Exploration of the 'I Thought' - 24th January 2019

What do you actually know now? Like it is business, you know? You know it. You can just say 'I know.' It feels too much, you know? It's like an easing each time. I know. Let go of even this concept of what is, because what is, is not dependent on the concept of what is. So nothing can leave. But if there is any attachment, even like a subtle one, to any notion that we have learned about, then that pointer itself will start to feel like the truth or something like that, and we can become a bit scared to let go. So all of these are my beautiful pointers, but they are pointing to something which is completely wordless. And sometimes because the tongs have been so helpful to us, if you like, there's an attachment to the tong itself. No, but not that. You know what? Not that.

The reassurance is that if it is true, it cannot leave you. Because all terms, as well-constructed as they might be, are limiting. They are excluding. So even like being and not-being. When I ask this question sometimes, and I say, 'Okay, so what can you actually confirm now?' the usual response is that 'I am,' because we've heard that over the years so many times and it can seem like a very valid response for a long time. This even as a... can you stop being? No. So what is that? Being is. But there comes a time that even these like sacred concepts can be explored and say, 'But what is it to be? What is to have?' Do we really know?

And you'll see that all that they have associated with these terms now will start to show up. And all that we added on, a basket of even so-called insight, yes, presence opposed to absence or something like that, these kind of things. But all of them will still have a reference to you in one way or the other, even if it is not seen. So it is that in these expressions that you come to what Maharaj was pointing to. He said that the only truth that I can speak is that 'I am,' but ultimately even that is not true.

So now I'm inviting all of you to leave the term 'ultimately,' because that term 'ultimately' then becomes a sort of a deferral. I can defer this because he said 'ultimately.' So don't use that term. So he was saying that even that is not true. Even that is not true, that 'I am,' because even in this there is a reference to the 'I' term. And the 'I' point, any reference to 'I' is what is meant by the 'I' concept. Through the primordial, primal reference to 'I' being 'I am.' Have I lost most of you? Are you with me?

So we don't have to hold even this conceptual reference. We don't have to hold even this conceptual reference. And if there is a non-conceptual truth to it, it is not going anywhere anyway. You see? So if we keep hugging the concept of it, it is not it. And the truth of it cannot leave you anyway. I am trying to spell it out slowly because this can get a bit confusing. You see? So don't make any reference to 'I' conceptually, mentally, even in the sense of 'I am' or 'this being is' or something like that. You don't even need these terms. None. And if there is truth, then it will not leave anyway, because that is the definition of truth in Vedanta: it does not come and go.