Who Is Inquiring? Is there One or Two? - 28th July 2016

I haven't yet said the ego does the inquiry. We are only saying: what are the options? So, one could be the ego. What else? Who else could be doing it? You feel like there is something else, but you're not able to define that. Is that the problem? Or you feel like only the ego is there? Ego is there, only the ego. Okay, okay. Where is the ego? The screen just keeps switching today. Something different. Only the ego is there, but where is it? Which one is the ego? What is the existence of the ego? What is the proof of the ego? Evidence of the ego?

Thoughts. Thoughts are there.

Okay, so thoughts are the ego. What is a thought? Okay, ego is a thought. And then, so there is no ego in the space between thoughts? Do you also vanish when there is no thought? Do you also vanish along with that?

No.

You see? Then there must be something other than the ego.

A lot of confusion, Father.

Yes, it is very good. The purpose of this inquiry session is to get rid of all of this confusion. And what you will find is that all our concepts, all our ideas, are being asked to be thrown away, you see? So, we must be completely open to being free from all the ideas that we might be holding on to. So, we made a good start. So, you said, 'Who does the inquiry?' A very good question. But you presumed my answer is going to be, 'Oh, the ego is the one that does it.' Then I said, 'Okay, let's define the options.' And then you said, 'Oh, but if the ego does it, then who gets to the understanding? The ego only.' But I didn't say the ego does the inquiry. We just stopped to say what the options are. Let's find them first. Not the ego. So, then I say, 'Okay, if there's only the ego, where is it? What is it?' And you said it is a thought, you see? So, then we said, 'What about when the thought is not there? Do you go along with the thought?' You said, 'No.' Therefore, there must be something to you which is not a thought, isn't it? What is that? And our understanding, which is intellectual, will not help us. We just have to check. So, what I am inviting you to do is to see: thought comes, thought goes. What happens in this space between two thoughts? Who is still here? The 'I' that still is here is which one? So, what it means is you continue to exist irrespective of the thought, isn't it? Yes or no?

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay. This existence of existence is this sense that 'I am.' And if it's confusing, don't worry about it. Then the thought comes and goes, and in this space between two thoughts, what is it that still continues to exist? And don't worry about a right answer or a wrong answer. Whatever you feel is coming from a place of integrity, you just say that. 'I am.' So, do you say, 'I don't go along with my thoughts; I am still here'? So, this which remains is what?

Awareness.

This is awareness. That is a quick inquiry. Okay, so this is awareness. Ah, how did you find this awareness? What does it look like? I say, if you said, 'Well, the body is still,' you see, now I would say: so that which is aware of the body, what is that? Or if you said, 'But the sense that I exist is still here,' I would say: that which is aware of even this sense of existence, what is that? Now, you said something which got straight to the point. You said, 'Awareness.' This is very good. Now, is this an answer which you are giving just because you feel it will be the right answer, or is this your real answer?

Yeah, that's the real answer. That's how it makes sense.

Okay, okay. So, you say when this remains... now, I see. How do you know this was ever awareness? This is always there?

Always here.

Okay. What does it look like?

It's just awareness.

Just awareness. What does it mean, 'just awareness'? If I say that in my garden, a rose is always there, you see, then we go and see, 'Oh yeah, the rose is always there.' We confirm the presence of the roses because we see them. Now, how do you confirm the presence of awareness? And don't give this to the mind, because it will throw a big tantrum. Just simply, like children, we are looking at this simple question. We are able to say, 'Oh, awareness,' and yet, do we see awareness? Do we perceive it in some way? For everything else, we can see the phenomenal presence of that to confirm it is, isn't it? But what about this awareness? Isn't it amazing, actually, that we are able to confirm this awareness without it being a phenomenal experience? Or is it something phenomenal that we are confirming? Is this awareness an object, a thing?

No.

Is it... is this awareness like a black space?

It just is.

She knew where this was going, so 'it just is.' Okay, yeah. Now, somebody asked me during the retreat the last two days, they said, 'Why do you say the question "Who is aware of this awareness?" is very important? Isn't it enough to say awareness is here?' I feel it's a very good question, and the answer is that it is very important because the mind makes an experience out of awareness itself and it says, 'Oh yay, awareness is where it is aware; it is like this; nothing happens to it,' you see? And there becomes a disassociation between the real 'I' and awareness. Therefore, when we ask this question, 'Who is aware even of this awareness?' it brings us straight to the point: that 'I' is awareness itself. So, this awareness that you're reporting, who is aware of it? Is it a thought? Is it an idea of separation? Is it the body? Who is aware of this awareness?

Awareness itself.

Awareness itself. And how did awareness report this to you? What is the communication medium between awareness and you? Is the mind sitting somewhere separate from you to come and tell you that, 'Oh, it is me, awareness, that is aware of itself'? It's yours all the time?

Yes.

And who you are. So, one thing we've established: awareness is here all the time. Now, you said something which is here, but I know you said 'I' is coming and going. 'I' is coming and going. Okay, if 'I' is coming and going, who is aware of the coming and going of this 'I'? That which is not moving must be aware of that which is coming and going, isn't it? So, this which is aware that what you call 'I' is coming and going, that is not you? Is it not you? So, between the 'I' which is coming and going and the awareness that is aware of it, which one are you?

Father, I don't know.

No, no. Don't give up now. We were in a very good place, you see? That this awareness is constantly here, and yet the 'I' seems to be coming and going. But you know the coming and going of this; therefore, there must be an 'I' which is prior to this coming and going. An 'I' which is aware of the comings and goings of all other senses of identity, isn't it? Yeah. So, you said awareness is not going anywhere. You must be here to confirm this. Only that which itself is not going anywhere can confirm that something else is not going anywhere, isn't it? You were with me? No? The words are getting too confusing?

No.

Okay, yeah. It cannot be that something which is coming and going can confirm the existence of something which always is. Only that which always is can confirm the existence of something which always is, you see? A visitor to my house will not tell me that somebody is always sitting in my house. That one should always be here to confirm that this is always here, isn't it? So, that which confirms awareness is not coming and going, is always here, is which one? Is it not you? Is it somebody who told you this?

I'm confused between the two, actually.

Okay, which are these two now?

Awareness and the one which keeps coming and going.

Ah, now the one that keeps coming and going, which one is that one? What does it feel like? What does it appear like? How does it come? How does it go? Can this 'I' go now and show me how it goes? If it is 'I,' then can you go and show me? How does it go? You cannot leave yourself, you see? So, this coming and going 'I' is which one? Do you mean that which goes to sleep and wakes up? Is that it? Now, which is the 'I' which is coming and going? Is it the 'I' which is just an idea where we started? Thoughts coming and going, the emotion coming and going, body changing, coming and going, outside appearances coming and going, even the sense of 'I am' coming and going. So, which is the 'I' in all of that? Or is it something else which is coming and going?

I'm stuck, Father.

Even logically, it must be seen now that 'I' must be the one that is being able to report that even the sense of existence comes and goes, you see? I wake up, I go to sleep. The one that is aware of all of this is neither sleeping nor waking, you see? So, all that is coming and going is an appearance, is subject to what is called Maya. The coming and going of appearances is all a play of Maya. That which cannot come and go... you say awareness does not come and go. For you to be able to report that awareness does not come and go, you must be the same as this awareness. Because if that one which is reporting awareness does not come and go itself comes and goes, then how can it ever confirm that awareness does not come and go? So, see if you can separate yourself from this awareness. Keep awareness separate from you and show me. No, it can't be separated. Can't be separated. So, if that which cannot be separated from you is unchanging, just like you, there is no distance between you and awareness. There is nowhere where awareness is but you are not, and nowhere you are but awareness is not. Then what are you finding yourself to be? An endless awareness itself. Now, without presuming that you are something other than this awareness, can you have any trouble? We are seeing yourself to be this awareness. Now, to pretend to be the one that has trouble and suffering and problems, don't you have to now work and believe some thoughts, pick up some identity to do that?

Yeah, yeah.

Is it so? Naturally, effortlessly, you are this awareness. To be the one that has suffering is effort.

Am I always the other way around? That is the way of the world.

You see, it's an upside-down world because the habit has become so strong for us to pretend and to presume as if we are people. That's why it seems like this inquiry is effort, but being a person is effortless; that's what it feels like. But as you come into the inquiry, you see that this awareness is effortless. I am not trying to be aware. I am not increasing or decreasing awareness. Awareness just is. I cannot turn it off and I cannot make it brighter. It just is. It is not coming and going. These are all your words, actually. So, that which just is, is effortless. Because our habit is to pretend, to presume ourselves to be a person, that's why that seems like it is effortless. And yet, all of us are tired, isn't it? We say being a person is effortless. Now, actually, being a person is not effortless, yet everybody's tired. That cannot be effortless. It is actually full of effort. And as we are coming to the natural state of effortlessness, of simplicity, of innocence, this effort is being dropped, you see? Then will come a point where you would say, 'The body feels tired; I am even running out of attention,' but you cannot say that I really...

That's why that seems like it is effortless and yet all of us are tired, isn't it? Hey, we say, he said being a person is effortless. Now, actually, being a person is not effortless, yet everybody's tired. That cannot be effortless. It is actually full of effort. And as we are coming to the natural state of effortlessness, of simplicity, of innocence, this effort is being dropped, you see? Then will come a point where you would say the body feels tired, I am even running out of attention, but you cannot say that I, what I truly am, is tired, you see? Because it is effortless to be aware. It is what I am even before I am. Hey, otherwise what would happen? If it was true that to be awareness is effortful and to be the person is effortless, then every time you would meet a sage, they would be the most effortful, tired people around you. They would say, 'Don't disturb me, I'm trying to be awareness. Don't talk to me, I'm trying to be aligned.' You see, they would be so tired, isn't it? Hmm.

So if the effort was in trying to be awareness, then they would be the most tired. And just being awareness, that is the mind's version of freedom—that you must always be in that state of attention fixed on awareness or something like that. That is not what we are talking about. We are saying: what is it that you effortlessly are? If you forget about everything, if you stop understanding what your thoughts are saying, will you be unaware? No. But if you didn't understand a single thought, can you be a person? So it must take effort to pretend to be a person, but not effort to be the Self. See, now what happens is that initially, because we are addicted to consuming our thoughts, it can seem like we take some effort to stop consuming all of these thoughts. And if it is feeling like effort, my suggestion always is to make that effort, see? Because if coming to effortlessness feels like effort, then we must make that effort. Actually, it is the dropping of effort which the mind is saying actually is very effortful. Actually, it is coming to the dropping of all sense of effort.

Okay, so now we did the inquiry together and you saw that awareness is here and I am this awareness now. So if you did the inquiry, then now you must answer the question: who did the inquiry and whose understanding is it? Does this belong to a thought? Does it belong to an imagined entity? How can something which doesn't exist, something that we cannot find, how can that non-existent one do something? It cannot, isn't it? Okay, just imagine. Imagine some, any idea of a person. Imagine it in your head. Give him or her some attributes. Imagine, put all your imagination into it. Now ask this one to give you a glass of water. Can he or she do it? Can you say, 'Ananta, what kind of question is that? If I just imagine, how can they do something?' Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That if the ego cannot be found, if it is just imagined, how can it do something?

Therefore, then who is the doer? The doer is that which my Master calls the dynamic aspect of the Self, the dynamic aspect of this awareness, which is consciousness itself. Therefore, it is one awareness exhibiting itself qualitatively as if it is consciousness or presence. This is the Shiva and Parvati. The attributeless Shiva, the pure consciousness, the sense 'I am' which is represented in other cultures like Far Eastern cultures as the Yin and Yang. The manifest and the unmanifest together in this constant play, you see? So the Yin and Yang are one, isn't it? Exhibiting themselves as Yin and Yang, but it is one circle, one whole, you see? The doer also, the doer ultimately is also awareness. It is awareness exhibiting itself to be this dynamic form that which we call consciousness. All which is phenomenal, all which is appearing, is a way of consciousness on the screen of consciousness itself. You see, why do we say this? Because all of this happens when the light of 'I am' is there. Without the sense that 'I am' there, there is never the experience of the world, you see? Have you experienced the world without you being there? Now, any confusion?

Father, a bit of confusion still there. Still, I can't say whether it's the ego who understands the inquiry or is it the Self.

What? Now, this ego—for the ego to understand something, it must exist, isn't it? A non-existent one cannot do something. Non-existent cannot hear or know, just like this one you imagined. You cannot, okay? So is the ego existing right now? Can you show me? Has anyone found the existence of this ego? If you cannot even find the one that we call the ego, because it's just a presumed idea, it has no existence, you see? Then how can that one understand something if it is not even here? If you cannot even find it, then how can it be you? It's just an idea of you, isn't it? So an idea of you cannot do anything and cannot understand anything. It's just an idea. Okay, let's tell me one of your favorite ideas, like what? Any favorite idea which you keep, you keep believing often.

'I am bliss.' 'I am bliss' is your favorite idea.

Okay, now ask bliss to do the inquiry. Hmm? So just tell like that. Just in the same way, 'I am Karachi' is a favorite idea. Yay. Now this idea cannot do anything. This Karachi is just an idea, you see? It's an idea, isn't it?

Yes, yes.

So now, how can it be that an idea could do something? You...