THIS That is Aware - Is it Seperate from Awareness? - 21st June 2016

Me. Obviously me, yeah.

So this 'I', this 'me' that is aware even of this presence, what does that one look like? What are the attributes of this one?

Right now, I can only, like, you know, when someone asks me this question, I can only feel silence and I know it. Yes or no? That I try to give you answers here, but like, whatever answer I have, it's through certain people, yes.

So don't worry about the answer so much. I'm more concerned about the looking. Who is aware of this presence? Oh yeah, I know sound is not coming now. Yes. How can... can you hear me now? Yeah, exactly. Don't know who is there or, like, you know, what is aware, but I know that there is awareness.

Very good. How do you know this? This is actually the final question I can ask, you see. I know of awareness. How do you know of awareness? Awareness, which is also always everything... since is there an awareness and me? There are you, and then awareness which belongs to you? Is there a 'you' which is separate from this awareness?

No. No, the one...

So what you're saying is that you are aware, and the 'I' that is aware is awareness itself. Right or wrong?

Yeah, yeah. See, so let me make it again simpler for you. Are you aware now?

Yes.

So this that is aware, is it separate from awareness?

No. Now, what did you want when you said... I said a thousand businesses, I thought because... but now, like, you on that... no, no, I know. But part of what exactly is like of self-inquiry and everything, like, you know, there are two things which I emphasize the most. The one is being aware of this 'I' feeling, you know, 'I Am' feeling all the time, and the other one is surrender. So is, you know, these are these two things are the notes which I have, right? In the sense like, when I turn my practice, I do it. I thought... I don't know if I'm going right now. Like, for example, like I ask: Who is talking right now? I can see a gap which is appearing in the mind. Okay, mind cannot really answer the question. Probably I finished like a trap. Sometimes the question itself I feel like a trap sometimes. But like, you know, is this gap in between... it's a mind bypass actually.

What just returned? The question is one of the rare questions which takes you beyond the mind because the mind has no hope of answering this question, you see. So when we did the inquiry together just now, you say that 'I am this awareness which is aware even of presence'. Or 'I Am' now speaks from there. What doubt remains for that one?

I can only experience silence is my answer. I can only experience silence and you ask that, you know, yes...

And this 'I' is which one? You keep picking up this 'I', which is which one? See, so don't think this one up as just an idea. It's not even imagination because you don't even have an imagination of this 'I'. It's just a presumption. There is a presumed 'I' which means actually, in reality, it does not exist. The reality of what you are, you're able to inquire into when you see. And this awareness, is there anybody else here? Is there a Neil? Which one wants freedom? Neil, which is trying to use inquiry or trying to use awareness for some personal benefit? Does this Neil actually exist?

Don't know what to say.

It's not, it's not again about what you report. These questions are to provoke you into looking for yourself.

But, but, but Anantaji, I just want to, like, you know, ask here. For example, like when we're really, like when you're practicing, if what happens, we really don't have Satgurus like Ramana Maharshi and decided right now to show, 'Okay, fine, your practice you are doing on the right'. Okay, all we have right now with us is this set of ideas which is philosophically, intellectually, like, you know, whatever it is, which I trample for a very long time. Intellect, all of the project is taking me nowhere. And there is something which is always like the method or the practice which we talk about, that is that, you know, holding onto this 'I Am', like, you know, just 'I-thought'. So like what happens is, like, you know, as I shunned off all the philosophical theories and everything, I'm looking for, like, you know, this 'I'. You know, if I'm practicing, for example, like I'm looking for a method to someone to say, 'Okay, fine, okay buddy, whatever you're doing is right'. It's like, 'Okay, fine, okay, you are actually holding the I-thought right now'. Because as long as there are extremely states of bliss and everything, I completely agree, but I don't really know if I am doing it in a right way. If I am really... I don't know if I am, like, you know, actually I am giving attention to this 'I Am' thought or some other stupid thought which is in the mind which I am thinking it is 'I Am'.

So let me ask you a question which is going to be the most important one in this interaction. You want to be free or you want the right practice?

I want the right practice so that I can be free.

But if I also say that you can be free now, and then you're free to practice whatever you want, does that sound good or bad?

It's not bad.

Then listen to what I'm saying very carefully. Yep. Because what happens in Satsang is that everyone comes with a checklist of what they want, you see. So someone says, 'I want peace, I want joy, I want bliss'. You come saying, 'I want to have the right practice so I can be free'. What I want to tell you is that it's not about what you think you want. You say, 'I want practice', others say, 'I want joy, I want freedom, I want this'. I don't have any of these things to give you, but I can help you look. Who is this 'I'? You see? Yes. This 'I', we can find it now. The end of all this trouble. Otherwise, you can be a great practitioner for the next 50 years. You can practice, you see? It doesn't help. The whole point of all practice is to bring you to the recognition of who you are. So if you need to find who this 'I' is, the 'I' must be here now, isn't it?

Yes.

Why must I have to practice for 10 years before I can find 'I'? If the 'I' comes after practice, then it cannot be the truth because the truth must always be here. If the Self is real, if the truth is true, then must it not be here now?

Yes, it has to be.

So don't believe any idea that you cannot find it now. Don't even rely on any joy, bliss—all of these are byproducts. They're in service to your being. You are not to take them. So if the truth is here, if the 'I' is real, then it must be here now. That is why we ask the question: Who am I now? Don't worry about what the mind's answer is. You find out who is witnessing the mind's answer. Who is witnessing your own presence? That's why I asked you: Can you stop being? You say no, being is here. I am aware of it. Then I said: Who is this 'I'? Is it separate from awareness? The way you answered, was it from memory or a mental idea, or were you checking and answering?

No, no, I'm telling about, like, my own from my own experience, like what I'm telling is from what I see now.

Who is this 'I' right now?

It's just awareness.

Just awareness. Is this awareness free or bound?

It's free.

Now try to become the person. Try to become Neil and roam in this awareness. Convert it to a person. Make it up, make a person out of it. Can you do it now?

No, I can't. Can't do it.

Then that one's freedom cannot even be born. Then what is the trouble around? Nothing. So if you recognize that 'I am this awareness', and this is the recognition of the Self, and I was saying earlier that it is not necessary to have this recognition of the Self and be free from their conditioning. So for this end of freedom from this conditioning, I will give you a practice. Yeah, but this is very simple: Don't believe your next thought. That's your last sentence. My next thought is 'I'... your last sentence. Because when you check, you find 'I am this awareness'. I cannot become Neil. Even the appearance of this body and this life of this body, I cannot find a Neil because this body doesn't want freedom. The one that wants freedom, I cannot find. Therefore, this non-existent one seems to have a representative, which is our mind, which is our thoughts, you see. But I recognize that I am not this one, I'm awareness. So why must I believe this representative of the non-existent one? Now what happens is there are two forces which work on these terms. One is the force of attention, the second is the force of belief. All practices are trying to get attention under control. With mindfulness, you try to stay with the sense 'I Am'. Everything is trying to control our attention. But attention is a very naughty monkey. The more we try to control it, the more it wants to run, you see. But identification with the false is not possible just with our attention. You also need to give it belief. Repeated identification or to pretend to be the ego is not possible just by giving attention. We also need to give it belief. Without giving your belief, you cannot pretend to be me. If you want to stop pretending to be a person, don't believe your next thought. That's all you have to do, you see. So all we have to do to be free from conditioning is to not believe our next thought. Because the recognition of the Self, because of a simple self-inquiry, is already happening and can happen anytime we check 'Who am I?'. You see that 'I am this awareness'. Therefore, the only thing we did, as Bhagwan said, if you still feel like you have a choice, if you feel you have a choice to do some practice, make the choice not to go with your thoughts. What Bhagwan said. Now, what I found with this is that many would come back and say, 'I'm so frustrated because I let go of some thoughts but I still buy some other thought. It's so troublesome'. So I made it even simpler. I said: You just don't believe your next thought. It is enough. Because the tree of conditioning cannot function without you pulling at the branch of the next thought.

So I have to just, like, you know, stop believing whatever thought is?

Yes. Allow them to come and go. Who would resist them? Just like the Zen master said, see? So one door, let them come. The other door, let them go. You don't serve them tea. Okay?

Yeah. So is that like... just I want to ask you this last one thing. Like, is that the one who is observing these thoughts, is that the I-thought?

You can say like that, that the witness, the phenomenon... okay, let me try to put it simpler. The one that tastes a fruit, really, it perceives the taste of the fruit, is the same one that perceives the thoughts. So all phenomenal perceiving is happening through our presence, awareness. But it is not even phenomenally perceiving; it is just aware. All phenomenal functioning, including phenomenal perceiving, is a functioning of our being, or that which we call the primal I-thought, 'I Am'. This 'I Am', whatever you call it, whatever label you use for me. Okay, I really don't use the term 'I-thought' because it ends up confusing me. It's much easier to say 'I Am' presence. Or everyone used to say 'I-I'. 'I-I' is the 'I Am' presence, and this is another appearance. So this 'I Am' presence also has been referred to as the primal I-thought, which is the root of all other eye conditioning. And we attach things to 'I Am' and that becomes conditioned. Thank you, Anantaji. I thank a lot. It's a wonderful topic.

Thank you. I think...