No Quality Applies To This 'I' That Is Aware
The aware 'I' has no quality or attribute - it's beyond all phenomena, and only on an intuitive basis do we call it 'I'.
So, these contemplaHons, what are you hoping to achieve with them?
I found, I found, like, just a...but, like... [Silence] There is a contentment that I'm hoping to achieve. Also [S] a quality-less peace, you know. Because I've experienced quality-full peace, but there are two peace. And, I don't know if it is what I experienced, because I know that there is the coming and going and I can clearly see the strenuous energy of the restless mind in the body, you know, and discern that. And maybe the wisdom is to see that I'm sHll here when that happens. But there is sHll, like, a wanHng to, kind of, or an expectaHon that I'm maybe not supposed to experience that or just be in my fullness, really, like... Even if that is there, but sHll like not wanHng it, you know, because I've seen also, especially being in higher company, I have seen it just vanishing completely, like 'What am I speaking about? What is this?', and, it does not exist, also energeHcally it does not exist as well. So, what is the Truth, you know. Is it possible or am I just wanHng something that maybe is not it, that this vanishes.
Yes. So, just to expand on that, just suppose I have a hundred grams of aZribute-less peace. The only aZribute is that it's hundred grams. Who would we give it to?
AZribute-less, what do you mean with that?
Whatever you said, quality-less peace, is that what you meant?
Yes.
I have it, and now I'm looking for someone to present it to. Who should I give it to?
[Chuckles] The one that wants it, somehow, that's asking for it.
Yes, but the one with quality, with aZributes, cannot hold on to anything which is quality-less. You see?
Yes.
So, the one that wants it has a quality of limitaHon, has a quality of desire, has a quality of wanHng itself, isn't it?
Yes.
So, that one cannot get it.
Yeah, I can see that, and I've been seeing that also, clearly, it's just speaking out of my mouth also like wow, just happy when it' s here, and...I can see that I'm not that.
And that, which is truly That, that which is truly the Self or the Being, all that is in service to that Being must already be with it, isn't it? Can that which is in service to God or Being, can that be taken away or can God ask for it?
It feels like somehow it cannot be taken away.
Yes. So, only the one that cannot have it, can ask for it. And the one that it comes from, which is the very Source of it, is always here. So, what if I told you that it is the wanHng itself which gets in the way? And without the wanHng, all that you want is already here. You want to try this like a live experiment?
Hmm…
So, like I've been saying [I don't know when you joined], but don't be for a moment. Try your best to not be. And tell me when you succeed. And don't give it to the mind because the mind will obviously say 'No, no, no, that can't happen'. You see, just actually, with the innocence of a child, try not to be. [Silence]
Right now it's not like this, but maybe the feeling of not being is when sleep takes over or when a foggy mind is here.
Yeah. So, forget all that, forget all the projections of past and future, mind, everything. Just right now, right now. Don't give it to the intellect at all. [Silence]
It doesn't...like, I can't try not to be. I can see what I believed prevents me from Being. And that is seen, what I believed prevents me from Being.
So, that aspect of your Being where there is belief and disbelief, don't bother with that aspect of your Being. Where is that aspect contained? Can you share a bit about that?
Hmm...
I can repeat a bit slowly. So, there is an aspect of your Being which has the capacity to believe, to judge, to not believe, to let go. So, let's not worry about that for a moment. What else is there to you?
It's that...Like, there is nothing that is engaging in anything. Nothing that is engaging, you know.
Okay, let's try it this way. There is an aspect of your Being where all perceptions are perceived, yes?
Yeah.
And that includes that which we call objects, it includes thoughts, it includes emotion, sensation, everything. Now, that space in which all of this is there, you see, that space in which all of this is there, is that outside of you?
It's like there is no answer. It's not outside of me. It's, like, I know it's not outside of me.
Yes. And when we try to look for it, just look for a boundary which would separate the inside from the outside. And try to see if body sensations create a boundary, if any other perception creates a boundary. Or is your experience of Beingness the same on either side of the sensation and therefore it is not binding you? [Silence] If you come across something which truly acts as a boundary, you can call that out. [Silence] Is there anywhere, where you are less present compared to somewhere else?
It's like...I'm more like just settling in, than reflecting.
That's fine. Whatever is happening organically is fine. [Silence] Whatever is happening, who is aware of it? Who is witnessing the play of perception?
I don't have an answer. Like, I don't feel that there is an answer.
And yet, you're able to report. You are able to say 'I see this'. Okay, we can even make it simpler. If you can see me on the screen [raises hand], are you aware of the perception of this hand?
Yeah.
So, that 'You' that is aware of this perception, what does that look like?
It doesn't.
What quality does it have?
Maybe there is an expectation that I have to answer something and...
There is no such requirement, no such requirement. In fact, you answer will be meaningless anyway. More important is the recognition, you see. So, all it needs is a little simplicity, because you're saying, [it's so natural, isn't it], 'I am aware of the perception of your hand'. It is 'I'. But this 'I' itself, I don't have a basis, I don't have a phenomenal basis for calling it 'I'. Can we agree there? Can we contemplate this for a moment? I'm aware, it's so obvious, it's so natural that I am aware of all these perceptions, and yet this 'I' that is aware I cannot perceive. And yet so naturally all of us call it 'I'. Because, if I was to say to you 'No, no, it's not you that is aware, it's somebody else', you would say 'No, no, Ananta, what are you saying, so clearly I am aware of the perception'. But this 'I' that is aware is beyond all perceptions. No quality applies to it. On what basis do we call it 'I'? Only on an intuitive basis. In our heart it is so clear that this is what I am. But to the mind, it is all nonsense because it has no way to grasp that which is beyond phenomena.
Key Teachings
- The 'I' that is aware has no quality, attribute, or phenomenal basis - it's beyond all perceptions. We call it 'I' only intuitively.
- The very wanting or desire for peace is what prevents its attainment - without the wanting, all that you want is already here.
- The space in which all perceptions (objects, thoughts, emotions, sensations) appear is not outside of you - there's no boundary separating inside from outside.
From: Letting Go of Every Idea about How This Life Should Go - 15th May 2020