Bearing Our Own Emptiness - 15th January 2016

When we first come to this, attention moves to the depth of what we are, the unlimitedness of what we are, the eternity of what we are. Then some reaction like this can come, no? So when it is said, 'Can you bear your emptiness?' it is that when we are coming to terms with the awareness that we are, which is unlimited, beyond time and space, the mind will immediately come with some saying, 'Oh, this is too scary' or 'This is too empty. I don't know what to do now, I'm confused.' All of this resistance will come. And this 'bearing emptiness' is a pointing which says it's okay, let it be wobbly for some time. I'm with you. Let the fear come; nothing will happen. You are in a secure place. And actually, then the perspective starts to shift and then we go from something which feels like, 'Oh, I'll drown in that' to that it is that I am that. The fear of drowning in that then dissolves and you realize there's nothing for me to drown in. This entire manifest universe is drowning inside me.

And then, like she's saying, that once you see that all of this is just a play happening inside me, then how can you not love it? Or even if you don't have to go that far and say how can you not love it, how can you have a grievance against it? How can you oppose it? And then all is seen as just what it is, and I am that unlabelable one. And we see that all labels, all this play of name and form, is happening inside of me. And then as we come to this, then there'll be many times where things like this will happen: there's too much joy, too much love. Sometimes I've said that it seems so tangible I wish I could just cut it into pieces and give you. But there's no dependence on even this. The joy, the love is not a dependent relationship. They come for their joy inside me, they play, but I am not attached. Because otherwise what can happen is very quickly the mind can come and say, 'Okay, now because this love and peace and joy are here, therefore now I must be free.' But they also go. It's not a constant state. They also go. They come, they go, they come simply like children; and they get tired and go back to sleep, wake up and happen like that. But if you were to attach to that, then again it can be this sense of finding it then losing it.

So if we stay with our emptiness, what does it mean, emptiness? It's not a negative thing. Because the words... we have to use these words, you see. But this emptiness is not negative emptiness. This nothingness is not the negative nothingness. It is we are coming to our realization of the non-phenomenality that we are; the understanding that I am not phenomenal predominantly, although the phenomenal arises within me. I am non-phenomenal. So as that which is non-phenomenal, I can have no story, I can have no attachments. This realization, this settling into what we are, can be accompanied by such strong experiences that you don't know whether to laugh or cry, or you actually are laughing and crying at the same time. Or it could be very just... this is what it always is. And sometimes it can seem like it is the biggest joke that has ever been played. And the idea that I was lost and confused myself to be a phenomenal entity then sounds completely silly. How could I ever? Many report this after an awakening experience, sort of experience: 'Did I ever confuse myself to be just in this?'

And you can go anywhere from there. It could be that this settles like this and you say, 'Yes, I can never believe myself to be a person again,' or very quickly in two or three days you could come back and say, 'Oh, I'm suffering so much in my relationships.' Completely fine. But my feeling and my blessing actually is that you cannot walk all the way back to the delusion of believing yourself to be a person. And this sense of personhood dissolving is what is happening in Satsang over and over, more and more as we go along. And I see that happening for all of us, all of us. Because if there is not this common path, you see, then it will become very tiring. After two or three times you say, 'This one is not for me' or 'This is too difficult, I'm not getting it.' Whatever the resistance might be, if it is still something personal that we want, then we will not resonate with Satsang for a long time. Then you see that you start to get glimpses of what you truly are and somewhere there is an end that, 'I only... I don't want to fool myself anymore. I'm done with this being.' Then that will resonate more in you.

And it happened for many of you when you come and say, after a long time of being in Satsang, you will come and say, 'Today I felt like the first time I'm hearing you.' And yet the words have always been similar. But today it can feel like it's the first time I'm hearing. Why? Because something just settles into the seeing and the person is getting dropped, you see. So initially even in Satsang we take the personal perspective and say, 'Yes, this is making sense to me' or 'Not making sense to me. I agree with this, I disagree with this.' We have this personal sense or 'I'm not seeing this.' And then as we come more and more and more into our true nature, then it's just so obvious what is being spoken. And then the question can come and you can maybe even question me and say, 'Why do you keep saying this every day? It's so simple.' And I will typically say, 'Now you're saying it's simple, isn't it?' So once the realization of what is just here is seen, that it's always been here and I've always known this, I don't know why I was pretending. It will always come like this: 'I don't know why I was pretending. Must be some divine Maya, see? Divine hypnosis.' So the personal pretense then is laughed at.