Limitless Gratitude for One Moment of Self-Recognition

I don’t know about the ‘definitely’ part, but we can talk about this some more. So, this much we have to concede that in terms of the recogniJon of that which we are really poinJng to in Satsang of that unchanging Reality, that the mind is incapable of doing, yes?

So, It (the unchanging Reality) is incapable of being a conceptual enJty and It is incapable also of being just a sense percepJon. These are the two fundamental things. The search for that which is the ulJmate Reality or the Absolute or the Self—whatever term we may use for that—it is not accomplished by exercising mind power, mental power, or by exercising our limits of percepJon. And most of us in this room would have tried to use both of those and have more or less come to that conclusion. And if they have not come to that by themselves, all the masters have pointed them over and over to that, saying that ‘Subtler than the intellect is your Self. The Self will never be seen as an object of percepJon. Everything that you perceive, it comes and goes, but Reality does not come and go.’ So, all of these pointers are there and it has made it is clear to us that there must be some thing which is—we are using the term ‘thing’ provisionally—there must be some thing which is beyond being captured as something that I can figure out and beyond being able to just see or smell or taste, beyond any sense percepJon. So, the main point of Satsang is to come to a discovery first-hand, as you said, about That. And all the pointers like ‘Are you aware now? What do you know when you know nothing?”—whatever pointers, there are hundreds of them that we have used in Satsang—these incisive pointers are meant for you to just be able to focus—but not focus in the sense of a]enJon, but just give some Jme to this simple recogniJon of That which is ever present. So, the same that I asked earlier—this discovery of Awareness, what tool do you discover with? Is it a]enJon? Is it conceptual? Is it just another percepJon? How do we come to the discovery of Awareness?

How do you know that you are aware of? Because the ‘of’ part we all know: I am aware of my being, and within my being I am aware of this enJre play of the manifest universe and all of these sensaJons, percepJons, whatever it may be. So, I am not so concerned about the ‘of what’—the ‘of what’ can keep changing, and it always is changing, so we are not so concerned with that. But that aware, that you are aware, how is that known? Is that perceived? Is that just a concept? What about that?

So, that place where you’ve tried over and over to get the answer, don’t rely on that place for a moment. Because that place will never have this answer and whatever answer it will have will not be the true answer anyway.

As you let go of that space of intellect, the mind-intellect space, now—provisionally, I will use the term ‘heart’ but you don’t have to take it seriously—is there a heart knowing? Is there a deeper sense of recogniJon of this Awareness?

Actually, there, where I am poinJng to, you do know. But what can happen—and that’s what happened here also for a long Jme—was that I was trying to include that or conceptualize that using a mental lens, and only when it was confirmed through the mental lens that yes, yes, this is actually how it is, then I would feel like then I’ve really got it. I wonder if the words are geVng somewhere because it can sound very absurd; I do realize it can sound absurd.

So, the proof of that is already with you in the sense that you are able to confirm Awareness without the mind. You are able to confirm Awareness without percepJon and without the mind but it is just not making any sense to you because it cannot, actually. It cannot make sense there. Because we are so used to consuming knowledge in that way, like a perceptual or mental way, that this can just seem like is this even really true? But if you were to truly ask yourself in your heart ‘Am I aware?’ Yes! But you don’t have a how, you don’t have a what, the mechanics or the process. And we got so used to the how and the mechanics and the process that it feels like the discovery itself must be false because I don’t know how this is happening or what is the mechanics of it. And that is why to the mind the realizaJon of the Self will always be the mystery, and that mystery will only deepen the more and more you listen to a master. It is not that that mystery will get resolved; the mystery will only deepen in the mind, but in your heart that mystery is your living reality, it is not mysterious at all. And that it what keeps bringing you back. Because I know that I have confused you and frustrated you enough, and yet you keep coming back because something sJll resonates, and that something is definitely not your mind, isn’t it? So, you already are accessing that aspect of your existence, that intuiJve aspect of your existence, but you are sJll in a way relying on a mental confirmaJon, which will say, ‘Give me the evidence of this, recogniJon of this discovery.’ But that—the way the mind wants evidence—it will never have. And yet the mind is not all powerful because in spite of all of its protestaJons, if you were to be truthful, you will always say ‘I am Aware.’ That is such a master key, such a master key, because in your heart of hearts you know that you are Aware. But this Aware is not a worldly discovery, therefore the mind is at a loss, it does not know how to deal with it. [Pauses] Now, everything you can separate from yourselves, everything will go, the body sensaJons stop, all sense percepJons may stop, everything may go. But this Awareness does not go; that is the only ‘thing’ that remains even in our sleep state or, —as the young man earlier was talking about samadhi—states like that, where you may have just a pure sense of Awareness there and a slight sliver of Being (otherwise it would just be like sleep). So, that slight sliver of Beingness is what makes samadhi samadhi, and people are trying so hard to get to the samadhi states, but actually sleep state is the primordial. How are you aware of yourself sleeping? Many will say, hearing this—if you have not heard my full explanaJon of this— many will say, ‘But I am not aware of myself sleeping.’ You are not aware of your self the way you think you are. All of that goes and yet you are aware of sleep state.

It’s okay, it is completely fine. I can completely relate to the back and forth, and I did that for many years as well, so it’s completely fine. But my advice always is that the instrument has to be the right instrument. If you are using the wrong instrument for the job, then obviously you will end up geVng frustrated. So, will you try to measure the space in this room using a weighing scale? Will you try to use your ears to write something? So, in the same way, we cannot use our mind to discover that which is too subtle for the mind to discover.

You are looking for confirmaJon from the mind. And it is not your fault because that is the way we’ve been taught; all our condiJoning is about that unless we are able to get a mental confirmaJon saying ‘yes, that is it.’ And what does the mind do if you get into a special state, if some chakras are shining, if something like that is happening? That it can deal with and say, ‘Yes, yes, this is good stuff, you are geVng somewhere.’ But this, which is so beyond the mind, it is too subtle for it to grab, just like these hands cannot grab the space, then it is not going to confirm it for you. So, your insights are valid but your need for confirmaJon from this intellect is what is keeping you stuck in a way, or frustrated in a way, at Jmes.

Yes. But the thing is that even the a]empt to give it up completely is also a conceptual one. So, I don’t want to give my full blessing to that kind of endeavour because many Jmes people misunderstand that and then they try to just be like [sits back, hands spread out, then sits forward, hands in the air], ‘Oh no, no, that is mine, oh no.’ You see, it becomes another convoluted state and the naturalness or the simplicity of it gets a bit convoluted because we are just trying to give up the mind so much. So, it is just like a simple—very, very simple—way of exisJng where these concepts can come and go, but when I say you are not relying on them, at least we start with not relying on them for our idenJty, for who we are.

[laughs] Yes, it is the bulk. That’s true.

I take that example that someJmes we feel like the mind is making a harmless observaJon that the coconut is green. Now, the thing is that even that is not true, but even to presume that’s true—usually the mind doesn’t stop at that. It usually inserts your idenJty within the next two or three thoughts and says, ‘Oh, I like green coconuts. You know, once I was in Kerala, I had a really nice green….’ So it brings the I into it very quickly, it doesn’t let it rest on just phenomenal things which are not confirmable anyway.

Try, try it. I sense some minute skepJcism in your voice, but try it.

Yes, that is the development of trust. Because we come and then we hear things which iniJally sound very strange, then we say okay. We look at it and something feels lighter, more open. Of course, there are spiritual tantrums and frustraJon—all those come along the way also—but more or less you can sense the validity of what is being spoken at a deep level, and then that reinforces more and more and more, and that is the development of trust.