BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

Q: Beloved Anantaji, the release of ‘dark matter’ and cleaning out seems to take forever in me, and I’m running out of time.

A: ‘I am running out of time’. Run out of this ‘I’. Run out of this ‘I’ instead. You cannot run out of time; time is running inside You. Time might run out of time one day, but You cannot. And you know what I mean. As long as we keep reinforcing this sense of ‘I’ which itself is saying ‘Why am I not done with this ‘I’ yet?’ that is the reinforcement coming in the guise of an advisor. Because right now, it is done.

Q: Also I feel ashamed that despite taking a name from you, I continue to be interested in all forms of spirituality and keep ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ only for emergencies…,

[Laughs] Very sweet.

Q: … and life and death situations. With Love, Vedika.

This is good, because at least we know that in emergencies or life or death [situations] we run to the truth. You see? And That One which can spot these things cannot truly be stuck in these things. Because if you can see that this is how the play is happening, then you’re not constricted by the play. The mind is saying ‘But this is taking forever. When will it end?’ But is it really taking forever? It’s only been a short amount of time, when compared to the time in which all of this conditioning was picked up.

As I’ve been saying, there are two aspects to freedom. The first is recognition of what we are, which is always Now; you cannot miss it Now. And you have recognized this. And the second is the dropping of prior conditioning, which only means all of that which you have attached to ‘I Am’. So if you don’t attach now to this ‘I Am’ the idea that ‘I am running out of time’ then you cannot say ‘I am running out of time’. Just let ‘I Am’ remain as ‘I Am’.

Because otherwise what are we doing? We’re cleaning the house. We’re throwing it into the garbage can, all the dirt, and then we’re emptying it again back into the house. Throwing out conditioning, and bringing it right back in; then it can seem like an endless process. This is the prolongation of the seeming-spiritual journey. But the truth is much simpler than that. Because it is actually conditioning that is working so hard to keep itself alive. Every moment it is ‘done for’.

Just Now, it is done.

Don’t attach anything fresh to it. Because when you attach something fresh now…, then the prior garbage also comes back. So if you refuse to buy any doubt from the mind, any idea from the mind, nothing even about the past, no idea about how the future should go…, then what is left to be done? Even if some energetic release is happening…, even about that; if you’re not buying a thought about that, then it is nothing. It just feels like some strong sensations which are appearing and disappearing.

So, what you’re saying is ‘Don’t believe your next thought is only for emergencies’ means when it’s like a bandage that you use in your first aid kit. When something feels hurt, then you take out ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ and use it that way. But even this doesn’t work because ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ is not a personal strategy.

Why does it work? Because there is no bondage, and You Are the Self. The false is not here; the ego does not exist. Nobody is suffering from any sensation appearing, even in the body. There is no suffer-er of them.

The only way you can play as a person right now is by believing your next thought. There is no other way to do it. Therefore, as we remain in this, it feels like…, it seems like…, we have cut off the oxygen to this non-existent person. Now, if we go back and forth on this; sometimes we give it oxygen, sometimes we take away the oxygen, sometimes we give it, we take it away…, you see?…, then the journey of this non-existent person seems to prolong itself.

The ‘person’ comes into satsang, (well, not really; it just seems like it comes into satsang), with this idea that ‘I will get something, I will find happiness, I will become peaceful’. It expects this garland and a halo at the end of satsang. But what does it find instead? It finds that there is an axe. [Chuckles] No garland, no halo; there’s an axe. Then it says ‘Oh, oh…, I think I need a break’. [Laughs] Just when the non-existent person’s non-existent head is coming on this non-existent guillotine, it wants to run. And it finds any excuse to run. It can be ‘I’ll never get it’ or ‘I got it’. It can be ‘I want to focus on my life and sort it out first’…, on the so-called responsibilities that we are taking care of. It can try and create some confusion in the mind on what different teachers are saying. It can get into a very intellectual mindset; the person, the mind itself can start speaking a lot of words that it has heard itself in satsang. All of this, just to avoid the guillotine.

And yet, within the sangha itself, we find many who are not believing most of their thoughts now. And you can see that they are not suffering. What other proof do we need?

There comes a time when we stop playing games. And when we find then something which smells of Truth, then we hang onto it for dear life.

All our struggles are personal. All these battles we are fighting are not about You.

[Silence]

Satsang is just a response to the Holy yearning of God to speak to God; of Being to commune with Itself.

Allow your mind to give up. Because it is not your mind which will enjoy your Presence. It is not your mind which will recognize the truth of what You Are. Allow your mind to give up. And allow Me to talk to Myself.

[Silence]

Just Now, You Are Free.

There is no other time to be free.

It’s only about Now.

There is no bondage. Even if the body was in chains, full of painful sensations, You could not be bound.

Now You Are Free.

[Silence]

Freedom is Your true nature.

[Someone cries and laughs in satsang hall]

And clearly, some of us are recognizing it.

[Chuckles]

Q: Father, there’s a lot of suffering, a lot of suffering. Sometimes the concern for children is so much that it becomes really unbearable. I mean, I become very panicky. And I don’t feel like doing anything. I just don’t want to go out, I want to sit in a lonely place and just listen to satsang; that’s all. But then again, there’s a feeling of ‘what if’…, I mean this would have an adverse impact on children. I don’t know how to deal with this fear, Father.

A: What is the fear? ‘If I’m in satsang, that will have an adverse impact’…, is it?

Q: Yes, all the time, I mean, doing nothing and just sitting in satsang and yeah…, I’m constantly worried ‘What would the children think?’ You know? And my concern for them is also so much that it does become like an obsession. If they’re not doing well in school, I lose my sleep. Father, very difficult.

A: So, right now is there suffering?

Q: Well, yes, a bit.

A: So, okay, if right now there is suffering, is every part of you suffering?

Q: Every part of the body.

A: Every part of you. Is every part of you suffering?

Q: Yes.

A: Every part is suffering. And that which Witnesses the suffering…, that is also suffering?

Q: No.

A: Is that outside of you? That which Witnesses suffering, That which Witnesses sensations, That which Witnesses all of this play, what is happening to That one? Is that somebody else?

Q: No. But the sensation of suffering is so over-powering that …

A: For That one? For the Witness, it is over-powering? Who is it over-powering?

Q: It becomes very difficult to cope with the anxiety.

A: Yes, the sense of anxiety is there, the sense of suffering is there, but isn’t there also this Witness which remains untouched by any of this? That which is looking, is That also suffering, is That also anxious?

Q: No, Father, actually it becomes so overwhelming; the fear, the anxiety that I start reacting.

A: Yes, because you have put your ‘I’ in the wrong place. You put your ‘I’ in the place of movement. You say ‘That which is moving, that which is anxious, that which is suffering I’.

I am saying that when we look, we find that ‘I’ in reality is not touched by these sensations of anxiousness, by the sense of suffering. Now, don’t go with what your mind is saying about this. When you look, what do you find?

Q: A lot of noise and a lot of sensations.

A: That is also Seen. What happened to the Seer? Are you the noise? Or are you the Witness of the noise?

Q: [Long silence]

A: Actually it is impossible not to suffer if you believe yourself to be an appearance; that which is changing, moving, coming and going. Because it is this sense of change, this lack of stability which itself IS suffering.

Is the ocean suffering because the wave is going up and down? And if you are the wave which is going up and down, then who is aware of this wave, the ups and downs; who is the Witness of them? Is that also going up and down?

Q: No, actually…, but the thoughts arise and subside in such an intensity.

A: Wait for the next intense thought, and tell me how it is so intense? What is so intense about it?

Q: Like for example, if my child is not doing well in school…, so it creates a lot of fear in the mind.

A: The thought in itself is not intense, because to one who has no children if the thought comes ‘Oh, my child is not doing well’ it is meaningless. So the content of the thought could be the same, but the intensity depends on how much you believe it. And the belief in the thought is dependent upon what you believe yourself to be. That is the root of this suffering: ‘The false belief that I have about myself’.

And there is no end of suffering if we go like this, trying to sort out ‘my life’, to give ‘myself’ some better experiences; as long as we don’t clarify this ‘me’. Either we clarify this ‘me’ or we surrender this ‘me’…, only that is the end of suffering.

I know right now if you look, you will not find a Prachi [a ‘me’]. I’ve been asking for 3 years. Nobody has found it [a ‘person’]. So I can say with great confidence now that you will not find it. If you cannot find Prachi, why do you have to believe Prachi’s thoughts?

Q: I feel that my participation is very important and if I don’t participate in it, then …

A: Yes, but who? Who is this ‘I’ that must participate? For a minute, don’t worry about the appearances. Don’t worry about what is appearing and disappearing, just look at who is watching these appearances; who is looking at them? What can you say about that? Is that which is appearing and disappearing more intimate to you, or this unchanging Witnessing more intimate to you?

Q: The Witness, Father. The Witness.

A: So how about if we give some concern to this Witness for a change? Because we’ve given so much concern about that which has been appearing and disappearing. So how about instead we look for what the Witness ‘wants’. Because the Witness is closer, you see; closer than any appearance. So what does this Witness want?

Q: What can a Witness want, Father?

A: Okay, so the Witness cannot want anything, and the Witness is closest to what You are; therefore what can You want? You must be an appearance then to want something, if the Witness cannot want something. Then are you an appearance…, that you want something?

Q: [Long silence] Can I remain the Witness all the time? I mean, is it possible?

A: Okay, you tell me how you leave the Witness. I say it is impossible to leave the Witness; you prove me wrong. Don’t be the Witness. Be something else.

The mind says ‘Can I remain as this all the time? Is it possible?’ I’m flipping the question around. I say: Can you not remain as this?

Stop witnessing, and show me.

Become an appearance and show me.

How will you become an appearance?

The false can never become Truth, and the Truth is never false. But you have the power to believe the false, and this belief is dropped away in the light of our looking.

We see that there’s a Witnessing and there’s the appearance. And you find that ‘I cannot become the appearance’. But only the mind speaks to you as if you are an appearance.

But even this appearance you cannot find; you cannot find the appearance of a ‘person’. We can find the appearance of a body, but the body has no concern about the children. The body is not frustrated because of some life event.

So this ‘I’ which says ‘Can I remain always as the Witness?’ cannot…, because this ‘I’ doesn’t exist at all. It is just a voice that you’re hearing, and believing. That which IS the Witness already is You.

Q: Father, is it really possible not to believe the thoughts that arise?

A: Yes. Believe me. [Laughs] Do you believe every thought?

Q: Yes, most of the time.

A: But any thought can come next, no? Any thought which will come next, you’ll believe it?

Q: Yes, it happens.

A: If the thought is saying ‘Let’s go to the moon tomorrow’ will you believe it?

Q: No.

A: Why…? Why is it not needed to believe our thoughts? Because the thoughts are always referring to you as the non-existent one.

No thought is meaningful to That which You really are; to Awareness. No thought is meaningful to That which you are playing as, which is Consciousness. Because God doesn’t need a thought; and only God Is. Therefore there must be a belief somewhere that there is Consciousness AND there is Prachi…, and this Prachi with thoughts. But this Prachi you cannot find.

That which is running this universe, That which is running your body right now, what thought is it using to run your body, to beat your heartbeat…, or for all the organs to be functioning? So if this body is functioning on its own, the world is function on its own, what is this Prachi controlling?

Q: Father, why is it not so easy to implement this?

A: Because you’re buying all this. Okay, keep this one aside. Next!  Don’t believe the idea that ‘It’s not so easy to implement’. Then right now, you have some trouble?

Q: [Silence]

A: Are you suffering right now in this moment, this instant?

Q: No.

A: Now, don’t buy a thought. Remain here. Stay still. Let everything come and go; you don’t move. Let the body move, but you don’t move. [Silence] Suffering now?

Q: No.

A: Just stay Here. Is there anything difficult about this? Don’t pick up a thought. Go with your own direct Seeing. Isn’t it natural? You’re just Here. [Silence] Now suffering?

Q: No.

A: Now you can only suffer if you buy some thought. So when the thought comes ‘But, but…, what about my children?’ then the inquiry is:

Who?

Whose children?

Who is speaking to whom?

The thought is ‘who’ and it wants to speak to ‘who’.

Let God be the parent, because only God IS.

Q: Yes, Father. I guess I’m too involved in their life.

A: Yes. But don’t pick up this ‘I’. You see? Any time you pick up the thought, you pick up the idea that you are this ‘I’. God is very involved in God’s life.

[Smiles] You know, it used to play like this a few months (or maybe years) ago. You know: ‘For a day, don’t use the word ‘I’…, say God’. Even if it sounds like the most arrogant thing. So now speak as God. Let’s see.

Q: I always have this question on my mind of ‘When would I awaken?’

A: When would God awaken?…, is the question.

Q: Yes. Ha ha ha ha.

A: You see, because we ourself say ‘God is everywhere’. If God is everywhere, then there cannot be a God and a ‘you’.

Q: Yes.

A: God is all there is. We cannot find this Prachi. We looked, we looked, we looked.

This Being we cannot stop. This is Consciousness, this is Beingness, this is that ‘I Am’ which is referred to in the Bible; ‘I Am that I Am’ God said. So This, we can find. So, let’s use that Biblical definition; I Am Here means God is Here. There is no separate one here.

Many of us have this idea that there is a person sitting inside our head and driving something from there. [Laughs] Press this button, move the hand; like a controller, like a person sitting there inside the head and controlling this life. But then the brain surgeon would find it, no? Nothing like that is found.

Then many also say ‘Yes, yes, this is fine, but actually I know that my brain is doing everything. My brain is doing everything’. So do we know how to control our brain? Do we know how to fire even one neuron in our brain? So if the brain is doing everything, you are still irrelevant, because then the brain is god.

Whichever way you look at it, ‘I’ the seeming-person is completely irrelevant. Are you scared of irrelevance?

Q: No.

A: No. Very good.

Q: So, finally, how do I get rid of this person, Father?

A: How does God get rid of the person?

Q: Yes.

A: Because God saw that there is no person.

If you find the person, we will treat the person together. But if you cannot even find that which you want to get rid of, then how to treat this?

Besides your thoughts, is there anything which tells you that you are a person?

Q: [Silence]

A: The Presence that you experience is not personal. This Awareness of this Presence is not personal. This body doesn’t want freedom, doesn’t want to get rid of the person, doesn’t want any of this. It is not personal; it is just an innocent instrument.

So if you don’t believe these thoughts, is there any evidence of this person?

Q: Yeah…

A: Why you want to get rid of that which you cannot even find?

Q: [Silence]

A: Okay, let me put it another way. Suppose you came into satsang and I looked at you, and I found the person, and I got rid of it. Okay. Then I said ‘The person is actually gone. It was here, okay, it was here, but I’ve taken it away. But the only thing that is left is these thoughts will come that still belong to this person. You don’t bother about them’. How’s that?

Q: [Laughs]

A: So someone the other day (we went to a movie together, all of us) they asked me ‘So, Father, what is your super-power?’…, just playfully somebody asked. [Laughs] So, suppose my super-power was this: I look into your eyes and I remove the person. But I say that ‘You know, there will be some withdrawal symptoms, there will be some thoughts which will come which still belong to that person’.

Just like when you shift into a new house; you still get some mail from the previous one [tenant]. So I have removed this one, and have given you this house to yourself…, but you will still get some mail for the previous tenant. So, don’t open that mail, don’t believe that mail, it’s not for You.

Then, how it is?

You say, I want to get rid of the person. I say ‘No, you come to satsang, I’ll get rid of it for you’. Then …, gone! Now?

Do you pay the bills for the previous one who used to live in your house?

Q: No.

A: So then, don’t pay this bill of suffering for that which does not exist.

So, the mail is coming, the next letter came, it’s saying ‘No, he’s just making it sound too easy. Actually, it’s not like that’. Now, are you going to believe that mail? Or are you going to believe me?

Q: Thank you so much, Father.

A: So welcome, my dear.

Once upon a time, [Laughs] not sure whether it was a million years ago or just this morning, I had this crazy idea that I had lost myself. And then I kept looking. I said ‘Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?’ because I was sure that I’d lost myself. [Laughs] And then I kept looking everywhere. I felt like something I will find.., in the lost and found of this world, I will find something which will be the ‘I’. I felt that some relationship will come which will make the ‘I’ out of me; it will complete me. I felt like some physical manifestation, some comfort, some security will come.

[Sudden increase in audio volume with reverb] And I felt that one day we’ll have good audio. [Laughs] I felt if I study really hard, if I get a lot of knowledge or if I’m truly devoted, I will find this ‘I’.

And I looked and I looked and I looked. And many objects came; many experiences came. Strong bliss came. Joy came. Also strong anger came, frustration came. Partners came. Money came. But in none of this I found the ‘I’. Because I had the idea that I lost the ‘I’ and I kept looking in all the wrong places.

And only when the Master appeared, did he say ‘Look at what you Already are. The Self is the only thing you cannot lose. Everything else is coming and going’.

And I recognized the truth of his words; that if I need to find ‘I’ where must I look? I must look for the ‘I’ that is looking.

And when I looked for the ‘I’ that was looking, I found nothing.

And then my Master said ‘This nothing is I’.

[Silence]

All that can be lost and found cannot be ‘I’.

All experiences which are coming and going cannot be ‘I’.

All states, all appearances, cannot be ‘I’.

And although there was some joy in this sense of ‘I’ looking for ‘I’ it does not compare with the recognition that I cannot be lost.

‘Who Am I?’ is not a trivial question.

Let it consume all that you believe about yourself.

Burn in the fire of this self-inquiry.

Allow it to burn all your suffering, all you concepts, all your questions;

All your past, all the future, all your discoveries and proclamations.

Look and see if there is a difference between what you find now and that which you believe yourself to be.

This moment of recognition is worth more than a million beliefs.

What is it that cannot be lost?

And that which cannot be lost, can it be found?

If concepts are taken to be the truth, it’s like believing that the garbage can is the altar.

If mental understanding is what you’re after, know that it’s as worthless, more worthless than chasing any materialistic desire.

You are the Eternal Self

…pretending to play as if you are a person.

…and sometimes pretending to be the Self.

Which object will convince you that you are That?

What are you looking for?

What will convince you that you are free?

Just like the space inside the box, and outside the box,

the same space that contains this entire manifest creation,

You are That which pervades this entire appearance.

Which report is this space giving?
What proclamation does this space have?

How can this space lose itself?

What does this space desire?

What is it running from?

Where is this so-called identity?

It dies. Every moment it is dead.

Who is it that lost itself?

And who is on the journey to find oneself?

Who is it that wants to use words to defend or to attack;

to convince or to impress?

Isn’t it time for a bigger game?

Are you not done playing that which is mortal, that is bound within time and space? Isn’t it time for a bigger game?

Are you not done representing that one which never existed? …, giving voice to this feeble insect? …, when you can speak as Presence Itself …, as Consciousness…, unadulterated by these meek ideas of personhood?

Isn’t it time for the bigger game? Aren’t we tired of giving power to this mind? …, this mind that convinces us that we are only this bundle of flesh and blood, only made up of the food we’ve eaten. Aren’t we tired of this pretense? Are you just that which you have consumed through your mouth? Or are you just that which comes as a voice that has no face; full of needs and desires, full of wants and dislikes?

Isn’t it obvious that you cannot be this bucket of bones and flesh, nor can you be just this energetic voice which comes and goes?

Aren’t we done with this play?

Isn’t it time for the bigger game?

The play of Presence…, the leela of creation and dissolution.

Drop this burden of ideas.

Stop searching for that which never was.

Find out That which always Is, right now.

Enjoy this play as God, as Being…, as Oneness.

Are we not tired of juggling both these voices?

The voice in our heads, and this voice of Presence.

You are the Supreme Lord. All is Your will.

You cannot complain. It is not your meek voice which says ‘I cannot leave this mind’. It is the mind itself.

Leave it now. Leave it! Stop pretending that it is meaningful.

God has no use for this personal voice.

Because God is done pretending to be a person.

Once upon a time, you also had this crazy idea that you lost yourself, and you must find It. You played this game.

But now, you are here; un-lose-able, un-find-able, invincible, incomprehensible You Are.

You are the unborn, the unbound, the un-conceived, the un-perceived, the Alpha and the Omega, the nothing and the Infinite.

[Long silence]

The arrogance of a person is weaker than a centipedes backbone; it has no power. Drop all allegiance to this one.

You are tired of running on this treadmill which has gone nowhere.

Where must you run to find the Self?

At what distance are you from your Self?

Rest now. You are done with this play.

Allow the restlessness to come and go; You rest.

Rest as That which you can never leave.

Rest without pretense.

Allow God to rest within You.

Allow Being to just Be.

Just Be without becoming.

Just remain as ‘I Am’.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

[Long silence with questioner]

A: There really is nothing.

Q: It’s transparent.

A: It’s transparent.

Q: What Sees, Father? What Sees?

A: That which is Seeing, this primal Seeing, is not a ‘What’. That is what the mind cannot come to terms with. And as you’re discovering that it is not a ‘What’. Because you’re saying that there is nothing here); this is the recognition. There is no-thing, and yet Seeing IS.

Q: Knowing, yeah?

A: Seeing, Knowing, Awareness…, whatever the term.

A: There is no Seer, there is no Knower; there is just this Seeing, the Knowingness.

Q: The one that wants to ‘figure out’ is just a voice.

A: Exactly.

The one that even wants to ‘figure out’ is just the voice that represents nobody.

[Silence]

Q: It’s only about openness, Father; complete acceptance of What Is, Right Now.

A: He says ‘It’s only about openness; complete acceptance of What Is’.

[Silence]

Q: I have one question, Father, about doership; the illusion of doership. A thought comes and then it is seen to be played out. So I’ll give you an example. In the morning, there was an important email that I had to send to work. I didn’t send it…, and I’m not the doer, right?

A: So, who didn’t send it?

Q: So, the not-sending was an appearance. Right?

A: Just as the sending would have been, the non-sending is also an appearance.

Q: Right. And it’s quite something.

A: It’s a good thing you don’t have a boss. [Chuckles]

Q: Yeah. [Laughs] So all this burden of life…, I did nothing to get here. I did nothing to get here.

A:  Who…, ‘I’?

Q: There was nothing done to get here, rather. Not ‘I’…, but there was nothing done to get here.

A: Nothing has ever been done, because there has been no ‘doer’.

Q: So, I don’t need any intelligence to live this life; there’s no intelligence required in this life.

A: I’m not police-ing this ‘I’…, I’m just…

Q: Yeah, yeah.

A: …I’m just wondering. You know why I’m looking at that, is because sometimes, this recognition and the words in satsang…, something tries to make a personal strategy out of it. It should not become that ‘Oh, I got the cheat code to life now. This is all I have to do: I don’t have to do anything’.

Q: No, I don’t mean it from that sense. I mean it from the sense that ‘All doership is false’. It’s just happening.

A: Yes. Like I was saying yesterday, we feel we are moving the hand but you don’t know how to move the hand; the mind doesn’t know how to move the hand. It doesn’t know how to fire the neurons, it doesn’t know what they are also.

Q: So, Who am I? [Laughs]

A: Yes. Who are you? So, if you’re not this, you’re not Krishna, then what else is here? Then Krishna is not here…

Q: I don’t know who I am. If I forget the words ‘freedom’ and the words ‘Awareness’ and the words ‘Consciousness’…, any word, Father…

A: Yes, forget, forget….

Q: … there is just This. [Silence] But nothing has been done to be here. When I take a flight, that is a complete appearance; but why do I know it now? [Laughs]

A: [Laughs] Would you rather not know it now also? ‘Why is it so apparent even when the actions are not happening? ‘Is that it?

Q: No, no. What I’m saying is that I’m taking a flight in two hours apparently, so why am I saying ‘I’m going to take a flight’? Where is that…, so that is what creates stickiness about it. And the reason why I am asking is about doership, Father, is that it’s the strongest; it’s what keeps this ‘me’ alive.

A: This is very good. So let’s look at this. ‘This doership is what keeps the ‘me’ alive. That’s why Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said there are only two ways. One is to surrender, which is to say ‘I am no longer the doer; it’s all You’ which then dissolves the ‘me’. Or to inquire into the nature of this ‘me’ and see that there is no ‘me’. So doership keeps the ‘me’ alive; therefore the two so-called methods, (which are ultimately one), have been prescribed. So, based on your temperament, you can have one or the other, or a bit of both.

Q: And the one that needs to understand all of this…, there is no need to understand.

A: Yes. There is no need to understand anything at all conceptually. So that is why this is not an understanding, that kind of understanding. This is more of a recognition.

Q: So that negates the mind, right? Because the mind is the only thing trying to understand this.

A: Yes.

Q: In this moment, other than the mind giving me a picture, there is no idea what will happen next. Right?

A: Exactly. Yes. There might not be a next moment at all.

Q: And the only thing is this ‘me’.

A: The only one that dies is the one that never existed in the first place. [Silence] The fantasy of the ‘me’ dissolves.
Q: Right, right. Only ‘me’ keeps you and I separate. You know?

A: Yes. Exactly. The illusory separation is only dependent on the idea of ‘me’.

Q: I don’t need to know who I am…, do I? I can never know, on one level.

A: ‘know’…, with a small ‘k’.

Q: Yes. It’s trippy, Father.

A: [Laughs] Yeah. It’s beyond any trip the mind can take.

Q: There has been so much fear to die. The whole life…, you just don’t want to die. You know? That’s the premise of life is that ‘Death shouldn’t happen to me’…, to that one that is not actually even alive.

A: Yes.

Q: I was very angry with you, Father, you know?

A: I know. You told me. But I have to be honest and say I just laughed.

Q: I know, I know, I know. [Look of love on his face and radiant smile] So did I, Father.

Q: So, the mind is not needed, at all.

A: At all.

Q: What has to happen, will happen. And what cannot happen, won’t happen. And I’m just watching it.

A: Yes.

Q: I have no idea what I’m saying, Father.

A: It’s very good. I’m enjoying very much.

Q: When it’s not sure, actually, when it’s not been clear what this voice is, there’s been no hearing of any voice, you know? Because I have no idea what to believe, what not to believe. It’s just giving so much that it’s best not to believe anything.

A: It’s funny that before I met Guruji, I used to work at Cisco. And there what happened is that we had this group of friends, we would talk about these things. So one day, one new one came. And one day, at 6:00 after work we’d say ‘Okay, let’s gather around; coffee’ and we’d talk about these things. So one day I just said…, (and someone new came)…, and I was saying something about the voice in your head not being true. And they were like ‘What?! You have a voice in your head? Did you get it checked out? You hear voices?’  [Big laughter in the room]

It was the voice itself which was saying this. But it feels so intimate before we start looking. We say ‘What voice in the head?’ The voice is saying ‘What voice in the head?’

Q: It’s like a magnetic pull to it; like a magnet that voice is just seductive.

A: Yes, so seductive. Okay, one more funny thing happened. Then in this group there was one boy, young boy. So he used to come every day and he was just enjoying, enjoying, enjoying. Then one day he just exploded: ‘What are you saying? All this stuff, all this ‘Who am I?’…, what’s the point? I have a safe target to get to and every day when I come in here…’ And then later, when something cooled off, he apologized and said ‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what…, I realized something. I was starting to feel attacked. I didn’t want that’. And he didn’t come back actually. That day was his last.

Q: We cannot resist what is appearing, because actually you can’t avoid it. It’s just there.

A: As long as you’re clear about who the ‘I’ is, then none of this can ever cause any trouble.

Q: This ‘I’ comes with a sensation, Father. This ‘me’ has this real kind of restrictive, constrictive quality and it’s more and more visible quite quickly as to who / what is speaking. I wouldn’t say that…, because it only brings negativity with it. It doesn’t bring anything positive.

A: …meaningful.

Q: The voice is always just about ‘me’. And that’s not a great feeling. All one can do is not hear the voice of the mind. That’s all that is possible.

A: Yes. And ‘not hear’ means ‘not believe’.

Q: Yeah. Not believe. Yeah. [Silence] It’s so funny; an insight from two hours ago is gone. It’s only about this … point.

A: Yes.

Q: [Long silence] Is this true, Father, that either there’s an object that is believed in…, or there’s just Knowing of that?

A: An object, per say, cannot be believed in. It is only the interpretation about an object. And then, what is the second part?

Q: Then, when perspective shifts, then there’s just awareness of that and whatever else.

A: And the sense of separation also, the subject/object separation, also dissolves. Because unless we are labeling …

A: That has not been the….

A: No, actually it is your experience. Just if you See anything, if there is no labeling, if you’re not buying the label about anything, it’s already one there. You can find no two. You find no distinction between the object and the Knowing of it.

Q: It’s good to be in the space of ‘I don’t know’ actually, because then there’s no concept that comes in that space actually. The minute I leave that space then some concept…

A: Right. Yes, mucky quicksand of the mind.

Q: Yeah. Even who I am, I don’t know. [Silence] …..I Am….. [Long silence] …..It’s just a sense of emptiness, and also there’s Awareness of that emptiness.

A: Yes.

[Silence]

This mind is so tricky. It will give you very beautiful ideas. The reality of You is already complete. It doesn’t need anything at all. Because even a beautiful idea, if we buy it…, ‘Something just wants to dissolve or fall’…, then something keeps saying ‘Yes, yes. Almost fallen, almost. Just have to take one last step’. Don’t fall for the idea that you have to fall. Don’t fall for any ideas. Don’t worry about what happens next.

As we are dropping these ideas, fear can come. And the message will come: ‘What’s going to happen now?’ Stay, stay. Don’t move. Let these ideas come and go. Then it might seem like even the body is shaking; so much fear sometimes it feels like. Or sometimes so much bliss can come. Don’t make any judgments about it, don’t go with any conclusions about it. Let all of this also come and go. Because your reality is not shaking. The truth is not moving. And if we did not have this power to pretend, the power to believe, then none of these appearance ever would seem to have any of this personal juice.

But you’re here because you’re done with the personal juice. Now you want the nectar of immortality, not this personal achievement.

But it feels to you that you don’t know how to drop this sense of personal achievement; therefore the sense of freedom also you want to achieve personally. That is not possible. The sense of freedom also you want to achieve personally, but that is not possible. It is the dissolution of this idea of personhood which is freedom.

And the best news is that there is no person. Right now, there is none. Who is clear that right now there is no person? Let’s see a show of hands. So, now, don’t go with anything that is personal. And what is personal? Only the voice of this mind.

The recognition that ‘There is no person, I am this Awareness’ is already here now.

Now all that is happening in the play is the dropping of all that is false, all our false beliefs. Now if you’re trying to get rid of the false, if you’re trying to lose weight, then don’t eat the hamburger thoughts. Losing the weight of conditioning, and continuing to feast on conditioning; that is not it.

There’s a restaurant in UK, (if I’m not wrong), where you just sit at your table and there’s a conveyor belt in front of you. You been there? So what happens is that all these tables are around this conveyor belt. Our habit has become so much to not just look, [but also to pick up]. So ‘giving our attention’ is looking at whatever is coming, and ‘giving it belief’ is taking it to eat it, to consume it. So our habit has been so much [like this]. And then you say ‘I want to lose weight, but I’m not going to stop until the conveyor belt stops. So how do I lose weight?’ And I say ‘You can’t stop looking, because you’re too curious right now, so you look; but at least you can avoid the taking and the eating’. Then you say ‘No, I want to lose weight, but I want to continue to eat’. Then I say ‘Then enjoy the play; enjoy the food at least’.

So, a thought comes with some temptation. On this conveyor belt a very fancy dish comes; so attention goes. You’re looking, it’s passing by, almost gone; you pick it up, you eat it up. Then the next thought, the next dish, that comes on the conveyor belt is what? ‘You shouldn’t have done that!’[Laughs] And you’re looking at that, and you’re too quick to pick up that one, and then next ‘dish’ on the conveyor belt is what? ‘See, now you’re stuck in this’. And you pick up that. The chef is very smart. This is how we seem to just keep ‘putting on weight’.

Many of us seem to keep putting on a lot of spiritual weight also, with spiritual concepts, spiritual ideas. We’re consuming concepts; so many, so many; ideas, ideas.

~ ~ ~

[Questioner comes so talk ends]

Q: Father, there’s something over here which almost wants to throw a huge tantrum.

A: We have a club for that. [Laughter]

Q: It’s as if something feels like is not getting its way and it wants to scream and shout and…, it’s not a bad thing, there’s a feeling that it’s not a bad thing but the thing that’s coming up seems so…, seems so like strong and it just wants to like…, when your eyes were closed, I just wanted to scream and say like ‘Father open your eyes. I need to come up’. I don’t know what’s happening, Father. I just don’t have like…,

A: Let’s go slowly. Something wants to throw a tantrum, okay. Now what else is there? Is that the only thing? Or something else is also there? Is there this ‘something’ and there is a You? Or is there just this something that is You?

Q: No, Father there is ‘something’ and there is Me.

A: Yes, now why you want to report on that something?

Q: Just I think because…,

A: [Laughter] If it is not You, then you’re just watching it. And if that thing wants to throw a tantrum, it will, I know.., [Laughter] and you will watch that also. Okay, throw the tantrum. Let’s see what it sounds like. Now what is the major complaint?

[Both laugh]

Q: I don’t know, Father. It feels like I can’t function. Father, I can’t function in day to day life. It’s really intense and the kids they’ve been both like…, I’ve been so short tempered with them because I am supposed to perform these duties as a mother and I’m just…, I have no, no energy to do it and I’m…, there’s something, I’m pushing myself to do it. And I’m trying to inquire ‘Who is this I who is pushing? Who is pushing who to do it?’ and I can’t…  What’s happening, Father? I feel like I’m non-functional.

A: But even now the functioning is happening, no?

Q: Yes, Father, to come for satsang then all the functioning is happening!

[Laughter]

A: That’s the tantrum.

Q: No, like half an hour before satsang, (because I needed to come to satsang), I’m like spending quality time with the kids and getting them ready to go to the park and suddenly the whole rush of energy has come in. But otherwise it’s just like…, I feel like I’m some…, uh, I don’t know. I just feel like, I don’t know Father, I just feel like complaining.

[Laughter]

A: I remember one time, maybe more than a year ago, one of the sangha members, she had two or three of her family members in the hospital and lots of things were happening at the same time. So she was tending to this one, tending to that one, and some were really serious in the ICU or something was happening. And I called her up, (she was in Australia at that time), so I spoke to her and she said ‘I don’t know’ (or something like this, I’m paraphrasing a bit because I don’t remember accurately but she said something like…) ‘There’s this to do and there’s this to do and there’s this to do and my body here feels so completely exhausted that I don’t have the energy to move a muscle, to move an inch’.  And I saw that the response that came from here was that ‘Whatever is really required to be done, the energy for that will also come’.

So what happened over there is that I spoke to her or she sent me a message the next day saying exactly that, that whatever really had to be done, the energy arose; it came up for that and the body moved, everything just happened. You see?

The thing is that the mind comes and it says ‘But see, you don’t have the energy for this also, you’re not taking good care of the kids also, you’re not doing a good job at work also’. Yes, so all of these complaints the mind is having actually, because mind is trying to make the pretend person out of you again. And it’s saying that ‘If you leave it up to This that is just here, this Consciousness, this Being, then it’s not going to move; you’re going to be a terrible mother’.

But how do you know these things? Maybe your one instant of your being around them without carrying the sense of personhood would be better than ten lifetimes of you being a wonderful mother. How does the mind know any of this?

So don’t go on these just small, small things. And I can tell you that there is no greater mother to have than to have a mother who is not a person at all; who is not pretending to be a person at all. What a great blessing and a great gift it is for the kids. So this is what I see; that the kids are actually being blessed because there mother is in satsang with openness and recognizing who she is. Although what does the mind say? ‘Oh look, now because you come to satsang, look at this! You are not taking care of the kids’. It’s all rubbish. It’s the same mind that makes brother fight his brother about lines in the sand ‘This is my country, this is…’

Q: I don’t feel like playing with them or doing any activities or anything. So I feel like the mind is saying I don’t spend any quality time with them anymore.

A: Yes so that’s what I’m saying; what would be the best quality time? The best quality time for anyone in this appearance in this realm would be to come to the Darshan of God, to come into the Presence of God. So as we are removing the person out of the picture then the unfiltered, unadulterated Presence of God is here.

Don’t go with your minds report card. If you fall into that trap again it will sell you all these stories. It’s not about activity, activity, activity all the time; that is just fed to us culturally.

There is no higher quality than to be in the Presence of those who have dropped the idea of being a person.

Then you will find not just your kids are calling you mother, people from all over the world are calling you Mother. [Laughter] How it happened here? There was no plan to be called Father. You see I have two kids also, there was no plan that I’ll have, you know, so many from all over the world who called me Father. You know I didn’t do that. They must be finding some quality time, you see. [Laughter]

So it is not about that, because the, the mind can come like this and tell us that ‘Don’t share satsang, do it just once a month’ or something like this. ‘You have kids, you have responsibilities, you have other employees who rely on you’. All these stories of the mind; if you keep buying them, it is the same old person idea.

So we are astronauts, what is our discovery? Which space, which realm are we discovering? This realm of Seeing. What happens when we drop these ideas of individuality, of identity? It’s a worthwhile endeavor. In any case, in a few years if your kids have some real complaints they can come to the hangout and tell me ‘Because of you, this is what happened’.

Q: Just the mind trying to…

A: Yes. But now you must not fall for some special mind trick. Don’t fall for the same old, same old ones. Hm? Let’s not fall for the same old April Fool’s Day trick. Let it be a little creative, let it come up with something innovative, let it do some hard work. ‘You’re not being a good mother. What about work?’ All this we’ve looked at. It’s okay, the same old stuff. Now what else does it have?

Q: Just this mother thing and this work thing I put on the ‘Heart Altar’ [a sharing group], before the mind snowballed into something big. I wanted to, I was just checking myself at the right time, not letting it..,

A: It’s very good. It’s very good to do this. No need for any fear from the mind also.

Q: There doesn’t seem to be any fear, it just seems to be…, this lethargy and no energy to do anything; some work related. But just wanted to put it out, Father. Just didn’t want to carry it forward anymore because the mind, the thoughts, have been the mosquito, like you said. But I just wanted to, didn’t want it to bend on itself.

A: Very good. Can we all agree today there’s, maybe a few of us who are listening), can we all agree that if we are to look at this concept of work and there was a doer here who could do some work, then what is the best work that this doer could be doing in this realm?

Is it the making of money which is the best work? Getting more plastic and more metal and paper? What could be the best work, if there was a doer? If all of us were doers and we say ‘Okay, now we are going to do the best work!’ What would the best work be?

Q: What we are doing just now.

A: Exactly. According to the mind, this the worst work, is being lazy and wasting our life. ‘What are we doing? What is the point of it anyway?’ That’s the minds voice. What is it going to give you?

Q: Nothing, Father, nothing. The mind can give nothing. Only trouble. Thank you, Father.

A: Thank you, my dear.

Q: Yes, so I wanted to ask you if you could say something about following your heart in the moment? And when I asked you about the pitfalls; I mean the sense of doership that could come with that, or any concept that could come with that following your heart moment, if you could say something about that?

Yes. First it is important to understand what we mean by Heart. And you understand this. But for most of humanity in this world which we come across…, when most appear to say ‘I follow my heart, I’m not such a mind person, I’m a heart person’ they’re usually referring to some sort of an emotional center, you see? They’re referring to ‘This is what I feel like doing, therefore I’m doing it’. That is what we mean by ‘Following The Heart’.

Now as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] used the word Heart, we are talking about the following the sense of Being itself, the Presence itself. So what does it mean? We are following the intuitive voice which is the voice of Being itself.

So just so that everybody is clear about what we are saying; It is seen in this realm that we have access to two apparent voices. One is the obvious one, which is the voice of the mind, which is saying ‘What’s in it for me, me, me, me, me?’ Everything is about the ‘me, me me’. You see? And this one now starts to seem a bit smelly after you come to satsang. This one is always wanting something, is always wanting to be special when compared to our brothers and sisters, always wanting something for this for this non-existent ‘me’. So it smells needy, it smells like it wants; like it’s grasping for something.

Now as we leave our allegiance to this voice, and there is this sense that ‘Come what may, I am not going with what the mind is telling me’…, although this declaration might be a belief and has to drop off ultimately…, then we find that either there is just complete silence; and yet activities and actions seem to unfold on their own; and then it is seen that it is this Being itself that is moving all of these appearances within Itself, and then everything just becomes one beautiful unfolding. Or it can seem like there’s a more loving, more spacious, more beautiful voice which becomes available to us. And it can be experienced in different ways, either as an audio voice which is heard or some sense of visual guidance can come. But you can smell the difference between the mental voice and This voice, mostly because of the presence of love. But also because of the presence of not rushing; very spacious, infinitely patient. This is the voice that we can trust.

But as we are getting used to trusting this voice, (now we are getting to the pitfalls part), the mind can come and pose as if it is this voice. You see? Mind can come and pose as if it is your intuitive Presence itself. But you will be able to smell for it. And if there’s even a bit of doubt that ‘Is this coming from my Heart? Or is this just the same old mind pretending to be the Heart?’…, then drop whatever it is saying. Because the Heart is not in a rush and it does not mind. You see? If it is, (and in the dropping of it you will realize the mind will resist), if the mind is resisting then you know it was a mental voice anyway.

So it’s sounding like a bit of work as I am saying it but actually you will find it is very natural. So like this, when it is not clear where the voice is coming from ‘Is it still personal or is it intuitive guidance?’ then don’t listen to that voice, don’t believe even this voice.

Then you will find that in this voice, there is no inclination to try and use it for some sort of personal benefit, or try to fix some life situation using our intuition; or something like that. And then you will see that it seems like the only purpose of this voice appearing here is for it to shine the Presence on all those who come into your Presence, shine the words in this way, to point all those who come to you to the Truth of what they are.

And then what you find is all the so called ‘day to day stuff’ is just unfolding on its own, without believing the mental voice. And the sharing, or the pointing of the Truth, is the using of this voice, is the using of this body by this voice.

Q: How do I live in the world, in this half-dazed mood? And I’m asking for some confirmation…, I don’t know of what.

A: In the questions that you’ve asked in satsang it becomes apparent that the sense of ‘How I will live my life?’ or ‘How I am going to manage myself in the world with my clients, with my friends, with my relationships?’…, all of this has been given a lot of belief in the past. So now as we are coming to the recognition that You don’t exist in this way; you have never really lived your life, the one who has been saying ‘I live my life this way’, never really existed.

As we are coming to this recognition then some of these fears are bound to come, it is very natural for them to come. In these cases we can say ‘Let’s stand our ground and let’s see how it unfolds’. Because actually it has always been just been a beautiful unfolding. There has been no Lucia who has been living her life. Now there can be a subtle sense that Lucia is coming to the recognition of who she is, but even this is not true. It is not Lucia; in fact it is seen that Lucia is just a label for Nothing. The fear can be ‘Now how can Lucia live her life now?’ She never was.

Q: [Laughter] Mm.

A: Life has been living itself, or we can say God has been living life, or Life has been living Itself, or as my Master [Mooji] says ‘Existence takes care of existence’. But I understand what you are asking because there can seem to be this period of transition between you seemingly personally living your life to this handover to God or Being or Consciousness; whatever term we want to use. And it doesn’t go. It hardly ever goes, [inaudible], because the mind will take on even this idea and say ‘Now, see? I am handing it over to God; therefore it should go in this particular way’. But it doesn’t.

And as we find that no matter how this life seems to be unfolding, the Truth of what I Am, the untouched, unconcerned, unchanging reality of what I Am, is unaffected by the circumstances of this life. Then that is true Freedom because true Freedom cannot be an insistence that ‘My life should only be good according to my mind’. True Freedom cannot be the insistence that ‘My life should be only in this particular way which mind is defining for me’. True Freedom must be that which allows everything to show up in the appearance as and when it wants to. And as I say this, if some fear comes that is also very good because it shows us that to which we are still attached. You see?

Q: There is a lot of fear.

A: So when we look at the messaging behind the fear, the interpretation behind the fear, it points us to our attachments; which is also a great gift because we can inquire into these attachments and ask ‘Whose are these? Who is attached to these?’ And these attachments also lose their power.

So just like in the past every appearance was taken personally or most appearances were taken personally and used to reinforce the idea of personhood, now because the urge is for this Freedom all these appearances are now opportunities for Self-inquiry. Just like ‘A Course in Miracles’ would say ‘Just another forgiveness opportunity’.

And what is the true meaning of forgiveness? It is not ‘Oh, I forgive you’. It is not that. Forgiveness is just this simple allowing of all things to come and go without holding a grievance, without holding resentment. This is openness. Openness to being vulnerable as well, to feeling this fear. Only when we allow it to be experienced completely will we become open to it.

Q: What’s the best question to ask when this fear arises?

A: Was your question? ‘What is the best question to ask when this fear arises?’

Q: Yes. So the fear is here, I am experiencing the fear and if I experience it at other times outside of satsang, what would be the best question to inquire into?

A: Yes. So now if it is just an energetic sensation of fear…,

Q: Yeah, it’s a strong energetic, a strong energetic sensation in around my heart and third chakra.

A: Yes. So if this energetic sensation of fear is there then the best question to ask is ‘Who is suffering from this fear?’

Q: Okay.

A: ‘Who is the suffer-er of this?’ And you will find that although there is a tasting and an experiencing of this fear, there is nothing in reality which is really suffering from it, there is nobody in reality that is really suffering from it. And therefore when we see that it is just another experience then that becomes Openness. And all sensations, as we are open to them, they are quicker to dissolve than if we are resisting them.

Q: When you asked ‘Who is suffering this fear?’ the immediate answer was ‘Nobody’.

A: Yes, but was this answer a conceptual answer or was it seen that it was Nobody?

Q: It was…,

A: Was it just a thought?

Q: An experience…, well, no, it was a Knowing.

A: Yes.

Q: There was something that said ‘Nothing is experiencing this’.

A: Very good. So rest in this Knowing. That which Knows this fear, that which Knows even this fear, is That also fearful?

Q: No, it’s not fearful. Then there is a thought ‘Then who the heck is experiencing the fear?’

A: There is only one experiencer which is Being or Consciousness itself. You see? But it is not suffering from its experiencing.

Q: Mm, oh, so it’s feeling it but it’s not suffering from it at the same time?

A: Yes, yes. That is why this example I’ve been using the last few days about paying for fear…,

Q: Yeah.

A: You see, if it was only suffering that came with fear then why would we ever pay for a horror movie? So it’s just another experience. The interpreter comes and says ‘But this should not be here’. But to argue with what is here, what is that…?… (Shiv is here so he can remind me what Byron Katie says)…, ‘If you argue with this seeming…’

Q: Argue with a limitation?

Shiv: You want me to say this, Father?

A: Yes, yes, yes.

Shiv: “If you argue with reality you lose, but only one hundred percent of the time.”

A: So when she uses the term ‘reality’ it’s obviously different from how we define reality but what she is saying that when we argue, (which is the mind conflicting with what is a phenomenal appearance), then mind cannot win because the fear is there no matter how much it thinks it should not be. Actually it only energizes it more and more.

So, the presumption is that we start now as if we are bound. The presumption, which is a mental presumption, is that we start bound and we must get to freedom. But what do we find really? We find really that now there is no bondage. Isn’t it? The mind might be taking some sensation and some life circumstance and telling you ‘But see? That is bondage. It’s here now’. So, what I mean is that right now You are not bound. That which is Here is unbound.

But you have the power to pretend to be bound. Even to tell me how you are bound, you will first have to think about it. No? So, if you don’t think about it, then what is your direct experience of what is here?

So in the direct experience of what is here, prior to any concept, if there is no trouble, then why do you want to pick up trouble?

And when we come to this place of clarity, then no concept is in service to you. Some of us are trying to complete our conceptual understanding of the Truth. But satsang is not for that. There are many books we can read. Actually if you want a conceptual framework, you don’t even have to read so many books. The trouble is that the seeming-outward movement, including the seeming-outward movement of mental understanding, does not lead to contentment; or at best it leads to some momentary sense of satisfaction. ‘Oh, I understood it, finally’. Something like this can come.

Just like we saw yesterday, we’ve been finding, finding, finding, going, going, going, to find that which must be already here…, otherwise it is worthless. If the Self was not Here, what value would it have? Just another appearance which is coming and going? If it was found just as another object…, ‘I found the Self’…, then who is the subject of even that? Who are You who found it? You see? So if the sense ‘I found it’ is there, then also the sense of ‘I lost it’ can come.

[Silence]

The true finding is that ‘I didn’t find anything at all. I just recognized that it was always Here’. That is why it’s not a finding of the Self, but a recognition of That which always was.

[Silence]

And I’m starting to realize more and more that, for many in the sangha, it is the fear of this openness of ‘What Is’. The fear of this nakedness that makes us want to run back to the ‘fig leaf’ of these concepts.

It is too pristine for the mind, It is too innocent…, although none of these terms really apply to It.

[Guided inquiry]:

Right now, stay still. And recognize what is here.

Don’t verbalize what is here; just recognize what is here.

[Silence]

And if the recognition seems to be that something phenomenal is here, then don’t stop there. Find out if that which is aware of this phenomena is also phenomenal. Does it have a shape, size, form, color?

[Silence]

Don’t run to any concept. Don’t be scared.

Allow all sensations to come.

[Silence]

Continue to allow everything to come, and to go.

Notice how Awareness remains untouched.

[Silence]

And remain still.

Don’t go to any idea, any concept.

Let them all come and go.

[Silence]

Notice how you are not here as some ‘thing’ and that all things are appearing to you.

[Silence]

Notice how you are not here as somebody, and the sensations of this body are also appearances for You.

[Silence]

Don’t pick up any ideas. Simply allow everything to come and go.

[Silence]

Who are You?

[Silence]

Are You a thing?

[Silence]

Who is aware of all things?

[Silence]

What does this Awareness look like?

[Silence]

Just stay with your recognition…, and not with any concept about it.

[Silence]

How do you know that Awareness is here?

[Silence]

How do you know that you are aware?

[Silence]

What does this Awareness look like?

[Silence]

Who are you?
What are your attributes?

What is your color?

What is your size and shape?

Just look…

[Silence]

Look at the one that is looking.

What does that look like?

[Silence]

Allow all things to come and go.

[Silence]

Who is aware of all that you are perceiving?

[Silence]

YOU are aware of all that you are perceiving…,

But what does this ‘You’ look like?

What is your weight?

[Silence]

That which we call the world is only a series of experiences, of energetic movements.

Is any experience outside of you?

[Silence]

Who is aware of this space in which all experiences are happening?

[Silence]

Notice that no concept can define what You are.

[Silence]

As we come to the end of this contemplation, notice your tendency to go shopping in the world of concepts again. No concepts are needed.

[Silence]

Allow all ideas to come and go, but you remain empty of them.

[Silence]

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

If there were two, one that is Eternal and permanent, and one that was coming and going, then what is the one that is coming and going also be?

Can it be something other than that which is Eternal? The Eternal is the unchanging. From the perspective of this Eternity, nothing happened.

Therefore, as long as this realm of qualities still seems real to us, we use terms like ‘appearance’. And once it is seen that this realm of qualities is nothing at all, then we see that there is no difference between sleep state and waking state to That which I truly Am. Then even in the realm of qualities we can say that there is no realm of qualities.

But as long as it remains, the sense that ‘I’ wake up and ‘I’ go to sleep…, this ‘I Am-ness’…, as long as this ‘I Am-ness’ continues to feel like it is ‘I’ then it is best to not attach any attributes to this ‘I Am-ness’.

And then even this glorious and magnificent ‘I Am-ness’, the primordial One, opens a door to the discovery to That which is even before ‘I Am’.

That Seeing, which is prior to phenomenal perceiving, prior to the sense of sight, prior to the sense of seeing with the Seeing; that Knowing, which is prior to this conceptual knowledge, prior to all ideas, prior even to the primal idea ‘I Am’…, That to which nothing has ever happened…, That is what You always are, and will remain.

This pristine recognition. All the effort in the world is not helpful for this recognition. All the thinking and scriptures of the world will not help this recognition. All the talk about it will not be It. Because it is much simpler than any of that; prior to the concept of simple, it is.

Q: It does get recognized the moment some satsang was on, or the moment there is a silence or the moment that even for a fraction of a second it is being looked upon. But then I just felt like exposing it, because it could be the mind that’s coming in between, and ‘Oh’…, out of memory,  just bring it in; or stopping in between not to have a continuous inquiry. So I felt in my heart to bring it to your feet so that whatever it is, I don’t know. And there is no feeling to keep it or get rid of it; but there is a feeling to expose it.

A: Very good, very good. And I’m also happy that this openness, this integrity is there.

When you spot that something that…, it doesn’t seem like much but if something still is there which seems to get your belief, you’re open enough to bring it to satsang, open enough to expose it in this way. As long as this openness is there, then nothing sticky will stick on.

Shiv was asking about one of the pitfalls; some of the pitfalls. One of the biggest pitfalls is that we start feeling like we are now too special or too cool to bring up things in satsang, or we are so Advaita now that nothing ever happens to us. You see? Then that is one of the pitfalls.

You will find that as long as this realm continues, there will be moments of belief. Now, they will become more and more negligible, you see? But we don’t need to pre-empt that.

You must always remain open to sharing with integrity, then we are not getting stuck in a mental trap of specialness or arrogance.

This is all a play. It’s ‘Much ado about nothing’. That’s true at so many levels. Much ado about nothing. And yet, until it is truly seen to be nothing, and it still is felt as if it is something, then there must not be a denial of this.

No movement is needed, no effort is required for the recognition of the truth. In fact, mostly that effort is a distraction which is appearing within the truth. Therefore really ‘Be quiet’ must mean ‘Be still and see what you are’. If there is a feeling that ‘Some movement will get me there’ then you’ll see that you will be disappointed. The recognition is not about attention moving outwards or any phenomenal activity, through the body or through our senses.

The recognition is just about checking ‘What is here now?’

And upon checking, we can only have a few answers actually.

Who can say what really is here now?

And then we can check ‘Who is witnessing even this body?’

Or we can say that ‘Some thought is here, or some feeling is here’.

Who witnesses even that?

Or we can say that ‘My experience is that my Presence ‘I Am’ is here’.

Who witnesses even that?

Or you might say ‘Just the Witness is here’.

And for that, just to point: ‘Is it? … Is the Witness here?’

Is the Witness here? So, we find that in exploring this we cannot even say ‘Witness’ actually. At best we can say ‘Witnessing’…, ‘Awareness’.

Now some of you might say that ‘Nothing is here’. This is also true. Because no-thing is here; no person is here, no entity is here and it is seen that all that is appearing also is just another appearance. This must be our direct experience.

There is nobody to experience this; and yet the experiencing of it cannot be denied.

There is nobody to know this; yet the Knowingness cannot be denied.

And this can become confusing for most, because it might seem like ‘How can there be a Knowingness without somebody who knows that Knowingness?’

It is because this Knowingness Itself is the reality of what I Am…, prior to playing the role of becoming somebody. Prior to the concept of somebody and nobody, there is just this Awareness, this Knowingness.

So, when you look and check, what is it that you find?

What is here now?

And what is your relationship with that which is here?

Are you also an appearance?

We say ‘Everything is an appearance’…, are you also appearing in this appearance?

Or is everything appearing and disappearing in relation to You…, which is the eternal and unborn?

And if you are an appearance, then this appearance is for who?

Who is the appearance appearing to?

Appearance for who?

This body is appearing to who?

Feelings are appearing to who?

Thoughts are appearing to who?

That, to which everything is appearing…, is that also a thing?

That, to which everything is appearing…, is that also a thing?

Therefore everything must be appearing to that No-thing.

Who is that which is aware of your body, your thoughts, your emotions…, even your Presence?

That which is aware of all of this…, is it at some distance from you?

And if it is at no distance from you, then where do you have to go to find it?

This is ‘Much ado about nothing’: ‘I’m walking to find that which is at no distance from me’.

Where will we go? And we have tried going and going and going. Have we found something? So much ‘going’. Seeking is what?… going …, going…, going. Have we found something? Did we find anything? Good, bad, spiritual good experiences, bad experiences; but is that it? So then if you’re done with trying to go somewhere and finding it, then try it my way, which is just to stay and see what is here already.

And what value would it be if it is somewhere else anyway; if it is not here? All our life is has not been here…, finding, finding. Then what’s the point? [Laughs] One day if we discover it lying on the road, like a diamond. ‘Oh, the Self! Where were you all this time when I needed you?’

This is the magic show of the mind, it gives us these ideas. ‘When you find the Self, then you will only have bliss’. To your mind, it’s a game; the magic lamp. First wish…, bliss.

If it cannot be here now, then there is no point to it. Because if it is something which comes and goes, there is no point to it and this is just more suffering. We will be happy when it comes; when it goes, then we will suffer.

So if you’re done with the finding, with the going, with all our stories about freedom, then we see ‘I am just Here. All this time, I have always been That’.

What is it that you have always been? … irrespective of the state; waking state or sleep state, dream state? You say ‘My sleep, my dream, my waking’. Whose?  Is it possible to find this ‘I’?

I actually got a very good idea the other day from Amba, and she said that ‘What if everyone that comes into satsang could get 3 questions; just 3 questions’. And we were just joking and saying ‘The first time you come into satsang you’ll be given these 3, (like, you know), monopoly cards. And you can just use 1, 2, 3’. And I feel like 3 is more than enough actually. In reality, of course, it’s all one question actually; but even in the phenomenal play, 3 should be more than enough. And then maybe what can happen is that I can ask you…, after you ask 3 questions, (totally, ever), then maybe I can ask you either to come up and ask…, if I feel like there’s a question there; or to just come up and share from what your direct experience is.

Of course, the movement from here has never been to make anything rigid or strong or something like this, but I feel it’s a very beautiful contemplation also just to see: ‘What are all these questions about?’ ‘If I had not 3 but just one question, would that not be enough?’ ‘What is it that I really need to ask now?

Actually there are only 3 things that ever seem to get expressed from here:

The falseness of the person idea.

The recognition of Your God Presence or the Presence of Being, I Am.

And ultimately, the recognition of the Absolute Truth of What You Are as this Awareness Itself.

That’s really all that we are talking about, isn’t it?

And actually sometimes we say that ‘Let’s not ask any personal questions’…, but actually all questions are personal. If you were to truly take the person out of it, out of the equation…, that which you refer to with a name…, if you were to take that out of the equation, then what is left?

If you were a new-born baby…, you had no reference or name to refer to yourself as, you did not understand anything conceptually about what is going on…, yet the experience of life was fully experienced.

In every ‘right now’ the story is over. In this moment now, the story is gone. Before you can think about it, is the story gone, or no? Gone? That’s it.

‘Before you can think about it’…, what does it mean? Not the appearance of the thought, but the identification with the thought, the belief in the thought.

Even if something is being experienced energetically in the body, some sensations are coming in the body, even that does not add to the story unless you think about it.

Therefore I don’t want to leave you with even the best story. Because all stories are personal. No story, no conditioning can survive this moment…, and actually, this moment. No story can ever be true anyway. Because you cannot find the one that any story is about.

Nothing has ever happened to You; and nothing will ever happen to You. For something to happen to you, you have to be something. Something cannot happen to no-thing. And right now, You are no-thing. Stop pretending to be some-thing.

Right now, it is done! Now. Not then. Now…, Now…, Now…

Where is the past? Where is it? Hmmm? The future? Who will experience it?

What needs no thought? What needs no ideas? Only concepts need more concepts. Are you a concept? Only concepts need more concepts. Are you a concept?

There was a concept of me, but it is seen that that concept of me is not Me.

There is only One Immaculate Conception. That is the Conception of Being. All other ideas are just conceptual. Nothing else ever took birth. And Being has no story. The concepts of ‘person’ have no reality…, nor do the concepts of ‘being the body’.

As you are coming to your concept-free reality, only those concepts are useful which are removing other concepts, and will ultimately remove themselves as well.

So if the ‘me’ is just a concept, and right now you are free from these concepts, and you’re refusing to buy any more concepts, can it be as simple as this?

The ‘me’ is just a concept…, in every now. And if we refuse to buy any more concepts…, if you refuse to buy any more concepts…, if you refuse to buy the next concept…, is there anything personal left?

This realm of experiencing continues, the sense of Being continues, and That which is aware even of this Being continues. There’s nothing personal about any of this.

Don’t buy any concepts, even about not buying any concepts. Because the reporter, the checker guy, will come and say ‘Oh, it’s like this; it’s like that’. Nothing can force you to buy. As my Master says ‘The thief will not put his hand in your pocket’. It cannot. You have to take out your belief.

And you can use these as opportunities to inquire.

Many times it can be…, that beautiful space of Love and Peace and Joy comes, and some old identities and ideas and patterns come quickly to seemingly-disrupt that. But we must not look at it as a disruption.

All that is real, all that is true, is here…, un-reliant on any idea, on any interpretation. It does not need a thought.

And it’s so regular, what I’m saying here. Because you Know already: What You Are does not need a thought.

You Are. Before that…, and after that. Isn’t it? You’re Here.

A thought is coming and going; You Are Here.

A sensation is coming and going: You Are Here.

And in your experience, this body is also coming and going…, these states of waking, dream and sleep are coming and going: You Are Here.

‘Here’ is coming and going: but You Are.

The sense of space and time is coming and going: but You Are.

You Know this. But not mentally. It’s simpler than what the mind can know.

Who is a thought appearing to? To That which is Here.

Who is a sensation appearing to? That which is Here.

Do you need to do something to get to That?

That which is Here, are you making some effort to keep that up?
Yes or no?

That which is Here… is just Here.

You’re saying ‘My thoughts are coming and going, and they’re saying this’. To whom are they appearing? ‘My feelings have become like this; they’re good or bad’. For whom are they? What is happening to That One?

So, the seeming prolongation of the spiritual journey… is nothing but our stubborn resistance, stubborn insistence…….., that ‘I want to believe myself to be that which I cannot find; ….. and I refuse to drop that idea,…. and [refuse to] just stay…… in the non-conceptual reality of That ……..which is already This’.

(I think you’ll have to read that to make sense of what … [Laughs] Let’s see if it comes out more simply next time.)

Just a stubborn insistence that ‘I must be that which I cannot find’ and the refusal to see That which You already Are.

[Silence]

Our pride, our humility, our guilt, remorse, regret, is not ours at all. It is only our insistence that ‘I must be something which does not exist’.

Our proclamation of freedom…, our despondency of not finding freedom…, neither of them are really Ours, because this one just does not exist.

[Silence]

Oh, Amaya has typed it out. Thank you, my dear. It was:

“The seeming prolongation of the spiritual journey… is nothing but our stubborn resistance, stubborn insistence…….., that ‘I want to believe myself to be that which I cannot find; ….. and I refuse to drop that idea,…. and [refuse to] just stay…… in the non-conceptual reality of That ……..which is already This’.”

The insistence on the false is the refusal actually. The insistence upon the false is the refusal of the Truth. It’s not really two steps. So if you refuse to represent that which does not exist…,

The freshness, the wonder, the silence, the beauty of the Now can seem like it is too much. And something wants to cling to the concept of it, rather than just be open to it. This must be the real meaning of ‘Keep quiet’…, to not rush to the concept of it, but to just stay with it…, as It.

Sometimes fear can come, and that’s okay; because that which comes also goes. Just when you’re getting some insights, some fear can come. And at these times, don’t be in a rush to even cling to the most glorious-sounding spiritual concepts.

And then you’ll see that there is nothing to fear. The fear of becoming nothing is like the fear of death. Once you see that ‘There is nothing that can die, I was never something in the first place’…, then you see that this is so natural.

And yet sometimes, when this fear comes, it can feel like I’m dying. And the mind offers up a solution. The solution is what? Either ‘You stop all this. Stop all this!’ Or it gives you a very glorious-sounding spiritual concept: ‘You saw this truth; now what else is there? Stop. Stop’. Basically it is saying ‘Stop’. Stick or carrot, either way.

You’re coming to terms with your own immensity. Your own magnificence is scaring you actually. And you’re experiencing it Now. Taste the moment. Taste this moment. Don’t be scared of it. You’re here to taste this Now-ness, Here-ness. Don’t be nervous to define it. Allow it. Allow everything.

Yes. [silently read a question in chat] So once you see that everything is happening on its own accord then you see that there is no separate or individual ‘I’ at all. Once it is known, once it is seen, that all is just a movement of Consciousness itself, then we don’t need any instruction also. Because all instructions are also for a seeming-student, supposedly given by a seeming-teacher. But once it is seen that all is Consciousness…, all that is playing is Consciousness, and it is seen like this…, then even the pointings that you hear from the teacher can be kept aside.

~[Almost an hour of silence; with periods of silent darshan, open eyes, radiant Love]~

As we leave satsang today, today I want something from all of you: Leave your favorite story also here.

[Silence]

Thank you all so very much for being in satsang today. Satguru Sri Moojiji ki Jai !

What can happen is that we start letting go, dropping our belief in some thoughts. And those which are seemingly meaningful to us, those we still pick up. And they could be the spiritual ones now; the glorious-seeming ones. Those could be picked up. Now the thoughts could also change. It could feel like the mind is now changing and it has become very spiritual actually. It’s giving you very scriptural words and thoughts are much more well-dressed. Don’t buy them. Because if you buy this one also, it is with the presumption that ‘I have become a very spiritual person’ or ‘I have become a very special person now because I know this, which is a super-glorious thing to know’. It is of no value actually.

No value actually, why? Because suppose the thought is ‘I am That’ or ‘I am Awareness’…, if it is just a thought and not really a pointer to the real looking or the real checking, if you’re saying that ‘I’m Awareness. I know this. I don’t need to check anymore’ then it just becomes a concept. And when life comes with its seemingly-strong situations, when the mind is blasting about various things, and what could happen to you and what your life will become, then you insert one more dichotomy into it. So the mind is saying ‘You’re in big trouble’…, ‘Oh, I am Awareness’…, ‘You’re in big trouble’…, Oh, I am Awareness’. [Chuckles] It’s worse suffering than even believing the thought ‘You’re in big trouble’.

No, it’s true. [Chuckles] Although it sounds funny, the thing is such great dichotomy happens that it seems like your suffering can actually intensify…, when we try to counter one thought with another thought. And this is from my own experience. I remember when I used to know all of these things, and I felt like I knew everything. And then when suffering came, my business was going down the drain, there were fights at home, all of this was happening…, none of these concepts were really helping AT ALL, in fact they were making it worse. ‘If I am That, then what is it that is feeling the pain; what is suffering?’ So it was just becoming worse because of this. And ultimately, even that is grace. Because that is when the conceptual framework is seen to be completely useless, you see? Unless it is only a pointer for our inquiry. So the minute we get into this space of ‘I know this now, and therefore I don’t need to look anymore’ we must be wary of such proclamations and saying that we have arrived at this level or something like that.

~ ~ ~

The Knowing of Knowingness Itself…, The Awareness of Awareness Itself…, is a recognition. But for Who?

Did Awareness, the Untouched, Unchanging One, forget Itself?

Does Awareness, the ultimate truth, need to have a recognition of Itself to remind Itself of the truth?

Are any words needed for Awareness?

Can the content of any waking state, (including content like satsang), can it become meaningful to That which is the ultimate truth?

Therefore to This Awareness, the content of what is appearing, (although all content is made up of its own dynamic aspect which is Consciousness), the content is completely meaningless. Therefore, for Awareness, whether it is satsang or it is a comedy show, it doesn’t really matter.

And once we start to have this recognition for ourself, then the mind starts playing very subtle tricks. The ‘con-artist’ also starts bringing its ‘A-game’ now…, because You’re starting to have the recognition of what You are.

And what is the trick? The trick could be ‘Now you’ve seen that you are Awareness. So what is the point of satsang? Why do I need to inquire? You are Awareness. What is the need for inquiry? What is the point of satang? None of this’.

And from the point of view of Awareness, all of this is completely true actually. Nothing is ever really needed, and nothing ever happened; completely true. Then what is it that we are here for?

We are here because there is still a sense that ‘I woke up and I went to sleep’. So this sense ‘I Am’ is still playing here. Consciousness or God is playing here. And most environments in this play are adding to the conditioning, adding to the belief that Consciousness is a person. ‘I am… something’. ‘I must become a better person. I must become happy. I am unhappy. I am happy’…, all of this conditioning is getting added in most environments in this apparent realm.

But also part of the play are these smaller points of light in which Consciousness is coming to the recognition of its Source, which is Awareness. And Consciousness is letting go of all conditions that have been attached to it. All part of the play still. Yes.

So the seeming-teacher in the play is the point of light of unassociated Being, which is opening us up to this same possibility or the same truth, actually…, being clear, being real for ourselves.

Therefore, like I say, satsang is not for the person because not even in this phenomenal play does a person really come into existence.

And satsang is not for Awareness because Awareness cannot be bound or free; it cannot be deluded or illuminated. Satsang for Awareness is as meaningless as any other part of this play.

Therefore, satsang is for what? It is for the dynamic aspect of Awareness Itself called Consciousness…, which has been playing as if it is a separate individual entity and is now coming to the recognition that ‘I am made up of this Awareness, therefore I am Awareness Itself’. And coming to the dissolution of all personal conditioning.

So now, it has become very popular to negate this Consciousness or Beingness. It has become very popular to say ‘Let’s not even make a distinction between Awareness and Consciousness because ultimately all is Awareness’.

Of course, some of you might have this insight that ‘All is Awareness, and nothing has really happened’. And if it’s true insight and if it is that strong an insight that comes along with the dropping of all millions of years of conditioning, then nothing is needed for You; no satsang, nothing is needed at all. This play of Consciousness will seem like a small grain of sand twittering about. It means nothing at all to You. Not even that, maybe. Not even a pin-prick, this entire play of Consciousness, because in the totality of Awareness, in the non-phenomenality of Awareness, this phenomenal play is nothing at all.

But as long as it is not that, then you must have this integrity to look. Is there really no difference for me, the sleep state and the waking state? Is this entire play of Consciousness with all its drama of relationships and money and health of the body and freedom…, in all of this drama there’s really nothing for me; not even a grain of sand…, then let me say these holy words: Nothing has ever really happened.

If this is not our experience, with integrity, then don’t be so quick to jump to these conclusions because then they are only mental. Just because the play of Consciousness is not apparent, don’t be so quick to dismiss it and go with the concept that there is no Consciousness.

I know; I have been there. For three years I tried to figure out what this ‘I Am’ was. And I can understand how attractive it must be to say ‘There is no Being. Maharaj is wrong. What is the reason to come to this? Bhagavan with the ‘I-I’. All the sages have talked about Being and Consciousness. And Atma. There was no need for any of this’. It can be very compelling to come to these conclusions, because there is frustration there at not discovering: What is this Being? ‘So let me use a concept like I’ve done in the past to hide my fear. Let me close myself up to the inquiry because I know Awareness is all there is, so what needs to be looked at now?’

Don’t fall into this, my beloved ones. Because from experience I’m telling you that it is not the end of suffering; in fact it is the intensification of suffering to buy into these ideas. Because ideas fighting ideas will not lead to the end of suffering; only to the increase in the intensity of it.

The sense that ‘I exist’ is primal to this existence, even a child says ‘I woke up and I went to sleep’. If animals could talk, they would also say ‘I woke up and I went to sleep’. Even before the mind comes, a child would have the sense that ‘I woke up’ and ‘I was asleep’, whether they were able to report it in words. But the Presence or absence of this sense of existence is primal, is primordial. In fact, this ‘I Am-ness’, this ‘Om’, this Consciousness, is the primordial, Immaculate Conception. And you will see that it is the light on its own screen; it is that which plays as all the actors.

[Silence]

And it is my blessing that: May there be a time for all of us that this entire phenomenal play will seem like nothing but a tiny grain of sand. Even smaller than that. And then, may we all be able to say with full integrity: All is Awareness, and nothing has ever really happened.

[Silence]

From here, the concept of believing a thought or not is meaningless. From here, and here alone, the concept of satsang, or the sharing of This, is meaningless. From here, this entire play is meaningless. Desire is meaningless. Aversion has no meaning. Freedom is nothing. Bondage does not exist.

But if these are still just thoughts; still just ideas.., and you know in your heart that there is a lot of belief in the person…, and you know for yourself that we are filled to the brim with desire…, it is Seen that something is not done with the play…, then don’t be so quick to pick up the ultimate-sounding ideas just as ideas.

If you must, then use them for your inquiry. Say that ‘If this is the truth, how can I see this for myself?’

If it is just another thought, ‘I am God’ or ‘I am Awareness’ it is not in service to the truth. No thought is in service to the truth…, unless it is used to remove all other thoughts.

[Silence]

I feel somehow to cover the basics today because it feels like a while that we haven’t done that. Most of us, we come to satsang first…, when we first come to satsang, what is it that we mostly want? We want to be rid of our suffering. We feel like so much has happened to us, and this life is unstable; my relationships are unstable, I’m not getting a control over my life. So how do I rid myself of suffering? That’s the first impulse, first motivation, so to speak, to come to satsang, isn’t it?

And then what we realize very quickly after we come to satsang is that all suffering is personal. Without relying on an idea of myself as a person I cannot really suffer. So we see that all suffering is personal.

How did it come about that we started to believe ourself to be this person? Is it our natural state to be a person? Is it our original-ness to be a person?

And then we look and we find that, yes, the appearance of the body is here. But the body is mostly unconcerned; completely unconcerned actually with the state of relationships, the state of financial security, with all personal concerns…, the body is not really concerned; including the health of the body itself the body is not concerned about.

So who is this one? And how did it come about that we start to believe ourself to be a person? And we find that it is impossible to do without listening to the ‘lawyer’ of this person; we have a story that the lawyer is selling, and then we believe ourself to be this person.

So, this one is which one? Intimate to us. And ever since we’ve been children, since we’ve been two [years old], we’ve heard this voice which has been telling us things about seemingly-ourselves; but really about this fictional entity, fictional non-entity called a ‘person’. And because it has been there for so long, it seems to have some authority and it gets our belief.

Now, when we come into satsang and we say ‘I want to rid myself of this suffering; I’m tired of suffering’ then we realize that all suffering firstly is person, and nothing else except this voice of the mind is representing this person. Nothing else is representing the separation except this voice.

Therefore, to be rid of suffering, what must we do? Not identify with this voice.

Which means what? Not believe what it is saying or selling.

That’s why, although it can sound simple, almost trivial, but to not believe our next thought is to experience the freedom, the non-resistive, non-suffering state, right now. You cannot suffer without buying your next thought. Even if you believed all your previous thoughts, this fresh moment is so beautiful and powerful that all prior conditioning has dissolved already; unless we pick up the tree of conditioning again by pulling at the branch of the next thought. There’s so much power…, there’s a book called ‘The Power of Now’. This is also a power of Now, that in this moment, you are free. All prior conditioning, even if it is millions of years old, is not here now, unless you tug at it. Unless the seller comes and you buy from it, it’s gone. Isn’t that tremendous? It is gone. It is done.

And even when we do buy it, it’s not such a terrible thing, because this moment again, it is gone. There is no way to lose this game. [Chuckles] Conditioning cannot win, unless you still feel like playing as a conditioned, non-existent entity. And if you still feel like playing that, then nothing can stop you from it.

So then what can happen is that we start letting go, dropping our belief in some thoughts. And those which are seemingly meaningful to us, those we still pick up. And they could be the spiritual ones now; the glorious-seeming ones. Those could be picked up. Now the thoughts could also change. It could feel like the mind is now changing and it has become very spiritual actually. It’s giving you very scriptural words and thoughts are much more well-dressed. Don’t buy them. Because if you buy this one also, it is with the presumption that ‘I have become a very spiritual person’ or ‘I have become a very special person now because I know this, which is a super-glorious thing to know’. It is of no value actually.

No value actually, why? Because suppose the thought is ‘I am That’ or ‘I am Awareness’…, if it is just a thought and not really a pointer to the real looking or the real checking, if you’re saying that ‘I’m Awareness. I know this. I don’t need to check anymore’ then it just becomes a concept. And when life comes with its seemingly-strong situations, when the mind is blasting about various things, and what could happen to you and what your life will become, then you insert one more dichotomy into it. So the mind is saying ‘You’re in big trouble’…, ‘Oh, I am Awareness’…, ‘You’re in big trouble’…, Oh, I am Awareness’. [Chuckles] It’s worse suffering than even believing the thought ‘You’re in big trouble’.

No, it’s true. [Chuckles] Although it sounds funny, the thing is such great dichotomy happens that it seems like your suffering can actually intensify…, when we try to counter one thought with another thought. And this is from my own experience. I remember when I used to know all of these things, and I felt like I knew everything. And then when suffering came, my business was going down the drain, there were fights at home, all of this was happening…, none of these concepts were really helping AT ALL, in fact they were making it worse. ‘If I am That, then what is it that is feeling the pain; what is suffering?’ So it was just becoming worse because of this. And ultimately, even that is grace. Because that is when the conceptual framework is seen to be completely useless, you see? Unless it is only a pointer for our inquiry. So the minute we get into this space of ‘I know this now, and therefore I don’t need to look anymore’ we must be wary of such proclamations and saying that we have arrived at this level or something like that.

So, what did we see? We saw that all suffering is personal, and the person idea has to be continuously nourished with new fodder, new thoughts, new nourishment of belief in fresh thoughts. Because we saw in the ‘right now’ all our prior conditioning is gone. We are free. But we tug at it. If we give our belief to one branch of the tree then the entire tree seems to be here. The non-existent person seems to be real because the power of belief is our power to pretend.

And there can be some questions about ‘Which thoughts are these that I should drop, and which thoughts should I continue to pick up?’ And I say that we must not…, we don’t need to pick up any thought; for two reasons.

One is that all thoughts, even if they’re proclaiming the most glorious truth, are still referring to you as if you are person, as if you are a separate entity. It cannot fathom the truth of what You are, therefore it has to go with the pretense of what you are. Therefore, for all thoughts, the premise is the personal ‘I’.

And the second reason is even if a sense of needing guidance still remains, you will find that with the dropping of allegiance to our mind, you will find that the intuitive sense will become more and more seemingly available to you. It was always there. But now that you’ve dropped allegiance to this energy called the mind, the intuitive Presence, the intuitive energy seems to become more in focus. So, even you will not be left without guidance, without ‘what to do’. The seeming-identity that still remains will not be without guidance. Your inner satsang or your outer satsang will still be available to you, so that you can throw away what little bit still seems to get your belief in spite of the intent not to believe.

So what is important to see here is the sense of not believing our thoughts is not a constricted space, in fact it is a very open space. Like a great zen master said ‘Both doors are open. All thoughts are allowed to come and go. Just we are not serving them tea’. Now ‘serving them tea’ could be interpreted in two ways.

The first way is that ‘I am not going to look at them. Whatever visitors are coming, I’m just going to hide’. But in that, there seems to be a lot more effort. ‘Who came? Got to peek into what came’. And what we are resisting from seeing, that seems to become very attractive for us to see. You see? So the play with attention in this way is not really required. So ‘Don’t serve them tea’ must simply mean ‘Stay where you are. Allow them to come and go. Don’t give them meaning. Don’t give them belief. Don’t make them relevant. Don’t identify’. Then we find great openness is the allowing everything to come and go. Then you truly will not be able to say in that moment that ‘I am suffering’ or ‘Something is happening to me’. This itself…, for those who are coming for this urge of Self-discovery, this itself is tremendous; that the seeming burden of suffering can no longer afflict us, in the simple sense of not engaging with the next visitor which comes through the door, not believing our next thought.

And I would like to feel that most of you now, having been in satsang for some time, (except for momentarily or short periods of time), are not really personally suffering in this way. And yet we find that there is a primal urge to go further into this; the urge for Self-discovery mostly does not come to an end at the end of this seeming personal suffering. And where does it usually go next?

Traditionally it has been said that even the greatest of sages, when they first went to their Masters, they went with this question: Can you show me God? Swami Vivekananda also had this question when he went to his Master: Can you show me God? It is natural for this question to come, because we’ve had a concept of God, we’ve had an idea about God. And this urge for Self-discovery mostly brings us to this point which is: What is God? Can you show me God?

Now, God is a word which has many, many definitions. So before we look further into it, let’s clarify…, when we [meaning Ananta] look into God here, what is the definition that we are following? So when we refer to God in satsang, we are referring to God as Consciousness, which is traditionally how God has been referred to. In various cultures across the world, God has been referred to as this Consciousness. Like it is said in the Bible ‘I Am that I Am’.

So, this ‘I Am-ness’, this Beingness, this Consciousness…, there was a long period of time here where it was completely unclear. ‘What it means? This Beingness?’ Often I have said that while I was reading ‘I Am That’ there were also experiences that were happening here. Because [Nisargadatta] Maharaj would keep saying ‘Stay with the sense I Am. Stay with the sense I Am. Just stay with the sense I Am’. [He said] ‘For three years, just three years, I stayed with the sense ‘I Am’ and everything was dropped’. And I just couldn’t fathom what is this ‘I Am’.

What made it happen? I don’t know. At the end of the day, I have to say ‘I don’t know’ and I have to say ‘Grace’. Because when it became clear what this sense ‘I Am’ was, I was actually sitting in an auto-rickshaw, what is also called ‘tuk tuk’…, just from here to the office which was maybe 500 meters away. Looking there, and just sitting in an auto-rickshaw, it was just simply ‘Oh, this. It has always been here, this sense of being. It’s always been this. This is the sense I Am’. It was so apparent and obvious, that even at that moment when I looked back, I said ‘What was the frustration and confusion?’ I couldn’t fathom it. So I have to say that it is Grace; although there was a lot of looking, looking, looking…, ‘What is I Am? What is I Am?’ I did a lot of film-style fighting with God saying ‘Why can’t you show me? What is this I Am?’ All this fancy stuff happened. But then, when it became apparent, there was no…, there was not even inquiry which was happening. It was just…, like that.

So the feeling, when it comes to express from here, is just a sense that ‘What would have helped that boy inquire a little better? If this one had an opportunity to go back in time and speak to that one and help him in some way, what is the way in which I would like to communicate with that one?’ And my feeling from here is that I would ask that one whether you can stop being now?

Instead of trying to search for Being, the inversion of the question I find very useful. But I have no real way of knowing whether even that would have been understood then. But my feeling is that to ask the question in this way ‘Can you stop being now?’ would make the inquiry a little more focused, a little more obvious, a little more clear; instead of saying ‘Can you find your Being?’ That is why I offer this question to you.

If you say ‘Can you show me God, Consciousness, Being, Atma?’ whatever you call it, then I offer you this question: ‘Can you stop being?’ And we see the sense ‘I exist. I am’ is here, the Presence is here. You cannot stop being. We don’t need to imagine it, we don’t need to make a picture out of it. It is just this sense of existence. I Am. It is not the thought ‘I am’. It is not the thought ‘I am’. It is only the sense ‘I Am’, the Presence ‘I Am’. I exist.

And very naturally, we know this to be true. Because we say ‘I went to sleep. I woke up’. And it’s very natural for us to say ‘I am feeling this way. I am doing this. I am going there’. So this ‘I-ness’, this ‘I Am-ness’, this Beingness is very naturally clear. But for the mind, it’s very confusing because the mind itself is a product of this Being. We say ‘My mind is very noisy today’. This ‘my’ is what? ‘My outside environment is very frustrating today. My family is being very trouble-some today. My life is not going the way that I would like. My story has been one of so much struggle. I am suffering from this, this and this’.

Who is this one? Who is this one that even has the ability to attach stories to itself?

Everything that we say after ‘I am…’ is a story. Everything that we believe after ‘I am…’ is a condition. And all the conditioning is just attributes that have been attached to the sense ‘I Am’.

But it is important to see that in actuality, Being is just Being; nothing really gets attached to it. It is only a pretend, only a belief. So all the beliefs that we have picked up along the way are pretenses for this pure Being or ‘I Am-ness’. This is what we are in satsang for: Consciousness coming to the recognition of its Source. And Consciousness letting go of all conditions that it seemingly attached to itself.

Therefore satsang is not for the person, because the person does not even seem to exist apparently. And all conditions apply only to that which seems to be here. And we say ‘I am here’.

So to come to this beautiful recognition ‘I Am that I Am’ is God experiencing God Itself…, is Consciousness experiencing Consciousness Itself.

And all that Consciousness needs to do to play as a person, to put on the ‘on’ switch of playing this personal game is to say ‘I am… something’. Attach any attribute, any thought, any condition to this, and the personal play seemingly begins.

And this, for most, is enough actually. It is already the end of suffering and the realization of Beingness, of Consciousness, Atma; Atmasakshatkar as it is called in India. And only some of us will have the true urge to look even further than this, which is to ask: Who is aware even of this Being?

Therefore the third and final question in satsang usually is: What is the absolute truth? What is Awareness?

Now ‘The Self’ like ‘God’ is used differently. The Buddhists use ‘the self’ actually for the false sense of self, which is ego. So don’t get confused with terminology. When we use the word ‘Self’ here, we are referring to the absolute truth.

And this question can come: What is the absolute truth?

Now, I have suggested two ways to look at this. One proceeds from the previous question which is ‘Who is aware even of Being?’

Second is ‘Am I aware now?’

It’s a very profound and beautiful inquiry. Because it is immediately, (even before immediately), known that Awareness is Here. It is Known that Knowingness is Here. And it is Known that it does not look like anything, it does not feel like anything, it is not a subject of time and space, it is not subject to time and space. No words can truly describe it.

And it is Seen that no matter what state is coming or going, this Awareness remains unchanged. There is Awareness of sleep state, and yet Awareness is untouched by sleep state. It is Awareness of waking state, and yet Awareness is untouched by waking state. Or dream state; Awareness is untouched by dream state. All the glorious meditative states like turiya, samadhi…, all of these It is aware of, and yet even these It remains untouched by.

And it is our experience in a state like sleep that all that was called Consciousness and the play of Consciousness dissolves back into that which it is ultimately made up of, which is Awareness Itself; and arises from that which it is made up of, which is Awareness Itself. Then it is Seen that there is nothing outside of This:

The Knowing of Knowingness Itself…, The Awareness of Awareness Itself…, is a recognition.

But for Who?

Did Awareness, the Untouched, Unchanging One, forget Itself?

Does Awareness, the ultimate truth, need to have a recognition of Itself to remind Itself of the truth?

Are any words needed for Awareness?

Can the content of any waking state, (including content like satsang), can it become meaningful to That which is the ultimate truth?

Therefore to This Awareness, the content of what is appearing, (although all content is made up of its own dynamic aspect which is Consciousness), the content is completely meaningless. Therefore, for Awareness, whether it is satsang or it is a comedy show, it doesn’t really matter.

And once we start to have this recognition for ourself, then the mind starts playing very subtle tricks. The ‘con-artist’ also starts bringing its ‘A-game’ now…, because You’re starting to have the recognition of what You are.

And what is the trick? The trick could be ‘Now you’ve seen that you are Awareness. So what is the point of satsang? Why do I need to inquire? You are Awareness. What is the need for inquiry? What is the point of satang? None of this’.

And from the point of view of Awareness, all of this is completely true actually. Nothing is ever really needed, and nothing ever happened; completely true. Then what is it that we are here for?

We are here because there is still a sense that ‘I woke up and I went to sleep’. So this sense ‘I Am’ is still playing here. Consciousness or God is playing here. And most environments in this play are adding to the conditioning, adding to the belief that Consciousness is a person. ‘I am… something’. ‘I must become a better person. I must become happy. I am unhappy. I am happy’…, all of this conditioning is getting added in most environments in this apparent realm.

But also part of the play are these smaller points of light in which Consciousness is coming to the recognition of its Source, which is Awareness. And Consciousness is letting go of all conditions that have been attached to it. All part of the play still. Yes.

So the seeming-teacher in the play is the point of light of unassociated Being, which is opening us up to this same possibility or the same truth, actually…, being clear, being real for ourselves.

Therefore, like I say, satsang is not for the person because not even in this phenomenal play does a person really come into existence.

And satsang is not for Awareness because Awareness cannot be bound or free; it cannot be deluded or illuminated. Satsang for Awareness is as meaningless as any other part of this play.

Therefore, satsang is for what? It is for the dynamic aspect of Awareness Itself called Consciousness…, which has been playing as if it is a separate individual entity and is now coming to the recognition that ‘I am made up of this Awareness, therefore I am Awareness Itself’. And coming to the dissolution of all personal conditioning.

So now it has become very popular to negate this Consciousness or Beingness. It has become very popular to say ‘Let’s not even make a distinction between Awareness and Consciousness because ultimately all is Awareness’.

Of course, some of you might have this insight that ‘All is Awareness, and nothing has really happened’. And if it’s true insight and if it is that strong an insight that comes along with the dropping of all millions of years of conditioning, then nothing is needed for You; no satsang, nothing is needed at all. This play of Consciousness will seem like a small grain of sand twittering about. It means nothing at all to You. Not even that, maybe. Not even a pin-prick, this entire play of Consciousness, because in the totality of Awareness, in the non-phenomenality of Awareness, this phenomenal play is nothing at all.

But as long as it is not that, then you must have this integrity to look. Is there really no difference for me, the sleep state and the waking state? Is this entire play of Consciousness with all its drama of relationships and money and health of the body and freedom…, in all of this drama there’s really nothing for me; not even a grain of sand? Then let me say these holy words: Nothing has ever really happened.

If this is not our experience, with integrity, then don’t be so quick to jump to these conclusions because then they are only mental. Just because the play of Consciousness is not apparent, don’t be so quick to dismiss it and go with the concept that there is no Consciousness.

I know; I have been there. For three years I tried to figure out what this ‘I Am’ was. And I can understand how attractive it must be to say ‘There is no Being. Maharaj is wrong. What is the reason to come to this? Bhagavan with the ‘I-I’. All the sages have talked about Being and Consciousness. And Atma. There was no need for any of this’. It can be very compelling to come to these conclusions, because there is frustration there at not discovering: What is this Being? ‘So let me use a concept like I’ve done in the past to hide my fear. Let me close myself up to the inquiry because I know Awareness is all there is, so what needs to be looked at now?’

Don’t fall into this, my beloved ones. Because from experience I’m telling you that it is not the end of suffering; in fact it is the intensification of suffering to buy into these ideas. Because ideas fighting ideas will not lead to the end of suffering; only to the increase in the intensity of it.

The sense that ‘I exist’ is primal to this existence, even a child says ‘I woke up and I went to sleep’. If animals could talk, they would also say ‘I woke up and I went to sleep’. Even before the mind comes, a child would have the sense that ‘I woke up’ and ‘I was asleep’, whether they were able to report it in words. But the Presence or absence of this sense of existence is primal, is primordial. In fact, this ‘I Am-ness’, this ‘Om’, this Consciousness, is the primordial, Immaculate Conception. And you will see that it is the light on its own screen; it is that which plays as all the actors.

[Silence]

And it is my blessing that: May there be a time for all of us that this entire phenomenal play will seem like nothing but a tiny grain of sand. Even smaller than that. And then, may we all be able to say with full integrity: All is Awareness, and nothing has ever really happened.

[Silence]

From here, the concept of believing a thought or not is meaningless. From here, and here alone, the concept of satsang, or the sharing of This, is meaningless. From here, this entire play is meaningless. Desire is meaningless. Aversion has no meaning. Freedom is nothing. Bondage does not exist.

But if these are still just thoughts; still just ideas.., and you know in your heart that there is a lot of belief in the person…, and you know for yourself that we are filled to the brim with desire…, it is Seen that something is not done with the play…, then don’t be so quick to pick up the ultimate-sounding ideas just as ideas.

If you must, then use them for your inquiry. Say that ‘If this is the truth, how can I see this for myself?’

If it is just another thought, ‘I am God’ or ‘I am Awareness’ then it is not in service to the truth. No thought is in service to the truth…, unless it is used to remove all other thoughts.

[Silence]

Ananta: What I’m getting from that is you want to tell me that you have experienced the Ultimate Truth for yourself.

Q: I don’t know if it’s the Ultimate Truth. [Laughs]

A: No, you can say. It’s okay. Now don’t become humble.

Q: But I know I’m not the Presence. And this is so bizarre because I’m speaking from a personal point of view. But I know I’m not the Presence. And in a way, I know what I am.

A: Yes.

Q: I can’t deny what I’ve experienced but I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t know; I actually don’t know. Because every time I think ‘Whoa, whoa, I’m This’ then…, I don’t know how to explain it, but a deeper Seeing happens of that.

A: So, let’s look at this closely because it’s important.

So, there is the Awareness even of Presence; that there’s the experience here, we can say, even of Presence, which I am not. So, the Seer of even Presence. Then there is the Presence. Within this Awareness Itself is the birth of the Presence.

Now, neither of these has the need to explain this.

So there is the Awareness, there is the Presence, and then there is the explain-er. And the explainer wants to say that ‘You know, I am That one’.

Q: Yeah.

A: ‘Why aren’t you getting that I am That one? Why can’t you just see it? You should have that much intuition at least’. [Chuckles] Not in so many words…,

Q: Not really, tho…

A: I know.

Q: More frustration from the ‘person’ at not really being able to explain it.

A: [Chuckling] I just exaggerate to make the point. Don’t worry.

Q: So this explainer guy comes up and says ‘But why can’t you understand that I have had this [realization]…, I Am this Awareness. I am clear about that. I have seen it’.

But what is my [Ananta’s] seeming-interest in this? Is to make sure that…

Q: Oooh, I see. Its [person’s] needs for validation; and to stay alive.

A: Yes. Neither Awareness nor Presence has the need for validation, or for me to understand what you have Seen.

Because it’s not you really who has seen it; it is I really who have Seen it. Not I or you personally; but this One…,

There is only One Awareness. Which is not personal. Yet I know what you mean.

And this truth is true for EVERYONE.

Because everyone knows, in reality, that they are this Knowingness Itself, or this Awareness.

It is only that they are buying this ‘third guy’ which doesn’t exist.

So, all of satsang is just trying, trying, trying for this guy. You see? So, that’s what it’s about.

Ananta: Even in all of this, the one that is saying that ‘I discovered one big identity for myself, and I discovered that this one is really what is still here; and this one should go’.

This one should go. It doesn’t want to go.

Q: Who is stopping it? Why is it still here?

A: If you’re not buying anything from it, it cannot survive. Are you buying what it’s selling, or no?

Q: …After 10 minutes, the buying happened. And that’s exactly the point where the suffering started.

A: So that’s it, then. Don’t buy it, and no suffering.

Q: But there’s still one that wants to let go.

A: Let go of this one that wants to let go. Don’t want to let go; just let go.

Q: [Sigh] Okay, Father.

A: Because it can really feel like ‘I am nobody without this one. Then what I am supposed to do?’ But this nobody-ness is truer than the somebody-ness. And without this one, (in your case also), the seeker identity, the one that plays the checker, as reporter, as the one whose getting insights, as the one who wants to make spiritual progress by doing something, even by letting go…, without this, you are really nobody. [Silence]

Q: No. It’s just seen; so true.

A: So without this one, you’re really nobody. Except sometimes you can play the role of mother, play the role of partner; all these roles can happen. But really the crux of your identity now rests on the seeker identity, which is made up of all this spiritual checking, spiritual reporting, spiritual progress: ‘What should I do spiritually? What is stuck spiritually? What am I projecting spiritually?’ You see?

Q: Yeah, because in the morning this whole checker thing happened again …

A: And now? And now, what’s happening? …, to the one who is saying ‘Yes, yes, yes, he is right. In the morning, this checker thing happened’. Who is this one?

Q: The same one.

A: So don’t buy what this one is selling. I know it tries to sound very meaningful, what it is telling you. It says ‘Yes, yes, I’m getting this insight, I see it now’. But this is the reporting now actually which is going on.

Q: [Silence]

A: And it is tied up with a lot of things. It is tied up with some sort of a need for validation of the report, need for validation of the spiritual insight, need for validation that something is happening to ‘you’. You see? So this checker is not just asking for you to validate it; it is also asking for us to validate it.

Q: [Silence] [Laughs] It doesn’t stop. In hearing this, it’s ‘See…, see the validation’. It’s right there.

A: A companion for you, for some time now…, the entire so-called spiritual journey for you seems to be about coming to these insights and checking on them and then reporting of them. And now you’re coming to this point where even this is being suggested to be let go of. And let the emptiness remain like that, even if some fear comes that ‘Without this, what will happen to me? This is how I’ve been leading my life for so long’. [Inaudible]…, all auspiciousness.

Q: Father, there’s a struggle to be in this emptiness.

A: Yes. So let’s look at this struggle. Yes. So what is the struggle? Some sensations are coming? Or what is happening?

Q: Father, the moment I close my eyes and there’s this silence and emptiness, something just is restless and wants to open the eyes. Or just…, the allowing of falling free does not happen. It’s like…, as if to just let myself loose in this space of no space …, and that’s exactly…

A: I’m with you. Together we can see through this.

So, allow everything to happen. And don’t pick up anybody; remain as nobody. And nothing with happen to you; I’m here with you. Let all fear, resistance…, whatever is coming as sensations, let it come.

Q: It’s as if there’s so much of disturbance it’s as if, like, drowning; and there’s this struggle to breathe.

A: Don’t worry; you will be able to breathe. Allow the feeling of drowning to happen. It’s okay. Nothing will happen to you. Don’t fear anything at all.

Most of us are scared of this silence, scared of our own nothingness. Because the mind makes it feel like it is an empty nothing. But it is only empty of concepts, only empty of ideas of ourselves. From this, all fullness comes actually. So embrace this silence. It will not harm you.

[Silence]

And all of us can check…, how the mind tries to resist this. How it comes up with ideas and thoughts to take you away from this.

Some fear can be coming. Allow this fear also to come. Don’t fight it. Don’t resist.

[Silence]

Q: Father, there’s a constant screaming happening. It’s not happening. It’s like.., as if..,

A: Something seems like it’s screaming for survival or something like this. It’s very common. Let it scream. It’s okay.

Q: [Silence]

A: Is what is appearing You? Or are You the Witnessing of it?

Q: Now the Witnessing.

A: Now in which way is that which is appearing affecting the Witnessing?

Q: It doesn’t affect the Witnessing, Father, but it doesn’t stay with the Witnessing, like I’m always trying to be one with the Witnessing, sort of a thing. That just came up.

A: Nothing needs to become one with the Witness.

[Silence]

A: Who are you right now? or What are you right now?

Q: Father, right now, it’s now as if…, [silence] It’s just like the Witnessing is happening and along with it, there’s this feeling ‘I can’t do it’. That’s also appearing, that…

A: Yes. Now, for so many years, for so long, we have been checking on the content of what is appearing and reporting from there, saying that ‘This is what’s happening to me’. Now if we are checking on anything at all, if we are reporting on anything at all, we are reporting from ‘Who are all these appearances appearing to?’ Who is aware of this screaming voice? Let’s check on that and report on that.

Q: Father, it’s suddenly getting too…,

A: Too what? Too scary or too confusing?

Q: Too cloudy, yeah.

A: So, also we can check ‘Who are the clouds appearing to?’ Your vision cannot be distorted by appearances, even if the appearances seem to get cloudy. You are aware of the clouds? Or no? What happened to this Awareness? Did that also become cloudy?

Q: No.

A: So report on this one, not on something which is appearing.

Q: Father, That just Is. That is also …

A: Is that That? We’re used to referring to it as ‘That’ as if there is some distance between us and That. Is that That? or is it a This? These are not semantics. We are really checking. Because something is saying ‘That only. Nothing is happening to That’. You see? But is That not what You are? [Silence] Are you separate from That?

Q: [Silence] Father, I’m not able to say ‘This is Me’.

A: [Laughs] Yes. But then, what is You? Is it ‘I don’t know what I am’? Or is it ‘I know I am Supriya who is aware of her Awareness, but the Awareness is not what Supriya is’? Is it like that?

Q: I feel like that, Father.

A: But you have to check and see if it is true. Where is the Supriya that you are?

Q: [Silence]

A: If you can’t find it, then why do you believe it? ‘This is my I’. You see? The belief in something we can’t even find.

Q: Father, this body, this form also appears in the same Seeing, and That is the point of confusion that is seen right now.

A: So, the body is not so much confusion. What does the body want right now? It’s just sitting about, very innocently. Poor thing gets all the blame from us all the time. [Chuckles] ‘It seems the body is the problem’. If the body could speak, it would be saying ‘But what am I doing?’ [Laughs] [Laughter in the room] It’s not the body so much as the idea of the person that owns the body: ‘My body is like this’…., ‘My body…’ The same one that is ‘My relationship, my money, my freedom’. This one.

If the body could really speak, it would say ‘What freedom are you going on about? Let’s talk about lunch!’ [Much laughter] ‘That’s actually nirvana’. So it’s really not causing any trouble at all. Just sitting quietly. It is the presumed-owner of the body, the presumed-owner of our relationships, the presumed-owner of our spiritual journey. This one, the non-existent one; this we cannot find. And yet it gets so much of our belief. That is the divine mystery.

Q: Father, there’s still something…

A: There is still something. Which means what? There is a sensation, there is a thought, there is a feeling? What is the something?

Q: I just feel something, just like a …, some resistance, Father. [Sighs]

A: So, what is the resistance doing to You in this situation…, if the mind is not saying ‘This has to go. This is still here’? What is it doing to You?

Q: [Silence] It just is how you summed it up, this idea of this ‘I’ which is just …, which is like literally standing in the face, sort of a thing.

A: Literally standing up, where is it?

[Loud noise ongoing]

Q: It’s like construction started happening, and it’s so much loud noise.

A: When that was happening here, we escaped to the balcony and we had satsang there.

Q: Shall I ask them to stop?

A: If it’s possible.

Q: One second… [Leaves her chair]

A: ‘Something is there’ [Chuckles] I said ‘I want to meet that something’ and [loud noise]…, there you go! [Chuckles]

Q: Sorry, Father. [Loud construction noise still going on] No, I just said to someone…

Father, this just reminds me. This is exactly how it goes away.

A: And even this is not touching your Awareness. No?

[Silence]

Who are You, right now?

Not what is appearing in front of you; who are You?

Not what is your experience; who are You?

Not what is appearing as a sensation because this question is being asked;

Who are You?

Q: I Am.

A: Because you are here for this. I know this because you have been in satsang. Those who come just for something, for ‘me’ …, ‘I want happiness, I want peace, I want…’ something, something, something; those don’t last very long in satsang. Your urge must be for Self-discovery, for Self-realization, and not to give something to the false self, to the made-up, imagined identity. It must be to find Who You Are.

What is it that remains untouched through all appearances?

What is it that is not coming and going?

It is You.

Nothing can ever happen to that which does not exist. Nothing can ever happen to that, because it doesn’t exist. And nothing can ever happen to You in reality. Because You remain untouched through all appearances. And every time we say that ‘Something is happening to me’ it is not a reporting from the truth. Because we’re just going with some sensation which is appearing or some thought which is appearing, which is saying that something is happening to me.

But You are that Supreme One to which nothing can happen. You’re that to which this entire manifest creation is nothing more than a grain of sand. What can hurt You?

So, the inquiry is just a simple verification. When a thought comes and says something, we just verify it and check whether it is true or not.

There are only two ways to end this so-called spiritual journey:

The first way is to trust the voice of Your Own Presence which is speaking in satsang and to follow that.

The second way is to buy the story that the mind is telling you completely; and not trusting this voice in satsang at all.

These are the two ways to end it.

Now, the way to prolong it is to listen to both half/half. If you listen to both half/half then it will seem like a journey, more of a journey. Little bit of this, little bit of that, little bit of this, little bit of that.

So I am saying to you that there is no Supriya and nothing has ever really happened to You in reality. Now are you going to give this to the mind to check? Or will you check for Yourself?

[Silence] Is there a Supriya?

Q: [Silence]

A: If there is no Supriya, then there can be no problem.

[Silence]

Drop all allegiance with your mind.

Drop all belief from this one.

Allow everything to come and go.

Don’t fear any sensation.

Don’t fear fear itself.

[Silence]

See how the mind is not a true representative of the truth. And the voice that speaks in satsang is your own true voice, is your own Presence speaking.

You are untouched.

You are unborn and undying.

You have no desire, no aversion.

There is no bondage or freedom for You.

You are That which is not coming or going;

That which witnesses all comings and goings.

You witness the birth and death of this universe.
Within You, all realms are born and dissolve.

And even these words cannot come close defining Your true glory.

Don’t believe that voice that tells you that you are just a bundle of flesh and blood; the voice that tells you that you can want something and you can need something; the voice which says you have to get somewhere, you have to become something. You’ve had your fun playing as this.

Now with open eyes, check on what you truly are. And don’t wait for the false voice to give you a report. Stay with what you see for yourself.

That which is undying must be here now. That which we call God, if it is real, then It must be here now. If we don’t believe any ideas about what God should be, then the experience of God is here now. And you are That which cannot be labeled, even as God.

You are That which cannot be known phenomenally.

And you know this…, not from a thought, not from intellect.

You are prior to this, and You are aware of this.

Without the hypnosis of your mind, which relies on your own belief, you can no longer pretend to be this non-existent person.

There is no such thing as darkness. Even that which appears dark, appears in the light of your own True Self.

Stop playing with these tiny ideas about yourself. Let’s play together as One.

Don’t go with that voice, my child; not this one. Because this playground is too small for us now.

Now this so-called journey that we’ve all undertaken will only truly stop with the realization of the Self and the dropping of the false beliefs about our Self. But many times, along the way, it can seem to take some pit stops, either because the mind is saying ‘I will never get it, so I give up’ or the mind is saying ‘I got it now’. So these are the pit-stops. It’s saying ‘I discovered the Truth. I found it! There is no truth’. Something. You can still smell it if it’s mental, you see? So that can be a pit-stop.

The same thing can be spoken experientially when we say that for that which is non-phenomenal, even the concept of truth is false; does not apply.

And sometimes it is the spiritual concepts which are the longer pit-stops. And the mind attaches to seemingly-glorious spiritual concepts. And that can be a very long pit-stop. Because it gives the illusion of permanency. But this illusion of permanency will not be the end of suffering.

I remember actually there was a time here many years ago that there was a sense that ‘I know it all now. I know it. I just know it’. And I could speak it, and I was parot-ing my then-Guru’s words; just a very good replica. You see? And this sense was there that ‘I know it all’. And when these attachments started to cause suffering; work attachments, family attachments, they started to cause suffering, I realized that there was so much suffering that went on in spite of knowing all the concepts.

So it is suffering which pulls us out from the pit-stop again. And suffering which confirms to us ‘Not this. Not even this. Not even this’.

And then we see for ourselves that no amount of mental knowing is the end of suffering. In fact the more mental knowing, it seems like there is more suffering actually because the world and appearances are constantly colliding with that which we seem to know mentally. So it is the True Seeing, the True Realization, the True Knowingness (capital ‘K’) which is not attached to any concepts.

When this is the discovery, when we find that this Knowingness cannot be attacked, there is no right or wrong in this; it just IS. And instead of attachments, it brings openness. And instead of pride and humility, it brings neutrality.

[Silence]

There is no rush to make any proclamations. No rushing to any conclusions. That which is coming from this sense of hurry or need for validation, this rush, rush, rush to get it, is not true.

Our mental understanding of even spiritual concepts is only fresh conditioning. True knowing, true understanding, does not rely on any ideas; does not rely on the past.

What is the journey? If Spirit is true, if God is here, then what is the journey?

Q: Here now.

Now. It must be some sort of a stubborn refusal to accept what is here now. It must some sort of an idea of how something should be, and therefore we create this idea of a journey. Isn’t it? Because a journey implies there is a destination, isn’t it? If you are already that, if you are here now, and if we’re independent of the content of our thinking, … because once we see that these thoughts are not for Me, they’re not even about Me in reality, they’re about some projection that can never truly come to life…., if we see this, that the thoughts are about a projection that can never truly come to life, then that is the dropping of this idea. The dropping of these ideas is the end of the journey, is the end of conditioning.

We were discussing, maybe after satsang yesterday, that to pick up one thought is like picking up the entire tree of conditioning. One leaf. Because in this moment right now, if we don’t refer to any thoughts about ourself, then where is the conditioning? There could be some energetic conditioning that remains, but that’s okay. Even that is not suffering, unless we believe a thought about it.

So, see how when we pick up one presumption about our separate existence as an individual entity, then we pick up the entire basket of ideas, the entire basket of conditioning. You see? And without thoughts, there is no journey also.

But we have to be a little bit [inaudible] because it can also be taken just mentally and say ‘I can just drop the search. What is the need for satsang then?’ But if it is just conceptual in that way, it is not truly the end of suffering.

Okay, one thing very important for us to understand is that openness and resistance are opposites and cannot really co-exist. Although we can say ‘Let’s be open even to our resistance’…, it’s okay at some point to say this…, but in fact, they’re opposites. The fist is either closed or open. You see? It’s either resisting or it’s open. But this openness is the end of suffering.

Openness cannot suffer. In openness, you cannot suffer; whatever idea you might even have about yourself. So that is a true indicator, the end of suffering. Not the end of pain, but the end of suffering mostly is the true indicator for the dropping of the search. In fact the dropping doesn’t feel like I dropped something after that.

Many times in Advaita we just meet people who come to this, you know, very strong idea of ‘Oh, I’m dropping the search. I’m dropping’. The ‘I’ is still the wrong ‘I’ on in that. Yeah?

Has it become a little confusing? Shall I start again?

So basically what I’m saying is that all conditioning, the idea of journey included, is not needed if right now we’re not going with the content of our thoughts, if you’re not buying anything that the mind is selling…, including thoughts about the end of the journey, the end of the search.

And how do I know? If the idea of suffering comes, it is based on this idea of individual entity, the idea of the ego. And we said that openness and ego cannot co-exist because ego is another name for resistance, the non-acceptance of What Is.

So this realization that What I Am is IT already is the end of the journey.

But this realization also comes with the understanding that I am not dependent on the content of my thoughts.

Many times we have these ideas that ‘Yes, yes, I understand What I Am therefore I should now be free to engage with my thoughts as much as I like’. And this one usually is asking for trouble. You see? Why would you want it? Once you discover Who You Are, who is the lawyer who is still defending thoughts and saying ‘But I’m also Consciousness, I’m also Consciousness’?

So, as we allow ourself to be open, non-resistive even to thoughts…, in fact, to give them our belief is to resist. I can find no other way to resist except to give belief to our thoughts. Is there any other way?

We can look together, because this is the first time I feel this is escaping my mouth, so [chuckles] I haven’t deeply contemplated; we can look.

We are used to trying to figure it out with the mind and this is unfathomable for the mind, the mind has no chance here, you see? So when the question comes like this, which now seems so easy and natural here, I remember there was a time where the same reaction would come: ‘But what is this I?’ or even ‘What is this ‘I am’? It’s so frustrating. I just can’t find it. I can’t figure it out’.

I know this feeling, and at some level it’s good because the mind should…, this one should give up, you see? The one who is trying to figure it out should give up, and then it’s just very simple looking.

‘I know’…, you say. ‘I know that there is an ‘I’ who doesn’t know who I am’. To the mind these words are so complicated. These words are so complicated to the mind. But very simply we are just looking at you saying ‘I don’t know who I am’. But right at the beginning there’s an ‘I’ that you know doesn’t know who it is.

So we know this ‘I’ but it is not known mentally; we cannot make a picture out of it. And that is what becomes frustrating to the mind because the mind wants to give us a good answer, maybe a good diagram to go with the answer, so that we can get full marks on this question ‘Who Am I?’ But it is not that, it is not a test question like that. It is only an encouragement to look; not an encouragement to think, just an encouragement to look: ‘Who is it that is here now? Who Am I?’

Q: There is such a sense of frustration…, right now.

Yes, but the good thing about the inquiry is that anything coming up can be used in the inquiry. So you say ‘So much frustration is coming’. I don’t hear that as something bad actually. I say this is an opportunity to check: ‘Who Witnesses this frustration? Is that also frustrated?’

Q: No, it’s not.

Yes, so are You that frustration? Or are You the Witness of it…, primarily?

Q: Well…, at the moment I am the Witness of it.

Yes, now try to not be the Witness and become the content. How will you do it?

Q: Well it’s almost like, entering back into that, there’s like this sensation, this energy of frustration and it’s sort of like diving back in there.

Okay, do it, let’s see it.

Q: [Laughter] Okay…, I can’t do it now.

[Laughter] You can never do it. It’s only an idea that ‘I can do it’. The Witnessing is always just the Witnessing itself. It only seems like ‘I went back into the personal, into to the person’. But no person has actually ever existed. Only our attention can go to this content, but that to which attention is reporting is not fixated with it, is not stuck in it, is not bound by it. It is only the thoughts which will tell you that ‘Now you are stuck in this stuff’. And you have the power to pretend by believing these thoughts. But in reality you could never be stuck. Therefore nowhere for you to go. You are here already as That, Awareness.

Q: There’s distractions that come up, like memories and suddenly…,

Yes.

Q: And it’s getting me frustrated. There’s some memories that pop up.

Yes, but we can use even that. You say ‘This distraction is coming up, this memory is coming up’. Who is Witnessing that? Is the Witnessing also distracted?

So everything coming up…, actually this world is dual purpose. If the urge is to play as a person then everything that comes up in the world we can use to take personally and to get deeper in the personal idea. But if the urge is to now discover who we are then everything that is appearing in the world can be used to point back at the Witnessing of it and to check ‘Who is it that sees this?’…, and to come to our true realization of the Self. You see? So, same world, same content can be there, but depending on the urge it can be used differently.

Q: Well the urge is to be Free, for sure. It’s all…, you know, it’s beyond ‘I want to be happy and I don’t want to suffer anymore’. I mean I don’t to suffer and I want to be happy but the stronger urge is ‘I want to be Free, and I want to know that I’m Free’…, put it that way.

Yes, I know this because you cannot come to…[satsang]; my feeling is that if the urge was just for some superficial or phenomenal happiness then you would not be here for the second satsang. After the first something would get tortured; this idea of personhood would get so tortured that you would never want to come back to the second satsang. Because you are here so often, then I know it cannot just be about some superficial sense of happiness.

For the sense of personhood who wants this sense of being happy, it is pure torture to be in satsang because it doesn’t like the question ‘Who Am I?’ It doesn’t like these thing we are saying which is ‘You don’t exist as a person, you are truly non-phenomenal and all these appearances don’t matter, they don’t have meaning’. You see? So it doesn’t like. The sense of personhood doesn’t like this. So if you come again for satsang there must be a primal urge for Freedom.

Q: Mm hm.

But this actually doesn’t mean that if you’re coming for a few satsangs, it doesn’t mean that you will come to the end of your conditioning…, although that is my blessing; that all of you come to the end of your conditioning. But sometimes we cross something; like we might have a spiritual experience or an awakening experience or some spiritual experience, and something says ‘I want to take ownership of this. This was so good. I have discovered that I’m God’. You see? So it wants to use that as fresh conditioning.

And then after coming to these kind of experiences we might get seemingly way-laid from the end of all conditioning, because then we start adding new conditioning about our self, which is specialness, arrogance, pride. Just spiritual ego basically, which is the most common reason people stop coming to satsang is because they believe they have become special people now.

Q: I have a direct experience of that we don’t die. Because I communicate with people who were in the physical and who are no longer physically here. I can talk to my father who has passed on 10 years ago; and other people, I talk to them. So I know we don’t die. I say ‘All right, I don’t die, great!’ But the ‘I was never born’ thing…, oh my god. What’s that about?

A: So if you don’t die is it possible to be born actually? I feel in your question itself the answer is there. Unless there is death, can there be birth? Because if this one is eternal, then can there be birth or death for this one.

Q: Mentally I know the right answer in a mental way. I don’t have a direct experience of that.

A: Actually this is our experience, but we don’t have yet the confirmation that this is true. Because that which we are, always has been. You see, that which is Aware of all the states which are coming and going, and itself is not coming and going, that is what we most naturally are.

That which is seen, even in this seeming-lifetime, has seen so many bodies and so many realms and so many experiences have happened; in this waking [state] and so many different dream states…, this so called waking state which is just another dream state. And also it has experienced nothingness, no phenomenonal appearance has also been experienced so often.

So we see that something can be born, the sense of Presence, the sense of Consciousness can be born and can dissolve. But that which witnesses it is not taking birth or dying.

Q: It seems incredibly boring.

A: Yes, but to who?

Q: I am not sure. I can sort of conceptually step back and experience that, eternal Being. I have been there. And then it is like ‘Oh, this so boring. Why would I want to hang out here!?’

A: So this can be said in 2 ways: One is a very primal way, where if you are all there is, there is no birth or death and nothing can ever happen to you and you are just everywhere and you are not phenomenal…, then what’s all of this about?

That is why I say that my favorite reasons, (which is not true, but you have to give a reason to things, just because we have to say something)…, so my favorite reasons when someone asks ‘So what is the point of the creation of this Universe?’ is that I say ‘Because it was too boring. I wanted some entertainment’. [Laughter]

So then we created this play, this phenomenal experiencing in which I pretended to be this person playing out all of this adventure called life with all its ups and downs, with all its seeming bondage and freedom.

So if you are speaking from there saying ‘But if I am all there is, and there is nothing actually, and yet I am here, nothing is moving nothing is changing, maybe I need to buy a TV actually, get some entertainment in front of me’. So this whole phenomenal experiencing is the TV of Awareness; the movie screen in which all of this is playing out. Just because it’s too boring.

But what I was saying earlier, what I wanted to point out and stress on more…, because many times as you are coming to the recognition of what you are, the mind comes in with these things and says ‘Do you really want this? This is so empty, this is so boring. You will just become a vegetable, you will not have any enthusiasm, you will not have any wonder left in life’.

But this is not the actual experience of the sages. They actually find that every moment is full of so much wonder and joy and peace. When we drop all these expectations and fears, guilt and remorse, pride, arrogance, specialness…, when all of this is gone, the stories that we have about ourselves.., when they are gone then we don’t know anything at all. Then there is so much wonder in every moment, there is so much joy.

So that was the voice I was cautioning against, that can come and say ‘But this is so boring’.

Q: But the voice that answers is the one that …[Inaudible] But I do know that I have met other sages that are apparently blissed out most of the time.

A: I actually haven’t met anyone who is blissed out all the time. I actually haven’t met anyone. And maybe that is great Grace. Because here it is not this feeling of being blissed out all the time.

Q: What’s it like?

A: It is much more natural than that. Everything is allowed. I cannot say that there is a strong experience of bliss in every instant. All states are allowed to come and go very naturally. And yet what I see myself to be in reality is untouched by any of these states.

And also there is a recognition that everything phenomenal is coming and going. And any time there is this belief or attachment in something, then it is setting up for failure because I know that this is a temporal field. So it is going. So if I attach to something here as ‘me’ or ‘mine’ then it is bound to cause suffering. Because it will come and go.

So if I attach even to the sensation of bliss…, when it comes it is seen often enough that even this is coming and going. So if I give it the idea that ‘It should always be like this’ or ‘For me now it is always like this’ then I know, when it goes, the mind itself will come and say ‘See now, you lost your freedom, where is the bliss?’ That is why I said it is good news that I have not met anyone who is blissed out all the time because the mind would say ‘See, this is the true Sage. He is always in bliss’.

Now what can be a bit confusing is that this state of simple allowing itself, non-resistive allowing, is a very deep peace. So this peace can be confused to be like a phenomenon of something. So when the sage says that ‘I am always at peace’ he is not talking about this sense of phenomenal tasting of peace…, ‘Ahhh, it is so peaceful’. Not like this, you see. It is just so much peace because everything is allowed, nothing is resisted. So this is a deeper peace.

Yes, yes, then if you see, this is the constant experience even here; except for momentary buttons getting pressed and thrown away one once in awhile. I have to say that mostly the experience is non-resistive, not personal; mostly the experience here is not personal and the simple allowing of everything to come and go.

Q: And there is a deep sense of ease about that.

A: Yes, yes ease; ease, is a very good word.

Q: Yes, so if anger comes, there is an ease because it comes and it goes.

A: Yes. I feel that ease is a very good word. I feel I will use this word more often, because there is a deep sense of ease. It is not a struggle with life; it is not a resisting with life in anyway.

Q: I like ease.

A: Yes.

Q: So I guess it was a thought that said ‘Okay, so where are we now?’ It’s the one who tracks. I guess it is the therapist in me, the one who tracks.

A: The checker guy, the checker man is my arch nemesis.

Q: I have a checker woman, the monitor; she monitors what’s going on.

A: Checker woman, checker person is my arch nemesis.

Q: Okay, so where are we now?

A: How many thoughts are we believing? You were a good boy or a good girl today you believed only 10 thoughts. (Laughter). This report card, this….

Q: So now there is the feeling that came up of ‘So, what do I do now? We have had this nice conversation and now what do I do with this new insight?’ Like ‘I have to study it, when I get out of the hangout then I am going to listen to this again and study it’.

A: Yes, this is natural for it to happen initially. Because the strongest leg for the ego is the leg of ‘doership’. Without doership, without this sense that ‘What do I do now?’ this ego actually cannot survive. This table of the ego just falls down without the leg of doership. So it is very natural for it to try and retain itself by saying ‘Okay, what is the plan now? What do I do now? This was very nice, what do I do now?’

As long as there is a sense that ‘I can do something’ then we can do two things: One is we can just not believe our next thought or second we can self-inquire and ask ‘Who am I? Who is the doer? Who is the ‘I’ that should do something?’

So as long as there is a sense of doership which still seems strong then we can either not believe our next thought (which I know seems like a doing); we can do this or we can do the self -inquiry, (which is also actually not a doing, but can seem like it).

So with either of these then you come to this place to see that there is no ‘doer’ at all. So this question, when it comes ‘What do I do now?’ it just becomes laughable just like every other thought; just becomes laughable. So until it has become laughable we can just not believe our next thought or we can just inquire into ‘What I truly am’.

Q: And the answer still is ‘I still don’t know’.

A: Is there a ‘I’ that doesn’t know? Because when you say ‘I don’t know’ what you are actually saying is that ‘I know that there is an ‘I’ that doesn’t know’.

Q: There is an ‘I’ that doesn’t know. Yes, there is an ‘I’ that doesn’t know.

A: Okay. So who is this ‘I’ that doesn’t know?

Q: Oh my goodness.

A: It is not hard work actually like this. (Laughter). The mind says ‘But this is so heavy, this is so frustrating’ because we are used to trying to figure it out with the mind, we are used to trying to figure it out with the mind.

This is unfathomable for the mind. The mind has no chance here.