The Seeming Effort Is Undeniable in the Human Condition - 18th November 2024

And if it sounds too good to be true, that how can it be that I am not troubled just by remembering God's name, by saying God, or by saying Ram, or saying Jesus, or saying Allah—that you have to try and see. It is too good to be true, and yet if your mind is saying 'easier said than done,' you see, it is because the whole play of Maya is to prevent us from doing that. The whole play of Maya is so that we postpone God to later. Why does it work like that? Because it is supernatural; it is beyond the natural phenomenal functioning of this world.

For this, sort of imagery is coming up for me to share. It may turn out to be completely silly, but let's see where it goes. So it's coming to say that our life is like a string, like a piece of string, and it has two ends. On one end is like a jumping character creature, you see, just jumping around, fluttering about from place to place. It has no real entity; it is nobody. It has no viability, no tangibility, no strength, nothing. It's just a tiny, like an insect which is fluttering about. And on the other end of that string is the highest of the high, the mightiest of the mighty, the source of all love, intelligence—everything that is valuable comes from Him.

And our spiritual life is to go from identification with that bundle of flesh and blood to the recognition of a union with Him, or the feeling of merging into Him. So the recognition of the Oneness and the intuitive feeling of merging is not distinct from each other. So in a way, it is like the rolling up of the string back into its source. But the important thing is that this process can only happen if the Atma does it, if His Holy Spirit does it. My only function in this is to turn inwards, is to knock at His door, is to ask the question. But also in humility to recognize that I cannot knock well, I cannot ask 'Who am I?' well, I cannot remember God well. There is no real 'better' over there. I can only be empty of myself as much as I can and turn in full faith and humility. But the pulling back of this string is only done by His presence. The merging back into Him, the recognition of Oneness, is nothing that any of us can ever do. And yet it is important for us, as long as it feels like effort, to take the effort to turn towards Him.

So how is it that the false one arises? How did this Advaita Vedanta come into play, and how does it really dissolve back? It would be explainable if it was worldly or mechanical, but because it is a function of Grace, it is beyond any description. That is why any spiritual pride is a great misunderstanding. Because what is spiritual pride? It is like saying that the way I said Ram was better than the way you said Ram, so Ram came to me, so I'm better than you. That's a complete fallacy. It's a complete fallacy because the method in itself is completely secondary to our intention of fully emptying ourselves for Him. And nobody can say, 'I am better than you because I had a greater intention of emptying myself for God,' because that itself proves that you're so full of yourself, isn't it so? And in that way, it can contaminate our spiritual journey as well.

In the same way, we cannot ever become despondent because that is the same fallacy as well. So like an infant, our job is to cry for the mother and say, 'Pick me up.' Now, one mother picks us up and she takes us to the temple. One mother decides that she has to—okay, I'm taking the metaphor too far—but decides that she has to finish some shopping for the house first and then goes to the temple. But could the mother ever not have the child's best interest at heart? So for the child to get disheartened and say, 'It's not working, I'm doing something wrong, I'm not calling God right,' all that is a misunderstanding because you're treating God as if He's not the most intelligent one, that all intelligence doesn't arise from Him. In the simple statement that He knows, it could be the end of all of our suffering.

Are you getting this point? I may be misquoting the Bible, I hope I'm forgiven for that, but somewhere it says in Matthew that if someone asks you for bread, would you give them a stone? You see? And if you would never do that, then don't you feel that God loves you much more than that? And in your asking for bread, He would give you much more. So just know that He knows. And if you could never give a stone in response to a request for bread, then how would God ever do that? So if you say Ram, or you say Rama, or you say Ra—I may get in trouble with some pandits for this, but I promise you that He knows. He knows who you're calling. And actually, we can never know maybe what is the best way to do it. Can we ever know what is the right way to pray?

I've been at this for a few years and I don't know how to pray well. I have no mastery over prayer. I have no mastery over inquiry because how to get mastery over that which is not at all a phenomenal process? So it's always an act of love and always an act of faith, and we have to rely on the fact that He knows and we can only ever do it badly, you see. Because to do it well would mean that it is guaranteed, and Grace is never a guarantee. Grace is never an entitlement. So what is then one to do? Maybe we can have faith in the teacher's words and say, 'He has said that God lives in my heart and my job is to turn towards that and enter that temple of my heart and to pray to Him, to remember His name, or to ask myself who I am.' And basically, this is the extent of the spirituality that I know. That's about it. Keep all the fancy words aside. All I know is that I just have to turn towards Him in my heart and to remember His name, to pray to Him, to communicate, to deepen in my love for Him.

So sometimes you feel that, 'But I don't know how to pray, what to say,' and even that He's resolved for us by giving us the Atma Samadhi prayer. He's made it so straightforward that if you feel helpless, that we don't know what to say next, just say the prayer. It's been some time now, but I continue to marvel at the gift of this prayer. And I know fully that this man, this one whose mouth is speaking, has nothing to do with where it came from.

You know, as a human parent—you're talking about parenting a little while ago—but as a human parent, you come to know after some time when the child is seriously calling you and when the child is just wanting your attention or something like that is not so serious. And I'm starting to realize that with as Lan's box also, when something seriously is happening and he really needs some help, or he's just bored and wants some attention or something like that, so you can start to tell. So if we with our limited understanding can tell, do we feel that God can't tell? That God doesn't know exactly what we want? How much of a dissolution of ourselves do we really want? He always knows much better.

He knows better, exactly. So because I could be very easily stuck in pride and not realizing, I could be thinking that all I want is God, but when push comes to shove, when the rubber hits the road, I may change my mind. There could be a lot of desire here which is just pent up and not at least visible so far. So I cannot tell.

Yes. So longing is beautiful Grace. Longing, yeah. So she says that the longing was given to me because I don't have the tools to create longing, you see. Now even the ones with the very deep longing, when they are under the attack of Maya, then that longing is forgotten. The world seems real, you see. So my job is to remember as much as possible during those times, to take His name, to return to Him, you see. Now it's a beautiful question and sometimes irritating, but it's a beautiful question to look at: but isn't that turning also God's will?

Just the other day a new way of sharing came. Not that anything greater than that, maybe it is useful to a little bit of extent where if you can look at it this way: that all the sages have told us to follow God's will. So they must have meant that there's that element that I can follow my mind, I can follow my separation, urge for separation, instead of my urge for love. And at the same time, they have told us that everything always happens in God's will. Everything always happens. So the way I'm looking at it is that everything happens in His supremacy. Nothing can take away from that, that it's His supremacy. Even the amount of freedom He has given His children. Because I don't feel like God is the kind of parent who has forced us to love Him, or God is the kind of beloved who is forcing our reciprocation. That would be too strange to imagine, you see. So since He is not that beloved who is forcing a reciprocation, then that must mean that in His overall supremacy, and because time and things like that are not linear for Him, it doesn't get...

You can take away from that that it's His supremacy. See even the amount of freedom He has given His children, because I don't feel like God is the kind of parent who has forced us to love Him, or God is the kind of beloved who is forcing our reciprocation. That would be too strange to imagine, you see. So since He is not that beloved who is forcing a reciprocation, then that must mean that in His overall supremacy—and because time and things like that are not linear for Him—it doesn't get in the way of His will. And yet we have the power moment to moment to let go of our mind, be empty of ourselves, and to turn towards God in our heart. Because otherwise it would be much too convenient for us to say, 'But if I have to turn to Him also, it has to happen by His will.' Then why did all the sages tell us that we must follow God's will? Even that following of God's will would happen by His will. So it happens in His supremacy, in His overall will, but He has given us that freedom to love Him in this moment or to pick Maya in this moment. Otherwise, Maya would not be anything; we don't need Maya. So that is as far as our intellect can grasp.

So this explanation is just to allow us to turn with everything in our might. It is not an accurate description; it is not true for sure. But as far as our intellect can go, this is good enough for us to lead a spiritual life: that everything happens in His will or in His supremacy, but we have to hand over our will to Him. We have to pick love; we have to pick Him over separation. So please don't waste the rest of your life in this mental block that you cannot turn towards Him. If it is difficult, then go through the difficulty. And many times the difficulty is our own smartness. We refuse to become simple because we are scared of what we will find.

And Nisargadatta Maharaj said that you may do all the jappa, you may apply all the smartness, all the rationalizations, every excuse in the world, but till you surrender your will to Him, nothing is going to happen. One child used to come many years back and she had such a beautiful sense of humor, amazing. Like, she could take anything and make such a beautiful joke out of it. It was amazing. But then one day, by God's grace, I realized that it is that which is getting in the way. It is that which is getting in the way because anything that was pointed out to her, she would just turn it into some wordplay and enjoy this joy in wordplay. 'Ah, see, from that it became that. Look at that, isn't that great?' you see. So, and for a while all of us can get caught up in that sort of performing, that sort of wordplay. But it is important to notice for ourselves: what is the defense that we use? So to exchange God's presence for some smartness of the intellect—even if it is a very high-seeming thought or a very beautiful-sounding joke—is like exchanging the ocean for a grain of sand, not even a drop of water, is it? Pick that which takes you deeper within. And if humor takes you deeper within, if wordplay takes you deeper within, then use that. If it takes you back into your intellect, into the safety zone of how clever you are, then let that go.

And we sit quietly and for a few moments we are empty of ourselves. What happens? Is it a limbo? 'I stop working on myself, I'm empty of myself, so then everything should stop,' isn't it? But in that emptiness, what happened? That process, if you can call it a process, is not in the realm of phenomena. It is beyond this world. In the laws of this world, what should happen? It should all stop, isn't it? Once I've let go, because I am the driver in the rules of this world, then I stop driving, so we must come to a stop. But if there is a spiritual process and if there is any spiritual deepening, then it only happens in that time. So all the instructing, all the millions of words in spirituality that have been spoken, are just teaching us how to come to this point of knocking at His door. And the more of yourself you will hold on to, the more it seems to impede God working in your heart. So just like that, the process: some thought comes, brush it off. Yes, I was just saying, then the next one comes. And that disengagement could be the prayer, or it could be the inquiry; it could be anything spiritually that is potent and has come from your teacher to help you in remaining disengaged.

I just remembered that we were on our way to the park and you said that God said, 'I love you very much.' My turn, and quickly the mind said, 'But God never said that to you. Yeah, He said that to Father.' But I see that He has told me 'I love you' in a million ways, Father.

Exactly. I like that. In a day there are a hundred times where He says 'I love you' to me, you know. Exactly. I just... that's so important. That our life is a sign of how much He loves us, how much He has helped us, is a sign of that. There's a joke, no? That if all of us are still alive in spite of Indian traffic, that means God is running the world. Just like that. But that we are here now, sitting comfortably in this foolishness in life, you and the ways of the world, just shows us that God loves us so much. And the good thing is that the point of having a teacher, the point of calling someone Father or Guru, is that everything that he or she says applies to them, then has to be taken in faith that it applies to you as well, see? So the point of telling you was not that, 'See, I'm so cool.' No, no. I know that you feel that God told me He loves me. The emphasis was not on the 'me'—'Oh, so special, God loves me.' It is to say that this love, His love, is for all of us. He loves us also so much. And you're absolutely right that with everyone it will be in different ways that that love is conveyed.

Suppose there are two children on the way to school. One child, the school bus picks them up and they come to school fairly comfortably. The other child has to go through a lot of obstacles; there's even quicksand on the way, and they make it a point still to come to school. So God knows. Even sages had this question: how is it that some seem to have it so easy? And in a way, connected to what was asking earlier, that they just have such a deep longing that they never turned away from God. And for some of us it is so tough that we have to keep surrendering our will, fighting against what the mind is saying; all of that seems so difficult. So just these two words I feel also are a great mahamantra: He knows. He knows which child is taking which route, which child has had it which way.

For you to turn to disengage... to disengage is not to turn towards? To disengage, yes. That is not like you saying it's an effort that you have to make a choice?

Not... yes, in the sense that we've looked at the mechanics of this disengagement. So what do we have to disengage with? Firstly, it is the next thought, basically, isn't it? That it's making an offer. That offer contains the notion of individuality, even if it seems like it doesn't, or at least the sense of individuality is not far from belief in the thought. So we looked at the mechanics of it. We said, what are the two forces at play? Attention and belief. So we look at how difficult it is to try and get mastery over attention, and how much easier it is to just not believe the content of that offer. So that withdrawal of belief can seem like effort. Okay, so the thought is telling you, 'But it is not effort.' Let's take this very example. So the thought is saying, 'But it's not effort.' I see it's not effort, you see that? So just see now what is effort and not effort; we can come to later if there is such a thing and is there anything at all then. But does it feel like, does it seem like effort? It does. I don't feel like there's anyone who can say that 'I can let go of belief in my thought effortlessly.' You would be a mahayogi or someone who is manonasa and those kind of fancy things. But for all of us, including especially this one, it can seem like effort to do that.

Now the question for a deep contemplation with ourselves is: is there such a thing as effort ultimately? Then the question leads to: is there anything at all ultimately? But as long as there is a sense that there's something at all, and as long as there is a sense that we are in the middle of this Mahabharat, it'll seem like we'll have to make that effort. That seeming effort is undeniable in the human condition. Every sage may say that 'I was carried throughout by God's grace.' Every sage may say, 'I was carried throughout.' But no sage will say, 'It was actually easy. Why are you guys making a big deal? It's so easy.' There's nobody I've heard of at least—maybe some Zen master just to break our intellect may be saying things like that, but that's for different reasons. But if anyone were to make a report about the journey of their lives, nobody will say it was easy, effortless.

And that is why we have all these stories of great sages like Narad Ji and Vishwamitra Ji who got tempted by Maya. Like, even the greatest sages got tempted by Maya. There's no greater Vishnu bhakta than Narad Ji, so he got tempted by Maya and left Krishna. We are told these things so that we remember that it can be so difficult for these great sages. So we are not to expect that this is going to be easy or permanent or fixed forever. These kind of things which have the capacity to make us proud, keep us humble. Now you can hear the stories another way and say, 'Ha, Narad? Narad got tempted? I don't get tempted.' So please don't get into that kind of nonsense because Maya loves a challenge like that more than everything. Famous last words: 'I don't get tempted.' If we were to look at our life truly, as objectively as possible for one day, we will see that we have no room for pride. I am speaking about myself. Pride blinds us. It doesn't allow us to see. It makes rationalizations and reasons. It says, 'Because you are doing it, it must be right,' these kind of things. It's very tempting to get into those. So we have to be careful of that kind of pride. We have to try and notice ourselves as much as we can. I wish, you know, there was a... maybe one siddhi to have would be to, as well as I can spot it in others, if I could just spot it in myself. That is all we need. That is the most difficult one. And it's the message of the whole Ramacharitmanas, it is the message of the whole Bible. In the Bible, over and over, hundreds of times, the same thing: pride, pride, pride, pride, pride. Ramacharitmanas also: pride, pride, pride.

So what happens? As well as I can spot it in another, I can't spot it in myself. Even just freely flowing without all spirituality, that seems like disengaging in the sense you're not controlling in a way. But how are you freely flowing without spirit?

It's okay, no, no. I'm just trying to understand this. I picked up this could be me going my will. It's okay, it's okay. Take your time. Just look at that deeply. One thing is that if you are empty, then spirit is unavoidable. And all the magic that happens is because of spirit. There may be teachers who, for reasons best known to their culture and tradition, they may not say 'God.' So Master Bankei may say, 'All things are perfectly resolved in the Unborn.' It means that in a way what you said reminded me of that: that I'm not giving birth to my mind, you see, by not identifying. Just all things are perfectly resolved. But how is it that all things are perfectly resolved? Like if I'm tempted with something... just let me finish this point, which is that what comes into play is beyond the natural, beyond the roller coaster up and down of the world. That is what comes into play, and that is God. That is the spirit. So when we are empty, when we remain in the Unborn, then that which is beyond the material realm is carrying our life. And in that, everything is perfectly resolved, which is the same thing if you remember God, if you turn to God. Otherwise, how is it possible? Like the child who made the report at the beginning of satsang, she is going through so much in her life—ailing mother, so many problems, so many things happening.

The up and down of the world is what comes into play, and that is God; that is the spirit. So when we are empty, when we remain in the Unborn, then that which is beyond the material realm is carrying our life, and in that, everything is perfectly resolved. Which is the same thing if you remember God, if you turn to God. Otherwise, how is it possible? Like the child who made the report at the beginning of satsang; she is going through so much in her life, an ailing mother, so many problems, so many things happening. How is it that just saying 'God' seems to make it manageable? Not easy, maybe, but manageable. It seems to give us the strength, seems to make those things not as oppressive. How is it? It cannot be a worldly movement. Grace has to come into play.

So I'm not at all attacking the Zen teachers. I feel like in some lifetime I would love to also be like a Zen teacher or something like that because I love that whole, you know, just messing the intellect so much that it has no option but to step out of the way, and we empty ourselves in that way. I love that whole thing. And maybe because, like Nagarjuna, they also felt that if you speak so much of God, then God will become conceptual and we start to fill ourselves up with more and more notions of God. Whatever the rationalization was, so I'm not attacking them, but I'm just saying that the outcome of resolution of all things—which is not a small promise to make, you see, all things are perfectly resolved—cannot happen because of a so-called natural mechanism. It must be Grace. And that Grace is only the outpouring from the presence of spirit itself.

And again, Bhagavan was also asked this question: 'Grace is like God's will. Is everything Grace?' Yes. And yet there are things which you can say, 'This was Grace.' So everything is His Prasad, but this was Prasad for sure, you see? So Bhagavan also answered this way: that although everything is in the overarching Grace of God, and yet there are those things which seem like unexpected and undeserved blessings which come to us, which we call Grace, which is not in the natural movement. So for Grace to flow, the presence of spirit, the outpouring of love from the spirit has to be there. The Atma has to play that role. Then it happened to us. We may be completely lost about a particular thing, then something happened; we were just quiet, not even thinking about anything, and it seems to have resolved itself. It seems so simple, it seems so direct. Who taught us in that silence? Who taught us? Who showed us?

Many times it happens that outer evidence is needed because we're so attached to name and form and we are troubled by something, but something in the world shows us that it is Grace. So the outpouring can happen in this way. That's why to just keep returning to spirit, just keep returning to Atma, is spirituality. And it's strange that we have to see it in satsang, that spirituality is about the spirit, that spirituality is about God. Spirit would not be spirit unless it was about God. Then spirit would be Casper the Friendly Ghost or something—hopefully friendly.

The beauty of this is that we are being lived by God's spirit, we are being breathed by God's spirit, we are being animated by God's spirit. And the forgetting of that, a very absurd, strange forgetting of that, is the trick of Maya. Because otherwise, if we were to lose ourselves, all should be lost. How is all found? The famous gospel song: 'I was once lost but now I'm found.' But nobody that sang that song said, 'I was once lost and then I became deeply ambitious and then I climbed this wall and this ladder and see, now I'm found.' Nobody, hopefully nobody, has sung it like that. It has always been sung in the sense of: 'I was so lost, full of myself, then I surrendered to God. I emptied myself of me. I got rid of this love for my pride, this love for my ego, this love for the false me, and I started to love God, and now I'm found.' So I lost myself and now I'm found. How is it possible? If you lost yourself, all should be lost. So self-relax, self-love. The false smallest self is actually hobbling on crutches. To let go of these is to start to fly, being carried by the Atma within.

It is there. And if time was a thing for it, then they are waiting impatiently for you to let go. Let go. As much effort as it seems to take, it seems strange to say 'let go' even if it feels like effort. But to not admit that it is effortful is to say that there is no play of Maya happening. It can sound very good in fantastic-sounding satsang, but it doesn't really help us day to day. Because when the auto overcharges you, if you haven't built up the muscles to let go with practice, you're not going to let go—or whatever that metaphor points to for you. So what is that for you? That's what you have to work.

This trying, is it God's will? Isn't it eventually God's will? I want to say yes, in the bigger picture, yes. But it's not true for me. A clear example is, so I can pray in words, and there are sometimes when He just pulls me into a prayer where I don't have to use words. Yeah, and it's very clear that I cannot do that part. And it's not always happening when He decides for whatever reason, exactly. And so it's so clear, my effort and His Grace, you know? So I can't ever say that it's completely not true. Absolutely. I feel like all my life I'll have to try. It just doesn't...

And the handover point, you can't really say. No, it's beautiful what you said, but the handover point even we can't really see. No, in the sense that, yeah, I'm explaining, so I have to turn to Him. At what point did He take over? Was it at the point of my intention to turn? Was it at the point of the Krishna being said, 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God' being said? At what point did the switch over happen? Even that we can't really see. There's no way to tell. It could be that then it was over to Him. So it's like this: that metaphor of us, Krishna having held up the Govardhan and yet we are going to support Him in that process, is very, very helpful. So that's a beautiful thing, that our spiritual life is that. We have to go and hold up the stick although we know that He is the one holding it up. And yet we have to.

Beautiful thing. Even this YouTube example that you keep saying, you know, like I have this clear... like today I was just so worked up with all the family drama. I just, I'm just going to watch... I know, I knew it. I didn't want to turn to God. I just want to watch some cooking videos. And I knew I have to turn to God, you know.

So what did you cook?

Some random cookies which I would never ever bake in my life, really. Yeah, like you, I'm like, no, I'm not going to make this. But I have watched YouTube cooking videos where I have a purpose, you know, I want to make something and I know it's not running away from God. And this was clearly, 'I don't want to look at, I don't want to pray, I don't want to talk to God,' you know? It was for a short time, but it was a clear-cut choice. I mean, so it's very clear inside when you're sometimes... when you're deviating and you don't want to turn, which is a torture also because you can't stay there for too long. So it's like, you better turn now even if it's tasting bad. It's hard.

That's it. And the whole irony of it is that those who have caught the bug, yeah, that's it, those who have caught the bug cannot be at ease without being with God. That has been the whole contemplation of disease. YouTube doesn't give Shanti. Shanti doesn't come because you caught the bug. And maybe even before catching the bug, it was not true that we would find some ease in those things, but we didn't know any better. Or maybe that seeming outer relaxation or something seemed like the true ease of being. The just lightness of being, the ease of being, only comes when we are carried by Him. Even though the taste of the phenomenon might still be... like in that moment when I pray, I might still not feel that peace that I'm looking for in YouTube. I said the child walking through quicksand, yeah, can be so tough. And God knows it's very hard. It's very hard. It's very... so to be in the quest for God, to be in spirituality, is to accept the hardness of the path.

All okay. I'm all yours. It's just so tough to down to faith. Many moments when that love for the children, and I know that's good, you know, and to trust in God's will. And I just want to really deepen in that faith, Father. It's very tough for me. It's very tough sometimes. And I do turn to God and say, but it's very tough, tough. It's very scary.

But our children, biological children also, and the satsang kids of course, and in every way, are there to help us deepen in this. Are also there to help us deepen in this.

Yeah, I feel like Shaurya was born just to squeeze all my pride out. In maybe not just, but yeah, one of the main roles. Like he's born for a certain purpose: 'I'm going to squeeze all this out of you.' It's very hard.

That's true. But in those moments you forget that, you know? Of course, that's why it's hard. That's why it's hard. If you always remembered, it would not be hard. Same, every... actually every relationship. Every relationship. But there's something about being a parent, Father, that I don't feel it is with the wife. It's like, it's like, I don't know what, it's not the same with the wife, you know? With the husband or with the wife. I mean, like the husband relationship is not the same as... question actually, solve it on my own. You telling me to drop it, that was also exactly... some this was more to drop it.

That's a good contemplation actually. Why is it effort to drop the thought? Because we feel that our nonsense knowledge is our oxygen. We believe that our conceptual knowledge is it, which doesn't stand up to any real capacity for anything. It gives us the idea of being able to decipher this world, translate this realm, have some mastery over this way. It doesn't do any of that. There are more colors in this room than all of humanity has deciphered that we have names for. So we have this uncomfortable sort of wobbliness when we are not able to determine for ourselves that this is what is happening. Because without that, we don't know the next step. 'What should I do now?' You see?

So all of this has become this sort of web of conceptual narrative where we get completely caught up. That's why we don't want to leave. 'What if it is something valuable? What if now, after ten million thoughts in my life, this one thought will give me the meaning of my life? This one will really...' A fallacy. We are all hoping somewhere that finally, finally I will be able to make sense of everything and then I'll be the king of the jungle, you know, like that. It's not. Our heads are too small. Can we accept that? Tiny. To capture the intelligence of God even for one instant in our heads is just sheer human prayer.

I'm going to tell you something nice, maybe a digression, but have you noticed that how the mind wants to give you a theme to steal your day, in the same way Grace gives you a theme to make your day? Have you noticed? Like the right... some book will show up, some video will show up, something. Like both these forces are at work every day and you get to pick. Like somehow, I don't know how I came to this today, that maybe Ram will remember, many years back we were doing this Vedanta project. I don't know how, Maya may have been there, was there of course, she was almost going to work on it actually. I remember that, yeah, you deeply participating, exactly, exactly. So yeah, bringing back some memories of that time.

But so in that time, you remember that he had ordered these books by Swami Shivananda Saraswati and also by Ramdas from... so in from where did we get them? Did we get from the... we call them exactly, exactly. So we got them. So just in this project I've been working on, the spiritual advisor thing, I wanted to upload some of the books. So I opened one of his books by Sri who was... either I don't know if you remember, but either Maharaj's guru-bhai or he was Siddheshwar Maharaj's guru-bhai. He was one of their gurus. And I remember being so touched by his work, but I just got this book because I wanted to upload it into the system.

From where did we get them? Did we get them from the—we call them exactly, exactly. So we got done. So just in this project I've been working on, the spiritual advisor thing, I wanted to upload some of the books. So I opened one of his books by Shri who was—either I don't know if you remember, but either Maharaj's Guru Bhai or he was Siddharameshwar Maharaj's Guru Bhai. He was one of their gurus, and I remember being so touched by his work. But I just got this book because I wanted to upload it into the system. But I just started reading it, and it's so beautiful. Most of the day went in—just the body was unwell, so I took time off from work—and just so beautiful what he shared and what just so nice. And I realized that the way that the mind wants to steal your time, Grace, God's grace, God's spirit also wants to bless your time. It is very, very beautiful in that way because he is talking about Gandhi Ji and comparing with St. John of the Cross and, you know, doing all of these beautiful passages.

And when we first read, you know, not so in touch with Christian mysticism or Christianity at all, we didn't know what it's about. But to see that he was already telling us all of this in that time, some 70-80 years back. Yeah, I was just reading from the book itself. I uploaded—it compares all the—yeah, so I was putting it in the app, some of the passages. So it is giving me others on the same theme. Very beautiful how the experience—and he just demystified all of this mysticism. He demystified it and said—can I read a bit of that? He starts off very beautifully and he's Guru Bhai or Guru Uncle of Maharaj, but very different in the sense that he's highly educated. He was a professor at Pune University, one of the famous ones, and he taught philosophy there. And he was also—and he was—and he was Guruji to many of them as well.

So, 'mysticism involves a direct, immediate, firsthand, intuitive apprehension of God.' That's how he starts. Direct, immediate, firsthand, intuitive apprehension of God. So beautiful. 'When mysticism is understood in this sense, there is no reason why it should be taken to signify any occult or mysterious phenomena as is occasionally done. It is an irony of fate that a word which deserves to signify the highest attitude of which man is capable, namely a restful and loving contemplation of God, should be taken to signify things which are incomparably low in the scale of being.' You see what he said? So oftentimes when we hear the term mysticism, we think of some esoteric, occult-type things. He's saying that this is the highest. So he's also telling us what is the highest attitude, which is the restful and loving contemplation of God. So beautifully put. Which should be taken to signify things which are incomparably low in the scale of being. So to compare it with occult practices or esoteric things or other things which he's telling us are much lower, you see? Which is important because many times we just feel like, what's the big deal in this? We're just learning how to be with God, you see? Where is the fancy stuff? Where are the fireworks? You see, it can feel like that. But he's clearly saying that a restful and loving contemplation of God—so loving contemplation, so Bhakti and Jnana together.

'Mysticism implies the silent enjoyment of God.' Very beautiful. Silent enjoyment of God. 'It is in this sense that mystical experience has often been regarded as ineffable.' Cannot be spoken. 'It is not without reason that Plato in his seventh episode, which is now regarded as his own genuine composition, says: There is no writing of mine on this subject, nor ever shall be. It is not capable of expression like other branches of study.' So he did not write about it. And remember, Plato is the one—like Socrates felt like truth cannot be written. Truth about anything, even worldly truth, cannot be written about. So he just spoke, and he felt like speaking can transfer so much. And when it becomes writing, then it loses most of its richness; it loses most of its value.

So he never—so Socrates, when they were at a time when writing was a new form, it was not—to find people who could read was very rare. And isn't it true that like if these just become words, it loses a lot of the tone, the essence, and things like that? He felt that knowledge anyway is such a slippery thing—like true knowledge or truth anyway is such a slippery thing. And then his way was to have these dialogues, to do the inquiry, to bring people to the 'I don't know' really, you know? So he would just catch people on the street and they would say—and say, 'What are you doing? Where are you wearing your teeth?' He was just wandering the streets. So it was said that he was the wisest one because at least he knows that he doesn't know. That's why he was called the wisest one who ever lived.

So he would just talk to people and say, 'What do you feel about this?' Then they would feel like—they would say, 'Oh, it is justice that is happening like this.' Then they would say, 'Okay, then how do you know this is justice? If it happened to your family and this was a circumstance, would you still call it justice?' You know? So he would bring people from the hardness of their position to a softer 'I don't know' type place. And great—and his books, of course, are beautiful. So then what happened is Plato was his disciple. So he said, 'I'm not going to waste this great knowledge that my master shared; I'm going to write it down.' So he wrote down most of it. So he was definitely a believer—more a believer in the power of writing and capturing the essence of the messaging in words. But in spite of that, he's the one who said, 'This topic I cannot write about,' you see? Which is: 'There is no writing of mine on this subject, nor ever shall be. It is not capable of expression like other branches of study. If I thought that these things could be adequately written down and stated to the world, what finer occupation could I have had in life than to write what would be of great service to mankind?'

So he says that ineffable—let's call it occurrence—that happens in the restful being with God, it is so ineffable that if there was any way that I could write it, I would, because there would be no greater service to humanity. But what can we do? We can't say anything about it; we can't write about it. So all the attempt is only to how to knock, how to turn. But what happens upon the turning, we cannot say. So beautiful. Is it just me or is it—okay, tough audience, what to do? 'The ineffable character of mystical experience is closely linked with its intuitional character.' So that which is beyond words, conceptual understanding, and perceptual knowledge is intuition. And because it is intuitional in nature, it makes it ineffable. That's why you're not able to explain to your families what happened in Satsang. You're not able to say what did you really learn, because it's ineffable nature. It is Grace which is operating. So the discipleship of the Atma is mostly done in silence.

'It has been very often supposed that for mystical experience no separate faculty like intuition needs to be requisitioned, but that intellect, feeling, and will might suffice to enable us to have the full experience of God.' So many people feel—maybe it is just a question of language—but many, many in the West especially have felt like intellect, feeling, and will are the three components. There's no such thing as intuition. But he's clarifying that only in the light of intuition do we come to the deepening of the ability to rest lovingly in God's presence. Okay, let me skip a bit. He is explaining why intuition is so important. And there's a book also, another academic-sounding book, Swami Satchidanandendra Saraswati's book, where—what is it called? Intuitive and—it's a very beautiful book. It would irritate us so much. Yeah, I would want to read it out and the reaction would be much worse than even today. The name was—you even told us—whoever can pronounce that. In light, I'll find it after reading.

But he's saying the same thing. He's saying the same thing. Many, many copies. What happens is many people take those books because they feel like these are tiny booklets, so we'll be able to handle them. But they start reading them and they're so academic-sounding that they must be just keeping them somewhere in some corner of the house. But maybe by Grace one day they will see that beyond all those big words, there's very simple pointing happening there. Okay, now I'm scared to read a little more. Patient? Let's test that. Then after—really, I was feeling like, 'Wow,' but I didn't read this part. I went past the—I said 30 pages of—and I went—the person—I've just been reading the preface. I've not even got to that point.

So he says, 'We may venture to suggest to the Dean'—which is one who's saying there's no intuition or anything like that—'that unless the emotions are purified and are turned towards the service of God, no seeing of Him face to face of which he speaks so enthusiastically is ever possible. Thus it seems that intelligence, will, and feeling are all necessary in the case of the mystical endeavor, but only intuition must be there to back them all.' See? So it's our whole being, Antahkarana—our whole Antahkarana must be in service of God, in love with God, for us to be standing face to face with Him. But when you read these words, just like a phrase like that, 'seeing the seeing of Him face to face,' and he's telling us that that seeing is going to be intuitive. That seeing is going to be intuitive.

'It is this combined character of mystical experience, namely its ineffable and intuitive character, which has served to make all God-aspiring humanity a common and hidden society.' I love the way he speaks because whatever culture we may be in, whatever religion we may be in, these aspects are common. So he's saying that all the ones who want to just rest in this loving of God are part of this small, tiny group which is hidden. It's like a hidden society almost, the laws of which are known to themselves, if at all. The laws of which are known only to themselves because if you tell the world—this book is called 'Mysticism in Maharashtra' by—huh? The same one, the same one. This is part of a series called 'Indian Mysticism,' and this specific one is 'Mysticism in Maharashtra' about Jnaneshwar, Tukaram—all this is the one I'm reading from.

The book that looking at constructive philosophy?

Yeah, that was—so once I read—so once I bought that book and I was reading it, and then one child was having a tantrum with me. So she started shouting in Satsang saying, 'This is so off-topic, and why are you going so off-topic?' Don't you remember? I don't want to take names, but she had quite a reaction to that because what is happening is that this child was going through something and another child was just like listening intently and understanding. So she was getting so upset, you know? So the competitive things were playing out. Still looking for it? 'A Constructive Survey of Upanishadic Philosophy.' Yeah, that's another book also, amazing. That's beautiful.

The key thing about that book is that when in India we were concluding—like in the Vedas when that aspect was being written—that everything comes from Agni, like fire, you see? Fire is the main arc, the main source of all of these things. Then there was a movement in Greece also at the same time that was saying fire is the source. When we were saying water is the source of everything, there was a movement in Greece also which was saying water is the source. So it was like the same insights were coming across, and travel in those days was next to impossible from this part to that part. So he's written a whole book into how at the same timeline these discoveries were being made and these insights were being had in two very different parts of the world. So mostly it's a comparison of Greek philosophy and the—so I remember reading it.

In that he says that Karma you can't find—

Yeah, the—like the—okay, you really don't want to hear this? No, that's why all—it's okay, okay.

The same insights were coming across, and travel in those days was next to impossible from this part to that part. So he's written a whole book into how, at the same timeline, these discoveries were being made and these insights were being had in two very different parts of the world. So mostly it's a comparison of Greek philosophy. I remember reading it.

In say that Karma, you can't find... yeah, the... like the... okay, you really don't want to hear this, no? That's why... all... it's okay, okay. So I sent it on the WhatsApp group and most of you are there. It's called 'S Events', the S Events group. We can send on the main group. Not that any of you... you read it, you like this stuff. 'Deliberation of the Ultimate Reality culminating in intuitive experience', that is one. That is one, very nice, yeah. And there's another one which is as that empirical... like comparing the intuitive light compared to empirical... same, she's taking the same. This one is also by him. This was before... this was there, the first round of kaga nobody, which was around this time, and then the second round was along with the chosen. So when it came along with the chosen, then it really hit us. COVID came during this time, yeah. I tried reading also and then I remember another child threw it from me. No, no, I also... I'm sure you did. But so she said that one day you say like that, now saying... so you're saying like this is it, this or that? What is found, the name? Does he... his photo, mostly black and white though. SRA, this is Swami... Swami Sand.

In Russian Orthodoxy, they have this beautiful idea also. Actually, may have told me about this, where there's this notion of letting go of self-image, so then you become like a fool for God. So in the movie, was that Andrei Rublev by Tarkovsky? There's this scene where this man who is considered to be a sage is... no, this lady, she's actually a sage but everybody considers her to be mad. And she's playing that role of being mad because she doesn't want the image of being a sage. So that's her sadhana, to be considered foolish and mad by everyone. That's the sadhana she's doing. It's quite something. In a way, it reminded me of the... I don't know, from just the narratives, I'm saying... T is a lady in Bengal who just wanders the streets and now has got some following and like that. So she has no home, she left her home for God. People just help her with food, which is like... what do you call them? Renunciates.

If we put a YouTube or YouTube we can watch, but Netflix, can we share on Zoom or it blacks out? The new coming movie which is really very, very beautiful. I can't pronounce it, you know the one with them... how do you pronounce? Well, it poses like a family drama, but how do you see? Let me try. There, the part is difficult, but maybe it's very beautiful, really. Simplicity of how to lead your life just in love, with love, and not... it wasn't about a romantic love, it was about a bond between friends. But it captured a lot of messages in very simple ways, so very beautiful. So maybe one day we can just gather, and they want to gather on Zoom also, you can. It has my thumb is so should become like that now, no?

We should watch some Tarkovsky. The beautiful director who died very young, but he would make these deeply spiritual movies where he would try to convey spirituality not in the dialogue but in the overall sense that you would get. So, no, no, the Russian, but very little dialogue, and dialogue is not the main part of it. The way he assembles there, you see, he's trying to get you to have a spiritual insight through the medium of film. It's like art. So very, very beautiful director, and died very young, maybe early, late 30s or early 40s.

Put contemplated in... kind of something happen like there's a... there's a kind of movie which is just trying to be like inconclusive, and some of those are fun also. But when it's true art, it's just like leaves you affected, but you don't know why you're affected. You can't really say like what happened. So Stalker or something?

Stalker. Stalker is his most famous one. So basically you love the reading, so should I just continue that or... so poker-faced. So you want me to read more and more? Okay. After the stories of last time, I feel like this time you like him also because actually, in one page, what he has said could take me many satsangs to say. Very, very good.

One of the reasons... you told... I'm just reading... so you told that we are blaming God when we don't take the responsibility of our own life. Can you please talk more about that? I do that and I want to get out of this circle. What is surrendering to God then if we take responsibility?

Like for those who are in satsang, it is a very, very important responsibility to stay with God's presence, to follow only His will, to remain in His light. And we find reasons, we find justification, rational intellectual constructs, even spirituality, to try and step away from that responsibility. And we get into... I started satsang talking about the absence of ease. The disease is the absence of ease, which we only experience when we are distant from God. So our responsibility is very difficult. It's very hard. This path is very, very hard, but we have to work at it completely. And then to lose control over ourselves to the point of anger, to an extent where we are being so extremely disrespectful to the path, to the teacher, almost almost wanting to project in such a strong manner, I don't feel like it is fulfilling our responsibilities. I don't feel like God has made any of us in that position where we can become ungrateful to God for... so all the teachings are there, all the pointers are there, all the medicine has been given, everything is supporting and available. But when we behave in this irresponsible way, that we lose all in our anger, in our pride, in our justified tantrum, we lose all semblance of decency, then I don't feel like we must encourage that, or that sense of entitlement, that sense of lashing out against the Atma itself.

This much responsibility I feel like we can take. See, this much responsibility I feel like it's very important for us to take, that we can't just say, 'Oh, I was going through something, so then I said this about the teacher and his Guru and about, in a way, about God Himself.' At what point does it become feeding that, and at what point does it become compassion and kindness and love? So I feel it's very important to use these times as wake-up calls and see that because the situation is a certain way, if you can come to these extents, then is there really no responsibility for us? And is the expectation of kindness, compassion, forgiveness just then an entitlement which allows us to have all the excuses for any attack on anything that is reverential in our lives? So it's worth contemplating these things, and I'm not saying that I have the answers for these, but I feel like the questions are important and we can't just brush them under the carpet.

So the question of our responsibility versus God's grace and how they have to collaborate together has been the message of today's satsang. And it'll be good if you can hear it without having to individually call upon people and say, 'Okay, now what was your question?' Okay, I'm saying don't. So all of you, and my feeling and my blessing and my hope is that in this closeness with God, all of you will lead the lives of saints. And some of you have been here long enough to at least start to imbibe some of that patience, some of that courage, some of that ability to withstand the temptation of Maya, that we don't start attacking God in these very hurtful ways. If so many years of satsang hasn't even led to that much, then really we have to wonder what are we really up to? What is really happening? Is this all just a joke, a sham, that we come to satsang to feel better about ourselves and then life pinches us and we end up becoming so blatant in our lack of compassion and kindness? So let's all contemplate. I'm not saying that I have the right answers for all of this also. This is not a new view, an angle. Just because the body is tired, I'm using the couch. I'll be back to the ground soon. Thank you, thank you.