Let My Love Hold You
True freedom comes from recognizing you are Awareness, not the desire-er; before asking what you want, first confirm who is wanting.
I don't know actually what to say or bring. There are a lot of things actually, and it's like every person who speaks today, I could relate so much in my heart and as if they just offered on behalf of my heart also. And what I can say is like this confusion thing, because I feel also like there is so much to going to the head and try to not figure out but I don't know. [When I] only to go to mind there is no answer or nothing at all. At the same Hme yes there is so much confusion, but I cannot say that I am confused at all. Yes, this is the place of confusion [points to her head] but at the same Hme there's incredible ease and it's like I'm being merged in some kind of surrender. And it's not even 'I' do this, it's like [it] just happens. There are sHll desires. There is like an expectaHon and desire about life and I have exposed this to you before. I have projecHons and I know really Father, just life has not shown me, but has proven it to me. It's like everything which is taking place is just beyond my imaginaHon and everything is just a happening. It is just happening whether it is beauHful or not, maybe I cannot say this is beauHful, but it's like there is no disHncHon anymore. [However], these kind of things are playing here because the [desires] sHll have some charge and resistance is sHll playing. When I was in Zmar, Guruji [Sri Mooji] told me “Relax, and let my love hold you.” And of course, it was so and it is so. Yet Father, since I know myself there is always un-relaxaHon in this body and in my life also I feel too much contracHon. And first Hme in my life, in that trip which I went, it's like I heard the words of Guruji [Sri Mooji]. I remember it like the “Relax” part and it feels like his words awakens within and really Father first Hme in my life I experience a relaxaHon, you know? [Extended laughing and crying]. When I came back to the family again, this old unrelaxaHon is sHll here and it's like it's in the body and I don't know. [It feels] like nothing works. Just this is the environment and there is really a wish within me. [Crying] I don't want to be in this state anymore.
That wish is already true. That wish is already true. Okay so, besides the contracHon feeling, what else is there?
Okay, the contracHon itself is not problem, but my resistance and ..
Okay, besides contracHon and the resistance, what else is there?
Father, I don't want to leave this thing.
You don't want to leave it?
I don't want to come with you now.
But you had your hand up. [Laughing] “Don't take me” [gesturing comically]
Father, it's not that I don't want to come with you.
You want to report, but you don't want to come.
No, no, no. This thing about the desire, the desire is something like this...
What will be taken away from you?
What will be taken away from me?
Yeah, you feel like you'll become a desire-less robot or something. Is that the idea or?
No. Desire is not apart from me now. I'm just so much idenHfied with desire and I turn into desire itself. I am a desirer now, I play with it and that's why, it's the play itself, like I don't want to leave that realm. And this whole play is just .. yeah I have to leave this to you.. and before also I leave it to you, but it's sHll here, but really now I want to leave it to you. [Short silence] Now I can come with you. [Laughs]
Because our mind's concepts about what is true about us is not our true situaHon. Right now, right now, you're completely Free. There's no desire. You need a minute to think about what desire you have. Not a minute, but a moment at least. You're too big, you're too broad in your Reality to be just a 'desire-er', or a 'do-er'. All these 'ers' are just ideas from the mind, but if we want something in our narraHve then all of them will seem very true. If you want something like a glorious ending, or if you want some conclusion, or if you want some ending to this story then all of these will seem true. Otherwise to come with me is the simplest because you're already like that.
Yes Father, I live in the experience of this also with you, but Father, I don't know, I just want a change in my life too.
Suppose you wanted just one thing. Suppose you wanted only one thing, what would that be?
Of course, you.
Then I am there. Your Presence is always there.
But...okay.
'But' is duality knocking. 'But' is duality knocking. If you open the door it will present you a dual idea. If you want the Truth, if you want the Guru, then your own Divine Presence is always there. Ananta is obviously just a representaHon of that, but once you want that, you cannot want anything else, truly. Everything else has to be according to what the Divine Presence wants.
Yes. And, I'm so happy Father because I also pray like this, you know. I'm like a liZle bit, (I don't know if it is the right word), but 'naughty child'. It's like I always cry for God and the Feet of God and at the same Hme I want 'this' [the desire] and it's like I am forcing it to, and ...
This road is very narrow. You see, this road is very narrow. Either God can walk on it or you can. Either God can walk on it or you can.
Even though I want something, I ask for something and actually I cry a lot because of this 'naughHness' yet my prayer is always like this: 'Even though I beg for you and I ask something please do what you want, you know just don't fulfil my projecHons.' And it's really, He gives me the most most most most enjoyable life too, also. Yet, I don't know what it is. I don't know why I.. sHll things are like this, but they are coming up and .. It's sHll there here. And aeer the Satsang they will conHnue to play.
It'll be fine. It'll be fine, my dear. It'll be fine. Yes. Either there can be God or 'you'. So let God play with them.
Father, and maybe they are not.. I don't know.. maybe they are true too. May it be?
True too? What?
Maybe they are also true.
Yes. But it depends on whether you're a giraffe or a rabbit, no? You know what I mean? So it could be a true desire for a giraffe, but do you know that you're a giraffe? A giraffe may want to eat from the tallest tree, you see? Suppose you get this thought saying 'I want to eat from the tallest tree because I want to be the best giraffe.' But then I would ask you, 'Who are you?' So for the desire to be valid or not, first we have to conclude on who you are isn't it? So, I can tell you if the desire is true or not for you but it depends on who you are. If you are a cat you want a mouse. If you are a mouse you want to run from the cat. If you are a giraffe you want leaves. If you are a Hger you want meat. You see, it's all different [for] different things. So all desires can be true for 'them' depending on who 'they' are. So which desires are true for you depends on who you are. So that has to be found out first, isn't it, before we can explore whether the desire is true or not? If you're truly human than human desires are true for you. If you are God then God desires are true for you. If you are Awareness then Awareness's desires are true for you, but who are you?
Like, all of them?
All of them and none of them. All of them and beyond all of them. If you are all of everything then All There Is cannot have a desire because you are already All There Is.
Okay. Father, now I see that why desires become just so much bigger than they are. Because it's like the 'idea' you know, like 'I should not have desire, anything about this thing [poinHng to the body].' About what this body-mind feels.. Yet, there is and there is this kind of separaHon like, 'You shouldn't want this', 'It's not good for your Satsang', 'Why [do[ you desire for this?', 'Why [do] you want this?', but actually they are just (maybe) innocent. They are just appearing, maybe. Maybe they will just go.
By the way, I have never said that you must not want this or you must not want that. But really what I'm saying is that before you can conclude.. Again you are looking at the desire side and the validity and the invalidity of them, no? I'm asking, 'But before you can confirm the validity of a desire you have to confirm who you are no?' Suppose you are a pigeon, but you are actually chasing an eagle's desires. You want to spend your whole pigeon life chasing a eagle's desires? No. So first you have to confirm whether you are a pigeon or an eagle.
How [is it] to be done?
That's what all of Satsang is for. That's what all of Satsang is for. Because that is the basic fundamental, no? Before we can say anything else, 'I want this', 'I need this', 'I don't want this', 'I want to go there', 'I don't want to go there', you have to first confirm who is the protagonist of that, who is the central character? [Silence] So that's the only thing I say. I don't say, 'You have to give up this desire', 'You shouldn't want this', 'You shouldn't want that'. All I'm saying is that you have to just confirm and make sure that it is valid for you, for what you truly are. I don't want you looking back later saying, 'Oh I was a pigeon, but I told him I have an eagle's desire and he didn't even stop me.' So, I feel like if you contemplate (and there are enough Satsang highlights and things) in terms of what you really are before you can confirm what you want, that'll be helpful. Otherwise, in a way we can fall into the same trap, no? The people who say, 'You should not do this', 'You should not do this', they take you to be something and say 'Should not'. And you take yourself to be the same thing and say, 'I should, it's okay to do that.' But you're reinforcing their idea of what you are. I am asking, can we just look? Can you just look and see what is it that you are truly? And then we can figure out the 'shoulds' and 'should-nots'. SomeHmes people ask me, 'So why is it so important that I find out who I am?' And I say, 'All of this that you're doing for someone, you have to at least make sure you are that, no?' We run on this treadmill in life saying, 'I want this', 'I want life to have these states', 'I want this kind of relaHonship', 'I want this kind of family', 'I want this kind of Master', 'I want this type of spirituality', all of that. And suppose the one that is running on the treadmill is not the one you think you are? So at least I owe it to all of you to remind you of that and to get you to check. And then if you confirm and say, 'But I am this pigeon, therefore I want to eat these grains,' I'll say, 'Yes, its fine because you're a pigeon.'
Father, may I add something? In one of our last conversaHons, I reported to you that there is so much natural, spontaneous existence is being experienced here. Something felt like, 'This is it'. Something feels like you know the dynamic existence is just happening, just by itself and everything just unfolds by itself...
It's fine. It's fine. Everything that is unfolding is always unfolding spontaneously anyway. It's a good thing. That means your mind is not pu^ng everything into a linear narraHve. So it's fine.
But it seems like. It seems like this natural existence is not exactly what you are offering us by saying, 'Find out who you are'.
Yes, because suppose that giraffe's natural existence is different from pigeon's natural existence. It's important to confirm, no? Suppose you felt like natural existence is to crawl on the ground because you're a worm, you see, and I say, 'But are you really a worm?' [And you say] 'Get away from me just tell me whether crawling on the ground is natural existence or not?' It depends on what you are.
I'm so thankful for this clarificaHon.
Key Teachings
- The wish for freedom is already true - the desire to be free from contraction is itself proof that freedom is your nature
- Before evaluating whether desires are valid, you must first determine who you are - a pigeon, giraffe, or Awareness itself
- Either God walks on the road or you walk on it - there's a choice between ego's desires or Divine will
- All desires can be true depending on what you are - a cat wants mouse, a giraffe wants leaves, but who are you?
From: Stop Trying To Understand What-Is, Meet What-Is - 12th March 2021