Who Is Aware of My Being?

So the ‘I’ which you are referring to yourself as, is it the same one that you are discovering yourself to be or is it the fictional one?

So first, throw away the idea of what is perfect. Can there be anything in God's will which is not perfect? If not, then there can there be anything, which is not in God’s will? So the mind will make this distinction and will say ‘Okay, this - very good, this - not so good.’ And if you look at what I am saying from a personal perspective, it is going to sound absurd because it will say, ‘How can I accept this that happens in the world, I cannot accept this that happens in the world’. But the problem is what you take yourself to be, not what is happening in the world. So, there are moments where you will be identified, when you are deeply, deeply identified then be identified, you will suffer, that is going to happen, accept it, its fine. When you are like mildly identified it mean there is some space you can say; I am getting caught up in this, then use a pointer that you have heard in Satsang like ‘Open and empty’ or ‘Who am I?’ ‘Who is Aware of my Being?’ anything that really gets you. If there is space, just inquire and then the identification will start to fade away. So ‘deeply identified’ that is okay, suffer, all of us suffer to some extent. Suffer through it, don’t beat yourself up about it later (you see that happened, it happened, over) let it die in the past, its fine. What most spiritual seekers do is, they may have one moment like that in the day and the rest of the day what are they doing? Feeling bad about that [one moment] ‘I should not have had that, I am beyond this now, I have been to two hundred Satsangs with Father. What is going on? I am useless, I am hopeless.’ But that one moment was fine no, finished, what about the remaining ten thousand or million or whatever? So identification will come the, the tentacles of Maya are strong. The greatest Beings have come into this realm and got identified, even the avatars, so a moment or two of identification will happen, do not worry about it. What about the rest of the time? Your concern is only that. If you try to belong to the perfect painting then the narrative of the perfect painting itself will be the chain around you. So that is where surrender and devotion can play a little bit of part. Where if you just say ‘Yes, I am surrendering to the Master and whatever happens in my day, whatever happened in my life is his problem to deal with or her problem to deal with’ then we are not so much in the self-judgement kind of mode and we are in a more accepting sort of state. Otherwise, what can happen is many spiritual seekers also fall into the trap of learning to accept what they call the outside, so their relationships, people and all of that. But they become super harsh on this one which is also as much a part of the realm of appearances as everyone else. So there's no reason to put this one to some greatly high standard and say, now this body mind should exhibit itself with a halo all the time. There is nothing like that. This one is just same as that one. There is no difference, same kind of falafel or different brand of falafel, but the same. So do not get into that because what will happen is that you will still take yourself to be this [pointing to body] you still take yourself to be this. So when you say ‘Why doesn't my day go like this?’ we are not talking about the universal day, we are not talking about that which we are discovering ourselves to be. We are still talking about one body-mind and their apparent experiences which reinforces the false identification, in the garb spirituality, which is even worse. At least if you do it in the garb of materialism then one-day spirituality can chop that up. But if you do it in the garb of spirituality itself, you will hear the Master speaking [and] you will say ‘I know this, I am not hearing anything new’ and then you can keep going from Satsang to Satsang, Master to Master and just feel like ‘I have heard all this’ but we are meeting it at the wrong place. We are meeting it here [pointing to the head] and we are trying to find a resolution here, which is where we started, that you cannot find a resolution here [in the mind]. And if you are putting yourself in a narrative of time then you must be operating from here [pointing to the head]. Do not operate from there and tell me how you are in time? Did you have a yesterday? (I am not pressurizing you into that answer) You just step back from your mind and tell me what was yesterday? Is there a yesterday for Awareness, is there a tomorrow?