Fear - 14th August 2020
Saar (Essence)
Ananta guides a seeker to transcend primal fear by meeting it as a pure, unlabeled perception. He reassures that this 'fear of disappearing' is an unfounded symptom of awakening that cannot harm one's true nature.
Nothing real can be threatened. You are in safe hands and nothing true can be taken from you.
Don't fear the fear. Let it wobble as much as it wants; it is completely unfounded.
When we meet it as pure perception, even the label 'fear' is not there. Just meet what is.
intimate
Transcript
This transcript is auto-generated and may contain errors.
Now, I just felt to come forward and be open with you and vulnerable. There's always kind of a sense of being just a little bit of a distance and, well, I don't want that anymore for my connections with you and with Mooji. Always kind of at a distance, and so this is my attempt to remove that. There seems to be a deepening and a simplicity and just kind of an effortlessness that's kind of continuing, you know, without my trying. It just is kind of happening. And sometimes there's avoidance, but it doesn't matter because it continues to be presented to me over and over as an opportunity to deepen. And there's, you know, Mooji talks about the ace up the sleeve of the mind or your last straw—like the really big one, like a burning thing that's kind of holding us back. And I feel like mine is fear. I always thought it was fear of rejection or fear of being replaced or fear of abandonment, and I tried to look deeper into that fear and what it actually was. It feels like maybe it's even just fear of disappearing, so like fear of death or fear of ego in disguise of fear of rejection through relationship. And well, there's really nothing to it, but I just want to bring it to you somehow or gain clarity on it or be able to release it because I feel like it really, when it comes up, it burns, you know? And it really comes up strongly. I kind of just accepted it and reacted to it as if it was me, but I see that it's really detrimental and holding me back in being. So I guess that's it. I mean, I don't know where else to go from that.
So first I want to say to you that very well spotted. Very well spotted. Because this fear, you see, is primal. It's primal. And the minute, the instant we meet ourself in our nakedness, in our openness, without any sense—any mental sense of any of this, you see—that is when this primal fear, it can feel like the fear, great fear of the great unknown. It can feel like the fear of death. It can feel like fear of just completely being lost, you see. So, and most—I don't want to say all, but I can say most who come to their freedom have to cross this fear, have to transcend this fear, you see. Now, the best news is that the fear is completely unfounded, of course, and you realize that as well. And yet it shows up because it's a primal instinct in a way, you see.
Because I know very easily I will say like this: you see, you are free, empty of any conditions, any notions. You are free. But what happens is that then we are no longer making sense of any of this, you see. There's no longer the difference between the manifest and the unmanifest, no longer the notions of time or space, no longer the notions of yesterday or tomorrow, no notion left of up or down, of God or myself. All of these dissolve, you see. Then what happens is that something very primal shows up there, you see, and this can feel like death, you see, because we feel so lost. It's like we're floating in limbo or something like this, no? It's just like, 'What's going on? You know, what's going on?' And then the mind comes as a friend and says, 'Ah, okay, I'm gonna help you make some sense of this, you see, because you have to leave this nonsense. You have to leave this nonsense. Let's make some sense of it. What is happening to you is an awakening experience,' you see. And that is the end of the awakening experience. The minute we have determined that it is an awakening experience, that's the end of it. The minute we have gone back to reliance on this mind to label what is, you see, then we are back into the limited labeling and back into the limited identification.
So I just want to say to you that this fear, you see, just let it wobble as much as it wants. You're in safe hands. You're completely safe, you see. Nothing will happen to you. It is my guarantee, you see. Nothing will happen to you. It will wobble around for a bit. Nobody can guarantee how long it'll wobble, you see. Nobody can guarantee how long it'll wobble, but I can guarantee you that it's unfounded and you will not be harmed in this process. So you don't have to fear the fear. Don't fear the fear. Yes, yeah, don't fear the fear. Let it play out. In fact, if you want, it's sometimes easier to even have a little bit of an inviting attitude towards the fear.
Yes, yes. I... and once you make yourself available in this way, you see that nothing true can be taken, nothing true can be harmed, nothing real can be threatened, as it says in A Course in Miracles. So nothing real can be threatened. So like this, it's very... I want to reassure you that it's very natural for this to happen and it's maybe a symptom of your coming to your freedom. And allow it to play out as much as it likes. I'm with you. I'm holding your hand through this, no?
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Thank you. Nothing will hurt you. Nothing.
Thank you. Thank you so much. It is, it is. And I've found with the fear too, like, to isolate it to its simplicity is better. But there's been such a story around it for so long—an identity about rejection or replacement or not good enough. But isolating is just fear. It's just pure fear. And so I just... even leaning into it like you said is without the story about rejection or anything like that. Like a pure fear, I think is going to be really helpful.
Very good. I'm so happy to hear this report because very often I say: describe, don't explain. Like you have done today, you've described, you've not explained. In the sense... and these words are a bit confusing, we are stuck with the usual vocabulary. So I can deconstruct that a bit. When I say describe, I'm just talking about you saying that there's an experience of a fear, you see. But if you make it part of a story, if you make it like part of a narrative, then it becomes more of a description [explanation] and then it becomes very difficult to deal with. So very beautifully you said just to notice it as a pure perception. And of course we are just communicating, but when we are noticing it as a pure perception, even the label 'fear' is not there, you see. Even the label 'constriction' is not there. It's just noticed as a pure perception, you see. Yes, or anything, yeah, just the happening.
Okay, this is very good. Thank you. Because this is the true meeting. This is the true meeting with what is showing up. The minute we label it, and especially when we make it part of a narrative structure, then we are no longer meeting it. We are just meeting our baggage with all the history and the conditioning. This is the non-avoidance actually, because many will tell you that you're just avoiding it, you see. You're just avoiding it by not labeling it fear, you're not admitting that you have fear. But this is not what we are talking about. We meet it completely openly, completely with full acceptance, you see. But the label sometimes carries too much baggage, more than the condition itself. Many times it is a label... like, how does one deal with fear? It's impossible because that is the label. Fear in itself is a term which carries so much baggage. But when we say, 'Okay, there is this,' yes, you just noticed. Yes, to be fully met. Fully met.
Yes, I hear you. I hear that. Thank you. I do. And it's the same fear. It comes up sporadically, but I feel like it's always a hum, right? It's always kind of just there, but it comes up full force once in a while. And when I went on a retreat with Mooji, my last retreat with him, this burning that I felt periodically was full on all night long. It was the same burning in the chest and it's all the same thing.
It's the same, and yet it's beautiful because the exact same thing we never experience twice, you see. You know what I mean? Let's look at that. Because just like it's said, no, you never step into the same river twice. So what happens is that in the construct of these perceptions, I have noticed that consciousness hates redundancy. So the exact... when you become more and more open to this, you will notice that yes, it maybe is a cousin or belongs to the same family that we call fear, but the way it is experienced, there are subtle shades of difference every time. And in that way we become so beautifully open and so much remain with our pure perception that we start to even notice these things. It becomes like snowflakes, you see. They can seem like they're all snowflakes, but each snowflake is different. The scientists have studied and they've seen that under the microscope you can see that the design of every snowflake is different. The same way these energy constructs that we experience, you see, you will notice that they have similar shades, but actually every time we experience something new. In every moment of our existence we experience something new.
And what happens is that when we get involved in the labeling, then we are no longer noticing so much because we've already concluded we know what it is, you see. As we let go of the labeling and we meet it in the pure perception, then you'll... you may be... I mean, it'll sound strange to say, but you may start delighting in the intricacies of the differences in which even this that we call fear shows up, you see. Yes, there was some infection in this body and this was maybe three years ago or something, and I was just enjoying it so much. I was feeling like I'm just floating in chocolate sauce or something because we know that the fever comes, no? This is very... these things, I don't want to call them energies, but this is this energetic construct that just wants to... like that. So I just feel like I'm just floating in some chocolate sauce, you know? And then somebody told me, somebody said, 'Enough now, you have to start taking antibiotics.' Looking at the energetic constructs of how it is changing every day and enjoying as if looking through a kaleidoscope, no? I was just enjoying the differences so much in the display of what is called a fever or an infection. And then... so these things happen. You might start to delight in what we are calling the universe. Look, but don't hold on. Yeah.
Yes. Okay. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. So grateful. Thank you.