Who Is Aware of Your Existence?

If you want to go to the terrace of a building but you get into the elevator and keep pressing basement, where is it going to go? [Smiles] So, we all are at least, supposedly — looking for that which is the unchanging Truth, unchanging Reality, the Absolute, Brahman, That which is the source of even consciousness I Am. Yes? We are here for this, no? Now, if That is the source of even our Being — and most of us have been in Satsang long enough to understand that all other manifest appearance, all other phenomena is in the light of our Being, and empty of this Being there is no manifest appearance — on which side of Being do you have to look to find the unchanging Reality? On which side of Being do we have to look? One side of Being is, ‘I am happy, I am unhappy, I am experiencing joy, I am experiencing grief, I am sitting, I am standing, I am walking, I am a seeker of freedom, I am a student of Vedanta, I am devoted to my Master’ — all of this is after ‘I am’, yes? And all of this is talking about all the layers of our existence, therefore are dependent on our existence to exist. Now, we have been playing with this realm for many years. So, I was just saying that on this side of I Am, everything is constantly changing, and I noticed that even our Zoom (remote conferencing service used in Satsang) connection dropped, so even this is changing. What can we rely on here that is going to last forever? There is nothing. Anything that you attach to this I Am — and if you get attached to that anything that you have attached — it’s going to lead to suffering. So, then, is this hopeless, pointless, or is there another way to look? So, in Satsang when we say ‘contemplate’, we are not really talking about thinking about it — it is not what contemplate means here. It means a looking — but a looking at That which is the substratum of even our existence. So, if this ‘I Am’ is a gate and on this side [points outward] is all the manifest, all the attachments, all this coming and going, what is on this side [points inward] of the gate? So, That which is aware even of existence, which is that one? Is it not you? I am very happy that yesterday someone shared that Amaya was telling them that ‘look at these simple pointings’. And one of them was ‘Can you stop Being?’ So, it came up in Satsang a few years ago, where I remembered my frustration of reading Nisargadatta Maharaj. He just says ‘Just stay with the sense I Am and it will all be taken care of.’ But I couldn’t figure out what is this I Am. [Chuckles] How to stay with it? I had no sense of what it was. But then when it occurred to me, when it became clear, then it seemed like the most obvious thing. Then it just felt like how could you ever have been confused about this? So, I have a tool for that, which is to ask yourself this question, or I can ask you this question: Can you stop Being? Can you stop Being? Try to stop being, don’t be for a moment, and tell me if you succeeded. Don’t give it to your intellect; your intellect will say, ‘Yes, yes, when I die, when I’m sleep’ — we are not talking about all that speculation. Now! Don’t be! You will see that I cannot not Be. It doesn’t even need that inference. Something will be very clear to you. Your very existence is so apparent to you that the idea of stopping it will sound strange. Tell me if it is not so. Your very existence is so apparent to you that the idea of stopping it just sounds absurd. So, this apparent existence is your Being. And, for those of you who feel it is natural to stay with this sense of existence, it is beautiful. But even that is not something which is a prerequisite to freedom. Even this — having the ability to rest our attention on this very essence of existence is not a prerequisite. Because it can occur to you spontaneously that even this sense of existence, you are aware of it; it is not a third-party report. You are aware of it; it is not second-hand information. Now, this you that is aware of even your existence, what can we say about that? Now, don’t go spiritual sightseeing and don’t say, ‘Thank you, I am finding peace. Some joy is coming as I am looking.’ All that can come, it’s good, enjoy, don’t worry about it. Tell me about this one that is aware of even your existence. And, on this question, if you are making a conclusion, then expose that conclusion. Because the conclusion could be, ‘Ah, thank you, thank you. This is what I have to do. Thank you, I found the tool, good I came to Satsang.’ No! I’m saying Now! I am not giving any homework. Tell me about this I that is aware of even your existence.