Who Is Aware? - 8th October 2016

It's good. Not a bad fascination to have. And any insight when you ask?

Well, it's so super clear, yeah, that I'm aware of perception. So for me, it's easier to look at it from that perspective. So I can see that in perception or experiencing, the experiencer and the experiencing and the thing which is experienced, or things which are experienced, it's all one. It's not... there's not three things. So that's why it's impossible to find the experiencer. It's like, there's all this experience, where's the experiencer? Well, the experiencer is in... is the experience at the same time. And then to be able to say that I'm aware of it, yeah, is easy. Yeah. And then, so then the question comes which is: 'Okay, so who's aware of awareness?' Yeah. And if I even try and think about it, or even just in a way try and look in the way I'm used to looking, it all goes into meltdown and mind comes in and it's just a nightmare. But something's telling me now it's a lot simpler than that.

It's so much more simpler than that. In order to say 'I am aware,' yes, who else could it be? Exactly, exactly. It is I who is aware, you see. So when we say 'Who is aware of awareness?' it is already clear that it is I, see. So what this question is stopping is it's stopping any kind of mental adventurism—that there is a distinct 'I' and there's a distinct awareness. 'I had the experience of awareness, but my life is still like this,' you see. It is to stop that kind of mental adventurism. But the instant you say 'I am aware,' the 'I' and the 'aware' already are one. This is not wordplay. I hope nobody is confusing this to be wordplay. The minute we say 'I am aware' means what? There is a knowingness of knowingness. There is awareness of awareness. Otherwise, we would not even be able to use the word 'aware,' you see. Nobody taught us to be aware, as I was saying yesterday. It is just innate to us. And it is I that is aware. Who is aware of awareness? I. You know why this question is relevant? Only because many times when we come to a recognition of awareness of the Self, even as awareness, the mind comes and says, 'Yes, yes, you had a wonderful experience of awareness,' you see. And the small, the egoic sense comes back. The mind comes back and says, 'This is how you must always be,' and 'I had it, now I lost it.' It can play these kind of games. But to see that it is one 'I' and awareness is the end of that game.

So there's some kind of belief that's happening, which is that obviously to recognize the presence of being is one thing, and then... and then like Guruji says, and then you know, like the rare one or whatever goes beyond that. And so I feel like almost like, 'Don't try and run before you can walk' kind of thing. So something saying that some belief is there which is saying, 'Well no, you have to be fully saturated in presence before you can make that leap,' because the awareness isn't... it's well, way, way, way beyond the mind. It's left the mind behind long ago. And so when there's a habit there, which there is with me, to pick things up and try and understand them or analyze them, it's very easy for that to happen. And so that question 'Are you aware?'—yes. And then the question 'Who is aware of awareness?'—that one itself was becoming more inviting for the mind than even just the question 'Are you aware?' because that doesn't involve anything and you can't really think about it, to be honest.

Okay, so two things I want to tell you. First, first is: how you know you are not that rare one? So that is the first one. Second is that when the discovery is 'I am that I am,' you see, the discovery of 'I am' is this beingness, you see. It is so satisfying, so beautiful, and yet for some it will automatically happen that this question, this urge, will arise to look: 'Who is aware even of this?' See? So it is not something that must be forced or is forced. Like here, it was automatically this urge to see who is aware even of this sense of being. What is this awareness? So only then will this question take a hold of you, when the urge is for this. Because as we come to the discovery of being, it is the end of suffering. It is the end of this strife. It is beautiful. This world becomes like a happy dream, isn't it? So from that perspective, it can be said that there are some for whom even this question will arise even upon the discovery of God: 'Who is aware even of Consciousness?'

I think I think what I meant is is something that... like if I can see it's just a belief because because that question over and over, the recognition over and over, is what uproots the mind, isn't it? Like whereas maybe I was believing that, uh, yeah, somehow to recognize that you should never again go back into say belief, for example. And so here I can see now that like there's there's nowhere for the mind to go. There's so much attempts to distract or pull attention or something like that, and I'm not really... I'm not suffering that anymore. Like I can see it doesn't really bother me. And even like some stuff's getting belief still, and that's bothering me less now because of that question. I just feel like if I... something wants to hang on to that question...

This 'I' is which one? The instant he said 'I,' he knew he's going to get... so he changed that to 'something,' but it was too late. It's the same doer 'I.' No, the doer 'I' which says, 'Okay, this is what seems best to me now. This is what I'm going to do. I'm just going to stay with this now. I'm just...' This question is helping or not helping? Very so sneaky, you know? Just find some route to enter. It's talking about the most primal things, talking about the creation of the universe, and then this little mosquito comes again. I will do like my daughter—and not to compare her to a mosquito—anytime we have like guests at home and we're just talking about things, you know, she has to make a few points in the middle, you know? 'But no, it was not like that, Ma, it was not like that.' This is something like just like this is the mind. Just parents are talking and this one wants to say, 'But I will do,' isn't it? Literally, it's Consciousness is a parent of the mind, isn't it? So this child wants to participate in grown-up discussion. They're saying, 'Yes, this is what my plan is now.' It's the end of all plans! We're discovering the creation and dissolution of the universe, and the mind comes and says, 'This is what I'm going to do now. I have understood this.' It sneaks in way subtly. Cannot have a strategy right now. This is appealing; next moment you don't know what will be appealing. That is the best: allowing. So while there is still this 'I' which obviously sneak in...

It's gone now. Yeah, but I'm just saying like, see, the question brought it back to life. With the answer, it was gone. Now the question brought it back to life saying, 'Okay, it's still there.' No, no, it's gone. It's true that there's just this reluctance to just be silent, like just to just be that and know that, yeah, and not say, 'But okay, what should I... so should I stay with this question or should I do this or should I do that?'

Exactly. But I don't mind your silence. Even if you come up on the hot seat and you're completely ineloquent and all you're speaking is pure consciousness, I don't mind any of that. This is openness: to have no plan, no strategy even for freedom. Just simple allowing everything. Thoughts coming and going, emotions stay as long as you like, but nothing lasts forever, so even they come and go. This body itself—who knows whether we really wake up having this body tomorrow or not? Nobody knows. Everything coming and going. We enjoy these comings and goings.