when I post the transcripts, it comes to mind to post a disclaimer: This medicine is prescribed for self-discovery beyond concept, beliefs, emotions. Side effects may include bubbliness, disorientation, feeling like the rug has just been pulled from underneath, confusion, silence, and may cause mental resistance with such utterances such as "What is this?" Proceed with awareness or optimism.' And she's been trying the older—it feels like I just feel that coming to satsang was to just be, to be pointed to that this instrument is not needed. If you, you became because I wanted another listener. Okay, just beginning from that. And then, I mean, again and again being shown by something within that within the phenomena, this thing, this one—like the best eyes can't hear now. The best mind, the best intellect is not going to give you the answer to what you think you can find out. We're not—I think I came here, I didn't know the truth, but I'm using the wrong instruments. And so if I just drop that instrument—and you seem to be like the mirror which Guru used to say—the instrument, can I drop the instrument? And a certain way of living needs to be cool?

No, no, just drop the instrument. Okay, drop this mental notions, nothing good. I mean that I can—if there is only one notion and that notion is separation. In all these things, all notions is going to the idea of separation. Now, this separation never happened. It is non-duality. No duality is real. No duality has ever happened. There is no difference in even as a series we will say that there is no difference in samsara or Nirvana. These are just again notional distinctions. No difference in the manifest and unmanifest. No difference in the Absolute and—there is no difference in anything at all. All of these ideas, even those that we are using in satsang, can be discarded unless you replace them with a fresh set of ideas, which could be these birds with their hearing. And these will have to be discarded and you go beyond this device till you come to conceptual enlightenment. I could say many fancy things. I could say there is tranquility here, there is peace here, there is injustice. But the thing is that our mind will always put the cart before the horse and say, 'Okay, where is the tranquility? Where is the timelessness?' He's on holistic experience. The best way to see it's just like—doesn't if I do the interpretation doesn't come, it doesn't seem to be stopping you now. Whenever my eyes, even my eyes are closed, it's just like they're so top this device. This device, this is still a representation of this. We try, don't need to know, to capture, to understand. We know this, whatever representation we are making of it, this is what's happening. Yeah, holistically you see, because because I need you to see something. Do not excuse me.

Because I am completely aware that the truth is completely apparent in you, so you don't have to tell me about it. And that moment of nothingness, existence, there is nothing that is mystery. And when you pick up a notion about anything, it is just a story. You feel that you might feel that you're less keen on a notion, you might feel that you're resting on a notion, but actually it is not that you rest in your empty ocean. Because we got so habituated into this kind of claim that it's very like, 'I must know what this is. I must know what's happening.' This idea that I will come to some truths notionally, and we keep struggling to find that. It is probably in this context that Papaji was speaking and he said, 'And this urge come to an end of this kind of try to grasp like this.' Right now, Nazi, he says, 'Right now I'm not seeking.' No, because you're seeking an answer to that. All our seeking is like this. Our seeking is just like that, like we're seeking confirmation of something. But our being is one that will be present in that. So when you see that, can I take with you what I am seeking now or no? In that need of an answer is the seeking. If you like, I've been asking, what does an answer give you? It can only have two purposes, no? Anyway, the purpose with which it is being spoken here is so that it can be used to throw everything else. But the purpose in which it can be used is to fill a conceptual gap that you might think you have. Like you have this gap of 'I don't know.' If I give you an answer, then you can't seem to fill up that tension of not knowing. But I want the tension to expand or to blow everything else which is there. This is going to not function. This is—this tension of 'I don't know,' you can just expand and blow everything as you come to the broadness of your not knowing. It'll go everything that you think is true. But if I give you my conceptual balm for it, then you will put it over there and say something like this. But 'I don't know' is much more spacious in that way. Like if you don't know anymore whether you're seeking or not, what's wrong with that? That is better actually, because otherwise you can make a claim, you can proclaim. This is the primal need that I'm talking about, you see. This is the primal need individualizing, like to make a claim to be able to substantively say, 'This is how it is.' A fancy way of saying it could be to say that true meaning is only discovered when you find that everything that you would think is meaningless. But you know this, we can put it in our conceptual box. You know why some of you are struggling? You are struggling because for so many years you felt that you're being led to an ultimate goal, although it is already said that you are that. Ultimate goal is the starting point itself. And yet the feeling becomes more and more that 'I'm coming to the Absolute, I'm coming to Nirvana.' You there are kept saying you never left the destination. And I realized that when you first, first started using the concept of satsang itself to make a journey out of this. And that's why maybe the expression here, something changed and it became deconstructive about even the expression of satsang. Because although the words were being said, 'There is no journey, you are the Self,' these words themselves were being used to make a journey out of it. Now I'm not giving you the scope for that. Prefer out of this dualization, even if it is water, even if it is confusion, anger, sometimes frustration. My frustration—frustration only means because can only come because you are feeling that the bag of concepts that you collected is now worthless. It is not about reality. Frustration is only because you feel like, 'Oh, we struggled so much to get to this. You had such experiences, you found this and you found that.' And I'm saying everything you know story is just truly the truth is here now. Make it—they said in the form of now, now. All I say them with almost forget if you don't point. I'm so aware of this life playing up, so I just let it be.

Yes, actor some in the background on dancing.

Yes, that would be—is a beautiful 'let it be'. 'Let it be' means we are not taking the position, 'Oh, now I'm just letting it be.' Nor are we taking the position of, 'No, no, now I have to control it this way.' Easy. Both are the same. That Jesus means openness, openness, emotional resonance. It's been complicated in just a moment, but no, but I did. Okay, seem like there is about in time. No, let's speak about the blast. I can speak upon many things and understanding these through experience only. Like that is truly lived. It's not our way. The seeing of it, the being of it, the living of it is all one. It is only the clinging to each other, trying to grasp at it, that the seeming duality else seems to appear. Transients ate hardly appears. Then we'll be in trouble without you. Some things are just but strong that we do a batch, we do clinch, regret, and still it's like best to school. It's for each of us. Yes, please open the slate that there's this experiment to do here with this. So there's an experiment. Someone was put in an empty room last time. It was just a bell in front of him. Few minutes to find, but then he started to not enjoy the nothingness. Is it? Then he under bell and got an electric shock. Not doing that again. That's a shock, a proper solid job. Then what happened is that he is sitting there, fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes. After a while, the habit of wanting to claim onto something, wanting to get some sort of—to claim some experience, to have something happening—was so strong that even though he knew he was going to get a shock every fifteen minutes or so, he rang the bell and electrocuted himself. For the mind, you can feel like this. Can feel like this a bit in satsang also, because I'm not giving any chance to hang on to even the branches that I'm saying. I am getting there. No, it feels like it would like a force that works through the body, goes and it does this. Yes, however you want to define that, easy. The thing is that all our definitions are basically doing that. Our process of doing that is our definition. Our claim of knowing something is that they feel to draw to open. Is it? Without that, without mental concept of what is, what is is too much. As long as we have an answer to the question 'What is going on?' in a meal, if you have a definition for the question 'What is going on?' or 'What is?', we are reaching out to that electric shock and available. Because reality is too much to be defined in this way. And how can you say what is? When you say what is going on or what something was or will be, soul time to define the same is missing. Okay, Dad can come on when a Father, can you hear me? Gonna Tsonga, so happy to be here again. Um, I'm not taking up too much space. I'll worry about that. But I definitely feel like she thinks in my heart. I try to make it past. I want to get to my space, but Father, I want to say I feel like you're praying answered for me. Okay, I'll speak up, good, better. Okay, sorry. I want to say that ever since I was younger, look, really young, I prayed that—but I prayed and I've always had a desire that I wish I could sit and talk to Jesus. I wish Jesus can sit next to me and I can talk to him like I he tal—

I'm not taking up too much space. I'll worry about that, but I definitely feel like she thinks in my heart. I try to make it past. I want to get to my space, but Father, I want to say I feel like your prayer answered for me. Okay, I'll speak up. Good, better? Okay, sorry. I want to say that ever since I was younger, like really young, I prayed that—I've always had a desire that I wish I could sit and talk to Jesus. I wish Jesus could sit next to me and I could talk to him like he talked to the disciples and just get clear answers and have true experiences. Just truth, instead of what you read, just one truth. I felt that's you. I feel my questions and my prayers, I feel this is you. So that's why I kind of get anxious when I want to ask questions and get your response or whatever, because I feel like, you know, this is my chance and you are before me now.

So I just want to say that a burning question has been in my heart ever since I kind of first met you: should I throw the weed away? Right? And honestly, I know in my heart I should. I know it's a hindrance, and even Papaji confirmed it and said it's a distraction, right? And I know, I know once I stop smoking, I feel like there's really going to be like, you know, me, because I'm scared to be with myself, right? And last week when you were like, 'I don't have no prerequisites but one,' did you double down? 'When you come to India...' That kind of hit me like, am I going to India now because I've got to smoke? Honestly, I mean, that fear came up, you know? And now I want to say a part of me is in alignment with that fear being totally eliminated as well. I mean, that could just be a Maya thing, but in my journal, I've been writing about this for years: you need to throw that smoking thing away, it's a distraction. And last week you said your prerequisite, the one thing from India, is the one thing that you brought here with you. And I was like—and I noticed this is the one thing I need to throw away. And then the Maya will play with me, right? Because I know in my heart that is something that needs to go.

I hope you still can hear me okay, because I know my value. Okay, I know in my heart that is something that needs to go. And I started to ask you also, like, where does your wisdom come from? Is it something that you just know is truth and you go on it, you just don't waver? But I don't want to get too far off. So that's basically everything with me and the whole smoking thing, and I just want to hear what you have to say now.

Okay, okay, my dear. Thank you. Thank you. So beautiful again to hear you speak; it is very nice always. So first you mentioned something which was very beautiful here also. In fact, when I met Guruji the first time, I just felt like I'm so blessed because I have access to someone with the wisdom of all the sages. Like, I had grown up hearing about like the Ribhu Gita, all these phenomenal sages, but I just felt like I'm in the presence of Jesus. I just felt like being sitting with him, I just felt like I'm in Jesus's presence. But the Jesus who was also speaking those same words which the great sages that I had grown up hearing about used to say. But it was very beautiful. So when you were sharing, it reminded me a lot of that experience. And at first with my Guruji, I just felt like I'm sitting with Jesus. And how blessed are we that we have access to him.

Actually, I mentioned that I have no preconditions except when you come to Satsang, come sober. And the second was when you come to Bangalore to be in Satsang, then don't do drugs. Because what happened is that we had some experiences of people coming to Bangalore and, you know, it's not easy. They spend a lot of money, they come and live here. It's not necessarily the most luxurious, profitable city to live in also. In a way, they make a lot of sacrifices to be here. But what happens is when they're doing the drugs, when I see their pain, not with me in Satsang, you can just see like they are not present. They are on a mental trip or some imaginary, abnormal ideas are getting a hold of them. So I don't know actually what happens when these drugs are in play, but why I said it—I would have just said don't do it, come sober to Satsang, which covers both things—but I felt I had to spell out the second one because I've had the experience, we had the experience here of some coming and spending a lot of maybe their life savings to be here, but coming here and then because of the turbulent thing, not being able to really be here.

So it is not because it is a judgment. It is not because I want to say this is good and this is bad. I know even some other various views about weed in particular. I know there are various perspectives about it. In fact, we had a mini argument among the Sangha members the other day after Satsang where some were saying that, 'Oh, it can have this kind of effect of deluding,' and others said, 'No, no, it's really good and it should be legal everywhere or open everywhere.' So I don't have a view so much about the goodness or the badness of it, you know? I'm not judging based on that. I just feel like because of those experiences of those beautiful children who came to Satsang, but something felt in them they never actually got to be truly in Satsang because they were somewhere else in it. And that is the reason why I said don't do this.

Now, the other reason was because it is possible to get in trouble in Bangalore in a way, because in a new country, all of you know, if you have some substances, then authorities or something like this can use these kind of pretenses to harass you, try to make some money off you. So do you want that to happen? Do you want that to become another big distraction on your visit here? So there is something like this which led to this kind of guidance being shared. So again, it is not a judgment call. It is not because it is a moralistic thing or something. It is not conduct. It's just that I truly wish if you come to Bangalore, you've been coming to be in Satsang, so fully immersing yourself in this. And I wouldn't want, you know, a joint or something to get in the way. This is why. Thank you so much. I hope that clarifies a bit.

Yes, it does. Now I see where you stand with that. But for me, and it's true, it is a great distraction. It is a great, great distraction because I've honestly come to Satsang high and I've come to Satsang not high. And okay, so before the question about the weed, I wanted to ask you about a clear mind and a clean heart. And I feel that weed keeps me from having that clean mind. Could you say something about that?

Yes, my dear. Actually, I just have to go with your feeling and some others' experience because I have not had any experience with this kind of thing, so I'm not really sure what it does to the mind. But from what I've seen, we've had some instances where it does become a very dissipated sort of attention, a very dissipated sort of mind, all kinds of imaginary ideas. Some also—I also had the experience that this boy once, his friends made him have it. He was living in Thailand, he came to visit some to be in Satsang, and his roommates, they made him have some meal. And the next day he called me with a lot of fear, anxiety, panic. He said maybe what is called a bad trip or something like that. He was having a really bad time. And I was just feeling like this boy is just here for five days in Satsang here, and then most of that whole visit went on dealing with that particular fear which was just not present before the drug experiments.

So my feeling is to say yes to what you are saying, that it does seem to have this kind of destructive effect on the mind, and it seems to me sometimes make the fears more alive than they actually were. I'm sure in terms of the emotional layer of existence it could have some benefit; that's how it feels like for some of you, that you feel to do it because it may mean that some peace or some sense of calmness might come. But whenever I've asked anyone, they just say, 'No, Father, it is just that our mind becomes very, very active, but somehow we are not so inhibited anymore.' It seems like some sort of inhibitions, they go away. But I couldn't speak to you very authoritatively on this.

I'll be fast, but Papaji really hit it on the head from my experience about the distraction, and that's why I'm bringing it to you. I guess I want to overcome it, and as I sit on your lap with it most of the time, in you, I just—I don't know what else to do with it. I just pray, you know, you're taking it away. But something inside of me says it needs to be eliminated, you know? It needs to be eliminated. Is this stopping something from happening? And I know it's not original to me, this addiction is not cool, it's just not. I just—I did it, but sometimes the mind will play like, 'Why? You smoke cigarettes, you're okay.' You know, nothing can stop you from being the Self, so it doesn't matter. But something is like, 'Nah, this—no, no, it's not there.' Yeah, true, and maybe nothing could stop you from being yourself, but no, this is not as pleasurable sometimes, you know? And I feel like it's a distraction. You know, I'm ashamed to ask. Okay, I've come to Satsang and didn't have my screen up because I was ashamed because I was high, you know? That's not cool. I just—I'll leave it alone and I just give it to you, but it's out there now.

First, I have to say again, fully, fully, full blessings and love to you for this integrity, this honesty, this openness. This is—I have to say as a blessing—that it is going to be enough in your case. This openness itself is going to be enough from your place. So this is very, very good. Having said that, I want to say that you have my full blessing to give it up, blessing to let go of this habit, because I see that you see it clearly in your heart that it's not in service to you. And we will go through this. And don't worry, we've had many of these cases. We have some presently going on. Like, I have been advising my children not to even smoke so much, like some of my kids, they really smoke a lot. So I feel like this is not the best thing for their lungs or their body to have to undergo.

Of course, there are some others who've taken this, but Nisargadatta Maharaj—didn't you hear on some of the examples with me also saying that it doesn't get into you and it doesn't get in the way of your freedom? That's true. But as a father, I also want your bodies to be nice and healthy. So my full blessing for this. Just—I don't know whether this is the right way of saying this—but sometimes it is our unworthiness and guilt which is about that particular thing itself. This draws us again more back into it also, because it does feel like, 'Oh, just this guilt, unworthiness is also too much, let me just go ahead and indulge in that thing.' You see?

So see if we can make it a bit lighter than this. I don't know how actually this will work because maybe you're using this power to be rid of it also in a way. But what I'm saying is that just like this addiction is not in service to you, any sort of unworthiness or guilt is also not in service to you. I'm happy to walk with you along this, and you can keep me posted on how this is unfolding. We walk through this together, you and I, hand in hand. We will see this through very, very much. Thank you.

Actually, before we end, I want to say that it feels to me that the greatest, greatest addiction we have is to the mind. That is the most important addiction that this rehab is for. But sometimes other bodily addictions can also seem to contribute to this mind addiction. So I'm happy to support you. I'm happy to encourage you to give up these bodily addictions as well so that our mind is not so active, it is not so full of resistance. Anything that helps us become open, absolutely become clear, I'm always happy to help with that. Thank you all so much for being here. Satguru Sri Mooji Baba Ki Jai. Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.