BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

So now it’s so simple that we cannot suffer without listening to or believing this thought, this mind. You see? As simple as that. But why do we continue to sometimes? Because there might still be a sense that something meaningful might come from here. When we check right now, we say ‘Yes, it’s all rubbish’. Like Guruji says, ‘99% rubbish and the other 1% also rubbish’. So when we check about the past we are able to say ‘Yes, it’s clear. I’m not going to pick it up’.

But somewhere, there some sense that maybe one day it will have something meaningful to tell me, this mind. But it has nothing ever meaningful to tell about the real You. Because it cannot fathom the reality that You are. And that which it cannot fathom, how can it say anything about that? How can it help that, which is prior to all of this? That which is before time and space. Before Being also. How can the mind, (which is just another object in the Beingness), how can that have any conclusions to say about You?

So as long as there is a sense that ‘I might still be a person. You know, this might all be some sort of brainwashing or something’ then it can seem like ‘I better hedge my bets. A little bit satsang, a little bit mind; just in case either is wrong’. [Laughs]

But there comes a point where we completely we run out of moves, as far as the person is concerned or as far as the mind is concerned. There is nothing for us to really give meaning to from the mind. ‘I’m just done with this game, done with this playing. I cannot find the One that the mind is referring to anyway. So let me now let go and see what happens’. And initially the mind can again give you some fears: ‘What about your life, why can’t you do both?’ These kind of things it will tell you. ‘What’s going to happen? You’re going to make a mess out of your life’.

But no one who has realized the Self has gone and said ‘Oh I made such a mistake, I messed up my life’. No one. That’s great encouragement, isn’t it? [Laughter] Even if there was one who said ‘I want to give this realization of what I am back, and I’d rather go with the mind and purse my worldly endeavors’ then we could say okay, statistically at least there is one. But not one we have found. Because no one has truly discovered what they are has said ‘Okay, I want to go back to handing power back to the mind’.

So in this is a lot of encouragement for us. Because I know a lot of the mind’s fears can come. ‘Just what if? What if he’s wrong?’ [Laughs] ‘What if he’s wrong?’ So more and more as we are in Satsang then, there is a development of trust. Because we try out what’s been said and see that it works. We find more peace, more space in our lives. And then more and more, this trust is there.

For the ego, for the person, satsang is the most destructive process ever. So you know, it can be that it has these accompaniments of love, peace and joy, but for the person, it is the most destructive process. That’s why we have so many tantrums, we have so many things that happen, this back and forth.

Because it is destroying everything that we’ve held onto. Nothing we can rely on. All these thoughts we   invested in, all these identities, all of this, it doesn’t have any value. And this valuelessness of our prior investments starts to bother this mind. And it says ‘What is this? Why can’t I be a person and be free? Why can’t I be a free person?’

Not possible. Because you can never become a person in the first place. And by definition it is an unstable construct, just made up of a bundle of thoughts, a set of beliefs that we have carried. ‘I am like this, I am an honest person, I’m a great person, I’m a happy person’. All of these are just ideas. Who is it at the core of them? Nothing.

So as long as there is some reliance…, ‘I’m a spiritual person’ for example is a very popular construct. And then those who are spiritual then have these other points of suffering. ‘I’m such a God loving person, God fearing person, why do I suffer? Why does God do bad things to good people?’ All of these things I have heard.

So, then eventually we come to this understanding that no matter what kind of person I believe myself to be is not the end of suffering. The end of suffering is only the realization that there is no person. And This that is prior to all phenomena, this Awareness, is what I Am.

And this is not changing. Stable, more than the word stable can convey. This is that stable. It’s not changing. Anything might be happening in the waking state, any phenomena might be coming and going, but this witnessing of it is untouched, unmoved, unchanged. And you cannot step away from it. This is what you are (I’ve been saying this often): Whether you like it or not, this is what you are.

It is in the power of our pretense, in the power of our belief, you see? What a magnificent, actually, power this must be. The power of belief, which can convince that which is no thing, that which is eternal, immortal, unchanging; can convince that, or actually the dynamic aspect of that, the Being aspect of that, tries to convince that, that you are just this, just this (pointing to body). Just this and a set of ideas. The body-mind complex, as it is called.

So the Being which is pure, unassociated Being, which is as pure Awareness itself, somehow has created this power for itself to get deluded. Who else could have done such a thing? Only God could create this maya also, isn’t it?  There is no other, or strong enough.

There comes a point where we are done with the play. And that’s why, I have started asking this question, which is: Are you done with the play or not? Because otherwise we can have the same conversation over and over and over again. But actually what you are saying then is ‘I want to play also and I want to be free also’. I would rather you just say: ‘Be done with the play. Be clear that I’m done with the play’.

And then there are some aspects which are still held onto, some strong identities, those we can look at. But if you still feel that ‘I still want to be a person. I enjoy it’ and this is just like some sort of comfort blanket or safety net or something, then we go over and over the same thing. But those who say ‘No, I’m not interested in anything that might come in the play. Any content might appear. I might be a beggar on the streets or a king in the palace. This body might be the fittest one or it might be just going into the dust’. You see?

So with this sense, if you come to satsang and are not worried about phenomenal appearances at all, then what happens? All that is personal, all that is domestic, all that is kept aside. And we are clearly just seeing what is prior to all of this.

Who was I before I woke up this morning? Did I have an identity in my sleep state? So these are very beautiful, to me, contemplations to look at. And everybody enjoys their sleep, at least they report after they wake up. Because at some point, we get tired of this phenomenal experiencing. Like Papaji used to say, you could be in the arms of your beloved on your wedding night. But when sleep comes, when you’re done with the experience, you just say ‘Yes, done. Done for today. Let’s go to sleep’.

So there comes a point that the most blissful experiences could be in front of us, but there is a limit to how much we can enjoy them. And very quickly the mind will come with this fear. The fear that ‘Will the play stop? I don’t want the play to stop. I like my family and I like my worldly attachments’.

And it is usually seen that very naturally the play continues. Without it becoming an expectation of it going a certain way, the play very naturally continues. Because that which is playing all these roles can continue to play the roles if it likes to.

Only the sense of control, that ‘I must control the way this life is going’ dissolves. You see? And that is a very freeing sense. Cause every moment is then experienced so beautifully, because we are not projecting where we want this life to be.

It is just like we are watching a move and saying ‘I hope the next scene is like this, I hope the next scene is like this’. Such a troublesome way of watching a movie. Just watch, we’re just watching. It’s so beautiful. The script writer, the director, the projector, the screen; all is one Consciousness. The entire movie is playing, in your own screen of Being, on your own screen of Consciousness. Everything is appearing and disappearing and you are the eternal witness of this.

And when this is said, something knows that this is true, isn’t it? It knows that these words are resonating with what is here.

Because otherwise for the mind it’s completely radical. But when these words are said that ‘You are the eternal one’ then I don’t feel there is anyone here where something will not ring true when this is heard.

Something knows this very clearly, that this One is a prior intuitive sense, which knows the reality of what I Am. Because the mind cannot grasp eternity. You see?

So this One: What is here prior to mind? What is here prior to Being? You are aware of your Presence. What is here that is aware of Presence?

[Silence]

This is the Self. Unmoved, untouched through any state.

[Silence]

So once it is kept aside, this mind, just allowing Being to be, without any sense of grasping or control,  just Being, then this simple truth of who we are, it’s so apparent, isn’t it? It’s only when we try to label it, only when you try to make a conclusion about it, like ‘What have I found, what have I found?’ If you quickly go to that, then again it is giving it to the mind.

There is nothing you have found, you have always been This. So the discovery is that I have always been This. It is not a discovery of a new one. So we have unraveled this in some way. And we have seen the core of this delusion of personhood is only…, firstly, the Presence of this voice which tries to convince us that ‘I am a person’. And more importantly, the belief in this voice that we give. Then we will find that all of this…., this voice is allowed to continue, this world is allowed to continue and Being is allowed to just be.

I Am That which is the eternal, pure, innocent witnessing of all of this. And this is our experience right now. Don’t try to grasp at it.

Don’t try to come to this point, this is where you’re starting from. This is your starting point. If the mind is still painting a picture saying that ‘You have to get to where he’s pointing’ then it is again tricking. This is the starting point.

So the movement, if you want to look at it as a movement, is an inward one, not a forward one. And the grace of satsang, the presence of satsang has given us the spiritual muscles now (when we say ‘just keep the mind aside’) even to follow [what is said here]. If you were to speak to anyone who has not been in satsang and say ‘Keep the mind aside’ [then they would say] ‘But no, how can I? It’s so strong. The mind is so strong’.

But now having been in satsang more and more, don’t feel as much that the mind is so strong. We have unraveled that also. What do we find so strong? That which is our strongest identity. And in spiritual circles, the seeker identity can also be the strongest one. The ‘I’ve made it, you have not made it’. All of this. So this can be. Then when we explore ‘who is this one who made it?’ there is nobody here in that way.

So, because you brought up the topic, I want to speak about sex also for little bit. Because this is one topic which is like a mine field; or it’s a ‘mind field’ actually [Laughs]. Because it becomes like…, the mind cannot leave it to be natural, it cannot just leave it to be natural. It has to attach either shame to it or specialness to it. And I have said this before also. So like this. About sex, it’s all always judgement, confusion. And it’s either shameful or special.

And I have said like this, that  if you look at the world also, this phenomenal world, you will see that there are various cultures in which it is just completely said to be shameful; and there are other cultures which are just culturally all about sex, like the specialness comes about this. And you will find both of these cultures so predominant in this world. But you will hardly find some cultures which is neutral about it. So as you come to this, just being neutral, like about hunger for many of us. Many of us have hunger related issues also but most of us are neutral about it.

The same way we are neutral about hunger we be neutral about sex as well. It’s just a normal part of functioning. Nothing shameful or special.

Q:  I just believe that…, because you know, hunger is personal desire and is jut something which is felt in the body ultimately. But the fact is that…, (and this is something which I feel and it could be completely wrong, that’s why I am putting it out there)…, sexual energy generally is required expression either through a partner or some sort of demonstration. I mean there is some demonstration that it requires on itself to be completed. And the fact that you put it out. And when the demonstration is there and is being judged by the partner or it is being judged by a person that you probably put it out for ultimately. So it is…, so that’s what creates that identity, creates that judgement and creates that shame and puts that gratification, all of it out there. I understand what you said. That’s just how it is seen.

A: So it can be that. This is what the mind does for everything, but about sex it does it even full-throttle. So it takes on something which is very natural, (it’s not something that was invented by this generation anyways, isn’t it?), it takes on something which has been completely around for as long as the world has been around. And it says…, it builds all kinds of rituals around it. Like you said it’s about demonstrating and performance and all these kind of weird things around it. And then builds all kinds anxieties about it.

And it’s the same, it’s just this. It just takes something which is so basic and natural at the core and then builds so many layers of confusion on top of it and so many layers of identity on top of it that it can just be over-riding. It can be something which occupies a lot of time and energy for many people.

But as we are losing all of the layers of the identity about it, all the layers of the doership about it, then we find that this, like everything else, functions in its own natural way.

Let’s do something radical today. [Laughs] Because I keep saying that ‘I am saying that you are free now; you are free now’. So what if we don’t close satsang today unless everyone who attends sees that they are free? It could be very short. [Laughs] And it doesn’t matter whether you have been in satsang for a long time, a short time, because you are free now.

So for this satsang to continue then, we have to presume that someone is not free. Who is here that is not free? Like I said, a very short satsang. [Laughs] Because when I say that we won’t end until everybody is free, then it might seem like ‘Oh it is gonna take a while’. But when I ask ‘Who is not free right now?’ then you have to start inventing reasons. Without inventing a reason, can you show me how you are not free? Without working your mind coming up with a reason, some explanations for why you would be not free, then can you tell me how?

Just in your own most natural state. Without coming up with some mental reasoning, can we find this one who needs to become free now? Without going with any mental reasoning, can we find this one that needs to become free?

And the mental reasoning, I will tell you what the mind could be saying: ‘Yes, now I see, but it’s not stable’. But it is stable; only this mind saying it’s not stable. Or it could say ‘But I still become angry’. Everyone still becomes still angry, even the sages still become angry.

What are the mental reasonings. Who else has? I don’t share like this, but everybody shares differently.

So what is it that is convincing us to still remain as the seeker? And mostly it is the sense that ‘I am not stable in the abidance of the truth’. Like we were saying the other day; the sense that ‘I am not stable in the abidance of the truth’. But actually you are stable in the abidance of the truth. The only thing is that pretending sometimes still remains as a habit.

The stability of the truth. The truth would be valueless if it was unstable. Would someone be interested in a truth which is not stable? Why would you want it? If it is coming and going, why would I want such a truth? Therefore by definition, truth must be that which is not coming and going. It is stable. So it is not that we need to stabilize in the truth. The truth is ever stable.

And it is not about attention also. It is not that we have to come to this place where my attention is always only (like we were saying) in Awareness. That is not the function of attention. Attention is already on the leash, it cannot leave Awareness. One end is already tied to Awareness; it cannot leave it. Can it leave Awareness and go somewhere? It cannot. It is, always. Who is it reporting it to? It is reporting back to Awareness through your Beingness, so it is not leaving Awareness.

So how long will we continue to believe the story that we are not free? Can we find some evidence of this bondage right now?

What can happen? A thought can come, but that is seen. An emotion can come and that is seen. How is the Seeing touched by that which comes and goes?

Because our habit is to go with the content of what is appearing. We don’t pay enough attention or we don’t just simply witness: ‘Who is it appearing to?’ And right now we can check this: Who is any of this content appearing to?

What do I mean by content? I mean the appearance; that which is coming and going.

Is the witnessing of the content also coming and going? The witnessing is stable. Even when there is no content, you are able to say that there is no content; in sleep state or ‘I fell unconscious and there was nothing there, it was just black’. Even that, You have to remain to witness.

So you are completely steady in this. This is your natural state.

So what else is it that we want?

So many times we hear things like ‘Drop the search’. What do we mean? Basically it means ‘Drop the struggle’. There really is no need to struggle now. All the pointings which you need are here. All the Grace which you need is here. All the presence which you need is here. So this struggle has become a habit; this sense of something which is this frustrating sort of energy and we feel like we just carry it around.

This seeking by itself without the sense of struggle is a beautiful contemplation into the nature of the reality. So it is not the seeking in itself which is trouble, because here also there are various contemplations which continue still. That is very beautiful.

The sense that ‘I am incomplete, I need something and then I’ll be done’, that is what is meant by drop the seeking. Not that we stop contemplating, now we’ve reached… (although that’s another example…), ‘but now that we’ve reached the top of the mountain there’s nothing else.’ You see? That makes us very closed.

So one of my prayers always, as many of you know, is that if I’m wrong about something may I be proved correct, even now. May life show it to me. And if I’m not listening, let it slap it into me. You see? Because this arrogance of the spiritual ego should never be let in. And that creates a lot of trouble.

So this struggle is really not needed now. Once you say that ‘I found my teacher, I found my master’, then it’s his struggle, his problem. How is it yours? This is how it is different from school. How is the guru/disciple relationship different from a typical teacher/student relationship? It is that the guru takes responsibility. All he asks of you is that you continue to come to Satsang. And come with a little bit of whatever reserves of attention you feel you have. Because many times it can be ‘He said come to Satsang’ (you’re not actually ‘in’ Satsang).

So just whatever sense of little bit of control you feel you have, just bring that attention into Satsang. The rest is his (or her) problem. So this is the difference. Whereas in school, you could go and the teacher doesn’t say, ‘I take complete responsibility.’ We go to many PTA’s so I’ve heard this unfortunately. [Ananta laughing] But here I’m saying, ‘It’s my problem.’ There is no need for any of you to struggle. It’s just a bad habit. And it comes with so much guilt and doership and regret, unworthiness; all these ideas that we have about ourself for no reason.

Because all of you are That. And I feel this time when I’m speaking; I realize that more and more this is coming to me to remind you that you are the eternal one. We even titled one Satsang like this, ‘You are Eternal Whether You Like it or Not.’ And if you were to really look at this, even imagine it, that you are eternal, then you would do exactly like this. You wouldn’t play these person games because actually nothing really matters to you. To the immortal, to the eternal, this is just a play now.

With the recognition of what you are, then this sense of struggle, this sense of trouble, this will start dissolving. And if it’s not dissolving then we must inquire into the beliefs which we still hold. There is an identity still then lurking, if there is still some sense of struggle. It usually comes from some meaning which is still left to the appearance. We are giving some meaning which is not neutral to the appearance and saying ‘this one; (everything else okay, okay, okay), but this particular identity or role still has meaning for me. In fact, it’s central to me’. But it’s not. What is central to you is your true nature, that which cannot go. Everything else, all relationships, all other materialistic things all are coming and going, all our tendencies. Nothing will last. You will last, but not you personally.

And now you’re here means, you are looking for this eternal Truth. Because if you were looking for some phenomenal truth, there are many better people to show you. Relationship counselors, psychotherapists, money advisors, counselors; all those are available by the millions in the world. You see?

So what brings you here? There must be a realization somewhere that ‘This phenomenal stuff is not satisfying to me. I’m looking for that which I truly am.’ This must be here.

And this just with a simple checking: Am I Aware Now? Instantaneously, before the mind can come to any conclusion, you’ll know that you are aware. And this you cannot leave. This we cannot leave.

Of course, some friends are using different definitions, so you could say ‘I was not even aware, there was no…, even Awareness was not there.’ And who knows this? So the knowing that something is present or not is already Awareness. This Knowingness, Awareness, the I prior to I Am, I prior to Being. I, Knowing-ness, Seeing-ness, Witnessing, Perceiving; we’ve used many words for it. They’re all synonymous.

There is no way that This you cannot find. There is no way that you can lose yourself. In fact, it is more that since it has always been like this, our mind is in denial of it. It makes it another task to get to. It makes it the next bowl of milk. If our entire life we’ve pretended to be a cat, then we have constantly looked for the next bowl of milk. And this, the mind says, is the eternal bowl of milk. Find freedom and you will find the nectar of immortality, for the cat. But you never were a cat. You never were a person.

You are That which you have been looking for. So this I, before the birth of the I Am-ness even, is your true unshakable, immortal, eternal nature. And everything exists only in your awareness of it. Inside your awareness.

Then what happens? With the birth of being actually, all confusion starts. [Ananta laughing] Deep sleep, no confusion, isn’t it? The birth of Being. So in fact, the first time I heard Maharaj say something like, ‘The only problem you have is the I Am infection.’ I was like, I Am infection? I Am is God Himself. [Ananta laughing] You know, how can you say ‘I Am infection’? I read that in ‘I Am That’ or one of the books, Maharaj’s books. I was not able to process the enormity of what he was saying at that time. You see?

So with the birth of I Am, then very quickly the world of duality appears. It’s always ‘Me in the world, me and another, my world, my life.’ Before that, nothing, no phenomena. And even if this appearance was there, without the pesky interpreter, than it would not seem like it is separate. It is this interpretative mind, what we call ‘the ego, the wrong subtitles in the movie, the fake interpreter.’

This one makes trouble where there is none because it convinces you that you are this bundle of just flesh and blood. And you’re alone here. Then it seems scary. You’re just this body in this huge realm of billions of people and so many forces which are constantly attacking. And once you buy this story, then you’ve bought the cat idea. Then you’re running around like a cat, looking for your bowl of milk, trying to keep them safe and making sure you’re on the right track.

That’s why I say this is such a divine mystery, the great divine maya that convinces the Creator of the world that it is just a small speck in the world. Actually the universe is a small speck inside you. And all these insights are available to you once you come to clarity about who you are. Clarity is different from mental understanding. Because it’s very easy to pick up the concept ‘I am Awareness’ or ‘I am the infinite one.’ But if it’s just another concept then it’s not going to help.

Clarity comes from direct seeing, direct experience. And we have tried over the years to demystify your true nature as much as possible. Therefore all it needs is a little bit of openness, a little bit of checking neutrally to see. And some of you are new here, so maybe we can revise some of the core pointings for you.

So the first one is: if you still have this sense that I am suffering, if you still have this sense that I am suffering, then all you have to do is not to believe your next thought. Because there is no suffering now, suffering is always dependent on some projection of past or future. And this interpretation of what the mind is saying about the past or future. So in our not believing the next thought, we are not picking up the false identity, we are not picking up any of these projections.

And then some resistances will come. You will say, ‘I cannot not believe this.’ So find out those two or three top buttons which the mind can push, which seem to automatically get your belief and pull them into your inquiry. You see?

So if it is about freedom…, for many of you now it is the spiritual seeker identity which is the strongest one where the buttons get pushed. So find out: Who is the seeker, can we find the seeker? Is the body seeking freedom? If there was a way actually to communicate with the body and you say, ‘I’m going to get you some freedom’ the body will say, ‘What, does it taste good?’ [Ananta laughing] It has no idea about freedom, it already is free. It’s just an instrument; a beautiful instrument, but an instrument.

So find out who wants freedom? Where is this one sitting? What does it look like? When was it born? What is its relationship with you? Why does it need a voice to communicate with you? You see? So are there two of you? Like this, if you inquire, you will realize very quickly, it is just an idea. The seeker identity is nothing but an idea, with no tangibility at all. You see?

So those ideas which still seem to get your belief, pull them into your inquiry. And you will find the rest are nothing. There is no validity behind any identity. Then it might seem like for some of you just

‘Everything is so fresh, I’m not suffering. Because all my identities which I was carrying about have now been inquired into, and they have been dropped and everything is fresh moment to moment. I’m just witnessing all of this moving.’

But we could say, ‘But is that it? What about God? Because the entire quest was to find God, so can you show me God?’ And I would say, ‘Yes I can.’ Not your idea of God, necessarily. But the God that I have experienced. That one I can show you. Just by asking you this simple question: Can you stop being now?

And when I say, ‘Can you stop being?’ then actually try. Don’t just use it as an intellectual question and say, ‘What kind of question is that?’ Actually try to stop being. Don’t be, for an instant. And you will discover your own holy presence. Instantly you will find that you can’t stop being. Your presence is here. I just am. This I Am is Being, is Consciousness, is God. Because it is God who said ‘I Am That I Am.’

So don’t let the simplicity of the pointing confuse you and make it trivial. It is one of the most beautiful discoveries that you can come to. It is the realization of God as your own presence, in just looking and seeing if I can stop being. And often I’ve said that this much is enough actually, this much is enough, because you’re beyond suffering and you’re living in the presence of God.

But for some of you, (like in my case here also), some of you will say that there’s something more. And by this time, the mind will probably be going crazy saying, ‘Something more than God, what are you saying?’ But you might say, ‘I am aware even of Being. There is something here which is prior even to Being, which knows that there is something called sleep state and then I woke up from sleep state. So what is this? So what is this? What is prior to I Am? What is before I Am?

It is this Awareness, Knowingness, that knows even the presence and absence of Being, you see? So this is the highest. You say, can you show me the highest? And I say: Are you aware now?

And for some of you, this might sound like a magnificent pointing and for some of it will say, ‘What? This was the highest? I didn’t see anything at all.’ You see? But in those words themselves lies the Truth; where you’re able to confirm, ‘Yes, I am aware. I am aware without actually phenomenally experiencing anything. Even for Being, it was phenomenally experienced. But for Awareness…. am I aware now? This fact that I’m aware is known. It is not a phenomenal experience. It’s the only non-phenomenal experiencing that you can have. It’s not even an experience; but if you were to use the word non-phenomenal experiencing, it is the only one you can have.

And it is central to our existence. I am aware. And because it is so natural, so intimate, there is no space between us and this. And because our entire idea of freedom, of self-realization, was based on some sort of an explosion or some sort of awakening experience or something special like that, the mind refuses to accept that this seeing, I Am Aware Now, is the realization of the Self. You’re realizing your own self as Awareness. Awareness itself, is realizing itself.

This is the essence of self-realization.

The trouble can come because the mind, the person-identity, can come and say, ‘But this is not what I asked for.’ But we are no longer to cater to this one who does not exist, because this one is forever unsatisfied.

How do you know that you are aware? First, do you know or not? Do you know you’re aware? Let’s say yes or no. (Ananta looking around room and participants all acknowledge ‘yes’) So we know.

How? How do we know? We’re just aware, just aware. But for everything else we say, ‘Is there a blue box on the table?’ You have to look; and we either see or we don’t see. And if we see, we have confirmation it was there.

You see, everything else is phenomenally checked, everything else, even presence. Can you feel the presence? It is phenomenally checked. But for this, we just know. It is always just here. Because what did you see? If I ask you what you saw that you were able to confirm your awareness, you would not have a good answer. Isn’t it?

Isn’t this so beautiful? I enjoy very much this contemplation. If I ask you what you saw to be able to confirm your awareness, you will not have a good answer. For everything else, to say it is there, you will say ‘Yes I saw it. This was the color. This was the taste. This was the phenomenal experience of it.’ But for yourself, you are not able to define a quality or an attribute, and yet you’re clear that you are. You see?

That’s why even I said earlier that very quickly the mind wants to go to the qualitative aspects of decision making. But I want to keep you to the point of ‘who is the one that has to make a decision?’ And somewhere this sense is there that ‘Okay, I know, I know that it’s Awareness and I am Awareness and there is no real decision maker, but still in “real life” some decisions. It can be like that. It’s the commentary of the mind which I have heard often. But it’s all rubbish because there is no “real life” outside of satsang, all of this is just the same.

So the decisions which have to be made are being made by Consciousness itself. How does it decide? Only consciousness knows. Sometimes it can seem like it’s just moving on its own, sometimes it can feel like some deep contemplation deciding. As long as it is clear that there is no individual ‘me’ then there will be no trouble with decision making.

Q: Consciousness sometimes plays as a person.

A: Only Consciousness plays as person. I mean there is only Consciousness therefore Consciousness plays as person or doesn’t play.

Q: So when a decision is made how do we know whether the consciousness..?

A: Who? How does who know? [Laughs]

Q: The Consciousness is playing as a person, how does that know?

A: So, if it is the result of just believing these thoughts then it is Consciousness playing as a person. If it is following the intuitive sense then it’s Consciousness following the Satguru or following itself.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: So, it’s like your hand went up and down just now. Was that a decision?

It was a spontaneous flow.

Q: But I still feel we have to make some decision.

A: Yeah. So if you decide to play as person then you follow your thoughts as God and play them. If you don’t, if you decide not to play as the person, then you allow it to flow on its own.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: There is no need to make a decision about it, and yet decisions will happen on their own. Your question was ‘As a person do I need to make a decisions?’ No. Because as a person you never exist.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Okay, do you have a decision at work, whether I should look for a job or stay with my current job? Let’s take that as an example of a significant decision. In the past, have you made a decision like this? When you look back at it, do you will feel like it just flowed that way or there was an individual decision that happened?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: So how did that decision happen?

Q: Maybe money was involved.

A: Money was involved. Some thoughts came that your quality of your life will be better. So Consciousness playing as a person made that decision.

Q: So it was not… [Inaudible]

A: No. And yet it is only God who did it. There is only one doer and one experiencer, which is Consciousness.

Namaste, everyone. Very warm welcome to satsang today. Satguru Moojiji ki Jai

It would be interesting to contemplate that if this was the last satsang ever, not just for the break, then what would I say; if there was no more satsang after this? And after all of this 500 or 600 or whatever we’ve had; then after all of these, the final satsang, what would I say?

Absolutely nothing.

Because no idea, no concept, not even the best pointings are about you actually. They are just that; just pointings. But you cannot truly even point to the Self. Just as I would not say anything, you must also not buy any idea, story, concept, belief about yourself.

Get used to the silence. Sometimes it can be that satsang and the pointings in satsang itself also give us some sense of personal existence. So utilize this opportunity of silence to get used to this silence of your own Being. Complete silence; where it is not that appearances are not allowed, or something is being resisted, it’s only that everything is just allowed to come and go. This silence which is completely open, not closed.

In all of these satsangs, I have not said anything about you. Just pointed some arrows, saying ‘This way, look this way. Don’t go that way, come this way. Walk with me this way’. But what is found, (and I know it is found for many of you), what is found is that which we cannot speak about. No word is enough to capture this. We can try. We can saying ‘Knowing, Awareness, the Absolute Itself, the Ultimate’. All these words we use. But does it really capture the essence of this, which is no-thing? It is no-thing, and yet it is That from which everything comes.

Just in the same way that all of you trust me, in the same way I must trust that the words that have been shared here, the pointings which have been shared here have taken you to this point of Seeing directly what you are.

And I know that this habit, a seeming-personal habit of presenting ourselves personally, this is sticky. So I’m not saying it will never happen to any of you. But I do know that it is not possible for it to have the strength that it used to. All the food, all the nutrition for you to let go of this habit has already been provided to you; and the digesting is also happening.

What has flowed from here over the last couple of years is a movement toward simplification and demystification of that which seemed so complex, that which seemed so difficult to get; a simplification and demystification of enlightenment or liberation. And I feel that it is excellent that it has been able to flow like this in the simplest possible ways. Every aspect of this has been looked at. We’ve looked at all the concepts right from Awareness to Consciousness to the idea of the ‘person’ and all its many attributes, specifically doer-ship and specialness. Together we have contemplated into all of these. Directly looked. Discarded that which was just an idea, and remained as that which is here, always. And in this Seeing, for many of us, suffering has become a laughable concept. Because the concept of the suffer-er itself has become so alien.

I’m so grateful to all of you for your love, your trust, your devotion. And I can with all integrity say that it has not been misplaced. Because the voice which speaks from here is the voice of Your Presence. So this love, this trust, this devotion will be your armor against any attack of the mind, so don’t buy into any of this…, that without this one or two months of satsang something will change. I’m right there with you as Your own Presence, closer than close. This is our most intimate play, our truest relationship; independent of forms, independent of words. [Silence]

This Presence is shining. Your Presence is shining. Let this light of your own Being guide all appearances that are appearing for You. Your Presence is blessing this entire realm, it is creating this entire realm, and everything is moving with Your grace, with Your blessing. Don’t believe otherwise. Nothing inauspicious; nothing but the will of God is ever happening.

Whatever the appearance might be in this appearing world, don’t resist. Whatever the appearance might be in the seeming inside, (thoughts, memories, imagination), don’t resist. All sensations, emotions, energies, feelings; let them be. There is no one here to be hurt. There is nobody inside this body. Everything including this body is inside Your Presence, Your Being. Don’t allow this trickster voice to confuse, delude you anymore. Because you are here; that means something is done with this play.

I’ve given you The Master Key to be free from all suffering. And even if it seems like it is effort, like it’s the hardest thing that you can ever do, even if you’re believing this, then put this effort to not believe your next thought. And you will find the sense of it being effort was completely false. And don’t follow this pointing believing that it will bring you to some freedom.

The starting point is freedom.

You are free now.

The only thing that is happening is the dropping of the pretense of ‘personhood’ by not believing the next thought.

You are the Self,

You are Free,

You are the Light.

You are Home.

For too long you have pretended to be the ‘non-existent one’.
That which is Here is You.

That which needs belief can never exist.

That which is not found is not real.

What cannot leave?

When we leave everything aside, what can’t be left aside?

You Are That.

And That has no problems; that has no concern. It has not even a sense of control over anything.

Don’t pick up the ‘me’. Don’t pick up the individual ‘I’. This power rests with you completely as Consciousness. Don’t believe otherwise. Don’t say ‘As a person, I can do nothing’. There is no person. You have never been a person.

You have always been Consciousness.

Ultimately you have always been That which is Aware even of Consciousness.

You are this ocean of existence.

And some of you are still pretending to be the drop in this ocean. And that is your choice as Consciousness. But know that it is a lie. Know that it is a lie; it can never be true.

God cannot lose Himself.

I hope all of you are completely tired of the lie. It is my blessing to you that you will be completely tired of the pretense.

We have been blessed by the suffering which has brought us here. It has been a great blessing. And we are blessed by the suffering which is making us more and more open. It might sound strange but as your teacher and your friend, I am grateful for this suffering if it is appearing for you because it is burning all that is false. Let it burn! Everything that can be burnt, let it burn. Don’t try to rescue anything. Only the false can be burnt.

May all doer-ship, may all arrogance, may all specialness, may everything that pops up this idea of ‘me’ be burnt in the fire of this satsang. May all be gone in the fire of Your Guru-ship, either in the Presence or in the devotion; and if you’re not willing to let them go here, then in your suffering itself.

Your own Presence is causing this movement of this dissolution of all that is false. Don’t resist anything. If this entire Universe has to burn, crashes; let it burn. It cannot touch You. You are That from which the light of the creation of all the realms arises.

Are you not done playing this game?

You are That in which the Supreme Lord is born.

What is attractive in the ‘person-person’?

Don’t touch the person.

Listen to this voice which is coming from Your own Presence, and don’t buy any story from the mind. No matter how attractive, how true it might seem, it is not. Because it is still referring to you as this bucket of flesh, blood and bones. And this is maya, you see? …, how the Supreme Lord has the power to pretend to be this bucket of flesh, blood and bones. He himself has created this hypnosis of thoughts. No idea, no thought, no story you will have. Get used to it, and you will find that there is so much joy in this being without any story.

Even if it feels uncomfortable for a while to drop all your stories. I know initially it can seem like it is some sort of a limbo state, and the fear will come ‘I don’t know what will happen to my life. Am I going in the right direction?’ (as if we’ve always gone in the right direction in the past). Just this little bit of fear tries to pull you back. Not even the fear but the interpretation that ‘This is what the fear means’.  Just fuhgeddaboudit! [forget about it]. Whatever it is, fuhgeddaboudit! [Laughs]…, even the story of ‘the last satsang’. In the eyes of eternity, it is nothing at all.

Actually my job has only been one; just to stand as a mirror in front of you and only ask this question: Who are you?

And a true mirror does not reflect the false. Therefore, I have not bought your stories, your ideas. Because I could not do this dis-service, I love you too much for that. Just being here as a mirror, not accepting any story, just asking who you are, is all that I have done.

And you have seen, again and again; and discarded the false. And for that, this world is very grateful. And now you know. You now know. When you pick up a false story, you know it actually. And this knowing is my gift to you. Because the same knowing which operates from here, it is now operating in all of you.

Just be wary of this thought that comes and says ‘Yes, I KNOW it now. I’m okay… [inaudible].   There is nothing in that play. There is nothing in any mental play. No joy is coming from there. And no joy is missing without the mind; no love is missing, no peace is missing without the mind. So whenever it still comes and tempts you, ‘Come, come, let’s play’ …, all that it can show you is only the way to misery; no matter how enlightened you believe yourself to be.

Remember that no matter where you are, whatever the situation might be, all the pointings that you’ve heard in satsang are completely true right here, right now, in whatever the appearance might be.

You cannot stop Being.

And You are Aware.

So, if you ask ‘Can I stop Being now?’ you may see that The Presence of God is available, at Your service. God in service to God Himself.

And when you ask: ‘Am I aware now?’ and just in the simple looking, you see: that which is here is aware now, even of the Consciousness.

This You Are, untouched by any appearance.

If it seems like a choice, like you still have a choice, don’t pick up the ‘me’. Don’t pick up the ‘me’. Then it will be clear to you soon that it is Grace itself which makes this choice. While it still seems like a choice, don’t believe your thought, don’t pick up the ‘me’. Don’t try to Advaita your way out of this. Don’t try to use non-doer-ship as a way out of this; it is still a mind trick. Whatever the mind might be selling, don’t buy. If you buy (and everyone does; even the sages, they buy some thoughts), then you drop it. That is all. Don’t believe any guilt about anything. No guilt and no proclamations. Just the simplicity of Being.

I just want to thank all of you for allowing this voice into your Heart, for opening the door to this Presence.

And most of all, the biggest gratitude, the biggest Pranams at the feet of my Master Satguru Sri Moojiji for allowing his servant, his son, to share his words.

I’ll end with what [Nisargadatta] Maharaj used to say. He said ‘Stop looking at yourself as Arjuna. Find the Krishna which is there, your own Presence. Speak as that.

Thank you so much for being in satsang. Moojiji ki Jai!

[Sangha] Jai !

All my blessings. May you all keep shining in the light of your Presence.

I’m right there in your Heart, as your Heart.

Love, Love, Love you all.

So I rarely say this, but I want to say this today, is that just know, (and because I say so. Sometimes I have to say), just know that:

You are not that which is seen. If it is seen, then you are not that.

Because usually I say that ‘Don’t take my word for it’, but sometimes I feel that it’s okay, take my word: You are not that which is seen. You are the seeing itself.

This has been the constant direct experience of all the sages, all the masters that have come before this. This is directly experienced here as well and I know that you trust me.

So I can tell you that the mind tends to take you for a ride whenever this kind of inquiry happens.

In your case, maybe just go with faith. (I can’t believe that  these words are coming out of this mouth). Just go with faith that this is Ananta’s experience. And ‘If there is not yet clarity here in my experience, let me go with his experience. He says don’t go, you cannot be that which is seen, because you are prior to that’. Seeing. This way you will remain as the Awareness itself, the Witness itself.

I know also that this witness, this awareness which is here does not want anything, does not want freedom from pain, does not want freedom from suffering. What happens is because it’s such  a deeply engrained habit, it’s been there since childhood,it is strongly resisting the direct experience of This. So it gives you some visuals, it gives you all kinds of pictures. They are confusing you. So that’s why you stay with this itself.

Remember that he said, that if it is seen, then it cannot be you. Who is Seeing? You must stay with that. Remember to apply it for all appearances, be it feelings, be it sensations, be it thoughts, be it external. Until it is found that, very naturally that ‘I am able to not believe any of my thoughts’…, until then you keep belief in my words.

And observe what your mind does in response to this. Because it’s suddenly out of moves. So now it will paint some stories for you, such as, ‘He is singling you out, he is giving you different…, am I at the end of the class?’ or something like that. It’s all rubbish, it doesnt matter. Even that…, it is seen. ‘I see even this. The mind is saying this, so it is not Me’.

[Ananta announced that he will be taking a break from the regular Monday through Friday, 3 hour each satsangs for the month of November and December]

Only two more satsangs before the break. I already feel that there’s nothing else to say. Yesterday some nostalgia was coming, and I was saying that I’ve been sharing since 2013; the end of 2013.  And something was feeling like just a satsang machine operating. So it felt good to have some break, rest this body, and family has been asking for time as well.

So these two days that we have now, let’s see if we can come up with…, if there has to be something to come up with…, let’s see if we can come up with what we’re truly representing now. Because if I meet Myself, then that is not tiring for me. But if I meet a representation of some imagination, it is the convincing of this imagined drop in the ocean that it is the ocean itself that seems to become a strain on some energies here. So, if we come, then let Me meet Myself, in all the interactions of Me.

[Silence]

No teacher will ever want that all those beloved children should be so dependent on his form that they are taking away from what he’s actually been pointing to for so long.

So what I’ve always been saying, and what all Masters have been saying is that the true Master is your own Presence, your own Heart. Satguru is always with you; cannot leave you. You see? And this body [points to his body] is always in service to that Satguru. And I’ve always said also that this body is always in service to those that are devoted to the truth.

I feel intuitively that…, there’s a sense here that this break will be good for all of us. Because a little bit of this ‘rubber hitting the road’ is also important. Otherwise it can just seem like then this becomes just coming to satsang and hearing the same words, the same pointing over and over which can also be something that becomes a habit.

So now we have the opportunity to see how much of whatever has been heard, (some of you have been here 2 years, some of you a few months, but still…), I feel enough has been given for us to digest. So it is very good for us to have this little bit of a sense of a break from this regular satsang. Truly, truly, truly I am always in service to all of you. I feel that even this break is in service to all of you.

I got some messages yesterday like ‘I don’t know what’s going to happen’ and ‘I’m scared’. I feel there is so much satsang which is available for you now. And it cannot be that you can put on a satsang which was here in this Presence and not experience the same Presence. Unless you let your mind get in the way. There’s enough. I feel there’s more than enough, like 500 or 600 recordings now over the last two years. And we’ve examined every aspect of what is meaningful to examine, meaningful to contemplate.

And with some of them…, Amaya for example knows really well which transcript has some points about this or that or questions that come. She can help you, she can point you to the transcripts, to the satsang recordings.

But truly, truly the point is that this is not meant to be a ‘forever rehab’. [Smiles] The point of coming to rehab is to come to rehab and get free from identity and to be free.

It’s a joy; you’re always welcome to come; so it doesn’t mean that the doors will be closed. But it is not meant to make you dependent on satsang. Satsang is not meant to make you a follower.

Is your attachment based on only being in the physical Presence? I love being with you. But is my love for you only dependent on the fact that you show up here? It cannot be just that.

And my feeling is that it’s not a forever thing. I’m not saying ‘never any more satsang’. Just for a month at least, it seems very clear; or 2 months most likely. You know I’m not a fan of any declarations, proclamations. Whatever flows naturally.

From the right now, all that we have to do to be miserable is to invent some trouble. How are we going to do it? [Laughs] Because right now, no trouble. This much is for sure. Right in this moment, even if the strongest emotions or feelings might be experienced, there is actually no trouble. Because right now no separate entity.

Separate entity is always the projection of the past and future.

So when I said ‘We will invent something if we want to be miserable’ then it is always this projection. Projection of ‘me’ is not the real Me. Itself it means; when they say ‘projection’ it is not the real.

Because what is here right now is the Supreme God.

Sometimes, when these words come, we say ‘But it’s too much. Can we keep it more regular?’ No, but sometimes we can say:  What is here right now is only the Supreme God Himself, Herself.

And what game is It going to play? Is it going to play the suffering game or the freedom game or the joy game, the awakening game, the story game, the relationship game, or the money game.

Which game will You-as-Consciousness pick now?

Yesterday before the internet got cut off, I was going around asking everyone: ‘Are you suffering? Can you say that you are still suffering?’ So, going right to the Hangout now, let’s go one by one.

Q: “Whenever there is belief in thought, that is the only time there is something. When there is no belief, then there is no suffering. It’s only the mind which causes it; and when you let go of it, then it’s not there, Father. So, it comes and goes. I have to say honestly, very honestly, in my seeing, there are moments when there is suffering, then there are moments when there is no suffering. When there is suffering, I am identifying with something, Father.”

This is good. Already you see that the only way you can bring on this suffering, that you can be miserable, is to believe your thoughts. So let’s look deeper now. But is there a ‘me’ that is suffering?

Q: “So this ‘me’ that is suffering is imagined, Father. It’s an imagined ‘me’. And the other day…, I’ve been doing the inquiry that you told me, which was ‘How do I know that I’m aware?’ and I’ve been doing that, you know, it’s been coming up. And it’s funny, a few days ago when I was doing that, the sense of ‘I’ just fell away for a while. And I was looking for this ‘I’. I was saying ‘Where was this ‘I’? And the ‘me’ seems to have less hold of me, in a sense, if you know what I mean. The ‘me’ is a lot less. It’s again a thought. The ‘me’ is also a thought.”

Very good. Even feebler than imagination. At least with some imagination we can come up with some definitive attributes. But for the ‘me’, even in imagination we are not definitive. You see? So even feebler than imagination is this idea of ‘me’.

And no ‘me’ means no suffering. Therefore it is only an idea we have had but which feels attacked in any life situation; which feels like something needs to be done. And in this way, some seeming resistance to ‘what is’ can arise. This is what is suffering. With no resistance, no ‘me’, no ego; no suffering.

And we don’t truly resist also; we can’t truly resist also. Resistance is also in the mind. Resistance is also just a belief.

Q: “It’s funny, Father, sometimes the body is doing something that you don’t want it to do, like it’s reacting to someone where you have said ‘No, I don’t want it to react in that way’. But the body’s actually still reacting in that way. And at those times, it’s getting a bit tricky, because you’re saying ‘Okay, I’m not reacting like that’ but the appearance is still reacting in that sense. And so in the external world, it seems like there’s suffering. But internally, it’s not as bad. There’s still some suffering because there’s still some identification with that; but it’s not as bad as it would be if I was totally identified with what the body was doing.”

This is very good. So, instead of having this connotation that when suffering comes, it’s something bad. Identification still remains. If it would not come, you would never look at it, you see? So when suffering comes, is it possible to have a sense of gratitude about it? I know it sounds funny when I say this. If not at that moment, at least later? Can we be thankful and grateful and say ‘Thank you, God, for showing me that I’m still identified as this one. Thank you for this opportunity to inquire. Thank you for this opportunity to See; that just like all the identifications that have been dropped now in my pure Seeing, this identification also now is being dropped’.

Then even we can say that the rising of suffering we are not resisting; because there can be a subtle resistance to suffering itself, which then seems to deepen the sense of suffering.

Q: “Actually, every moment of suffering, Father, in a way it leads you to inquiry. Right? And every time there is a suffering, there’s a lot of gratitude there for the suffering because it’s pointing me directly to where I’m still identified, and what I’m holding onto, and what identity. So there’s a lot of gratitude even for the person who seemingly made me suffer, in that sense, because without that, I don’t see this. So it’s like a flashlight that’s pointing the direction to where my identity lies, Father. And there’s a lot of gratitude for that suffering.”

Yes, for those who are open to the discovery that they don’t exist, for those who are open to the discovery that they don’t exist, then every opportunity like this is used for inquiry. For those who are still playing with the desire to become something, the desire to become more and more something, then when this comes, then you can also reinforce the identity and say ‘Okay, I did not work hard enough. Next time I’m going to work harder. I will show them all what I truly am’. This also can come, also triggered by the same suffering. So for those who are open to the truth of non-existence individually, then this is an opportunity for inquiry. But the same situation can be taken very egoistic-ly. It can become some crusade, you see?

But eventually, I feel that all of us come to this point of questioning ‘Who I am’. Who is suffering? And when the question starts shifting away from the content of what is being experienced to ‘Who is it that is experiencing it?’ then this seeming-journey of Self-realization cannot be called even a journey. As soon as we start switching the question away from ‘Why am I suffering from this particular appearance?’ to ‘Who is the one that is suffering?’ then actually there’s hardly any journey left. All this imagined journey is dropped. But as long as there is a sense that the content must change and then suffering will go, then this journey can seem infinitely long. It can even be as subtle as saying that ‘When I experience bliss continually, then I will be free’. Again, about the content; again, about phenomenon.

So as long as our parameters, our benchmarks, are based on what is appearing or not, this itself is the doorway to suffering.

So, it is very auspicious for those of you who can say that ‘When suffering comes, then I use it as an opportunity to inquire’.

Not inquire into ‘Why does it come?’ Many of you get stuck in the inquiry about ‘Why does this happen to me all the time? What pattern am I repeating? What is it here that is projecting this?’ And although these are nice questions, (they’re better than just the purely worldly questions), still they are not enough yet.

Most important is to simply check: ‘Who is this appearance coming for? Who is experiencing this?’ for whatever the feeling, thought, emotion, sensation might be. ‘What does the experiencer look like?’ Can you truly say it is suffering? Without relying on any thought, without this voice of this interpreter, can you ever truly say that it is suffering? Is it your direct Seeing?

So if all that you hear in today’s satsang is that the tendency of the mind to keep you focused on the content of the appearance, and keep you away from the checking ‘Who it is appearing to’…, and you don’t fall into this trap as often, then this itself, satsang would be worthwhile.

And many times, many of you come and you report that ‘All that is here is this feeling, this emotion, these thoughts; all that is here is this’. But the question is: ‘Isn’t there a You also who is experiencing all of this?’ If it was just this, then who would be concerned about it?  So it must be that these energies are there, and it must be that there is a You that is experiencing.

And that is the trouble, that you feel that you should not be experiencing, without investigating the nature of this ‘I’, the nature of this ‘me’.

So, if I were to say one day in satsang that ‘We’ll speak nothing about the content which is appearing. Let’s only speak about the Witness of the content’. That would be a very short satsang, isn’t it? Because what is there that we can say?

Actually, what I’m saying is that all our time and energy goes into ‘this content, this content, this is appearing, this  is appearing, this is disappearing’. So, can it be that for a fraction of this time, we can spend on just looking at ‘To whom is this appearing?’

This is rare. Because most of the time which people seem to be spending in the looking, the inquiry, they are just playing games with their mind. ‘Who am I? …waiting for the answer to come’. Because the looking is something just so natural, so obvious. So, it seems like ‘Oh, I’m just inquiring, inquiring’ where it can seem like a great badge of honor, but actually we’re just playing games with the mind.

Okay, so you look now. Suppose you were talking about yourself. So then, look now. Look for the Witness or the Witnessing. [Silence] Clear? Then what is there to spend so much time on the ‘looking, looking…?’ Is it like that?

I am not denying the content. I am only denying the interpreter. So, when something is arising, we must look at it. But what I recommend we get in denial about is what our interpreter is saying about it. So, we’ve used the power of denial to resist what is. This is what I say every day. ‘What is’ includes the appearance of ‘what is’. But we have not used denial to deny what the interpreter is saying. We got used to taking that to be the truth.

So when it comes to emotion, sensation, all of this, we’re very quick to say ‘Oh, this emotion of pain should go; this emotion of pain should go and it should be replaced by some bliss, some joy’. So, when we are in that, then is that not being focused on the content?

Instead, can we look: Is the one that is experiencing the content, is that one coming from the content only, or still the same ‘Rajan’ [ego/interpreter] also? That is what is being sensed.

In any question, if there is enjoyment of ‘what is’ then let it just flow very naturally and no question really comes. The question really comes mostly from either the suffering sense, that ‘I am suffering and I want to be free from it’ or this deep urge to figure out who I am.  Because if there is truly enjoyment of whatever is, then it could be that even that Master is saying something that is complete nonsense…, (It could be like that; like I’ve said, I’m holding up no standard of the truth or something like that), so it could seem like he’s speaking complete nonsense, but I’m just sitting here in so much joy. This is acceptance of ‘what is’.

So the point is that: Are we willing to look simply…, (especially when some content seems bothersome; especially in those times)…, are we willing to look at…, look for the real experiencer of Consciousness itself? Is it struggling with any of this?

This is what I’m pointing to. Find out: (any sensation, any emotion),

Can you really say that Consciousness is the suffer-er?

Can we See that Consciousness has ample space for any of these experiences, and truly cannot be hurt by any of this?

Nothing can resist life. Even when it feels like ‘Oh, I am resisting life’ it’s not possible. Just like when I used to say, (I used to say very often earlier), ‘The twig, the small twig, is trying to control the flow of the river’. Life is moving along its own merry way. And this twig, less than a twig, says ‘How do I control the flow of the stream? It’s too much, it’s too fast. I need to slow it down’. What will it do? Only in thoughts; if a twig could think, this would be the twig thoughts. The twig is suspended over the river, and it’s thinking ‘Oh, the river is going left, so I’ll move more to the left, not right’.

And how do we resist? Only through thought. Only, only, only through thought. Specifically through believing thought.

[Laughter] You couldn’t resist life. The plan was to sit on the sofa. ‘Why can I not? I can, I will. I’ll show you’. Why not? Because it doesn’t exist. Because the twig doesn’t exist. [Laughs]. What are we talking about? The imaginary twig thinking it can do some controlling of the river is the funny thing that we talk about every day. ‘What must I do? What must I do? Where must I go?’

Q: “How to stop?”

How to stop? To see this. To see this to be true is then to withdraw the belief from this that is false. Because to stop also means that I did have the power to do something. We’re only thinking this.

This experiment came to me. On the weekend, on the plane or somewhere, this experiment came to me, and I said ‘Okay, I will imagine breathing deeply but actually I will breathe very fast’. I couldn’t do it. Imagine breathing deeply, and breathe very fast at the same time. Can you do it? [Laughter] It doesn’t happen. Imagination should be a separate faculty from this that is doing. [Laughs] Yes. ‘Not for those who have gone completely beyond’. Just to see, this doesn’t happen.

What does it mean? Does it mean that all our doing has been just imagining?

Q: “It’s not even our doing.”

Exactly. That’s what I’m saying, that it’s just this doing which is happening here; there’s this imagined one that takes hold of it, and says ‘This I did’.

So then, what to do? It can come like this, ‘Then how do I stop?’ That is also another variant of ‘What to do?’ What to do? ‘Yes, yes, I see what you say in satsang; I’m completely fine. Once I go out, what to do?’ And we pick up this ‘I’. Doer-ship is the most popular way of picking up the ‘I’.

Just look at how this happens. We see nobody here, and yet this nobody wants to do something. [Laughs] Nobody here. But then we can say ‘Yes, but I find … (okay, few of you will actually say this in sincerity)…, ‘Yes, but I find Beingness is here, I find Consciousness is here. What must Consciousness do?’ It’s God’s problem. What God is doing is God’s problem. So, even in this subtle way we can pick up the ‘I’. ‘Now I am God, so tell me what God should do’. That is even more ludicrous, because the One that is running all of this show, that is making evolution, gravitation, electricity, light, sound, millions and millions of processes happen like this, doesn’t need to come here and ask ‘What should I do next?’ So truly there is no concept of ‘What do I do next?’ from either. ‘Person’ because ‘person’ doesn’t exist; God because God doesn’t need help, and who will help God?

Q: “The imaginary twig.”

The imaginary twig. [Laughs] ‘I’ll become super-God, God of Gods’. So now, we see this. How many of us see this?

Q: “Intellectually.”

Intellectually. This is another trick of the mind, that ‘Intellectually, I understand’. And then I say ‘Okay, what is intellectually understood, correlate that with what you see, and tell me the difference. Without painting past or future’.

So we can, as we go more and more towards the discovery of who we are, then there comes a point that when we’re talking about doer-ship or non-doer-ship, we see ‘What’s this about? Whose doer-ship?’ But for those who still have some sense that there is an individual doer present here, who are still struggling with seeming decision-making, then these words must be checked. ‘What must I do?’ always carries the misinterpretation of the ‘I’. ‘What must I do?’ is never a valid question.

Q: There are three things which are causing a bit of confusion. One is about this ‘I am just here now; no past, no expectation, no fear; just here’. It’s a very agitated kind of a state. Then on Tuesday when you mentioned about just that knowing of Being, the Presence of ‘I Am’.

Knowing of the feeling; knowing that the Presence of ‘I Am’ is here.

Q: Yes. Earlier if it felt as if it was a mild remission of the mind and the body and everything. And I ended up with the feeling that there is still something that says…, it’s undefinable. And there was this confusion in what I was hearing. Are they the same?

Yes. So the second one was that ‘I Am’ is getting clearer. Earlier it felt like it was all made up of thoughts and the body, but now I can see that the Presence ‘I Am’ is here. Not ‘see’ like perceive; [more like] sense.

So, we should take it one by one. So what is the confusion about this one?

Q: One is just here and now; it is a meditative thing. It’s just a very nice place to be, but …

But what leaves there now?

Q: It’s just when thought comes or something, or that….

Even then, it is only that our attention is now going to the thoughts or the imagination or the memories which the mind is bringing up. But actually, only THAT left the now. Even that did not leave, but just for the sake of conversation you can say that actually even whatever is appearing right now is always just in the now.

So, the only thing that can actually leave the now, (which seems like it leaves the now), is that the mind is bringing content of the past and future, or content about the past or future. So the now is never really left.

Q: [Inaudible]… the very experience in hearing…can I stick with one of them?

Yes, any. All of this. Actually you can take a few sentences, even just one pointing, and stay with that. Because satsang is just pointing to the same thing in different, different, different, different ways. Whatever appeals to anyone. … [short internet blackout].

It can seem as the stages might happen, (but it doesn’t have to go the same way for everyone), that first there is too much reliance on thought, initially. That reliance seems to go. So that is the first step for many. ‘The thoughts are coming and going. I’m not so concerned about what is happening’. So then we feel like our level of suffering, our level of resistance has come to much lower than what is was earlier.

Then it is usually seen that this Presence, I-Am-ness, becomes clearer and clearer. When thought activity is too much and we are going along with it, then not many can truly report the Presence I Am or sense or perceive the Presence I Am.

Then it can come that ‘Yes, I sense this ‘I Am’, but this ‘I’ which knows even ‘I Am’ is prior even to the ‘I Am’. To ‘This’ even the ‘I Am’ is coming and going.

And This One, I seem to be inseparable from. I can find no distance, no separateness from this One; because this is the One that stays. It’s always here.

Q: And when just hearing, then it still feels that the hearing is here, but there’s still some distance between me and the …

And this distance is the same distance between even the ‘I’ that knows the ‘I Am’. You say ‘It seems like there’s still some distance between me and the experience of something’.

Q: Yes.

Now, this is the same seeming-distance between the ‘I’ which is Awareness Itself, and the Being I Am, who everything is experienced here, on the level of Beingness. And that is also seen. So that is the distance between it.

So, if you can see what is at the end point of the distance: So, if one end is just this ‘I’ which is looking, which is seeing, which is knowing…, and then there’s the sense of experiencing, doing, Being; all of that is happening. That is seen. That is exactly what we are pointing to. That it is the Being, in this phenomenal play it is the Being, which seems to be the experiencer of all things. And the knowing remains untouched by whatever the mind presents.

Q: Thank you.

[Namaste]

It can seem like this; that first there is this relief from suffering, a lot more spaciousness, a lot more freedom seems to be here. Then it might come, the insight that I Am This Presence that I Am. I am this Being Itself.

And then we might see that ‘I’ sees even ‘I Am’. And when we come to this point that this ‘I’ sees even ‘I Am-ness’ then we can truly say ‘There is no distance, no separation, between that which sees and that which is seen. We find that all is made up of this ‘I’ Itself.

So we must not actually be in a rush to come to this ultimate perspective, because we might hear these reports many times that ‘Everything is just this One, and there is no difference between the seeing and the seen’. But if it does not ring true yet, don’t worry about it; stay with it as you’re going.

It might also be the other way around for some; where the Oneness is experienced first and the Awareness seems to be everything first, and then the sense of Being, the sense of Consciousness, the discovery of God comes. And then the sense of ‘It is only the thoughts which are causing this trouble’.

So it doesn’t have to go in one particular way. We’re saying that usually it seems to happen like this.

So then the question arises, saying ‘Okay, now I find that I do not suffer without being identified, without believing my thought. So how do I now just withdraw this belief?’

And we will find that when we’re open, after we’ve been in satsang for some time, we see that ‘Yes, it is allowed to just come and go’. So then it seems that we find that there is still an identity that seems to be the one that the thoughts are talking to. So, it could be the work identity, it could be the seeker identity, it could be the husband identity. But usually, after this pointing is clear, then you will not find that it is ‘everything’ like it was in the past. It’s a few things which still seem to hold a lot of meaning or held a lot of meaning for us in the past.

So when it comes like this…, to take an example, the thought could be ‘I should work harder’. Now we find that belief comes and are IN it, easily. ‘I’m just trying to make something happen; push life; do things’. All of this comes.

Then it is these kind of thoughts to use in your inquiry. So ‘I must work harder’.

Who is this ‘I’? So, who is this ‘I’ who must work harder?

So, if I say ‘Prove me wrong, and tell me how it exists’.

Q: “This kind of state, my whole body becomes tense including the mind also. My thought is of work; taking my business and all the spheres of my involvement. So at that time; when I think about it, or pressurize myself.”

You stress out, mind seems overactive, fear seems to come; all of this is happening. But who is the ‘I’ that must work harder? Because the mind will try to do everything to avoid this question also. It tries to deflect it. But the inquiry must come to this point where you SEE: there is no doer, there is no ‘I’ here to work harder. So can we find the ‘I’ which must do anything at all?

Q: “I can’t find it.”

Can’t find it. Yet there is some belief in it?

Q: “Without my knowing…”

But, we only have the now. What happens is the mind says ‘It’s okay, I’m in satsang now. But what about when I’m back?’ But we only always have the now. Whenever this is seen, that again this false-doer identity took over, whenever it is seen like that, then you inquire. Say ‘Who is this ‘I’ that got believed in?’

Because life will give you those opportunities. No matter what the mind is saying; if you want the truth, then it will not be that life does not give you those opportunities at all.

So whenever you are in that moment, keep yourself there, and say ‘Who? But who is this ‘I’? The ‘I’ that must solve the problem, who is this one?’ [Silence]

All through the retreat we were talking like this. And we said that we’re sitting here and then we hear this voice that ‘You want a good lunch. Make sure you start telling the cook what you want right now’. You hear the voice, and say ‘yes, yes’ and run around trying to make it happen, that we want a good lunch. And we gave this voice a name. We said ‘This is Rajen’s voice’.

We said ‘But who wants a good lunch? Can we find this entity?’ Nobody here; nobody is there. You see?

So, we said it’s as if there is a secret speaker in the room [like a tv or radio speaker component] who is saying ‘This is what you must do. This is what you must do. This is how you must do it’. Who is speaking? We don’t know. But ‘If you don’t do it, who is going to do it? My lunch is now messed up’.

It is saying ‘I want to be successful’. (I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with success, by the way. That is clear to you.)

So, I’m just saying that if we cannot find out who is the one who is saying that ‘This is the way I have to do it’ …, And who is the one it is talking to? We say ‘If I don’t do it, then who else will?’ Whose thoughts are these that are telling you what to do?

If they are your own thoughts, do you need a thought to communicate with yourself? That doesn’t sound like it. You need a mode of communication only to another one.

God knows how to run your business.

At the retreat I felt there was one special treat, which was this concept of ‘Rajen’. And I’ve noticed, since I’ve been back also I’ve noticed, whatever interactions I’ve had, whatever questions I’ve been getting Facebook or email, they are all saying ‘Rajen is saying this, Rajen is saying this, I want to get rid of Rajen’. So just for those of you who were not there, maybe I can just take a couple of minutes to just explain what this Rajen thing is, because you might hear it often today also.

So basically there is this voice, there is a commanding voice, which is saying that ‘I am Rajen, and this is what I want’. And Rajen is actually a place-holder for your name. But this voice of thoughts which is saying ‘This is what I want. This is what I need. This is where my life must go’. So what is happening in the process of Self-inquiry actually is only firstly to check on the existence of this Rajen.

So just like we look in this room, and I hear the voice of Rajen saying ‘I want this’ but can we see this Rajen, can we find? And we see that we don’t find. And the same way when we look inside, we say ‘Where is this one who claims to have this voice, saying that it is me? Where is Rajen?’ And it is not found.

So we look around for this entity and we don’t find it. Because we realize that it’s not this body, because the needs and desires that it has, the aversions that it has are not of the body; not only at least of the body. Very few are directly related to the body. The simplest example being freedom it wants. The body is not interested in freedom.

So where is this one? So we’ve been looking for this. And we realize that it is not here in this room. In this space of Being, there is no separate entity.

But funnily enough, it seems like there is a speaker through which this non-entity is speaking. And this speaker, (and when I say speaker, I mean technologically the speaker that is attached to radios and televisions), this speaker is carrying the voice of this entity which cannot be found. And these are our thoughts claiming to belong to an entity. But whenever we look for an entity, we cannot find it.

So the only trouble…, the ONLY trouble, no matter what it is saying, is that we are buying this voice that this non-entity seems to be sharing. That is the only separation; that is the only suffering. No matter what it is saying, we cannot suffer without believing this voice, without believing a thought.

Now one thing I’ve noticed since we’ve come [back from the retreat] is that ‘Rajen’ itself has gotten hold of the Rajen concept. Rajen is now saying that ‘This is Rajen who is speaking. See? This is Rajen! And now this Rajen should go’. This one is also the same guy, you see? And very easily it has been able to abstract into ‘This one; see? This one. Oh, no, this one’. Still, this one; the same guy. [Laughs]

Although it had the advantage during the retreat that we were able to just look at it and say ‘Where is this entity, Rajen?’ …, it was helpful, because we were able to look at it objectively. So in this way, it was very helpful for me to guide all of you in the inquiry. But the disadvantage is that very quickly it was our identity which started then saying that ‘I don’t want Rajen’. That is why it is important to correlate it back and put our name instead of Rajen.

Who is this one who is saying ‘I must be rid of the ego’, who is saying ‘Oh, I see, I see; this is Rajen. This is the trouble-maker’? We have to be a little vigilant to: Who is speaking now?

Because very quickly this trickster can also take this one on, and say ‘Yes, I figured it out. That was the whole point of the retreat. I figured out all I have to do is get rid of Rajen’. This ‘I’ is Rajen’s voice.

So, the voice which is speaking in our heads is the voice of the ego, is this voice. No matter how well, how helpful it is pretending to be.

And the misconception also can be ‘Okay, but then… ‘Oh, I am Rajen. How do I get rid of Rajen?’ No, you’re not; you’re Consciousness, you are Being pretending to be a person.

And when we speak from the right now, from the right here, then we cannot speak personally. Because there is no person right here, right now. There is nothing to be done, in this moment.

But you have the power as Consciousness itself to pretend to be this non-entity.

So now as I wait for questions, and I wait for all that you want to speak about, I’ll be wondering whether you’re still pretending to be this non-entity, or if you’re willing to just look and find that:

Only I am here. There is no person here.

As we are ending this retreat, I just wanted to share some simple things, because I know some of us are now saying ‘It’s over. Now we come back to our personal lives’, and already realizing how to deal with the seeming-problems which will be in front of us. But remember that if there is a sense that something is a problem, we have already invented the ‘person identity’ again. There is no problem which is not personal. All problems are personal.

But the sense that some of you are getting now that ‘We are getting away from this retreat, and back to the problems of our daily lives’…, don’t let the mind convince you with this simple trick. At least let it come up with some new ones [Laughs]. You’ve seen through all of these tricks. Let’s at least challenge our minds to come up with something new. So when it is repeating and playing the same problems from the past, can we just, from our Hearts, say ‘Is that all you have? The same old stuff?’ [Laughs]

Let’s use whatever the trickster is throwing at us to deepen our inquiry. The same way that we’ve learned through the retreat that whatever seems to still get our belief, we then inquire into the identity which it is speaking to. The relationship identity, the spiritual seeker identity, the work [& money] identity, and the body identity. [The only 4 ‘problems’]

In the simple pointing: ‘Don’t believe your next thought’, when we look at this, we must start with the perspective that ‘In this moment, I don’t find any bondage’. Because if ‘Don’t believe the next thought’ becomes a personal strategy to get to freedom, it does not work. It becomes a personal strategy; the ‘person’ using the idea not to believe the next thought to get to some sort of freedom. Even this does not work.

First we must start with the perspective that ‘In this moment, I cannot find the ego’. ‘In this moment, I cannot find bondage’. The appearances might be here, some feeling might be here, some thought might be here; but the sense of the separate ‘me’ is never here.

So the point of the pointing is not to get you to some point of freedom, it is to remain as you are; not deluding yourselves in any imagined identities.

In this moment, you are free. In this moment, you are already all that you will ever be.

You are complete.

As I’ve been saying, the ego only has one tool, one weapon to convince you, and that is thoughts. But it cannot win, because you have the power to see what you are; right now, in every instant. The power of belief also belongs to You-as-Consciousness. Therefore Truth cannot lose to just an idea of separation.

And in knowing this, we can relax a little bit about this so-called spiritual seeking. Because for many of you, the identity is only surviving as ‘a seeker’ now. The false is only surviving as a seeker for many of you. And you can see for yourself that no other identity has any juice left; only this one. So when the sense comes that ‘I must get to freedom’, when the thought comes ‘I must find some freedom’, find out which ‘I’ is being spoken about. Which ‘I’ is bound?

You have not left the destination. Always you have been free.

Only imagining some prison which does not exist.

The suffering will be a laughable concept for you with just this simple understanding.

Then the question might come ‘Then, how do I know what I am? I want to rest in the knowledge of what I am’. And for this also, I’ve given you a simple pointing which is: Can you stop being now? Don’t go searching for being. See if you can stop being.

Because to search for Being would imply that you are not being right now. See if even for an instant you cannot be; right now. You will see ‘I am here, I am present as Presence itself’. And this much is enough to see that ‘I am this space in which all experiencing and all arising and dissolving phenomena is happening’. This cannot leave you; whether you’re in the retreat, whether you’re in the so-called practical world. You cannot stop Being.

And then some of you will have this intuitive sense that there is something even aware of this Being. There is an ‘I’ that is aware even of Being. ‘How do I become clear about this Awareness that it seems like I am ultimately?’ And for that, just ask yourself: Am I aware now?

And in this simple pointing you come face to face with your only truly non-phenomenal experience. Awareness being aware of itself is not tasted as a phenomenal experience. It has no quality, no attributes; and yet you KNOW. It is clear that I Am Aware. Only Awareness knows itself. And this is the Awareness that remains through all these states, through the creation and dissolution of this Universe.

Don’t let your mind under-value these questions, these pointings, just because they seem so simple.

. . .

And how do we not fall victim to this ‘voice’? Just by not believing the next thought.

It has been very beautiful to share this time with you for the past few days. I’m very grateful to all of you. I feel that all who come into your Presence can now benefit from this light that you are sharing.

From Silent Retreat in Tiruvannamalai, Closing satsang 19th Oct. 2015

[Speaker inaudible; mentioning about how the instruction ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ has been powerful for him in his meditation].

Ananta: It’s clear to me that you’ve been listening very well. It’s very good. I want to say that…, because there might be this question: But why doesn’t he say ‘these instructions for meditation’. These pointings, I keep saying ‘these pointings’. It is because it is very easy for us to pick up the meditator perspective, the meditator identity, the practitioner identity. And these pointings are more direct than that. And yet, if the feeling is there that ‘I must practice something’ then these pointings are meant for that as well.

So for some it might be that you hear those 3 basic questions:

The first one is: How am I to be rid of my suffering?

And the pointing is ‘Don’t believe your next thought’.

And when this is heard for some of you, it can be heard like this, that this is a beautiful instruction for me to follow formally. And for some of you, it might feel like it is pointing to our most natural state in day to day life. So the potency of it, as you start playing with it, becomes very clear. It is only sometimes the simplicity of it makes it seem a little bit illusive. It seems like ‘This cannot be one of the great pointings: Don’t believe your next thought’. It sounds like a bumper sticker. But actually, just in this, you will find that suffering identity, ego, all of these very quickly start sounding like alien concepts, just in not believing the next thought.

Also there is a part two to this pointing, which is that ‘Most of my thoughts, I’m able to let go of now without giving it belief, but there are certain sticky ones which it seems like belief goes to it too fast, or it just happens on its own. It doesn’t seem like I’m giving it belief. It seems like belief is automatically presented believed’.

So the second part of this pointing is that: Those which are recurring, sticky conditioning, strong identity, then those thoughts we pull into the inquiry.

So the thought could be ‘I’m not free yet’. So we pull this into the inquiry and say ‘Who is this ‘I’ who is not free?’  And we inquire and inquire and inquire until the point comes when this thought ‘I am not free yet’ becomes trivial, it becomes laughable, it loses all its juice. So in this way there is no one who can go through these two parts of the pointing and still survive with their suffering. It is just not possible.

The second questions is:
What about Consciousness, or God, or Atma? It seems like I’m free from suffering, but how do I discover this? I’m in this for God. How can I find God?

And the way that we define God is this Consciousness, the Presence I Am. And it was clear to me that in looking for Being, (from personal experience, direct experience), it was clear that when we go looking for Being, it can seem very confusing.

Therefore I prepared the question in this way; I said:

‘Can I stop being now? Can you stop being now?’

And when asked in this way, it became very clear:

No. Being is here. It cannot be stopped.

Presence is here. I am present.

I Am.

So, very quickly, by inverting the question, we come to the point very directly. I Am.

And for many, this discovery of Being is enough. In fact there are many paths which just stop here. This is the end. There are many traditions which just come to this point.

[Third question]: And yet, for some of you, this question might arise. It can seem like ‘I am aware, even of this Being’. Some of you might say ‘Even this Being, I am not; I am aware of it’. And for those of you who are looking for this absolute Self, I have another simple pointer which is:

Are you aware now? Am I aware now?

And upon hearing these for the first time, it might seem like these are very simple. But they are SO profound that no sense of ego, no sense of personhood can survive for those who have sincerely asked themselves these questions; who have sincerely contemplated on these.

And this discovery must come. After open contemplation on these, the discovery becomes very clear. So I call it:

The two A’s:

Capital ‘A’ of Awareness

and the small ‘a’ of appearance.

And it is seen that no matter what this appearance may be bringing, (what appearance in the world, what appearance in the mind as thoughts, what appearance as feelings, emotions, sensations);

No matter what the appearance is,

I-as-Awareness remain untouched, unmoved by this play.

So, these are the core of the pointing in some way. But because different expressions of Consciousness have different ways of using these, I have not prescribed a formal practice out of it. Because there are many who are stuck for a long time with the sense that ‘I must become better at my practice. My practice is evolving every day; it’s getting deeper…’ then the practitioner identity will come strongly.

Because I don’t actually feel that there could be anyone who could just look at these simple pointings, and just in a few days or weeks, not be free from their delusion. So even if it is a practice, it’s very short term.

Then every once in a while something can come up, and we can look at it again and say ‘What have I believed? Which thought have I picked up again?’ Then it’s just some sort of a weekly or monthly or yearly maintenance of the clean-up that happens. So, these are now seeded [seated?] with you, and you now play with them, experiment with them. See how you’re guided internally.

And at least for ‘Don’t believe your next thought’…, this has become more and more natural; whether you’re sitting formally or your just moving around, even working, you will find that this is the natural state of not believing your next thought. The ‘doing’ was in the ‘believing’. This is the dropping of the ball.

I had to put that caution in, because there are many even now waiting for some ‘going away’ instructions. ‘The retreat is ending, so what should I now do after this?’ But what we are pointing to is more direct than even that. Of course these pointings are with you. They are not going anywhere. They can always be used.

But right now, as you can see:

I Am this Awareness of all of this.

And nothing can take me away.

Then your practice might actually be a non-practice practice; just in one instant, you check. You didn’t sit in meditation, nothing; just not even the question ‘Who am I?’ was asked and you already checked. So instantly, this checking is possible. Like we talked about the checking from where the sun is rising from, but we don’t have to wait for a particular time. The sun, in this metaphor, is already always here. So it could just be through the day, in the middle of an email or walking to work, you checked a 100 times. Not even (I jokingly say sometimes), not even ‘Who am I?’…, just ‘Who?’ and you check. Sometimes by ‘Who?’ you’ve already checked.

Inquiry doesn’t have to be [serious tone & face]: ‘Who am I?’ It can start like, it’s okay. Because initially it’s cutting through all the mental resistance, so it’s fine to chop all of that off. But then there’s so much clarity that even the entire question ‘Who am I?’ is not needed. It’s just the feeling to check, and then checking happened.

So, would you call that a practice? Maybe. Maybe not. Just become more and more natural.

~ ~ ~
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From Silent Retreat in Tiruvannamalai.

18th October 2015 Afternoon

May the Master’s Grace, Satguru Moojiji’s Grace, always shine upon all of you.

May all those now and in the future who come with a sincere openness to find their true Self come to the unmistakable conclusion of Self which has always been here.

May my head be forever at the feet of my Master.
May his words continue to flow, just with his Grace like this, with his blessing.

May this Sangha be the light of this world. And all that come into your Presence, may they experience this Truth, Oneness and Love.

May all of you never, except momentarily, get tempted by this voice of the ego.

May all that has been shared here; may all this be ingrained in you and may it keep burning this light.

May my head always be at the feet of this beautiful Sangha.
May I always be just their servant.

May this Sangha of Being always be open and welcoming to all those, (irrespective of any characteristics); be always open and loving to all those who come in search of Truth.

May we always be grateful to this Grace, which is unfolding its gifts every day so beautifully to us. It is the same Grace which has allowed this retreat to happen, and all of us have managed to join whether here in person or online.

May Arunachala’s Grace, Bhagavan’s Grace, Papaji’s, Moojiji’s, all the Grace of this beautiful Oneness always be upon us.

And as we start to speak now again, may our words carry the perfume of the Satguru…, and  rarely be used to be the voice of the ego.

And as we formally end our silence now, may the first words out of our mouth be ‘Om’.

And we will chant together. Take a deep breath in. [Together]: Om

Satguru Mooji ki Jai
[Sangha]:

Satguru Mooji ki Jai.

Satguru Anantaji ki Jai.

Sangha ki Jai.

[Someone in room]: Om Shanti Shanti Shanti
~ ~ ~
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.
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From last day of Silent Retreat in Tiruvannamalai

18th October 2015 Afternoon

The voice of the ego, the voice of the mind, also derives its power from You. So although it might seem like the trickiest, most subtle, cunning voice that knows exactly what it needs to push, it cannot outsmart the Supreme Intelligence that You Are.

So let’s do a small exercise today to get to the root of the beliefs that we still seem to hold. Many of you are now saying that ‘I don’t know what I’m holding onto but it feels like I’m still holding onto something’. So let’s see then if we can unravel some of this, and use the trickster itself to uproot this trickster. Use the tricks of the ego to weaken the foundations of this identity.

So, just for ourselves, (I will not be asking you expose these if you don’t want to), find out what it is that you are the most fearful about.

What is your biggest fear?
What is the message underlying your biggest fear?

And come face to face with it. Don’t deny it; don’t try to push it away. Even if in satsang it doesn’t seem so strong, just stay with it. [Silence]

And if many of them are coming, then just start with one. We will look at all of them. Just start with one. [Silence]

This fear is a pointer to some attachment which still remains.
There is attachment at the root of fear.

Find out what type of attachment this is.
Is it to something in the world?
Is it to something that you seem to have?
[Silence]

Understand that whatever the fear is, it is based on this attachment. Come face to face with this attachment; no running, no resisting and no denial. Right now is not a good time to use denial. [Silence]

Let all the feelings associated with this attachment come up. Don’t hide, don’t run. [Silence]

Now find out which identity that you are carrying is attached to this attachment. [Silence]

If the attachment is to children, for example, then find out if it is the father or mother identity. If it is to a special relationship, look at the relationship identity; the identity which still must be dear to us that we are still attached to. Which identity are we unwilling to let go of? [Silence]

Now look at the thoughts which reinforce this identity;
the thoughts about this identity.
[Silence]

You will find that there is belief in these thoughts. Belief has been given to these thoughts, that’s why this identity still seems strong. No room for denial or proclamations. This is not the time for this kind of self-deception.

Look. Look closely.
Unravel the thoughts behind this identity.
[Silence]

Find the one thought;
the one thought which you’re not willing to let go of.
And stay with this one thought.
[Silence]

Inquire into who this thought is referring to?
Whose thought is this?
[Silence]

And as we look more and more,
we will find this thought does not apply to you at all,
because the ‘you’ to which is it referring does not exist.
[Silence]

Give up this thought. Let it go.
Allow it to burn in the fire of this satsang here.
[Silence]

We have been deluded by this long enough.
It is not in service to You.
It is only the doorway to misery.
[Silence]

And if for some of you this thought is coming up strongly to expose in satsang, you can do this now.

Q: ‘There is a part that comes from feeling inadequate, probably right from my childhood. Today I think I question my wife’s love for me, because of that, because it’s coming up strongly. … [Inaudible]… I know she loves me, but …[Inaudible]… ”

You feel like you’re not worthy enough.

Q: “Yes, she should show it more, and it’s really my sense of …[Inaudible].”

And this ‘my’ that this thought is referring to, does it exist?

Q: No.

So do you want to take us through this cycle of how it works? What was the biggest fear?

Q: “The biggest fear my whole life has been not being adequate enough.”

Not being adequate. Like a sense of unworthiness. And this fear pointed you to which attachment?

Q: “At first it came that it was my parents, then it came … [Inaudible]…”

And the identity which was revealed was this special relationship or close relationship’s identity?

Q: “The need for specialness.”

We find that this one who needs to feel special does not exist. It has always been an idea that I have had about myself. And in this process now, we are burning all these ideas. We’re letting them go. Because they don’t apply to us.

Q: “Strong fear when I try to run through all that we discuss…, the little things. The son identity. The brother identity. Just a little desire to spread this, to share this teacher role or whatever. ‘Let’s talk about this. There’s nothing else to talk about’. And then maybe the ‘seeker’ again. …[Inaudible]… Nothing like a really strong fear. Someone in the family will bring grief or something; the body’s death, story and so on.”

So, the trump cards are dissolving. Just some little remnants are getting together and making this soup of identity a little bit. [Smiles]

Q: “You know, the father says things… [Inaudible]…like I am wasting my life.”

The son identity. And when you look for the son, can you find it?

Q: “I can’t say it’s nothing. An energy there. Like it’s completely known that there is no son, but at the same time…”

‘I must fulfill their expectations’ is the key thought?

Q: “Yes.”

So not only are you buying the son-identity, you’re also believing that this non-existent identity is the doer of something, or can do something. Because if firstly, it doesn’t exist; secondly, that which does not exist cannot do anything, or fulfill or not fulfill expectations. So, isn’t this clear that this is only going to cause misery?

Q: “Yes.”

[Ananta laughs]. I feel like Byron Katie right now. [Sangha laughs] I was going to say actually ‘Is there one good reason to keep it?’ and the thought went directly to Katie. [Laughs] I’ve run out of original material. [Laughter].

There is actually no good reason to keep this.

Q: “As I’m exposing it, it’s funny…”

Yes, that’s the power of exposing; especially in front of people [here]. It can seem like something got burned in this process.

Q: “Yes, I feel relaxed.”

 
~ ~ ~
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Excerpt from Morning satsang of 18th October 2015
Silent Retreat with Ananta in Tiruvannamalai.

How many of you feel stuck? How many of you feel ‘I got it now’?

In either case, there must be a concept that there is somewhere to go to, or there is somewhere that I have gone. You can be stuck only if you were supposed to get to a certain distance and something came in your way. If there was somewhere to get to, then something can stop you and say ‘I seem stuck’. If it is the starting point itself, if you have never left the destination, then how can we be stuck? It is the idea of getting somewhere that makes us seem stuck. And it can be because we’re hearing some reports, some experiences. Even sometimes it happens that we are in such a state of just quietness that when someone comes with a very highly charged, very negative report, something there is saying ‘Please, even that would be more exciting than what is happening now’. [Laughter] ‘Even that would be better’.

So remember that there truly is nowhere to get to. You already are that. It is only our refusal to look at what is already here, and to continue to go along with some mental projection of where I need to be, that can create this feeling of being stuck.

Are we willing to give up this mental projection of freedom, or not? Because no actual experience will live up to your mental projection of what freedom is.

And if you already know what freedom is, if you already know it, then what do you need satsang for if you already know? If you’re still going along with some idea that the mind is painting for you that could also be just, you know…, very often I’ve heard this common feeling that ‘I’m at the edge of the cliff. I just have to jump’. It’s not true. There’s nowhere to jump TO. Can you jump inside yourself?

At best it is a question of bringing our attention inwards. Just checking what is here.

And many of you are now saying that ‘Yes, when I check I find no person’. ‘When I check, I find this Presence of Being, and I see myself to be even the Witness of this’. You’re saying words which are scriptural already, from your direct experience.

But still the mind is saying ‘No, no, no, but still…, it should always be like this’. And I say ‘But it is! How can it leave?’ [And you say] ‘But …, something’.

If we go along with this ‘something’ which is nothing but a feeling, or a thought, then it can be endless. Then we can keep meeting lifetime after lifetime after lifetime. And every lifetime you’ll tell me that there is ‘something’. When will it end? If you are still willing to go along with this ‘Something is stopping me, something is blocking me, something is not happening’ at least let’s not keep it vague. Let’s be clear, exactly what? Then we can look at it. ‘But something feels I’m still a person’. There’s no cure for this ‘something’. This ‘something’ is just imagined.

Are you open to the possibility that Right Now You Are Free?

[Silence]

And the trouble is that our knowledge, our intellect gets in the way, and it says ‘But that’s a rare thing, to be free. How can all of us sitting in this room be free?’ Many have said ‘It’s one in a million or one in a billion’. Are you going to continue to buy these stories? Are you willing to look directly at yourself…, to see that only You are Here? Only You have always been Here, and this ‘I’ has always been what has been looked for? That it is just This.

That’s why yesterday we did this exercise of exposing which thought is still getting belief; and throwing it into the fire of satsang. And we heard mostly everything, isn’t it? Most of the objections of the mind came up. And we say ‘it is the same guy’, the same one that is giving us the same stories.

Don’t go with the thought that says ‘I still don’t see it’. Because the Seeing is Here. And if you saw it, then that would be it; because it cannot be seen phenomenally. You are not a thing; you are not an object which will be found in the same way in which we are used to finding things.

But the pointing ‘Who am I?’ takes care of the false …, because when we check ‘Who am I?’ you see that there is no ego, there is no separation, there is no person. Almost immediately upon asking the question, you can see this: ‘I don’t find the one that I have been referring to myself as, all this while’.

‘Then, who am I?

I have the sense that I exist, that I Am.

This I cannot deny.

And I am aware of even this Presence, this sense’.

We can very easily say these words: ‘I am aware’.

What is this awareness?

What is this knowingness, Seeingness?

How is it separate from You?

And whether your mind likes it or not, you cannot become a ‘thing’. You will never be able to point to a thing and say ‘There, I found it. That is me’. And some of you, the mind is playing tricks with; giving you a visual, showing you some empty, dark space: ‘See, this is it; this is what you are’.  Who Sees this? Or some bright light, or some energetic beautiful aura. Who Sees this? Don’t go with any imagination, any idea; just stay and see what is the Seeing itself. Who is Seeing?

And how long will you believe this objection from the mind saying ‘This…, I don’t get this. This is too abstract for me’… ‘Until Being, it is fine. But when it comes to Awareness, then I lose it’. Don’t buy this.

Because you are saying ‘I am aware’.

How can you then say, after ‘I am aware’…, that ‘I don’t know what Awareness is?’

If I ask any of you ‘Are you aware now?’ you will say ‘Yes, I am aware’. And then very quickly say ‘I am aware OF…’  Quickly, we will go to the ‘OF’, the content. Of what? Of this, of that. But already you are saying ‘I am aware OF it’. Aware! That means you know you are aware. This is the awareness that we are talking about.

I am aware that I am aware.

I know that I am aware.

But here, just here, the mind pulls all its tricks and says ‘Now this is becoming too difficult. I’m not getting it’. … ‘Yes, you are not getting this. You keep quiet’. We’re not interested in the mind getting this. Allow me to bypass this one.

What I’m saying is very simple. You say ‘I am aware’. By just this: ‘I am aware’ (which means ‘I know that I am aware’), which is the same as ‘I am aware that I am aware’.

This is it.

This is Awareness being aware of Itself.

No fireworks need to happen, no experience needs to happen. Even you cannot report that something happened because Awareness is not experienced phenomenally.

It is enough that you say: I Am Aware.

This ‘I’ that is aware is Awareness Itself.

[Silence]

~ ~ ~
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From Silent Retreat  in Tiruvannamalai, 17th October 2015 Afternoon

Q: I don’t have a burning question, but there is a burning.

So, let me ask you a burning question: With all integrity, what is the truest introduction you could give me about yourself?

Q: The image I see of myself is….

No, not the image you see of yourself. The truest introduction.

Q: Anything I say would be an image.

Does it have to be? You can just point towards that which is not an image also. I will understand what you mean.

Q: Seeker.

What do you mean, seeker? [Silence]

Q: The one who has this love for discovery and to know the nature of reality.

The one who has this love for discovery and to know the nature of reality. This one looks like what? [Silence] Tell me one attribute of this one.

Q: Devotion.

Devotion belongs to this seeker-entity. What is the attribute? What is the color of this seeker-entity?

Q: Just awareness.

Awareness is seeking?

Q: There is awareness of the seeker.

Awareness of the seeker. So are you the content which is seen, which seems like a set of beliefs which make a seeker? So, are you that which is Seeing? Or are you that which is seen?

[Silence] Suppose for a minute that you are that which is seen. Then who is doing the Seeing? If you’re the content, then who is the witness of the content?

Q: It does not feel like I am the content, but it is that content is what is being Seen all the time; and the content has the qualities.

The content has the qualities. So the movie is playing a certain way. So if you go to a movie that is playing a certain way, do you become that which is seen in the movie? [Silence]

Q: There seems to be some kind of accepting understanding that this story of the seeker has to run out, has to play itself out, and it seems to be mindful of compassionate acceptance of this thing that the seeker…

Yes, the story of the seeker can play. It can play. Nobody is stopping that play; don’t be worried about the seeker and what will happen to it.

But can you actually become this seeker and show me how you do it? [Silence]

Q: There is awareness of seeing this construct, whatever; there is this awareness of something which has come together and now it appears as a seeker. There are times where it is just a Seeing and a compassionate acceptance of it. There are times when there is identification with it.

Okay, so let’s deconstruct this, because this is important:

Thought is an energy construct.
An emotion, sensation, feeling is an energy construct.
The body is an energy construct.
But the seeker…, is it even an energy construct?
[Silence]
Does it have even energetic existence?

Q: It is seen and clear to me, but there are these thoughts coming together that give the notion of a seeker; or there is more to it than the thoughts coming.

There is nothing more to it. There is nothing more to it other than the belief that we had in our thoughts. I’ll give you an example which I often use in satsang. The identity is nothing but a photo album. Okay? Every thought that you pick up becomes a photo in this photo album. Now, we can go through thought by thought and remove the identity, but that seems like a very long drawn process. The simplest would be if we could pick up the entire album and throw it away. But a very rare one is able to do that.

But what is possible is that we look at it section by section. So all freedom related thoughts create the seeker identity, seeker section. No? If you’re in a relationship, then all the relationship thoughts become the relationship section; parent, son, all of these identities. Now, for those in satsang, this seeker identity seems to take a lot of space in this album. But it is still nothing but a collection of thoughts, a collection of beliefs.

You must look and show me how there is something else to the seeker except a set of beliefs. [Silence]
Does it have even an atomic or molecular existence?
[Silence]
Where is it located in time and space?

Q: It is those bundle of thoughts, things like that coming together, that give …

That do what? A bundle of thoughts is actually experienced only one thought at a time. Isn’t it? The mind is not saying two things at the same time. It’s like this mouth; the voice of the mind is also saying like that, one thought at a time. It might come fast, and you might say ‘There’s a lot of it’. But our experience is only one message coming at one time; at one instant.

So this bundle of thoughts is just a way to represent, when we’re speaking, as analogy to describe the mind. There is no bundle actually. [Silence]

Right now, is there a seeker here? [Silence]

There never is. But you can pretend to be one by believing your thought. Which again, is coming only one at a time.

So, what you are saying is that ‘I want to let the seeker play out’. But as long as you know that it doesn’t exist, and you want to play this imaginary game, then fine; nothing can stop you. Because nothing can take away your power to pretend. [Silence]

Who is it that is pretending?
Who pretends to be the seeker?
We can say there is a seeker identity.
Okay. Whose identity is it?

Q: I mean, it is there in that thought form…

Where? Where is the thought form?

Q: Where thoughts are.

Where?

Q: They come and they go; they’re nothing.

Where is the thought form of the seeker?

Q: [Laughs]

Say from experience. Don’t say from any knowledge.

Q: So, when a thought comes, and when there is a kind of ownership or attachment to the thought, then …

Thought comes. Let’s break this down. Thought comes and you said it’s an energy construct. Thought comes. What can happen to a thought? What can you do with a thought? There are two things. One is you can give it your attention, be with the thought. Second you can buy it, give it your belief; which means that ‘This is meaningful for me’. Besides this, anything else you can do with a thought? Anything else?

Q: This seems to be the …

So now a thought is coming, attention is going. Is there a sense that there is a seeker because of attention going to a thought? [Silence] No seeker yet. There is a thought ‘I want freedom’. Attention has gone there; we can see it saying ‘I want freedom’.

But there is also belief which can be given or not. If belief is given, then it seems like we have created this ‘me’ who wants freedom; because the ‘I’ that the thought is talking about is the imagined man. So we have believed that this imagined ‘I’ exists; that’s why we believe the thought. But it continues to be only a belief. No actual seeker came into existence. Not even in a subtle form. It was just an idea, just a belief.

Whose belief was it? The power of belief belongs to the same Consciousness Being. That’s why we say that ‘If you want to see God pretending to be a person, believe your next thought’.

But do you want to see God pretending to be a person, or not?
That is the choice that God is making.
~ ~ ~
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From Morning satsang of 17th Oct. 2015
Silent Retreat with Ananta in Tiruvannamalai