Freedom Means Everything Can Come and Go - 16th October 2020

I woke up for that for which I am wakes up, and I am goes back to sleep. That which is aware of both of these, don't you know that one? Is it not you? You cannot grasp at it. You cannot try. You cannot think your way through it or do it. You cannot use your attention—look, look, look or look, look, look—to find it. Independent of all of that, that which does not come and go, effortlessly, your truth. How many of you feel now it is apparent to you right now in this moment? And if it's not, it's not. It's okay. Good. Okay, now instead of trying to keep it, try to lose it. Lose self-knowledge. Don't know yourself. It would mean that when you're hearing this voice, you're not clear about who's hearing it. Am I hearing it? Is someone else hearing it? But isn't it obvious that I am hearing it?

So what are we looking for? If it is clear that I am aware of these perceptions and it is also clear that this I that is aware is shapeless, it is sizeless, it is worthless, it is deathless, then what is the struggle about? I feel most of the struggle, if not all of it, is about not about the I; it is about what the 'me' will get in the discovery of the I. What is the benefit to the 'me' if I find I? Do you have a sense of what I'm saying? It is like an egoic desire of the fulfillment of the self-discovery so that this limited idea of myself can always be in a particular state or something like that. That is why we find it most difficult to engage with the simplest question that I ask. What is the simplest question that I ask? I just ask you: how do you know that it is you that is perceiving this hand? It's clear to you it is you. Anyone who is not clear that it is you perceiving the hand, you have heard too much Advaita. You may say, 'I don't know who that I is,' but it is I. That much is apparent at least, isn't it?

You may say, 'I am so confused because I don't have a picture of this I, I can't find it,' but even that you're claiming an I which is so obvious to you. Even when you say 'I can't find it,' you're claiming an I which is so obvious it cannot be lost. When you say, 'I have found it at times and I have lost it,' you see, is it the same I that found and lost? You see? So it came to this I and it was lost to this I. Did this I ever come and go? You see, that is the main point, isn't it? Now what is the struggle? The struggle is that you can't see it, you can't perceive it. But if you were to perceive it, then it would be another phenomena and it would also come and go, you see? That is the struggle. The struggle is also that you can't conceptualize it. So what is it? What is it? You see, I want to be able to define it and you can't define it. That is the struggle. But none of you have ever lost the self. You cannot lose it if you tried, because you would have to be there to lose it.

But I'm not just making intellectual conclusions. So for a minute, all of us, let's try to lose ourselves instead of trying to find ourselves. Just come to a state where you are not. Even that which is aware that 'I am' or 'I am not,' even that one is not. Let's lose that one. Yeah, let's do it. We'll do this even if it sounds silly or childish or absurd. Let's have some trust and do this, yeah. So try really hard. Lose yourself. Like, don't be yourself. Don't be. Okay, who's succeeding? Don't feel shy. Anyone succeeding in losing yourself? You see? So what are we looking for again? That which we cannot lose. But come on, let's have a 'but'. Let's hear somebody saying—I'm muting everyone—but say nobody has a 'but'. Can't you? You can't feel what now?

Is that anything? And when put in the light of questioning like this, you yourself are realizing the absurdity of the 'but', isn't it? Because all of you that came up and tried to say something, you were laughing more than saying. So you realize that the objection from the mind, especially when looked at in the light of satsang in the presence of the sangha, then that seemed to be quite absurd, isn't it? But when it is done in the dark of the mind sitting alone, you see, and it says, 'But is that it? Am I not just faking it?' All these kind of objections, when in that way when you don't expose it in your own light, then it can seem like a real problem. But in one way or the other, the objection is linked to: what is the benefit of this?

Okay, it's simple. I can't lose myself. I tried, try, try. I am still here no matter how much I tried, you see. I'm still here. So the objection is not that I'm not here. It's not an objection that what I heard, that the 'I' that I thought I was or that 'me' is not you. So it kind of like makes it feel as if there's more than one I. That kind of creates great confusions. I mean, that belief is like, 'This one is naturally, but what? But I feel that there's another I.' So it's a spiritual problem, yeah. You see, we have too much spiritual knowledge, so we feel like, 'But when did I get rid of the false I?' You see? Or, 'This I that I'm finding is still... how do I know?' Is it like that? No false I has ever existed. That's why it is false. Can we ever get rid of that which never existed?

The biggest problem in the universe is to try and solve a non-existent problem. And that is why this spiritual problem is impossible to solve, because it doesn't exist. Get rid of the ego, kill the ego, you know, banish the ego. How to do that with one that doesn't exist? Is it? So the ego you cannot find and the self you cannot lose. But that, that is just the lawyer, no? That is just the lawyer of this client. But can you find the client? The voice is speaking because there is a voice. Does it prove that there is an entity? Suppose the voice became a frog's voice tomorrow: 'I want mosquito, I want mosquito.' Will you start believing that you're a frog? Maybe, maybe, maybe that's what it's about. And they have been saying this because there is a narrative, because there is this subtitling voice, we believe the identity of that one which has never existed.

But don't we want to push the standard a little more than just there being a voice now? Because all of the masters have told us the voice is a trickster, the mind is not your friend. So if we keep falling for that voice and we trust the existence of an entity who's really there, it's saying, 'I want pizza.' One day we looked, one day some young one was there and he was really frustrated saying, 'But what are we saying? I can't... what are you trying to say?' And then what we said is that suppose from the next room you're hearing this voice, 'I want pizza, I want it,' and you've been supplying this one pizza for the last 10 years. There comes a point where it is never satisfied. So doesn't it compel you to go and look who is this one who's getting all this pizza from me? And when we go looking, we realize there's nobody. It's just been a mythical idea. It was just a voice representing nobody.

So who does this voice represent? Haven't we suffered enough from this voice already to at least make that exploration? Make that exploration: whose voice are you? You see? And if I find you, then I promise you that I'll give you all the pizza you want, you see. You just handed over everything to this voice. Like somebody comes at your door and says, 'Who are you? Show me your ID first.' Won't you say, 'But who are you to ask for my ID?' You see? So the perception of this voice is a common human condition. But because this voice is heard, does it mean that there must be an entity what it is representing? And if the entity was so apparent, then shouldn't we see its shape, its color, size, its birth? You see? Whose voice is it? Whose voice is it? So the spiritual seeker is the most confused one, no? Because this one it cannot find and that one you cannot find. It's looking with its eyes and trying to find the ego. You never find it with his eyes. It's trying to find the...

The perception of this voice is a common human condition, but because this voice is heard, does it mean that there must be an entity it is representing? If the entity was so apparent, then shouldn't we see its shape, its color, its size, its birth? You see, whose voice is it? Whose voice is it? So the spiritual seeker is the most confused one, no? Because this one it cannot find, and that one you cannot find. It is looking with its eyes and trying to find the ego; you never find it with your eyes. It's trying to find the Self; it can never find it. You see, so it's caught between two mirages, fully confused. And sometimes it will replace some phenomenal experience of maybe some joy or some chakra or some experience or some astral travel or some past life experience or something like that, and we feel like, 'I'm finding the Self.' And okay, that is when I was free, but it was just more phenomenal and nothing to do with your Self. So you cannot find the ego and it cannot find the Self with perception; then it finds the ego and the Self through concepts. The ego through worldly concepts and the Self through spiritual concepts. And then this life becomes like a tennis ball going from worldly concept to spiritual concept. That is no way to live. You're missing life in this ping-pong game.

So, independent of either of them, independent of all notion, you tried, no? You tried to lose yourself. What happened? Was there an ego sitting there? Did you come across an ego, a scary-looking creature sitting there which you had to kill and destroy to be free? No such entity exists. You see, the idea that you have to kill the ego is the ego. So when you were trying to lose yourself, how did you see that you could not lose it? How did you see that you could not lose it? Who has an answer? Crispy, when you were trying to lose yourself, how did you figure that you could not lose it? What did you find?

That the attempt was also perceived as 'I was trying to do something to lose myself.'

Yes, so the attempt to lose yourself was also perceived. But what about the Self? How did you know that you could not lose it? Was it just an inference that, 'Hey, this is also perceived and therefore...'? Was it just inferential, or was there something more direct than that?

I still am.

You still are. How was that discovery made? Was it a perceptual discovery? Did you see it through your eyes, through your senses?

No, not just them. You just... how... you just are. Yeah, I said it's not... there's no words for that. Uh, yeah, it's... I mean, it's even ridiculous to talk about it.

Yeah, yeah, that's what we... to lose it or find it is absurd, isn't it? It's obvious. So this obviousness comes from just pure Atma Gyan, self-knowledge, which doesn't need even a perception. It doesn't need a concept. That is all the self-knowledge that you have, and that is all the self-knowledge you will ever have. It cannot become more. You see, what will become less is that you stop believing the nonsense about yourself. You see, it is not that the truth has to expand; it's just that the false has to dissolve. And the biggest aspect of the false, now that you are in Satsang and having this so simple discovery, is that it is going to say, 'But how does that help me?' But me who? There is no deal. There is no deal that the discovery of the supreme Self is supposed to have for the non-existent label called 'me.' You see, but this is what is the misery of the spiritual seeker, because he'll keep saying, 'But what about me?'

See, the mind's voice will come and say, 'Yes, yes, I'm finding the Self, but how does that help me?' You see, this 'me' is not the truth. It is just the lawyer for the non-existent client complaining, saying, 'Objection, objection!' You see, and that is when the Satsang rubber hits the road. Because once you realize the Master is not going to help 'me,' you may want to run. This is not the Master's job to help 'me.' The Master has discovered that you are beyond—in a good way—beyond all hell. And once you see that this 'me' has no real place now, you see, has no legs to stand on, you see, you may feel a fear. You may feel a worry. You may feel a concern about the non-existent one. Your mind could simply tell you it's too much, and you may run for a lifetime, and then we meet again in the next lifetime. You see, you may just say, 'It's too much. It's like too much.' You see, on the other hand, it could also say, 'Oh, that's it. Good, I'm done now,' still smelling of ego and yet believing that some conceptual idea of freedom... and run and learn. So the mind's idea is to run one way or the other, isn't it?

So, do you all feel that when I'm saying now that it is so apparent to you, you yourself are so apparent to you independent of any way of seeing the Self or thinking about the Self, is that getting clearer in some way? You see, now the trickster will try to convince you that this is not enough. There has to be something else. You see, 'I wanted more.' But that actually is a denial of the magnificence of your discovery. Even right now you may be saying, 'But is that it?' But what you are referring to when you're making that objection, 'Is that it?', is just a mental painting of your discovery. Because if you were to refer to the discovery, then you will find that it is beyond any reference point. It is that unlimited, beyond time and space Self that your heart is longing for. You see, so when we make that... when we believe that objection, 'But this is too simple, this can't be it,' you see, you made a fathomable version of the unfathomable in your head, and you're using that as a reference point to compare and say, 'Well, is that it then?' Because if you were to refer to the unreferable, it will shake up your world. It'll shake up every belief that you have if you were to just allow it instead of interpreting it.

You're quick to interpret because that is our defense. You see, even looking outside the door is too much for us, so we have to interpret it and say, 'Oh, plant, sky, tree.' That's how we claim to have some control over it. When faced with the simple discovery of the Self, you see, which is so naked and empty and open that it is unfathomable to your mind, you're going to try and define it into some dark space or some light or some idea about it. Or maybe you're just making the conclusion that, 'Is that it?' and you're losing all reference to the discovery itself. You're just saying, 'Is that it?' but you've lost all reference to what you actually discover. Who's with me? So I realize it can sound very complex to the mind sometimes, what I'm saying—very simple things. So when we make the conclusion, 'This is so simple, this can't be it,' you see, we've lost it anyway. We are no longer referring to the truth. You see, refer to that which is before the sound of the click. Refer to that and tell me whether it's simple or difficult. Cannot be that, no? It is unreferenceable in that way because in that moment you are out of time and space. Then in your notions you come back to that, you settle back into the comfort of the universe in a way. And if you're confused, it is fine. It is not you that is confused; it is just your playground of the intellect.

Let that which is confused be confused. You stay with me. Sometimes it's good not to answer your questions because your questions are still coming from a reference point, maybe of taking yourself to be too limited, too much of a body-mind. And to engage with you in that way, 'me, me,' just keeps reinforcing that over and over again. If there is a discovery, it is time-based, you see. And yet what is this non-time-based, non-discovery discovery? It is, you know, it's absurd to call it a discovery because it's always been clear in a way, just clouded by conceptual muck, you see, conceptual clouds. And yet when the clouds clear, it can feel like fresh light, and yet it's not fresh; it's always been there.

So you realize now that there is no 'how' of it. Is it clear to you that the discovery will not be made through a 'how'? There will not be a mechanism to get to the Self. You cannot try hard enough and then, 'Okay, that's where I came to,' you know, digging. So what is the tool you have? You have the tool of attention. So how far can you send it? You can send it outside, seeming outside, the most distant voice that I hear, you see, most distant sound. You can send it outside, apparently outside, still inside your being—that's a digression. So, outside, outside, maximum outside. Then you say, 'Okay, not to be found outside.' All the masters have said, 'Can't find it outside, look within.' Then we say, 'Okay, let's go inside.' Where will you take it? You take it to your thoughts, you take it to your emotion, you take it to your pain, pleasure. Take it to your sense of being. Even after that, is there anything left that we can call attention? Where will you take it? It will take you to some dark, empty space. Is that the Self? Are you dark, empty space? Where will you take it? You cannot get it through your attention. And yet, independent of this outer attention or seeming inner attention, you see, there is some pristine clarity which remains untouched by any of this, and that is the Self you cannot lose. Because if it was a product of your attention, you would lose it. Attention can never be stable, you see. And who would want to live like that anyway, where my attention is just fixated on some idea I have about myself? You see, then how would the series operate in this world? There are photos and videos of Bhagavan reading the newspaper, no? Is he reading the newspaper without attention? So don't fall into any sort of absurdity like that: 'I have to keep my attention this way or that way.'

Then what is the other tool you have? You can think, think, think, think, think: 'Self, Self, I know the Self.' And you're waiting for that perfect thought to come: 'E equals MC squared, ah, that's it!' It's not going to be like that. A hundred thousand times, but through your thinking you will never find this out. So with your attention you cannot find it, with your thinking you cannot find it. What else do you have? You have something easy, but we have not used it because in the world we are not taught to practice that. So when you saw that you could not lose yourself, were you just thinking you could not lose yourself? No. Were you having a perception of this Self which was steady, steady and sitting there? No, isn't it? So that knowledge is your intuitive insight.

So on the spiritual path, many years were spent here, many years were spent here looking for something, but I didn't know how I was looking. I just felt like I have to find it, you see, and then I was grasping. Same thing. So when I speak, it's from all these experiences, you know. I had some experiences and I was saying that those have to remain and then that would be the true freedom. But freedom means everything can come and go. We're so full of absurdity as a spiritual seeker; we're trying to make something constant and we call that freedom. How is it freedom? Freedom would mean that everything can come and go. So we are looking at stillness as freedom. Then what are the other confusions? Like you feel like you fill your head enough with spiritual concepts, you see. Read 'I Am That' twice, read 'The Power of Now,' read 'Be As You Are,' and you feel like that is... if you just get it enough, understand the material deeply enough, then you are really... you know, you may become a spiritual professor, but that is not freedom. If you mug up the entire Vedanta library and you can quote the concepts, all the Upanishads, you see, every verse you can say, 'Okay, this is verse number... chapter 28, verse number three of this Upanishad,' you might feel like that is... I felt that. I felt that if I just know the material well enough, then I'll be free, because that's how you learn things in the world. But that is not it.

So when I came to the feet of Guruji, what was the discovery? And I sat in the hot seat with him. Was it something new that was found? No, it wasn't. And yet it blew my mind. What does it mean that looking into his eyes I was no longer able to make a reference to myself? When we say we lose the 'me,' what happens is that we lose only the references we are making.

I felt that if I just know the material well enough, then I'll be free, because that's how you learn things in the world. But that is not it. So when I came to the feet of Guruji, what was the discovery? And I sat in the hot seat with him. Was it something new that was found? But no, it wasn't, and yet it blew my mind. What does it mean that looking into his eyes, I was no longer able to make a reference to myself? When we say we lose the 'me', what happens? That we lose only the references. We're no longer taking a sensation to be a boundary of me. We're no longer taking a notion to be a boundary of me. That is the loss of the personal identity, the limited self, you see.

And many have these experiences very spontaneously, like many also in Western philosophy. Like if you read 'The Stranger' by Camus or you read 'Nausea' by Sartre, you will have the protagonists who have clearly lost the sense of personal self, mostly, except that they haven't lost the evaluative tendency of saying, 'What's happening to me? I cannot find any difference between the rock and myself.' And when I read these books first, I just felt like this could be a book written about me after I met Guruji. It could be a book written, but I realized there's one difference. First, I was saying that, yeah, actually they're not realizing that they're coming to the discovery of the Self, the loss of the personal, individual, limited identity, and they cannot see it. How can't they see it? That was the feeling.

And then I realized there's one subtle difference—subtle but very important—that this self-evaluative tendency or self-consciousness, as they call it, you see, was not there by Guruji's grace here, but it is there in those protagonists who were still saying, 'What's happening to me?' I don't have this kind of always evaluating. And who are they evaluating? Again, back to the limited. Although you may have these spontaneous experiences, and it's all over the world, the presence of the Master is greatly helpful because you will be rid of even that sort of self-consciousness thing. As you define it, it is like being photographed or being filmed. So we move from that limited identity to this 'What's happening? Am I doing this right?'

So if you think that your discovery of yourself is going to ever be more than anything that is so apparent to you now in terms of what you are, then that can make a journey out of this. Like whatever you may think about this is going to make a journey out of this. What do you think about yourself? Forget about it. What do you think about yourself? Forget about it. And what do you know about yourself? Definitely forget about it. Now you want me to look at the questions? Are the questions still worthy of you? You can type again if you want me to look at your question. You can type again and say, 'It's still real for me.' I will go back to the question and I'll read it out. How do you know that you are not free already? What is the bondage that you find?

Okay, some questions have come. Okay, let's look at this. 'In self-inquiry, I find that the mind threw up a trump card. I find that the mind threw up a trump card. The good thing is that I realized this is a trump card from the mind.' Very good. Yes, I was going to say that. Very good. 'If I reject everything that I acquired, this idea that what is true must be permanent is also an idea acquired from outside.' Yes, very much so. So even the idea of reality, you see, being permanent is a notion in time. Just at best a pointer, but a provisional pointer. Yes. So let go of the notion of permanent and impermanent, Tesla.

Then you say, 'Though I realize this is a trick of the mind, just for the sake of the game, do you have an answer to this?' Satsang is an answer to this. Satsang is an answer to all notions, bringing you to the unborn, bringing you to your notionless existence. Okay, let's see what the question was. 'Why should Truth with a capital T be that which is permanent?' It isn't. It is a provisional thought experiment. All the Vedantins—I consider myself a Vedantin, by the way, before you jumped up to kill me, yeah, a reluctant Vedantin—all notions of time, of permanence and impermanence, all of them are just provided by the sages so that we can look beyond our usual way of looking, go beyond our usual way of thinking.

What happens if you follow the instruction? What happens if you admit for a moment that everything that comes and goes is not real? So you lose your tentacles to this what is called Maya, and you let yourself be free for a moment, and the Truth is apparent in that. And the Truth is apparent then. Does this dichotomy of real and unreal exist anymore? Of time-full and timeless, does it exist anymore? It doesn't exist, you see. So the experiment has served its purpose.

Okay, next one says—all this you type now, everyone—'Father, please advise me a stick to hold on to. Often for no reason I become dull, and at times I'm running after desires to get into a relationship and so on. Please help.' So the pointers are there, the sticks are there. Whichever appeals to you the most. It's quite democratic, you see. I've provided so many. You pick that which you feel like brings you to the most openness, to the most emptiness. For some it is as simple as 'Whatever happens is my Master's grace, is God's grace,' whatever way you want to call it. That could be it. For another, 'Who am I?' This is a very important step. What do you find without the mind? Are you aware now? Don't believe your next thought. All these are the pointers that have been given in Satsang. What do I know when I know nothing? So try them out and see what works for you.

In Socrates' parable of the cave, significant from a Satsang point of view. Okay, very good. So Plato's cave, they call it. So what happens is that in this cave, most of you know, there is a bunch of people who've been tied up in the cave and they are facing inwards, not towards the mouth of the cave. So what's happening is that from the mouth of the cave the sunlight comes, and all these people can see is the shadows, you see. And as the day progresses, the shadows change, and they start to believe that the play of the shadows is the play of their life, you see. That is who they are and that is the play of their life.

Then for some unexplained reason—at least that's the way I remember the parable—is that one of them becomes free, escapes, you see, and comes to the light for the first time. And the light is too bright, he cannot take it, so he closes his eyes. But slowly, slowly, as he settles in, he sees that the world is very different. Reality is very different from their idea of the world, which is the play of shadows, you see. Then he says, 'I'm going to help my fellow humans.' So he runs back into the cave. He could have just enjoyed himself in the open, but he gets this feeling of being good to his brothers and sisters. So he runs back into the cave and he tries to explain to everyone, 'This is false, this is false, this is just Maya, it's a Leela, don't believe any of this stuff.'

And how is he met? How do you feel like? He's called a madman. He's called crazy. 'You're talking nonsense.' And in some stories, he's beaten up. I don't know how they beat him up that time if they're tied up, but anyways. So in a way, it is like that, you see. In a way, it is like that. That you have this perceptual view of the world and the mental narrative and the representation of the world telling you that this is your life. When you come to the light of the Truth, you see that that was just a play of shadows compared to your reality, you see, which is so unlimited and broad.

Then in the play of consciousness, then many can just go into silence or go about chopping wood, fetching water. You see, there's no real template like that. But for some who get this impulse to go back and help others, then many times they're faced with this kind of response also, you see. 'How can it be? What you're saying is so absurd. You're a madman.' Many have been put to death. Many who tried to bring this light to their fellow brothers and sisters were put to death in the olden days. At least today's world is a bit better—I won't say it's really much better—but it does happen that you feel you get a lot of resistance because what we are most attached to is our belief system. What you are most attached to is our belief system.

When somebody comes and tells you everything that you think you know is garbage, you're not going to like it because people are willing to give up this mortal body for their belief system. They're willing to go to war for their belief system. They're willing to kill their brothers and sisters for their belief system. They're willing to attack every aspect of humanity because they may carry a belief which they take to be true. So in this expression, I'm not trying to shake anybody else's perspective, but if somebody comes to me and says, 'Okay, tell me what is it you have found,' then I'm happy to share. But some could be more radical. Some could go to the streets and speak like Socrates himself and say, 'Come on guys, what are you caught up in?' I'm a bit too lazy, I guess. Thank you, thank you for that question.

Next one says, 'Master, after discovering the Self, there is nothing to be or nothing to know. The state is just empty, or is the stateless state? Is it my notion or is it it?' It is your notion. Everything that is conceptualizable. So you could say, for example, that 'I am just saying these things to communicate with you.' That is fine. Then it's not, then it's just communication, you see. And we have to use notions to communicate in a worldly and a wordy way. So you could say that, but if you take it to be true, then it is just your notion. The Truth is undefinable, as frustrating as that may be for the mind, you see. You would not have wanted it any other way also. Suppose you were able to one day define the Truth and say A is equal to B plus C minus D plus F squared. That's it, that's the Truth. Yeah, that's it. I mean, it would really—if you feel like life is meaningless now, wait till you're able to define the Truth. So you would not want that which you think you may think you wanted, but you would not.

Then next one says, 'So it's not mind, not feeling, not form, not movement. So it's just being? No, where is being in sleep or death?' Exactly. That's why it's not even being, although being is the most immaculate perception in a way, let's call it, although it's not really a perception, right? And yet you can sense the vibrational sense of 'I am', not 'I am the presence of my animals', so it could be a beautiful pointer. But what's on that side of—so on this side of I am-ness is this whole world, the manifest universe, all the perception, everything. But what is aware even of I am? So the ability to even ask a question like that, that 'Where is my being in sleep?', that means you are there in your sleep, but even the being is not there. So fundamentally, ultimately, it is not even being.

Okay, 'I'm always waiting for something,' one says. 'I'm always waiting for something except the present moment, which I miss in the process.' Yes, yes, that is the human condition, and that's why we have Satsang. You can come in here. Hello, hello. I'm not sure if you can see me because my computer is old. Okay, sorry. Does the camera remind people they're glowing? I'm not sure. I see a shadow. So sorry for that. Maybe if I move a little, you want to? Yeah, that'll be nice actually, if I can see you a bit more.

Was it good? Well, I don't know how to find me.

So you have some light that you can switch on, a phone or something, so that you can see your eyes a bit better? Better, slightly. It's okay, it's okay.

Yeah, Father, I don't have like questions or like—and I've been following the Satsang right now. It's just in the moment, everything. But just like, I don't know why I have still the whole size and such an urge to like come up. I don't know why. It's just like I need to speak to you.

But did you say you hate to speak to me?

No, I need to. Like, I feel like I need to.

I need to. Okay, I've heard that before also from others. So it's okay.

See your eyes a bit better, better, slightly. It's okay, it's okay. Um, yeah, Father, I don't have like questions or like... and I've been following the satsang right now. It's just in the moment, everything. But just like, I don't know why I have, I still have the whole satsang such an urge to like come up. I don't know why. It's just like I need to speak to you.

But did you say you hate to speak to me?

No, I need to. Like, I feel like I need to. I need to.

Okay, I've heard that before also from others, so it's okay. You're very welcome to speak with me, my dear. But I don't have any styles that remind me of one boy who went to Guruji also like that. It's completely fine. I've been also getting your messages and I feel like they're quite beautiful in terms of the discovery being made and the emptiness which is becoming more apparent to you. So I'm happy to have a conversation about nothing. Are you still watching the TV shows you were watching or not?

Play this show? Oh my god, at this moment I can't even... not... what is significantly sick. Yeah, way, way less actually. It's something like nothing interests me except satsang or silence, like just being silenced. But okay, it's just more like, I don't know, the mind um, right now is quiet, but like usually it does talk a lot, like a lot. It's just like not a stream, like a stream non-stop of some words and it's like, it's like more like, like a game thing. Is something... sometimes I go with the mind. It's, it's not that I go, it just happens automatically like, and I'm with the thought and I'm the thought. I become the thought, I become that. And then there's something like, and then whoa, I'm no, no, and I like going back. And this happens a lot lately, a lot, a lot. And I had like um, really like a strong mind attacks, like I haven't experienced that, experienced like that ever. And but actually right now after it all passed, I'm so grateful it happened. It came with so much grace, with so much, I don't know, seeing. And it was, yeah, I'm so grateful for that. I want to be able to say that I had the worst mind attack possible, but looking back I see that there's so much gratitude for that.

This is very good. So you are aware that it is not the flow of thought which is so relevant, but when you say that it just happens automatically that I buy into the thoughts, is also just another thought. You see that?

Yes, yes, but but then yeah, it's like happens like this, like oh I see. And I don't know either way, if I was to say no, I decide to go with my thought, that would be a thought. And that I end up going with my thought automatically, that would be another thought.

Yes, and to notice that it is just a thought is, is more than enough. And then another thing like that there is me as, it's just thought somehow, I don't know.

Of course, the me is purely emotional construct, thought construct. Yes, I feel you're doing much better than you think you're doing.

No, Father, I feel good. I don't know, I just like, I feel nor good nor bad. It's just like very good feelings come on, sorry.

That's very rewarding because usually what I'm doing is in interaction, I'm seeing the reflection on your face, in your eyes and things like this and able to gauge things on that and respond. But this is a test of pure intuition from...

I'm so sorry because this camera is quite old so it's just like...

Oh my goodness, she's happy to hear that voice of yours, have not heard it for so long.

Yes, and the funny thing when I speak to you, right, I was just like, it's just you and me and just nothing else. So beautiful, thank you. You're just like the greatest gift of my life for sure. Thank you, Father.

Oh my love, my dad. I am beyond. And everyone's okay at home? Mom's okay?

Yes, yes, yes. Actually everything, it was... I had like really hard times like oh my god, it was just non-stop like mind non-stop. It seemed like the outside, what you could call outside, it's non-stop which is coming, coming, coming. It was so much. But now it's like thank god it happened and god is such a lesson, such a blessing. It was just raining acid grazing.

Okay, next one says: 'Hi dear Father, the sense of presence is very clear in the waking and dream state. Yes, in the deep sleep state it seems to be switched off. Yes, but of awareness... but of awareness is aware of itself always. But you mean if, but if awareness is aware of itself always, then why is it so subtle in deep sleep?' It's not subtle or gross. It is always what it is. Like in deep sleep state, you're right that the sense of beingness also dissolves into its source, which is awareness itself, but our energies continues to remain as it always is. Why does presence seem to be so bright and obvious while absolute awareness is subtle and not brightly self-aware? Well, this is worth exploring. You see, like the sense of being, where does it get its brightness from? The I am is, is lit up by the I itself. If there is no I powering the I am and it just am, it will not be so because it is because in our conditioned mind we're using, we used to look at phenomenal light as more light, you see? And this non-phenomenal, it's the most amazing thing, the most amazing non-thing. How can it be like this? It is the most mystical, it is the most beautiful, the most pristine, you see? The lightless light which lights up this entire universe. If being itself goes to sleep in it and wakes up in it, you see, then that which is greater than being. So we say, how come ice is so much more tangible than water? You can throw it, you can catch it, you can hurt someone with it, you can make ice cream with it anyway. So, so but, but without the water what would ice be? It's made up of water. So presence is made up of what? If there is clarity that there are times where presence is not even, presence is not, and yet I am aware that in deep sleep even this sense of being dissolves, you see, then what must presence be made up of? If there is only I and not even amness in times of deep sleep, then what must this am be made up of? The same substance, substance quote-unquote. So, so I would not, I would first question the benchmark with which I am measuring the luminosity or the subtlety or the tangibility of it. Typical worldly rules don't apply.

Also, Father, if awareness is aware of itself in deep sleep, why are we not automatically realized? Because the play is about the trouble in the waking state. In deep sleep everybody's realized. I look at my children and they are such angels when they're sleeping. So everybody's realized in sleep. Vedanta has a deep sleep as a veil of tamas and there is no realization. It's a nice concept, you can use it if it appeals to you, but it's a concept. What can I say? Therefore one needs to meditate and reach turiya to clearly behold. Yes, in a way I agree with that part of it, which is that to discover what you are in your sleep state while you, while in the waking state, that is realization. That is so, so try it now. This is turiya and this stretched out in, in the seemingly stretched out in time is um, as it's usually called. But this you don't need anything else to discover whether you call it... so the point, the key, key word there is 'clearly behold,' right? And I hope I've clarified in that satsang what, what it means to clearly behold because many feel clearly behold as something else. I don't have the energy to repeat the whole thing of course, but, but I hope when you say clearly behold you're not talking about behold it perceptually.

I want to um... I don't know really the question. It's just that the realization of the sin has been happening that the world continues and the sense of personal life is still common and something is still taking these energies like the true one as the true one or something like this. And also there is like a... you repeat the last one, but energies are coming and, and also there is like a believer concept that the real one, the true one in the phenomenal world have to be uh, determinate the shape or something like this. The true one has to appreciate, is it like that? It's like when I realize the Self, this Self that is not phenomenal have a special phenomenal shape?

Ah, that can happen because that is what is called, that shape is called the spiritual ego, you see. What is the shape of the non-phenomenal Self? It is the entire manifest universe. That is the shape that it takes, the unmanifest, the manifest shape which is the entire universe. Now within that universe if you say that there's a special shape of that one who's realizing the Self, then that is called the spiritual ego and that can cause big trouble, you see. Because then, then, then it becomes a bit like 'I'm realized' that you're only going to get whacked in life. So don't, don't indulge in any of that. I don't know a lot. It can feel a bit disappointing also sometimes because it feels like I did, I, I wrote the examination, I passed it, but now I can't show the certificate. No? So it just feels a bit frustrating.

But if I feel, I don't know, like this person or something still coming, that is something is aware of this movement, I don't know. And he's like the person is still here, but even if it's sometimes it takes like this person it's real or something like that. Even if it's, if it's an awareness of this is not sometimes not so clear.

Sorry, when you say the person is still here, can you show me where it is?

No, I don't know.

Yes, but it is still happening. An idea of that is, and uh, this body as somebody, something like that. The idea of continuously, as long as that these ideas of individuality continue to get belief from consciousness, consciousness will keep presenting to itself also satsang to rid itself of these ideas. Yes, so you don't have to worry. You don't have to worry as long as the spiritual ego doesn't become strong and say 'I don't need satsang anymore,' you know, then this kind of stuff. I feel also that something is, I don't know, like uh, trying to not, it's not avoidance or I don't know, it's like I forget that he is satsang or the situation of my life brings some difficultness to being satsang or something like that. And it's a, it is a feeling or a fear that forgets satsang and forget...

But this is so, so simple. Suppose you forget this entire lifetime, you forget, then I meet you in the next lifetime. If you forget for 100 lifetimes, then I meet you after 100. You see, how long will we forget? But when we are pinched enough, when we are poked enough by the suffering of identity, we do run back to satsang one way or the other. Yes, and also all these things of belief, no? Because we live in social media is because uh, sensation or something like this. There's no question of belief in deep sleep state, so we can say it is a primal power of beingness or consciousness. Yes, but, but the true one is beyond belief. Yes. Yeah, so I don't know, I just present this to you.

If I get rid of the seeker, how relax? Just don't worry about it.

Relax and just allow yourself to let go of all this concern and concepts and person and all of this thing. Just empty, empty, empty. Okay, click one, pick, you see? Pick one stick which, which helps you, you see? Because in your heart you know whether you need some help or not. You see, in your mind, the mind will either make you very special and say 'Hey, I don't need help because I am free' or sometimes say 'I'm just faking it, I'm not getting anything.' It'll play that game there. And if you get involved in that game, then it'll all be very confusing. But in your heart if you feel like you need some help, then all the help, all the pointers are available to you and you can inquire, you can surrender, you can come to satsang. It's all, all the, all the assistance that is needed is available to you, you see. But if you get involved in the mental game of 'I've got it' or 'I'm getting it' or 'I'm losing it, I don't know what's happening,' you see, then it keeps switching with time. That's a bit um, crazy. Will drive you crazy if you, if you keep...

Yes, yes, there is a uh, something that I say, I, I know it already. I know and I know what I have to do to find myself. Just everything be here, observe that all this is also, you know.

Yeah, the funny thing is that I never know what to do or what to say or how to be or any of that.

But if you get involved in the mental game of 'I've got it' or 'I'm getting it' or 'I'm losing it, I don't know what's happening,' you see, then it keeps switching with time. That's a bit crazy. It will drive you crazy if you keep...

Yes, yes. There is a something that I say. I know it already. I know, and I know what I have to do to find myself. Just everything be here, observe that all this is also, you know...

Yeah, the funny thing is that I never know what to do or what to say or how to be or any of that. I don't need that knowledge. If it can be constructed, if it can be notionalized, then it is just false knowledge. They just made up. You don't need to know what to do. You don't need to know what to say, you see, when you're free. But when in your heart you need some assistance and you go to it with your head bowed down and say, 'Okay, what do I do?' then your intuition or the master outside can guide you with what to do. But if you feel like you are free and you know what to do, then there's a problem there somewhere else.

Or maybe I'm not free. I don't know.

Okay, so don't do anything. Don't know anything. Just clean up fully, fully empty. It's a good pointer because many times we can feel like, 'I'm free now, I know what to do,' you see, and it creates this sort of emotional freedom in our heads. So just empty. Empty is freedom. There's no other freedom. Just open and empty is freedom. But if you are like this, you see, then that's not freedom. That's not freedom. It could be the mind version of freedom; that's not freedom. Just to be, just to be free is freedom. To know is not to be free. To know is to define, is to construct, and the construction is the limitation. The deconstruction is freedom. The emptiness is freedom.

So good. I'm happy you come up in Satsang, you see, because many times we can construct like a version of ourselves, but that version of ourselves will keep getting attacked by another version of ourselves. I would say just let go of all versions of yourself. I don't know what freedom is. If you start to know what freedom is, then it will cause you some trouble. It may seem like sometimes the words that come out can seem a bit strong and choppy and things like that, but the point is to not let you build any egoic constructs which will only give you suffering in the future. So just allow yourself to remain as empty as you can and don't allow your mind to trick you into any constructed ideas about yourself, especially ideas about freedom and things like that, because that will create a very strong fortress, like a strong defense, which will avoid and resist even the words of Satsang. It will avoid the master like the plague, actually.

You want to learn from the master because you feel like, 'No, but I got this, man. I got what's happening.' Then what's happening then is that there's a fear that the construction that we have constructed so far will come to the master and we're just going to take the hammer and blast it. So whether it is apparent to us or not, sometimes we build these kind of defenses and that causes us to kind of say, 'Yeah, yeah, I feel like I'm doing very well now. Ananta doesn't know me so well, so he's just going to give his standard answers and say empty, empty, chop, chop,' you know, this kind of thing. But in true freedom, we are not afraid to be chopped. We're not afraid for everything that is there to get blown away. So if there are tendencies to create imagery, imagery about ourselves, then it's good that you come to Satsang and you expose like this because allow those images to get blown up. Even though you may feel like they are important images and they are getting you to the final destination or something like that, they're just the mirages. They're just the mirage. There's no actual oasis there. And then empty of all these images, you are free. You don't have to convince me, actually, that you are free. I know you are free. It is your constructions which constrict you. It is the constructions which limit everyone.

Okay, one says, 'What is the difference between I and I am-ness, Father? The difference between sleep state and the waking state? Isn't I automatically aware of itself as I am? Isn't I automatically aware of itself, yes, as I am? Yes, in the waking state, doesn't awareness know itself to exist as itself?' Well, depends. Then this can cause confusion, right? So if by am-ness we are talking about the sense of being or presence, you see, then it is not a constant and it is not always. But if by am-ness we are talking about the reality of awareness itself, that reality of awareness is what we mean by I am, then that's a different definition that we're using. And don't allow the semantics to confuse you. So many times we get into like a semantical confusion. That's why I said that you are aware that you woke up this morning; that is the rising of the I am-ness, you see. We are not talking about the reality of awareness itself as the sense of being of awareness. Awareness is being beyond the sense of being coming and going. So this is the limitation of language. But I have a sense that you are getting me in your heart, although your mind will make a lot of an attempt to confuse you. Thank you. I love you too. I love you too.

Thank you, India. Can you show me the 'person' in quotes? Yes, yes. 'Can one remain empty always or is it just a notion?' Always is a notion. That's always everything else. 'There is a feeling of wobbliness inside my head.' Yes, I think you said it's like the withdrawal symptoms. Yes, this wobbliness is very common. It's like the withdrawal symptoms from the false identity. We get addicted to consuming ourselves as a limited entity, notions of ourselves as a limited entity. We get addicted in a way—not really this dramatic representation—but it feels like that. The highest addiction or the greatest addiction we have is with the mind. And then when we let go of this mind, then it is very common and very natural for us to feel this wobbliness because it's wobbliness which is a combination of fear and it's a combination of the feeling of dying sometimes, or feeling of the great unknown, or it can be the feeling of the 40 days and 40 nights. It depends on whatever term we use. But it's very common as the switchover is happening from egoic identity to just being. It is very common to have these withdrawal symptoms. It's fine. We're here. We're here together in this room. We'll get through these withdrawal symptoms as well.

Thank you for eating the burden. Loch niti monster zero eight nine... well, the number is visible so anyway. You have something to say? Maybe you can type out a bit because we had some experiences in the past where we had some trolls, you know, they hang out and they did all kinds of things. Not that I'm expecting that to happen, but maybe you can type a line or two before we let you unmute and present. And if you don't want your number shared in the recording visually, you may have to do everything. I'm sorry about that. You say, 'So I don't know where to start.' Okay, that is a good start. Let me unmute you. You can come. You are... I hope I am visible. Yes.

So this thing, I don't know. Can you hear me? It's okay. There's this thing going on since a day or two that I try and get my head out of it and work on the snap theory, but it doesn't let me come out of whether the thing... it just doesn't let me come out. And there's this burning inside that this is not right or this shouldn't be the correct way.

So yeah, describe a little more in terms of what is happening. You feel like you're constantly involved with your thoughts or is it some other type of...

There's this fear of something and that whatever I am doing is not correct or whatever has happened in the past was not correct or it is somehow affecting the current way of life and it's not working.

So there's a feeling of this constriction which we can call a fear, and then the messages behind the constriction are that something is not right, I'm not doing it right, or something is working and when we... working or not working, are we talking...

Yeah, yeah.

So freedom, are we talking about from something else? Like what would work?

No, I don't get it. Yeah, if it were to work, it would be a burdenless thing. The continuous thing going on the back of my mind, it just never stops and it just keeps coming back every time I try to stop it. And the moment I think that, 'Okay, I have to be empty' or 'There is nothing to lose in this moment,' back to it.

Sometimes what we hear in our spiritual knowledge itself can become quite burdensome. So in a way, I apologize for that because it can happen this way: that when we are trying to be empty, we can pick up a notion that to be empty means that there must be no more thought coming. But what can happen in this spiritual thinking is that the attempt to try and remain empty itself becomes more suffering than what we came into spirituality for. Is it somewhat like what's happening with you?

I cannot accurately define it, but it's... maybe it's...

Okay, so I would just say just relax. Just relax into it. Forget everything that you're trying to do, what you've heard in Satsang. Don't try to use the snap theory. Don't try to remain in...

But then there's this another explainer. It affects you. Okay, the thoughts affect you and then there's a way that you're not supposed to be affected by these thoughts. So then how do you just work on it if you're not really, you know, using anything?

And that depends on your temperament. There are two solutions. The first solution is to try and find the one that is affected by the one that... your devotional tempo, then you can send every thought whatever you want to see. So you feel like, 'What would Ananta do?' or 'Who is this me that gets affected by it?' But you want to let go and say, 'Not my problem.'

I want to know.

You want to know who it is? Okay, so that's a very good start. So when you say a thought comes and it affects me, it is me. What does it mean? What does it mean? Is it the body? What is it?

Yeah, but the body doesn't want freedom.

If the thought comes and says, 'You are not empty enough, you are not empty,' comes and snaps, 'When will you become empty?' he is not talking about the body. The body is clean. So it is the bondage itself which is clinging to one. But if it's not working... if working would mean that you're peaceful in the moment, then you don't need anything to make it work. That is the gift that every moment gives to us.

But then you should know how to grab it, and that's where I feel...

But the grab it would be to fail because grasping is suffering. And it's not just unemployment. You don't try to grab it. No, it's just there. What is missing right now? Nothing. Are you doing something special to hold it right now? No. The 'but' will come. Does not change. So don't try to snap out of it. Don't try to be... because the mind is using spiritual instruction as the ego. It won't do. And if any of you feel that you must come up and expose in this very grip, because the bane of the spiritual seeker is that the mind can use these benchmarks which appear in Satsang itself. Not trying to be empty is also empty. Even thinking about being empty is not being empty. And I'm speaking with you, I'd like to keep in touch and I'd like you to come over to Satsangs as well and you can see something.

Yeah, so I will. Okay, we have a lot of hands. Okay, one says, 'Father, I've had pulsatile tinnitus'—how do you pronounce this thing? Tinnitus—'in my right ear hearing for the past two years. Please bless me so that I can accept and make peace with it.' May my Father's grace bring full, full acceptance and openness to whatever afflictions we may feel like the body has. And maybe, maybe not.

I'd like you to come over to satsangs as well and you can see something. Yeah, so I will. Okay, we have a lot of hands. Okay, one says, 'Father, I've had pulsatile tinnitus.' How do you pronounce this thing? It is many of you have this thing to me, this in my right ear hearing for the past two years. Please bless me so that I can accept and make peace with it. May my Father's grace bring full, full acceptance and openness to whatever afflictions we may feel like the body has, and maybe, maybe not get into our mind's interpretations and fears about them. All my blessings. Okay, Karam. Karam has his hand up. You can come, my dear.

Hi, Father. Thank you so much. I actually have a question that I don't know how to put into words right now.

Okay, this is not good. Those are really good. Um, I'm right now, I mean, I'm only a 21-year-old and, you know, finding my way through and going through a major change in terms of spirituality and finding just, I don't know what to call it. You say that you're a 21-year-old and I got into spirit at 23, so you have a head start on me also. So if I could ask you, do you feel like there's some triggers that brought you into this, or it just happened one day that you found yourself interested in satsang?

Um, I've always, I've always been interested since I was a very, like, since I was a kid, in the idea of like just being, um, just understanding yourself. It started from a very selfish standpoint where I, you know, watching TV shows and people having more control over their minds and being able to use that with an advantage. But then as I started working more on it, I, like, exploring it a little bit more, I understood a little bit more, and then someone suggested satsang to me and here I am.

And you've been here the last few weeks, I've noticed, quite consistently. So, um, is there a sense that something, although may not be necessarily mentally clear, do you feel like something is getting clearer in your heart, or what, what is the feeling like?

For sure, for sure. Um, in fact, I think the last three weeks, four weeks that I've been to satsang, I always make it a point to ask you whatever's on my mind. And sometimes I always have something on my mind. And whatever you've said last week, at last, last week, you mentioned to just come innocent and stay as innocent as a child whenever I come to satsang. And I took that, I tried that approach and it, it has helped a lot. When, even, even in other situations, I mean, I have school, I have working, Lord knows, but I think saying that to myself in some, in some sense before approaching it really helps. And I don't know if that answers your question.

Oh, so sounds very good. Exactly what I wanted to hear because the advantage of youth also, in a way, is that there's an innocence of innocence and we don't, um, we're not as jaded as we can get as we are as we're a little bit older. So, so sometimes I found that with the younger ones it's been very nice because, uh, it's accepted with some openness. Because otherwise what happens is if we, as we get older, not to generalize, but many times for those who get older, we can become a bit strong about our beliefs and our knowledge and nothing. So it's very difficult sometimes to get through and find an entry point. But if you are able to take just the simple pointings, just to remain open, just to have the innocence of a child and not just in satsang but also in life situations, then that itself is a beautiful, beautiful openness. And I'm very happy to hear that report, actually. Very happy.

I, I do have one question, um, in terms of innocence, actually. I feel like that could also play, come, come into play here. Um, I've take, I'm trying to take that attempt into just, just being open to every experience and, um, knowing myself and knowing, um, some patterns that I fall into. I'll, I'll, I'll say yes to a lot of things that I want to do or I think are the right moves to take. And, um, I'm trying to be better at that in, in, in that I either I, you know, I, I try to find some sort of stability so I don't just get overwhelmed back down on my chest saying this is yours. I'm sorry, can you elaborate on this bit, a bit, trying to find stability?

Sure, sure.

Um, in the sense of innocence, if, if coming from that, coming from that zone, it's, I find myself sometimes getting excited with a lot of options in front of me and I'll say yes to, um, everything that comes on as an opportunity. Though I enjoy that, it's something that I don't do a lot, but I also know that I tend to get overwhelmed with all of it. And rather than not, rather than being able to do all of them, I'll just give up on all ten opportunities that came up because now it's a lot on my head. And, uh, before that happens this time, I would, I just wanted to know if you have any ideas or thoughts on how I could do anything about it.

It can happen, actually. Um, initially you can feel like as we are experimenting with openness and innocence, it can feel like openness means being open like in the world when we hear 'I have to be open,' then it's like that movie Yes Man or something like this where it feels like I'm so open, yes, yes, yes. You can start like this, that I'm being truly open like this. But actually the openness, it's a good start, it's not bad actually, but the openness that I'm talking about really is just being open to whatever appearance is coming in front of us and being open to whatever is the heartfelt or intuitive response which is coming from here as well, you see. So many times it just happens, well not many times but a few times it happens here that somebody's speaking with me and I'm looking very openly and the word, the response that is coming from here is 'no,' you see. So, so openness is not necessarily that we are saying yes to life or, you know, in that kind of self-help sort of way. Openness is allowing also, also the intuition from here to express itself and we can trust that. So if your intuition is operating in that way that at the moment it's saying yes to everything, that is fine too, you see. And if you're getting overwhelmed, that is fine too, actually. It's not, it's not so much trouble. At 21 you can afford to be a bit overwhelmed. It's fine, it's fine. This too shall pass. It's not, it's not going to become something big. But, um, but really our openness is the openness to allow ourselves to say no also when it's coming from the heart to say no, you see. And that intuitive guidance will become clearer and clearer in your openness, you see. Sometimes if the guidance is not there, your, your, you can just say, 'I don't have an answer yet,' you see. And, and you may have fear of, um, you know, making a new, the, the other one feel bad or, or it can feel like you're leaving them in limbo or something like that. But you can trust that. Like if there's no answer coming from intuitively for you, uh, then you can just say, 'Let me get back to you. I don't know yet,' you know. And many times it can feel like, 'But the other one will think I'm stupid or I don't even know what I want, I'm not clear in life,' you know, these kind of things. But we must not worry about that kind of self-image, what people are thinking of us, and then, then we come to a true openness, you see. So in our openness, in your openness, one day you could be like no, no, no, no. Another day it could be yes, no, yes, yes, no. It could be anything. So it's not, so I'm not prescribing a way that you have to be in the outward expression, you see. I'm not telling you to embrace life or to renounce life, you see. I'm not providing you any of those. I'm just giving you your inner spaciousness of openness. And from that inner spaciousness of openness, sometimes in your outer expression as the body-mind, you're embracing life and sometimes you just need your space, you want to renounce everything for, for a bit, and both are fine. You can allow the natural flow of life to, um, to guide you in that way. So, so it's not prescriptive in the sense of what you should do outwardly. It's prescriptive in the sense of your inner spaciousness. Just allow yourself to be free inwardly and outwardly. Sometimes you may come across very strong, you see. Gopala is here today, I don't know if he's still here, but he once called me the butcher of Bangalore, you know. Can sound like I'm just saying no, is it like this? No. Is it like? No. And sometimes it's, uh, some on some other day it's yes, my child, yes, my child, yes, my child. Everything is like that, no. And sometimes I'm surprised because mostly, mostly my responses are yes, my child, of course, my child, you know, like this. But sometimes it will come that when we're most expecting that, we get a no, I don't feel that is good. And that takes, many times takes us by surprise, although it rarely happens. So, so don't put yourself in any box in terms of your outward expression, how it should be. And even if you feel like you have been sort of, um, prototyping it in the wrong way in the outward way and saying yes to everything trying to be open, that's also okay. That's also okay. It's your intention in your heart which, which guides everything. So treat even that as grace and you'll see that grace will sort out all your decisions and in a, in a beautiful way with whatever it has to bring. I hope it provided some, some guidance in terms of... so keep experimenting with this, keep playing with this and, um, and I'm happy to hear more reports from you and keep me posted about how it's going. Okay, there's a lot to see. Let me now just, um, one says, this looks very small so I'm going to read it: 'If I stay with my breath, am I making an effort not to create duality?' If I stay with my breath, um, am I making an effort not to create duality? If you're staying with your breath motionlessly, then there's no trouble about anything. There's no duality or non-duality left then. It's a beautiful thing if it comes naturally. I'm not suggesting it is a practice to, um, the rest of you, but for you, if it is coming naturally where you can just keep your attention on your breath—stay with my breath means that, no, what does it mean? It means that our attention is on the breath. So if it feels like it is quite natural for you, then, then not of you, then you don't have to intellectualize it in any way and try to figure it out. It's just fine. It's beautiful, actually. Okay, one says they need help, so I'll read that. 'Father, I need help. I'm experiencing a battle in my mind about something I cannot solve it in my mind.' Of course, very good. 'I am asking you for your blessings for this situation, but more than this, I am ready to use the situation to bring it into the inquiry. I don't know how, but I'm open to be guided. After that, if there's some step to be taken, I completely leave it at your feet. May you do whatever needs to be done.' Very good. So if your last statement is true, 'May you do whatever needs to be done,' and that 'you,' of course, is capital 'You,' is the Satguru presence or God presence which is your own heart, which is your own being. So if you surrender to that, then you don't even need to decide how you're going to use this. You're not going to have any sort of expectation of any outcome or even benefit out of this. Because sometimes in our spiritual pointing, we could be saying that everything is of benefit of you, and I say that often in satsang, but sometimes even that can become a prison, right? And we become like, 'How can I use this? If this is coming, it's poking me, but how can I use this?' You see? And, and at some, at some point that is helpful, but after a point we, we let go of even these tactics. Like we don't want to be helped or not helped. We're taking no position about grasping at anything at all. So, so it's useful provisionally because we make what seems like a tyranny into a blessing by saying this is helping you, you see. But, but many times the 'you' that is being helped in that picture can, um, be troublesome. So I feel like for you, you've come to this point where you can just let go. You just let go. Whatever is happening, stay with your last statement, use that as your step: 'May you do whatever needs to be done,' which is just like saying, 'May the Master's will be done.' So let go. Don't try to use any situation. Don't try to resolve or leave it unresolved.

It seems like a tyranny into a blessing by saying this is helping you, you see. But many times the 'you' that is being helped in that picture can be troublesome. So I feel like for you, you've come to this point where you can just let go. You just let go. Whatever is happening, stay with your last statement. Use that as your step: may You do whatever needs to be done, which is just like saying may the Master's will be done. So let go. Don't try to use any situation, don't try to resolve or leave it unresolved. Don't have any position about it at all. Leave everything to the Master's grace. Very good, very good.

Then one says the spiritual ego is now more concerned about a headache than the non-spiritual guy was ever concerned.

See, exactly, exactly. Very well spotted. There is no other champion sufferer than the spiritual ego. Love you very much.

Love you very much too, my dear. My heart is a thank you to you.

So sweet. Thank you. Good, I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. Thank you. Thank you so much. Love to all of you. Ah, somebody has a hand up. Madalina, okay, you can come.

Thank you so much. Thank you for the blessing. I wanted to ask for your blessings to be able to surrender everything to God.

All my blessings, all my full, full blessing and full prediction that may it be so. May it be so.

Like there is one more blessing that I need for Anna, my daughter. How is she doing? Is she okay? Oh, she's adjusting to the school. She just started school now because we've been in lockdown for three months, and she's been quite unsettled in the past couple of weeks.

So she's completely in my heart. She's completely in my heart and all my blessings to her too. Thank you so much. In your heart, Guruji's grace is taking care of both of you, all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay, what do we want to hear now?

Pippalji is back because he made it through the illness and now he is immune, so he's always welcome to come. It's very good. Also, my parents went through it. Most of you know that. Most of you know my father got it and he's recovered quite well. And then my mother also contracted it from him, so she's also recovered well. So it's a grace in a way because we've been restricting ourselves from meeting them, but now we can meet them more openly. Although it's not 100% that you can't get it again, but it's mostly, you know, 99% or something. So I feel like we can live with those odds a bit more than how it was. At least things seem to be getting better one way or the other with this situation in the world. Well, in India at least. I hear that in Europe the numbers are increasing now, but all our collective love and blessings and prayers are with full, full awareness that Guruji's grace is taking care already. Okay, what should we hear? What were you saying, that other one?

Thank you. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Guruji's grace. So be it. Okay.