What Is It That I Truly Am? - 2nd January 2018

See, this shadow is behind. So if I was to try and pick something for the person, it would be like trying to change something for the shadow. Cannot grasp it. This person, this entity that we believe ourselves to be, it's so elusive. Trying to grasp what this person is, is like trying to say, 'Can you just move the shadow? So bring it in front of me so I can fix it.' It doesn't work that way. Find out if you are this shadowy entity or you are something beyond this. All the clues in Satsang, all that we speak in Satsang, it's for us to come to this greater mission: What is it that I truly am?

Now the mind will use the shadow as a benchmark about you. If you believe that when you are free there will be a yellow halo around the shadow, then you'd keep waiting for that. If you believe that the shadow becomes full of light, you keep waiting for that. If you are waiting for anything objective to change, then know that that is not what is being pointed to here. The world of objects, including this body, can play out how it wants. I am talking about you—the you that is so spacious that it contains all of this and yet does not run out of space. Even if you are imagining this, even this machination is contained in you. Nothing is excluded; everything is included. And this is actually how it has always been. You have always been the ocean, and the waves of appearances have always come and gone.

That's why when I say, 'Don't make a reference point about yourself,' where does that leave you? Don't refer to yourself as anything at all. What are you now? In your position right now, you are free. The truth is always true about you. The false is coming and going. This is direct. See, what is most direct is without direction, but we got so used to the indirect that it seems like we might need some direction. But I can tell you that all directions to the Self will point you to exactly where you are right now. All directions to the Self will point you to this that you are.

So then I can give you directions: Take one step forward and one step to the right, you reach your destination. Take one step forward and one step backward, you will find yourself. You see what I'm saying? But if that's what it takes to extinguish our sense of doership, then you might as well do this dance back and forth and left and right. But the truth is that wherever you might go, you will only find yourself. As we have often in the last year been laughing at this concept of looking for the Self—this is the funniest thing. Because if I say, 'Have you lost it? Can you not be yourself for a moment?' you see that it is not possible. Don't be yourself. Just don't exist for a moment. Don't be aware of your existence for a moment. Is this awareness coming and going?