Don't try to attain self-realization, just stay with the truth

So, I want self-realization I have to be empty of desire but I want self-realization but I want to be empty of desire. So, then we can never really then we get into that trap of a conceptual self-realization that I now I understand that I am one with God but alive does not become a living breathing example of that one is, it does not really translate into that lived love, lived compassion, lived kindness and we remain like this on this spiritual treadmill every day thinking we are so, do not try to attain self-realization just stay with the truth, there is nothing to