BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

[Someone is in tears of grief, but inaudible]

One of the misconceptions that is rampant is that those who are awake or those who are free have no feelings. Many times it’s like this in my interactions also. It’s like ‘You are free. You have no feeling. Just be concerned about my feelings’. But it’s not like this. It is that these feelings come, emotions do arise; it is not a robotic, vegetative state. They come very strongly, in fact, like you said. There’s no veto; it just comes. But the difference is that it does not last. So it comes, it can it be really strong, and then because nothing is giving it identity, nothing is keeping it around, it is just experienced completely. And it can seem so strong. But then it dissolves back into the nothingness. And there is no reporting that ‘this happened’ or ‘this didn’t happen’. You won’t even remember what feelings came at once. This is true. But the feelings do appear. The feeling of grief can appear, the feeling of being hurt can appear. But it does not last; it’s not held onto.

[Speaker inaudible]

Emotions by themselves are just very pure expressions of Consciousness; even anger, grief, sorrow are Consciousness, uncontaminated by the personal; here and now. It is what we use the mind to make out of it; that anger can come and the mind says ‘See, you’re still just an angry person. What about all this freedom stuff? Rubbish. You’re still just an angry person’. If we believe that, then we make guilt out of it, resentment out of it. These are the by-products which need the mind. Because the emotions by themselves are just pure energy that are experienced in the moment. They just come; just like thoughts that have appeared and disappeared. The same way, emotions just come and they go.

It’s very good to be just open like this and allow it. This is very good because then we’re not holding on to any self-image; projecting that ‘I am free’ or something like this. You can allow it. Because a person pretending to be ‘a free person’ or operating in the belief of a free person…, that is the heaviest burden that anyone can carry. It’s the biggest, biggest burden for anyone.

So, just like this; completely open. No concept of self-image now. Grief is coming, so grief is coming.

[Speaker inaudible] “Thank you.”

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From Morning satsang of 17th October 2015
Silent Retreat with Ananta in Tiruvannamalai

Find this effortlessness of being the Self. So far it has seemed like we have been making some effort to discover the Self. Find now that this naturalness, this existence itself, is your natural state.

[It has been hard work] in picking up all these ideas and concepts. And find that it has been completely futile not matter what the mind has been telling you about it. Nobody wants ‘the person’ back. Whatever the mind might be promising to you, whatever fears it might be telling you about, nobody wants this identity back. And it’s time that we stop buying these excuses of the mind.

Effortless allow them to come and go. Because by now it must be completely clear to you that this voice is not authentically yours. It belongs to you, it appears inside you, but it does not represent who you are. And when you’re buying, then know for yourself ‘I am buying this now’.

If you buy an idea of ‘I’ then say ‘I am buying this’.

It might seem a little bit silly what I’m saying but it’s what we’re doing, so why don’t we admit it? ‘I’m buying the idea that I don’t feel free; that means that I’m still buying the idea that freedom is some feeling. I’m buying the idea that something is supposed to happen to my body once I’m free. I’m buying the idea that some sort of utopia will be here when there is freedom’. Which are the ideas that you are buying?

So just in silence for up to 5 minutes, do an internal audit, and find out which ideas are still being bought, which ideas still have the most force.

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From  Silent Retreat Tiruvannamalai, 16^th October 2015, Afternoon

Whatever is appearing right now, in the outer world,

You are the witness of it.

I witness the world. The world does not witness me.

This body is appearing here, it is felt here.

I am the witness of this body. This body is not the witness of me.
Whatever the mind might be saying, whatever thoughts are coming,

I am the witness of these. Thought does not witness me.

Whatever sensations, emotions are appearing,

I witness them. They cannot witness me.

The sense that ‘I exist. I am.’

I witness this. Even this does not witness me.

This ‘I’ …, untouched by any of these appearances,

just this witnessing itself, I cannot separate from.

It is what I am.

I have no color or shape or form.

I am not changing with time.

I cannot be bound by space.

This witnessing, unconcerned, untouched, unmoving,

which doesn’t come and go; all maya comes and goes,

all appearances come and go…,

This ‘I’ I have always been.

And this I see now.

And yet these thoughts continue.

And because it has been my habit to believe these thoughts to be me;

that’s why some of them still get some belief.

But the truth is I am the immortal, invincible One.

I can never be just the man; just this bundle of flesh and blood.

This is all our direct experience, right now.

But it can never be a mental understanding.

And as my Being continues to dis-associate

from these ideas which are personal,

you will find that all love, all peace, all joy is in your service.

It is not possible to feel a sense of lack.

Contentment is at your feet.

Just the power of this ‘Not believing the next thought’…,

To remain as uncontaminated Presence.

And to trust the Satguru in your own Heart.

To trust our ability to recognize the Love which is impersonal,

which is pure.

It is enough to not fall for the delusion of personhood;

this much is enough.

The insights about the truth will reveal themselves on their own.

Nothing needs to be done; just enough to check that

‘I am not this person which I am claiming to be’

and to trust that the One that runs this entire universe

is also taking care of my life.

This is a timeless gift that we are giving to each other,

long after these bodies have come and come.

So when we check ‘Who am I?’

to see that ‘I am not this ego, I am not the person’

and to see that I am This,

this knowing which is aware of all appearances.

This is what I have been;

This is what I always will be.

May this bring all peace.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

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From 16th October 2015
Silent Retreat with Ananta in Tiruvannamalai.
Full satsang @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BlbN7b9iSk

I can see that the mind is settling in for many of you.
It’s not feeling like so much of a prison now, the silence.
It’s more natural.

[Silent Sitting]

Don’t resist whatever might be appearing.
Allow everything to appear.
[Silence]

Allow yourself to experience fully whatever sound,
whatever the senses might be bringing to you.
Don’t resist anything.
[Silence]

Don’t push anything away. All sounds are welcome.
[Silence]

Observe where sounds are being experienced,
where this voice is being experienced.
Is it experienced outside you? Or is it inside you?
[Silence]

Now, let’s bring our attention to the body,
and welcome any sensation that might be there;
even that of pain.
[Silence]

Taste whatever experience the body is bringing to you
with a sense of complete openness.
[Silence]

Allow all sensations to appear.
Taste this experience with no resistance, no judgment.
[Silence]

Find out whether the sensations of the body
are experienced in the same space
as the sounds were being experienced earlier.
[Silence]

Find out if the body is being experienced inside you?
Or outside you?
[Silence]

Let’s bring our attention to our thoughts
and whatever they might be saying.
All thoughts are welcome.
[Silence]

Just observe how thoughts are interpreting What Is.
[Silence]

Observe what thoughts appear like.
What are thoughts? How do you see them?
And allow all of them to come.
[Silence]

Let’s bring our attention to our space of feelings.
Observe whatever feeling might be there.
Even the sense if there is no feeling, stay with that space.
[Silence]

Don’t push anything aside.
If it is fear, let it be. If it is joy, let it be.
All emotions and feelings are allowed.
[Silence]

Taste whatever feeling is appearing for you now.
Even if it feels a little uncomfortable at first, just stay with it;
honor it.
[Silence]

Welcome all feelings with open arms.
[Silence]

Now just observe that there is a sense that
‘I Am Here. I exist. I Am.’
Independent of the thought ‘I Am’…, You Are.
[Silence]

This Presence is your Being.
[Silence]

Observe that you are aware of your Presence,
of your existence,
of your Being.
You know: Being is Here.
You know: I Am.
[Silence]

Don’t try to get this. No mind can get this.
It just simply IS.
[Silence]

From this moment, you are This Awareness.
In every moment, you are This Awareness.
[Silence]

You cannot be bound.
[Silence]

No concept of Freedom applies to You.
[Silence]

You are the eternal Witness of all appearances.
And yet you remain untouched by any appearance.
[Silence]

You Are This !
You cannot become anything else.
[Silence]

And in knowing this, now you rest.
[Silence]

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti
[Namaste]

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Silent Retreat  in Tiruvannamalai, 15th October 2015 morning

We’ll read something from the Essence of Ribhu Gita. This is from Chapter 26, Verse 3. The sage says:

‘Having realized that the world picture on the screen-Self is evanescent and essentially non-existent, one should ever remain still and blissful in the firm conviction of ever being the sole Brahman-Self only. This conviction should be maintained even while functioning as an individual in the world of name and form. This matured state of abidance in the Self is called sahaja nishta, the natural state’.

And the next verse is: ‘In that blissful Self wherein there is no action of body, speech and mind, no virtuous or sinful karma and the fruits thereof, one should remain still, eschewing the least trace of thought’.

‘In that Self, wherein there is neither conceiver nor conception of the world of names and forms, one should remain blissfully still, eschewing the least trace of thought. In that Self wherein desire, anger, covetousness, confusion, bigotry and envy are all absent; in that Self wherein there is no thought of bondage or release, one should abide blissfully still, eschewing the least ripple of thought’.

So, I am going to translate eschewing to be ‘not believing’. The mind always says that it can’t be so simple. ‘There must have been somewhere that I need to get. I’ve been at this for so long; all my journey, all my trials and tribulations. Are you saying I’ve always been this; always been that which I’ve been looking for? Something must need to be changed, at least. The anger should go’. It will say this kind of thing. ‘The relationships should get better. What is the benefit of this whole thing? And he’s saying even bliss he will not promise’.

Could it really have been one big trick? Just a switch of perception; just a switch of perspective actually. And we took on a personal perspective. Just this perspective needs to switch back. What is the real perspective? It has been very hard work to be a person, and it’s completely effortless to be the Self. That’s why the sage calls it the effortless state, the natural state.

We’re working so hard to pretend to be bound. And how do we know we are working hard? Because we are suffering. And it’s not as if suffering was designed by somebody else. This is all part of your own play. Maybe we can say that we created it as an alarm clock for our-self.

It’s that simple. Nothing needs to happen. It’s only that the term ‘I’, the idea of ‘I’, got a little muddied up, a little muddled up. And we got used to using it for an imagined non-existent entity; non-entity. We got used to using it in that way.

And now we are fully just clarifying ‘Who is this I?’ That’s all that is needed. That’s why Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said that after silence, it is self-inquiry that is the best path, the best way. All we are doing is clarifying ‘What do we mean by I?’

And the mind wants to keep it confusing like that. If you ask most Beings who are not in satsang, you will find…, you will sometimes be shocked at their indifference to this question. Because immediately the mind resists. It says ‘What’s the point? This is too abstract. What will I get?’ This complete refusal to look at this. Which is completely fine because they’re not done playing. And there is no need to force this; forcibly make them look at what they mean by ‘I’. It is enough that we look.

And what happens, first when we look? We’re easily distracted by appearances, the content. Or ‘I think I am this; I think I am this’. No, you are the witness of this thought. Who is the witness? ‘I’m scared. I’m feeling some fear’. No, you are witnessing that fear is arising. Who is the witness? ‘But my family and my friends don’t understand me, and they’ll leave.’ You’re witnessing this. Just another appearance. Who is the witness? So all this slew of appearances comes with full force to distract you from this question. Sometimes when you ask, you might find yourself just too sleepy.

I have a friend, a colleague who has worked with me for some years now, and sometimes we talk about satsang. And just when we come to the core, he’ll become so sleepy; his head is falling down. [Smiles]. While in this play, all of this can happen. So the world of appearances seems to become even more distracting than earlier. And the voice of this mind, the voice of the interpreter seems to become even more aggressive, loud, trying to pull your attention away from the question into another appearance.

That’s why the teacher asks:

What is here besides the appearance?

Who is witnessing these appearances?

[Silence]

Is it not you that sees everything coming and going, and yet it remains unchanged? This body, every cell has changed many times over. It is changing every day. Yet I remain as the witness of it. These thoughts, every minute a new thought, and I remain as the witness of it. Emotions, feelings, energy; changing, changing, changing. But I remain as the witness of it. Even the states of waking, dream and sleep, I am aware of, I witness them, and they change. That which I do not witness does not exist.

Who is this witness?

If we keep the appearances aside just for a few moments, and find out who is witnessing all of this, then we find that this …, even to call it a ‘witness’ actually is a bit much, because ‘witness’ implies an entity who is a witness, and that means that it has some attributes. But when we look, do we find any attributes for this witness?

And this is a point of frustration for many of you. ‘We look for the witness, and we don’t find it’. What you actually mean is ‘I don’t find the phenomenal attributes for the witness’. You can’t find it, because it is not phenomenal.

But far more accurate it is to say that there is no ‘witness’, it is just the witnessing itself. The great sages of the past were called the ‘Seers’. But actually there is no ‘Seer’. It is the Seeing Itself.

Are you okay with not being a noun; not being an entity? A more accurate description of I, of you, would be more like a verb. You are just this Seeing. You are not an entity who is aware, an entity who is witnessing. You are the Awareness Itself, the Witnessing Itself.

And this the mind cannot accept, understand or fathom. So don’t struggle with trying to convince the mind. Don’t even force it as a belief on the mind. You do not need to believe it. You only need to See it.

And you are Seeing it right now. This is all that you are Seeing. At least some of you are waiting for mental confirmation. You’re not trusting your own Seeing, you’re waiting for the mind to confirm ‘Yes, this is what I see’.  Because all of you, when I ask you the question ‘Are you aware now?’ you say ‘Yes’. And I say ‘What was seen to confirm this?’ You say ‘This awareness is here, but I find no attributes of this; and yet I know it is here’. This is what we are talking about. This Knowing-ness, this Seeing-ness, this Awareness.

And you don’t need to ‘be that’. Because quickly the mind comes with this task. It says ‘Now that you see it, you must be it’. So instead, I say: Don’t be it, and show me. Stop being it for just an instant. The instruction to ‘be it’ is also personal actually. And no person can ‘be it’.

Awareness can only be Awareness.

At best when we say ‘Stay as the Self’ or ‘Stay as Awareness itself’ it only means to not believe any appearance to be You. So don’t fall for this delusion again. This is all that it means when it is said ‘Stay as the Self’.

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From Silent Retreat in Tiruvannamalai, 15th October 2015 Afternoon

For some of you, the mind might come with some proclamations just about now, saying that ‘This is it. I got it’. And we must not even believe this one. And if it does get your belief, then we must inquire. Because the last stand of the ego is the spiritual ego. The pretend person claiming to be the enlightened person; this is spiritual ego. How do we know this is spiritual ego or not? It manifests with the messaging that ‘There is something special about me. I am something different from everyone else’. And there are many, many beautiful awakening experiences which are then again pulled back into egotism because of this spiritual ego. And if there is such a thing as a strong adversary for the voice of the truth, then it is this spiritual ego.

We find that those who are caught up in this spiritual ego then are almost impossible to get through to. Then you just have to let Grace do the work. … The good news is that Life knows, Grace knows, and suffering will squeeze this ego out of us. [Silence] Just like love and fear cannot co-exist, specialness and gratitude cannot co-exist.

And this is a nice way to check. Because many times, we don’t know. We don’t know whether we are afflicted by the spiritual ego. So a good way to check is ‘Is there gratitude?’ Because specialness usually exhibits itself in a very ‘unworthy’ way, (almost you can say), because it will say things like ‘Me and my Guru, we’re just buddies; we’re the same anyways’. ‘Yes, yes, it was useful to hear him for some time’. This kind of talk; just to check.

The ego is very smart, the mind is very smart. And it will use Advaita itself as a very solid defense for the ego. And you will find many people … who have picked up these Advaitic concepts but it is all still coming from a personal perspective and a perspective of specialness. Because there is nothing wrong with the content of the words; it’s only that you smell that it is not accompanied by the fragrance of love, peace and joy.

That is why I feel like a very worthy prayer, and a prayer which is often repeated here also, is to say that: ‘If there’s any arrogance here, If there is any sense of specialness which is perpetuating here, Let Life slap it out of here immediately, right now’. And there are many in this sangha who have made this prayer, and they testify that it really works [Chuckles]; very fast.

This is probably what Papaji meant when he said ‘Vigilance to the last breath’. It was not this restrictive sort of vigilance, this restricted state. It was just this natural growing. And if there was some sense of suffering, some sense of discomfort, some sense of identity getting picked up, just to be vigilant about that. And it’s a sign of great humility, isn’t it?

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From Afternoon of 15th October 2015,  Silent Retreat in Tiruvannamalai.

Enjoy marinating in this silence. … All auspiciousness is with us.

The mind will give you some trivialities. But it is the nature of the mind to try to distract you right now. Because what is being spoken about actually is the simplest thing. I’m just sharing what I see, right here, right now. That’s all I’m doing in all satsangs. No imagination, nothing conceptual. Just from whatever is clearly, directly experienced in this moment.

And the good news is that it is exactly the same experience that you are having, already. There is nothing esoteric, metaphysical that we are talking about. Yes, to the mind it is completely radical. I’m not denying that. But it is the mind using imagination, which has had it upside-down all along, convincing the Immortal One that it is this mortal body. Convincing the Infinite that it is some finite Being. And yet, when we look just for a few moments with openness, what do we find?

So use this opportunity to just let go. We’re out of the world, in some way, because in the world there are always expectations of how we must be, how we must behave, what we must say and not say. Now all of that has been taken away.

For some of you, the mind might be trying to create a picture of some gloomy situation because you’re in silence. You know, some of you are carrying these glum faces. [Laughs]. But actually it is a beautiful opportunity to just let go; all ideas, all behavior. You can cry if you want, you can laugh if you want; whatever is appearing. There is nothing right or wrong. And as usual, as is the nature of the mind, it is saying that ‘I’m in some sort of prison’. Actually, this is your opportunity to just let go. If the body wants to fall down like this, let it fall. If it’s feeling energized, let it be energized. This is a freeing silence! It is not a bonding silence. It is a freeing silence. We are unconcerned with your own behavior and that of others. If you’re dancing around as if you’re crazy, that’s completely fine. If you’re sitting alone in your cave as if you’re a monk or a sadhu, that’s also completely fine. It’s not about either of those. It is about the discovery of what Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] was speaking about, about 100 years ago in this same holy place. And the discovery is available to all of us here.

What is here which is beyond thought? What is here which is beyond feeling?

We’ve gotten addicted to reporting from our thoughts; addicted to catering to our feelings. But who is the witness of both of these?

Who is here that knows all of this, and yet it cannot be defined?

Who’s here that knows the arising and disappearing of all phenomena, and yet itself is not phenomena?

Don’t go searching out there, because you will not find it there.

What is already here?

Who is looking?

Who is hearing reporting to?

Who am I?

The mind has convinced the entire world that either this question has no meaning, or it is too difficult to find the answer. Both of these are not true. And the answer is available right now, because you already are that.

So, during the next 4 to 5 days that we have together, be vigilant to the mind’s childish tricks, and how it tries to make a person out of you again. As you are discovering your impersonal self, observe how the mind and maybe sometimes even the world of this maya is collaborating to distract  you, to push your buttons, to convince you that you are still a person and the person must be real. It’s the story of the mind. It’s using every opportunity that it gets to convince you of this life.

Who am I? Who am I? This is Self-inquiry.

Where must I look for ‘I’?

Which ashram, which temple, must I look for ‘I’?

Is the ‘I’ not here right now?

Can you not be I?

Can we leave the ‘I’ aside?

What is it that cannot be left?

The body will be left. The thoughts will come and go; emotions, all of this will come and go.

But what is the ‘I’ which is not left behind?

What does this one look like?

This is the simple looking.

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From Morning satsang of October 14th 2015
Silent Retreat with Ananta in Tiruvannamalai.

So the silence is preparing us to receive this wordless teaching.

Our habit is that we have gone from place to place since we were children; preparing through school, expecting some conceptual answers which will explain what is going on. Everyone is looking for some sort of an answer. Then we come to a point where we see that no concept will do it; that there is something much deeper, something much broader, something here which is the essence of existence that I find that no words can truly get to.

In the silence, we’re losing this reliance on words. And as we go along over the next few days, we’ll see that these words were given much more importance than they deserve. And nothing came to a standstill just because of our silence. We’re preparing to come face to face with our non-conceptual reality, the non-phenomenal Self.

How does one convince a drop of water that it is actually the infinite ocean? This leap seems too much for a drop to understand. There is something that shifts; where we drop the personal perspective, the idea that ‘I’m just this drop’. And everything is on our side for this dropping. All the ground has been prepared for this unfolding.

And there is complete trust here that the voice which speaks these words is the same voice which brought this one to its unfolding, and now uses this body to share these words. So, if it was possible here, then it is completely possible for all imagined drops to see for themselves that they are just one infinite ocean.

And if you notice actually, our conversation is exactly like that.

You will come and say ‘I am just this mere drop’.

I say ‘Can you check and look and tell me: where is this one, this drop?’

And you say ‘I can’t find the boundaries’.

[And I say]: ‘Then what makes you think you’re a drop?’

‘Okay, I see I’m not the drop. I’m the ocean. So now, which way should the drop go? Should it go left?’ [Laughs]

‘Yes, yes, I See I’m not the drop. I find no boundaries to myself. All appearances are appearing inside me and they’re going inside me, and yet, I’m not convinced because I was promised that I will become a super-drop with a halo’. [Laughter] ‘I don’t see the halo. And those dust particles that were inside me are still there. I was promised that they will not be there; these feelings and these thoughts’.

And the best one of them all is ‘Yes, I see I’m the ocean. But then, so what?’ [Laughs] ‘What did the drop get?’

As I have been saying all morning, it is not true that the ocean became a drop, and now the drop has to become the ocean again. It’s just that the ocean itself is pretending. It has the power to pretend. It is much simpler than we can imagine. And just in the Seeing that ‘I cannot find this individual identity. It was always just an idea. It never really happened’ then it cannot survive; the false cannot survive.

And sometimes it survives with our permission; that ‘I want to play as a drop some more. I’m not done yet’. Or some deluded idea that there might still be some hope for that halo. [Laughs]. ‘I want to give this ‘enlightened person’ thing one last shot. Because I’ve heard such great things about these enlightened people. They could be in multiple places at one time. They had all kinds of siddhis and powers. They were just in bliss the whole time. They needed no sleep. And whatever they wished for would appear in front of them’.

Are we still waiting for those miniscule gifts that a drop can get? Or are we open now to just looking openly, and coming to the realization that this individual life cannot find?

And one important resistance also that comes up is that the same mind says ‘It cannot be true like this, because you could not have been so stupid. You have believed yourself to be this for so long; there must be something wrong with this picture. Maybe there is a way that the ocean became a drop, and it happened to you, and now you’re getting back to becoming the ocean’. That’s a much more glorious story, you see. And we want that kind of story. We’re not willing to admit that it was just a belief, it was just an idea, it was nothing at all. Because what kind of biography is that?

Even now some of us might be waiting for some explosive experience. Because we are not happy if this story was to end so meekly. ‘I searched and I searched for so many years, and one day I was just sitting in this hall in Tiruvannamalai, and it occurred to me that I am not this ego. And I could see that only Being is here. And I’m the witness of even this Being’.

End of story. Don’t buy this book. [Laughs] We want some explosion. ‘I came up on the hot seat and just me looking at the Master’s eyes, something just exploded; and everyone said wow!’ [Everyone laughs] At least that much story… [Laughter]

So, I’m making a joke out of it but it’s this tendency to storify [story-fy]…, that’s why I asked you this question:

If this was the end of the story, not even some steps were to happen now, just nothing to storify now after this one; just now the story ends. Are you okay with this? Nothing to report, no supernatural phenomena, not even an awakening experience to write about. ‘Just simply sitting here, I saw that I have never been a person’. That much I’ll read. [Smiles]. Okay?

And it is a little bit confusing, because the seeming-journey started because I wanted something. I wanted peace, I wanted bliss, I wanted joy, I wanted all kinds of things. I could have wanted astral travel, I could have wanted to predict the future. I could have wanted a lot of these things. But I got nothing. And even this ‘I’ got taken away from me! So not only did I not get anything, even this ‘I’ got taken from me.

As I was telling someone earlier, this is a root question, you see?

Do I want to be a free cat? Or do I want freedom FROM the cat?

Do I want to now be a cat with a halo? Or am I done playing cat?

Am I willing to throw away my checklist of what freedom should be?

And if you already know what freedom is, then why do you need a teacher?

So these are the tricks of the mind or the resistances which can come. The truth is much simpler than that. Always available, just present. And yet more magnificent and more glorious than any mind can picture; than any imagination can get to. And that is why, like my Master says ‘No one who has discovered this truth about themselves says I would rather go back and just be a person’. No one.

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From Afternoon satsang of 14th October 2015
Silent Retreat with Ananta in Tiruvannamalai

[Some sangha who have been in online satsangs for nearly two years have been showing up in Bangalore today and over the last couple of days (to join Ananta and the Bangalore sangha who show up in person for the Mon-Fri satsangs online). The first few minutes of today’s online satsang was full of welcoming, hugs, and about 20 minutes of totally joyous giggles & laughter].

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It’s completely possible that a few minutes ago some of us here in this room now might have felt that we still had some problem. [Laughter] And now, where is it?

The truth is that there is no such thing as a problem. There are appearances. And the expectation that some appearance should stop, or some appearance should come, this is pure suffering.

Just What IS …, just IS.

Right now so much joy, so much laughter, so much love…, but this too shall pass.

This too shall pass.

And then something else can come; some grief can come, anger can come. And that too shall pass. So as long as we are attached to something that is passing then that will be cause for suffering. It’s only silly-ness; silly-ness to attach to something which we know is going to go.

This doesn’t mean that we don’t enjoy while joy is here. Full enjoyment is possible. But to say that ‘It should always be like this’…

And suppose it was always like this? If for 24 hours it should go like this, by tomorrow you would all want to leave. Enough!

That’s why I say that ‘God knows the precise recipe every night, and He’s cooking everything properly’.

[Silence]

Did I just rain on our parade?

[Big laughter]

Often times I say that ‘If you want to see God pretending to be a person then believe your next thought’. This is the way in which God is pretending to play this game. Just like children playing ‘doctor-doctor’, God is playing the game of ‘person-person’. And God is completely safe in this game. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing can happen to God. But for the person, it can seem like there is some action, there is some adventure, there is some danger, there is some sorrow, there is some joy; there is bondage, there is liberation. So no matter what happens in this life, You remain un-threatened, un-hurt.

You are not even suffering, this is just the pretense. Sometimes it might feel like an attack when I say that, because we value our emotions, we value our thoughts; basically because we value our identity. But you are nothing here; nothing. Nothing is being experienced personally. Nothing is a personal experience. This is not to say that experiences are not arising; it is only to say that there is no personal experiencer. It is the One Being which is the experiencer of all of this. So if you don’t add it to our story, if you don’t say ‘Why does this happen to me? When will it stop? Where am I going from here? When will I be free of this?’…, all is our habit of storification. And what are we saying? ‘I see that there is no person here. I see no person is here But you know, I’m not sure if this will stay tomorrow or not’. Who is speaking that way, if there is no person here?

Many times what we actually mean is that ‘I personally have discovered that there is no person here’. Because it’s habit to give everything personal attributes. Who is concerned about the past? Who is concerned about the future? Who is concerned about this body and the energies that are experienced in this body? Who is concerned about these thoughts? It is only the nobody, the imagined one.

Suchitra said the other day that Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said ‘There never has been an ego’. There never has been an ego. Then when we say that ‘I only see the ego’ what is it that we mean? Is not only another label for nothing? Who can actually see the ego? Who can actually see the person? We can see the body, the body is appearing, but the body is not the ego. We can see the pretense; maybe we can say like that. We can see God pretending to be ‘person’. This we will continue to be able to spot. But truly nobody has ever seen this ego; because it doesn’t exist. And it’s a beautiful divine mystery as to how that which never existed can seem so real, can seem so tangible. The separate ‘I’.

Can we say that ‘I will never seriously believe myself to be this one that I cannot see’?

Or are we willing to go along with the presumption of this, the presumed ‘I’?

Observe where we are using the label ‘I’.

Are we using it for that which is here now?

Or are we using it for something which is just a figment of our imagination?

Q: “Please talk about: how do you know we will come to true and absolute realization?”

Because this is true. And it is taking a lot of effort to pretend to be the false. And it is seen, in this world, that this effort you will give up on. It is impossible that you will not tire of this false. Nobody can say exactly when it will happen; or even when it will happen in this lifetime or next lifetime or a million lifetimes later. But the false cannot last. And don’t get disheartened when I say ‘a million lifetimes later’ because a million lifetimes is nothing for You. For That which is infinite and timeless, is nothing at all.

Q: “No more million times.” [Laughs]

Yes. If you’re done with the play, then you’re done with the play. Then you don’t pick up your next thought. Then ‘over’.

Q: “If it won’t happen in this lifetime, then all feels like DOOM.”

Just now, you are free. Are you okay with this? Now don’t pick up anything else. If you want true and absolute realization, find out right now you are free! Free from all conditioning, past karma, lifetimes, ideas; free, in this moment.

Don’t pick up any idea of freedom also now. No thoughts, no concepts about anything; they can come and go. You are free. It does not matter to You. Are you going to make the choice to pretend again now? And if you make the choice to pretend again now, please say ‘I am continuing to pretend because I want to’. Because after all the pointings, all the sharings that have happened here, we truly don’t have an excuse now. So either we say ‘In this moment, right now, I Am Free. And I am not concerned about past or future’.  When we do decide to pick up something, then we say ‘Yes, I wanted to play with this concept still. I’m not done’.

Nothing is forcing you to pick up belief in a thought which is passing; just like a cloud is passing. And we are saying ‘Oh, there’s a secret message in this for me. This cloud; what is it telling me about my life?’ The thoughts are passing like this. It’s only that we have believed that they mean something that we have this. And even this excuse we don’t have now, because something still pushes our buttons; the certain shape of the cloud still feels relevant to us, we can pull it into our inquiry and say: ‘Who is this? Which identity is touched by this energy form? Is it real, does it exist?’ But you already see that no person exists; so how can there be identity? Is it not the end of suffering if we don’t believe our next thought? And if it is not, somebody please tell me how it is not.

Often all of us say that ‘The problem is that it is too simple’. Why do we say this? Actually what we are speaking about is the simplest thing. Who is aware right now? We cannot deny that awareness is here. Can we deny it?

Without awareness we would not even be able to say that there is nothing; that we’re aware of even nothing. That there is nothing, even that we have to be aware of. Who is aware that there is nothing? Or there is something? And because we have seen that all this change-ful world is constantly changing, we know that this is seen, this is always the case. Therefore we work really hard to delude ourselves. The hard work is not in the true finding; it is to keep the delusion alive.

The only switch, (if at all a switch is needed), is the switch from wanting to mentally understand. ‘I finally figured it out’ is what we want. From that, to just simply seeing right now ‘I am aware’.

Who is this ‘I’?

Does it have size, shape, any form?

And when we say ‘seeing’, (because we use terms which can be phenomenal), it can be confused and say ‘But I don’t see anything. He keeps saying ‘seeing’. I don’t see anything’. That’s why we keep switching between seeing, knowing, being aware. None of these labels can actually do it justice.

Is somebody else aware? You know what I mean? Is it an indirect report that we are getting about all that we are aware of? Or is it clearly seen that ‘I am aware’ directly?

Who is this ‘I’?

Is it separate from awareness itself?

So instead of saying ‘See that you are this awareness now’ I’m going to start saying the reverse. Can you leave it aside? [Laughs] Just like ‘Can you stop Being?’ Just leave awareness aside. Don’t be aware. Separate from it. Separate from it. You be here, let awareness be there. Okay, create just one millimeter distance between you and awareness. Keep it aside just a little distance. [Smiles]

Okay, then you will say ‘But my attention goes here and there’. Okay, let attention go far. Let it go into imagination, let it go into physical phenomena if you like.  And then do you have distance between yourself and awareness?

Of course, we don’t usually say this to everyone; because if you’re new to satsang, it is important to even hear this instruction: ‘Just stay as the awareness’. It’s okay, at some point. Because our habit is to just give so much belief to the content of what is appearing that it seems that I am the content. But there comes a point where all of you must be prodded now to check: ‘Is this effort-ful to be awareness? Or is it what you are?’ Not even effortless, no concept of effort. Just what you are.

The funniest thing is that in this upside down realm, [only] a very rare one reports ‘I’m having trouble being (whatever my name is)’. We never say ‘I’m having trouble being (my name)’ which you can never be actually. In satsang we report that ‘I’m having trouble being the awareness or staying as the awareness’ which you can never leave. You can never leave.

Right now, I am aware.

[Silence]

Who is this ‘I’?

[Silence]

And if you were to stay here now, just in this looking at ‘Who is aware?’ and don’t pick up any understanding, any concept, any story, any expectation, then [there is] no suffering, no trouble of any sort.

Just watch what happens after this. Because [since] the waking state is there, you will find that appearances continue. There are sounds, there are sensations, feelings. There is also this sense that ‘I am. I exist’. And with all of this also, no resistance or suffering is possible. Attention is already operating, freely operating. All these appearances are perceived. This body is experienced. The functioning of the mind is experienced in the form of thoughts, images, memories. All sensations of pain and pleasure are also experienced.

Who is aware of all of this?

What does awareness look like?

Does it have any color, shape or form?

And if it doesn’t have, then how do you know that it exists?

Which eyes can see that which has no shape, no color, no form?

Now, don’t let the mind paint some picture of some abstract world.

Don’t let your imagination play some tricks on you.

Just right now: Who is aware?

Do I really even need to say now, that it is the Awareness which is aware of itself.

Has any story happened to this Awareness?

Is It looking for something?

Has it lost itself?

And if not, then before we believe any stories of finding something, can we find the one who wants it? Because when I look, I see that just this awareness is here. It is not coming or going. I am not separate from it.

And this Awareness has a son called Consciousness; which is also not separate from it because it is One; but it is more the dynamic aspect. Now the son, Consciousness, is playing in this world of time and space and form. And as the play starts, there are many, many billions of forms which appear. Now, through its own magic, Consciousness starts believing that it is one of these forms. And it pretends to be a person. Because it has the power to pretend. Also it has the power to stop pretending. How it pretends is to go with an imagined idea of itself. How it stops pretending is just to see itself for what it is.

Now you, as Consciousness, have this seeming-choice.

That is why this is God’s play.

How are you going to play next? Are you going to quickly pick up the stories and the ideas again? Or are you going to just check what is here, and see that which is coming and going as an appearance, and that ‘I remain untouched through all of this’. What choice is God going to make now? That is the play.

And either is okay ultimately. It’s just in this play some roles get played out. So the role that is getting played out here is just the alarm clock which is saying ‘Don’t go with the person, don’t go with the ideas, don’t go with concepts’.

Every expression in this play is unique. Only God’s will exists. And you are this God. Even if accepting that God is your son is too much, then at least we can come to this point that you are this God.

And God cannot pretend even to being a person without using its power of belief in a thought which is appearing and disappearing. It cannot even pretend to have a problem without using this power of belief.

Even bondage and freedom have no meaning for you. But once you start giving meaning to appearances, then it’s a rabbit hole; then you’re Alice in Wonderland. [Smiles].

You know, sometimes it can seem we are going around in circles, because we start the spiritual journey, and we go around a circle and we say ‘I’m still…, nothing happened’. Then again, ‘Next time, better, run faster, stronger’. Then again, back to the same point.

Any journey cannot bring you to what you already are. Sometimes it appears that this journey is undertaken, but the discovery at the end always is that ‘I have always been this’.

So this process of going from identified Being to unidentified, unassociated Being can happen; the truth of what we are remains unchanged throughout all of this. I feel that’s why it’s very powerful to try and leave yourself. Just try and leave. Leave yourself apart, aside. I know it sounds very silly. [Laughs] But that’s the whole point, you see? That to leave yourself is not possible. And if to leave yourself is not possible, then how can you find yourself?  Therefore the seeming-finding of the self must only be the seeing that ‘I cannot leave it’. It’s always here.

Q: “Guruji, I am here. Always here. Where is God?”

This ‘I Am’ is God.

Q: “Why am I not able to feel Her [God’s] Presence?”

You are. Because you say ‘I am here’. That’s why I say: ‘Can you stop being?’ Here when we refer to God, we are talking about Consciousness. This Being which cannot be stopped is Consciousness, is Presence, is your own Presence. You cannot say ‘I am here’ without first experiencing God.

Q: “But I don’t feel like God. I always feel like there is something missing.”

How does the mind know what God must feel like?

So where is the Being not there?

You say “I always feel like there is something missing’. So there are two possibilities here, one is that you are making a mental inference: ‘But this can’t be it. It’s so simple. This is so regular’. Something like that. Or it could be that some sensation of discomfort or something is coming up and you’re taking that to imply that ‘This means that something is missing’.

As you get closer into the examination of your own Being, your own Presence, (which we undermine because it is always here); if we just stay with this, you find that the entire world of experiencing is happening here. Experiencing is not happening there; outside. It’s happening here. The outside is happening here. Everything is experienced here in this Being. And then you can say that only this Being exists; phenomenally, only this Being exists.

So I say: ‘God is all there is’. Without Being, there is no world. The body is experienced inside this; in the space of this Being.

And some of you have asked that ‘It seems like this Being is constricted by this body’. But just check again and see where the body sensations are arising. We experience the body only as some sensations, and the mind paints a picture of a boundary based on these sensations. But these sensations are born in the infinite spaciousness of Being.

You see that there is nothing outside of this. We have been trying to find This on the outside, but actually everything is inside this ‘I am’…., this one experiencer of all that can be tasted in this realm…, this one light, the light of which this entire dance appears and disappears.

So don’t go with what a thought is saying about this Presence. Don’t go with what a feeling is trying to convey. Stay with your direct Seeing, your direct experience. And to see this itself is freedom enough. But one day, you might say that ‘I witness even this Presence’. Then you can say ‘I am That which is even before ‘I am’.

You say, “God might feel like me feeling whole & complete maybe.”

It’s not about a feeling. When we let this Being remain unassociated, we will find that all feelings are coming in service to this Being; all the Love, Peace, Joy, Contentment. But not the other way around; if we’re still hoping that some state will come, then that itself is personal, you see? Then Being cannot be unassociated.

So this discovery ultimately must be about the discovery of myself, irrespective of which state is coming. And then you will truly not be concerned by states also.

I know it sounds horrible to the mind; but here, if there is never any joy felt after this, there is no concern about it. So if we lose the interpreter which is interpreting everything, saying ‘This should be like this, this should be like that; this is what I know things should be like’ then it’s so much simpler. And to lose the interpreter doesn’t mean that it stops; it only means that we stop listening, we stop believing.

So satsang is just a de-addiction center of belief in thought. [Laughs] It’s just that.

You might make it something very fancy and like this; but the key point, the only trouble is just the belief in these concepts. And we are habituated, we are addicted to the mind.

So satsang gives you that taste of Presence. And with the taste of this Presence, the mind doesn’t seem as tempting as it used to. You find it easier to let it go.

Q: “I am already here. What more can I do?”

Is it Being that is asking this question?

Q: “Because later you said ‘Okay, stop going with the thoughts’. What past that?”

Is ‘What past that?’…, not a thought? This is sticky because something wants to come to some sort of conclusion. It wants some end to.., preferably a glorious end to the story: ‘I was a seeker and then I became free’. But would you be okay if this was it? No more story? If this was the end of your biography? Nothing happened?

All believers are completely disappointed. [Laughs] Because we read the story, and such a good seeking was happening; all of that, and then suddenly everything just stopped. Nothing. Are you okay with this? You must see: What wants something to continue, the story to continue, to know what happens next?’ What is missing now except what our ideas of what freedom should be?

These are the contemplations which are worthy of Sages.”

1. What is Aware of Itself?
2. What is the nature of Consciousness?
3. What wakes up first in the waking state?
4. Is there Awareness in the sleep state?
5. What is the origin of the ego?
6. Who is the doer and experiencer of actions in the phenomenal realm?  Is there any evidence of personal “doership”?

7. Are there levels of Consciousness?
8. What does identification mean? How does it happen?
9. If there is something I can do to become free, what would that be?
10. What is the difference between Awareness, Consciousness and Identity?
11. What is the difference between attention and belief?
12. Who am I?
13. What is the mind?
14. Is there really something called attention, or is the movement of appearances confused to be the movement of attention?

15. Can you find any separation that isn’t an idea believed in?
16. Can you find awareness separate from experience right now?
17. What is really real?

I can never actually believe that something is happening to you. Because I can never act believe that something is happening to me. At best I can believe that you believe that something is happening to you. That I can understand, that you still believe that something is happening to ‘me’.

Sometimes, I feel it is strange because you have looked over and over; all of you have looked over and over, and you find that there is no ‘me’. And yet conditioning sometimes seems so strong that even after seeing clearly ‘there is no me’…, mostly now when it comes in this combination punch, 1-2 combination punch, which is emotion AND thought together, bam, bam; then it gets you; then you’re knocked out. Just the thought, now for most of you is not so strong. Then some sensation comes and the interpretation of that sensation comes, then you say ‘Yes, this is really happening to me’. Still when we check, we find there is no ‘me’.

What does the ‘me’ mean? ‘Me’ means that there’s an entity, there is a definite entity with size and shape and color which all of this is happening to. But when we check, do we find this entity?

We find only the infinite.

And if there is some sensation of finite-ness, that is also seen inside the infinite.

This is your true experience right now. Whatever phenomena is experienced, it is experienced in the infinite space of your Being. This you see right now.

But you don’t find…, many of you don’t find anything special in this because it has always been this way.

The infinite cannot run out of space. Nothing is too big for that which is infinite. In fact you see that all appearances are nothing, smaller than grains of sand, to that which You Are.

And this is the nature of the mind. So there’s a big wall in front of us, it’s painted white, and we make a tiny dot on that wall. And we call someone and say ‘What do you see?’ they will say ‘I see a dot’.

Just like this, when something is appearing it can seem like this is all there is, this dot. We forget to look at the wall. We forget to look at the space in which all of this is coming and going. Is that touched by this? That remains untouched. So this space, this wall, is not phenomena; and yet phenomena can arise within it.

Where is all of this coming and going?

[Silence]

And this space has no complaints. It just Is.

Just be a little vigilant that the mind is not making any visuals out of this. There is an impulse that wants to make a picture out of what is being said. But any visual, any picture takes us away from the direct experience. So don’t try to push the picture away because that will only energize it more. Just bring your inquiry back to where this picture is appearing, or who witnesses even this.

~ ~ ~

Later in Satsang

~ ~ ~

Q: “Frustration…, like attention keeps going to beliefs…”

[Inaudible]

Q: A: It’s just a sensation of some fear, some discomfort.

We can look together. So what is happening? What is the experience right now?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: This is experienced where? These words are tasted where? Your own words are experienced where?

Q: “The mind throws up a lot of visuals.”

A: So, those visuals are also experienced by who?

All that is being experienced is experienced where, in which space?

Now this ‘I’ …, what are the limits of this ‘I’?

What are the boundaries?

Q: “I don’t know what to say.”

A: Just say what you see.

Q:  “In me.”

A: When you say ‘In me’, does this ‘me’ have a boundary?

Q: “Feels like the body.”

A: The body is the boundary; yes, very natural for it to feel that way.

This body is experienced as a set of sensations, isn’t it?
And these sensations seem to define some sort of a boundary for the body.

With me so far?

And this boundary exists in what?

Is the boundary outside you?
Or is the boundary inside?

All these sensations of the body, where are they experienced?

This ‘me’ now, is it constricted by the body?

Or even this body is inside me, experienced inside me?

Now, this ‘me’…, what are the dimensions of this ‘me’?

At least it’s not limited by the body, because you say ‘The body is inside me’.

Now as you keep looking, looking, looking you will find that I cannot define the boundaries of this experiencer.

All sensations might happen.

This Being, which is experiencing all of this, is not constricted by any of this, because everything is inside of it.

What can constrict this?

Don’t wait for any mental confirmation.

Just check directly.

Can you run out of space?

Q: “… because there’s like… [inaudible] so it’s trying to …”

A: Trying to paint a picture or create some visual. It’s okay. Don’t resist it. Just see that this is what it’s doing. It’s enough. So the picture is coming up, and that is also experienced inside you.

All this entirety; all the sounds; everything is experienced here. Outer world, inner world. No different. It’s all here.

This is what I meant when I said that on this big wall which is white in color; if you put a dot, small black dot, the nature of the mind is to say ‘there is a dot here’ and not to pay attention to the space in which this dot is appearing.

So all sensations, all feelings, all thoughts, all words are appearing and disappearing inside This.

We were watching [Mooji satsang online live from Zmar retreat] a little while earlier, and we were looking at one of the questioners, and Guruji was pushing her towards this inquiry / discovery. This question arose here: ‘Why is she just refusing to look?’ It came like this. ‘Why is she just refusing to look?’

Then something came to me; it said that ‘If you met now the one who was living through this body 10 years ago, the spiritual seeker with so much knowledge, what would you tell him?’ If I met the past Ananta from 10 years ago, what would I tell him?

First I would say: ‘All this knowledge which you think is helping you, throw it away’. I was very attached to the knowledge, so I don’t know whether I would have listened. But I would say this: ‘All this knowledge, all the books you’ve read; they’ve done their part. Now just keep them aside. Then all your ideas, all the ideas about being the Shiva devote or a Ram devotee; all of this also, keep it aside. All your practices, your japa, your kriya, your japa, your yoga; just keep it aside. All your concepts about everything. All your aspirations, goals, desires; all the ideas about what kind of seeker you are. All your ideas about who is worthy enough to be your teacher, your Master. All the judgments that you are holding onto, just keep them aside. Everything about what enlightenment, liberation, freedom means, also keep it aside. And just look at what is here right now. Who is looking at what is here right now?’

And then I would hold my hand and say: ‘Whatever answer your mind is giving you is not the right one. Whatever fear is coming up for you truly doesn’t matter. No label can live up to what you are’.

Then I might have said, the seeker would have said: ‘But I don’t feel anything. I’m not feeling anything special’.

It’s not in the feeling. And if there was some insight then, truest insight, then the seeker might come back and say: ‘Yes, I see. I am this awareness, this unmoved witnessing. What should I do so that I don’t lose this seeing?’

Then the Master would say:

You could not lose it if you tried.

What you are cannot be lost.

That which appears and disappears is not you.

That which is coming and going, you are aware of.

Just leave right now. Can you leave? Are you holding onto something to be here? Even if the body is moving, you see that you are still here; unmoved, untouched. Change the position of the witness and show me. Move awareness by one inch to the left. [Smiles].

What do we need to hold onto? We feel it is in trying to control our attention and keeping it somewhere. Not even that it is. Even the movement of attention is also seen. I am aware that attention is moving.

Then the trouble must only be that your mind doesn’t know what to do with this that you are discovering. It can say: ‘So what? Now what?’ Or it can keep saying ‘I haven’t found it. What are you saying?’

Who sees this mind?

Where do you start and where do you end?

[Silence]

Are you done playing with your mind? Are you really done playing with your mind? And if you’re not done playing, then let’s just say ‘I’m not done yet’. Although it might sound as if I’m in a rush or something; but if you’re not done playing, I’m in no rush to pull you back home. It’s just when you say ‘I’m done playing’ and you still keep playing with your mind, that is when I say ‘Look at what you are doing’.

There’s a story in Yoga Vasistha. The simple version of that is basically that there is a Being that picks up a hammer and he hits himself on the head and says ‘I’m in so much pain. I’m suffering so much’.  Keep the hammer down. This one, this hammer, keep it down. He says ‘Okay, I’m trying, trying’. [Laughs]

This is all that is happening. We keep picking up that which we are suffering from. Because there is still a temptation to play; still a temptation to give meaning to identity, still a temptation toward special-ness, still this temptation to find something, to become something.

There are some Āyurveda teachers in India, especially in the small [villages?]. You go to them and they just take out the same syringe, whatever the ailment is; the same bottle they open.

So we also have one special medicine like this. Whatever you say you’re suffering from relies on your belief. WHATEVER…, it relies on your belief. One medicine for everything.

So then either we can become like the allopathic doctors and say ‘Okay. What is the special variety of your suffering? Is it relationship? Okay. Now for relationship, you know what you must do, you must become more accepting, you should love each other, you should give each other space. And then, what is your special variety? Oh, money? Money? Okay. Don’t be so quick to spend. Ask yourself ‘do you really need that which you are spending on?’ Then someone else can say body. Body. Get in shape, go to the gym, do some yoga’. And we can have many variations of all of these things. For each thing we can have a special medicine; for guilt, fear, we can have some other medicine for all varieties of suffering.

So just like this, if you want be done with this play, right now; not interested in which variety of suffering and what is happening to you and what could happen in the future, then very simply, whatever the mind could be saying, no matter how true it sounds, how humble, how spiritual,  how unique, how remarkable…, it might be dressed in all of these fancy clothes; just don’t give it your belief.

There is no identity without belief. There is no resistance without belief. It is the same as saying there is no ego without belief.

And when the pretend-identity is not there, then what remains? When the clouds of this imagination are cleared up, then you see: I am still here. ‘I’ remains. And this ‘I’ is not suffering. Suffering means resistance.

You know, one of the ways in which this special-ness thing works is that you want your own unique brand of freedom. ‘Guruji [Mooji] says this; Ananta says: Don’t believe your next thought; what am I going to say? What is my special technique? Do I just want to be another ‘me, too’ follower?’ Sometimes it can happen like this also. I’m making it simplistic, but this feeling that ‘Yes, yes. I’ve come to now the final floor of this building, now I just need to get to the terrace. Now at least I can leave my Father’s hand and feel a little independent so I can feel good, that I did it’.

It’s a load of rubbish. It is the ‘same guy’ who is acting up and playing a trick on you. And this, by no means, mean that all of us must have the same expression and say the same thing. I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that we must observe this tendency to look for something else.

Now we find this medicine that can do ALL of this. Whatever the special variety of ailment I might claim to have cannot survive our disbelief in the next thought. It cannot survive.

And yet we are looking for something, something, somewhere. And so many of these pointers you have come across already. ‘Who am I?’ Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said ‘Who am I?’ It is enough. Just with a little openness to ask ‘Who am I?’ is enough. Guruji [Mooji] says ‘Can the perceiver be perceived?’ He calls it his piranha question’.

It is made of all that is false.  It is enough just to contemplate this.

I say: Don’t believe your next thought and you are free right now. In fact don’t believe your next thought and just see that you are free.

And yet, what do we do? We present a thought. That’s why I say: ‘Then let’s admit that we are playing’. Because we have no excuse to be deluded. Just let’s admit that we are playing.

I get many messages actually which ask: ‘Ananta, can you tell me when I will be free?’ [Laughs] Mostly from those who have not been in satsang; the first time they come across a video or something like this. And what to tell them?

When will we be free from the concept of freedom? Seems like this has now become the favorite concept for many of us. We say: ‘Money we don’t want, nothing else; relationship I don’t want, I don’t care about the body. But freedom, I want’.

And in the same way that we realize that the other concepts hold no meaning in truth, in reality, the same way we will realize that the concept of freedom is meaningless for the truth. Because we would all be in big trouble if the truth could become bound. Who can bind God? Who has put God in prison? And if something can put God in prison, then we must pray to that one [Laughs] because that must be the all-powerful.

And then the question can come: ‘But you’re talking about God and I’m talking about me’. This is the root of separation. There is no such thing as ‘God and me’. This separation never happened. But then what happens? You say: ‘This is what I think. I think it happened in my case’ or ‘This is what I feel. It still feels like I am separate. I am not God’.

And I say as long as we will rely on this indirect evidence, on thinking and feeling, then we cannot see the truth. How can the voice which is the idea of separation itself…, how can that voice speak about oneness?

Therefore to expect that the mind will confirm my freedom is a very big trap. Because even when it does, it is only to set this trap so that tomorrow it can say ‘But you were free yesterday; not today’.

Just look and see how many of us are still waiting for this mental confirmation. I sit here every day; every day I sit and say: ‘You are free right now. You are free right now’.

The mind says ‘No, no, not yet, something has to happen’. Even it says ‘I have to become like him, then I will call myself free’.

I am saying there is no difference, there is no distance, there is no separation. And there is no need to call yourself ‘free’ in the first place.

Just this Now Here is what it is.

The mind says that it is the one which has the story which is here now. But I don’t see that now. If you want freedom for a non-existent entity, no power in the world can give it to you. And if you want the truth to be bound, no power in the world can do it.

Therefore Bhagavan’s [Ramana Maharshi’s] question ‘Who am I?’ cuts through all of this. And directly, right now, we find: ‘I am here’.

And it’s okay to say: ‘I don’t know as what’. But that I exist now, this cannot be denied. This ‘I’ which exists in spite of the movement of time, in spite of every cell in this body changing many times over; not a single atom of this body is the same as it was when the body was born.

But what has stayed?
What has remained constant?

You already know that this is your body.
Who is this one that is the owner of this body?

Even keep it simple like this; and leave the insight that ‘The entire universe is your body’…, leave it for later. Keep it for now very simple.

They say ‘In my body now every cell has changed’ so who is the ‘I’ who has remained?

It’s like a ship is docked in the shipyard, and one by one every part has been changed. Every part has been changed; one by one this change happened. Is it the old ship? Or is it new? Or both?

Who hears the sounds of the world?
Who experiences the sensations of this body?
Who perceives thoughts?

What wakes up when I wake up? What goes to sleep?

Every day this happens. There is something that wakes up and something that goes to sleep; our living experience. Is it not worthy of our investigation? I was asleep and now I’m awake.
What changed?

Every single experience belongs to who?

Stop believing the interpretations. In this moment, you are free; independent of what thoughts might be coming, what sensations might be experienced; independent of our financial situation, our work situation, our relationship situation.

Right now, You just Are.
You are present.
This is the only Presence.

All our resistance only means we refuse to look at What Is.
The seeming-journey has only been this refusal.

The belief that the voice of separation is meaningful, useful, indispensable; this belief makes this entire Self-discovery seem like a journey, because it is this belief which is dissolving. And it can completely dissolve if you let it.

Maybe somewhere we are afraid to look stupid: ‘This voice that I believed for so long, if I say today that it’s completely meaningless, then how silly must I have been to have been deluded by this voice for so long?’ This fear of being wrong is a deep-rooted fear. But we have been wrong to trust this voice as ‘Me’.

The Self does not need a voice to talk to Itself; God does not need a voice to communicate with Himself. To give meaning to this voice has only been to play this game. Stop defending your mind. Don’t be so quick to come to its defense.

Shine your light on your own attachment to the person, to yourself as a person. Shine your light on your attachment to your story. Shine your light on your habit to run to the past, on your habit to expect a future instead of experiencing your Presence, which is right now. Shine your light on your habit. Claim victory. And [shine your light on] the habit that says ‘I failed again’.

May you give no meaning to all these ideas now.
May your house only be for God.
May there be no room for ‘the imagined one’.
May you enjoy your living Presence,
And move away from this imagined ‘nothing’.
May the Satguru’s grace make you story-less.
May it make your past nothing, and your future nothing,
So that you may now discover that which has always been.
May you always see with your true eyes,
Not through the window of identity.
May you now be beyond all imagined darkness.
May you be the Light of the universe.
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Now the story might call to you again, but you leave it be.

Life is without any mental meaning.

Life does not need any mental interpretation.

Life does not need any mental understanding.

And I am that primal Seeing which sees life,

that primal Seeing which is untouched even by life.

What can happen in this life that can have meaning for Me?

I am that in which life takes life.

What is here that can be a companion to the eternal ‘I’?

How can I get attached to that which is just no longer than a blink?

I am that in which time is born.

What can time give to Me?

I am that in which space is born.

I need no space.

I am that which gives life to life.

I am that which death cannot kill.

All of these are My toys.

Life and death; time and space.

And I am here now.

No name you can give to me.

Yet I am That from which all names and forms come.

Neither awake nor asleep.

Not free or bound.

I am not part of this universe.

And yet, this universe is not apart from me.

You can never find Me in an appearance.

I do not appear nor disappear.

You cannot find Me with knowledge,

because I cannot be known.

No practice or effort can bring us closer.

Because there is no distance between us.

You cannot find Me with anything that you do.

Because I am That which you already Are.

[Deep silence]

More and more we’ve just been looking very directly into this ‘I’. This ‘I’. What is at the core of this ‘I’? And if all the satsang you have heard has brought you to this point where you’re open to just looking at this ‘I’ without getting shaken up with all the resistance which comes naturally when this looking first starts.

Who am I?

And some of you will feel frustrated or angry with yourselves if it is still ‘I don’t know who I am’. But this ‘I don’t know’ is music to my ears. Because as I often say, it is the moving from the ‘I know I am a person’ to coming to this ‘I don’t know’ which seems to be the more troublesome aspect of this seeming journey. Because already when you’re saying ‘I don’t know’ what are you saying? You’re saying that you know that ‘I can’t just be this idea; I can’t just be an idea’. So already the person is losing; person idea is lost.

Don’t be scared of the ‘I don’t know’. And don’t replace this ‘I don’t know’ with another concept. Stay with this pure ‘not knowing’ and don’t be in a rush to call yourself ‘Awareness’ or ‘Presence’ or anything. Wait for the seeing to unfold. Stay in the not knowing. Watch the struggle for words, as it comes initially. And find that ‘Can I really say Awareness? Can I really say Consciousness? Can I say Presence?’ And you will find that, at best, you can use them as pointers. So in strong satsang, very quickly, if you’re open, you can come to this space of not knowing who I am.

Many saints and sages have just remained here; just at the ‘I don’t know’.  There’s a great sage called [inaudible] who just said ‘I don’t know who I am. I’m not this, not this, not this’. Just in the simple ‘not knowing’ all personal identity gets resolved.

And some of us will find this ‘I don’t know’ very uncomfortable; and to try to put an end to this discomfort, quickly want to replace it with another concept and say “I am God’ or ‘I am Awareness’. If it remains just this concept, it’s not helpful. In fact it is more of a heavy egoic burden to carry. All spiritual knowledge is a big burden. Can you see it? Because what happens? When something happens in life that seems strong, we say ‘But I should be beyond this by now. I know the truth. I am God’. Or if some anger comes, then ‘How can I still be angry; that means I’m not free’. So much guilt, so much burden through the spiritual ego; it has to go. The ‘I don’t know’ is not simple, although it will feel a little uncomfortable.

Throw away all your concepts about the truth; all our spiritual frameworks and diagrams and our comparative notes. The more you carry them, the more stale they become. Not a single concept is needed to see the truth.

Who am I?

[Silence]

What is the direct experience?

Some of us say that ‘I’m tired of spirituality; so tired of spirituality’. And I say ‘You’re not tired enough’. Become completely tired of this conceptual spirituality, and just stay with what is here now.

No mental knowing is needed. No IQ, no intellect, is needed here. The only requirement is some openness. But this openness you cannot create. So there’s no point beating yourself saying ‘I’m not open enough, I’m not open enough’. Every time you say ‘I’m not open enough’ you’re closing more. Throw away all of this ‘I’m not worthy, I’m not open, I’m not free, I am free. I know something, I don’t know something. I’ve reached till this point. I get stuck over here. I know everything that there is to be known’. All of these are just ideas.

You are not bound.

You never were.

[Silence]

Not a single idea of freedom you must hold on to.

[Silence]

Not a single idea about anything.

[Silence]

Satsang, devotion, inquiry; they’re all just loosening the ideas that you are holding onto.

There’s a feeling here to get everyone used to not believing their next thought. [Laughter] Because I feel somewhere we are thinking too much about this. Now I have you captive. [Laughter] And soon the numbers might start to dwindle but that’s okay. But as long as I have this captive audience then together we can see what it really means; and whether freedom is not experienced as we keep not believing the next thought.  So my feeling is at least for the next few days, (and maybe forever, I don’t know), we start like this where we sit in silence for some time and we’re just not believing the next thought.

Don’t make another version of this thing. Because very quickly it will happen that you say ‘Yes, yes, yes; first few minutes is silence. But my preference for the silence is I want to chant my mantra, I want to do something else’. You see just see how simple this is? Once you get used to the simplicity of this, then it will become your natural state. The sahaja state of allowing everything to come and go. The natural non-resistance without the reliance on any tool. Because ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ is actually not a practice at all. It can seem like that initially, but it’s not a practice at all. It is just a pointer to our natural state of not believing this separate mind; this voice of separation.

So just like this we allow everything to come.

Allow all thoughts, all interpretations also to come.

Come to this effortless state.

Allow the next thought to appear.

Observe how it is in giving it our belief.

Making it an identity; this is effort.

Letting it go is not effort. It’s the effortless.

[Silence]

Just for now, we are just letting all thoughts come and go.

[Silence]

Notice how it is not the sensation or the emotion which is the problem.

Without labelling the sensation as fear, the sensation in itself is just an energy.

It is nothing.

[Silence]

Notice how without believing these thoughts, you remain unconcerned and untroubled.

See for yourself how natural this is.

[Silence]

Use today as an opportunity to see that somewhere we are attached to our problems; we are attached to our stories, because we have believed that it is these stories which give meaning to our life. In reality these stories are completely meaningless. And true meaning emerges as we let them go.

[Silence]

For some of you it’s feeling like the mind is attacking. Don’t defend anything at all. Let it jump around alone in the battlefield. And some of you are feeling this is very serious. It is not serious business at all. Some of you are fast asleep; we can’t do anything about that [Laughter]. This is also good.

We are now watching the movie without the subtitles. Too much attention has gone into the subtitles; the narration of the movie. Because we have been fearful that we will not understand life. Now we are moving away from understanding life or controlling life to being life.

Taste this moment without labelling anything as sweet or bitter.

You are here. I am here. As One.

[Silence]

Our only problem right now is that we have no problems.

The sense of boredom, the sense of being bored can be felt. Allow it to burn. If you allow it to burn, then great love will reveal itself. But if there is a sense that ‘I must fix it, I must not be bored’ then this can become that which would be the gateway to love, or could become a big gateway to misery. This seemingly innocent sense of boredom is the cause of a lot of identification. It’s the fertile ground for identification, addiction, all kinds of tendencies. Therefore in satsang, when it comes, you let it be. And as it burns, great love will reveal itself.

[Silence]

May the light of your Presence bring all Beings to Truth.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Before any word can be said, before the pointing: You Are.

[Silence]

You’re already very familiar with yourself. More than intimate, more than close. It’s only that our definition about ourselves has been misplaced. It’s only a definition problem. You can call it definition, you can call it identity; but basically it’s just an idea, the idea of separation, the idea of separateness.

So even before I say ‘Don’t refer to the mind’ there is a You, there is an ‘I’ that can refer to the mind. Who is this one?

You are here. You are present. And this is all there is.

And when it is said ‘this is all there is’, notice that there is content that is appearing and disappearing, but also there is an ‘I’ which remains, in spite of the appearance and disappearance of content.

Only because the habit has been to try and find everything in the realm of content, that’s why it seems so troublesome that ‘I cannot find myself’. What else is here besides the content? Who is the content appearing to? It is that obvious; that obvious.

It takes no effort to see that all of this is appearing to Me. Who is this Me?

Is it not just this Witnessing which has always been here?

Is there anything besides this content, and awareness of it?

Don’t go on any mental adventures right now. Because very quickly the mind will try to become smart and say ‘Yes, but even appearance is part of awareness, isn’t it?’ Forget all that for some time.

Just stay with this. There is the awareness of everything that is appearing and disappearing.

Now, is this awareness having to work at being Awareness, or is it just present naturally, before, during, in all content? Isn’t awareness just here?

[Silence]

Now the mind will say ‘My only difficulty is that I don’t see myself as this Awareness’. But this is not true. I cannot step away from this Awareness; I cannot separate myself from This.

You are completely aware of this right now. Even when the mind is screaming ‘No, no, no’ you are aware of it. And you know that ‘I am aware of it. I know I am aware. I know there is no separation between ‘I’ and Awareness’.

Who can understand this? Nobody.

Who can see this right now? Everyone.

There is all of this content which originates and is experienced by my own Being. I am aware of all of this, including the Presence of my own Being. Therefore we can say it is one world of appearance which is appearing.

There is only Awareness and the appearance of this appearance.

Can I be that which is just appearing and disappearing?

Or am I That in which this appearance is appearing?

No straining is required. I see that so many of you are needlessly trying to make some mental effort.

It is simple. All that is appearing is appearing to Me, to this ‘I’.

You know this already.

You see this now.

This Awareness is not interested, it is not disinterested, it has no states, it is not changing, it has no taste, it has no color, and therefore completely out of the reach of our mind.

It is That Which Sees the appearance of the mind; that which sees that mind is here and that which sees that no mind is here; both.

[Silence]

What is the struggle about? It is only that we have a mental concept of how it should be. But in a fight between ‘how it should be’ and ‘how it is’…, it is always ‘how it is’ that wins. Give up this fight.

Leave all ‘should, should not, seems, feels, thinks’…, leave all of this aside.

What remains here effortlessly?

[Silence]

May this inquiry be joyful for you.

May it be natural, may it be a play.