Inquiry Into Who is Aware of Awareness - 25th July 2016

So it's okay, we can start from here. This is good. So, to be asking the same questions, it feels ridiculous, yes? But that is the one-two punch, you see. The total, the second punch of the one-two punch of the mind is worse than the first one. So the first one is that the same question is coming, you see. The first punch is that. So we are asking the same question is the first aspect. What is worse is the second punch which is, 'Oh, I am so unworthy, I'm guilty, I just keep asking the same question, this is taking too long.' So none of this is true, actually. It's not taking too long. Most of the world is not even asking the question, so there is nothing like taking too long. The word is important to be able to just see what is here now. And the mind will come at you, but are passing this, but this is pure fiction. You see, this is fiction, isn't it? There is no Radhika who's here. One that answers 'yes' to 'Am I aware now?' and it is not the repeating of the 'yes' but the seeing that is true. Whose seeing is this one?

It's my seeing, yes.

And this 'me', what can we see about that one? The one that sees it, what do we see about that one? Look for this 'I'. What do we find? Is it a void? Is it a void that we find? Is it something phenomenal, something that can be tasted that we find there? Just seeing. And how is this seeing seen? Is it seen in some way? How do we know there is a seeing?

You just know.

So this 'I', which is the same knowingness, the same awareness itself, you see, is aware of itself as awareness. That's why when you ask the question 'Who is aware of this awareness?', you say that it is me, it is I that is aware. It is so naturally and simply known. It is as simple as that. This 'I' does not look like anything because it is no thing, and yet it is so clear that I am aware. Is it not clear?

It's clear and it's also clear that this 'I' that is aware is not a thing.

Is this clear? And this 'I' that is aware is not even like a special blank. It's not even visible as some dark space or white light, anything. It's clear, Radhika. So this 'I' which is indescribable and yet it is so clear that it is, you see, we cannot deny the existence of this 'I'. We can only say that it is not to be found phenomenally, isn't it? Now, if all of this is true, then where is Radhika in all of this?

Don't find Radhika.

So the 'Radhika' then must be presumed. If we get a sense that this feeling is Radhika, or these thoughts make up Radhika, or a combination of the sense of my existence and the presence of these feelings and thoughts must make up Radhika, isn't it? You see? But really, when we deconstruct it in this way, we find that the sense of existence is here, but the 'I' which is aware of it remains untouched. The feelings could be various ones which come and go, yet this 'I' remains untouched. And the thoughts can come and go, and 'I' remain untouched. So what now? What does this 'I' have to do? Nothing. Can it lose itself? Can this 'I' lose itself? Now, which part of the question still remains?

Okay, so it feels clear, obviously clear, but not completely. I can't deny anything you've said, I can't. I said I can't deny it, but it doesn't feel, it just doesn't look complete. It's there's great and that's experienced and so I feel like, well, then I guess I need to keep inquiring. I can't because I feel like I'm drugged, that's why everything that...

Yeah, I don't think that there are two aspects to this. One is this recognition, and if they have any doubt over to it, let's go through it together. This recognition of what is in this moment right now is the first step that we are taking together. What gives us the ability to say 'I am aware' without seeing this 'I'? There is something more primal, isn't it? There is this awareness that 'I' itself is this knowingness of 'I' without finding a phenomenal 'I'. So, okay, talk like this. It's direct, very much directing at what we are looking for with you. Okay, very good. If you can drill into this question: How are we able to report that 'I am aware' without finding this 'I' as a phenomenon? Isn't there a deeper knowing of this 'I' which is not a thing? This is the recognition which is not phenomenal. The only one like this. How many are clear about this and how many are not clear? Clear? Then raise your hand. Yeah, no peer pressure again. No? Okay, very good.

So, okay, so let's go really slow. There's a request to go really slow. Let's start with the question: Can I stop being now? Can I stop being? And we find that there is a sense of presence, a sense of existence that is here. I am aware of this. I am aware of this, isn't it? This 'I' that is aware of this, is it a thing? Is it a space? Does it have any attributes whatsoever? Is it? Yes? Is it? Is it? So do you know what a meditation will be? Keep it there. 'I' that is aware even of the sense of presence, what is it? Is it a thing? Is it a blank space? Is it a visual of something?

Space.

Space. Who is aware of this space? It feels it is being visualized that way. It feels it, it is seen now like this. Don't rely on any past conclusion. The 'I' that is aware of being, or is this one, look like? Where is it located? What is its size and shape? If there is blank space, who is aware of that space? Is it special space? Is it like special space?

Special space.

So, who is aware of this space? Is that within the space? It's measurable space, yes. But who is aware of this experience? We say it is 'I'. That is not deniable. We are looking for the contours of this 'I' actively today a little bit because she reminded me that it is easy to fall asleep from maybe inquiring quietly and not using the mind at all. No using past answer, no conclusion, just from the checking now. What do we find? Every movement we explore all kind of... yes? Are you answering my question? Don't, don't divert yourself with not good for you right now. Who is this 'I'? Is this moving? Don't presume anything. Do you have to move to be aware? Do you have to move to be aware? Is a movement of attention equal to your movement? This 'I', then, when I asked you 'Are you aware now?', where does the confirmation come from? What seeing does it rely on? Is it phenomenal? What did we find that we're able to say yes?

So when we check 'Am I aware now?', don't go on any mental adventures, just stay here. Why is it that 'yes' is the right answer? How is this known? Who is the 'I' that sees this or knows this or is the aware of it? Is the existence of this awareness dependent on the appearance of an object? Exactly. Exactly. So then we see that the awareness is independent of the appearance of the objective world, but the objective world cannot be reported to appear unless there was an awareness of it, isn't it? So the dependence relationship is obviously on awareness itself. And yet we cannot see it, not with world. The 'I' is not through phenomenal eyes. This is complete. This is recognized and it is complete in itself. In fact, it is never incomplete.