I cried she's not there. I'm okay she's not there.

we've lost four of them in our family actually, including my mother, and this was yesterday was another one, so five of them very close once we've lost. See, all the other ones we didn't feel so, but I also wanted to tell you things about my mother actually. You know, the relationship what I had with my mother always was not never a great thing, even though her intentions was right, but then it was not the right way of doing things, and which I got to know a little later about what she had done. The one thing, one confusion what I had was, I cried that she's not there. At the same time, I'm okay that she's not there. So I'm in a kind of first state where I'm not able to express my emotions, because whenever I go to my home, she never let me go back to my home at all, since I came to visit. She would feel that I would block her from doing all the negative things. So that's why she hit so many things from me. And my presence is very strong for her, so she never let me get involved in her family affairs or whatever she did. So which I got to know after her death, a lot of things.