Who is Holding the Leash of Attention? - A Subtle Exploration

That's fine. Now, what about this vibration without the mind's conclusion that it is the body? Can you perceive it as the body? I realized that was complicated. There's a vibration, the core of which is being experienced in the head area. Without interpreting it from the mind as the body, what do you see that confirms to you it is the body's vibration?

A thought. That is the mind. If I keep that aside, I don't know. It's just something happening. The sense of the body is like expanding.

Very good. So let's go deeper now. This vibration—does it feel independent, or is it part of something larger?

It feels like whatever this vibration is, it's very large. Endless. And yet the vibration seems to be perceived in the head area.

Although we can localize the tasting of that vibration in the heart or the head, wherever it happens is fine. And yet, when asked what is its boundary, all of us say 'everywhere.' For this confirmation of everywhereness, we cannot use our attention because attention is limited. This everywhereness is the presence of God itself, the Being of God itself. Now, ready to go to the next one? That which is aware of even this everywhereness—is it beyond this everywhereness? Who is it that is aware of this everywhereness? Is it you or somebody else? This 'you' is not the 'you' that we usually refer to. It is a different 'you,' isn't it?

I don't know. At the moment, it feels like it got smaller. This energetic field contracted and became more like a body, like sensations. It's so strange. It's not the first time it happens like that.

What is happening is that you're coming to true insight, but the mind gets threatened and represents a certain set of visualizations to you. What you are recognizing in the everywhereness was not a visual, can you confirm that? And yet, what you're calling contraction is just visuals appearing in front of you. But that everywhereness doesn't go away, no matter what visual comes. All feelings, all thoughts, every perception is included at this point in visualization. We are to remain with that which is beyond any image, which was the everywhereness. The recognition of the everywhereness of this vibration, the feeling of endlessness—is it a feeling or is it insight? The difference is not clear.

A feeling of endlessness would be like, 'Oh, there's a feeling which is spreading everywhere.' An insight is beyond perception. It is purely intuitive that this Being from which this vibration emanates is endless, boundless, everywhere. So, are you talking about a feeling which is perceivable with some quality of feelingness, or is it pure intuitive insight?

Can it be both?

Usually, what happens is that while you are having the insight, the mind behaves like a younger sibling who wants to come to the party. It also starts dancing and producing some visuals to say, 'I can give you this also, don't go to your intuition.' But your intuitive insight is independent of whatever else feeling or perception you are having. So, is it endless?

Yes, it's endless. Not a perception, yet it's a confirmation of endlessness.

And that which is aware of this endlessness—tell me whether even endlessness applies to that?

No. Endlessness is too small for it. There are no words. And who was saying five minutes back that they're not understanding anything I'm saying? We just went through the whole thing! The beauty of this is because I'm not presenting a conceptual framework to you; I'm presenting what is intuitive self-knowledge. It is always pointable.

It's gonna really disappoint you right now because everything in me screams 'I'm a person, I'm a person!'

That which you're calling 'everything in me'—besides the thought, what does it have to throw at you? Nothing. You see? Whereas I have shown you such beautiful insight. Can the mind show you endlessness? It can try with its visualizations and lame limitations, but it can't really. So I am not worried, because those who can come to these insights can bind to the mind and throw temporary tantrums, but those who are tasting this reality of their immortality cannot be truly taken away by Maya.

The 'person' is very persistent. It's like a feeling, something small in the space is grabbing my attention.

This is grabbing your attention. Who has grabbed your attention? In the sense that your attention is going to this, but where is attention coming from? Check: what is the source of your attention? Can it be grabbed from that end? It's like a dog on the leash. The dog is on the leash sniffing at all these mind things and perceptions of contractions, but who's holding the dog? Who's holding the leash of attention? One way to define Satsang is that our focus goes away from what the dog is sniffing to who's holding the leash.

I don't know. It feels like I'm not holding it. I suppose I should be holding it, but it doesn't feel like it.

What's on the other end of attention is what I'm asking. I know what's on this end—visuals, perceptions, all of that. The mind will propose that you are also in front of attention, that you are the sensation, the person, the body. But all this is in front of attention. See? Now, what's on the other end?

There is nothing. Then how do I get all of this content? Oh, my brain hurts.

Because you're solving it with your brain. Don't. Just look. Obviously, like we started, just slow it down. Relax. What I'm saying is very simple. All these things are perceived. To perceive, we use our attention. Now, this attention is reporting back to whom? And this 'me' is what? Isn't it the same what you discovered in the first iteration of this exercise five minutes ago? When the mind is trying to trick you and show you things in front of attention, just ask yourself: who's behind attention? Who's prior to attention?

What about us letting it dance?

Yes. Let every perception dance, but you remain empty of what your mind is narrating to you. Empty of the story. Empty of the narratives.

Is it okay not to engage with it? It's almost like a feeling rises that maybe I have to understand, or solve something.

It's not only okay, it is an imperative. You must not engage with it. Solving non-existent problems is the highest way to suffer. You've heard that before. So just let it go. It will scare you; it'll say that you will die without it. Then you have to agree to die without it. It's okay. This is how you will leave Maya behind.