You see, also there’s something very subtle there. I see it’s very popular in Advaita now to speak the truth, but there’s some jerkiness in this also, which is to say ‘Yes, yes, the true Master is within you, so why do I need to bow down to someone?’ This kind of stuff can come. I see on Facebook also a lot of this stuff.

But this is not the right way to look at it. Yes, it is true, because within, of course, the Guru is your own intuitive Presence, this God Presence, Consciousness Itself. But it cannot be denied that we are extremely blessed to be in even the physical Presence of that which is the truest, most beautiful embodiment of this Satguru, the most transparent embodiment that I have seen. And I’ve seen quite a few, as you know.. So, I feel that great gratitude, great reverence must be for this even human embodiment…, at least that’s the way it plays here.

I feel that there’s some resistance, or some mental stuff going on with you to say ‘Oh, I don’t need to bow down to any Guru because I discovered the Satguru’s within’. And if you find the Satguru within, when it appears even within the physical manifestation, the same Presence, the same smell, the same fragrance, how can you not bow down? I don’t see this as a possibility.

This one takes the form of this outer manifestation. It’s true. But if there can be reverence to this One [points to Heart] then there is also reverence to the physical manifestation of that One.

So, may we never be that ‘Advaita’ [chuckles] that we’d have a resistance to bowing down to the feet of my Master.

Q: Thank you. [Namaste]

Ananta: [Namaste]

[Q: Places his head for long moments at Anantaji’s feet ]

~ ~ ~

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From Silent Retreat in Tiruvannamalai -30th March – Afternoon

Namaste everyone. Very warm welcome to satsang today. Sri Moojiji ki Jai !

Bong and I were speaking a while ago, and I noticed that many times it can be that when we say that ‘You are not the doer’ the mind takes it on to mean that ‘I should not do anything’. Because the mind only understands the two ends of the spectrum; either doing or not doing. So you say ‘I am not the doer’…, that means that I should not do anything. It is not this. It is the neutrality which is neither the doing nor the non-doing. Because actually an active non-doing is also a doing; you’re doing the non-doing. At least pretending to. So it is neither of the two. It is just this witnessing whatever is coming up. And like I was saying yesterday, this is how this whole play becomes such a joyous leela. So for example, he doesn’t know what’s going to happen next. He’s here now. He doesn’t know whether he’ll be back home or whether he’ll be in India.., Delhi, Rishikesh, Bangalore, another…, I can choose for him some more. [Laughs]

So this is the wonder. Just watch. What’s going to happen today? I just don’t know. Like I was saying, satsang is a beautiful play because I just don’t know what is going to happen after this. Someone has his hand up. I just don’t know what he’s going to say. So it just can be anything. And it’s wonderful like this. When we are not attached to outcomes, when we’re not attached to any sense of where my life is supposed to be, we just watch it play out.

I like to watch movies. Some of you know that. But I like to watch movies without seeing the trailers. Because even in the trailer it gives you an expectation of what to expect. You just go, fresh. You don’t know how it’s going to turn out.

We really don’t know what the next one minute will be like. And we have some idea about the rest of our lives. We don’t even know …, this might be the last day of our life. We don’t know. This could be it actually. It could be the last satsang we ever attend. Anything can happen.

It’s not scary. To the mind, this is very scary. The loss of control to the mind is very scary. But when we look back, we see that it never really had any control. And thank God for that, because if everything the mind thought, we had the power to make that come true, then we would be the most arrogant, most egoistic; if every desire was to just manifest itself.

So this neutrality of not knowing left or right, one side dueling the other side…, just experiment with this, and see if it just stops. Just experiment with not knowing, and see if it just stops.

He came at me today and said ‘You told me not to decide, and I was waiting at a turn for one hour not knowing whether to go left or right’. So that is exactly what was meant to happen.

So this is the neutrality; neither the doing nor the non-doing. And in this space, this Witnessing space, we cannot trouble ourself with any concepts like ‘my life, my life’…, all these ideas of what we think is good for us.

Many of you know, most of you know actually… some of you know the story that I was in the silent retreat, and in this case what happened is through this day there was not this sense of fear, resistance or something blocking. It was just that I was sitting in the retreat. Then it started bursting, and all these business ideas started coming…, ‘Start this dot-com, make this happen, do this and then you’ll make it big time. This is the best idea you ever had’. It was rubbish, of course, but at that time it seemed like so, so important. ‘Just leave this [retreat], you can always come back, you can always come back. But now onto this; and you’ll be able to help the sangha so much and we can make our own ashram in India’. It was giving all of these stories. Through Grace I recognized that this is all just trickery.

So, this is the second day for you, and maybe for some of you some ideas are coming, some…, you might be getting business ideas. [Chuckles] But some other things might be coming; resistance, ‘What am I doing here? Is he really my Master? Am I really meant to be here?’ All of this. None of it is important actually. You are just here. And you’re witnessing all of this. Nothing else is required to be known.

There’s a misunderstanding also about the word ‘knowing’. That’s why I say there’s a small ‘k’, you know, ‘knowing’, which is the knowing of a mental concept of something. ‘I know it’. Mental concept of something is the small ‘k’.

The capital ‘K’…, ‘Knowing’ is that which is directly experienced. That which we are aware of is the Awareness itself, is the Knowingness which we speak of. That which Knows that you are here. Who doesn’t know that you are here? You Know You Are. Do you need the mind to Know this? Do you need a thought to say ‘Yes, yes, you are here’? Prior to that, You Are. This Knowing. This Knowingness is what we are talking about.

And it doesn’t look like anything. This is why the mind struggles so much. It wants to find the Self as if it is an object to be discovered. ‘I’m looking for the Self, I’m looking for the Self’. And then when you start discovering that it’s no-thing, the mind is still dissatisfied, because it wanted to see some magical appearance. It wanted to see a vision of yourself with 10,000 hands, huge form, bigger than Arunachala. [Smiles] Then if this doesn’t happen, you say ‘Okay, I accept that I really have no form. But at least there should be some by-product in the form. There should be some glory, some bliss, some radiance should come out of me’. Even this is not a true testament of freedom.

So then we say ‘Okay, at least now I should not get angry’. And yet, anger will appear. You’ve seen also in sages…, you may have seen, like, Maharaj. It can seem like anger was appearing very naturally. And I’ve heard of some other sages in India carrying sticks around. [Laughs]. Whack! Whack! Also the zen masters hit. So all these things can appear momentarily. But does that mean that this is not freedom?

So as long as we’re checking back with our mental state, the mind saying ‘No, no, almost there. Take the final leap. Jump off the cliff’. Something… ‘Trust more completely. Surrender now.’ Some advice it’s giving you. Or we’re referring to our emotional state. ‘Oh, this is here. I was in satsang bliss, and bliss went away. This, that, is what I wanted, and that went away. That’s why I’m not free’.  It’s not true like this. Your mental state or your emotional state is not describing the reality of what you are. It is not talking about That which witnesses both of these; it is not even describing the Presence in which they appear.

Who is the mind talking about? And yesterday I said that we walked one step together. It is to see that the person does not exist. So who is the mind talking about, if not for this made-up entity?

And for many of you, the mind is coming and saying now ‘Yeah, you know this stuff’. Who? Don’t even buy that mental conclusion. It only knows how to reinforce the ego. So what happens is that we keep buying our stories of unworthiness. You see? And when we’re done with that, we start buying the stories of our spiritual ego. You see, so it’s neither unworthiness nor great proclamations of ‘I made it’ or ‘I’m something’. Neither unloveablity nor arrogance. Anything with the mind, it’s always like this. It does not understand neutrality. It does not understand that it’s neither end of the spectrum.

And when I say that ‘It is no-thing that You Are; this Awareness is what You Are’…, you notice the tendency of the mind to paint a picture of even this for you. It tries to tell you that there is this dark space which is unlimited. Not even that. Many have gotten stuck in this visual; this one visual they have gotten stuck in for many, many years. Who is the Witness of even this picture the mind is painting? Can you say that It is dark, or light? Can you say It is white or black; any attribute big or small? Nothing at all you can say about This. So don’t go with any imagination. Because it will leave you with the delusion that you’ve got Awareness. ‘Oh, you’ve got it now! This is it! I’m seeing unlimited space.’ And you’re just visualizing it. The mind is giving you this visual, saying that ‘That is it! I got it! …That!’

That which witnesses the Witnessing itself…, the Knowing Itself, THAT is it, THIS is it. It has no shape, no form.

And for too long, we have looked for ourself as some sort of form. ‘When I discover my true Self’ has implied that I will discover some luminous deity that I am.

THAT which is the witness of ALL that appears and disappears, who does that look like?

And if it looks like something, then who looks at that?

If it looked like anything at all, then who sees that?

This is what is meant by going to the Source of reality.

There are also those in satsang who have understood everything I’m saying mentally; made a beautiful conceptual framework out of it. And it’s not that difficult to do, because we have demystified all the most confusing concepts. We’ve looked at this all very, very simply. So this can be the disadvantage of that. If the mind says ‘Oh, I understood this, I understood this. Now, this piece of the puzzle is still missing, so today I’ll ask about this and get to that. Finish my research’. That is not it. If all that happened as a result of this time that we are spending together is that we started with a concept of being a person and ended with a concept of being God or no-thing, then I’ve not done my job properly. If it is still conceptual, it is not directly experienced.

So, don’t try to understand this mentally. Whatever is being said here, you should be able to check for yourself…, anyone should be able to check for youself, and see whether this is your experience or not. And if it’s not, you must stop me and say ‘Ananta, this is not what I see. You say it is like this’. Then we sit and we check together.

And all this mind resistance about ‘This is too difficult or too abstract; this is not something I understand’…, I can understand this trouble actually. Who can understand this stuff mentally? ‘God takes birth inside You’…, which mind can process that? It has to be your own direct Seeing that This Light of Consciousness is appearing within my Awareness. Then these words will not seem complex, they will not seem abstract.

Because this is already what is happening for you. If you try to understand here [points to his head], remember and know what is being spoken then it becomes difficult. We use these words as pointers so you can check and validate. And I’m here, so if you say ‘I checked, and I see something different’. I am always open to that kind of conversation. Always open. With openness, actually; with openness of being wrong also. You see? So I am not so attached to any concept. So if you come and say ‘Let’s look at this, and maybe you’ve got something wrong’ I am open to that.

And may there never be any arrogance like that here, that ‘I got it all’. Often I have said that ‘If there is some arrogance here, through Guruji’s grace may it be slapped out of me’. And some friends say ‘Why do you always say slapped out of me? Why can’t you just say dissolved gently…?’  I understand where they’re coming from. [Laughs]

[Silence]

~ ~ ~

From Silent Retreat Tiruvannamalai – 27^th March 2016 – Satsang 1

Namaste everyone. Very warm welcome to satsang this afternoon.
Satguru Moojiji ki jai !

Ananta: Please come.

Q: I really want to use this time and this energy and this group, which I know is going to end at some point, to look at anything that the mind could come with later. And I feel like I ran away a little bit early yesterday thinking that nobody wants to see just a silence, you know. Sometimes nothing comes, but more and more if nothing’s there, then nothing’s there.

So there’s nothing experiential that can verify ‘I am this Awareness’.

A: In a way, you can say it like that. But also, in a way, you can say that it’s a non-phenomenal experience. You see? Because that depends on the way we use the word ‘experience’. So when I say ‘Are you aware now?’ you say ‘Yes’. So, for me, I would call that a non-phenomenal experience, which is Awareness became aware of itself and this confirmation is clear. You see? But it is not like a tasted experience. It’s not something that was phenomenally experienced, either through the senses or seemingly internally perceived. Isn’t it?

And yet, we can say that what happened in this instant was that attention just came back, like springs back home. The minute you ask yourself ‘Am I aware now?’ what is happening? It’s just that something that was pulling away in the phenomenal realm; that drops and for at least an instant, and attention is here: ‘Yes’. So I would say it is a direct Seeing. Now whether we call that experience or not is based on terminology.

I am aware that I am aware. Directly.

Q: Maybe what I meant is that there’s nothing I can look at that can verify where it is I’m looking from. And I think that’s been the habit. And I think particularly because of these openings. And I remember you saying the Beingness gets refined and refined and refined and refined, and I think I’ve been looking at that, waiting for the final …

A: Let me do a little bit…, and I also feel it’s very helpful for the group, what this means. Because this recognition of what I am, this Awareness being aware of Itself, is always in the Right Now. This truth is available right now. This Self is here right now. Awareness aware of Itself. It’s an instant recognition. And this has always been here, and unchanged. So for Awareness, nothing is happening, whether satsang or not satsang. Clear about that?

Q: Yes,

A: No person ever existed. So nothing is happening to the person because it never existed. You see? So satsang is not for the person, nor for Awareness. Then what is left? What is left? Who is even coming to the recognition that I Am Awareness? Is it Awareness.

Q: No.

A: It is this one, the dynamic aspect of it, that plays as Consciousness; although ultimately made up of Awareness Itself. This plays as the more solid form, like water and ice. You see? It plays as this dynamic form called Consciousness which is recognizing its own Source. ‘Where did I come from? What am I really?’

So what is happening, in the checking, is that Being is coming to the recognition that ‘I Am arising out of this Awareness’. And in this instantaneous recognition, a large part of the conditioning that has been picked up along the way…, that gets dropped off. A large part of the conditioning has dropped off.

Sometimes it seems so strong that it seems like all of it dropped off. In that moment, it can seem like everything dropped off. ‘I find no ‘me’. There is no separation.’ It seems like everything is gone. And that is what we call an awakening experience, if it happens like that. You see? Sometimes, every satsang, some of it is going, some of it is going.

Sometimes, every satsang, something new we’re picking up as spiritual concept. So that’s what I was trying to avoid in the morning when I was saying ‘Don’t pick up any ideas from here’.

So, like we said, for Awareness nothing changed; nothing can ever change. No person ever existed. So this play is all Consciousness; Consciousness which had conditioned Itself with all these ideas about Itself, and now is deconditioning Itself through satsang.

Sometimes, in the instantaneous recognition that ‘I arise out of Awareness’ the large bulk of the conditioning is gone, and it feels like stunned. But sometimes the concept ‘It is done’ itself becomes the conditioning; ‘I got it’ itself can become the conditioning.

That’s why I say that ‘You are free now’. What does that mean? As Awareness you are free. But the advice is ‘Keep coming to satsang’. For who? The Beingness. There is nothing here for the person. You see? So Consciousness in this monologue is saying to Itself: ‘Hey, buddy, you know, it’s good, what we’ve walked together so far, but let’s just keep at it’. You know? That’s the real monologue that God is having with Itself. It’s all part of the game.

But in the game, my role is to help you chop off this stuff. So my role is that. And I’ve always conformed to that role. There is plenty in the world which is helping you to add on stuff. Give you newer skills, help you with this, help you become a better person in that, better in that, adding on more and more attributes. It’s the rare ones who are saying ‘Okay, we want to take away all of this from you. Whatever you have, we want to take away’. What does it mean? Not materially. It’s whatever you have picked up as an idea about yourself.

So Being, which is pure ‘I Am’ has picked up ‘I am like this, I am honest, I am a seeker, I want freedom’. You know? All of these ideas which are then releasing themselves in satsang.

The quickest way is to keep checking: ‘Where do I come from? What am I?’

And Seeing ‘Yes, I am Awareness aware of Itself. It’s here. This is where I come from, this is my Source’.

So, this is very beautiful that we can explore like this together. And I want to add a little bit on to this.

Consciousness is two primal forces, isn’t it? It has the force of attention, and it has the force of belief. I would say these two are the very, very primal forces of Consciousness. So if we use the attention itself to come to the instant recognition…, just like this: ‘Am I aware now?’ or ‘Who am I?’ or whatever works to come to this Seeing that ‘I am this Seeing Itself…, this awareness that I am this Awareness itself’. So we use attention for that. And using attention in this way, it takes away a lot of the conditioning. You see?

Now, what happens is, because we recognize that attention can be used in this way, we try to get complete mastery over our attention. ‘It should always be like this. I should always keep it like that’.

I’ve never seen one who has succeeded in doing this; just keeping attention one-pointed. Even the sadhu’s, the yogi’s, they try to so many techniques; it doesn’t work. But it’s not really needed that way. It’s not so much hard work. Just once in a while to check ‘What am I?’ ‘Who am I?’ and this attention goes back to This. And yet, in the rest of the times, it’s allowed to play freely. We’re not so much controlled…, ‘not here, or not there’. Freedom is not like a constricted state where we’re trying to control our attention. Attention left free is still attached to You. You see?

Q: Yeah, I see. It’s like in the beginning there’s such a joy in the sense of bringing the attention back and suddenly there’s this Beingness. But more and more, this sense of a ‘me’…, even this melting into the Beingness. So, that is happening by itself. Coming to satsang is happening by itself. This retreat happened by itself.

A: All of this is happening by itself, and you can see that it is happening. And this which seemed to be like a play that I had to manage now seems like a wonderful appearance which is happening moment to moment. Like, attention is used in this way. So just check…, ‘Who am I?’ but not to try to force it into something. You see? Too many are trying to force attention into something. So, we’re not to do that.

The other…, the second primal power what we have, is called the power of belief. Now, this power has been vastly misunderstood. So what happens is this energy construct called thoughts comes, and we have the power to believe the thought or not. Some will say ‘No, I don’t have this power at all. I can’t find this belief’. So if I say ‘You have green colored horns coming up on your head right now’…, would you believe it? You would say ‘No’. The thought could be ‘Oh, you have horns which are sprouting on your head’. ‘I don’t believe it’. This is the power of belief; as simple as that.

Now, it is much simpler to divest this thought from our belief…, to divest belief from this thought, than to try and pull our attention away. Because the more we try to pull it away, the more it wants to check, you know, ‘What is it saying?’

So we stop playing that game now. We use only attention in one way, which is to check ‘Who am I?’ …, ‘Am I aware now?’ And we don’t give belief to anything that the mind is saying.

For some, this much is enough. Just this much. ‘I use my attention in this way, and I don’t use my belief in any way’. This much pointing is enough.

Now, some will say that ‘There are some thoughts which seem to automatically get my belief. What do I do about those?’ Isn’t it? For those, you will check and find that these thoughts are usually about your main trump card identities. And for satsang, for people who come to satsang, it’s mostly about satsang itself; freedom itself. Or about relationships or something like that. So when it comes like that, and they seem to automatically get you, then we use that. We pull them into our inquiry. So the thought could be ‘You’re not free yet. You haven’t got it yet. You’re just faking it’. So then you say ‘Who? Who wants to be free? Who has not got it yet?’

And we don’t leave it until actually it sounds like a joke when the thought comes. ‘You haven’t got it yet’… ‘It’s just a joke’. [Laughs] Because we’ve looked at it, and we saw there is nobody here to get anything. You see?

So, even this trick of the mind, to say that ‘Oh, but this automatically gets my belief’ then is used as an opportunity to inquire. And then it starts becoming very light.

I’m giving you all these tips today so that …, you know, you seem to get stuck in some of these…, so you’ll be watchful of these.

So sometimes what happens is that we’re too quick with inquiry. We say ‘Okay, I’m going to inquire into ‘Who wants relationship?’ or ‘Who has trouble with relationship?’ And say ‘Who am I?’ … ‘Oh, nobody. Oh, no trouble. Okay, finished, done’. You see? Like that. But it’s not like this. Really look. And say ‘Whose relationship is it?’ [Silence] This thought comes ‘I should have the perfect partner’ or ‘I don’t have a good partner’. Something… ‘Who is this one who wants a better partner?’ See, really look, with full integrity. And we keep looking until this thought playing in our head actually has no juice left. You see? In this way, then we are not postponing anymore. But really, really look.

And this identity will be divested with so much past belief. The sticky ones are those which have been nourished in the past, you see, with our own belief. So those are the stickiest ones. So, those we are looking at now and really pulling them in, and shining our own light on it and saying ‘What are you talking about? Who are you talking about?’ You find that there is nobody there.

Then next time when this thought comes, it’s not as sticky. Then you say ‘Okay, I can choose not to believe it’. I-as-Consciousness, of course. So then as belief is divested more and more and more, then you find very naturally that attention doesn’t want to go so much to this. Then very naturally you feel like attention is resting more peacefully at home, and it is very rare for belief to go and pick up some ideas.

So, in this way, the two powers of Consciousness which lead to this pretend play of person-person are themselves being used to come back from this play. This I feel is the simplest, simplest way, (if we can call it that), to really come to this discovery of what we are.

The discovery, like I said, is always Right Now. It is the dropping off of conditions which seems to play in time. And therefore we must not be so concerned about how it is happening for ‘me’, why I don’t have this laughing/crying experience, why I don’t have this awakening experience, head exploding, any of tha?’ Because for some, it [conditioning] goes in big chunks, and when they are going, it can seem like ‘wow, wow!’ And for some, it goes slowly; slowly it is dissolving. Okay?

So, today is Easter, isn’t it? This actually is the resurrection of the Being. The Being which was pretending to be personal got crucified, and now this Being is resurrected. It is not personal at all. It is free from all of this conditioning. So this is the true Easter, resurrection of Consciousness, of Being; unassociated, unburdened with ideas, with conditioning.

And sometimes, (actually it has to be said), we come to this point where even the idea that ‘I hope this is the last thing! I hope I don’t waver from this’…, even that is sometimes the only burden remaining actually; the only conditioned idea remaining. Although, for a while, it seemed to have served us because it lead to this non-tolerance of anything that the mind was saying. But sometimes, this also becomes a message from the mind saying ‘Just make sure it’s done, okay?’

The good thing is that this recognition, (because now you have checked over and over), this recognition is SO clear that it is not going anywhere. It’s really not going anywhere. It’s available every instant to you, isn’t it? It’s just that sometimes some conditioning can try to act up every once in a while. And that’s why we have satsang. When the season starts for me, it’s continuous, Monday through Friday. No room for the mind to escape. [Chuckles]

I feel very clearly now we have defined this so-called spiritual journey. And I feel very happy to be able to share these things so simply because then the mind cannot really play around too much with all of this.

~ ~ ~

From Silent Retreat Tiruvannamalai – 27th March – Satsang 2

Namaste and a very warm welcome to satsang this afternoon. Satguru Moojiji ki Jai.

Q: I’m still trying to locate the awareness, the ultimate, that which sees and never moves and never has moved… , even the Being, the Existence isn’t apart from it.

A: So let’s try. Let’s try to locate it. How will we do it? We can see that it is here, but it is not here spatially. So we look at this Awareness and we see that ‘I do not find a spatial location of it. It’s just here’. But actually within this ‘here’ all space is arising. And this is kind of like contemplation actually. Because you can say ‘Where am I?’ when we are referring to ourself as this absolute Awareness. We try to find…, ‘Here, here? Spatially?’ Is it like all the other content which seems to be appearing in the space of my own Being? Is this Awareness also like that?

Q: No. It’s also so obvious that I’m already looking from That.

A: Yes. It’s just that we’re not used to looking at things non-phenomenally, therefore we have to use terms like ‘here’ and ‘there’ but actually this is prior to here and there; before the concept of here and there, before the sense of there-ness and here-ness. This is always present; even before Presence.

So if all things are arising from this Presence…, all the forces, time and space, everything, then we see that This that I truly Am, before ‘I Am’…, cannot be located in this way. Is there anything that is non-phenomenal in this appearance?

Q: No.

A: All appearance is phenomena.

Q: Including Being.

A: Including Being, ultimately. I call it ‘primordial phenomenon, the primal appearance; the immaculate conception’. All other phenomenon has a parent, which is this Being; everything comes from this Being.

Q: And the Being is not phenomenal in an objective way in that it’s there, it’s so obvious it’s there, but I can’t quantify it any way. I can’t find any edge to it, and I can’t find any properties, and I guess that’s the thing. It’s just a thought, but it’s there…, to expose it somehow because if the Beingness has no qualities whatsoever, no edge, no attributes, what could possibly be watching that, and able to look at that? To be able to look at something and say ‘Yes’…, where could it be that I am to …?

A: Definitely not in space. That which you perceive…, that is, to perceive That from which space is born, that can definitely not be in space. Just like the witness of a dream is not within the dream; the dream is within it. So if this is a dream…, we’re trying to say ‘How do I find this Awareness within this dream construct?’ It’s not possible. Then we’re waking up, saying ‘That was a dream’ because it was within me. So, the dream was within Being, but where Being comes from cannot be within Being. It has no spatial location; time and space don’t apply to it. That is why it is eternal, timeless, endless. Everything else, all phenomenon, is time bound.

Q: So this tendency to watch for a moment, to say that …, because even the Beingness moves in its very, very unique way, its subtle way. You know, its tendency to search for the carrot.

A: So what would you say…, in the sense that…, what would have to move for you to say ‘That’s Awareness’.

Q: [Silence]

A: All movement must be the grandchild of Awareness. All movement must be within Being. So what would move for us to make that conclusion ‘Oh, that’s Awareness’?

Q: It’s just there, and [sounds like] I’ll move through it.

A: Take an example, when it came up ‘Oh, that’s Awareness’. Do you have one?

Q: Well, it’s so clear that nothing could move that is Awareness. I think I’m just getting so engrossed in this tendency, this habit of [points in front of him] ‘Ah, that’s it’.

A: All that.

Q: Even Beingness, ‘Ah, I can see it now’. And I just want to … drop it.

A: Yes, because we’re looking together and really, truly looking and asking ‘What would it be, that we could say ‘That’s Awareness!’

Sometimes I jokingly say that maybe to say ‘I Am That’ is not the most accurate.

Maybe what comes closer is ‘I Am This’.

But actually ‘I Am’ is closer than even ‘I Am This’.

But the ‘I’ is really what we are talking about; even prior to Am-ness.

Because truly we cannot say ‘That’ for Awareness. [Silence] In fact, Awareness is the only thing (if we can call it that) that is not a ‘that’. Everything else, we can say ‘that’ or ‘Being’ as Presence; that appearance, that Presence. But Awareness, what would we be pointing to?

~~ ~

From Silent Retreat Tiruvannamalai -26th March – Satsang 2

Namaste and a very warm welcome to satsang today. Moojiji ki jai !

You are aware of your thoughts. Thoughts are not aware of you. So we get stuck with these thoughts. We end up hoping that one day the thoughts will give me the freedom certificate. I am saying that you are free right now. The thought is saying ‘Almost there’. Which one are you going to buy? Buy neither, I’m okay with that. Don’t buy either of them. Don’t believe anything I’m saying actually. But just check for yourself. If you don’t want to believe something, then don’t believe either of these words. When you check right now into what is here, then you find that these thoughts are saying ‘Not there yet’ or something.

And then, what happens very often is that ‘But I don’t feel free’. So we went from wanting our thoughts to certify our freedom to wanting our feelings to certify our freedom. There’s this ‘I’m feeling some resistance, I’m feeling some grief, I’m feeling (something) therefore I cannot be free. I was promised a lot of joy and bliss’. Freedom is not that. It can have a lot of joy and bliss, but it is actually freedom from all states and freedom through all states. Everything is allowed to come and go.

If you only had sugar, sugar, sugar all of the time then would you enjoy it? If you only had joy, joy, joy after a while it would be boring; you won’t even notice. So this realm, this phenomenal play is full of contrasts, spice and sugar, grief and joy. And it is this contrast that we enjoy. If you go to a movie also, and you find everything start to end is just happy, happy, happy then you come back saying ‘It’s the most boring movie I ever saw’. So why would you like your life to be more boring than a movie? We’re here to enjoy this realm, this play; to taste this play. And it will be full of contrast.

A sage is not robotic. A sage is not leading a robotic existence where he is just in one state. It is more vibrant.

So, if we’re not referring to our feelings for our freedom, and we’re not referring to our thoughts for our freedom, we are bringing our attention back …

Look and see if ‘I actually still feel I’m a person’. Don’t hide. Because in this hiding, many years can pass in our denial. Let’s look right now: If the person is here, it must be real, isn’t it? There is nothing abstract or difficult that I am saying. The mind might be playing this trick on you. Simply, very simply I’m saying that the body is not concerned with money, it is not concerned with relationships; actually the body is not even concerned with the health of the body, and body is definitely not concerned with freedom. And yet, we have believed that there is one here that is concerned with all of these things. Can we find this one which is concerned with anything at all, that says ‘my life has to be a certain way’?

Don’t go off now. Stay here. Don’t go off now. Because here is where the mind will come and offer you some tricks. Can we find an entity that wants any of these things? And if we cannot find this one, then we cannot have any sense of control, any sense of desire, any sense of aversion left. Because who will they belong to?

See, so this is the first step that we walk together in a non-existent journey, which is to see that no person ever existed. Because if it is real, it must be here now, and you must be able to introduce it, to say ‘Inside my body, three inches below my head, there is this entity which is driving all of this’. Nobody has ever found this one; except as an idea, except as a belief. So this is the first step that we walk together; to see that no person has ever existed here. It has just been an idea.

That’s why I say that if you want to see God pretending to be a person…, right now, you want to see this play of God pretending to be a person? You can see right now. All you have to do is believe your next thought. This power of belief is God’s power to pretend; to pretend to get trapped, pretend to be bound, pretend to be a person, and then pretend to get out of this…, to come to a pretend freedom. Because the conditions that are attached to itself are never true. ‘I am a man, I am a husband, I am a teacher, I am a…’ …whatever you attach to this ‘I Am’, you see, the power of your belief is never really true. That’s why I say ‘pretend’…, pretend bondage and pretend freedom.

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From Silent Retreat with Anantaji – Tiruvannamalai – 26th March – Satsang 1

Q: So just wanted to ask you about the concepts of good and bad. So there is neutrality, I see that in nature. Nature doesn’t choose, sun doesn’t choose, water doesn’t choose. Yet we live in a world of duality. We are parents, we have to teach our children ethics; good, bad. Every minute apparently there seems to be a choice between love and hate, between doing the so-called right thing and the small things in life. …, serving your loved ones. What is that? There seems to be some kind of line beyond which…, it seems to be a choice at some level. You say ‘I am not the doer’…,  then at one level you can get away with doing everything and nothing also. There is some level of Dharma. As a mother I can’t say ‘I don’t do anything so I don’t give a damn’. Or my neighbor is in pain but I don’t give a damn because I am not the doer. So where does this this level of ethics come in of the good / bad of all the things that we are taught. Maybe it is a programming but isn’t there some line where…?

Ananta: So okay, you are the doer. [Laughter] And who are you?

Q: That is a trick question. I mean if I look, I don’t exist, but apparently at a certain level I do. In the sense that I have an identity. If somebody asks me what is my name I do say my name, right?

A: So this ‘I’ which has the identity is which one?

Q: It is a pseudo-identity. I get it.

A: Yes, yes but this ‘I’ that has the pseudo identity is which one?

Q: The ego right? The ego.

A: The identity is the ego, but who has the ego?

Q: The absolute, the immovable, (whatever you want to call it); the wordless, the formless.

A: Is it that you have an ego in the sleep state also?

Q: No. But in sleep state there is also commentary, there is good and bad. If it’s a bad sleep, bad dream, then we wake ourselves up, right?

A: Okay, so if we look at waking, dream, sleep and truiya; 4 different states. So if it is waking, coming in the middle and sleep is not as much…, that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the sleep state itself, the deep sleep state.

Q: There is no awareness of ‘I’ in deep sleep.

A: So there is no ego is sleep state. But this unmoving, unchanging One is still there? So there must be another step which is needed for this One to get the ego. And that is called the’ I Am-ness’ or the Beingness.

So what is it that we call the waking state or the dream state? It is the birth of this sense of ‘I Am’. And with this ‘I Am’, I say often that is also the birth of all these powers; attention, belief, gravity, electricity, sound, all phenomena; memory, pain, body. All these things come into play, all these different energy constructs with different qualities are not ultimately; but in the play. So Being is born. So being is born with the power to…,

So Being is what? Just this sense ‘I Am’. From direct experience we are here together, isn’t it? So this ‘I Am-ness’ is here. Now this I ‘Am-ness’…, does it have any primal concept on its own, in the instant of waking? Is it I-Am-something? But it has the ability to append things to this I Am. And when it appends these Absolutes then we say that ‘I pretended to become a person’.

So this unchanging, unmoving One…, nothing happened to that guy. It is now that the play for it changed. A part of itself (which Guruji calls ‘the dynamic aspect’) came into play, which is Consciousness. And this Consciousness, to make this game juicy, then has the ability to attach concepts to itself.

Now, so this when it is attached, then we call this the ‘ego’. So what is the ego? Just a bundle of beliefs or attributes. Can a bundle of beliefs have the ability to do something?

Q: No, of course not. It is just energy.

A:  Not even energy, actually; it is just a set of ideas that is constantly changing. What we believe about ourselves is also constantly changing. 5 years ago if I said ‘What kind of person are you?’ I am sure in 5 years something changed. So it is not steady. It is just a basket of ideas.

So this basket of ideas, how can it do something? I say it is the most important question to ask when we talk about doership, is: ‘whose?’

And so far what we have discussed is what you directly experienced. You have seen this for yourself. And yet the mind is able to sell you the story that this bundle of ideas, this set of beliefs which is non-existent even phenomenally, can do something in the phenomenal realm.

I often say in satsang that: Imagine that there is a person who is sitting in the banks of Ganga. Ask that person to get you a glass of water. Can he do it? Because it doesn’t exist in this realm. So this one, who must do, who must to it this way or that way: Who is this one?

Q: [Silence]

There are some primal rules in this phenomenal creation. And we can also contemplate why there is good and bad. Why is it? There seems to be something primal that points to us and says ‘To tell the truth is good and to tell a lie is bad’.

Q: Yeah, for me it is more like, since we are all one…, [Inaudible] So that’s like a guiding principle.

A: But even this you don’t need, because, although it is a beautiful concept it is still a concept.

Q: But then you need some kind of… Although I am not the doer, it’s like I go out and ask somebody, you know, somebody asks me to pass something. I am not the doer so I say ‘Come and get it yourself’. It can get very… You know what I’m saying?

A: Yes, yes, yes. There are 2 main objections that come. Even after it is seen that there is nobody here that can be the doer, there are 2 main objections. One is that ‘I will become super lazy and lie in bed all day and not live up to my responsibilities’. And the second one is that I will become an axe murderer or something. These are the 2 main ones.

The trouble with this is that, in spite of you checking and seeing there is nobody here, there is no ‘I’ who is the individual entity, then who will become lazy and who will become an axe murderer?

So something still must be saying somewhere that ‘All this is fine, but what about real life, day to day stuff?’ So something is still selling you a story of your individual existence and something is buying that. ‘So how do I teach my kids?’ Is it God’s question?

Q: Because my daughter asks me that, she says ‘I have seen that all realized Beings are lazy. They don’t do anything’. She is 15 and… [Inaudible]

A:  [Laughter] Tell her maybe she can see the recording; that what is the greatest thing you can do? In this realm, what is the greatest thing you can do? Is it that making money or getting into a certain position or something like this is that the greatest? Is that freedom from suffering? Because we do all that we do be happy, presumably. But is there happiness to be found in that?

So whether or not they are lazy, we are definitely happy. [Laughs] So they have come to this point that all other tactics have not worked. Now, what is the greatest service that one can do? Is it giving money to others, is it building houses for them or food? It is not. Because it is not necessary by giving money that life gets better; sometimes life becomes worse if you give money to them. But to show them what they are and rid them of their suffering I feel is the greatest thing one can do.

And the best example of this is my Master. I have seen him tirelessly, 1 am, 2 am, someone comes with a Satsang question; he is all ready. This is not laziness, I feel, this is the best seva, best service one can do in this world is to show us the mirror of what we are.

So yes, it can seem like that. Somebody can see me like that; okay. I have been lazy before also; not so much ambition, work, what is my future, what’s my 5 year plan, 10 year plan? I wouldn’t be able to tell you. So if that is laziness, I’m lazy. But I see that here also through Guruji’s grace what flows is that something comes, it opens for this service, always; it doesn’t matter what time of day or night. This kind of lazy I like.

Q: In fact she says often ‘I wish you hadn’t told me all this’ because now when she was given her exam for ICSE, but she kept saying ‘I don’t see the purpose of studying. I may be good at it but I don’t see the point. All I want to do is come to Arunachala for a month’. That’s what she was saying. The teachers thought she was going crazy so they called me to school. They said ‘You better do something, she will convert the whole class and they will all stop studying’. They said, you know, ‘What’s your role model or what do you want to be or what do you really want to do?’ …[But she’s saying] ‘I am not clear on the Who I Am’.

It is somehow about the language, they way we think, the words we speak. The moment we say…[Inaudible]

A: In a sense. But if you can truly see that ‘I am not this identity, not this ego, not the person’ it will not find a way to stick on. So there must be some fear or some attachment or something that is being bought. It might be very subtle. It might be some concern about the future, what’s going to happen …, which is here, which is helping to buy all this.

Q: In fact, I feel there are always some hooks, fear about the future; that although one says ‘I want freedom’.., [Inaudible]… it’s going on and on.

A: [Inaudible]

Q: There are the major ones; the daughter one, the family one.

A: The other stories, let go of. The daughter one you can keep. [Smiles] I have never told a mother that you must not be attached to your child. It is very natural, even with animals. [Inaudible] I’m not going to mess with it. You keep your ‘daughter idea’. It’s fine by me. The rest you let go of. It’s not easy to give up this most natural identity.

[Silence]

About the question of becoming lazy or becoming irresponsible in some way; when we looked at it and when we saw there is nobody here like that, as an entity, then whose play is it? It is Consciousness Itself. Consciousness wants to play a certain way. Consciousness can only play.

As I was saying in the morning yesterday, then there are only two options: Either Consciousness needs these thoughts of morality and ethics to run its life. (It sounds a bit insane to me, that Consciousness is relying on thoughts that It Itself is creating).

Or that it is all just the illusory play of the person. As it is being dropped, it is all just unfolding in its beautiful flow. Guruji was making this beautiful example: A tree is not thinking where it will grow its next branch, its leaf. And yet there’s a beautiful emerging. So like this. I like this story. It’s the mind that comes in and takes credit ‘My leaf’…, ‘I did this, I shouldn’t do this, this should not happen’. You see? It does not apply to you because this ‘I’ does not exist.

Just check if your mind is creating some dichotomy between satsang and the ‘so-called’ real world. It’s not two worlds. This is as real as that. [Silence] Ultimately unreal, but as real as that.

Q: I feel this wanting to drop it, it’s just [Inaudible] …, but not waiting about it. I guess it will just drop if it has to go.

A: But sometimes what happens is that, if it is like that, wanting to drop it, then the mind comes and says ‘But [inaudible]’. But sometimes these ones, you must let go of last.

Q: I believe that, yeah. The one desire.

A: If all other ones are gone, then this one also can go.

Someone was telling me, (I’ve heard it a few times actually), ‘I feel like I want to be in your physical Presence, and it’s become an attachment, a struggle’. I say ‘All the others have gone?’ Because the mind very quickly wants to resist satsang in this way. If all the others are gone, yes, drop this one also.

Actually the truth is that because nothing from here is ever… [Inaudible] You see, the nature of the mind is that way. I say ‘Let’s do the inquiry together’…, “But you just said I’m not the doer, so who should do the inquiry?’ You see, it’s like that. It very conveniently uses spirituality like that.

Q: And that’s the thing about not being the doer. ‘I’m not the doer, so why do this?’

A: You don’t have to think about not being the doer.

Q: Experience it.

A: It’s just a concept. ‘I’m not the doer, therefore I don’t need to do this’. That is still the mind. It’s still referring to ‘I can’t be the doer’ … as the one who can’t be the doer. Even this, you will not buy. Even the highest spiritual concept…, it’s just mental. You will not buy it. It’s got to be your living experience. [Inaudible] You must be able to say ‘There is no doer here’… ‘because there’s no person here’.  Instead of a concept of a doer, you will see ‘Who will be [the doer]? All there is here is Consciousness. Therefore Consciousness Itself must be the doer…, and the experiencer’.

Q: But then, though, we have to act as though we are the doer, in daily life.

A: It will happen on its own.

Q: If you go to work, and you do something, then …

A: I’ll tell you an example which is very good. Many years ago, I watched on a Youtube a video with Frances Lucille. So, Frances had this very nice example. He said ‘You go to an amusement park, you get onto a ride, and the point of the ride is that when it says ‘Left’ you turn left.

Q: Yes, yes.

A: You know the rest of the story…, let me tell it though. So he says that on this ride, when it says ‘left’ you turn left really hard, and you turn it, and if you do a very good job, then it will go left. And same for right. Left, right; as many points as you can, you are supposed to get. The way it starts out, it says to turn left, and you turn really hard, and it goes left. You feel so happy ‘I did it’. Next one is right. Right, right, you’re going right…, and the steering wheel goes left. You say ‘I didn’t do such a good job at that’. See? This left, right, left, right; you’re missing some, you’re getting some. You feel ‘I got it, I didn’t get it, I’m doing a good job, I’m doing a bad job’. At the end of the ride, they tell you that the entire ride is pre-determined. The left and right is exactly how it is supposed to be. It only goes in that one direction. Yet it’s normal to say ‘I did this, I didn’t do this, I should have done this’.

It’s done. This is life. Everything is flowing. Consciousness is projecting this movie. The mind says ‘This character, this is me. This is what this character should do or not do’. If there is no ‘me’ then how can a ‘me’ be a doer?

Q: So, it’s all pre-determined. So I should just relax and enjoy no matter what it is. [Laughs]

A: Every time we can relax and enjoy, then we can say ‘Yes, it’s pre-determined’. We can say ‘It’s all Consciousness’. That’s better. Does Consciousness have a master-plan on which It is functioning? We could say that. Is it creating everything completely fresh? We could say that. Some say ‘Everything has already happened’. We could say that. Some say ‘None of this has ever really happened’. We could say that also. When you come to these places, then it’s very difficult to put words to these things.

As long as it is clear that ‘I don’t exist personally’ then all this will drop; all this responsibility will drop. And functioning can continue; or not.

Q: Empty. That’s also fine.

A: If it’s fine, then it’s very good.

Q: If it’s fine, then everything’s fine. [Laughs]

A: I used to say that ‘Everything will be fine’. Then some started coming and saying ‘Within 3 weeks of coming to satsang, I quit my job and I have no money’. So I said ‘Everything is fine? Or not?’

Q: [Nods ‘yes’.]

A: Everything’s fine. Because it becomes an expectation like that. And this is very popular in India especially. ‘I surrender to You but please make sure I get that part right’…, ‘I surrender to You but please make sure this….’ That’s not surrender at all. It’s deal making.

A: [Inaudible] Such are prayers; ‘I want’…

Q: It starts off like that, but it’s better than nothing. Because at least we start by saying ‘You are the doer, I am the experiencer’. At least it’s half-surrender. And as we keep going with this, if there’s integrity, it will be said ‘You are the doer and You are the experiencer’. You see? And then you’ll say ‘There is no You and I. There’s only You’.

Q: You know [Vishwas?] final prayer? He’s got a thing that he says: ‘Father’ (I don’t remember the exact words, but) ‘Father, let this be my final prayer, the last thing I ask of you ever, that there’s no more, there’s nothing that I want after You ever’. [Inaudible]…, but to that degree, that you don’t have to ask and you don’t have to desire.

Thank you.

A: [Namaste]

Q: [Namaste]

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From Satsang of March 26th 2016 Afternoon – Tiru Retreat

What is unfolding for you is the realization of What You Are, independent of any relationship. This doesn’t mean that relationship is bad; the relationships can still continue. But this sense of  need and desperation about holding onto something which is ultimately just an appearance has to go one way or the other; one day or another.

So sometimes the mind comes and says ‘See, that was so beautiful. Grace did that’. And that which is not seemingly so full of bliss and joy, that can seem like ‘Oh, the person is responsible’ (either ourselves or another person). No, it is still Grace. It is still Grace which is doing everything.

And why is it doing it like this? Any time we fall into identity, we fall into attachments. Because we have made this prayer, either overtly or not…, coming into satsang we have made this prayer ‘May I discover the truth of what I am, and may that which is false be burnt away’. And when the false is burning, it is bound to create some moments which seem like they are painful. But it is only an answer to what has been prayed for.

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I just want to say that I love all of you so, so, so very much.

And I feel blessed…, every moment I feel blessed to be surrounded with this beautiful Sangha. I feel that, after my Master’s feet, it is the Presence of this Sangha which is the greatest gift in my life. It is just joy to be with you all.

And I know that many of us will meet when we are in Rishikesh [with Mooji giving satsang there], and some of you are not able to come; but irrespective of that, there is not one millimeter of distance in our Hearts.

I love, love, love all of you. May we forever be at my Father’s feet.

And this is a great moment of celebration and joy, because we get to experience his satsang for 5 weeks, almost non-stop [even free online]. And every season, every time, even now when I go, the fresh insights, a fresh Seeing, emerges.

So, I am ever grateful to my Master, my Father, Satguru Sri Moojiji, for allowing his words to be spoken here; for his Presence and his Love.

So thankful to all of you, this beautiful Sangha of Being. All my Love and Blessings.

May you all find this truth which is ever-present. May my Master’s grace bring all auspiciousness into your lives…, and to the lives of your loved ones.

Thank you all so much for being such beautiful children, best friends, brothers and sisters. I’m so, so, so grateful.

Thank you all so much for being in satsang today.

Sri Moojiji ki Jai !

[Sangha]: Jai !

[Sangha]: Sri Anantaji ki Jai !

Very beautiful sharing…, because first she says ‘All mental knowledge and all concepts can be kept aside’. That’s exactly what we are pointing to. And what is selling the mental concepts, what is selling the beliefs, what is selling ideas, is only these thoughts or the mind.

Often we use the word ‘mind’ and ‘ego’ interchangeably, but there is a slight distinction. Because ‘mind’ is just this energy of thoughts; the ‘ego’ is the sense of separation that comes after believing the thoughts. So the mind is like the agent, the catalyst for ego creation. (Anyway, we’re getting technical, so let’s not worry about any of that. We kept it aside, which is good).

Then she says ‘Without relying on any concept, it is seen that there is the appearance of that which we call Being or Consciousness. And that was the purpose of giving everyone the pointer ‘Can you stop being now?’…, was to introduce you to the appearance of Consciousness. This Consciousness is also appearing to ‘I’. (We’ll come to that).

Phenomenal play, appearing and disappearing, happens. So within this phenomenal play, there is a little knowing, a little awareness. When I say ‘little’ I don’t mean little as in less-limited little, I mean the small ‘k’ [knowing] and the small ‘a’ [awareness]…, it’s the conceptual knowing or the intellectual knowing. But that which knows the appearance of Being is not conceptual, you see? No concept can help us with that.

It is a direct seeing that Being is here. And I know that if I was to say ‘Find your Being’ a few rare ones might see this, if you’re new to satsang; but for most of you, it becomes a struggle: ‘How do I find my Being?’ It was a big struggle here also: ‘How do I find this Being’.

But I find if I ask ‘Can you stop being?’ then it is just seen that Being is here. How can I stop this Presence that is here, the sense ‘I am’? This is Seen. Not with worldly eyes, but with non-phenomenal Seeing or Awareness Itself.

And therefore when we say ‘I cannot stop being’ although the words are reported in phenomenality, they are not a result of some belief or some concept. They are only arising from what is directly Seen.

Words can come from only two places. They can come from the direct Seeing, or they can come from some beliefs. So now they are not coming from the belief in God anymore; it is coming from the direct experience of God. Isn’t it? So just like this it becomes clear, that this is Consciousness. This Being is Consciousness. And all this phenomenal play is appearing and disappearing within this Being.

Then we come to this place where the mind has no chance. Because when we ask ‘Who is aware even of this Being?’ …, no intellectual concept, no mental knowledge can help. And yet it is Seen that there is a Seeing of this Being. It is Seen that there is a Seeing of this Being. That is why when we say ‘Being is here’ it is not coming from concepts; it is coming from this Seeing, from the direct experience (as I call it). So to See that there is a Seeing… is Seeing seeing Itself.

Don’t let your mind convince any of you now that these words are complicated, okay? [Chuckles]

Because we can say that Being is here, therefore there must be a Seeing of the Being. And because we can say there is a Seeing of the Being, there is a Seeing of the Seeing.

[Chuckles] Maybe this part you can hear a few times.

There is a Seeing of the Seeing, which is Awareness aware of Itself.

Again, I’m saying not in the worldly sense of the word ‘seeing’, not in the phenomenal seeing or knowing; but something which cannot be expressed phenomenally is aware that Awareness is here. Just to be able to say ‘I am aware’. Even to be able to say ‘I am un-aware’ means that there must be an awareness of ‘aware’ or ‘un-aware’. So even when we say ‘I am un-aware’ there is an awareness that we are calling something ‘un-awareness’.

Someone had asked on Facebook, and I didn’t get the chance to answer them: ‘What about sleep and dream?’

How do we know that there is sleep state and dream? It is directly Seen that it is there. It is not coming from some belief. The experience of sleep state is not coming as a belief in sleep state. The experience of dream state is not because there is some belief that there is dream state. So, it’s not conceptually known.

So this, which we call the Seeing, is actually non-phenomenal. And therefore we can also call it the ‘no-thing’. But if you hear me often, you know that I prefer to call it ‘no-thing’ rather than ‘nothing’. You see, because ‘no-thing’ means ‘non-phenomenal’. ‘No-thing’ means ‘non-phenomenal’ whereas ‘nothing’ means ‘Oh, there is just nothing’.

So it is good to see that Being or Consciousness is here. And it is good to see that it is also our direct experience in that which we call sleep state, that it is not there.

The whole feeling here, in the sharing of satsang from the beginning has been to de-mystify, to unravel this reality; the non-phenomenal reality that I Am.

The sense of getting somewhere, the sense of going somewhere, the sense of becoming something is just a habit from the mind. Only the mind wants ‘next’. And between this ‘earlier’ and ‘next’.., between this sense of ‘earlier’ and ‘next’ this mind moves. But the present.., it cannot do anything with.

What is now has nothing to say about that.

What’s wrong with ‘right now’?

Who am I right now?

If there was no time…, (not that ‘we are in a rush, so there is no time’)…, what if there just was no time; it did not exist? …, if no movement happened in time?

And then when the sense of time comes back, is that which witnesses it, (the witnessing of time), is that also moving in time? Is that also changing with time?

The sense of ‘Have I got there or have not got there?’ is subject to time, you see? And the mind is completely concerned about this question ‘When will I finally get it?’ But it is not dependent on time.

You Are It.

Prior to any words, prior to any expectations of something to be heard, of something that will be understood; before that, who is here now?

If there were no more words, ever, either sensed from outside or even heard inside; neither mind nor intuition, if there were no more words ever in any form…, what would still remain?

If there were no feelings also… So right now, suppose everything started to fade away. In this moment something goes ‘click’ and the outside world is gone, including this body. Then someone does another ‘click’ and thoughts are gone; (don’t think about it). Another ‘click’ and emotions are gone. Are you still there?

And they’re going one by one, you see. Something remains.

[‘Click’] The world is gone. It cannot be perceived anymore, all senses are closed. Hearing stopped working, eye sight stopped working, sensory touch stopped working, taste stopped working, smell stopped working; all senses are gone. On the going of …  which of the senses ….  do You go?

You still don’t go, isn’t it?

And suppose thoughts stopped working. Have you gone?

Emotion is still there. Now emotion also stopped working.

None of this movement is happening. What still remains?

And how is That which still remains touched by any of this?

So, it can be said that the purpose of the mind is to keep us distracted from This that still remains; to keep us distracted with that which is just appearing and disappearing. And how does it do that? Through its constant interpretation; through the constant commentary.

You’ll notice this, if you’re new to satsang, that everything that is being spoken in satsang also, this mind is trying to contribute and say ‘Yes, yes’ and ‘No, no’ …, ‘Yes, like this’ and ‘No, like this’…, ‘He’s right’…, ‘He’s wrong about this’. So this interpreter is completely clueless about what really is. And yet, as you often see in the world, it still has opinions. We see in the world also many times that we can have strong opinions about something and be completely clueless about it. The mind is like this. It has no idea about the nature of reality and still it likes to contribute, it likes to participate and wants to teach us about it. And satsang is introducing us to the better Teacher.

Satsang is introducing us to the better Teacher which is your own intuitive Presence. That which you call the Satguru within Your own Heart, which uses the external embodiment, the human embodiment of the Master to communicate until you’re ready to listen to your own Presence; until we are not so distracted by name and form.

So it can start by seeming like it is name and form which is real and that which is nameless and formless is abstract and unreal. And it becomes clearer and clearer that it is actually that which arises as name and form which is not eternal, which is not timeless; which is therefore unreal.

And that it is this nameless and formless Witnessing… of this which comes and goes… which doesn’t go anywhere; which is timeless, which is eternal; un-hurt by anything.

And how do you find That? How do you find that One, the Eternal One? By definition, that which is eternal must already be here! That which is Timeless must be ever-Present.

The only trouble is that we look for it as if it was an object. ‘I’m looking for my Self’. [Chuckles] And you go looking for it as if it is something to find. Then it is bound to be a very frustrating journey. Because it cannot be found as an object.

Some will say ‘I have been searching for more than 30 years. Most of my life I have been a seeker. I’m so frustrated in this journey’. Because we are looking for the Self as if it is some object to be found, either within the body or outside the body somewhere. It is not that.

Who is aware of the seeking? If we say ‘I am a seeker’ then there is a sense of ‘seeking’ that I am aware of. This I… who is aware of the seeking…, who is this one?

The one that is aware of all movements, is That also moving?

Is it coming and going?

Is that separate from you?

So the ‘seeker’ means we are seeking in the wrong direction. We are seeking on the outside. ‘I am seeking’.

This ‘I Am’ is a portal that goes both ways. So, if you want to come to the truth of ‘Who am I?’ …, (Okay, this is a little bit subtle)…,

So, ‘I Am’ is here: ‘I am here’. Now we are trying to find ‘Who is this I?’ But in the trying to find this I, we make it more complex. By making ‘I’ into the sense ‘I Am’ … the attribute of seeking something; then this ‘I Am’ that was unassociated now became ‘I am a seeker’.

And innumerable attributes you can attach to this ‘Am-ness’. ‘I am like this, I am like that, I am doing this, I am doing that, I am going here, I am going there, I am good, I’m bad, I’m terrible, I’m hopeful, I’m awful…’ We keep attaching many, many attributes to this ‘Am-ness’.

But what are we looking for? We are looking for the ‘I’ which is prior to this.

So, the way into the phenomenal realm, the way to operate as a person, is to keep attaching things to the sense ‘I Am’…, believing that something can be attached to the sense ‘I Am’.

And the entire point of satsang is to drop these ideas which we have been attaching to ourselves.

And no concept, no idea is worthy enough to get our belief, to be attached to This; not even our concepts like ‘I am God’ or ‘I am free’. They’re meaningless.

So, first we come to this unassociated Being, where it is just Being. It is not being anything. Not ‘I am something’. Not even ‘I am nothing’. Just ‘I Am’.

And this is completely true right now. There is nothing you have to do to get there. It is already true.

Don’t try to stop anything also. And then what happens, there is a sense of space, the voice of the mind doesn’t have any power, and this is the end of suffering, because it is the end of resistance.

Being is just Being. And there is complete allowing of the body/mind to function exactly as it is functioning; active or passive, according to mind’s plan or not according to mind’s plan. It is all happening on its own. It always has been…, only now that we get to see that it is like this.

So Being is just Being.

Then what can happen (although this much is enough), but what can happen…, (and IS happening for many), is that it becomes clearer, that ‘I am aware even of Being’.

You see? This is what I mean by ‘I Am-ness’ being a portal which can go both ways.

We saw how it can be used to pretend to be ‘a person’, an ego by adding attributes to the sense ‘I Am’. And now we can see how this ‘I Am-ness’ also points back at the Truth of What You Are.

We see that there is Awareness of even this Presence, this Being.

The sense ‘I Am’ … I am aware of it.

We see that this Awareness is prior even to the Presence Itself.

And we find that there is nothing to speak of here, because there are no qualities, there are no attributes. All of that requires the Presence of Being. And we left that behind, because we came the other way now; from the ‘I Am’ to the ‘I’.

That which is Aware…, what does That look like?

Is there an entity which owns this Awareness?

Therefore, as Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi used to say ‘This I is The Eternal One’.

And the recognition that this ‘I’ is the Timeless Awareness, within which (what he used to call) the sense ‘I-I’ (which we call the sense I Am) is born, and it dissolves back into.

Therefore, this ‘I’ is what we call the Self, we call the Absolute.., the pure Knowingness, the pure Awareness…, bereft of all qualities.

And this is true about You, right now.

You Are That. I Am That. We Are One.

Because You are aware now,

And You are aware that You are aware.

[Silence]

So as we go this way to the root of what I am, then the truth cannot be missed.

But initially what can happen is that this truth can seem deeply disappointing to the mind. The mind can say ‘This was it? But nothing happened’. Because the mind actually didn’t find anything. No fireworks needed to happen. No great ‘awakening’ experience also needs to happen. No states of bliss need to come. They can all be there; they can come for some. But for some there can be this completely sober Seeing. But try as it might, the mind cannot deny the Truth of What You Are.

What is being spoken here? Let’s see if we can put it across in an uncontaminated way.

You are already That which you are looking for. Don’t make any other concept about it. This much is enough. You are already That which you are looking for. Don’t make any picture, no visual, nothing; no imagination. Don’t say ‘I got it’ or ‘I didn’t get it’. Just:

1. You are That which you are looking for.
2. Therefore, there is nothing that you need to do.
3. Freedom does not apply to the real You. The concept of freedom does not apply to reality.
4. You are That which is aware of all creation.
5. No matter what appearances might be appearing, they do not touch Awareness.
6. The primal, or primordial, appearance is the appearance of the Presence ‘I Am’.
7. In the light of this Presence, this leela or this world of appearances appears.
8. This Presence (or) Consciousness (or) I Am- ness has the power to pretend.
9. Can pretend to be separate by believing a thought; and a thought is nothing but another appearance.
10. The simplest way to stop pretending is to stop believing these thoughts.
11. In this entire play, nothing happened to Awareness.

That’s all.

There’s one beautiful video in which Guruji says ‘All you have to do is: 3-2-1 Drop it!’ Just like that. That’s it.

How to drop it? Just by dropping it. Because if you let the mind come in there and say ‘This is too difficult’ or ‘I don’t know how to do it’…, yesterday was like that. We had in satsang, (and then I had a call with someone after satsang also), and this sense was there that ‘How do I not believe?’ The same thing as ‘How do I drop it?’ And if we let that thing in, if we don’t drop that, then we have to apply some other medicine, you see.

So if it is like this, then all I can say is just don’t resist anything at all. Allow everything through. No resistance with anything which is arising, including actions from our own body. I say like this because when we hear ‘Allow everything’ it seems like I’m saying ‘Just be passive. Allow everything. Let the world do anything it wants to you’…, something like that. The mind does this kind of story, that I’m proposing some sort of passivity. But what I’m proposing is much deeper than that. I’m saying that there is no doer here anyway. So the allowing means the allowing of everything; the entire appearance.

There is no separation between this body and the rest of the appearance…, unless we start labeling it. What makes it seem separate is that the sensations which we call ‘coming from our body’. They seem to belong to this body and seem more intimate to us. But actually this is as much of an appearance as the rest of it. It’s not like the hand is something outside of this. It’s part of the same appearance. So ‘allow everything’ means including this appearance which we call the body.

And mostly all of you will realize that all of these actions happening through the body are also just happening on their own. You can check this now actually. I say ‘Okay, do something’. You say ‘Okay, I move my hand. I can do that. I move my hand’. But the hand moved and the mind came to take credit for that movement. How did the thought move the hand? Who is the ‘I’ that took the thought and then said ‘Yes, this is what I will do, and I did it’? And you also know this, that even scientifically, the thought comes later than when actually the nerves start moving; the movement of the hand starts.

But even if you presume that there is a decision-maker, can we find that one?

Then some of you might say ‘But it is the brain that is deciding’. If the brain is deciding, then are you the brain? [Laughs] How do you tell the brain to decide? You cannot find the doer, any which-way. Then you say ‘Okay, the brain is me actually’. Then leave it to the brain. Because the brain already has all the knowledge and knows what to do. Then what are you struggling about?

This sense of doership, this sense of ‘What to do?’ also creeps into the primal instructions like ‘Just be open’ and ‘Don’t believe your next thought’. It comes and says ‘How do I do that?’ But it’s not a doing actually.

And if it feels like ‘I don’t know how to do it’…, then forget it. Don’t bother yourself about it. I know many of you struggle with this sense that ‘I’m not able to follow the pointing that he’s saying’. Forget it.

Your being in satsang is enough! And even that, even if you’re not in satsang, ultimately you will see what you are. But my job is to say ‘Your being in satsang is enough’. [Smiles]

Q: [Inaudible]

Because what is happening is that the ego is hanging on to spiritual instruction for dear life. It’s let go of all the other things, and it now wants to hang on to the pointing in satsang, and say ‘Let’s do this together. We can make it. We can be good at it’. And this sense that ‘I can be good at it’ is the same as ‘I’m unworthy, I’m not good enough’…, just reflecting in different ways. Neither is true.

You already are that.

You already are free.

You cannot be bound.

You are the un-bound.

All that is happening is the dropping of that which is false. A drop in the ocean can believe itself to be just a drop, and not the ocean. But can it actually not be the ocean? Is there a separate drop in the first place?

The simple pointing is: If it needs belief, it is not true.

If you need to believe me, then it is not true. If you are able to check for yourself and see that ‘This is how it is’ then that is the direct experience of the truth that we speak about.

Whatever movement might be happening in Consciousness, who is witnessing that?

And is the witnessing affected by any movement in Consciousness?

Sometimes the mind can have a fear like ‘Is my Guru also going to leave me, or is the sangha going to leave me?’ And I want to tell you that, from here, I don’t feel like…, (even speaking phenomenally), I don’t feel like I’ve ever left anyone. In fact, all those who have left the sangha, it has mostly been that they felt like something is enough, and then want some space; and they could have left in this way. And so what I am saying is that ‘I am always with you’…, even in the worldly way. I am not here to leave you. And as long as you are not completely clear, that actually the Guru is your own Presence, until then, as long as you’re with me, I am with you, as Ananta.

And after that…, Your own Presence, you will find that to be the real Guru. And really, there is nothing to fear, everything will be just fine by Guruji’s grace which is guiding all of us.

Many of you have been in the sangha for a long time, and you will see that it is never that something from here said that ‘I want some space from you so I want to not be with you for some time’. It’s always come like that, from that sense. So even phenomenally, every personally, I am at your service. I am at the service of all of those who are in service to the truth.

If there’s any reason where I had felt the need to make some distance or space is when I sense some disrespect to my Master, some disrespect to the Satguru’s words…, then it can feel like. Otherwise, I don’t have this sense that these are my close ones, or these are not close, or this is not sangha. All of you are my Sangha. You are my Sangha. So how can the Sangha leave you? You are the Sangha itself.

And none of these things have ever mattered to me; language, level of understand, ability to speak in Advaita or not; none of that is important. I can sense the love in your heart, I can sense the devotion in your heart, and that is enough for me. So don’t carry any of these irrational fears

Sometimes we might get this sense that ‘I know what to do now. I know how I can get there’. Especially having been in satsang, it can seem like ‘I have a path. And if I don’t believe my next thought, then one day eventually I will get to the truth’. But that is also missing it.

As very often I’ve said ‘It is where you start from. Before you even start, you are that’. That’s why before we even say ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ I also say mostly that ‘Find out what is already here’.

Is there any bondage in the right now? And you find that ‘I’m completely aware of my Presence in the right now’. And I cannot pretend to be suffering or pretend to be troubled now unless I listen to some idea which is coming from the mind.

That is the reason why I say ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ is the master key; not because it will get you to freedom, but because you see that ‘I cannot leave This…, except when I pretend’.

Sometimes the mind really has got you with some silly-ness actually. It will say ‘Unless you can tell me what happens after death, I cannot believe I’m free’. Why? I am pointing to the freedom which is available right now. We are projecting some idea about the future and death. ‘Unless you can tell me…’ something. But a child, before they start believing thoughts, before 2, 2-1/2 years old, a child is completely free and he knows nothing about any of this. So don’t fall for these simple mind tricks.

Nothing needs to be known mentally for you to know what you are right now.

Nothing needs to be known also in the phenomenal realm for us to discover That which is the witness of all phenomena, That from which all phenomena comes.

Even to say that there is phenomena there must be already acceptance of the non-phenomena. If it is all there is, then you would not invent a term for it. See, the sense of phenomena comes from this intuitive sense that there must be something non-phenomenal as well.

So satsang is an introduction to your non-phenomenal Self.

Q: So, Father, when I’m not thinking, everything is beautiful. And yet, apparently, there seems to be forgetfulness. I know you don’t have to do anything. But there’s somehow a feeling that I’m not doing enough. There seems to be a lot of distractions. And you know, somehow you feel you’re not doing.., you’re not putting your attention somewhere or somehow you’re not doing enough. I know you’re not the doer. But it’s some other connection; when you sit quietly and close your eyes and the connection is there. But otherwise, when the attention is outwards, it seems to be that you’re lost in that, the appearances and the stories. Although you know it’s not you, but you kind of get lost in it, and it’s like a whole movie or drama going on. And when you come back, the peace is there. But it’s always a like a struggle, you know,… ‘I should be in the peace and I’m not feeling it’. How can it be the true nothing?

Ananta: The sense that ‘I must have a state of peace’ can get in the way of peace. We can play with this now. So right now, let your attention go wherever it likes. Let it go wherever it likes, and see what is really getting lost. Because this sense is there, for some of you, that ‘As long as I’m meditative or I’m in satsang or I have my eyes closed, it’s okay. But the minute I open them, something gets lost’. Nothing is going except attention. And let it go, because it cannot leave you. One end is always tied to you, (like I’ve started saying now); like a dog on a leash, it cannot leave you. So, now your eyes are open. What is getting lost?

Q: Now? Nothing.

Yes.

Q: In the now, there’s nothing that’s getting lost.”

Okay, try to step out of the now.

Q: Yeah. If I think of the future, or the work, then something is coming.

So, okay, let the thoughts also come. Let them come.

Q: What’s going to be for dinner, you know? What do I make for dinner? Things like that, yes.

So, they’re coming; let them come and let them go. This openness is what I’m pointing to.

Because if it was to become a restrictive state, then it cannot last. I can give you a meditation practice where I say ‘Okay, for 20 minutes, just follow your breath’ or something like that. And then it will feel good, but it doesn’t last, you see?

Just the sense of allowing everything to come and go, including our thoughts about dinner or whatever else. Then what is happening?

[Silence] Don’t resist at all.

Q: Not resisting is also like a pause, isn’t it? Like you’re pausing.

This will become more and more natural. Although this might seem like a ‘pause’ sort of state and the habit is still to pick up, pick up, pick up and to resist, resist, resist, the only switching (if any switching is happening) is that this openness will become the natural-ness, the natural state; and it is the picking up which will seem like the pause…, ‘Oh, for a moment, I picked up. For a moment, I got identified’. You see? You will start enjoying this openness so much that you will not want to pick up.

Q: I understand. So it’s just like allowing anything to come or go, right? It doesn’t really matter if the thought comes or it doesn’t come.

Exactly.

Q: And just to be in that knowing that it’s fine.

Yes. Even something more primal than fine. It’s just what it is. You see, no label of good or bad, fine or not fine also. Just ‘What is, is’…, including the reactions from our own body are happening on their own.

Q: Yes.

The body is not separate from the rest of the appearance. Although it can seem like it belongs to a ‘me’ it is actually just part of the same. The only difference is that the sensations seem more intimate. Allow all sensations; the moves of the body, even the words which are being spoken are actually happening on their own.

And this is complete freedom. It is Consciousness unburdened by any concept of how it should be or not be.

Q: It’s beautiful. It feels like a trusting, complete trusting and acceptance of everything that is.

This is a very good point you make because we cannot be open if we are fearful. And like I was saying yesterday, I’m not talking about the energetic sense of fear which can arise at times, and it can subside on its own. I’m talking about the concept that ‘This should not happen to me or this should not come in my appearance. I hope I don’t make a mess out of dinner’ or something like this. Just to take it as an example. Just this sense of no expectations, no fear about whatever might be coming.

And the beautiful part of this is that as you start trusting ‘What is’ you realize that ‘There is nothing I need to do. There is nowhere I need to put my attention. I don’t want anything also; not even peace I want’.

Q: That’s beautiful. I never thought about it that way, that it’s not even about peace.” … “But still somewhere it feels like ‘I’m not good enough, I’m not getting there; there’s a process’. Is that just a habit?

Yes. Because if you were not That already, and I would have to make you something, then nobody can do that job. I just have to point to what you are. All that happens in satsang is that I point you to what you are. And you point at something else, an appearance or something, and say ‘But what about this? But what about that?’ And I say ‘No, no, not there. Look at where I’m pointing’.

That’s why we look at it layer by layer. We’ve looked at the world, we’ve looked at the body, we’ve looked at our emotions, we’ve looked at our thoughts, we’ve looked at the Presence I Am itself. And yet there is something that witnesses all of this.

So, the questions in satsang…, all questions are about something in the appearance which the questioner says is meaningful. And the one that is pointing is always saying ‘No, no, that is not meaningful. Look at where I’m pointing’. That’s all that is happening in satsang.

And it is already your natural state.

Q: Is there something like an active inquiry that one has to do? … I’m stuck at the ‘doing’, right?” [Laughs] “But like you said, the pointing. Every time; asking yourself that question ‘Who am I?’…, every time you get caught up.

Very good. If you spot the time that you get caught up, it’s very good to inquire. Many times we feel like we don’t even spot it; the whole day is gone. That is why I used to very often say actually that ‘There is only one rule here, and the rule is keep coming to satsang’. Because in satsang, your own light, your own spotting abilities get amplified. You’re able to see things that just half an hour ago could have seemed so important; and now sitting in your own Presence seem like ‘Oh, I was concerned about this?’ So, don’t try to fight the mind, just allow it to come and go.

Q: It’s beautiful. It’s like a gentle process instead of some kind of struggle always going on. It’s very gentle and loving.

It’s just like saying ‘I’m the riverbed, and the river is the flow of appearances’. It can have fishes and frogs, it can have all kinds of vegetation, it can have sharks, goldfish, tuna, you name it. It can, like in the Ganga, have people bathing inside.

We got so used to looking at the content of the river, saying ‘This is happening to me. Oh, this is happening to me’ that we forgot that we are the background on which all of this movie is playing. We try to control the flow of the river or the content of what should come and what should not; and nobody is successful at doing that.

So, let the river flow on its own. Just remain open. Our sense of control is nothing more than this delusion that I can control the flow of life, the flow of this river with a twig in my hand.

In this way then, this openness, this allowing of anything in the seeming-outside of the world, of whatever is happening as sensations in the body, whatever is coming as thoughts, emotions…, there’s a simple openness. And this is our natural, true state; which is prior to ‘state’ actually.

It’s as simple as that.

Q: Thank you.

Thank you.

You will never become anything more than what you already are. If there is anyone that promises that you will now become something special or extraordinary, then it is not true. You already Are That. It’s just that you’re deeply identified sometimes as being a person; which you never were.

That’s why for 3 years almost, I’ve been asking the question; I’ve been also offering $1,000 to anyone who shows me ‘a person’ and nobody has claimed that award…, because it doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as ‘a person’. So, since the person doesn’t exist and you can never become that which doesn’t exist, obviously, then the only thing left to do is to check what is here.

What are you right now? …, (before any mental conclusion about it).

Are you not aware of this entire appearance?

If you are not aware, then who is aware?

And what knows?

This is the place where I lose most of you, but I have to keep trying. [Laughs]

What is that which knows the phenomenal appearance?

I know the phenomenal appearance.

Who knows that I know?

I.

So it is Awareness which is aware of Itself.

I know that I know.

I am aware that I am aware.

That’s why when I ask you the question: ‘Are you aware now?’…, what happens? (…before even you can say ‘happens’?)

Naturally, this seeing is there: ‘Yes, I am aware’.

It is Awareness Itself that sees it is aware.

And I can understand that when these words are spoken, it can seem like it’s just completely un-understandable for many. It seems like the mind comes with a lot of resistance and it just seems so abstract and obscure. Because we’re used to a phenomenal sort of seeing.

So many of you will enjoy much more when I say: ‘Can you stop being now?’ Because the sense of Being is phenomenally perceived. It could be the root phenomena. It seems much more tangible because it’s our habit to go for phenomenal experiences.

But when I say: ‘Are you aware now?’ it’s even over before you can conceptualize the question. And yet you know the answer is ‘Yes’. How do you know the answer is ‘Yes’?

I am aware. This ‘I’ which is aware is Awareness Itself.

So, if you can leave the ‘of’…, ‘I am aware OF…’ aside for some time, if you can leave the ‘of’ aside for some time, and just stay with the sense ‘I am aware’…

What are we saying actually?  What is the meaning of the word ‘aware’? Who taught you how to be aware? And can you not be [aware]? Can we change it to ‘unaware’?

What happens? All of you will be able to just KNOW ‘Of course, I am aware’.

‘But, but, but…’  It is the ‘but, but, but…’ which is trouble. The sense of ‘but nothing happened’. What does it mean? It only means ‘It was not a phenomenal experience, and I’m used to only phenomenal experiences’.

So when you say ‘I am aware’ what are we saying actually? What does it mean to be aware?

Is it subject to the world of duality, where I can be aware OR un-aware? Can I switch states? The content can keep changing. It can also change from something to nothing, from waking to sleep. But who is aware of both; of either?

I am…, (before ‘am’).

Q: [Inaudible]

Wait, wait. Are you with me in ‘I am aware’? Don’t let your mind dilute it with ‘this’ and ‘he said this’. Forget it. I don’t care what I said.

This sense ‘I am aware’ is pointing you directly to what you are. You don’t need any other words. So, if you stay with me in this ‘I am aware’…, then is it unclear or clear? Where are you in this?

And this is for all of you. Don’t let your mind come in and distract you with something else. All of you can say ‘I am aware’. What does it mean? What is the meaning of ‘aware’? Is it a state that can be turned on and off? Can it come and go, this awareness?

Let’s look together at this. Don’t worry about any conclusion that the mind is making.

Q: [Inaudible]

Prior to Being also, ‘Am I aware?’ That which is aware of Presence.

Q: [Inaudible]

Yet, because Being is made up of Awareness alone, it comes to the recognition of its Source in this way. Because otherwise, what is the point of inquiry?

Q: [Inaudible]

Awareness is aware of itself, and Being recognizes that this is what is…

Q: [Inaudible]

Yes. It only comes after, and within. But it is made up of the same knowing.

Q: [Inaudible]

So, it is true that [Nisargadatta] Maharaj prescribed the practice of ‘Stay with the Presence’. And with this ‘Staying with the Presence’ then ultimately you realize that even the sense ‘I Am’ is not what you are. He said ‘The only thing you can say is true is the sense I Am. Ultimately even that is not true’. So, I find no trouble in pointing you directly to that which is your very own Source of Being Itself. You see? And you cannot deny the experience of that. So even though you’re reporting as Being, you’re speaking as Being, you cannot say ‘I am not aware’.

Q: [Inaudible]

Exactly. So who is reporting this?

Q: “Being is.”

Being is. That’s the point. This recognition that ‘Awareness is aware of Itself, and I am That’…, arises for who? Awareness is always aware of it. This recognition arises for who?

So, only Being is here for any recognition.

Q: “How can the Being…? [Inaudible]”

It [Being] recognizes that ‘This is where I come from’.

Just like the river can see where I’m floating. [‘I am the riverbed, and the appearance is the river’ Ananta had said earlier in satsang.]

That’s why often I’ve said that the sense ‘I Am’ is a two way gate: it has the power of belief and it can attach to various things; but you also use the sense ‘I Am’ to go within the ‘Am-ness’ itself and come to see the Source of the ‘Am’ which is ‘I’ itself.

Q: [Inaudible]

You see, the Knowing is always Knowing.

Awareness is always aware, and this is always ‘I’.

So although Being is coming to a realization of its Source,

The ‘I’ has always been ‘I’ .

Even in the playing of ‘I’ as ‘I Am’,

‘I’ has remained as ‘I’.

The confusion and the delusion, and all of that, arises for the playing part of the the ‘I Am-ness’. But in the play, the ‘I’ has never left the ‘I’.

Q: [Inaudible]

It’s not true. It’s not true that it [ego/personhood idea] can only be stripped off by a Being marinating in the Presence I Am, (which is beautiful. I’m not doubting.)

But to see the Source, I feel, is the quickest chop.  All the sense ‘I am this, I am that’…, once you see that ‘I am nothing. This has no quality, no attribute. This is what I Am.’…, then this Awareness Being Aware of Itself, and the recognition that Awareness is Aware of Itself…, is the quickest sword to cut your head off; not to stay with the sense ‘I Am’.

Q: [Inaudible]

You do whatever feels more comfortable to you, between these two. Whatever feels more at home for you, you’ll be fine.

Q: [Inaudible]

What are the options we are talking about? The option is ‘Should I stay with God? (as Being)’ or ‘Should I stay with the Absolute from which even God comes?’ What options are more beautiful? [Laughs] I have to say it like that since you say it so directly.

I have already said that, in my experience, I feel that directly we can see the Absolute no-thing-ness, which is the Source of Being. It is the ‘I’ which always is.

Then you say ‘As Being, then let me stay as Being’. Stay as God. The one that is saying ‘What is quicker for me?’ is neither, you see?

Here it was already said that there was not this sense that I would have neither the attention span nor the patience to just stay with the ‘I Am’ all the time. I don’t even feel it is a requirement.

Q: [Inaudible]

So, you want to realize the Self now…, then it needs no patience, no trust also. Are you aware now? Or not? That is your realization of the Self now.

Q: [Laughs] [Inaudible]

Who are You? Who are you that says ‘For Awareness says this, for Being like this, for me like this’. Who are you in all of this?

How did you leave Awareness and become Being? How did you become Being? Don’t fall for these tricks.

Because if you have remained as Awareness and it is your direct experience that this is true, then why are you trying to sort things out for Being?

Q: [Inaudible]

Exactly. Exactly. And who are you? Exactly. I agree with you. But you cannot leave. I have been saying this every day:

You cannot leave Awareness.

Q: [Inaudible]

Yes, because to recognize the Source of Being clears it up for Being very quickly.

What is recognized? It is recognized that I Am Awareness.

Q: [Inaudible]

Where are you in relation to the knowing? It is recognized that there is a knowing. Is there an ‘I’ that is in relation to the knowing in some way?

How far from you is knowing?

Q: [Inaudible]

How far from you is knowing?

Q: How can it be far?

How can it be far? Then can you not be this? Can you be something else? If there is no distance, no separation, then can I be something other than that?

[Silence]

And this recognition is happening in the Presence of Being? Or not?

Q: “Yes.”

Yes. Because this recognition is naturally there; in the sleep state no question about it. So the being is recognizing its Source.

This Awareness, I Am.

Before ‘Am’…., ‘I’.

Then what is left to do? How many years should we keep our attention on Being?

Q: [Laughs]

[Laughter in the room, and Ananta laughing.]  The bliss is coming from inside, but his mind is saying ‘No, no, no. No, no, no…, No, don’t come yet’.

Q: ‘…all the great Masters…’ [Inaudible]

Forget it. Please forget it. You stay with your direct experience. Forget even what I’m saying. NOW, I’m saying. Where do you lose me in your direct experience? You stay with your direct experience.

Q: [Inaudible]

So, I hear what you’re saying. You’re saying that your idea of freedom would be that there are no more thoughts coming from the mind; the end of the mind.

I have not met anyone like that. Definitely it is not there, so I can’t show you how to get there. I doubt very much also that this is predominately what Bhagavan was saying, because…

Q: [Inaudible]

But it is like this; the allowing of all to come and go; the Samadhi. I doubt very much that [inaudible] said that ‘the mind completely stops’. I would like to see it. At least I cannot offer you that.

So, his point was that ‘There must come a state where there is just no thought, because as long as there is thought, the potential for belief is there’. I cannot promise you that; because from here also, thoughts arise…, but are not believed.

[Silence]

Q: [Inaudible]

Don’t believe your next thought. Many get confused by the simplicity of this instruction.

Q: “I try to follow these instructions…”

Just now. It’s now. It’s always now.

Okay.

Q: So you say ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ but it appears here that belief happens automatically many a time. It’s so fast that thought comes, belief happens and before you realize; it functions all by itself. Because as Awareness, if I speak, I don’t have anything to say about that. But it happens. It appears that it’s a spontaneous power which expresses in the waking state.

So, as I said ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ which includes a thought which you’re believing about your past thoughts. So let’s do it together now. Let’s do together: Don’t believe your next thought.

Q: There’s no need even to believe the next thought. There’s no need.

That’s my point.

Q: Because I’m always aware, and that’s all. That’s a full stop. There is no need even to not believe the next thought. But many a time, belief happens by itself, you know?

Yes.

Q: And as Awareness, I cannot do anything about that. I’m simply aware of that fact. Belief happens. And if sometimes the thoughts are negative and belief happens in them, suffering also happens. But it is the Being which suffers, but I [as Awareness] don’t suffer.

Yes. Nothing has ever happened to Awareness. Then why do we do satsang?

Q: We need to keep reminding the Being that ‘You Are Awareness. You came out of Awareness’.

That’s it. That’s it. And the reminder is simpler, or the direct seeing is simpler than ‘I’m not deluding myself with these picked-up beliefs of being a person’.

Q: But I am never deluded myself, because I know what I am. It is Being which is deluding itself. The Consciousness is believing in ‘the person’ and behaving like a person many a time; in day to day life it behaves like a person.., that is egoic behavior also. But that is through my Awareness; I mean, that is in me as Awareness. But that still happens. And maybe the mind wants that; maybe the mind wants that ‘the person’ should never come back, that there should never be ‘a person’ again.

Yes, so don’t believe that.

Q: But that doesn’t happen. I mean, it keeps coming and going. It doesn’t do nothing to me as Awareness.

It’s a bit of a dilemma that you’re having between speaking as Awareness, and speaking as Being.

Q: Yes. But even that is witnessed in Awareness Itself.

Yes, my dear, I know that. [Chuckles] So this ‘Everything is appearing in Awareness Itself and Awareness is always aware of Itself; and even Consciousness is made up of Awareness Itself. There is nothing else’…, as this is clearer and clearer, then you will not even be concerned about what is happening to Being. So as long as the sense is there that ‘I Am’ then the ‘I Am’ has the potential to pick up ‘I am a good person, I am a spiritual seeker, I am enlightened, I am… whatever’. The dropping is happening for who? The dropping and picking up both are happening for ‘I Am’ Itself, for Consciousness Itself. There’s nothing to say to Awareness.

So the question ‘Am I aware now?’ is for Being to recognize the Source from where it comes.

Q: Does that pendulum slow down? Can I ask you, for yourself, has it stopped even? It slows down?

Yes, yes. Identifying as person, then just resting as Being; this pendulum. It slows down to such an extent that it seems like work to pick up thoughts. Of course, momentarily thoughts will be picked up. But those long term ones not.

You know, as I kid, I was very sulky about things; especially as a teenager. So if I’d had fight with my girlfriend or something like that, I would sulk for days; just holding on to these thoughts. Just sulk, sulk, sulk. And I find that is completely gone now. It’s not possible to sulk. Because a thought is just picked up momentarily…, is dropped.

So this sense of sulking, resentment, this sense of boredom, all of this gets wiped out. Because it’s dependent on the secondary part of the play. So, the first part is these natural emotions and sensations which…, sometimes [inaudible] can come, sometimes anger can come, but we interpret these. So another came, and then you interpret that and say…, anything…, either that ‘That person is so terrible’ or ‘I am so terrible’. And we convert these into this sense of thought-mixed-emotion; something like that. It stays then, like the sulking thing I was talking about. So that gets dropped. But everything is just momentary; fresh.

Q: And it happens all by itself; Consciousness in itself has this power to linger or not; that means you move out of your own way.

It has to happen by itself because actually there is nobody else here. Only Consciousness is appearing and disappearing. The ‘person’ is not even an appearance.

Q: It’s not even properly imagined. It’s half-hearted, I mean. Sometimes I wonder ‘How is it possible to pick up this ‘person’? It looks like it’s never possible. And sometimes it does happen, also by itself.

Yes. This is part of the play. A little bit back and forth, the little bit pendulum. It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t put any labels on yourself. Any label will give you trouble. And definitely don’t have this sense that ‘I got it’ or ‘I’m getting it’.

Q: That’s again a label.

Yes, exactly.

Q: It’s very difficult to use this word ‘I’…, because this ‘I’ is very tricky.

It can seem like that. Actually, I’ve never had so much trouble with using the word because when belief is withdrawn from this sense of personhood, it doesn’t mean that our natural way of living in the world stops or has to change. I don’t go into a restaurant saying ‘Oh, the body here is hungry, so can I have a pizza’. It’s not like that. It’s very natural…, ‘I would like a pizza’. It’s okay.

Q: But it does not become a definition for ‘me’.

Of course.

Q: I remember who I am.

Before ‘I Am’ actually.

Q: I am That, and I remain as That, which is even prior to ‘I Am’.

That’s why I ask you to stay with your direct experience and you will see that even ‘I Am’…, I am aware of it. It is appearing for Me; this I. So if I were to ask ‘Predominately What are you?’ Although ‘I Am’ is a beautiful aspect of you, I feel that if your experience is the same as mine, you will say ‘Predominately I am this Awareness’. And this tiny light called ‘Am-ness’ or Being also goes in and out. But stay true to your experience.

Q: Even there is no need to STAY in that experience; I Am That. Maybe that’s an instruction for the Being, you can say.

Yes. All instructions are for Being. Here at least. Of course, in the world you’ll find lots of instructions for the identity also. But in satsang, ‘Don’t believe the next thought’ and all instruction is for Being; not for Awareness. What can instruct Awareness? What pointing can you give to Awareness? [Chuckles]

Q: And who can point at Awareness? The one who is pointing is Itself Awareness. Who can point at That?

[Silence]

Q: Without believing a thought, can that thought become an action? [example: I have to go to college, go to a lecture]. Now, if this thought is not believed, will I take whatever the action needs to be without believing in the thought?

How does a thought become an action?

Q: The thought comes that ‘I want to go to satsang today’.

And yet the action might happen, or might not happen.

Q: Yes. It may happen or it may not happen; that is possible.

Both thoughts and actions are appearances within Consciousness. And Consciousness is free to project whatever thought and action it likes. In the game it can seem like ‘I thought this and I said yes to this thought, and therefore I did this’. But when you see our actions, all the actions are just happening on their own.

Also many times I decide to do certain thoughts, but when the moment comes, it doesn’t happen. I often use this example that ‘Okay, when I go to work today, I will tell my manager that he has to back off’. And when you wind up at work, you find yourself standing in front of the manger saying ‘What should I do next?’ So how does that happen? It just happened.

There is an example of this in the Yoga Vasistha; that the crow is flying and lands on the branch of the coconut tree and the coconut falls. Now, is it the landing of the crow on the coconut tree that caused the coconut to fall? The coconut might have been ready to fall even otherwise.

The mind has this tendency to make patterns and stories. The appearance of thought is happening; the appearance of action is happening. Actually they are just both appearances within Consciousness.

I don’t feel that Consciousness needs to rely on thought to run our life. To pretend to be a person, it needs to rely on thoughts.

Q: But when it wants to carry out intricate functions which require a lot of planning, like micro-planning everything, from this point to the end point. There is so much of thoughts going on; brainstorming. You plan everything.

Yes. Thoughts happen. Thoughts are believed in. Then when the time for action happens, action happens. Many times it is not according to plan or to micro-plan; many times it is. Both are okay.

Q: So, sometimes belief in the thoughts might be required for actions to be carried out?

What I’m saying is that I don’t believe that God would need a thought or a belief in a thought to carry out an action. But you’re free to believe it, if you like. It’s okay. It makes no difference. As long as the sense is that ‘Only God is here and there is no separate person’…, then it’s fine.

And why don’t I believe that God needs thoughts to run our life? God is running this entire realm. You go inward, inward, inward and you come to the realm of quantum physics where everything is just moving on its own. We haven’t even figured out how these trillions of cells, atoms come together and stay as a body. We haven’t figured out the cohesive force that keeps it together also. We haven’t figured out what intelligence anti-bodies have, who reads the DNA structure code…, you see? All of this, God is doing. God is doing all of this.

So, that which is running all this; light, sound, gravity, electricity…, all of these forces, the quantum forces…, does it really need to rely on these thoughts…, to move in this Consciousness? I find it tough to believe. But I’m okay if you have that belief, because as long as you are saying it’s God who is believing some thought and doing some action, I’m okay with it. As long as you’re not reading a [Q’s name] into the picture, no trouble.

Q: There is no [his name].

That’s it. But when a thought is coming, it is saying ‘Okay, God, this is what you have to do next’. All thoughts are presuming an existence of a ‘person’, no?

Q: Yes.

So, if the thoughts are of a [Q’s name]’…, and no [Q’s name] ever existed, then of what use is the thought?

Q: [Laughs] Out of words… [Laughs]

Even the other day…, there was this video where the particles of light, they change their trajectory based on whether there is an observer of that light or not. So it has some wave sort of movement when the observer exists, and just pure particle sort of movement when there is no observer. What gives the atom the intelligence that an observer exists now? Because normally, the thing is just going from point ‘a’ to ‘b’. What does it know? But there must be a Supreme Intelligence which is moving all of this.

And also there’s a BBC [show about a] study which I mention very often in satsang, which we can send to you, which is that the nerves start getting activated, the brain starts activating the nerve centers of the movement of the hand 6 seconds prior to the movement of the hand; and sometimes the thought comes one or two seconds before the movement. So the activation of the nerves is happening even before the thought comes.

It’s only post-facto that we come and say ‘Oh, I did this’. Or just before the action, then the mind tries to be tricky and say ‘Oh, yes, I must move my hand’ or something. It’s already happened.

But the [main] thing is that there is no [Q’s name]. The rest of it is fine by me. If God is playing in this way that he needs the thought to run the life, then let God play that way. God is playing in that way that a thought can come and do whatever it wants, and doesn’t need It to run the life, then let God play that way. I’m just saying that: Don’t believe there is this entity which a thought is telling you that you are.

Q: I’m not that aware of my actions… [Inaudible]… thoughts.

The one that is the Doer, let it worry about whether it needs thoughts or not.

Q: Nothing left to say.

With you, I’ll give you some advice, which is don’t try to create a conceptual framework about what we are saying. You’ll find it deeply frustrating. Just stay with your direct experience, and it will serve you very well.

If you make a set of ideas about ‘What is this, and this is Consciousness, this is Awareness, this is free will, this is God’s will’…, like that, like that, like that, then satsang will come and it will be the opposite. And it will be very frustrating for you also, because you’ll say ‘Oh, no, but I had understood this. Now I feel Ananta…, I don’t feel he’s being authentic’ and things like that. Because all these ideas that we have, they must be blown apart, you see? They must be blown apart. So, if you’re building a house of cards of concepts, then some wind has to come and blow it. Just be open, just be fresh every moment. Everything is clear when you stay with your direct seeing. Nothing you need to rely on; no concepts.

And also remember that most sages have said that ‘I don’t speak the Truth. Because the Truth actually cannot be spoken’. So, to keep you in that neutrality zone, where the mind jumps this way or that way…, some day I will say left, some day I will say right; someday I’ll say left, some day I’ll say right. So, if you’re attaching to the concepts of left and right, then this could be deeply frustrating for you.

But if you just stay with your own experience, all you have to do is check back …, then notice ‘What is this?’ Then you can say ‘This is the way I see it. Your saying something different from the way I see. Can we explore together?’ This is very beautiful for me. Because I still feel actually I can learn from your insight also. Give no belief to your ‘spiritual mind’ also…, which is trying to be the ‘spiritual mind’.

Q: [Smiles] Thank you.

Thank you, my dear.

Q: What is happening here is ‘I’m aware’ is not equal to ‘I am Awareness’. When I hear that ‘You are Awareness’ and when I try to tell myself that I’m Awareness, it feels false somewhere. It doesn’t feel real. And anything that requires more convincing is somehow not right; it has to be natural. And I see that most people don’t seem to be having a problem with this, because ‘I’m aware’ to ‘I’m Awareness’ …, they seem to be able to bridge that gap easily. And the mind, of course, when I read beautiful messages on Heart Altar, (that’s my favorite place to go), and [say to myself] like ‘See? You’re nowhere near there. All these experiences all these people are having, you don’t have any of those’. So, though I said it, I know it’s not true. So I just wanted to bring it up.

Ananta: So, we have a question that the sense ‘I am aware’ is not translating to the natural seeing that ‘I am Awareness Itself’.

I feel I want to say something on this, because I feel this is really the crux of what is being spoken of here. So let’s de-construct it totally.

So, initially the whole feeling is that ‘I’m aware OF…’ The computer I’m aware of, others I’m aware of, the world I’m aware of; aware of thoughts, feelings, emotions. The ‘of’ part has a lot of dominance. It gets all our attention, it gets our belief, in terms of what the ‘of’ is.

But you see, if you were to keep the ‘of’ aside for some time, (it can still arise. I’m not saying that the appearance should stop; that is the meaning of keeping it aside), I’m saying if we focus more on the first part, which is ‘I am aware’. So, the ‘of’ is still there, but our focus is not going there. We’re saying the words ‘I am aware’. That means that I know that there is something called ‘aware’.

You say ‘I’m walking. I’m talking’. We know what walking is, we know what talking is. So in the same way, we say ‘I am aware’. But when asked to check: ‘What is this aware?’…

So, we can say ‘I’m aware of…’ then it seems very natural. ‘Yeah, I’m naturally aware of these things’.

The question then switches to ‘What is this aware that I’m talking about?’ It’s as simple as that. Just in the same way that ‘I know I am walking, I know that I am talking; I am looking, I am speaking’. You see? So we know what those terms mean.

But somewhere prior to that, we also know what ‘aware’ means. But we never looked at that. What is that ‘aware’? So when we say ‘aware’…, ‘I know that I am aware’. But what is this ‘aware’?

Q: Without the data…

Without the content, without the data. So very naturally right now you can say ‘I’m aware, that these words are being heard’. Isn’t it? So far we’ve focused on the words which are being heard; the silence when no words are there. So we focused on the content of it. But we’ve not focused on this ‘aware’. ‘I’m aware’, you see? Because it seems so natural to be aware; because we have always been. Has there ever been a moment when we have not been aware?

Q: Sleep.

Yes, but sleep; how do you know there’s something called sleep? We know that there is something called sleep. That’s why I say if we did not know of sleep then we would just feel like a time lapse happened suddenly. It was night and now it’s morning. But, no, it’s not that, you see? ‘I went to sleep and now I woke up’. So who is aware that you slept?

Q: So when you become unconscious…, [inaudible]…awareness there?

Not really. It can remain very, very subtle. It can be very subtle because what happens is there is really no time and space whatsoever, so it can seem like just instantly. But just stay with this. So, you could have your eyes closed right now, but others around you would not be able to tell whether you’re sleeping or not. But you know ‘I went to sleep’ or ‘I didn’t go to sleep’. Isn’t it? So you are aware even of the sleep state. You are aware of something called sleep where there is nothing. Not even ‘I Am’. Who knows this? You know it. Nobody has to tell you that you were not there. So, there is awareness even of that. This awareness has been constant.

So, then, coming directly to your question which was ‘Yes, I know I am aware…’

So, this ‘I’… that knows it is aware… is what?

Q: Mentally…

Not mentally. What do you see? I know sometimes knowing the right answer gets in the way. So, right now, if you were to check: ‘I am aware’.

Who is aware?

Who knows this?

Who is that ‘I’?

And is it any different from the awareness itself which it knows?

You with me?

Is the ‘I’ that knows of awareness different from the awareness itself?

Q: It feels different.

Okay, so check:

The ‘I’ that knows it is aware, in what way does it feel different?

And at what distance is it from awareness?

Q: [Inaudible]

Tell me how it feels different. Is it just a picture, a visual of awareness that you have? If something is far away, that means it’s subject to space and time. What do you mean by far away?

Q: It feels distant, or larger than.

Okay, and who sees this?

Is that also far away?

That which sees that awareness is distant and larger than me…,

who sees that?

Is that also far?

Where is that one?

Q: It’s the ‘I’.

It’s the ‘I’.

So is it ‘That which is seeing awareness’?

Or is the ‘seeing’ itself awareness?

Or, let’s put it simpler:

Is the ‘I’ which is ‘seeing’…, is that awareness?

Or

Is that which is ‘seen’…, awareness?

Q: Say that again…

You say that ‘It seems like awareness it is far away; it feels like it is far’.

Then I said ‘Who sees this?’

You say ‘It is the I’.

So, is this ‘seeing’… awareness?

Or

Is that which is ‘seen’…, and feels like it is far…, is that awareness?

Q: This is the limited awareness, and this is …[inaudible, laughs]

So, how is this seeing limited?

By what?

Q: [Inaudible]

How is it limited?

Can you find the limits of it?

So if eyes are closed, senses are closed, is it not aware of no phenomena?

If you close your eyes, the awareness is still the same, isn’t it?

Only the content has vanished.

You see? There is no awareness at a distance. There’s just a visual, just an idea. So when we say ‘Universal Awareness’…, as you come more and more into the direct seeing of the ‘Seeing Itself’ you will find it has no limits.

So now we can see. Something will say ‘Yes. I’ll take this as homework’. [Laughs] I’m getting that sense ‘I’ve got something to do’. No, NOW we are seeing it.

Right now, all this ‘of’…, the content, is clear, is seen. The content could be any of this; either external or seemingly-internal. Even our Presence is seen. And I know that this Seeing is here. Nobody else knows; I know. So this ‘I’ is the Seeing Itself…, is my submission to you to check.

So, the Seeing Itself, at what distance am I from it?

You know what I mean by ‘Seeing’…, I’m not talking about the phenomenal seeing; I’m talking about the Awareness or the Knowingness.

Q: It’s right here.

It’s right here.

Is there any ‘I’ which is separate from this?

Can you separate awareness from yourself and show me?

[Silence]

Q: Mind ….

Also seen…, whatever the mind is saying is also seen; just another appearance. So, let it just remain as an appearance. You stay with your direct experience. Don’t rely on this one [mind thoughts] to be the teacher at all. Because you have one chair in front of you; either the mind can sit on it or I can sit on it. So, let me sit for a while. [Chuckles]

What I am pointing to is that which is aware of ALL of this phenomenal experience.

This awareness…, at what distance is it from you?

Q: There is no distance.

There is no distance.
Can you keep it aside from you?
Can you separate awareness from yourself?

[Silence]

Try to do it. Try to do it now. Push it aside; see if you can do it. Because the sense is there that it goes away. But it’s just imagined like that.

Even the ‘going away’…, who is aware of?

Must be You-as-Awareness.

To say that something is coming, it stays and it goes,

there must be something that is aware of it.

So if awareness went, then who would be aware of it?

So, the mind always comes with visuals of awareness,

saying ‘Now it’s close, see, it went far like that’.

Who is aware of that?

Who is seeing?

Who is the ‘Seeing’ itself’ actually?

That’s why my Master says: There is no ‘seer’. There is only the ‘Seeing’.

So then, coming back to your question, it was ‘I am aware’…

And this ‘I’ is what? … that can be aware?

Q: [Inaudible]

And when you don’t stay with it, is it limited?

Q: [Inaudible]

Yes. So don’t stay with it now, and show me how you limited it?

[Silence]

So, this awareness actually has no qualities and no attributes. So, even the term ‘limited’ or ‘unlimited’ does not apply to it. It is prior to time and space. Time and space come after the birth of Being, in the sense that when ‘I am’ is there, then the sense of time and space comes. So limits or no limits apply only after that.

This pure Witnessing…, so that’s why I say, when I ask you ‘Are you aware now?’ and you confirm ‘Yes’…, what is seen?

Q: There’s a sense of awareness.

There’s a sense of awareness.

This sense of awareness…, how is it limited?

Can it even be defined in spatial terms?

Stay with your seeing; don’t give it to the mind.

So when I say ‘Are you aware now?’ and [the answer comes] ‘Yes’

and that was seen…, was that limited in any way?

Q: [Inaudible]

But, you see, that is the ‘OF’ part. Aware ‘of’. We’re talking about the ‘aware’.

Q: It isn’t…

The ‘of’ part seems limited because our attention is limited.

Awareness is unlimited.

But attention is limited.

That which is aware even that attention is limited,

That is not limited.

The awareness that knows that attention is limited,

That is not limited.

So it can be that ‘attention’ gets confused for ‘Awareness’.

Then it can seem like ‘Oh, when I’m day-to-day, then it can seem so limited’.

Because it’s ‘attention’.

Or when I’m meditating or something, then it’s just open.

Because attention is coming back to its Source, which is Awareness itself.

So, it can seem like ‘Oh, it’s far away’. But change is only happening for attention, not to awareness. So, that which is aware of limits and no limits, that itself, you must see…, and see if it has any limits…, and see how these terms even apply to that.

So, now if I ask you ‘Are you aware now?’

Q: Yes.

The ‘Yes’ comes, but nothing was seen phenomenally to confirm it. So, what is seen phenomenally is the ‘OF’ part…, ‘I’m aware of…’

But the term ‘aware’…, was there any phenomena seen to confirm the term ‘aware’?

Q: No.

This is the Knowingness itself.

And this does not go.

And the ‘I’ that is aware, is it separate from this awareness itself?

[Silence]

I know these words can be the most confusing for the mind. But naturally for you, it’s getting clear now.

Is there anything else except awareness which can be aware?

It is only awareness which can be aware.

Therefore, when you say ‘I am aware’ …,

Therefore, what you’re saying is: Awareness is aware.

So, if we expect that the sense of ‘I Am’ will now become Awareness…,

It is made up of Awareness.

But the mind can say ‘I Am Awareness’ would mean that ‘I Am-ness’ is now only Awareness. Not like that; not to fall into these kinds of inclusions. Just check:

I say ‘I am aware’,

What, besides Awareness, is aware?

Only Awareness is aware.

Therefore, we can say:
Awareness is aware.

Therefore, I Am Awareness.

Because I Am Aware.

So, when we come to this point that ‘I Am Aware’…, if we have to put some sense of distance into it, we’re like this close [hold two fingers touching together]. Because that which can say ‘I Am Aware’ is only Awareness. Nothing else.

So, in that case, the ‘I’ can very easily be replaced by ‘Awareness’. The instant you say ‘I Am Aware’ you are already speaking as Awareness.

Q: Thank you.

I feel that this is what the whole point of satsang is. And if someone is at that point of this question, which I really enjoy, that ‘I looked and I checked ‘Am I aware now? And I can say ‘I am aware…, but ‘I am Awareness’ is still not clear’…, then I cannot let that question just go by.

Right now, who am I? Before we can think about it….

Not ‘Who am I?’[points to himself]…,

Who am I? [waves hand around the room]

Before a concept can be picked up about it.

Before I need to define.

Before I’ve figure it out who I am, You Are.

Isn’t it?

There is nothing missing in that. Before we pick up the idea of missing, before we pick up the idea that ‘I am something’ there is nothing missing. And Awareness is just aware that I Am, or aware that I am not. Even before we can use the words ‘I Am’ or ‘I am not’…, prior to any of these concepts, the sense ‘I Am’ is here; that which you call the waking state or the dream state. And it is our direct experience also that the ‘I Am’ is not there in that which we call the sleep state.

Why this can seem like a journey only is that for a long time we seem to be trying to convince our mind. You see? We feel that convincing ‘that-which-we-believe-ourself-to-be’ is freedom. So we feel that when we completely believe that ‘I am Consciousness’ or I believe that ‘I am Awareness’…, ‘then I will be free’. And ‘Because I don’t completely believe it yet, I am not there yet’.

But this freedom doesn’t need your belief; doesn’t need our belief. It is prior to that. So that which needs belief can only be an idea. Only ideas can be believed in. Truth cannot be believed in. And the ideas can be beautiful or they can be terrible; but are only just ideas.

Before the idea…, are you not? Before your mind, who can say ‘I am not’? …, with integrity?

I’ve seen some very conceptually Advaita types who can say ‘I don’t exist’. What they mean is ‘I don’t exist personally’. But they do exist as Consciousness. The ‘I’ that I always believed myself to be has never existed. But the Presence of Consciousness is appearing, and it is appearing to that ‘I’ which is constantly here called Awareness. So when it is said ‘I don’t exist’ or ‘You don’t exist at all’ it is referring to this idea of the separate entity.

Otherwise, at best, we are saying that ‘I know I don’t exist. I KNOW this’. See? ‘I…know… that I don’t exist’. ‘I saw. I saw’. [Laughs] And I don’t think this is so clear. What is happening? Where is the confusion? The confusion only is that ‘I saw that I don’t exist as a phenomenal entity. Person anyway is long gone; just an idea. But I don’t exist as a phenomenal entity’. Who saw this? Or who knows this? Or who is aware of this? The Knowing-ness or the Awareness itself.

So some might say that ‘Oh, I’m aware that there is no awareness. I know this, that even awareness was not there’. The Knowing-ness Itself that knows that something was not there, or was there, IS Awareness.

So either it can be when we say ‘I don’t exist’ we are talking about the non-existent idea that I had about myself. Or it could be that we’re talking about the phenomenal sense; that even the sense ‘I am’ I am not…, I am that which is prior even to that. Or third and most often, it is a definition type problem, it’s conceptual; where the words have been used in a lot of different ways and that relates to a lot of confusion.

But truth in itself mean ‘that which is not coming and going’.

The reality itself means ‘that which is not coming and going’.

Appearances or maya is that which is coming and going. So when it is said ‘The realm of name and form’ … ‘name’ means concept, ideas; ‘form’ means phenomenal appearances. So if maya is the realm of name and form, then that which is aware of name and form must be name-less, form-less.

So then, if Awareness itself was coming and going, who would be aware of that?

The fourth confusion sometimes can be that we confuse what I call the phenomenal perceiving to be the Awareness, you see? The phenomenal perceiving is only arising in the Presence of I Am.

The world uses awareness in this way…, ‘I’m aware of this glass, I’m aware of this concept’ …, that which is phenomenally perceived. Obviously that is subject to the Presence of Being, so that is coming and going. But who knows ‘of’? Who is aware that phenomenal perceiving is happening? That is the Awareness that we are talking about; not the phenomenal perceiving in itself.

So sometimes, if we use awareness in that sense of phenomenal perceiving, we can say ‘Yes, awareness is coming and going, and it belongs to my Being’.

And the easiest way to find out all of this for ourself is just to stay with our direct experience. Use whatever pointers are available to us from satsang, and check for ourself: Is this directly what is experienced here, or not?

[Silence]

The entire point of any spiritual practice and even self-inquiry is just to come to this direct experience of what we are.

[Silence]

So, what is our direct experience? Sleep is a direct experience. We don’t have to learn about sleep in school, that ‘This is how you sleep, this is what happens in sleep’. It’s a very natural dissolution of the sense of Being. And waking up is also direct experience; not conceptual. That there was no sense of Being, this Awareness was aware of itself; then there was now (made up of Awareness Itself) the sense of Being. And with the birth of this sense of Being, the entire circus starts. So much comes to life instantly; this whole play with all of its energies and forces…, metaphysical, physical. And it’s alluring in a way that very quickly you get involved with it. Very quickly we get involved with the identity of being the person and the body.

But in satsang, in self-inquiry, we slow it down, and we look: So, what is happening here? Being came to Be…, what happened? Along with the birth of Being, we noticed that there also were the forces of attention, of belief; there are these energies called thoughts, and the entire energetic creation that we call the world is present with all the forces of light, sound, gravity, electricity; all of this.

But what happened to that Awareness that is just aware of Itself? Nothing happened to this Awareness. It did not become an object within this phenomenal play. All of this objectivity, phenomenality is within it; but It Itself did not stop being Aware. It remained untouched and unmoved. This is the ‘I’ that is ever-present.

[Silence]

And just the reverse of this happens when we go to sleep. In our scriptures it is said ‘Just like the legs of the turtle, this world goes back into itself’. You see? So all of this…, when sleep is coming, all of this rolls into Being, and then Being dissolves into That which It was always made up of, which is Awareness Itself.

That is all that is going on. Everything else…, if you say that there’s something other than this, to me it seems to be just imagination. Because from my direct experience this is what we can speak.

Now, what happens is, with the Presence of Being, is there can be this impulse towards conceptual understanding, because in this realm of polarity we are used to understand using our mind conceptually. But satsang leads us to a sort of deeper understanding; that understanding which is un-reliant on any concept; is not changing based on the concept that we have.

The seeming life of the person changes with the concepts that they are believing. It seems to change like that. So that is why all this positive thinking and ‘think positive’ and self-help and all that…, ‘Just think happy thoughts’… [Laughs] …because the concepts that you carry seem to affect the person identity.

Here what we’re saying is whether you have the most terrible thoughts or the best thoughts, the Truth of What You Are is not changing. So whatever conceptual understanding we might have, ultimately actually does not matter. Therefore we must stop fighting about any conceptual understanding. ‘Oh, his understanding is like this; her understanding is like this; this is not compliant with my understanding’. Forget it. It’s never about any conceptual understanding.

Then the space that comes to look together only is from that sense of ‘This is the way that I see it’. And if there seems to be some disconnect with the way another sees it, then that is a beautiful contemplation that we can have together; and it is something that I am always up for.

So the leela is a circus which is appearing in the Presence of Being. And the mind is the merry-go-round in this circus. It says ‘I’ll take you there, to the final destination’. The merry-go-round; and you buy a ticket which says ‘Become a better person’ or ‘Become like this or like that’…, ‘Buy that ticket’. You jump on the merry-go-round and it seems to be moving. So initially it can seem like you’re making some progress, you see? And then it starts turning back. [Laughs] Turning around. [Laughs] And you go ‘No, no, I’m losing it, losing it! That way! I need to become a better person’. And then it starts going back again, forward. So this merry-go-round, we realize that after a long time, we’re just at the starting point.

Then we say ‘I’ve come to satsang, I’m going to get off this merry-go-round. I’ve seen it’s just a merry-go-round, it’s not taking me anywhere. I’m going to get off. I’m not going to buy the ‘mind ticket’ come what may!’ Then it comes up with another ticket; it says ‘Now, this is super! Now, I’m going to take you to the Super-Enlightened state!’…, (the mind says).

[Laughs, and someone asks a question]

Q: Is there fundamentally a difference in perception between you and I? And is there a gap there that needs to be bridged?

This is an interesting topic; two or three points for this. One is what we just spoke about. [Intro talk also posted from 1^st Feb.].

We mean by ‘perceiving’ that we are talking about the phenomenal perception. Because the objects in our perception obviously, they can be different. The phenomenal perception through the senses must also be functioning in the same way. But what we are talking about as Awareness is that which is aware even of this perceiving happening or not happening. You see? Of course, no difference there in awareness.

The point is, if there is any difference, what seems to be…, so I can talk about what happened here. Earlier when some perceiving was happening [sweeps hand around the room] it was always along with the buying of the interpretation ‘What’s in it for me?’ I see now that there was this habit to look at everything with the aid of the interpreter, which is saying ‘Okay, what’s in it for me in this? What’s in it for me? If I talk to her, what’s in it for me? If I speak to him, what’s in it for me?’ Everything was like that. ‘What value is being added to me because of it?’ It was always this ‘me, me, me’.

So, that has dropped, because we realize that there’s nothing that this world can give you. You have no need for anything. As Awareness, there is no need for anything. There’s no lack of anything. And there is nothing that the world can give you; because nothing in the world touches What-I-Am anyway.

So then this sense of ‘What’s in it for me?’ drops…, predominantly; mostly it is not there. Then this perceiving is just happening as perceiving.

Otherwise it’s like we constantly have this hearing aid on which is saying ‘Okay, now you’re here. What’s in it for you? Are you wasting time? Why is it like this?’ You know? All of this… selfish way (I don’t like the word selfish so much because there is the Self, but)… egoistic way of looking at life. That drops.

And that is the only fundamental difference between how it was earlier here and how it is now.

Q: [Inaudible]

Also this self-judgment from before is missing, that was like ‘Oh, why am I saying this? Am I saying the right thing? Why am I getting angry, or not angry? Why is…?’  All of this has also been dropped. You just watch it; you’re watching the entire thing…, as a whole. You’re not saying ‘Why I am doing this? Why is she doing this?’ Like that.  So, it’s very spontaneous and fresh.

Q: [Inaudible]

Yes, there can be times like that. She said ‘Do you revisit times from the past?’ There can be times like that. In fact, the other day I was listening to someone who said ‘Hind-sight is 20/20’. I said ‘Okay. But if hind-sight is the only thing which is 20/20, then why not use it?’ 20/20 means complete clarity of vision. Because it’s often said that ‘Hind-sight is 20/20’. It’s okay to say it later; after events you can see things clearly. So, I said ‘Okay, if hind-sight is 20/20, let’s use it, because it’s 20/20. It’s a nice thing’. [Laughs] See?

So there’s no trouble with even referring back. The trouble is if we refer back and we make judgments about ourself, about others, and we pick up doership that ‘I should not do this or do that’.  Then it leads to trouble.

Just to go back is so beautiful…, because I felt, for example, at the end of the previous satsang I felt I wanted to hear what Shakti said again. So I went back to the recording and heard it. It was very beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with back, forwards….