Mind Is The Lowest Of AddicHons

Very good to spot that, let me say somethings about this part specially because this maybe at the root of it. When we say that nothing is enough for us, or nothing is enough for me, basically what is happening is that, our mind has got us by the throat and it is saying that ‘You as you are, are not enough.’ So it's not really about what you have, in the sense, in the world when we talk about it and say, ‘Okay I have this relationship, I have this money, I have a healthy body, I am spiritual, all these should be enough for me because these things are there’ But actually the mind is just an attack on our own Being. And it's constant message is that - your Being is not enough, you yourself are not enough for yourself you need something - like there is a sense of lack which it creates, which you feel like you need to fill up with something. I am actually very encouraged to hear that this kind of things only happens once in 2-3 weeks, of course it is very painful for those who are around you. I am encouraged to already to hear that actually you are sober for 3 weeks, so it means it's not an addiction of sorts. But what is happening is that the mind gets you from time to time and convinces you of your lack ‘like you are not enough’ and you feel like you need to fill it up with something. You can fill up with this kind of substance which may seem to give you a sense of momentary or provisional completeness which may last a moment or two but then I am sure you also see the impact of it not being graceful or helpful in any way. I want to tell you that the most, most strong addiction (no matter what we say) is an addiction to our thoughts, is an addiction to our mind. And there have been many cases of people who have had these problems with drugs, alcohol or other substances, who have come to Satsang and they have got rid of the addiction to their head, let gone of the addiction to their thoughts and with that the other addictions have also fallen away. So this is what I want to introduce you to - that actually it is the mind which is the highest addiction or the lowest addiction in the human condition and that is the one that gets us. And without that one… in your case especially because it doesn't seem to be like a physical addiction, it seems to be after something is swallowed from the mind that you get into that kind of phase that these things happen. So you started by saying am not disciplined, I don't meditate, but when you do, when you notice that you do meditate, are things better? Do you not feel the urge to drink so much then?

Yes, I am the king of instant, I love instant stuff. Even I don't have long attention span, I was the most undisciplined spiritual seeker. Your report sounded much like mine would have sounded, where no meditation consistently, jumping from practice to practice, trying different things. Not being, by any standards, a good spiritual seeker is not something that I was but what I discovered is that taking myself to be, actually doesn't exist. You will also come to that point where this one which says, I am like this, I am like that, I don't like this, I need this and all of that - who are you talking about? Are you talking about the body?

Who is this ‘me’ that everything is part of? Who is this me? What does it look like?

Who suffers from the loneliness? Who is that one?

It's okay, you are doing very well because I see that there's at least a little openness towards these questions, initially otherwise it can feel like kya bakwaas hain, mujhe nahi karna (you know this kind of stuff) so at least that's not happening. So this itself is a very good start, as long as that sliver of openness is there the room for Self discovery is very, very, large, it's very much a possibility. But if you are convinced and not willing to look at all then I may have offered you a mantra or something like that because at least to keep something stable. So what we are saying is that, it seems like there is some room for this exploration and let's see how it goes, let's see where we can go from here. So, you say that ‘I suffer from this loneliness’, without denying the loneliness, the feeling may appear, any feeling of constriction may appear...but who is the one that suffers from this? Can you produce that one?

Okay, what is your experience of that one? Where is that one?

Yes so what you are basically saying is that (like a child says) - that if there is no monster in the cupboard then why am I feeling scared? Because there is a sense of fear, there is a block-ness; therefore there must be me. Are we willing to live with that presumed me? Just a presumed monster in the cupboard because there are these by-products, circumstantial evidences; there is fear, there is anger, there is loneliness, there's guilt, all of these things are there, therefore there must be a ‘me.’ What if we try to meet the ‘me’ directly without these by-products? Who is at the centre of all of this? It is not the body because the body is not missing the relationship, the body is just sitting, the body is just here, it is comfortable on a chair. The body is not saying ‘I am this way, I am that way, I'm good, I’m bad’ the body is just a bundle of flesh and all these attributes of good, bad, struggling, happy, all of these belong to whom?

Yes, very good, very good. I want to ask you something about that - the one that sees, the one that is seeing, does that have any problem?

I don't know is good. I don't know is good and it is worth exploring and I can tell you that it does not have any problem. It's your Beingness itself which is perceiving and your Being by itself that never has a problem. It is the made up entity called ego, the one identified with the protagonist of the story which seems to have all of these but that one (the good news is) doesn't exist. Now the mind does not like hearing that because mind has built up all the constructs on the basis of the existence of that one and now suddenly you come to Satsang and this guy is telling you ‘Oh, that one doesn't exist’, the mind will hate that and want to attack me with all it’s might, if not now then later but that's how it is. You cannot find the one who is lonely, you can find the one that is perceiving, you see… but you don't find even either one as an entity of sorts. Now this one that is perceiving...can that be perceived? Can the perceiver be perceived?