BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

I read something really beautiful today, which I posted on Facebook also, where Bhagavan said ‘There is no ego’. It seems like the most obvious thing. It’s what we speak about every day. So if there is no ego, then …? Is there something to get rid of, something to overcome, something to even transcend? So…, there is no ego.

And also he said that ‘And every time we inquire and look for it, we find that it doesn’t exist’. Am I the only one who feels like it’s enormous? [what Bhagavan is saying?] Because if there is no ego, then … ? [Laughs] … what are we doing?

So, in actuality there is no ego, in reality there is no person. That’s why, in the same breath, he says ‘When we inquire…’ What is the need to inquire then? If there is no person, and in actuality, reality there is no ego, then why would you also say ‘Let’s inquire and see’?  Because although there is no ego, there is no person in reality, in actuality, yet we have this way of believing it to be there, of believing in one that doesn’t exist.

Now, the greatest discovery, in no uncertain terms, is that there is no ego. Are we still going to believe the voice that says ‘But maybe…, but what about this?…, and what about my feelings?…, and what about my entire spiritual journey?’ In a way, yes, but also it’s been a joyous play actually.

So are you going to go with Bhagavan’s words and check into the reality of what he’s saying? Or are you still going to buy something which the mind is telling you? That is the only seeming choice right now. The only seeming choice, if there is one, is this one. Are we going to inquire and look?

Understand actually what is the meaning of ‘Who am I?’ Is it a question, Who am I? Is it just a question? No. It is an imploration just to look, to inquire. So it is the looking ‘Who am I?’ not the questioning ‘Who am I?’ that is important.

You know the meaning, when I say like this? I mean that when it’s just a question, then it’s responded to with an answer. But when it’s a looking for ‘Who am I?’ then it is not just settling for a mental answer. It is actually looking: Who am I… right now?

Bhagavan said when we look into this, when we find there are not two of us here, we find that there never has been an ego. Only the Self is here.

Beautiful, isn’t it? Because if only the Self is here, then where do we need to go looking for it? Nowhere. Just here.

And when we look, what do we find? If we have no expectation about what we are supposed to find; let’s keep all expectation [aside] about what is supposed to be the Self, and let’s look at what is actually here.

And that which is here …, is You. That which is aware of the mind and aware of no-mind, aware of thoughts and the space between thoughts.

Do You go away? A thought comes, a thought goes. The next thought comes, the next thought goes. In between these two, are you still there? Or no? Or do you also go with the thought? Then if you’re still there…, actually look. [Silence]

Is there any change of this One, with the coming and going; whether thought is there or not there?

Which part of You also went away with the thought? Is there any part? [Silence]

Are you not effortlessly here as the Witnessing of these? [Silence]

And in all of this, we see that in the outer world, we see that there are these voices, words, which are heard, there are visuals which are coming and going…, do You go away? …, when a visual goes away…, or a sound goes away…, or a sensation goes away? [Silence]

Are You not still here in the coming and going of these appearances?

Then let’s go further in. Thoughts can come and thoughts can go. With the coming and going of these thoughts, do You also come and go? Or You are just Here? [Silence]

Who is Here in the space between your thoughts? [Silence]

That which witnesses the coming of thought and the going of thought, That is still here even when the thought is gone. [Silence]

You are not resisting any thoughts. You are unaffected, untouched. [Silence]

Let’s go even deeper in. Noticing of sensations. Who is witnessing them? And is that which is witnessing them coming and going along with them? Or is it just Here? [Silence]

Bring your attention to any of these sensations; any sensation in the body, or any emotion or any pain that you’re experiencing.

Are You aware of it, or is it aware of You?

And this You that is aware of it…, is something happening to It? [Silence]

See now if you can bring your attention to your own sense of Being, sense of existing, this sense that ‘I am’. [Silence]

Observe how Being is just being. It is not being as something. It just Is. [Silence]

There is nothing that this Being wants. And there is nothing that this Being is resisting. [Silence]

Just Here. Always present. [Silence]

See now if you can bring your attention completely back to the Witnessing Itself, to That which is aware even of Presence. [Silence]

What is Here? Is there an up or down? Is there a right or wrong? Is there any time or space? [Silence]

Can this be found or lost? Can it come and go? [Silence]

Try to separate yourself from This One. Not just in your imagination, not just as a visual; but actually create some distance between yourself and This. [Silence]

Do you have a color or shape or size here? [Silence]

Now allow your attention to go to your Presence…, and notice how, although attention has gone to this place of Presence, You have not left your true position.., [Silence] …, only attention is now moving about. [Silence]

And now allow your attention to go wherever it likes. Leave it completely free. [Silence]

And notice that even though your attention is now completely left free to go wherever it likes, You are still the Awareness that is aware even of the movement of attention. [Silence]

You don’t have to hold on to this place. In fact, You can never leave it.

[Silence]

Just this simple Seeing is Your Self-recognition.

[Silence]

It is Your realization that ‘I Am the Self’.

[Silence]

And notice how, as we cross this realm of appearances, we didn’t come across something called ‘the ego’.

We didn’t encounter this person.

It has no existence.

Not even in our imagination.

Q: So I want to ask one last question to you. This knowingness is the ‘I’, the bigger ‘I’ and the bigger ‘K’ [for Knowingness].

Yes.

Q:  This is only for conversation’s sake.

Yes.

Q: Still there is a question which pops up, that within this Knowingness; I don’t know if it comes from the mind or if it comes from the general self-inquiry but there is a Knowingness, only the Knowingness. Where do ‘I’ stand in all this? Where do I stand in all this? Who am ‘I’ in all this?

Yes.

Q: Either this ‘Who am I?’ question has to actually get burnt in the Awareness or there is no further question required. But still something comes up. Who am ‘I’ actually in all this Awareness?

Yes, yes, yes. So I will make it simple for you. I will give you the hypothesis that You are this Awareness itself. Now you have to prove me wrong; you have to show me how this is not true. So I’ve just given you a submission. Now you have to validate or invalidate it based on your direct experience. I am saying that the true ‘I’…, when you say ‘Where am I in relation to this?’…, (it’s usually my question actually, but I’m happy you ask so I’ll give you the answer), that this ‘I’ is this Awareness or Knowingness itself. Now you take this as a submission, and you check this out.

Q: In this awareness there is no ‘I’.

Yes, but you are there or not?

Q: Only if I look, if I looks into ‘I’ then ‘I Am’, otherwise there is no ‘I’.

Who knows there is no ‘I’?

Q: Ok, for the further language sake, I Know.

Not language sake, really who knows? You see, I’ll tell you what the trouble is; I’ll tell you what the trouble is.

Q: Yes.

We are too used to using ‘I’ for this body/mind, that now when I say that You in reality, this ‘I’ in reality, is Awareness itself, you say there is no ‘I’ here. What it means when you say there is no ‘I’ here? It means there is no body/mind functioning here, isn’t it?

Q: No not really, not like that. You see Bhagavan Krishna says…, (I don’t know, I mean this is in Hindi of course, so kindly excuse me, others, because this is in my own language)…, [Speaks a phrase in his language] [meaning] ‘There is no separation as such, there is just one, who actually is absorbed into Himself, and this absorption…,

When I say ‘I’ there has to be something before ‘I’. I mean, whatever you call it as Presence or Awareness, when I say ‘I’ …, even if it is not mind and body, even if it is ‘I Am’, my own  existence…, I am prior to existence. I am prior to existence actually, because there is no existence actually. There is just no existence. I mean, to say that there is an existence itself is a kind of expression.

Yes, yes. So that is where I was coming to next, which is that first we are so used to relating to ourselves as the body/mind. Then you say that ‘In this Awareness I find that there is no body/mind movement’. Then you say that even the sense ‘I Am’ at best is just an appearance within this Awareness, or we can say in front of this Awareness.

So this Awareness is untouched even by the Presence or absence of ‘I Am-ness’. You see? Now This One I say is the real ‘I’. As Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said it is the ‘I’ from which is born the ‘I-I’…, which he used to call the ‘I- I’ and [Nisargadatta] Maharaj used to call the ‘I Am’. You see? So this ‘I’, as Bhagavan said, remains; which is prior even to the sense of existence. You are absolutely right, you see?

But this is your own direct knowing of this? It is not something just imagined or some concept from a scripture. You are having the direct insight of this, isn’t it? It is not anyone else’s, it is not the body/mind’s…, it is not even belonging to Presence, not even belonging to Consciousness.

This is completely prior to personhood and prior even to ‘I Am’. And this is the truest ‘I’.

Because you cannot separate from this, as hard as you may try as hard as the mind might try, you cannot become anything else but this Awareness Itself.

Q: Yes, yes. That is an experience. Then where is the nothingness in this?

This Awareness is ‘no-thing’. Isn’t it? That’s why when Guruji [Mooji] says that sometimes the mind misunderstands ‘nothing’ to mean that it’s a negative ‘nothing’. Actually it’s the ‘no-thing’ from which everything comes.

Q: So if I have this direct experience, then how is it that there is not so much clarity and there’s still doubts and there are still questions? Why are they…

Yes, that’s why it’s very important. It’s a little subtle so all of you must pay attention to what I’m saying.

The recognition of what I really am always happens in an instant. Every time we check, we ask the question ‘Am I aware now?’  This recognition of my truest nature is available to us.

But it doesn’t always happen with this instantaneous recognition, that all my conditioning gets dropped away. In fact it happens very rarely like that; that in one recognition all conditioning is dropped away. What usually happens is every time there is this recognition, some part of the mis-belief in myself as a person is chopped off. When a big chunk of this is chopped away then there can be some, like, laughing and crying happening; what we usually call an awakening experience. You see it’s nothing but a big chunk of the conditioning being wiped off. But for some it flows like this, big, big chunks are going. And for some, a soft, dissolving, sober seeing. And either are okay; either are okay. You see?

So although the recognition of the truth is instantaneous, we have the idea that once the truth is seen all of our prior conditioning should be dropped away. Actually all will never be dropped away. Not even for the Sages, not even for the Avatars. All is never dropped, but you find that most of it is going as we continue to come to Satsang. And that is why I say that you are free right now in reality, but you must keep coming to Satsang. And many get confused by this.

The point is that the first part is the recognition of the reality of What You Are and the second part is seemingly time bound in this play; the dropping of the conditioning. You see? So the mind tries to correlate the two things. ‘Okay, if I see the truth then why am I still …, [why is] this condition there, suffering? Why are my attachments still not going’ You see, like this; which itself is adding on fresh conditioning. So this recognition is very useful to drop conditioning but with no expectation that with one short finger snap everything should go away.

Q: So how did it happen?

Also it was not finger snap, although when I sat in front of Guruji [Mooji] there was a chunk that he just took away, a big chunk of the conditioning. But then also for a period of time…, (and I must be honest and with integrity tell you that it is a continuous ongoing process which continues to this day). Nobody can tell you that I am 100% free from conditioning. Even Ram…, Ram cried when Sita was taken away. Even Jesus said on the cross ‘Oh Father, why have you forsaken me?’ You see, just momentarily the play of condition will always happen.

Q: I understand what you mean.  [Inaudible] And I know this is a pure emotion not a conditioned emotion which comes out. So you’ll be able to enjoy all Rasas, you know those nine Rasas and everything, you’ll be able to…, this Maya becomes a Leela actually. But if you see Adi Shankaracharya has written what you call Nirvana Shatakam. He says totally different. He says totally different; he says he is nothing actually. Where as in the Avadhut Gita he talks positive; ‘I am this’. He does not say ‘Neti, Neti, Neti’. So different ones have different expressions; actually it is the same stuff.

But where is the time, Ananta? I mean the body can fall the next moment. Where is a time to actually, you know, go in a very slow process? Where is a time?

The play of conditioning is also a play that Consciousness is playing, so there is no need to worry about time because time and space are also in service to Consciousness. In a seemingly one-minute dream you can dream up an entire lifetime. So as much as space is a projection, time is also a projection. God is not worried about time.

Q: Yes, but as we believe that there is reincarnation…, I don’t want to believe them, that is what they say… Mukti. Every Indian knows Mukti and they say…, I mean it’s basically no rebirth. Some say Mukti is liberation from the conditioning. So as of now I’m not liberated from conditioning. I don’t know what is birth and what is rebirth. Then where is Mukti for me? It is just a recognition. Where is the Mukti for me​? Why is there still ‘somebody’…, you know, who wants the Mukti?

Yes, yes, yes. And even the recognition does not belong to this one who is saying ‘Where is the Mukti for me?’

Q: That is not bothered at all; that is not bothered at all! It doesn’t know Mukti at all.

Exactly. So if that is the recognition that That is my true nature, and this ‘I’ is unconcerned with Moksha, and that which arises in service to this, Consciousness…, not a blade of grass moves without the will of God. Then whose problem is also Mukti? It only belongs to Consciousness.

Q: Sorry, I did not catch that.

Yes, yes, yes. ‘I’m saying that you say that ‘The truth of what I am is unconcerned with this sort of liberation, nirvana’. You see?

Q: True.

And this Consciousness which is arising in service to this reality of what you are; not a blade of grass moves without the will of this Consciousness. You see? So rebirths and non-rebirths, the cycle of birth and deaths, all of this is all a play of Consciousness. And it will not happen without the will of this Consciousness.

And you are coming to the realization that ‘I Am That I Am’ and actually ‘I am that which is beyond even this I Am’…, you yourself are saying; you yourself are saying. Then this one that is saying ‘I want Mukti now, I want’ …, the one throwing the tantrum now is neither of these. You see? It is neither of these. So let’s not give too much attention to this one; let’s not give too much belief to this one.

Q: Okay, because I know you know Lakshmana Swami.

Yes.

Q: And I was reading the bio and he has an adopted daughter, he still has an adopted daughter.

Yes.

Q: And the very fact that she got it was that she was saying ‘Shiva’ on the throne, being invited and all that stuff. Any others may not like it because they do not know the story…, and then finally she surrendered to the Guru’s feet and then Bhagavan Lakshmana Swami said that either she would have been born as a Goddess if she had gone on with Shiva, or this ‘I’, this ‘I’ would have got the rebirth. So this rebirth is actually of the ‘I’. I am not debating it because it is coming from a realized master.  So what needs to be reborn is basically the ‘I’ which goes from the one birth to the second birth. Now this ‘I’ is a small ‘i’ I suppose? That is a conditioned ‘I’? Is that so?

The true ‘I’ is the unborn; it is neither born nor dying. The ‘I Am’ is coming and going and every coming and going actually you can call a rebirth. You see, you can call every day also a rebirth. How do you know you were in this body/mind, playing as this body/mind, anytime previous to this? Even in the dream we have a memory of yesterday, you see? Let’s not worry too much about these concepts.

Rebirth is just the Presence of the ‘I Am-ness’ …, and the absence of the ‘I Am-ness’ …, and the Presence of the ‘I Am-ness’ again. So we die and we are born again every time this ‘I Am’ is dissolving or coming back. So this appearance and disappearance of ‘I Am-ness’ must be birth and death actually.

But the real ‘I’ is unborn, undying.

Q: I was at work. I was having lunch at a restaurant and feeling very good and I began to feel very expansive, and very expansive, and very expansive, and then all of a sudden I felt, Uh-oh, I better not dissolve because I have a new client coming and I can’t dissolve. You know? And then I said that I’m a psychotherapist and it would be okay if I’m just ‘The Being’ in my work [laughter]. And I wondered if you had any comments about that fear. I think that was the fear in that moment. I think I caught myself and then pulled myself back. Do you have any suggestions?

I feel that being a psychotherapist is very good actually. And especially in this sangha we have many psychotherapists. And I feel this sense of dropping of personhood is actually very helpful for you to bring this sense of peace to the clients which are coming to you. In fact, maybe we can hear from one of the psychotherapists. Shakti is also here, so maybe she can share directly from what she feels about this.

Q: Yes. How do you deal with the fear? That fear of dissolving. Because I felt myself dissolving in that wonderful peace and happiness, and then there was the fear. And so I would like to know how to deal with that, either with you or other therapists.

Shakti: Namaste.

Q: Namaste.

Shakti: What I can say is that, the fear really doesn’t matter, because you’re already That. The fear is just some reaction that has been trained into us from the imagining that we’re separate. So we haven’t lost anything when we feel that fear.

Q: That’s good to know.

Shakti: It’s as though Consciousness is so economical; it doesn’t waste anything. So when we feel this expansion and then a contraction, it’s as though it’s just saying ‘Look here, look here at this place that’s maybe still tight’. But we can’t not be what we are. We only can be pointed to what we’re imagining. And what the mind wants to do, (in my experience of this experience), is the mind wants to say that we’ve failed or that we’ve lost our chance; but it’s not so. We just get to look at this place that was imagining that it could do something wrong or lose.

Q: Good. Good, that’s encouraging.

Shakti: And I would say to you also that there’s so much mercy in the Self. So be merciful with each other, and with ourselves.

Q: Thank you.

Shakti: Thank you.

Very beautiful, thank you. The funniest thing…, the mind actually can come and say ‘If you’re just God, then you’re going to make a mess of it…, (because You’re just Being), and ‘you can’t just be’.., the mind says. ‘You can’t just be Being right now. You have to be Lucia, you see, you have to be the psychotherapist. This Being doesn’t know anything about psychotherapy’. [Laughter].

You see, this is very primal actually. This is very common also. And we face this every day. The mind says that ‘If you start going to satsang, who’s going to pay your bills? How will your responsibilities be managed? What is your future going to look like? You’re being completely irresponsible. You’re not even concerned about your patients. How can you just let them meet God? They must meet Lucia, [Laughter] because God might just say anything. He’s just out of control; He’s just out of control’. [Laughter].

Q: Right, right. God may be out of control.

You see, this one that doesn’t exist, that we believe can be in control and can project the right image of ourselves…, see, this is the joke. ‘The One that runs this entire universe, and planets, and gravity, electricity, lights, sound, all of this…, this One cannot be a good psychotherapist. [Laughter]. This One cannot be reliable. Lucia, Lucia can do it; the non-existent one’. You see, this is the upside down, upside down thinking of the mind. [Inaudible]

Q: That’s very funny [Laughter]. That’s very funny. When you put it that way, it’s very funny [Laughter]. Very funny…

‘I can’t surrender because I don’t know what God is going to do. He might make a complete mess of this’. You see? [Laughter]

Q: [Laughter] All right. God forbid I should let God do it. [Laughter]. Oh, funny, funny, funny.

[Laughter] So Consciousness actually has been playing this role, forever. It’s only Consciousness which has been playing these roles. You will find that the roles can continue, if they have to; with no expectation of what must happen or not. Very funny how the mind comes, ‘not now, not now’. You see? [Laughter].

Q: Right, right. ‘Not now’.

We’ve been looking for freedom for our entire life, for many lifetimes. ‘You have to come just before this client is coming?’ [Laughter].

Q: [Laughter] ‘Can’t we wait a couple hours?’

‘I know you waited so long to come anyway’.

Q: ‘Can’t you put it off a couple hours?’ [Laughter]

‘Get a grip, get a grip’. [Laughter].

Q: Right, right. ‘Not right before I have this very difficult new client!’ [Laughter]. Oh my God…, [Laughter]…, really funny.

‘I really, really, really want freedom! I want nothing else, but to discover myself! But just, two hours later’.

Q: ‘When I’m off, when I’m not at work, when I’m off work in two hours’.

‘I can give up my life for freedom. I give up my life! Just not this one client’. You see? [Laughter].

Q: [Hysterical laughter]. This one client that no one has been able to figure out how to deal with; and they’ve come to me.

‘Just when this client was coming to find its savior, you had to come and save me’.

Q: Laughter therapy, yes. [Hysterical laughter].

You’ve got to laugh, you know. The mind just becomes a comedian. Everything it says is just funny. You know I say ‘This commentator then becomes the free comedian in our heads’.

Q: Right, right. ‘I’m down on my hands and knees praying before my Maha Guru. Give me freedom! That’s all I want is freedom!’… ‘Oh wait, no wait, give me two hours’. [Laughter]. ‘No, no, wait, not now. Give me two hours, and then I’m good to go’.

Yes. ‘God will come. You know how God is, you know. Who can trust a client with God?’

Q: [Hysterical laughter]. Oh boy. What if I’m too happy for them? [Laughter].

[Laughter]. Yes. Then they’ll be a psychotherapist to you then.

Q: Oh boy. What if I’m too happy for the people around me?

Yes, yes, because they want you to be a sad sack. They don’t want you to be happy, or anything. Just be normal.

Q: Yeah. [Laughter]. Oh boy.

We laugh; we laugh at it like this, but this is one of the trump cards of the mind; trump cards of the mind. ‘How do I know…, how do I know that if I surrender, He will not make a big mess out of my life? Will I become a beggar on the streets, or will I just be in bed all day? My bills will go unpaid, my children will go uncared for’. One of the trump cards. And when we look at it like this, we say ‘This One that is running all of this…, this One cannot pay our bills or doesn’t know how to run our life?’

So can we at least find the one who has been running it so far? Who is that? Does it exist? Or has it only been an idea? It’s just been an idea, you see. That’s why I say surrender is not a doing. It is not a doing, surrender. Surrender is a realization that ‘I have always been surrendered’. And then ultimately the realization is that ‘There has been no separate ‘me’ in the first place, only God is’.

Q: Oh, it’s not a doing. Right, that’s right. It’s not a doing. It’s a non-doing,

It’s just the seeing that it’s always been happening on its own. Everything in my life has happened just as a projection of Consciousness, or you can say just by the will of God. Depending on your temperament, we can say any of this; but it means the same thing. ‘I have always been surrendered’. And then to see ‘There never has been a ‘me’ in the first place’.

Q: Somebody else has been running the show, all this time. [Laughter]. And I thought I was running the show.

This is the biggest joke, that ‘I can run the show’. I used to say, it’s like saying that ‘I can control the flow of the river, with a small twig in my hand’. This life is too immense for some idea to run it, for some belief to run it. And thank God that our life has not gone according to every plan that we’ve had.

Q: Yeah, thank you so much. [Laughter]. Thank you.

Namaste, everyone. Very warm welcome to satsang today. Satguru Moojiji ki Jai !

Yesterday this example came up in satsang that…, what if you suddenly start believing that you’re a Martian and you have to get to Earth? But you’re here. You just started believing that you are in another place, Mars. You said ‘I want to get to Earth’. If you encountered such a Being, what would you tell them? What would you say?

Q: ‘You’re already here’.

Ananta: ‘It doesn’t feel like I’m here, doesn’t feel like…’

Show me the Martin. Do we look like a Martian? Just show me the Martian and just check: Already, what is this place? Sounds exactly like satsang. ‘You’re already here. Just check what is here already. Who are you now? Are you really a Martian?’ These are the kind of things you will see.

So, satsang is not something esoteric or mystical or abstract. Just tackling the simple wrong belief that ‘I am a person’. It’s all that we do, over and over every day.

Q: “Can I say something?” [Inaudible]

It doesn’t matter what feelings come because it is only the Martian mind that comes and says ‘This feeling should not be here’. All feelings are allowed. As long as we rely on the report from the mind, even about the feelings, then it will seem like I’m stuck in this identity; it will feel like you’re stuck on the wrong planet. But it’s only an idea. Or a set of ideas. And where do these ideas come from? Only one voice is testifying to you being an individual entity. And this is the voice of the mind. No appearance is indicating a separation. Only after we label these appearances then everything seems to be separate.

Already it is One. Many will come and say ‘I’m not able to see this Oneness’. But actually if you’re not labeling, even right now, it IS all one. Just one appearance. Right here. If we don’t go with the mind-stream which is saying ‘This is this one, this is table, this is a person, this is  a person…’ then it’s all just one appearance.

And it is so clear that I Am this Witness of all these appearances; including the appearances within this body. There is only one Witness…, which is ultimately not a Witness at all; just the Witnessing Itself.

The person is not even an appearance. Second level of delusion, you see? It doesn’t even appear.  That’s why I say that it’s very simple. Until you find the existence of this person-entity (at least ‘til then) can you not believe in it…, ‘til you find some tangible evidence of the existence of this one?

Question is already there. There’s a question from Nancy [on chat]: “Will you ask Ananta”…

Q: “What are these thoughts that come up anyway?”

I call them energy constructs; basically bundles of energy which are coming up, which are appearing. Just like the rest of this appearance is just a form of energy all made up of Consciousness Itself. This particular form of energy which appears as if it is a voice; which is communicating, telling us who we are, what we should do next, and basically resisting everything which is appearing in this life; commenting about everything, objecting to most things and wanting to hold on to many things. This voice. So these are experienced as thoughts.

Q: [Then Nancy continues, she says]: “Who creates them?”

There is only one Creator of all appearances, and that is Consciousness Itself. Only in the light of Consciousness do all these appearances come. In deep sleep, there is no appearance; no thought.

Then you say: “Are they there because I identify with the form, and I have the ability to attach to my feelings and create thought?”

So if you say ‘I create thought’ then this ‘I’ you must be referring to yourself as cannot be the form, it must be this Consciousness Itself. And the fictional entity called the person, which we cannot even find here, that definitely cannot create anything at all. Therefore that which is here, Consciousness, Being, God…, that is the one Creator of all things, including thoughts.

And Consciousness also has some primal powers, like the powers of attention and belief. This power of belief is Consciousness’ power to pretend, God’s power to play as a person. And using the power of this belief, we identify.

That’s why I say the simplest way to be free from this is not to believe your next thought. Even if belief has gone to some previous thoughts, just don’t believe the next one.

Identity needs to be constantly replenished. The ego needs to be constantly reinforced…, which is reinforced through our belief.

Q: “When I say ‘I Am That’…, I neither find ‘I’ nor I find ‘That’. So, is it only an expression, the way of expressing; I Am That? Because there is neither That nor I. There is nothing.”

A: Let’s look at this together. This is a beautiful contemplation. So, like I like to say, the sense ‘I Am’ is a two-way portal, is a door which goes both ways. And we have been used to using it in the outward way. We have been attaching ideas to this ‘I Am’…, ‘I am this way, I am that way, I am good, I am bad, I am honest, I am lying’.

So this I-Am-ness…, we explored how using our power of belief, we attach false attributes to this I-Am-ness. Now what is happening in satsang is these attributes are being dropped away or dropped off or dissolving and just this sense is ‘Am-ness’, ‘I Am-ness’ remains; Beingness.

But like I said, we can also look at:

Who is the ‘I’ that is Being?

Who is the ‘I’ that is ‘Am’?

Whose Presence, whose Being is this I Am?’

And we also know that ‘Am’ goes away. ‘Am’ goes away. In deep sleep, there is no ‘Am’, there is just ‘I’. Now some would say there is no ‘I’ also, and we would say ‘I know there is no ‘I’ in sleep state, and I can talk to you about it for a long time’.

But this ‘I’ that knows there is no ‘I’, this Knowingness Itself, IS the ‘I’. You see?

So that which is knows there is nothing; there is no ‘I’…, there is no ‘That’ and there is no ‘I’, there is a Knowingness of this, isn’t it? It is not just a mental concept. It is not just a belief. There is a Seeing, there is a Knowing, there is an Awareness that there is no ‘I’ and there is no ‘That’. And this You know. Therefore, there must be Knowingness.

Why this is a bit confusing is because for most other things, we have a phenomenal manifestation of that to be able to say ‘Yes, this table is there, I see the table; this glass is there, I see the glass’. But for this ‘I’ that is ‘That’ you cannot see it in this way, phenomenally. Yet you know the existence, that ‘I exist’…. ‘I’. Even if you say that ‘I know there is no I’… already there is an ‘I’…, the Knowingness.

Q: [Calling Ananta Bhagavan] “Bhagavan, this knowingness is again a phenomenon. Because the Absolute…, if I close my eyes, there is no need to know either, and there is no knower, there is no knowing.”

A: So, that’s why I say, (I don’t know whether you heard me say this before but…),  there is a knowing…, the knowing which is a small ‘k’. ‘I know this, I know that, I don’t know anything’. That kind of knowing with a small ‘k’ is a conceptual knowing. So when you say you don’t need to know anything, or ‘When I close my eyes, there’s no need to know anything’ that means there is no concept of anything at all. You see, there’s no conceptual knowing.

But Who knows that there is no ‘knowing’? So, there is a deeper Knowing, which I call the capital ‘K’. There’s an Awareness that there is no conceptual knowing.

There’s an Awareness that there is no phenomenal perceiving; that not even ‘I Am’ is there. Sometimes we can say, like ‘I went to such a meditative state where not even the ‘I Am’ was there. So if ‘I Am’ is not there, no phenomena.

Forget about the mental knowing, conceptual knowing; any of that. But there’s Awareness that ‘I Am’ also wasn’t there, isn’t it? That is why you’re saying it. It is not something that you’re just imagining. It was your direct experience…, that even ‘I Am’ is not there. You see?

So, this Knowing that we speak about is not this conceptual or phenomenal knowing. It is this Awareness Itself which knows the presence or the absence of the mind, of the concepts.

Suppose you had never heard of Awareness, Consciousness, Beingness, God, I-Am-ness, Witnessing, person, ego; you didn’t know any of these? Many times I feel like it would be much better for all of us. No debates about Awareness, is it true or not, what does ‘Being’ mean, have I got to it?  If we didn’t know any Advaita jargon, it’s a big burden off. Because I see that many times these which were meant to be pointers are being collected as if they are the discovery; these terminologies, these words. And a certain sense of achievement, a false sense of self-discovery can come when we have this sense that ‘I know this now. I can talk about Awareness, I can talk about Consciousness’.

All of this, when it is manifesting in this way, from a sense of specialness, from a place of arrogance, is nothing but the spiritual ego. Sometimes on Facebook or on email I get pretend questions. ‘Pretend question’ means there’s not really a question there, there’s just some sort of a showing off of Advaita knowledge, you see. [Chuckles] ‘I have been contemplating the nature of Awareness and the difference between Awareness and Consciousness, and this is my conclusion about it’.

And it can be. We love contemplating these things. It’s okay. But sometimes you get a sense that it is the playing with these terminologies, the playing with these words, has become primary and that the direct checking, the direct experience of what we are, (which is simpler than any of these words), that again is not happening. So we’ve replaced one set of ideas, personal ideas, with a new set of personal ideas about spirituality or about Advaita. When you say ‘I got it right, you got it wrong; this is the way it must be’. All of this mental understanding can be kept aside. Not just ‘can be’ kept aside; must be kept aside. And then you will smell fresh and fragrant.

That’s why I said ‘if you never heard these words’…, is it a problem?’ I feel sometimes it’s better. Because then we’re not speaking from these places of mental, conceptual understanding.

So this is gone; suppose all the Advaita language is gone, then we say now don’t even pick up that earlier dictionary which was so personal that ‘This is how I am, this is my plan for my life, this is how the world is treating me’. If you don’t pick up any of that also…, ‘What should I do?…’ And we can trust only THIS moment; we can taste only THIS moment without the sense of past and future.

And many times it is just our terminology that keeps us stuck in all of these concepts. That’s why I feel it was very nice in the retreat when it came up like this that ‘Suppose there was a malfunction in the mind, and it started speaking some other language’. What would happen? Would we suffer from this? No. Because even to say ‘I am suffering’ you’d need this mind. Suppose it’s just speaking in a different language that you can’t understand, right now, whatever it is saying, in whatever language it is, suppose that you’re not understanding it. So what if it said ‘Huh?’ Can you suffer because of this? [Laughter] If you really say ‘Huh’ to everything that the mind is saying, you cannot suffer. You have to buy the conclusion, even the conclusion that ‘This is so crazy’ to suffer from that idea, you see? Without this voice of the interpreter, you cannot really find a way to suffer. Guruji also used to say that ‘After you’ve been in satsang for a while it becomes more and more impossible for us to suffer’. You have to work really hard; have to feed ourselves a good diet of thoughts every day to maintain our suffering.

So what would it be like if we refused to understand anything that the mind is saying? Would our life come to a stop? We’d lose our ability to make conclusions about ourselves. And most of our conclusions are very sad, actually. [Laughs] Even the conclusion that ‘I have found freedom’ is very sad. It means you were some mere mortal which was running about bound in chains…, (how could you be running about if you’re bound in chains?)…, [chuckles]…, and now, you’ve found some freedom. Not even this conclusion we can buy.

And every moment, we are buying some sort of conclusion. Even now, it could be saying ‘Yes, yes, it makes sense. It’s making so much sense’. And someone else could be saying ‘What is he talking about today? I’m just not feeling it’. Buy none of these conclusions. What is here before the conclusion?

What is here in spite of all of this? Is that changing? Why is it that we cannot truly say ‘I am not’? Not authentically; we can say it as a mental conclusion of some sort. Because there is something here that is experienced; your own Presence. This that is here, is it relying on any idea to sustain itself? Through all our stories, does it really matter to this Presence that is here? Don’t be afraid to be without a story. Don’t be afraid to become this nobody.

I’m not going to let you use Advaita to sustain this one that is false. Don’t know even this. Anything you understood mentally, don’t know it. Don’t refer to the mind for any of this. The truth is inescapable; it is here right now. You are That.

You Are That pretending to be not-That; pretending to want to get to That.

Either that, or You are That, pretending to be not-That, pretending to have got That’. [Chuckles]

So You are That pretending to be not-That and pretending to want to get That.

Or You are That pretending to be not-That, and pretending to have got That. [Laughter]

[Laughs] I can’t believe I made it this far…

So why can’t we stop the pretending itself? Suppose we took off the pretending itself?

Every time that we try to convince anyone else that ‘I got it’ it is only an attempt to convince yourself that you got it.

And I remember this sort of feeling used to be here, wanting to try and convince people. But now I find no joy in any of that. [Silence]

It’s so, so, so simple actually; just most naturally. You are here? Or not?

You are here, no?

As what are you here? As what are you here?

What are the options? Okay, let’s go through…, let’s make this multiple choice so it’s easier.

Are you here as a person?

Can’t be, because every day almost I ask you ‘Show me the person’ and you don’t find; then you cannot be here as a person.

Are you here as Presence?

(I must be a scary teacher. [Chuckles] Give me an F- or something)

What else is here besides the Presence?

You say ‘I am here’. That itself describes it completely; that I Am is here. [Smiles]

Okay, we just had more Advaita jargon, and Radha is already like ‘there we go again’. [Puts his forehead into his hand and sighs, then chuckles]

Who is here? Body is here. We can say like that. Whose body is here? Are you the body?

If you truly believed that you are just the body then you would not come here, because there’s nothing for the body here. Simple. If you just believed that you are the body, then you would not be here. Because we are not here for freedom for the body. There must already be the sense that ‘I am not this that is made up of all the food and liquids that I have consumed’. Already the sense is there that I cannot just be made up of the food I’ve eaten. But actually if it was just that, then life would be very simple. Then no running after freedom, no running after money, no running after relationship, no running after health of the body also. But there must already be a sense that ‘I am something else other than the body’. Who is this one?

Then what do we do? We check for that one which our name refers to. Where is this Ananta? Where is he? Not body; where is this one? If the label was just a name for the body then you would never say ‘These goals and ambitions…, I want to get freedom’. So this name belongs to who, actually? Is there any evidence of the existence of this one which is called by the name?

So at least can we make a deal today where we say ‘Until we find any evidence of the existence of this entity which is being called by my name, tile I find one shred of evidence of it, til then I will not believe in the existence of it’? This much is a fair deal. What are we saying? We are saying ‘Until you find this entity, til then, don’t believe in it’. Until we find the Loch Ness Monster, let’s not believe in it. If one day it comes that it is there, then we’ll believe it. Isn’t that the scientific way, the logical way?

So if body is kept aside, this entity cannot be found, so that is kept aside, … but by keeping the entity aside, did I stop Being? Did I stop existing? Still here?

All concepts of myself have been kept aside and yet, I still remain. Yes or no? So we see that that which I Am is not a conceptual, made-up, believed-in entity. And this I Am-ness that remains needs no concept to just be.

So very safely, at least in satsang, we can keep all these concepts aside. And then it becomes a true exploration when we are looking together, instead of trying to ‘understand, understand’. It’s not a classroom in that way.

We kept all concepts aside, we kept all body sensations aside, and we said ‘I still remain. I exist. I Am’.

[Asking sangha]: Who’s not with me? Are you with me? [Heads nod]

Now is there anything personal about this Presence? There’s Being that is here. What’s personal about it? Does it have a plan for the future? Is it regretting something from the past? Does it have any pride about anything? Is it attached to something? Is it avoiding anything? Or is it just Being?

Are you not just Being right now? Effortlessly?

Are you working towards Being?

Or are you just Being?

[Silence]

The entire so-called spiritual journey is encapsulated in what we have together explored today.

Coming to this discovery that Beingness is just here, and it is What I Am.

Just Being. Everything else is just a concept.

[Silence]

The best news, the best news ever, is there is nothing that can appear …, nothing you can do…, nothing that can happen that can have any effect, any impact on this Being that you most naturally are.

Nothing has ever happened to You.

Being is always just Being.

And yet it has the power to pretend, as if ‘something is happening to me’.

This is the power of belief.

[Silence]

Now which temple, which church, which mosque do I need to go to find this God which is always just here? Which sadhana, programs, kriyas, penance should I do? At best what they can do is open my eyes to That which is just Here.

[Silence]

How many steps do I need to take to come to This that I already Am?

[Silence]

How much time does it need to find the Now?

[Silence]

Am I unaware of my existence? Do I not know that I Am?

[Silence]

At what distance is this knowingness from Me?

Where am I in relation to This Knowing, This Awareness?

… which is aware even of My own existence, of My own Being?

[Silence]

Who had to tell me that I exist? That I knew it?

Is it not naturally known?

[Silence]

How do I know that I am Aware?

[Silence]

Is this Knowingness separate from the Awareness?
Are there two?

Is there a Knowingness and an Awareness?

[Silence]

Here…, what story can you have?

What can happen to You?

[Silence]

Is there some proclamation needed now… from here?
Is there a report card of failure required now?
Don’t be in a rush to go back to concepts.

[Silence]

Let’s meet Here, as One.

[Silence]

And any idea you pick up now is an invitation to separation.

[Silence]

Don’t accept this invitation.

[Silence]

Here there is no want, there is no lack.

[Long Silence] [Blissful, loving peaceful gaze]

Can this really end?
Does it have a beginning?

[Silence]

Can any concept, any word, get close to this?

Is it possible to lose YourSelf in this play?

[Silence]

I know that the mind is calling with whatever strength it an muster. But can it really pull You away?

[Silence]

Are you going to send the mind an invitation to this party we are having? [Smiles] Because Here, two is a crowd.

[Silence]

Are you going to represent what it is saying now as YourSelf?

What trickery! What trickery it must be. The Divine trick, the maya…, that just this measly voice can appear and You, the Supreme Lord, pretends to wear this mask, and represent YourSelf with this voice.

[Silence]

How are you going to play now?
And I’m open to all your play. Just don’t expect me to believe it’s real.

[Silence]

Because this dis-service I cannot do…, I cannot believe that You are something other than I Am.

The real question is: What are You going to believe?

So what if the response that came from here…, the first response to all questions that came from here was: Who are You pretending to be right now?

Would that be okay? [Smiles] I feel very few questions would come up actually. [Laughs]

Sometimes I really feel that I have said all I have to say now, in this life. [Smiles] But life always surprises me.

What if we just had it like this; the questioner would introduce themselves, saying ‘Right now, I’m believing myself to be… This.’ And that in itself would be the answer actually. Are you going to present yourself as one who has still not got it? Or as one who has definitely ‘got it’. Are you going to pretend and say ‘Yes, yes, yes, I know all that you’re saying is true, but I still feel…., I don’t feel the bliss, I don’t feel the joy’. But I didn’t say a single thing about bliss or joy. And the worst is “I follow everything you’re saying, but you know, my mind…, my mind is still saying this; so what should I do now with the mind?’

You cannot fix the mind; you cannot change your mind. You cannot change your mind, I cannot purify your mind, I cannot give you a certain type of thoughts. But I do feel, if you follow what is spoken, then you will not believe these thoughts; you will not find a sense of truth in them, you will not find meaning in them.

If there’s a sense of confusion, that means that there is a sense of mis-identification. You’ve identified yourself to be something that doesn’t exist; and that is bound to be confusing. What you ultimately saying is that ‘I believe that I’m an alien, and now I must have a happy life…, I must have a happy life as an alien’. The premise itself is wrong, you see. The premise of a ‘person’ looking for a happy life itself is wrong. Actually what you’re saying is that ‘I am a Martian, help me get to Earth’. So how do I unravel it for you? It’s actually like this. It’s very precise. ‘I’m a person. Help me get free.’ is exactly like saying ‘I’m a Martian, help me get to Earth’.

And I say ‘But you ARE free’.

‘But it doesn’t feel like I’m on Earth’. [Laughs] ‘My mind is telling me I’m still on Mars. What do I do then?’

I say ‘Look, Look. Look at what is here now. Don’t go with the mind. Don’t go with your feelings’.

‘Oh, but, you know, on Earth, I know I would feel joy’.

I’m saying ‘It’s not true’.

‘What to do with this Martian mind; what to do?’

I say ‘Nothing. Forget about it’.

‘Can’t you change it for me?’

I say ‘No’.

So how to help this Martian get to Earth? We can only work on the belief that you are a Martian, isn’t it?

That’s why in Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi]’s question: Who am I? … is ‘Am I a person?’ And then there is the looking for the truth of what I really Am. Are we open to this question?

And I say ‘Let’s look for the Martian together’. And you say ‘I can’t find’.

When we look for the person together, we can’t find it. So all that is needed is to not listen to the Martian voice.

[silence]

Seems crazy, no? [Laughs] But actually it’s a very fair representation of this spiritual search; helping the non-existent Martian get to Earth.

So, which voice are you going to speak? Martian?

[Laughs]

Q: I suffer from mood disorder and my mind is never calm. Would this deter me from realizing my true nature?

Your true nature is here right now. Before the mood can have a disorder or change moods, or the mind can come and tell you about something, you are already here. Something can be a deterrent only if you had to get somewhere. You see? But because you are already here, you are already the Truth, nothing can deter you.

Before all of this, before the mood comes, the layer called moods, before the thoughts, before emotions, before the body, You Are. Therefore, it is your mood, your body, your thoughts, your emotions. This ‘I’ is already here, and is already true.

This is the truth which cannot be deterred. Therefore the self-inquiry can work irrespective of what the circumstances of life are, what emotional states are going on. As long as there is an urge to find the truth, then nothing can deter you from seeing what you are right now.

Because You Are It already.

You know what happens very often is we might feel like we’re at the end of the spiritual journey (something like this), and yet it’s still about ‘me’. The subtlety is still about ‘me’. And that’s why I say that the seeker identity always wants to end with the ‘enlightened person identity’. And as much as we like repeating (especially in Advaita) that ‘I am no-thing, I am nothing, (whatever), it is still the ‘I’. It is still the personal ‘I’ which manages to find a way to stick around. And this is what you must inquire into.

Is this still about finding something for the identity? Is there still a hope that one day the Self that I discover will be somehow related to this identity that I have carried around?

This inquiry is very important. What is all of this for? What is this for? Is there an expectation that something must happen here? Is there still some looking for spiritual experiences? Who is all of this about? Is there a ‘you’ that wants to take a hold of this Awareness and say ‘I found the Awareness. I am very clear about the Awareness. I am very clear about the Self’? And as long as this ‘I’ is still personal, if you still lean towards this desire, this belief in the existence of an individual, then at best it is the spiritual ego and not the Self which is saying ‘I found the Awareness’.

But don’t get me wrong. I don’t want anyone to become like the Advaita police or something, running around telling everyone ‘Who is the I? Who are you? Who wants lunch?’ [Laughs] It’s not like that. Conversationally, we can still use these words. But are we still believing ourself to be that which never existed?

If it is clear that no person exists right now; in this moment when you check for this one you find that ‘I find no person’, then how could it ever have existed…, except as an idea? Therefore it is all about the right now, you see? Because the first part is to check…, into the existence or to verify the non-existence of this personal entity right now.

Let’s really do it. And if any of you feels that you found it, then don’t hide. Say ‘This is what it looks like’. Let’s look at it together. Because the mind will say ‘It still feels like there is a person here’. But the feeling is not a person. The feeling is just a feeling; it’s a sensation. Or you might say ‘Oh, my mind is still saying there might be a person’. But that’s another thought, it is not a person. Right here, right now, no person exists.

Everyone with me? No person exists? [Checking around the room for yes nods or no’s].

Q: “Right now?”

A: At this moment.

Q: “I can’t find it.”

Yes. Yes. So it is clear at least that ‘I am not it’. If you don’t know the hiding place of something, then you can definitely not be it. The person is only the identity that I have given myself. So the minute you say ‘I can’t find it’…, already proves that you are not it. You see, the ‘person’ implies that ‘I am an entity’. That makes a person. Can we find this entity that I am presuming myself to be? See? So already when you say ‘I can’t find it’…, you cannot be it. If you can’t even find it, how can you be it? … If you can’t even find it, how can you be it? And already you say ‘I can’t find it’. Therefore, there must be an ‘I’ which is not it.

Sometimes it is said ‘If you can’t convince them, confuse them’. [Laughs] That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m just simply looking and saying ‘I cannot find the existence of this entity called the person. Therefore, the person cannot be what I am. Therefore, the ego or this identity is not me. And it relies only on the sense that it IS me. Therefore, it doesn’t exist’.

If the ego does not have the sense that it is me, then it is not the ego anymore. Ego relies on the sense that it is me. So the minute you say ‘I can’t find it’ already the identity is not there.

Okay, very good. So if this one you cannot find, if this one is not here, then with it must go all concepts of personal problems, personal desires and other person-related stuff.

If the person is not there, then all that the person wants and is adverse to…, likes and dislikes, plans about life and visions and goals, regrets and fears, pride and guilt…, all this must go. Because who can they belong to? All these are personal, you see?

Around one lie it is said that you are to keep a hundred lies to keep the one lie alive. You see? Around the lie of a personal existence we have reinforced this one main lie with so many other lies about what we want, what we don’t want, the way my life should go or not go; all these ideas.

So, you say ‘Right now, I cannot find the person’. Therefore, at least, until we find this person, can we keep all that the person wants aside…, or not? I’m not even saying forever. At least til we find this person, can we keep all that the person wants aside…, or not?

Q: [Inaudible]

Yes. That is the next step. We’ll walk together. So, at least til here, we’re together. As long as we don’t find this entity called ‘the person’ let’s keep all that is personal aside. And what does that mean? Because you should have asked ‘How do I do this? How do I keep all that is personal aside?’

I said, very simply, ‘Let’s keep all that is personal aside’. I’ll give you the simplest way. Right here, right now, there is no person. So how does something that is personal come up? How is it bought? Because the ‘person’ has a messenger, you see? It’s the sublingual stuff that the person wants. This messenger is the mind. Without believing what the mind is saying, we cannot pick up any personal concept about yourself. It’s as simple as that.

Without believing what the mind is saying, we cannot do it. Therefore, to keep all that is personal aside, all that is needed is for us not to believe our thoughts.

And then a thought itself will come and say ‘But that is too much. How can I not believe my thought? There’s so many, so many. They come all the time’.

So, that’s why I say ‘Okay, to keep it aside right now, just don’t believe your NEXT thought’. Next, we can do?

Even if it feels like effort. Don’t ‘Advaita’ this too quickly…, because very quickly it will come and say ‘Oh, he just said there’s no person here; who is there to do all of this?’  I’ll demystify that for you. But for now, just know that even if it feels like work, even if it feels like a choice, if it feels like effort, then make the effort to not believe your next thought.

And the thought itself will come and say ‘Easier said than done. How am I supposed to live?’ All these are thoughts! And most of you will be able to just let most of them go.

Not believing a thought does not mean that we are somehow resisting them. It only means that we are completely open, allowing them to come and go without giving them a ‘paying guest’ room. [Smiles] Don’t pay them your belief.

Q: [Inaudible]

That’s also a thought, or no?

Q: Yes.

Okay, so don’t believe this one.

Q: [Inaudible]

Exactly. Exactly. So, in the process of disbelieving, it dissolves. Why? Because it is made up only of beliefs. Therefore, that which is made up itself of beliefs cannot be the One who has the power of belief. If the power of belief is playing out in this realm, then there cannot be the non-existent basket of beliefs which is giving belief to something. It is just a basket of beliefs, just a basket of ideas. Can a basket of ideas give belief to something? Can it go to the shopping place and add some more to the basket? No.

So, what is that? What is that?

So this is the second step.

So, first we found that no person exists. But that which gives belief must be here. If it is possible to give belief or to withdraw belief, then that which gives belief or withdraws belief must be here. We already said that ‘No person I can find’. And yet, I Am. I exist.

So this ‘I’ that exists is which One?

Who lost me? I can rewind and go slow. [No one answers]. So we seem to be together on this.

We found first that no entity called a ‘person’ is here. Second we found that that which convinces me of my personal existence is only my next thought. And we said that the way to not buy this personal idea is not to believe the next thought.

So the next question I was expecting comes from Lucia. She says “What if the belief has a strong momentum and goes out of control?”

What does this mean? It means that it feels like when the thought comes, it just has so much moment that the belief just goes [there]. So, for these kind of thoughts, (I call these the ‘trump card thoughts’), the ones that have been nourished with so much past belief that there is interest about them…, for these kind of thoughts, we must pull them into our inquiry.

Just like the popular seeker thought is ‘I’m almost free’ or ‘I’m not there yet’. When this thought comes, we can pull it into our inquiry and say:

Who is not free yet? Can we find such a one who is bound?

And I’ve been saying recently that we must do this with full integrity, and really look: ‘Who is the one that is not free?’ …, until it becomes a laughable idea. And once it becomes a laughable idea, then you see that belief doesn’t seem to have the same kind of magnetism or momentum, and even these thoughts will come and go.

Just this… is the end of suffering. You cannot suffer without believing a thought.

And the good news is: It’s never about what you believed in the past; even a second ago. It’s only the next one. Because in every moment, you start fresh.

You are the Self right now.

Q: I just want to clarify fully before I leave. So now when I was sitting in silence this was the question; something was coming up this way so I just wanted to kind of go through with you. So let’s say I am laying down and I am aware of my thoughts and all the feelings and I am not believing into anything. For example, what comes is ‘Let’s have a drink, like having water’. I believe into it and I go for it. So is it bad? Because we were talking about we shouldn’t believe in our next thought.

Ananta: The presumption is that it is my belief in my thought which leads to a particular action. But what you will find is both that the action is as much of an appearance as the thought was. Many times you will have the thought ‘I want to get a drink of water’ and you believe it, yet the body is not moving and the drink of water is not happening. You see? So if it is purely controlled by this belief in thought, your action, then it will just be like this. All of us will go to work like Superman, get everything done because all of our thoughts are always the best, you see. Many times we have this thought the other way, where we say we go to work and Today I am just going to tell my boss I hate you, I quit’.  But we show up at work and say ‘Yes sir, what can I do for you?’ So the thought is an appearance, an energy construct which is appearing, and the action is also an appearance, an energy construct which is appearing. That’s why Guruji says ‘You are neither the thinker of thoughts nor the doer of actions’. So what happens is just because this thought precedes the action, we feel that it is because of my belief in the thought that the action happened, and yet all these actions are happening. My hand is moving like this, you see, without any thought about it. There was no thought that I will move my hand this way or that way. There is no thought that I will speak these words. It is just happening spontaneously.

Q: Yes, there is one more question connected to this one because let’s say I answer that okay, sometimes I believe, sometimes I don’t. Then who believes it? Because Consciousness cannot believe into anything. So then this comes; it must be another thought. So let’s say, yeah sometimes actions appear by themselves unconsciously, so like moving the hand, I wasn’t thinking about moving it.

A: Exactly.

Q: But, let’s say when I am sitting in silence and thoughts are coming, just coming, coming and letting go, peaceful and very nice and aware of the peacefulness and everything, it’s nice. And then negative thoughts are coming, too; letting go of past, like memories, you know. Now it’s automatically; you just don’t get it. But then, let’s say, maybe you should plan to book a taxi for tomorrow and then you can let go, yes; and then I can let it go, this way, or I can engage into it and it won’t trouble me. Yeah?

A: So your first part of the question was ‘Who is the one that believes a thought because Consciousness cannot do it’. That’s what you say. I say, only Consciousness is here therefore only Consciousness can do it. That’s why I say that the powers of attention and belief only belong to Consciousness. There is nobody else here, you see. We didn’t find this one; we looked for so many days. So it is only Consciousness that has the power of belief. A thought has no power of belief. A thought cannot believe another thought. A thought is just come and gone. It is not around actually to believe the next thought, it is already gone. So it is only…, in deep sleep state no question of belief, isn’t it? There is no Consciousness there, so no question of belief. It is when this dynamic aspect is born, called Being or Consciousness, then it has all of these powers of attention, belief, identity and all these phenomenal powers.

Q: But let’s say I believe into a thought and then I can see that I believed into it as well. So, this is….,  I see the Consciousness believing into a thought.

A: Yes, because this is the only ‘I’ there is here, in this way. When you say ‘I believe my thought’ which ‘I’ are you referring to? This ‘I’ that is Being; not the Awareness of this Being, the Being itself.

Q: Okay, and then when I believe the negative thought, how can Consciousness be in trouble then?

A: It’s never really in trouble. That’s why I say it is only pretending. The power of belief is God’s ability to pretend to be a person. It’s a big pretense. That’s why in India, it’s called a Leela, which means a play. You see, it’s just a play. It’s God’s play. To give this play more juice, it gave itself the power of this belief. Just like this…,  Okay, so I take this example often, but maybe you have not heard it. We put on a computer game. And then it starts, but you are not believing anything, you are not that character, there is no story that you are engaged in, you have no fun. You must find a relate-able character, you must want to kill the enemies of that character, you must achieve a mission, you see. So you have to believe yourself to be that James Bond or whatever character, and then the game seems enjoyable. You will read a book. If none of the characters are relate-able, you don’t feel you connect with any of them, is the book enjoyable? No. The same for a movie. You go to a movie and you cannot relate to the protagonist, it’s a boring movie. Like this, so the power of belief is our power to give meaning to something which is just an appearance. But in reality, what happened to God? Nothing. It is only pretending. So the game of delusion and freedom from this delusion, is all one big pretense, you see.

Q: Yes. So now, for example, when the thought comes that ‘Okay, let’s have some watermelon’…, going back to the same example, I go into it. So there is no trouble in believing it, right?

A: Yes, so you find that most practical thoughts do not cause these kind of identity-related trouble.

Q: So because in this…, ‘Oh no, I cannot believe, I’m not going to go there, I’m not going to do it, okay, I’m just going to stay here’.., then worrying feeling comes, and then it’s more irritating than if I would follow any of those.

A: Yes, but the thing, even with practical thoughts, is that sometimes, they cause us to maintain this belief that I am the doer. You see? So you will find that this false entity that doesn’t exist cannot be the doer of anything. That which doesn’t exist cannot do anything, isn’t it? That’s all I am saying. So, if the person doesn’t exist, therefore this thought is talking to who? You see, this advice that ‘You must get a watermelon or drink a glass of water’…, is for who? You say, ‘The person doesn’t exist, we looked and looked and looked, we don’t find’.

Then, the second alternative is that God himself, who is the creator and projector of all of this, needs to rely on these practical thoughts to run this life. This is very strange because it is the creator of the thought itself. Then, if it is the creator of the thought itself, why it needs to believe it to do that? So therefore you will find that, as you let go of all of these thoughts, you will find that actions continue to happen. The fear comes that ‘I will become like a vegetable, sitting on my bed. I won’t move at all’. But you find that actions move on their own; you find it, you see?  But not under the dominance of thoughts. Therefore, that’s why I say, the key to this conversation always is: Who is the thought advising? Is it advising a person or is it advising God. Now person, we didn’t find.

Q: So, there must be a person before even the thought comes…, or it’s not possible?

A: There is never a person. But to play this game personally, this game of thought, appearance and belief in thought is happening; to have some juice in this Leela. Because actually it is quite a ludicrous idea, that the One that is creating the thought, then needs to listen to the thought, to be able to run this practical life. You see? So Guruji takes this example of the tree. It doesn’t need to think about where to grow the next branch and the next leaf. That it all happens in a beautiful symmetry.

Q: It seems like somethings happen by themself, like it seems like sometimes I have an option.

A: Who, who I?

Q: It seems like option comes. I am able to say yes or no.

A: Yes, but whose options are these? Options for who? That’s always the root question.

Because as long as there is the sense that there is a person and there is God, there is me and there is Consciousness, then this debate of freewill versus God’s Will, will continue. Now the best way to end this debate is to see that there is no person. So whose freewill are we talking about? You see?

So the options that I am saying is that: Okay thoughts are coming. Now tell me the options for who should believe this thought? One is Consciousness, what is the second option?

Q: No option.

A: No other option, you see. So how could it be that That which is the projector of the thought itself, needs to believe a thought to run this life?

Q: Doesn’t need to. Just seems like but, it’s like an option now; you have a choice to have watermelon or not.

A: Yes, so if God wants to experience a watermelon, God will experience a watermelon. Whether the thought came or not, whether belief went or not.

As long as it is clear for you that [Inaudible]…

Q: Yes, no matter what happens after, if I am going to do it or not, they are both seen. So I was thinking another thought is saying, yes or no.

A: When you find that there is no individual doer, then all these questions just dissolve. Because they all rely on an identity and doership is one of the strongest legs of the ego, in fact, maybe the strongest. Because very often, even when someone has a direct recognition of what they are, they come up and ask, ‘So what should I do now?’ You see?

So you can play with this actually and see whether in the not believing of thoughts, whether your life comes to a standstill, or you become very irresponsible or something like this. My feeling is neither of them will happen.

Q: In tears…

Ananta: Happy tears or what? [Smiles]

Q: “I was reflecting on the nature of the Guru. It took me a while to know the immensity of you, to know the immensity of a Guru. You know how long it took, this separation in the arrogance. Only grace, only grace can open the eyes. We are so blinded by arrogance, so blinded. Every move we try to question the Guru, not knowing that Guru is the Source, the Ocean, mercy, compassion. So easy to melt, disappear because any suppression is arrogance. One can never know the Ocean unless you disappear. It is now. There is no, there is no…, I mean you have to be nothing like the … [inaudible].  I am ready to die, yet that death is so beautiful, auspicious. If I can say to all my brothers and sisters, I say disappear, keep no identity. Easiest way, easiest way, trust the Guru. To be at the feet of the Guru is to be on top of the world. Never question the Guru. If you are ready. Otherwise move away, because if we are not, they are not there. Don’t ever question the Guru’s actions. I was grieving yesterday.”

~ ~ ~

From Silent Retreat in Tiru – 30th March 2016 morning

Namaste everyone. Very warm welcome to this final day of this silent intensive.

Satguru Moojiji ki Jai !

If there’s this sense that I still want freedom; if there still remains this sense that ‘I still want freedom’ then sometimes it’s a good idea to give freedom. What do I mean by this? We want freedom but we are unwilling to give it to the outer word; the seeming outer world. If we can allow all appearances to appear just as they are…

Everything which is appearing in our sensory perception, can we allow it to just be as it is? Can we give this freedom to the world? Can we give this freedom to our relationships? Can we give this freedom to our life circumstances? Can we give this freedom to our seeming-inner world of thoughts; allowing all thoughts to come and go, not resisting any of them? Can we give this freedom to our emotions; not interpreting and judging them, not resisting them, not saying ‘This should come, this should not come’?

If you can just allow all of this. Can we give this freedom to our attention, to allow it to move about naturally? Can we give this freedom to our actions which are naturally arising as appearances within the same Consciousness; instead of picking up guilt and remorse and pride?

So, as long as there is a sense that there is an ‘I’ that wants freedom, let this ‘I’ give freedom. And then in this allowing non-resistance, you will find that this ‘I’ never existed in the first place. There never was this doer. There never was this experiencer. There never was one who could get freedom. And there never was one who could give it.

This simple allowing, this simple non-resisting space, is our most natural state, which allows even all states to come and go; the back ground of all of this movement…, unchanging.

Letting go of all sense of control. And letting go of the sense of evaluation and judgment.

In this moment, you are free. Unless you decide to resist. And even then you are free, actually. But you can pretend to be bound.

May this openness be your natural, direct experience. And may this be the gift that you carry from the beautiful time that we have spent together.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

~ ~ ~

.

.

.

From Silent Retreat in Tiruvannamalai – 30th March 2016Moring

Let the mind is settling in for many of you.
It’s not feeling like so much of a prison now, the silence.
It’s more natural.

[Silent Sitting]

Don’t resist whatever might be appearing.
Allow everything to appear.
[Silence]

Allow yourself to experience fully whatever sound,
whatever the senses might be bringing to you.
Don’t resist anything.
[Silence]

Don’t push anything away. All sounds are welcome.
[Silence]

Observe where sounds are being experienced,
where this voice is being experienced.
Is it experienced outside you? Or is it inside you?
[Silence]

Now, let’s bring our attention to the body,
and welcome any sensation that might be there;
even that of pain.
[Silence]

Taste whatever experience the body is bringing to you
with a sense of complete openness.
[Silence]

Allow all sensations to appear.
Taste this experience with no resistance, no judgment.
[Silence]

Find out whether the sensations of the body
are experienced in the same space
as the sounds were being experienced earlier.
[Silence]

Find out if the body is being experienced inside you?
Or outside you?
[Silence]

Let’s bring our attention to our thoughts
and whatever they might be saying.
All thoughts are welcome.
[Silence]

Just observe how thoughts are interpreting What Is.
[Silence]

Observe what thoughts appear like.
What are thoughts? How do you see them?
And allow all of them to come.
[Silence]

Let’s bring our attention to our space of feelings.
Observe whatever feeling might be there.
Even the sense if there is no feeling, stay with that space.
[Silence]

Don’t push anything aside.
If it is fear, let it be. If it is joy, let it be.
All emotions and feelings are allowed.
[Silence]

Taste whatever feeling is appearing for you now.
Even if it feels a little uncomfortable at first, just stay with it;
honor it.
[Silence]

Welcome all feelings with open arms.
[Silence]

Now just observe that there is a sense that
‘I Am Here. I exist. I Am.’
Independent of the thought ‘I Am’…, You Are.
[Silence]

This Presence is your Being.
[Silence]

Observe that you are aware of your Presence,
of your existence,
of your Being.
You know: Being is Here.
You know: I Am.
[Silence]

Don’t try to get this. No mind can get this.
It just simply IS.
[Silence]

From this moment, you are This Awareness.
In every moment, you are This Awareness.
[Silence]

You cannot be bound.
[Silence]

No concept of Freedom applies to You.
[Silence]

You are the eternal Witness of all appearances.
And yet you remain untouched by any appearance.
[Silence]

You Are This !
You cannot become anything else.
[Silence]

And in knowing this, now you rest.
[Silence]

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti
[Namaste]

 
~ ~ ~
.
.
From morning satsang of 15th October 2015
Silent Retreat with Ananta in Tiruvannamalai.

Actually freedom is a lot simpler than any mind can imagine. It’s a lot simpler than that. A lot of the ideas we might still have about freedom, it is even simpler than that. We don’t have to feel anything, we don’t have to think anything, we don’t have to believe anything, we don’t have to practice anything, we don’t have to go anywhere. And also in doing any of these, it makes no difference; it makes no difference to freedom. It’s prior to any of this. Before you can do anything to be free, you are free. Even in the pretend bondage of personhood, you are free.

And the mind will come and say ‘Then, what? This doesn’t help me. What am I supposed to do? I want to be free’. This is the pretend-game that I am talking about.

You are already that which the mind is saying that you must get to. What is the starting point of where you are, what you are? We’ll look at that. Before we start the walk, the destination is different from the different from the starting point; do we know this?

‘I’m going towards freedom’.

From where?

You cannot get out of your freedom.

Then you say ‘But I don’t feel free’.

Who is the ‘I’ who feels?

‘I still don’t think I’m free?’

Who knows of thoughts?

How is this one bound?

It’s just some sort of a hypnosis, that we have believed ourselves to be that which never existed. But when we look, we look, we look; we don’t find. And yet we want to give freedom to that one which we cannot find. Who can do this? [Chuckles]

Nobody has ever been able to achieve this. It’s only…, when they proclaim that this has happened, then it is only part of the delusion itself. And a fairly nasty part of the delusion. When the pretend person is pretending to be free person, it is as much of a delusion as the pretend person itself. Nobody; no way that you can ever make this non-existent one free. Isn’t it? When I’m saying it, it seems like the most obvious thing. Why does it even need to be said? And yet, this is what this whole seeming-journey is about.

So all that is actually happening in satsang, which is all part of the play, (which actually this makes no difference to the player, but as part of the play), is it is now dropping all of this identity; it is dropping this pretend person. So, every day, that’s all we’ve been doing; just going ‘hammer and thongs’ at this identity which we cannot find.

But the voice of the identity…, this is the magic trick. If there is a trick, it is only this…, that there seems to be a voice which is proclaiming the separate one. And this one will protest strongly. This one is there on protest:  ‘But I don’t see it’. The voice inside saying ‘Oh, I don’t feel it. You are different than I am still. Why can’t I be more like you?’ This kind of thing can come. Who is saying it?

They never tell you in a video game also; sometimes they do, but mostly they don’t tell you who the narrator is. [Smiles]

Whose mouth is speaking those words which we are hearing as thought?

We’re perceiving thought, but who is speaking those words?

Whose mouth are they coming from?

It’s tricky initially because we’ve had this voice seemingly forever. The experts say that it starts at 2, 2-1/2 years, when the body is 2-1/2 years old. And it’s not going anywhere.

So can we at least experiment and see if we can, at least for a day or two [check]: What happens if I don’t believe this voice?

The voice is saying ‘Oh, it’s going to mess up my life. I’m just going to not do anything. I’ve been doing so well otherwise’.., with the voice ‘that even for a day or two, I can’t leave it’. ‘Isn’t that the one or two days I was planning to move the…’ [Laughs]

That’s all I say. Just see what happens. [Silence]

Who is speaking the words of thought?

And who is hearing the words of thought?

Some of you say ‘I need my thought’. If it is your thought, you should already know what it is going to say. If it is coming from you, then why do you need thought to understand what it is saying?

And now, in the last few years, we’ve seen all the tricks that the mind can play to pretend to be you.

Who are you without your thoughts?

What is here prior to thought?

Who says ‘There is thought and there is no thought?’

Who are you without any appearance?

Let thought say whatever it wants.

Let feelings be whatever they want.

Who are they affecting?

And how?

And as you start to look, you will see that nothing is ever affected, no matter which feeling or thought comes. Nothing is ever really hurt. Nothing is even concerned. And we’re not saying anything metaphysical, esoteric, even spiritual; we’re just saying what is here now. Don’t even need to label it as spirituality, Advaita. It’s just a group of friends who are here and looking at what is going on.

And as we look more and more like this, you will find that it is laughable that ‘I believed myself to be that which I just cannot find now; and every time I look, I don’t find. Therefore could it be that it never existed?’

Never existed. This person, identity was never real.

Now, see for yourself what you are going to present yourself to be. Who are you going to be reporting as? And see how that whole process works.

From this moment, you are nothing. No-thing. Let’s see what we present ourselves to be; and how does that happen?

This is the power of the Truth. It is always true, in every moment.

I know already that the Grace that brought you here is working in its own beautiful way to bring the clearest recognition of yourself to you.

My blessing is that may none of you leave here as ‘person’.

May you only leave as Presence.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I love you all so very much.

Let’s chant OM together to break the silence.

The truest silence is not the absence of words. It is the absence of egoic identity.

And may this silence for you continue, irrespective of the presence or absence of words.

Arunachala Shiva ki Jai !

Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi ki Jai !

Satguru Sri Papaji ki Jai !

Satguru Sri Moojiji ki Jai !

[Sangha]: Anantaji ki Jai!

Sangha ki Jai!

~ ~ ~

.

.

From Silent Retreat in Tiruvannamalai – 30th March Afternoon

Questioner: I thought I would explore this ‘I Am-ness’ with you. There still seems to be some attachment to the ‘I’ thought.

The ‘I’ thought. How does it work the ‘I’ thought?

Q: Or let’s say to the body; more concrete.

How does it play itself, attachment to the body? How does it play itself?

Q: It feels like as if I am still in the body or I have a body.

Oh! The sense that ‘I exist in the body’. Is it like that? Actually what I say is something radical and contrary to what most other sages have said. Most other sages have said that ‘I am the body’ idea is the cause of all suffering. But when I look at it, the ‘I am the body’ idea does not cause too much suffering.

It is the ‘I am the person’ idea, the person who owns the body, the person who has relationships, the person who wants to make money, the person who wants freedom is the cause of suffering. And I have to only speak of what I see, irrespective of if Bhagavan also may have said it, honestly.

So I see that actually if I only believe that I am the body, then there is not so much trouble actually. Because sometimes it can have pain, sometimes it needs some attention, but not so much trouble. It is when I pick up the identity of the owner of the body ‘that whose body this is’…, if I pick up an identity of the owner of my relationships, the owner of my security, bank account, money and job and the owner of my Freedom, this ‘person’ idea, that is what the cause of suffering is.

So I have not found that the ‘I am the body’ idea is so much trouble. Actually it’s quiet innocent. I say that many times if you go the Indian villages they just have this contentment, because they just feel that they are this body. It is very simple, their task is to find food for the day. They live a very hand to mouth existence and yet they smile more than most. So, I don’t find ‘I am the body’ idea is so much trouble.

I feel that the ‘I am the person, I am the ego, I am a separate entity’ idea, which relies on this shape of the body, the appearance of the body for confirmation…, that much we can say; this ‘I am the person’ idea relies on this body for confirmation of separate existence…, that we can say. But just the feeling that ‘I am the body’ is not the trouble. I feel this, but if you still feel differently, then I am open.

Q: A different question comes to my mind. What is the difference between ‘I Am-ness’ and Awareness?

The Presence is also witnessed by Awareness. Although it is made up of Awareness Itself, so if we start the other way…, many of us have had this experience, (in fact all of us in our sleep have this experience), that Awareness is all there is, there is no phenomenon.

Not even the sense ‘I Am’ is there. So Awareness is all there is. And then, when that which we call waking state comes, we find that the Being is here, the sense that ‘I Am’ is here. So if Awareness was all there is, what must Being be made up of? Awareness Itself.

But just that it plays qualitatively differently. That’s why I use the example of water and ice; that it is all water but it has the ability to form a more qualitatively, seemingly tangible Presence called Being. That is why my Master calls it the dynamic aspect of the same one Awareness, which is what we call Consciousness, Beingness.

But you know, there was nothing, there was no-thing, and then this Being was there, in this what we call waking state. So This that is Aware that there was no phenomenon, and then there was this primal phenomenon, that remains unchanged

Q: Is there Awareness that there is no phenomenon?

Yes, yes, because nobody told you in your sleep there was nothing. You know it. This Knowingness Itself is Awareness.

Q: But couldn’t it be an inference once you wake up?

An inference would mean that you use the mind. Inference means what? That a thought comes and you buy it and that becomes an inference.

No, it is like right now if you fall asleep, it is so boring what I am saying that you just wake up…, ‘Sorry, sorry, I feel asleep’. Without the thought even coming that you fell asleep or something like that, you know it. You see? So this Knowing is prior to the thought that you were asleep or not. So it was not an inference.

You see, even if you ask a child who has not fully developed the language enough to make these inferences and things like this, he will say ‘I went to sleep. Now I just woke up. The class was so boring I went to sleep’. Kids know, even children. They are not trying to infer anything.

So this Knowingness; you say there was nothing and then a dream came. It is your direct experience, it is not a mental inference. That which knows that a dream came, that which knows waking came, that also knows that no-thing was there.

Q: Here, there has been a practice of just being aware, being aware of the body, being aware of sensations. Because I am not so much…, I don’t want to believe anything, and I know you don’t ask us to believe anything. I myself am like that, I don’t want to believe anything. I see it for myself.

Very good.

Q: So I tend to believe more in sensations rather than in thoughts. Or I rely on, I put my money on, sensations rather than ideas.

So let’s look at this together. Sensation can come. Without the interpretation of that sensation, what is there to believe or not?

Q: Nothing

There is nothing to believe. But it can be Seen, it can be Witnessed. But belief can be applied only to concepts, and concepts only come from thoughts.

So it is not the belief you are talking about. It is the true contemplation of direct experience, which I am very happy to hear.

Because if it is…, like I was saying on the first day, that if all that happens is that you came with one set of beliefs and you leave with another set of beliefs, then it is not really what we are talking about. The world is full like that. Every class, everything that you attend, every training, everything is like ‘I am going to give you a new set of beliefs’.

Here is the dropping of all of these ideas and beliefs and to see that without any attributes, without any conditions to your Presence, then you find you truly discover what You are.

Q: Yes that has been the attempt. But still I feel that something is not seen. Still there is an urge to inquire.

So, this urge is also Seen. This urge is also Seen. Who is the Witness of this urge?

Q: I can’t name it.

Can there be an urge without the Presence of the Being?

Q: No

All the tasting that happens in this phenomenal realm is phenomenally perceived by Being Itself. This we can check. If you drink some water, it is experienced cold or hot. If you touch the chair it is experienced.

All of this is happening in the screen of Being, in the space of Being, in the Presence of Being. Nothing is experienced outside of this sense of ‘I Am-ness’. You see? So this is the phenomenal perceiving which is happening in Being, by Being.

But there is a Knowingness of this. There is an Awareness of this, which knows even of the presence of or the absence of Being.

It is very simple what I am saying. This mind can say ‘Okay, this is getting very abstract’. No it is not. I am just saying that you Know that this phenomenal experience is happening.

This Knowingness itself is unchanging.

So that which Knows that this phenomenon is being experienced, that which Knows this entire play is being experienced, that is what You are.

And like you said, you must not believe anything I am saying. You can use it as a pointer and check for yourself. And if you find that your experience is something different than this then you must come up and say ‘What do you mean, the Knowing of this?’

Then you will discover that it is simpler than anything that your mind was trying to tell you about it. It is very natural what I am speaking. I Know that ‘I Am’ is here…, is the same as saying ‘I know I am here’.

So then, what is being said like this, you check for yourself if it resonates. And if you find any dissonance then you come up and say ‘I don’t find. What is this? What do you mean by this?’ Because everything I am saying is the inquiry; everything I am saying is the inquiry.

Q: They seem to go parallel, the awareness of the inquiry and inquiry itself, the urge to inquire.

Yes, the urge to inquire is phenomenally perceived in the Presence of Being and there is Knowing of this entire thing which remains unchanged, whether there is urge or not.

So what is more original to you? Is it this Knowingness? Or is it the play of Beingness? What seems like it is more intimate? What seems like it is closer?

Q: Some form of emptiness, I think, but it doesn’t feel like anything.

Yes exactly, exactly. This emptiness or this no-thingness, is your original state, is that which witnesses even sleep state; that Knowingness of all states which come and go. This one has no size, no shape, no form. And that’s why it does not feel like anything. You see? For it to feel like something it has to have some quality. But it is the Being in which all qualities appear and disappear. This is prior to that.

Q: I will just let that sink in.

Yes, yes. This checking; not obsessively or anything, just as a joy. Just to check:

Who Am I? Am I Aware Now?

And the recognition comes instantly. This is the dropping of the conditioning itself, the false conditioning that ‘I was the person, this ego’…, all of this is dropping very harmoniously in this inquiry.

Q: Thank you

Thank you. Very good, very good, my dear.

Namaste, everyone. A very warm welcome to satsang this morning. Satguru Moojiji ki Jai       [Silence]

Prior to any appearance, prior to any idea, before any effort, before any finding, any discovery, before this Now, before anything, You Are. This Self is ever-present.

Before waking, before sleep, before dream, before turiya, before awakening, before freedom, before bondage, before experience, before thought, before emotion, You Are.

There is nowhere to go. There is nothing to find. You have never left the destination. You can only be This.

There is no need to struggle. There is no cause even for celebration, because This You have always been.

Before all the tricks of the mind, before all the sensations in the body, before all appearances in this realm, You Are Here.

Before here was here, before there was there, You Are.

This is too simple for the mind to understand. Stop feeding the mind also with any spirituality. There was a time for that, and now it is done.

Before you and I…, That Absolute One, You Are. You are Here Now.

There is no ego here, there never was. You are done with the play, as a work of fiction. Now you play as God. All of this is Your leela, it is for your joy. Even your grief You enjoy.

There is no need to renounce this realm. There is no need to renounce anything at all. Just renounce this false voice which tries to convince you that You are something that never existed.

Don’t resist any appearance, because it is Your play.

There is neither the doer, nor the thinker. Both doing and thinking are appearances dancing in front of You.

There is nothing to get, there is nothing you can lose. There is nowhere to go, and there is nowhere to stay. Not even God can change what You Are…, the Eternal Absolute Self, the Witness of this entire manifestation, which is nothing but a grain of sand compared to what You Are.

What Divine magic this must be to pretend that You can be a speck within the grain of sand, and pretend to look for YourSelf, which was never lost.

This Divine maya is for Your own joy.

No person has ever lived here. Prior to even Being, You Are…, the Knowingness of all there is, which can not be seen by worldly eyes, and yet It is undeniable.

What maya is this that we gather here today to look for something that was never lost; knowing that this is also part of the same Divine play?

And in this play, may we all come to this realization; if that is Your will.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

~ ~ ~

From Silent Retreat Tiruvannamalai -29th March – Satsang 1

If you were to peel off the layers of this existence one by one, like an onion, how would we go about it?

So first layer, this outer experience. So suppose we peel that off. I still remain, isn’t it? If our outer world is no longer there, I still remain.

Then the next layer is this body. The body peeled off, I still remain.

Now this field of thoughts; thoughts, memories, imagination, that which we call the mind, that also peeled off. I’m still here.

Then the layer of emotions, sensations; suppose that is also kept aside. Still I am.

Now, even this sense that I am, if we keep it aside, this I that remains when all these layers are deconstructed…, this One cannot be removed, cannot be kept aside. So naturally it is present here. It is the core of your reality. Everything else is a super-imposition on top of this.

We make the mistake of trying to go outside to find it, trying to make effort to find it, to do some practice to find it. But it is not in that direction. It is a simple looking at That which is Looking Itself. A simple Witnessing of the purest witnessing. It went anywhere, you did not lose this, you cannot lose this. That which cannot be lost needs no effort to find. It needs no time. Simpler than simple. It cannot stop this Awareness, it cannot stop this primal Witnessing, this Knowingness.

No steps are needed. No journey is required. Find out what cannot be kept aside. When all appearances, all that is coming and going, is left aside, what remains?

And in the little time that we have left together now, find This!…, the Witnessing of all appearances. Don’t be concerned with that which is appearing, that which is coming and going, because that is in time. That will be born and it will die. Find that which is Eternal.

Who am I?

[Silence]

Who am I?

[Silence]

Who am I?

[Silence]

Who am I?

[Silence]

Where am I?

[Silence]

Where am I?

[Silence]

What am I?

[Silence]

What am I?

[Silence]

Who am I?

[Silence]

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

~ ~ ~

Silent Retreat with Anantaji – Tiruvannamalai – 29th March – Satsang 2

Questioner:  I wanted to clarify at that moment, and then he came and I said ‘Oh I am going to forget this’, but then I say it is perfect because the mind wanted to retain it and I said ‘It’s okay’.

Ananta:  This is very good, so we come fresh. Doesn’t matter even what happened two seconds ago. Right now even we are fresh. And make no attempts to present something at all. Just if something comes it comes.

Q: It comes this very deep gratitude, so much blessings. There is so much Love that emanates from your Being and that’s what made me fully trust in being here. I have never seen a video of yours or anything. I just countered your gaze at Swatantranand ashram, like twice. And there was something, and I went to one Satsang; I couldn’t listen to anything, and then the second one and then I was like…no doubt.  Many things you have said are here with me. Thank you for that so much, so so much.

And just to clarify, this is here. Every sensation the experience that ‘I Am’ it is from the Being.

A: Yes.

Q: But to see that is only Awareness.

A: Ah. This perceiving of phenomenon is also Being. That’s what I call the phenomenon perceiving, so that it doesn’t get confused. So it is easier to do if you…, like if you eat a biscuit, then you get the taste of the biscuit. Only in the light of the Being can you this taste be experienced.  Isn’t it?

There is a knowing that this tasting is happening.

That knowing is Awareness.

This tasting is still a product of Being.

So this way the perceiving of all phenomenon including sensation, emotions, all of this belongs to this Being itself. And yet there is a knowing that this is happening which remains untouched. That Knowingness is Awareness.

Q: Okay for example for a blind person who has never seen the ocean and we are sitting together and I see with my eyes closed I see…, like I can see the ocean. And the other person can also, but it is a different experience. But that seeing is happening in Being.

A: In Being. Both are happening in Being. All perceiving of phenomenon is happening in Being, by Being.

I am very happy you brought out this point because this point confuses a lot of people. That’s why I made this term ‘phenomenon perceiving’…, just to make sure we are talking about the tasting of phenomenon, this experiencing of phenomenon, which is a product of Being itself.

Knowingness is uninvolved and yet it knows that this is what is happening.

Q: So the ‘I know that I am aware’…. is …

A: This is Awareness aware of Itself. Because it is not phenomenally seen. It is a non- phenomenal Seeing. All phenomenon seeing belongs to the Being

Q: But the Being itself is phenomenal?

A: The Being is phenomenal. The root phenomena. You see it is like the boundary between the non-phenomenal and the phenomenal.

It is the root phenomena. The Om, the ‘I Am-ness, the primordial. You see?

Q: It can be in a way like the Being is the body and the Awareness the eyes? Like for when I am in the store and I just want to come back and not be a person…, because sometimes…, and just to come back. It just feels like that but I want to clarify; not to be mixing or that mind is coming.

A: Maybe a clearer one is that the Awareness is the witness of this movie which is playing. And the Being is the light of the projector, as well as the screen and the movie itself. You see?

Q: Just as it is simpler that simple, I would say. And also Guruji…, sometimes I say ‘Okay, (as you say occasionally) verify’. I feel that mind is making it a little bit difficult. Do I need to see it, and then breathe and then come back? And this clarifying is because it is an instant.

And what came was that this sensation of ‘I Am’ is very strong, the Being. And then the eyes who sees that is the Awareness.

A: Something like this…

Q: Yes? It’s not mind?

A: So let me tell you that I have given you 3 main keys.

The first key: Because you are free right now, the reality of what you are is free, but you have the power to pretend to suffer.

And how you have the power or how you use this power is only by believing your next thought. So the end of suffering is available right now if you don’t believe your next thought. This is the first key.

[Second key]: Then you say ‘Okay, so this is the end of personal suffering. I see that I cannot suffer unless I pick up a thought. But what about Consciousness or God or Being? Can you show me God?’

And I say ‘Yes. I show you by asking you this question: ‘Can you stop Being?’

And you find that the Presence is here and this Presence is the light. When it comes on then this entire manifestation creation starts to play. When it goes off, there is no thing, no phenomenal existence then.

This is the ‘I Am-ness’.

In the Bible it says God said ‘I Am that I Am’.

So this is that discovery, ‘I Am that I Am’.

[Third key]: Then you say ‘What about the Absolute, the Self?’

And for this I ask you ‘Are you aware now?’

And you say ‘Yes’. But you have not had a phenomenal experience to say ‘Yes’. It is prior to that.

This is Awareness aware of Itself. The Knowing of Awareness, or the knowing of the Knowing Itself.

No mind can fathom this. But in reality you cannot miss this.

The struggle is only in the mind trying to understand this; if there is a struggle. Because very naturally like a child you say ‘Yes, I am Aware’. This ‘I’ that is Aware is Awareness only, because no entity can be Aware. You see?

So with these 3 keys it unravels this entire seeming-spiritual journey. You see? The disillusion of the person is the non-belief in the next thought. No person can exist unless you believe your next thought. It does not even exist then, it exists only at pretense. But you cannot even pretend to be a person unless you believe your next thought. That’s why I say ‘You want to see God pretending to be a person? Believe you next thought’. That is the only way it can happen.

Then I say ‘This experience of Consciousness, I want it to be my direct experience. How to find it?’

Now this inquiry is very cleverly designed. Because if I said ‘Go find your Being’ then it seems confusing. ‘Is this my Being? Is that my Being? My Being is not clear’.

That’s why I say: ‘Can you stop being?’

When I say ‘stop being’ it becomes clear. ‘No, this Being is here. I cannot stop’.

You see? This is a very quick way to come to the direct experience of Beingness.

And then the last question we can ask in two ways. The first is: ‘Am I Aware now?’ So clear; Awareness aware of Itself.

Or the second way to ask is: who is aware even of this Being?

‘I’. This ‘I’ that is aware of this Being is Awareness Itself.

And actually if you stay with these 3 simple pointings, you cannot get lost anywhere in this.

I tried to create a mind-proof design. Like we say ‘A fool-proof design’. But the mind is a fool, so a mind proof design. And yet it comes with some tricks obviously, but that’s its job.

Q: Anything else is mind

A: We can say like that, yes. [Laughter]

~ ~ ~

.

.

From Silent Retreat in Tiruvannamalai – 29th March – Morning

Namaste everyone. Very warm welcome to satsang today. Satguru Moojiji ki Jai

So we’re almost at the midway point [of the Silent Retreat in Tiru]. So I wanted to check with all of you. And I had a few questions for you. And answer with as much integrity as you can muster. How many of you are feeling stuck with something? How many of you are feeling stuck with this idea of non-personal existence, there is no person. Anyone stuck with this? Who is stuck with not really being clear with this sense of Being; the Being that we speak about? And who is stuck with this Awareness which is aware of Itself?

So, those who are stuck with the non-existence of the person, they can come up first one by one. [Someone comes to talk with Ananta]. So, what’s the stuckness? Is it that you still feel like there is a person here, or what is it?

Q: I don’t feel the person. Until I came here, I didn’t feel anything like that. But from the day we came here, since then some energies are moving around which seems to be clouded kind of thing; it’s not very clear or something like that. So it’s like I feel like it’s clouded, something like that. So much of energies I can feel in my heart area, which is like dense. It’s like it has to be released. Something like that it is feeling. And because of these things happening, it feels like back to the mind or something. Something like that.

I know it’s not true. I can see through that as well. And there’s a little clarity coming; that control thing and identity thing. If I think about it, it is there. If I don’t think about it, it’s not there.

A: So, that which comes and goes. So you say ‘When I think about it or I give my attention and belief to my thoughts, then it seems to exist. But when I don’t, it doesn’t exist. So that which comes and goes…, this comes and goes?

Q: I know these are thoughts.

A: Yes, yes. These are thoughts which are coming and going. Now, are they coming and going for a person?

Q: No. They’re just coming and going. I can see them. I can see them clearly. That clarity is there. Even if I say that it’s clouded, I know it’s just a thought. But at times, it’s forgotten…, to see that it’s thought.

A: Yes. When you look, and you look, it’s clear that there’s no person.

Q: Yes. Very clear. And I know all these things are only thoughts, and they have no meaning.

A:  Then you’re not stuck with it.

Q: No, I’m not.

A: It’s only that sometimes you buy into it. This ‘sometimes’ will keep reducing.

Q: That’s right.

A: This ‘sometimes’ will keep reducing. Sometimes it feels like you come into the retreat, and it seems to amplify instead of reduce, because it is getting released in this environment. So that is okay. This ‘sometimes’ I say will keep reducing because the mind will say ‘Til it’s 100%, I’m not done’. But I want to tell you, (and you’ve heard this before), that there is no 100%.

Q: Yeah, I know that.

A: I used to joke quite often and say ‘It’s 99.976%’. Because 100% is a trap.

Q: Yes, it is. I’m already completed on that. Yeah. It makes sense. But it’s too quick sometimes, and too automatic, so just…, it goes like that.

A: Sometimes. And these times keep reducing as we go along. So the ‘sometimes’…, even a sage can say ‘sometimes’. ‘Sometimes I buy into the personal idea’ is something even a sage can say. [Short interruption] So this ‘sometimes’, even a sage can say. ‘Sometimes I buy into the personal idea’. But when you ask him ‘So, how many times?’ … ‘Oh, maybe once in two months’. So this time will keep reducing.

Q: And I also notice that I’m not able to do any sadhana or any practice. I can’t, even if I try, I can’t do anything. Because it has to be very spontaneous and very natural. If I do something, it’s like pushing something.

A: Yes. If you go with the sense that ‘I do…’ then you make a practitioner out of yourself. You yourself say ‘It must happen spontaneously if it is to happen’. And then you are witnessing even the practice happening. You see? You’re not really feeling that you’re the practitioner anymore.

Q: No.

A: This is good.

Q: It’s happening, Father. But when I see others and they all close their eyes and sit in that silence, I don’t feel…, honestly, I don’t feel anything here, even if there’s something happening, (this is very honest, I’m telling you), I don’t feel anything. I don’t know if this is okay also. Am I actually doing the retreat?

A: I feel actually it’s very good what’s happening for you. Because yesterday something got released and as you sit in this field of satsang, more and more can be released. You don’t even have to give yourself a report card about it. I also don’t need to give you one.

Q: Yeah, but I think…, everyone keeps reporting to you also. The mind says like ‘Oh, why do you want to just sit and watch. Don’t you have to do something?’ It just comes like that, and automatically I keep…, the mind thoughts keep coming about reporting what should be told and what not. I know that this is also …, I’m seeing that, so the moment it’s seen, it just drops away. So, these things are happening by itself. But the releasing part is a bit painful; I can feel it. It’s just a very intense pain in my heart. I can sense; since 3 days I’ve come here, it’s going on.

A: Like an injection is also painful. But it’s useful. You see? So you’re getting a shot, an injection.

Q: And the constant prayer is going on, too, to Arunachala. It’s just happening. Because he’s the one who made me come here. All this is Grace, as you said; everything is Grace. I don’t even know how I’m speaking now, how these words are coming. Although I sense that some resistance is also there, the mind is like ‘3 days more. How will you stay by yourself? [Silent retreat] Something like that.

A: Different forms.

Q: Yes, whatever is possible on Earth, it’s just coming up. … I’m just watching.

A: But you are clear that the person does not exist?

Q: Definitely, definitely. You see, the only thing is that there’s an expectation that the mind also should settle because I’ve read somewhere Bhagavan saying that ‘Thoughtless state is the goal’ or something like that. So, that desire is coming. Because I have previously been that; that kind of experience I’ve had. So, that is the blissful state, to be without thought. So, when you taste that, you don’t want to be ‘here’. Something like that.

Having said that, it doesn’t mean that these things should not be there; they are there. But it’s okay. They’re not bothering me anymore. It’s not like how it was before, like somebody coming and telling in your ears or something like that. It’s nothing like that. It’s okay.

A: The thought comes and says ‘You must be thought-less’. [Laughs]

Q: Exactly. Because this thought, from Bhagavan it has come, it’s a bit of …, you buy into it.

A: You know, with me, (you know this), that I have this promise that I never speak anything which is not direct experience. And it is not my direct experience that thoughts stop. It is my direct experience that thought activity reduces. So, maybe I’m not enlightened or whatever, but I can only speak from what is here, you see? Thoughts reduce, thought activity reduces, the belief is close to non-existent. And therefore it doesn’t really matter if there are thoughts or not.

Q: It was like that for me until I came here.

A: [Laughing] Drop this ‘report card’ also. It is just what it is right now. See, that’s what I was been saying. I was saying the last two days that this guy is my nemesis, this check-er guy, saying ‘It was like this, now it’s like this, why like this?’ Constant evaluation. And anything I point, it takes that and makes a practice out of it. I say ‘Don’t evaluate yourself’, and you wake up and you say ‘See, I’m still evaluating myself. He said not to evaluate yourself’. That evaluation happened.

Q: The morning when I was ….

A: [Laughs] Speak directly from here. No morning, no yesterday when I came, no Australia, India, Bangalore; nothing. Now. . .

Q: [Silence]

A: This is what I’m talking about. This is what I mean by freshness of this moment.

Q: I can sense that.

A: You don’t need that evaluation. Because this is just the old habit of making a story out of our life, which continues in this way. Don’t go there.

Q: Then I don’t have anything to say.

A: This is good, no? Not that I mind hearing you, I enjoy hearing you, but just to be here whether words come or not is also seen. It’s okay.

Q: Ah, it’s cleared up in my heart, I can feel that.

A: [Smiles] Not even this evaluation.

Q: [Laughs]

A: It seems like ‘I don’t know what to do then, if I’m not evaluating’. Why? Because we got so used to this constant checking on ourselves. That’s why I said ‘Drop the thermometer’. …

Q: I can sense what you’re saying. It’s very subtle but I can sense… The mind cannot grasp this, what you’re saying, but it’s gone inside.

A: Because it wants something to do.

Q: Exactly.

A: And it got habituated to making this report. And we valued that report earlier, you see? We had so much value for that report…, ‘Okay, today, more quietness’ … ‘today a little more noisy’… ‘today, resistance’ … ‘today bliss’…  Like this. We got used to this report care. And you know that I speak with integrity, so you know that this report card doesn’t happen here. R-a-r-e-l-y ever. And it’s only trouble.

What is just is. It is never a problem, even for Being.

~ ~ ~

From Silent Retreat Tiruvannamalai -28th March – Satsang 1

Namaste, everyone. Very warm welcome to satsang this afternoon.

Satguru Moojiji ki Jai.

Questioner: [Silence] I just don’t know where this is going.

Ananta: Is that trouble, or is that good?

Q: It’s trouble.

A: If you don’t know where this is going.

Q: It’s trouble. I’m going to give a report card. It felt really good yesterday when you said ‘Just leave everything’ and it felt like okay, just more space. And again then, this afternoon, like it started going into this really dark spaces. Just, something didn’t want to go there, like …, [sighs], I have no idea, Father. So desperate, like really. Like something just wants a real inquiry to come because unless that comes, I feel like I can’t get out of this. I was in my room, and I just had to walk up to the satsang hall. I start going into the mind, which just happens automatically now and it just takes me to a very dark…, I mean, I’m not there, but you, know it just.. , I’m still here.

A: That’s good. So even the ‘report card’ you can make, the One who Sees that this is a report, the One who is a Witness of your own words and these [Ananta’s] words, what report can you make about That One? The One that sees dark and light, and joy and bliss, and grief and sadness, resistance and openness, … that report I’m very happy to hear. It’s undeniable that It Is Here, isn’t it? It’s always here. What can we say about This One?

Is this Witness at some distance from us?

Or is that which is appearing at some distance, (seeming distance), from us?

What is dancing in front?

Is the Witness dancing in front of you?

Or are the appearances dancing in front of you?

The appearances are dancing in front of you.

And in what way are these appearances really touching the Witness?

Q: No way.

A: Now, the only way, if the appearances are not touching the Witness…, the only way for the appearances to touch You is that if you are something other than the Witness. Because you say that there is no way that these appearances touches this Witness. Therefore, for these appearances to affect You, You must be something other than the Witness. Can you become something other than This?

Q: [Silence]

A: You cannot become.

Q: I don’t know what happens when it goes into that space. Let’s look at that.

A: So, what happens when it goes into that space? Let’s look at that. What is the ability to give reality to these appearances? That is our attention, isn’t it? To give seeming-reality to these appearances, we have a power called attention. So, it is attention that goes into this phenomenal realm and makes it come alive, seemingly.

So, attention has gone here and there; it’s been everywhere. What has happened to the Witness because of it?

Q: Can we just look again at the Witness, because I don’t want to just say ‘I am the Witness’ because I’ve been saying it every time. I assume that I know it.

A: Yes, yes. Don’t say anything until you have a direct experience.

Q: I just want to look at it now.

A: Yes, all of you. Let’s look together at this. Use any sensation in the body and check. Who is witnessing it? There is a witnessing which is undeniable.

And allow anything to come, any sensation, any sound, and check: Who witnesses this?

Is there a witnessing of it, or no?

Q: [Nods yes.]

A: There is. Then we said: What is more intimate? Is it the Witnessing that I truly am, or is it the appearance that I am?

Q: [Silence or inaudible]

A: It’s simpler than that. Whatever is coming in the way and saying ‘This is difficult’ or ‘It’s getting cloudy’ it is simpler than that. Because whatever is coming and seeming to cloud up, also is seen. Or no?

Because many times we say that ‘I’m getting these blocks along the way. I’m getting these clouds along the way’. We can say these [things]. But in this, there is an apparent presumption that I have to walk from here to there; only then can I be blocked. Isn’t it? There can be a block only if I’m trying to get somewhere. I’m asking ‘Where are you already?’

Q: I’m just here.

A: You see? So we’re not trying to get anywhere. We’re not trying to move a single inch. Just seeing this: that any appearance, be it cloudiness or openness, I am witnessing that.

Q: It’s just too simple.

A: It’s too simple. Simplest.

Q: It just feels like now the mind has been given so much energy that it actually doubts the Witnessing. And trying to trace the Witnessing that I already am, and I can’t be seen like that; and that it’s trying to put a picture that something’s trying to grab onto.., like this is what’s hanging on.

A: But all of this you would not even be able to say unless there was a witnessing of it.

Q: Yeah.

A: So the mind with all of its tricks has no power to dent the Witnessing in any way.

Q: No. Nothing happens to Me.

A: No. So, now this Witnessing is here. This is the predominant Truth of what I truly Am.

And then, what is the most intimate experience, phenomenal experience? It is this sense that I Am, I exist.

Check; keep checking with me. So, there’s this Witnessing. It is not even Being, It is just the Witnessing, It is just Awareness Itself.

Q: [Silence]. There’s some resistance to that.

A: Even this resistance…, don’t resist the resistance. Let it come. Even that is seen. This Seeing is untouched by any resistance. And then you find that the Being is also untouched by any resistance. That’s why I’ve given you this key, to ask yourself ‘Can I stop Being?’

[Silence]

So is this Being also Witnessed, or no? You know of the Presence, that’s exactly what I’m saying. There is a knowingness of the Being.

Q: But that doesn’t feel like me.

A: We haven’t even got to feeling yet. You see? Right now we’re just at the Seeing, and the Being.

Now, with this Being, there is all of this phenomenal play that starts. All the energies start. All the forces of God, all the forces of Consciousness, they start. What happened to the Witnessing in all of this? Did something happen?

No matter what the state is. No matter what the appearance is. No matter if even the appearance of Being is there or not. Does something happen to the Seeing?

Q: I don’t want to say ‘no’ right now because I can’t [inaudible].

A: Yes. But right now you see that even Being is not affecting the Witnessing in any way, the Seeing in any way. Although it might be very intimate.

Q: The knowing is there, but …

A: So, this knowing, can it be touched by even the Being…, affected in any way by the Being?

Q: The Being is not affected in any way.

A: I’m saying ‘Is the knowing affected even by the Being?’ You said ‘There is a knowing of Being’. But is the knowing affected even by the Being?

Who’s with me on this one?

Q: This one doesn’t make sense to me?

A: Okay. There’s a knowing, or no?

Q: There’s a knowing of the Being.

A: There’s a knowing of the Being. Is it You that is knowing, or no?

Q: Yeah.

A: So if you are the knowing, then the Being is the most primal appearance which is coming in front of you?

Q: Yeah.

A: So, if Being is arising, in what way is the arising of the Being affecting this knowing that You Are?

Q: It can’t affect; it comes out of the knowing.

A: It can’t affect; it comes out of the knowing. Okay. Then, in the light of this Being, all the rest of this drama starts. Isn’t it? All the play, the energies, the joy and the bliss and the grief and the sadness; all of this arises in the light of this Consciousness, on the screen of the same Consciousness.

You see? So if the Being itself did not touch the knowing, then how can any of that play which is happening within the Beingness touch this knowing?

Q: [Silence] So, it’s not doing anything to anybody, the appearance, is it not?

A: Yes. No appearance can ever hurt This.

Q: [Silence] The problem is that there’s a sense that the appearance shouldn’t be this way because I have been in satsang.

A: Yes. And this sense means what? That it should not be this way means what? A thought is coming ‘It should not be this way’.

Q: And then it brings all its friends.

A: It brings all its friends, cousins. [Laughs] Yes. So what? If you say that ‘I am this knowing’ then what happens if it brings the entire army of cousins and friends, … if you are the Witnessing of it and the Witnessing is untouched? It’s like the space in this room is complaining about how many of us are there. ‘I just want one or two. 40 or 50 becomes too much’. [Smiles] Is it concerned? The space in this room is unconcerned with what is appearing inside the room. And there is no way that anything appearing inside this room can harm the space. You see?

And the fact is, you’re not even this space. You are the witness of even this space. So, the space of Being is where all of this play is happening, and You are just watching it.

Q: [Silence]. That doesn’t hit home always, Father, when you say it.

A: Not always; but now, where is it? [Laughs]

Q: Even right now, it doesn’t make it….

A: Okay. Which part?

Q: The Seeing. ..

A: The Seeing is untouched by anything that’s happening in the appearances, which are all happening in the Being.

Q: Yes, but when I check the Seeing doesn’t feel…, (I don’t want to say ‘feel’), but I don’t feel at home, like, with the Seeing.

A: ‘I’ don’t feel? So, at what distance is the Seeing from you? If you are to be comfortable with something, like if you are to be comfortable with your roommate, there must be some distance between the two of you. Now, at what distance is the Seeing from you?

Q: [Silence]

A: Where are you, that the Seeing is not?

Q: [Silence]

Is there anywhere where this Seeing is, but you are not?

Q: I can say the Being is everywhere that I am; where ever I am.

A: And you know this? Or no?

Q: Yes

A: This Knowing is what I’m calling the Seeing, you see? The Awareness.

Q: Yeah.

A: So, this knowing knows of Being. So what is closer to you? You say ‘I know that Presence is here, that Being is here’.  You don’t say ‘Being knows that I am here’. [Holding his hand above his head, pointing hand down toward the body]: If there was a Being [above] that knew that I am here, then the Being would be the predominant one; and I would be an object in comparison to that.

You say ‘I know of the Presence’. Therefore You are the predominant one, this Knowingness.

Q: [Silence] Sorry, I’m just taking time. Like there’s always a control from the mind, especially with the Seeing here. [Silence]

A: Do I know Presence? Or does Presence know I?

Let’s all check.

Q: I know Presence.

A: I know Presence. Therefore this I that knows even Presence must be what I am in reality.

Q: [Long Silence]  I think it’s too simple, and something’s trying too hard.

A: Yes, it is too simple. Simpler than simple. Because very naturally we could be having the same conversation; you know, we could just be sitting and saying ‘I know of Presence’. That’s all that we are saying.

Q: It’s like something has to click, or …

A: But it’s already clicked. ‘I know of Presence’. [Laughs] This is clear, or no? It is I that knows Presence, it is not Presence that knows of Me. Therefore, this Knowingness must be greater. And this Knowingness has no size, shape, form; nothing. It remains unchanged, untouched. It has no time.

As I say all of these things, check for yourself whether it is true or not. Don’t just hear them like nice, fancy words; ‘so beautiful, so beautiful’. Just check.

It’s unchanging, untouched Witnessing. It has no time, it knows no effort. It has no color, size and shape. It is not a visual, it is not imagination. It knows sleep and waking. Some of you must be sleepy, and you can check; even this sense of sleepiness or falling asleep for a few seconds and waking up, You know of it. No state changes this. It does not move. It is neither big nor small. You cannot find a location of it. And yet It Is. It is neither sad nor happy; neither blissful nor grieving; neither confused nor clear. All this does not apply to This. This is Your unchanging reality. That which is changeful is just coming and going appearances.

So, the instant we can say that it is Seen, in that instant we should also be able to say that it is just another appearance. There is nothing You need from any appearance. This Seeing does not need anything from anything; and yet it has no lack. Contentment nor desire mean nothing for This. It has no likes nor dislikes. It has no way It is supposed to be, no concepts apply to It at all. And whether you like it or not, This is What You are. Resist with all your might, but you cannot convince me that you are something other than This I.

Just another appearance coming and going, a passing cloud in the sky, and we say ‘I am going…, This is happening to me’. You are the Witness of it. You are not keeping up the Witnessing, you’re not making sure you’re a good Witness and sometimes you become a bad Witness. It is just the Witnessing Itself.

Q: It’s like the Seeing is more home than the Witness.

A: The Seeing is more home…? Because the Witness…, when I’m saying [Witness], I’m referring to the Witnessing Itself, which is the same as the Seeing.

Q: So, I’m saying the Presence also doesn’t feel like me.

A: Only a sage can say that…, to say that: Even before this ‘I Am’ …, ‘I’ am.

Q: [Deep sigh]  [Silence]

A: The one that wants to own this Seeing, that says ‘Now I saw it!’…, this one is also Seen. The one that says ‘I hope this doesn’t go; I hope this remains like this’…, this one is also seen; the tricks of the mind. Because You already saw that the Seeing is unchanging and moving. It doesn’t need any help from the mind. It doesn’t need any reinforcement saying ‘I hope it stays this way’ or ‘I better be like this’. This advice is not for the Seeing. The Seeing is just Seeing. And Being is just Being. This voice is just talking…

Will anything from the mind help this Seeing become better at Seeing? [Laughs] Will any advice from the mind help the Being do a better job at Being? [Laughs]

Q: It’s like there’s really nothing to understand.

A: There is nothing to understand, yes.

Q: [Laughs]

A: And this the mind cannot understand.

Q: There’s no play at the moment.

A: The play, when we say ‘the play’ it’s just that these appearances come and go. We cannot deny that these appearances come and go.

Q: It’s like only when there’s a sense of time that the play feels real.

A: Yes, it feels real only if we believe it to be real.

Q: Just right now there’s no play. I’m just talking to you.

A: Yes, so the appearance of this talking is happening but there’s no investment in any of this. You see? Because you’re not believing that you’re part of this play of appearances you say ‘This is just something going on, and I’m not in it’.

Q: I can’t even say ‘I’m not in it’ because…

A: Okay, no need to say that also. But definitely you cannot say ‘I am in it’.

Q: No. [Silence] I can just see thoughts arise and just die.

A: Thoughts are arising and dying. All appearances are arising and dying. Does it make any difference to this seeing? No.

Q: It makes no difference to anybody.

A: It makes no difference to anybody, because there’s nobody here.

[Laughter in the room]

A: Does it compute? It does, because you say the Seeing is untouched by it. The Seeing is not a ‘somebody’.

Q: Even the Being feels like nobody. It’s just a sense.

A: Yes. The Being is also nobody.

Q: But it’s like an energetic nobody.

A: Yes, it feels like energetic Presence…, which is known.

~~ ~

From Silent Retreat Tiruvannamalai – 28th March – Satsang 2