Truly Ask Whether I Am Done With This Play - 28 Aug 2015
Saar (Essence)
Ananta teaches that reaching a state of total hopelessness and running out of mental moves is a supreme grace. This despondency breaks our reliance on the mind, opening the door to discovering the untouched Witness prior to all appearances.
When you run out of moves on the outside and inside, it is the most auspicious thing to happen.
Stay with what is not coming and going; you are the unconcerned witnessing of this entire play.
Get this burden off your shoulders that you can move even a blade of grass; let it be God’s problem.
contemplative
Transcript
This transcript is auto-generated and may contain errors.
There are times in everyone's life, in this experience called life, that everything seems completely hopeless. Everything seems completely hopeless and it looks like we're closed in, we are boxed in from all directions, and it seems like the most miserable time that anyone can have. It seems like this room later when you run out of moves; you don't know what to do, no one is accepting you, all these kind of things are happening. Whatever they might be related to—usually around relationships, it also sometimes around other topics—it must be seen that when I run out of moves like this outside, also I run out of moves inside. Because what we first try and do is: 'How can I figure out the right solution?' or 'Where to figure this out?' So we try to rationalize it first. We try to say, 'Okay, if I do this thing, can I fix it?' It doesn't work. 'If I do this, can I fix it?' It doesn't work. Then you try to rationalize it to ourselves. We also try to rationalize it to ourselves and say something to make us feel better, but you see that no thought is helping. No idea, no concept is helpful. And it can seem like this is a terrible place to be. No action is helping, no thought is helping, and for my emotional sensations, all of them sing little.
Then what are we left with? You see, no action, no thought, no emotion—nothing is helping. What is left? And that is why, actually, although to the mind all of this sounded very terrible, it is the most auspicious thing to happen. Because we left our reliance on action, we left our reliance on thought, and we left our reliance on emotion or how we are feeling. This leads to the opening of a door, which is opening inside to this discovery, to finding out what is here prior to emotion, what is here prior to thought, what is here prior to outside action. Usually in the world, it would seem that unless these kind of strong situations come, you're not truly open to looking. Usually, in some cases, it happens on its own or the urge to self-discovery is present without any of these events, but usually in most cases, it is found that you need this to be boxed in and to run out of moves.
Like my Master says, nothing—no practice also—is helping. No mantra is helping, no practice is helping, nothing is changing. Emotions are still negative, thoughts are attacking and defensive, and outward action is seeming like more and more conflict only is coming. Then what is left? This is the wonderful opportunity to discover that which is beyond all of this appearance. All of these appearances will come and go. That which remains—this is the opportunity to discover that. It's very beautiful because now we are not going to be satisfied just by some answer, some concept, because we are saying, 'I'm done with it all. All spirituality, I studied books, I read the great masters and sages, yet I'm here. I've done all the Japa, all the Pradakshina, all the Kriya, everything which is prescribed, and yet I'm here.' It's a beautiful opening, so beautiful.
Oh, I know it's not easy to accept when we are going through this, but you will discover that you're getting gifts greater than any other gift. You're gifting yourself back to yourself. You're losing all interest in that which is mental, that which is external. This is a beautiful dispassion. Some of you have read the Yoga Vasistha to see that Shri Ram is completely despondent. Completely despondent, although he has everything; he's a prince. He is so despondent, you see. And if you read only that chapter in the Yoga Vasistha, you could end up being completely depressed because the futility of this world seems so clear when the young prince says, 'What is in all of this? All these jewels in this palace and all these pleasures? When I was a baby I cried, as a teenager I am driven by all these needs and desires, and when I am older I want more and more conquest. When I get older, I'm worried about this body going. What is the point of all of this?'
What happened in this dispassion? Because he was not interested. His father says, 'The whole kingdom is here for you. All of your people, they're waiting for you expectantly. You will be a great king.' And he says, 'I'm just not interested. None of this interests me. I don't find anything which is lasting. I don't find anything which is meaningful. Tell me, Father, what is it? What is all of this about?' Although it sounds like the story of a young prince long, many, many years ago, isn't it a story where you go from these phases and phases through life, being somebody, wanting some things? And what happened? Did you find that lasting peace? Did we find that joy? Did we find meaning in anything in the world?
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So then the question to be asked is, when this strong feeling of dispassion comes, almost to the level of despondency, is there good news or bad? Because what happened after that? After that, what happens is the great sage Vasistha comes and he shares the truths. He shares the truth. What happened? Did the entire set of people—the council of ministers and the king and everyone who was listening to what Vasistha had to say—did they all discover the truth for themselves? Or it was just one crook was made right enough? So all of this seeming suffering... you see, almost once a week actually someone will come and they say that 'I'm just stuck. I don't know what to do, where to go, what is going to happen.' Sometimes I will say that even this is Grace, and sometimes it feels inappropriate to say that because the situation can seem so strong on the outside. But inwardly I know this is still Grace. And so beautiful time, beautiful time to be stuck in this way because we want to now not pretend about anything.
No thought is attractive to us again. Emotions, we don't care about, as we've seen that they come and go. So already most of the work of Satsang is done. If you are here already, not even words, not even pointing is required. Just to be in the presence, something will open out. Only caution is not to go with any fantasy, any visualization, any ideas. Only just report from whatever has clearly perceived. Don't make more visuals about anything at all. If God is here, He must come and get me now because I have run out of moves. It becomes like this call to God: 'You here, just come now. I'm done with all my strategy, plans, ideas about life. All my identities have all turned to dust. I'm tired of all of this.' And then the Master appears and he says, 'Yes, God is here. Find out what is here.' Does that which is here have a desire? Have some aspirations? Have some ideas about life? That comes later. That comes later.
We are not to give importance to the trickster which comes up. There's all kinds of things. Be clear that it is a trickster. Be completely clear that the mind is only a trickster. Even the great sage Kabir Ji used the word... he said that this mind is a 'thug.' Roughly translated... I know the word 'thug' has become part of the English dictionary also, but roughly translated from Hindi, it means a con, a con artist. So now as you are discovering what is here already, don't go with any mental commentary about just trying to interpret your discovery, which is trying to comment on what is being discovered. Just stay with what is. Let everything else come and go. Stay with what is not coming and going. Then you will see that even the instruction 'stay with' is not required, because you are that already.
This body will come and go. One of my teachers said, 'We live as if we will never die, and we die as if we never lived.' Know that this body will come and go. All our thoughts, attachments, identities, everything will be dust. All these emotions and sensations, now seemingly mean nothing. Who will spend another instant on giving meaning and belief to all this which is completely meaningless? The Master says, 'When we chase the world, then the world will run from us. And when we stop that, the world wants to come and kiss us.' You truly ask, truly ask whether I am done with this play and be completely honest with yourself at least about the answer. Because many times externally we can keep saying, 'Yes, yes, I'm done, I'm done,' but internally there is still hoping for something to happen here which will be meaningful, for the story to have a nice, nice turn or nice ending. And if something expectant wants to play, then nothing can stop it. But at least then you will be clear that it is a play. Therefore this contemplation is very important.
I can only share from what has been seen here. What has been seen here is that nothing that is changing, nothing that is coming and going, nothing that has states has meaning for me now. Once the realm has still complete potential for joy and grief, but even these are just appearances, part of the play, and I remain untouched from all of this. I'm speaking as your voice now. Use my words because even through these seemingly strong upheavals, you will not deny that there is a silent witnessing which is quietly just aware of all that is happening in front of it. So when I say so much, 'All this is happening to me,' there is still the witnessing of the present to which nothing is happening, no matter what the happening is. So strong it might seem when you claim this, you can see it. And then it is natural for us to ask, 'Why this content which is mine just is happening?' Let it happen. I might be witnessing lovely, and don't let your mind come in and be smart here.
Then it will start applying Advaita very quickly and say, 'What about this? What about that?' Everything that is changing is just appearing and disappearing. But that which is the unconcerned witnessing of this entire play... then you find that I am just this witnessing, untouched by any of this play. And then we can say that even this play is rising within me, as me. If only I used to say that first: just be the witness. Just remain as the witness. Witness of thought, witness of sensations, witness of the world, of the body. Just remain as the witness. Then after some time I will ask you: 'Is there an entity called the witness, or are you just this witnessing itself?' If there were some attributes to this entity, wouldn't those also be witnessed? And are you ever just the content of what is witnessed? I am not primarily the content; I am the witnessing itself.
In this space which is prior to all states, are you touched by time? You cannot be touched by space and time. And how can events in space and time reach that which is you? How can that which is born inside the space-time be you? Space and time itself are born inside you. See if this is not your experience already. Don't let these just be words. See that all that is arising is just a dance in front of you. Who is this 'I'? Can we not now leave aside everything that happens in it? Spend some time with the creator of space and time. Should it not really be His problem? Can the mere object in space and time do anything to change this realm of time and space? Therefore now get this burden off your shoulders that you can move a blade of grass here. Rid yourself of this arrogance that any power you have. If I could, I would do a lot to do it. It is never forgotten that all of this is just God's Lila.
The Thread Continues
These satsangs touch the same silence.
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