BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

The feeling here is that more and more we will keep quiet. I will keep quiet. [Smiles] [Silence]

The intent is not to replace your personal conditioning with a new with spiritual conditioning, new conceptual framework of spirituality. That is not what we are here to create. We are here to recognize who we are and to drop all conditioning.

[Silence]

Mind says ‘What am I doing here? What am I learning in this silence?’ Nothing! That’s the point. The more we learn, the more identified we become; attached to our concepts, to our spirituality.

[Silence]

Get used to the silence.

[Silence]

The True silence of being empty of egoic belief, egoic identity. The mind wants to give you a seven course meal of concepts and you have consumed many such meals and found that they only given you the indigestion of suffering, even the best sounding concepts. If you feel you’ve found the best concept, you’ll just try to defend it. It makes a person out of you.

In this openness, in this nakedness, some discomfort can come because this seeming suffering, this wobbliness, this fear makes you want to hide behind some ideas. And many times the ideas themselves could be Advaitic ideas; and many times those ideas can be those of giving up on satsang. Allow those ideas to come and go. Stay with the discomfort and find that you’re coming to your own naturalness, the acceptance of what is. The addiction to believe, the addiction to identify, is what is being rooted out here.

[Silence]

How many are sensing this, what I’m saying…, that as we remain with our recognition of what we are and we are sensing this urge to leave our thoughts, something wants to hide behind some concepts? Are we able to check on this? This is the key to the removal of the egoic sense of separation. See this. The urge to interpret, the urge to judge, the urge to check your own progress, the urge to give advice; it’s all escapism from this openness. It’s very good if you spot it, this sense of separation and how it emerges, how a concept can come and this whole game of ‘As if’ begins, and this primal sense of separation and how it emerges, how a concept emerges.

[Silence]

All concept means separation. Even the concept ‘We Are One’ is not required; not conceptually. So if we identify this…, see that it is this which is the root of separation, then what Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi said will become so clear. Because he said that either we inquire…, to find what? ‘Whose is this? Who are these thoughts appearing to? Does any thought apply to the reality of what I Am?’ Inquire into who you are and see that these thoughts are meaningless. Or ‘Surrender it all to God, to Arunachala, to the Master’. The same thing. ‘None of what these thoughts are saying are my problem. All are my Master’s problem’.

In this way we are not picking up any concept about our self, no identification. Some are more attracted to inquiry and some are more attracted to surrender; some are a bit of both. Everything is okay. Some can just remain open. Like the Zen Masters have said ‘Let thoughts come and go, just don’t serve them tea’. Just remain open like this, just surrender. It is enough.

[Silence]

And those which are truly sticky…, some of you are identifying with relationships, some are identifying with Veganism. There are judgments around these things, there are interpretations around these things. So when you are able to identify them like this, use them for the inquiry:

Whose relationship is it?

Who is here?

What are you recognizing about yourself?

That you are Awareness.

Can this Awareness have a relationship?

Who is it that is here as a separate entity?

So then, as you inquire, you will find that if there is strong resistance to inquiry then hopefully you have been blessed with devotion; and say ‘Whatever is the problem, it is my Master’s problem, is God’s problem’. Then these will not stick. If you find that you are not able to do either, forget it. Just keep coming to satsang.

[Silence]

Every moment you can notice which thoughts still have juice for you. Which version of the mind still seems so important?

Is it the checker guy?

Is it the rebellious guy?

Is it the adviser?

None of this is You.

The reporter, the interpreter?

It’s just a voice, just an energy construct appearing and disappearing. Stay with That which is not coming and going, That which is prior to your beliefs, prior to your relationships, prior to spirituality. Don’t attach anything to ‘I Am’. Remain un-associated. Anything you attach to ‘I Am’ is a lie anyway; just a pretense.

Every moment, just emptiness; no concepts. Right now, you are empty. You’re empty now. You are clean, un-associated, pure Being Now. You Are. When you jump into your mind with belief, you jump into the dumpster of garbage. Don’t do it, now; just Now. Every moment you are pristine again.

[Silence]

How Consciousness wants to express Itself in this illusory realm called Maya is up to Consciousness; including our own actions and reactions, (which are just the actions and reactions of this body), belong only to Consciousness. There is no separate entity here who has control. I’ve looked, you have looked. And if there is any difference it’s only that I am not believing in the one that I cannot find. And That which already Is doesn’t need my belief; it just Is.

[Silence]

Okay, suppose I said ‘Go to the terrace and in the sky you will see this big blue ball’. So you look up in the sky. You don’t see a big blue ball, but you see a message [that says] ‘Here is the blue ball’. You will come back and report what?

Q: I saw the message.

A: I saw the message. But do you say ‘Oh, the ball was there because I saw the message ‘Here is the blue ball’? [Smiles] This is what’s happening with us. We look for the person, we don’t find it. But we find a voice, a message; a voice that belongs to no one: ‘I am this one, I want this, I want freedom, I want peace, I want, I want, I want’. Because we can see the message, we presume that the ball must exist. There’s only this voice. There is only this ‘lawyer that has no client’. [Smiles]

Don’t believe this voice because it is lying. Nobody has found a person. Look for the blue ball. Don’t just rely on what the mind is saying, what the message is saying. There is no separation. There is no entity.

If we play a James Bond video game, is there really a James Bond? There’s the appearance of James Bond, there’s appearance of the entire play, but is that appearance of James Bond, (which you’re supposed to be in the game), is it separate from the rest of the game? No. It is one big play, it is one big Maya. Then how to play; as if you’re James Bond, how to play? The game has a voice. It says ‘Mr. Bond your next mission is…’ [Laughter] This is the voice of the mind. You can only play as if you’re a separate entity within the game if you’re believing this voice.

This is one big computer game like this. You can only play as if you’re this name and form if you’re believing this voice which is telling you that you’re separate, that this is what you want. You have no likes and dislikes, you have no desires and aversions, unless you believe this voice.

Don’t be scared of this Nakedness, this Openess.

[Silence]

This is your True Crucifixion. Stay with arms wide open.

[Silence]

You are being resurrected as God Himself.

[Long Silence]

There is no Identity Now.  Now, Now, Now.

Unless you give yourself the space to think about it, you cannot pretend to become ‘something’. Even now you are nothing, no-thing.

[Silence]

Who are you before you think about it? Who are you when you just look? Who is looking?

Look for this one.

[Long Silence]

I’ll tell you a story that happened yesterday. [Chuckles] Most of you know I have two children, (physically, two children). [Chuckles] My son is older, my daughter is the younger one.  He loves teasing her, she loves hitting him. [Chuckles] So, yesterday I told them, (they are both attached to their phones), ‘If you tease her, I’m going to take away your phone for a week’ and ‘If you hit him, I’m going to take away your phone for a week’. They were not happy. [Chuckles] They were both sitting. They started saying ‘We don’t like this’. [Chuckles] He started saying ‘I’m getting the BEST ideas to tease her; the best jokes. I’m dying here’. [Chuckles] ‘Can we get a pass here at least for a day?’ [Chuckles] [Laughter]

So what’s happening here? This is just the same thing that happens to the Sangha also. We feel like our report, our idea, is the best thing and we have to go with that. I keep pointing you to the recognition of the Self and the Silence. And something says ‘No, no, no; but this, but this, but this’.

Nothing is happening to You. The same tendency; to pick up our beliefs, pick up our ideas. I’m not saying that no movement or sensation is happening in the body. But in the reality of what You are…, is nothing.

It is for this reason that we’re so addicted to our concepts, our ideas. Because our tuxedo thoughts, the most well-dressed ones are meaningless. Our spiritual thoughts, the ones in the loin cloths are also completely meaningless.

Let go. Let go, let go, let go. Now, now, now, now.

What you’re holding onto is not the Truth. Let Go!

I know that Monday was supposed to be the day we take open questions. But I don’t feel like it today. [Chuckles] Maybe we will do that tomorrow…, if I feel like it.

Don’t give yourself the room to pick up any idea; even the best question. You’re coming to the pristine recognition. I’ve given you so many beautiful tools. Who is aware of this Awareness?

Now don’t sell yourself short by picking up some ideas. Because no idea applies to You.  No idea applies to You. Ultimately, even the ideas of Awareness, Consciousness…, none of these apply to you. These are just pointers.

Q: So, for the last year I’ve seen this light more…

A: Yes.

Q: And more. It’s been growing in me.

A: Yes.

Q: And it’s to the point where it’s almost constantly pervasive.

A: Yes, yes.

Q: There are periods where it’s more mental or emotional, but…

A: Yes.

Q: And yet there’s still this sense of lack of completion…,

A: Yes.

Q: In me and I …, something you said the other day when you were doing that exercise on Awareness.

A: Yes.

Q: Was it [Inaudible] ‘Who is aware of that? ‘And even that sense of lack.

A: Yes.

Q: I ask myself.

A: Who is seeing that? Yes.

Q: Who is seeing?

A: Yes.

Q: And I can see that I am seeing and yet still there’s a there’s a lack of completion you’re seeing. Yes. There’s…, the light is there but…

A: Yes.

Q: It’s not unified in itself. It feels as though that’s the case. And that…

A: When you say light…

Q: Me as Awareness.

A: The same sense of Presence that we are talking about when we say ‘Can you stop being?’

Q: Yes.

A: You find that this light of Presence cannot be stopped, you see. Now, you are aware even of this? Isn’t it? Because we discussed the other day that there is sleep state also, where you say even the Presence is not there. In sleep you say nothing; not even light. So there is awareness of this state and of that state. For this Awareness, that is unchanging. That’s where we came to the other day, isn’t it?

Are you with me today on this? We can do it together again if you like.

Q: Yeah.

A: We will look together.

So the first question is: Can you stop being now? And when I ask, I know you know the answer but just try to stop being. Yes.

Q: Impossible.

A: You say impossible.

Now there is a seeing of this or a knowing of this; awareness of this, is there not?

Q: There is.

A: Yes.

Who is aware of this awareness? [Silence]

Q: It’s a hard one to answer cos there is an awareness but it’s…

A: You are reporting that there is an awareness. Who is aware of this awareness?

Don’t try to answer it; just look. [Silence]

This is a very beautiful question because here most concepts, most visualization, most of what the mind can give you as answers, as concepts in response to this starts to fade, doesn’t it?

A: Yes, there’s no words.

A: Yes.

Q: Yes.

A: Isn’t it so beautiful that I can say ‘Yes, I’m aware of this Being, of course I’m aware of the Being’ when I say ‘Who is aware of this awareness?’ [Laughing]

What is the confusion? The confusion is because the mind is lost. Because you know the answer is true and yet you do not see anything to confirm the answer. This is the only answer like this. You know it is true but you find no phenomenal evidence to confirm it.

A: I’m looking for something.

A: Yes.

Q: But the mind…

A: Yes. Yes, and it’s okay. This may be. This is a beautiful exercise; to look and you see that. You don’t say ‘Nobody is aware of it’. You don’t say ‘There is no awareness of it’. Obviously there is an awareness of it. Who is aware of it? It is I. I know this but I’m scared to report it because I don’t find this phenomenally to be able to report it, you see. Because we know it is I who is aware because nobody else is telling me. You see?

So, this is my way to introduce you to your non-phenomenal Self. And as you get more and more comfortable in this…, and who? Your own Being. Awareness is already comfortable as Awareness. Your own Being is losing all other ideas about itself and recognizing its Source to be this non-phenomenal one. It’s stuck here; the mind gets stuck here.

Q: Yes.

A: It doesn’t know where to go. It cannot say ‘No, I’m not aware. Then who is it? It cannot say that, you see. It cannot deny the existence of this Awareness and yet there’s nothing phenomenal that it finds. For everything else we rely on something phenomenal to confirm of its existence, isn’t it?

[Looking at his hands] You say ‘How many hands? One? Two’. Two hands you see. Everything else is a phenomenal confirmation. Here we know this already. I am aware; obviously I am aware, but this ‘I’ is not seen. How do I know I am aware? It gets lost here, isn’t it?

So, the truest answer is not for the mind. The recognition will not be for the mind because it’s not a phenomenal recognition. And it is not even a recognition actually because it I always recognized that always this is true.

Q: But there is a sense; there is an internal recognition.

A: Yes, yes, exactly…exactly… yes, yes. It’s just like this turning over of attention into nothingness almost and yet it is not the disappearance of this Awareness.

Q: It’s like my mind’s afraid to have nothing.

A: Yes, of course.

Q: Yes.

A: Because for the mind nothing means death and death is terrible for the mind. It does not want to die. And that is why it is in this point, at this question, that it will offer up all kinds of ideas, concepts, spiritual understanding, you know. You want to do some analysis of the Truth…, this kind of stuff. [Laughing]

Q: What…

A: Yes, you just. Yes, yes. So I said ‘Can you stop being now?’

Q: No.

A: You said ‘No’. You are aware that this Being is here?

Q: Yes.

A: Yes. Who is aware of this Awareness? [Silence]

[Laughing] Is it not You?

Q: Yes.

A: Yes…but? What did you see?

Nothing! And yet you know it’s You, undeniably. And yet you saw nothing. So, meet yourself as nothing. This is what it is meant.

Does this mean you exist or don’t exist?  [Lots of laughter]

You see? Now. Now all the words in Satsang will start to make sense because that’s why we say ‘You neither exist nor don’t exist’ because you don’t exist as a person but your Awareness cannot be denied. Yet it is not found as if it is something. It is nothing, you see.  So it is not the ‘nothing-nothing’ of this world. Isn’t it? It is You.

Q: Yes.

A: It is not the nothing where ‘What’s in this glass?’ Suppose it was empty; nothing. But you are there, because you are Aware. [Laughing]

Q: Yes and there’s no burden in that.

A: Yes.

Q: The burden of seeking of someone.

A: Yes. That we left far away, isn’t it? Then we go to here. Even in the question ‘Can you stop being now?’ we left all personal burdens behind. Because Being is just being. It’s not burdened by anything. You see? Imagine if you could have a conversation with your unassociated Being. It’s like Satsang, isn’t it? You come and say ‘Can you be burdened by something?’ … ‘What? Burdened? What could burden me? This entire realm is appearing and disappearing inside me. What in this can burden me?’

Only when You…, when It Itself, Being Itself, picks up an idea about Itself.

Q: Yeah.

A: And pretends ‘as if’. So it as simple as you saying that right now some idea started coming to you, that you’re this poor man; you have no money. Suppose you have these ideas? You have no plane ticket to get to Bali; all these ideas. You have nothing. Hah? You start believing all these things about you. Then even the getting to Bali, the going there will start to seem like a burden, isn’t it?…, immediately because you started believing these lies about yourself. In the same way if you believe the lie of being a person then all the personal burdens will seem real.

And the mind usually will come with some responses to this and say ‘He says; but what about my practical life and what about my job and responsibilities?’ What about them?! Nothing. Because there is no ‘you’ in this way, and the one who has been doing it so far will continue to do it; which is this Consciousness Itself.

[Silence] Is it possible to live like this? Yes.

Q: Yes. Well, I am anyway.

A: Exactly!

Q: Thank you.

A: So welcome, my dear.

So in the same way, we can just ask ourself:

‘Am I aware now?’ and

‘Who is aware of this awareness?’

It’s the same question actually twice. But it’s helpful to bring so much direction and focus into this question, you see. I feel it’s very, very useful.

Every time something like this appears actually, I feel like this should be completely enough for anyone now. Like when I said ‘Are you aware now?’ it’s so clear that ‘Yes, awareness of Awareness’.

But now as I’m saying this: ‘Who is aware even of this awareness?’ now I feel you cannot escape actually; unless you really, really want to.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Yes. Yes. Because we left the mind so far behind in this, isn’t it? Of course it still tries to sell you some story. But can it stand up to the light of this question?

I feel it has no power.

[Silence]

So, today is Tuesday and we use this day for silent contemplation, silent inquiry, to explore what should be the most natural expression actually. Because it’s so funny that we say ‘I’ so often, practically every sentence we use, we use the term ‘I’. But it’s funny that usually most of humanity hasn’t really gotten to the root of this ‘I’. Who am I? Because no mental concept, no understanding of what this ‘I’ is conceptually is enough. So let’s see today if we can unravel the mystery of this ‘I’. Who am I?

As we go through this contemplation together, notice that the mind will try to make its confusions and judgments, comparisons and interpretations. Just don’t engage with it, to whatever extent you can. Just allow it to come and go. If at the end of the inquiry all that we have with us is a mental conclusion, then it is not worthwhile. So, as much as possible, as naturally as possible, don’t engage with the interpretations and the conclusions of the mind.

Who is the witness of all phenomenon?

Is that phenomenal?

Or is it non-phenomenal?

Who witnesses sight, the seeing of phenomenal objects in the world?
Who witnesses this?

Who witnesses the hearing of sound?

Who witnesses the sensations of touch?

Who witnesses the smelling of smell?

Who witnesses the taste in your mouth?

Who is the witness of the sensations in the body?

Who witnesses the presence or absence of thoughts?

Who is the witness of memories and imagination?

Who is the witness of emotion; anger, fear, joy and bliss?

Who witnesses the coming and going of these?

Who is it that stands witness to even our sense of existence?

The one that is aware of the functioning of sight,

What does this one look like?

That which is aware of phenomenal seeing,

Is that phenomenal?

That which is aware of sounds,

Does that have a sound?

Can I touch the one that is aware of touch?

Can I smell the one aware of smell?

What is the taste of this awareness?

That which is aware of thoughts,

Is that in itself a thought?

All thoughts are coming and going.

Is this awareness also coming and going?

This Awareness witnesses all that is coming and going.

Is it in itself coming and going?

Who would be aware of that?

You are aware of your Presence,

Aware that you exist.

That which is aware of Presence,

Is that also a Presence?

Does presence or absence apply to That?

To That which is aware of waking and sleep,

Do these states make any difference?

To That which is aware of having a body, and there being nobody,

Does either make any difference?

Are you aware now?

How did you confirm this?

At what distance is this Awareness from you?
What point separates you?

That which is aware of Awareness,

That is the unchanging ‘I’.

Who is aware of this Awareness?

Remain with the emptiness of this recognition.

Are you aware now?

Remain here

In this place that you cannot leave.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

.

The inquiry is not over.

Don’t be in a rush to hold your minds hand. Allow it to leave.

Whatever ideas this mind has for you, they are not worth it.

Q: There’s also a wanting to explore this energy of addiction. It really is similar to food, or when I remember I used to smoke; this energy pulling back to the mind and belief in it. Can we look at this energy?

A: We’ve been speaking about this; to see that there seems to be this very, very basic urge to give belief to these thoughts. And it is my feeling that all of us must be able to look at this; to see what happens when a thought comes. Is it just the attention which goes on it? Or is there also an urge to believe it; especially when it seems like it is meaningful?

It is this urge, this addiction, which makes the simple pointing ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ almost impossible for many.

And just to bring our attention to it actually is enough, because this power of belief, mis-identification, conditioning, likes to operate in the dark. Quickly, Quickly, upon action. It’s like the buying of drugs or something, it happens in the dark, quickly; finished. As we bring our attention to this, we can see it now. Playfully; not to make serious business out of it, just playfully check. Remain in your neutrality and your emptiness. Allow all thoughts to come and go. [Silence] And see how belief actually operates.

Many of you will often find that in satsang the urge is not so strong, because the energetic Presence of satsang helps us remain more open. But we can check here, and also we can check when satsang is over.

Once you start seeing these ways of identification and the way of belief, in the spotting of it itself, it will start to settle more and more. Without this, you cannot construct the idea of an ego; without these concepts. All individuality, all separation is dissolved.

Observe the magnetism that some thoughts seem to have.

And for some of you, it might have become these spiritual thought now that seem to be magnetic. The idea that some mental understanding will be the end of this game is completely false.

As you start looking at this urge to believe, you will find that in some ways it is very similar to the urge to pick up the food; the urge to any addiction that you might have. That is why my Master [Mooji] says that Satsang is like a rehab. And the addiction that we’re dropping is our thoughts, our habitual belief in our thoughts, our identification with our thoughts.

And as we are following the pointings in satsang, coming to the recognition of who we are, then this recognition itself is a great way to drop this addiction, because all thoughts are referring to you personally, phenomenally.

As you’re recognizing more and more, you’re believing less and less.

Different Questioner: Father, is this energy of addiction not already a belief or an interpretation of what is going on, in a very subtle way?

A: Yes, we can say like this, that even this concept ultimately is not true. Yet it is a useful concept to remove other concepts. That is the only use of it. We’re not to make concepts; you’re not to hold onto any concepts in satsang. No truth has been shared here. No truth can be shared in concepts anyway. So, at best, we are just sharing concepts which help in the removal of other concepts.

So, if we come to satsang with our basket of concepts, and instead of using these set of concepts to remove them; if you’re just adding more and more of these to the already-existing ones, we’re adding to our conditioning, to our belief system in the personhood.

Ultimately even that is a concept. Even conditioning is a concept. And yet, our mental denial of it is not enough. You see? We can only deny it from the place of true recognition of what we are.

It was a good question.

Q: Anantaji, these profound questions you stated; if I heard them before, today I hear them for the first time:

1. Who is aware of Awareness?
2. Who is aware of the presence or absence of Awareness?

A: Actually, one is enough: “Who is aware of Awareness?”

This one is a big samuri sword.

The false cannot survive in the light of this question.

Q: My question is, the awareness that you were talking about, now, I’m aware of everything that’s around me, I’m aware of my thoughts. Is it the same awareness that you’re talking about? Is it the same? Or not?

A: This is a very good question. I enjoy very much that your first question itself is this one.

You say ‘I’m aware of thoughts, I’m aware of the world, I’m aware of even my Being. I’m aware of all of this content’. So let’s keep the content aside for some time; the ‘of’ this and the ‘of’ that…, keep that aside.

Now, we say ‘aware’. I’m aware of them. So, what is the meaning of this word aware?

Q: I am conscious of their presence.

A: You are conscious of their presence. And that which knows that you are aware of these objects, is which one? So, you’re aware of… whatever. But who knows of this awareness?

Q: Who knows this awareness? I’m aware that I’m aware.

A: You’re aware that you’re ‘I’ that is aware. Is that separate from awareness? Find this ‘I’.

Q: Yes.

A: It’s okay, take your time. This is the most important question I can ever ask you, so it doesn’t matter that it is the first question. You can relax into it.

You say very naturally that ‘I am aware that I am aware’. So I ask you ‘This ‘I’ that is aware of Awareness Itself…, which is this one?’

Q: Does awareness have a quality of sight to it? In other words…

A: Even sight, you are aware of.

Q: Not outside sight, but aware of the awareness, that is…

A: So, are you aware now?

Q: Yes.

A: Have you answered the question?

Q: I’m aware.

A: Yes. And how do you know this?

Q: I’m conscious.

A: Even this Being comes later, isn’t it? You’re aware even of Being.

There’s a difference between the two questions: Can you stop being now? Isn’t it? Can you stop being?

Q: No.

A: Because you’re aware of your Presence, of  your Consciousness. Isn’t it?

How is this question different from ‘Am I aware now?’

Q: Can you please repeat?

A: Yes. The first question was: Can you stop being now?
And the second question was: Am I aware now?

Can you sense a difference between these two questions?

Q: No, I can’t. Because what is Being? What is Being? I know I’m aware. And what is Being?

A: You know you cannot stop being. Just stop being for 10 seconds. Can you do it?

Q: No, I can’t.

A: Is it feeling the same? Is it being sensed as the same as saying ‘I cannot not be aware for 10 seconds’? Is there a qualitative difference?

Q: Between ‘I’m aware’ and I’m Being’…, and Being? I don’t know.

A: Okay, so let’s go back to our first question. You say ‘I am aware that I am aware’. And we said ‘Who is this ‘I’ that is aware of Awareness?’

Q: Uh huh.

A: Let’s look at that one.

And, like I said, no rush. Relax into the question; See. Don’t think about it. You see, thinking was just a presumption. Here, we’re contemplating; which means that we’re really Looking. Because it’s very natural to say ‘I am aware. I am aware even of this Awareness’. But this ‘I’ is which one?

Q: I don’t know what to call it or what it is. I’m sorry. I don’t…

A: Is it that you can see it, but it doesn’t have a label? What exactly is the problem? Is it the label that you don’t have? Or is it that it is not Seen?

Q: At this moment, I’m aware that I’m aware of something.

A: Yes. And this ‘I’ is which one?

The ‘of’ something is changing, so let’s leave that ‘OF’.

The ‘I’ that is aware is which one?

Q: I don’t know. I’ve never been with this…

A: And yet we call it ‘I’. You see? And yet we call it ‘I’. It’s undeniably ‘I’ isn’t it?

So this one is the root of what we are talking about in satsang.

Okay, so let’s do another approach. I tell you the answer, and you try to prove me right or wrong.

Q: Okay.

A: I tell you that it is ‘I-as-Awareness-Itself’ which is aware of Itself.

Q: Hmmm.

A: Therefore, ‘I’ is Awareness, aware of Itself.

Now, you can prove me wrong or right, just by checking.

Q: [Silence]

A: You cannot get there with the mind. Just look. Who is aware? I already said it is Awareness Itself.

Q: I would say there’s nothing else. There’s no other thing that is. Yes…

A: Therefore, this ‘I’…, is it a thing? Or no-thing?

The ‘of’ is all things; the ‘of’ is all things. Isn’t it? All phenomenon.

Q: Yes. It’s not. It’s not.

A: It’s not. And where are You in all of this? Are you a thing? Or no-thing?

Q: I’m …, I’m a no-thing, of course. But I’m often identified with the one that is …

A: Very good, very good. So, you say ‘I am no-thing, of course, but I am often identified’. So, how do you do this magic? How do you get identified?

Q: By a thought that arises.

A: Okay, so a thought comes ‘I’m a green martian’. Did you get identified? [Laughs] Because if it was just by arising of thought you were to get identified, then you would be all over the place. The thoughts can say anything. Then?

Q: This is my theory. Consciousness has the attribute of identifying. It identifies with all that.

A: Yes. And what is this Consciousness?

Because we said ‘I am this Awareness, which is no-thing’. Then where did Consciousness come from? What is this?

Q: Yes, you’re right.

A: No-thing can’t get identified; then there is something called Consciousness. Now, what is this Consciousness?

We’re unraveling this entire thing for you.

Q: Yeah. Thank you very much. Consciousness I would say is the entire content within the entire space in which things arise.

A: Yes. Where is this space?

Q: Within.

A: Within what?

Q: [Laughs]

A: If everything arises within This…, then This can be within What?

You already said ‘It is the space in which everything arises’. And I said ‘Where is this, in which everything arises?’ [You say]: ‘Within’.

Q: I’m identified with the body, and so I say ‘within… the space of the body’.

A: Within the body.

Q: Yep.
A: So, if I call a surgeon, I will find this Consciousness? Which part of the body?

Q: It’s formless, so I can’t…

A: Then how can it be within the body if it’s formless? Only form can be within form, isn’t it? Body is form. So that which is formless, how can it be within the form?

Q: The space…, I can only say ‘space’…,

A: Just look. I’ve given you a clue, which is that you cannot stop Being.

So, this Beingness is Consciousness.

Taste your own Beingness, and find out if anything is experienced outside of this Being?

Q: Nothing is experienced outside the Being.

A: And the body is within the Being? …, Or the Being is within the body?

Check for yourself: How do you experience the body? A set of sensations, and a visual experience.

Q: Yes.

A: All of this is outside the Being? Or within the Being?

Q: I would say it extends beyond the body. It extends beyond the body.

A: Ah. Where does it extend until?

Q: [Laughs]

A: What are the limits of this?

Q: No limits.

A: No limit. Okay. So then, there is an awareness of even this Being, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: Are you just saying because I’m saying? Or…?

Q: No. Awareness is of the body, and of the Being. Yes.

A: It is.

Now, is there a time where you don’t experience this Being? (From memory, you can say).

Q: When I’m sleeping.

A: Okay. Yeah? Very good. So then, when you wake up, what happens?

Q: When I wake up, the memory of the ‘I’ comes back again.

A: Is there a memory without there first being a sense of ‘I Am’ or Being?

What is the primal appearance?

Q: I Am. Yes.

A: First You Are, then all the objects can come.

Q: Right.

A: So, then what happens? So, you’re Being…, are you already identified?

Q: I’m identified the minute the memory comes back.

A: Okay, memory comes. How do you identify?

Q: Through a thought.

A: Okay. So thought came. How do you engage with a thought?

So, a thought came, which is an energy construct. It’s saying that ‘I’m a very good person’ or something. [Chuckles] Then what happens? How do you engage with this thought? It’s walking about ‘I am a good person’. How do you engage with this energy?

Q: Basically, I guess I believe, I identify with it.

A: So, there are two forces that engage with this thought. The first is the force of attention. You see? Attention goes to it and attention is a very sticky ‘animal’ to deal with. The more you try to control it, the more it seems to get out of control. But this is the first force.

But just because attention has gone to it, doesn’t mean that automatically the second force also goes: which is belief.

Do you see this? Because attention can go to any thought; like I said earlier ‘I’m a green martian’. The thought can come, and we have Seen that attention has gone to it. Then we need to believe it, isn’t it? You see?

Q: Yes.

A: So, the power of belief is what we use to identify or to condition ourself.

So this Awareness, then is appearing as Being and experiencing its own Being. And within this space of Being, within this play of Being, there’s the appearance of all of this realm, including the appearance of the energy called thought.

And this Being, with the power of its attention and belief, is pretending to be [you] Savitha.

Q: Yes.

A: Right now, you cannot become Savitha unless you think about it. You have to think about it.

So, this is the play. So, God pretending to be a person is God believing its next thought.

Q: There is a thought that there is always memory, so memory is going to tell me that ‘I’m Savitha’.

A: Yes, but just like this realm is appearing, the images of memory can also appear, orr imagination can also appear. But without the interpretation of these in the form of thoughts, and Consciousness believing the interpretation, you cannot identify as Savitha. Even if memories are coming from childhood, they’re just appearances; they’re just appearing. But unless there’s an interpretation…, (‘This was good, it happened to mewhen I was a kid’ or ‘Not good, it happened to me’)…, no identification is being created.

You can check all of this, play with all of these things, experiment with them. And see this play of attention, belief…, therefore leading to identification.

But you know what the good news is? In This Moment, you are Free…

Q: [Chuckles]

A: …unless you pull the next bit of identification, the tree of identification, already underwater.

Q: But unless this is the main mode in which I function, I will be confused with play of…

A: There are two things are happening here. One is that you’re coming to the recognition of What You Are. So when we were checking ‘Who is aware? Who is aware? Who are you?’ …, that is to provoke the recognition of who You Are.

And the second is the dropping of the false conditioning, the belief system, about what we believe ourself to be. Isn’t it?

So recognition; you were saying. The more you come, the more you’ll recognize who You Are.

And the more you are letting go of these thought, you will find that it is going to become more and more difficult for you to presume yourself to be a separate entity or the ego.

Q: Hmm. But now the Consciousness is looking outside, so it is constantly avoiding that. Now, is it possible…, what does it mean, the saying ‘Look at the one who’s looking’?

A: We saw this, no? You say that ‘Consciousness is doing this’. Are you aware of it? Or no?

Q: Yes.

A: Yes. So, ‘That which is aware… who is That one?’ …, is the same question as ‘Look at who is looking’.

Q: Accha. Is that all awareness is then? I mean…

A: Is that all it means? [Laugh together]

Q: Can I ask you a question? Is the ‘I Am’ not working in you?

A: It is only the ‘I Am’ that is functioning in this realm.

Q: I mean to say, the egoic identity. Is it…?

A: It’s mostly not functioning. Nobody can say 100%.

Q: I see. [Chuckles]

A: So, what does that mean? It only means if you report back from the last few years, you find that most thoughts have not been believed in, they have just been allowed to come and go. Therefore, I’m not identified as this separate entity for some period of time now. I cannot predict about the next minute, or tomorrow; I’m not making any proclaimation. I’m just reporting from what has been seen here.

Q: How do I know more about the Awareness that I Am? Because I have to know for myself that I’m not a separate…, this is not a separate identity? That I have to arrive…, I would say, there’s need to arrive at That.

A: Okay. If you leave That and show me, then I will tell you how to arrive at That. Leave Awareness.  Don’t be aware. Leave It. Can you do it?

Q: Yeah. I can do that. [Laughs]

A: [Laughs]

Q: I leave it a lot. [Laughs]

A: Let’s see…

Q: [Silence]

A: Not happening?

Q: No. [Laugh together]

A: You see, because it cannot happen. Even to say that ‘I was not aware’…, who would say that? That one who is aware that I was not aware. Yeah?

So, this is the back-drop to everything. The entire play of Consciousness is happening in the back-drop of Awareness. So, you cannot leave it.

Q: That’s awesome. [Giggles]

The mind gives you this task, it says that ‘Okay, now you Saw it. Now you better just Be in That’. You see? So…, instead of that: See how you can leave That.

Like you said, you can only pretend to leave by buying what your thoughts are telling you, because all thoughts are speaking to you as if you are a separate entity.

But this one, you can’t find. Savitha, can you find?

Q: No, I can’t.

A: But…

Q: I would like to know…, I mean, I would like to dwell in it more. I mean, because I’m not willing to give up my life situation. So, is it possible to dwell…?

A: The ‘I’ that doesn’t want to give up the life is which one?

Q: It’s the one that’s identified with it; the beliefs.

A: It’s the voice of the identification itself, you see, the mind itself. It says ‘Yes, yes. This is cool stuff, but you know, don’t change my life!’ [Laughs]  … Whose voice is this?

Q: Yeah.

A: Just the mind, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: Because Consciousness is projecting this entire Universe, is doing everything. But the mind comes and says ‘But, hey, don’t mess up my life, okay?’

Q: Thank you so much.

A: Thank you, my dear.

Just now. Allow yourself to dive into your Self.

No matter how empty it might seem.

No matter which fear might be coming up.

Experience this nothingness which you are,

Which is not an empty nothing;

Not even a full nothing.

Even ‘empty’ and ‘full’ don’t apply.

Just no-thing.

I was just sharing this morning with someone that ‘Just stay here’ usually implies that we must be close to everything else. But this ‘stay here’ is different. This ‘stay here’ is to stay here, as you are, and remain completely open to what is coming and going.

Now you see that you cannot leave this, actually.

And you will find that this Supreme Intelligence that is running this life also provides the life energy. There is nothing that the non-existent entity, which is just a presumed entity, can do to increase this life force. It’s another presumption; just like the presumption that ‘I can control my life’.

How are you creating? Not possible. So let the One that is producing or not producing that energy, let that one feel guilty.

That’s why we keep coming back to the same points, isn’t it? One is to find out who we are. And if it feels like that is not happening in the moment, (or for those of you who are more devotional in your temperament), say ‘Take it up with my Father’.

You remain empty.

(…)

What do we ‘fill up’ with? What does it mean to be empty?

It is to just See that what already Is, is completely empty.

And there’s a primal urge to fill up with these concepts. But nothing can actually fill up this emptiness, you see. We keep trying to become something, but we remain no-thing.

What happens at this time? That’s what I want to know from all of you. When it feels so open and empty, allow yourself to experience the fear if it comes, to experience the sense of discomfort, the urge to go with concepts. Remain open to all that is coming and going. Don’t take up a position. Don’t believe a judgment. Don’t interpret anything. Don’t judge your progress. All these ‘Don’ts’ are just [meaning] ‘allowing’. Allow everything to come and go.

The mind hates the recognition; hates the recognition! So the instant you get into the clear Seeing of who You Are, which is available any instant, it has to jump in with some tantrum. Either while your being lazy…, ‘Do something!’ Or ‘I don’t want to do something; I want to be lazy’.

That’s why these days we’ve been focusing so much not just on the recognition, (because I feel that the recognition of who You Are is available for most of you), but on not picking up this instant conditioning which shows up almost immediately.

The question ‘Are you aware now?’ is meant to provoke some looking, some Seeing. Very quickly the mind comes as the reporter, and it’s very quick to say that nothing happened. ‘Oh, I saw that I am aware, but so what?’ You see? So, everything, actually! Not ‘So what?’ …, So, everything! You recognize yourSelf as awareness. Awareness is aware of Itself…, is the only non-phenomenal experience; (if we can even call it that).

Nothing from the mind is worth picking up about this. How do you know that you are aware? You See it? How do you know you are aware? Is it an experience? Is it phenomenal? You see? How do we know that we are aware?

That which is ever-present is always taken for granted. So a rare one has looked at this question: how do I know of my awareness? In what way do I know?

And I’m sure for many of you, the mind could be going ‘Chatter, chatter, chatter’ because it hates this stuff. I’m saying ‘How do you know that you are aware?’ and it’s going ‘Blah, blah, blah, blah’. [Laughs] So boring, so dull. That which is the origin of life, even prior to the origin of life, the most pristine, the most pure, the most innocent, the simplest Seeing, the mind says ‘Blah, blah. What’s in it for me? What’s in it for me? So what if I’m aware? What about my problems?’ And Guruji says ‘We don’t even know our problems 3 problems ago’. Just distraction, you see, these ideas; comparing, judging. The mind believes itself to be so special that that which is truly special and pristine; that it avoids.

Don’t avoid this question. Which mouth it is coming from doesn’t matter; how it is being expressed doesn’t matter.

How do you Know of this Awareness?

Are you aware of it?

Who are you that is aware of Awareness?

Who is the ‘I’ that says ‘I am aware’?

Don’t run from this recognition.

Allow your attention to dive into this, to merge into this.

Who are you?

Who is aware?

Don’t believe any report. Just keep looking. See for yourself. The inquiry is not about coming to a mental conclusion about something. No mental conclusion ever helps with anything.

Who is aware?

Who is aware?

Don’t question the question. Look for the answer.

Who is aware now?

Is it not You?

What do you look like?

Where are you located?

What is your form?

Are you an object sitting inside your head?
Who would see this?

From what did you arise?

Who am I?

What is here now?

Who is looking at what is here?

Who is aware of what is here?

What is here now?

Do you exist?

Or no?

Are you aware of your existence?

Don’t visualize; don’t create anything.

If you can’t avoid mental imagery, ask yourself:

‘Who is aware even of this image?’

Whether it is white light or dark space, it is not in that.

Who is aware of even these?

In a conceptual framework, it is not.

In a visual framework, it is not.

Who are you?

Can you stop existing?

Now. Can you not exist now?

Who is aware of this sense of existence?

Where do you start from?

What is your end?
Where are your boundaries?

Where does this idea of me come from?

‘Me, me, me’.

Check for yourself. Look for yourself.

Don’t go with any theory.

Who is this ‘me’…,

the one with likes and dislikes, desires and aversions, guilt and pride?

Who is this one?

What she said was ‘To go with an interpretation is actually an avoidance of giving it to you’.

This is very, very beautiful. When we go with our interpretation of something, our belief about something, it is avoidance. It is not surrender. So surrender means that we don’t have any concept of what is, we don’t have any interpretation of what is, we don’t have a judgment about what is. What is, just ‘Is’. So when we buy our own ideas, then it is not surrendered at the Master’s feet. This is very good.

This is why the pointer is ‘Don’t believe your next thought’. Because in our belief in our thought, we are picking up our individuality. You see?

Why do I emphasize on this point so much? It is not because of what the thought might be reporting in terms of ‘the appearance is wrong’. It is not because of that. It is because what is presumed because of it is that you exist as a separate entity. All thoughts are of a separate entity.

The one that needs these thoughts does not actually exist. And anytime we go with our concepts and beliefs, interpretations and judgments then we have shifted away from the surrender position and we have said ‘This is mine. This thought is mine. It is meaningful to me’. It’s never real; it’s just a presumed idea.

Okay, so this point that I have been making, that just right now: it’s all about the right now! And know that I am not speaking about…, like mostly in the world when we are talking about ‘Now, now’ we are talking about the content of the appearance. I am not speaking about the content of the appearance.

I am just saying that, in this moment, you are aware of your own existence!

You are tasting your own Presence!

And there is nothing personal about this Presence.

All sensations and sounds and everything is being experienced; and still no person!

Therefore we don’t need to get rid of a person, it is just recognized that there is no person! And because we have this power of belief, we can believe it into presumed existence! So that’s all that is happening!

We all see this? [Smiles] I can repeat (this) many times. I am happy to do this. For the next 10 years I can keep repeating just this point, because this is the crux of what I am talking about. Hmm.

Just now, you are aware of your own existence.

There is existence, you are tasting your own presence, and no person is here!

All appearances are coming, sensations, sounds, everything, and still no person!

It’s only the power of belief that brings this non-existent one into its ‘presumed’ existence! That’s all that is happening!

You see this? That’s all that needs to be seen.

I am aware of my existence! [Silence]

Don’t take on any role!

Don’t take on any intention!

Don’t take on any journey!

Whatever the mind is saying, let it go!

Whatever feelings are coming, let them come, stay for as long as they like, and go!

No pulling, no pushing!

Some fear can come, let it also come!

Don’t buy any story about this fear!

Don’t buy any escape from this situation!

Allow everything to play itself out!

This is the true meaning of ‘Be quiet!’

Whether your mind is screaming or whispering, let it go!

[Long silence]

Nothing else. Here you are, and in this there is nothing missing. We are looking for something which cannot disappear, that is always here, and as long as we keep looking for it seemingly outwards, then we will not find it in this way. Where must the feet walk to find the feet? Where must the hands go to find the hands? But before you go looking for the Self, you already Are. And you always will Be. That is the unchanging.

The unchanging is never changing, by definition. That makes it so simple, doesn’t it? The Unchanging, the Eternal, the Unborn. Then can we find it in the realm of the changing? So what is not changing? What is not changing?

[Anantaji reads an answer from the sangha on the interactive chat columns]: The real ‘I’ is not changing. Awareness, you are answering. Yes, very good. Is the changing effecting the unchanging in any way? [Smiles] So if that which is changing is not affecting the unchanging in anyway; the real ‘I’, this Awareness is unchanging even through the change of states, through all experiences. You are not changing. World is changing body is changing, thoughts are changing, the states are changing. That which Witnesses them, That which is Aware of them…, That remains unchanged, no matter what. And you see this.

Every time you check (for most of you who have been in satsang) every time you check you find this unchanging Awareness. Between yourself and this Awareness, [is there any distance?]

So once the recognition is there, how is it that you still manage to make yourself suffer? The mind offers an escape route. When this question is asked, and the recognition is there, then how is it you still manage to make yourself suffer? The first response is from the mind. ‘No, I cannot suffer because I am the unchanging Awareness. I cannot suffer’. The second can be to check and to see; what is at the root of this suffering? Because every time I check, I recognize that I am this Awareness which cannot suffer in any way. Suffering is an alien concept for That which I truly Am.

So what can happen is…, ‘What is it that convinces me that life should be different, should be not how it is appearing?’ Is life itself the appearances called life? Is life itself saying it should be different? It is just what it is.

It is just what it is, and nothing is resisting that. We’ve all found ourselves in very difficult seeming-situations, and in those situations the responses that were required also came and the outcomes that were meant to happen also happened. So what is it that is constantly saying ‘Not like this, not like that, I wish it was like this, I wish it was like that’ or ‘This is wrong, this is very good. I want this, I don’t want this’? We’ve gotten used to this voice, you see? And even now it could be going ‘Yes, yes, no, no, yah, yes, no, yes, this is good! No, really?’ So this one, [Smiles] if we rely on this one for validation of who we are, and whether we are on the right track or not, then we just going to be led down the garden path again and again on this merry-go round of individuality.

So the recognition is very clear. And yet it is habit to believe, to identify; and that is magic, some sort of divine magic, leela, that, that one that we cannot find, that has become our addiction. And This that is always here, this seems like effort. [Smiles] That which we cannot find seems to have become more natural, and that which is effortless seems to become hard work; so much so that the inclination is to find freedom for the non-existent one, because one day maybe it will become so happy that maybe it will shut up. It won’t. [Laughs]

You tried catering to every need of this non-existent one whose only representative is this minds voice. The stomach is never full; always ‘What’s next? What’s next? What’s next? This is good, this is bad, I want this, I want to keep this, I don’t want to lose this, I don’t want this’.

[Silence]

What is here that is prior to any of this? And we have bought a lot of lies from this mind and from the minds of seeming others; even things like ‘Without the mind you would not eat, you would not take care of this body’. It’s not true. Suppose the mind suddenly started speaking Albanian or something…, if the mind stopped speaking (whatever language, English, whichever language your mind is speaking), and suddenly started speaking another language, would you forget how to eat? Would you not experience hunger? Life is going on independent of this mind. The mind is just an instrument that interprets and makes patterns where none exist. Everything is just a movement in Consciousness. That is the only pattern; that it is all one Being, one Consciousness.

The mind is designed to make an individual story where none really exists. To play at the identity is to just float on the surface, never really looking at the ocean of Consciousness on which this tiny speck called the body/mind is floating.

To the mind, this emptiness is a very scary concept. And as you’re recognizing yourSelf, you’re recognizing that you’re empty of all desire, all plans, all aversion, all opinion; empty even of all spiritual knowledge. And the mind fears this emptiness. So it is in this moment that it offers you a piece of candy. And it is in this moment that God chooses to remain as God, or God chooses to pretend to be a person; just Now, in this moment. This is what I want you to see: This ‘right Now’ I Am un-associated Being.

There are no conditions to your existence. There is no lack, there is no judgment, there is no freedom, there is no bondage. Just Now, this divine moment, you are God.

Have your own Darshan. Let the fear come if it has to, let the world burn if it has to. You stay Here. Don’t expect, don’t push, don’t avoid. Simply allow, remain open. Have no concept about yourself.

[Silence]

It’s all about this: Just Now. It’s only about this.

[Silence]

Appearances are appearing. You remain untouched.

[Silence]

Not waiting, not trying; not getting anything.

[Silence]

Only I am here. There is no ‘you’ or ‘me’.

[Silence]

Not resisting, not believing.

[Silence]

You are Here Now.

[Silence]

Drop all ideas.

There is nothing you have to do.

[Silence]

Can you lose this?

Can you be lost?

[Silence]

If you sense some suffering, it only means that you have picked up a belief. You cannot suffer without belief. You cannot suffer without an idea of you. It does not need an idea. And if you still feel that you can hold onto some idea and then drop this conditioning; that is not possible.

This Liberation, the ending of conditioning, is the ending of all concepts about yourself.

Q: What’s happening here is there is some frustration coming up that I, first of all, just wanted to surrender to you and place at your feet. And there is just this yearning to know the truth which keeps growing every day. But there is a frustration that’s coming up because it seems like the mind is expecting some event or some kind of …, I know you were talking about it in the concept satsang that I heard this morning/yesterday. It seems to be some concept about enlightenment or awakening or finding the truth should be something other than being aware of your Awareness.

So I wanted to surrender that because something here is also noticing that in the mind, and understands that maybe it’s not an event; that maybe it’s just a slow marination until the understanding completely sinks in. But then also there is sometimes…, when the day gets really hectic and crazy; we’re going through some personal transitions, and on those days, the ‘don’t believe your next thought’, that pointer doesn’t really work for me. Because there is just too many thoughts to really focus on and not believing the next one. [Laughter]

So the thing that I use is your third, the third pointer that you were talking about yesterday which is asking ‘Am I aware now?’ or ‘Who am I?’ And somehow that directs the Consciousness or Awareness back to itself for a while. That seems to work better.

But then I was speaking with Ron and he was saying that maybe there is some kind of mental construct forming around that, versus ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ because ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ should be technically the easiest one. So, so, I don’t know…I don’t know. There is some frustration coming up. [Laughter]

A: Yes, yes. Okay, so let’s break this down a little bit because you’ve touched on a few areas. So let’s start with the first one, which is itself an interesting thing to look at. So when you say…, [inaudible]

Q: You were breaking up so I didn’t hear you, sorry.

A: I see, I see. Let me try and repeat. You touched on a few good points. Let’s break it down a bit so we can go one by one.

You say that there is frustration coming up and it is interesting itself to look at frustration as opposed to, let’s say anger or greed or lust. What do we mean when we say frustration, or guilt, or remorse, or regret or pride? How are these so-called emotions different from just anger, irritation, bliss, joy? For guilt, or remorse, or regret, or frustration, pride, grievances…, for all of these, we need to have picked up a concept. It’s almost like we mixed the emotion, which is coming with some idea, and we made guilt out of it, or frustration out of it. For frustration, for example, if you had no idea what it should be, what the outcome is, what Freedom is, how anything is supposed to turn out then you cannot get frustrated. It’s only if you think you know how something should be, if you think you know that this should work or this should not work, how this works versus how another pointer works. You see? That means that there is already a presumed idea of Freedom, or some outcome either in a situation or in life itself. Frustration is what? Frustration is basically a mini tantrum, isn’t it? [Laughter] ‘I wanted things to be a certain way and they are not that way’. So frustration is just that. The sense that ‘It should be like this by now. Why isn’t getting there?’ or something like this or what it should be like. And then when some feeling of anger or just some tantrum energy is coming up, we mix it with some ideas of outcomes and we say ‘I am getting frustrated’. So, if we didn’t know anything…? Because satsang actually is very, very frustrating for the mind. It has some glimpses of Freedom, it feels like the person will get some Freedom now, but very quickly you come to the conclusion that there is nothing personal which is happening here. And as it’s coming to that, then some frustration will come.

Q: Yeah, and just to your point, I want to also just lay at your feet and expose and surrender this; you’re exactly right. Because when I see other people getting in satsang and I’m not getting it that just irritates me even more, [Laughter] and I just want to expose my mind on that because then I get irritated that I’m irritated that other people are getting it because it should be a sweet thing. [Laughter].

A: [Laughter] Yes, yes. You pick up the first course of the meal and you go through the entire seven courses. First you buy some idea about somebody getting it, then you buy the idea ‘Why I am not getting it?!’ then you buy the idea ‘I should not be jealous of somebody else getting it’ then you buy the idea ‘I’m so unworthy and not only am I not getting it, I’m also unworthy, because I still feel jealous and resentment towards the sangha’.

So you buy this one idea, the starter, you just nibble at the starter, and soon you find yourself eating the Tiramisu at the end of the meal or something. [Laughter]. You see, it’s like this. In all of this, there is no ‘I’ like this who will get it. There is nobody in the sangha, although we can speak getting it, but nobody is getting it personally. If anyone is proclaiming that they got it, personally, then that is just spiritual ego. Because nobody is getting anything. If there is a getting involved then they were not already That.

So there could be two aspects to this. The recognition you yourself, when asking ‘Am I aware now?’ it becomes very clear. Awareness is here. Who is aware of this awareness? Awareness itself, you see.

So this recognition is un-miss-able actually. The recognition is un-miss-able. So, whether your mind certifies the recognition or not, it is impossible to openly ask the question ‘Am I aware now?’ and for the recognition not to happen.

Awareness is here. Who knows that? Awareness itself.

Who is coming to the recognition? Your dynamic aspect which is Consciousness.

Don’t try to understand these words because the mental understanding will only be the mind’s attempt to get it. And if it is getting frustrated for not getting it, it is better that it just gives up, trying to get it. So this is the first aspect which is the recognition of the truth of what you are.

So ‘How come there are others who don’t seem like they are victims and I still seem to go along with my mind?’ …, that which we call the dropping of the conditioning or dropping of the belief system of the person. But often I have said that it’s only about the right now. If right now you are not believing what your thoughts are saying then you’re as free as the Buddha ever was. In Right Now. That’s all there is to it, you see. Right now if there is a simple allowing of these thoughts to come and go, it cannot prey on you and you’re as free as the sages.

So you’ll continue to spot it. There are some who don’t seem to be picking up from this conveyer belt of thoughts, and the conveyer belt of thoughts is not even attractive to them anymore. How did they rid themselves of this? Just by not picking up the one that is appearing now. That’s all there is to it. But if you pick up some idea about it then we create separation again. ‘Oh, I am like this, they are like this’. Any idea about this is not serving the truth of what You Are. And the mind will come and say ‘But this is a practice’. Why must I do a practice? Actually it is the dropping of the practice of believing these thoughts. That is the practice, that is the doing. We are dropping this malpractice actually. [Chuckles]

So all that is needed, if at all it is feeling that something is needed, all that is needed is to be open in this moment and allow these thoughts to just be tourists and allow them to come and go. Then you will not be doing the mixing of thoughts and emotions, and making guilt, frustration and all these ‘grade B’ emotions (as I call them). By continuing to do it [picking them up], you will not be rid of them. So by continuing to consume [the idea] ‘Why am I not rid of them? Why am I not rid of them?’…, you are not getting rid of them [Laughter]. It’s just about Right Now. Can we remain open, can we remain in this neutrality of allowing the thought to come and go?

There was one more aspect to your question, which was that between the pointings of ‘Don’t believe your next thought, Can I stop being now, Am I aware now’…, they are all interrelated actually. One is not independent of another. Because even ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ will not work as a personal strategy, you see. If you feel ‘I will just use the technique don’t believe your next thought and I will become free’ it will not work. Because if the presumed idea is that, if the dominant idea is still of being a person, then you will find (just like you are reporting) that when the thoughts come, oh!, then belief just goes there; because there is belief in the idea of personhood.

So if you find the pointing ‘Am I aware now?’ shows you that there is no person here, then as you keep contemplating this question, as you keep recognizing yourself, you will find the other two pointers more natural and simpler. So the recognition of who we are helps us not believe that which is false. Once we recognize that the sun comes from the east, (although our belief system could be that the sun comes from the west, and the mind keeps repeating it)…, once we check then the next time when the mind comes, you will not buy it so easily. You see? ‘But I saw, I saw it came from the east; I saw there is no person here!’

But still the mind will come with its doubts. ‘Maybe that was just for today. It was an exception. Or maybe you were just faking it, you didn’t really see the sun from the east’. It will come up with all of these objections. Then what to do? Check again. And when you check, you See it comes from the east. So in this way the belief system is also crumbling. And when the next thought comes ‘No, no. Did you really see it coming from the east? Maybe you were just faking it’…, then the belief doesn’t go strongly into this thought.

So it is not necessarily linear although in most it seems easier to drop our belief in the next thought; and initially the pointing ‘Am I aware now?’ seems more abstract. But it doesn’t have to be that way, if you’re getting the moments of recognition that ‘Yes, awareness is here and awareness is aware of it and I, as Being, am coming to this recognition’.

Even without this explanation, many times you’ll see that ‘Something just becomes peaceful but I am not able to explain what happens’. Don’t worry about the reporting and the explanation. This recognition is happening with this pointing and you’ll find automatically the belief will not go so much because none of your thoughts apply to the formless Awareness. All thoughts are about forms. Even the thought ‘I am formless’ implies that there is a form which is now formless or something like this.

Who is the one that is trying to become free?

Who is trying to use these pointers?

Q: Yeah, that one is, that one is observed as well.

A: As what?

Q: Hmm.

A: How do you observe it? Is it even observed? Or is it just presumed? [Laughter]

Q: I mean, I, ha…, that’s a good question. It’s…, I can see in my mind sort of like when I look at it…, I want to say in mind’s eye but that doesn’t seem right. I can see myself doing the seeking. So that’s what I mean when I say ‘It’s observed’.

A: Ok, let’s slow it down, let’s slow it down. So you say ‘I see myself seeking’. Actually you’ll find that this thought ‘I’m seeking’ can come and go. The thought is Seen. The movements of the body are Seen. What is it, this mix of what you are calling ‘I see myself seeking’? Is this the movement combination, the body-mind complex, that we say ‘I see myself seeking’? Is the body-mind you? Or is it just a set of appearances?

Q: I see that there is some greater space from which this body-mind is doing its seeking thing and praying thing and frustration thing. Like I see it from some, some space above it, if you will.

A: Yes, but do you see the seeker? Or are you calling the seeker just this body-mind combination?

Q: I’m just calling this body-mind combination the seeker but I haven’t identified a physical entity called the seeker. [Laughter]

A: Yes, yes, because it doesn’t exist; because it doesn’t exist, you see? The body is just an appearance, and right now it is experienced as a set of sensations. Thoughts are just appearances, coming and going. So, there is no entity which makes up this body-mind. They are both just appearances.

When there is a thought, we call it the mind. When there is no thought, there is no mind. When there is an experience of a sensation of the body then there is body. When there is no sensation experience, there is no body. There is no ear unless I experience some sensation of the ear. This is our experience, isn’t it?

Q: Right.

A: You see? So the seeker is just a presumed entity; just a presumption that is a supposed owner of this body-mind or the supposed combination of this body-mind. But there is no such entity. The body is just the body. It is not seeking anything at all. The mind is going; so when a thought is there, we call it mind. When thought is not there, we call it no-mind.

There is no seeker. That’s why I prefer to say that the ego is just a presumption, rather than actually seen. Not even in imagination it is seen.

Q: So where is this yearning coming from, this yearning for the truth? Is that the seeker creating this? Or is it coming from somewhere else?

A: The yearning is the sweet longing to drop this false identity, which is like Consciousness itself saying ‘I’m done with this play’ or the child saying ‘I am tired of this playground, I want to get back home’.  So the yearning you will find…, if it is what I feel it is…, this longing or this yearning you will find that it has a different quality as compared to frustration; this yearning, this longing for freedom. This is just your inner alarm clock saying ‘This play is getting too tiresome, now it’s time to rest at home’.

Now don’t give this one to the mind because it will make an idea of what the yearning wants or what the longing wants; and then when it feels like it’s getting to that idea, then it will feel a sense of specialness. And then when it feels like ‘It doesn’t look like I’m getting there’ then it will create a sense of frustration. So, don’t give it to the mind at all. Let the yearning, longing be. It’s all part of the same grace which is getting you to satsang, that has made you open to the inquiry. It’s all part of that same grace.

So, in yesterday’s satsang we decided that all of us are going on a ‘no-concept’ diet. No concept diet. Because these concepts, with the illusion of knowing something, with the presumed idea of knowing something, really are a distraction from True understanding and True Knowing-ness. The truth does not need a concept. Therefore, at best, a concept can now be used only to remove other concepts.

So, if we can go on this ‘no-concept’ diet, then very quickly you will find that even the recognition that we have been looking for, the ‘I’ that we have been searching for, it will seem like the most natural recognition, the most natural Seeing. Because It already Is what You Are, therefore it cannot be found in that way; in the minds way of finding something, it cannot be found. It already Is. Therefore what we have to See is What already Is. This that is here, ‘I’ that is here, what is that ‘I’? And soon the idea of trying to find ‘I’ will start to sound funny, it will start to sound ridiculous. ‘I’ goes searching for the ‘I’. [Chuckles] Can we not see what ‘I’ is already here? Who is the ‘I’ that is going searching?

So, the ‘I’ will not be found anywhere in this realm; in the holy places it will not be found, in satsang it will not be found, in the market place of the world it will not be found…, unless we turn it around and look at the One who is looking. Turn it around and look at the One who is looking. Unless you do that, you can be here in thousands of satsangs, and will still be skimming the surface; surfing the waves of beautiful spiritual ideas, feeling a little bit better about ourselves for a while. But that’s not what we’re here for.

Who is the ‘I’ that says ‘I’m looking for the Self’? Is that not the Self? Who is undertaking this journey? What are you to begin with? Where must I go to find myself? You see? So if you are somewhere else and you have to go and find that one, who will embark on this journey? Who is here? Can we establish that before we establish what to do next?

[Tremendously long silences between these sentences]:

Let’s establish: who is here, right now.

Who is witnessing all of this realm…,

the objects seemingly external and seemingly internal.

The objects seeming to be outside the eyes,

and the objects seeming to be inside the eyes.

Which sight are you using to see these?

Which sight sees your imagination?

Which sight perceives your memories?

Through which lens do we look at these;

thoughts, emotions, memory, imagination,

all of these internal-seeming objects?

Who is witnessing these?

Where is that one located?

Don’t think about the answer. Look.

For all of these.

And don’t move a step until you establish who this one is.

Who witnesses thoughts, and the space between thoughts?

Don’t begin any journey until you first establish who you are.

Don’t go to any spiritual concept, because that is also escapism.

Don’t even label what you find.

Just look.

Who is the one that is looking?

Don’t get distracted by anything.

There is nothing more important than this looking.

Don’t interpret or judge anything which is appearing.

Allow the interpretations to come and go.

Find out who is looking.

Is this Witnessing dependent on any appearance?

Drop all reports about what is happening.

Allow them to come and go.

And see for yourself whether something is happening to this Witnessing.

Through which eyes do you see your thoughts?

Through which senses do you perceive your memories?

What is the form of this Witness?
Where is it located?

What are the size and dimensions of this Witness?
What is Your form?

How do we know of something called form-less-ness?

If everything phenomenal is form,

how do we know there is something which is form-less?

That which is aware of form-less-ness,

is that form-less?
Or does it have a form?

The awareness of form and form-less,

(saguna and nirguna),

is that form or form-less?

Is that phenomenal or non-phenomenal?

What do You look like?

If the body vanished, it became invisible,

then what remains?

[?] …you have, isn’t in this body.

But what is Your original face?

What has remained unchanged?

Who Am I?

What is my location?

What am I?

Where are my boundaries?
Where do I start?

Where do I end?

[an hour of silence]

Allow everything to come and go.

Remain completely open.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Before I can be anything at all, what am I? Before I take any position, any perspective, any identity, any role? This question has been pushed away, has been denied in the world. Yet we start getting attracted to this question: who is this ‘I’ that everything else seems to be about?

‘My life, my roles’. Everything is about this ‘me’ but who is this’ me’? ‘My house, my body’…, whose? We seem to be able to push it aside so easily. That’s the miracle, you see? (That’s the magic; I won’t call it a miracle exactly.) [Chuckles]

It’s some sort of magic, that this ‘I’ that seems to be at the center of all of this most of us are not willing to look at that, or look for that. Our knowing itself, (our mental knowing), is a form of denial; our conclusions are a form of denial. ‘I’ cannot be known in this way, just like these eyes cannot see themselves.

The Truth is too much for the mind; basically just too much for the mind. And it comes with all kinds of resistances. First to avoid the looking. Then it comes in the form of resistances. And the form of holding onto the insights themselves, (even if there is the looking). It holds onto these insights from the past, as if it is this that we need to verify who we are. And then it doesn’t even hold onto these insights, it just holds onto the idea that ‘I know something’. All these are basically all the various forms of denial.

So the most simple ones are these basic ones which the mind can throw at you on a day to day basis, which is ‘What’s the point of this? I’m getting nothing. Is this it? But it’s so empty, what can I do with this? Does this mean I’ve found the Truth?’ All of these are the basic ones. [Chuckles].

Then if you have a spiritual experience, then it hangs onto that and says ‘Yes, that’s how it always should be. That which I saw, it was so clear. I was just not there, there was nothing’. In the ‘There was’…, the phrase ‘There was‘ implies that there is something now, so already the mind has won in a way. So, it’s not [about] hanging onto past spiritual experiences, because of what value are they except as pointers to the Now, pointers in the Now for us to be able to check ‘Who am I right now?’

So the first form of resistance is the resistance to the looking itself, then if some clear moments of insight have happened, (even if awakening experiences have happened), the mind quickly wants to jump in and participate in that and say ‘Oh that was so cool, isn’t it? It’s so good what I saw’. [Chuckles] So the instant we find ourselves going to the past to validate who we are then we know that we are falling for a trick. It’s not about what you saw, it’s about who you are Now, who is seeing Now?

And the third form of resistance is when it develops into some sort of spiritual ego; it takes these insights and makes something special out of you. So sometimes I say that ‘Don’t wait for the minds certificate for your Freedom’. But it’s actually sometimes even worse. If you do get that minds certificate, it’s quite terrible because you have to live up to that idea of ‘the free person’. It’s the most troublesome kind of existence when you have to constantly live up to some idea. Don’t fall for any of this.

Just see what you are right Now. What you are has nothing to do with what you’re believing. What you really are has nothing to do with what you’re believing yourself to be. Even the belief ‘I am Awareness’ is not going to help; the belief ‘I am Nothing’ is not going to help. It is what is your direct experience of Yourself, in this very moment. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now.

The mind gets very irritated when I do this ‘Now, Now’. [It says] ‘Wait, wait, wait, wait; give me a second’ [Chuckles] Okay, let’s try it, huh? I say ‘Now’. You bring your attention to Now, okay? Let’s see what happens.

Now. Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now [Smiles] Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now. How many are still with me? [Laughs] Huh?

We actually hear our mind going ‘Stop, stop, please stop’ [Laughs] or is it mine? I don’t know? [Laughter] So this reliance on some idea…, you start noticing this primal urge to go to this idea, to the next thought, for some meaning, to try and get some conceptual meaning from this life. Can you notice this urge?

So this Here Now…, [Silence] are you spotting it? This urge to believe, this urge to conceptualize, to give meaning, to interpret; how many are spotting it…, so I know I am really getting through? [Sangha members raise their hands] Okay. [Chuckles]

So this one; [Referring to this primal urge] this one has to settle a bit. What can you do about it? Nothing, you see, because if it wasn’t for this urge, then I would say just ‘Okay, just don’t believe your next thought’ …and done! So this urge is the urge to smoke, it is the addiction. So, satsang is a rehab from this addiction primarily. And the more you see this; that you can let go, that you don’t have to pick up the next smoke, then in spite of the withdrawal symptoms, the addiction is actually getting better.

Now what happens is that sometimes it feels like too much, the withdrawal symptoms seem too much, so there is two options that we take without coming to the end of our addiction. There are two escape routes in this rehab center. [Chuckles] There are two doors which we can use to escape. The first door you can use to escape is the door saying ‘Okay, this is not working for me, it’s the same old stuff, I’m out of here, let me live my life, blah, blah, blah, blah’. You see?

The second urge is a conceptual idea; which could be a very Advaita idea. The idea could be something like ‘Oh there is nothing to be done at all’. Nothing to be done at all is a very convenient idea to escape. Because it is true ultimately, but not at the level which it is being understood. You see?

So in the Advaita rehab…, it’s very ironic that one of the escape routes itself is Advaita. Because it can seem a bit uncomfortable when we’re not going with this urge to believe, to give meaning to this world, to ‘My life’. So you give meaning to this that ‘Nothing is going to happen. I get nothing. It’s a complete waste of time. I’m out of satang. It’s a waste’. Or we give meaning to any Advaita idea.

So we must be able to check for ourselves ‘What is really happening? Am I speaking from my recognition in the Now? Or am I speaking from a conceptual place?’ Whatever the concept might be. Because as I was saying yesterday ‘Concepts are presumptions’. So if we continue to believe this presumption, then know that the most basic presumption which everybody believes, (most of humanity believes), is that ‘I exist as a separate entity’. And any other presumption that you’re believing only adds to this base presumption. And if you feed any of these presumptions the nourishment of your belief, then that is the conditioning.

Now I have heard somebody say that ‘How can there be conditioning when there is nobody to be conditioned?’ But you know this conditioning day to day, isn’t it? Every day we see the play of conditioning; we a movie, we get attached to the characters, we want a happy ending. That is conditioning. So then instead of Advaita-ing it away, we must see that ‘Who is it that can get conditioned in this way? Who is it that can get attached to appearances, have aversions to appearances, have likes and dislikes?’ Because just mentally saying ‘There is nobody’ will not help. And it doesn’t help when suffering comes then just to say ‘There is nobody there, there is nobody, there is nobody’ does not really help; unless it is our direct experience in that moment.

That is why I emphasize so much on these two primal powers, the power of attention and the power of belief. Actually even in the denial of them we use the power of belief. So just like when we wake up from sleep, you don’t deny the appearance of gravity and sound and light. Do we deny these physical processes? ‘There is no gravity because there is nobody experiences gravity, there is no sound, there is nobody experiencing sound’. We cannot deny the appearance of these forces in the same way we cannot deny the appearance of the forces of attention and belief.

Whether they are real or not, (that is the next topic), we cannot deny that they are appearing. When we look, and we look, and we look and we look for the root of all of this trouble…, (what trouble? The trouble of person-hood, the trouble of suffering), we find that at the root of all of this is the urge to give meaning, the urge to interpret What Is. And it is only in the giving of meaning, giving of our interpretation to What Is, where we empower this belief of a separate existence. Here is the root of all conditioning.

And there is a lot of emphasis I am noticing on this conditioning, talking about this conditioning here now, because I know that most of you who have been in satsang have had a recognition of who you are, but this conditioning seems to be still sticky and juicy.

So what is it that we are really talking about…, can we put it in simple terms? Our experience is that life seems to appear, all these objects seem to appear, but there’s this conveyor-belt of thoughts which is constantly serving up the interpretation to what is appearing. So the objects are appearing and disappearing, sensations in the body are also appearing and disappearing; pain, pleasure, grief, joy, bliss are external objects; everything is appearing and disappearing, But there is this conveyor-belt of thoughts, conveyor-belt of interpretations which is constantly offering up your identity to you, because it is only in picking up this interpretation that you pick up your own identity actually.

So, this urge to pick up the thought is the same as this urge to pick up the next bowl of food from this conveyor-belt. It even feels a bit similar to this. And just this allowing the conveyor-belt to go; whatever it is offering up, allowing it to go, even if you have picked up in the past. It has gone, now don’t pick up the next. Even if you pick up now, don’t pick up the next. That’s all. That is all. And start noticing; what is being served up in your conveyor belt now? It could be thoughts of boredom, it could be thoughts of Advaita. Whatever it is, let it go. This is the dropping of identity.

Now, because you don’t have to do any work in that way, [Smiles] you don’t have to really go and uproot the identity, the conditioning, and throw it out. All you have to do is don’t pick up the next dish which is being served up on this conveyor-belt; no matter how well dressed it is, the best dressing, the best garnish, [Smiles] it could be the most spiritually glorious thought but even that you don’t need. Are you with me when I say the conveyor-belt of thoughts? This is clear? It just comes like this, no? [Anantaji makes a circular hand movement] Just like this, it’s coming, it’s coming.

Just look at this and See; what happens? Can you really presume yourself to be anybody, can you act like you’re the ego? Is there any separation unless you exercise the urge of believing? Really delve into this power of belief. What can you believe? Can you believe an object? Can you believe a sensation? Can you believe your breath? Can you believe your body? No these are just Seen, these are just perceived, experienced. You can only believe an interpretation about any of this.

‘What Is’ just is. ‘What Is’ just is. There is nothing to believe or not in the ‘What Is’. All of you see this? There’s nothing really to believe or not in the ‘What Is’ and yet an interpretation comes which is also just energy, just like anything else. It could be like a sensation in the body but somehow it carries some meaning. But for it to become meaningful, we have to do some work. You see, there is something here which is very primal; this power of belief. Really look at it today.

Okay so the thought is just going [Anantaji moves his hand from right to left] ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. [Laughter] It’s walking along, it is coming and going. What is it that gives it meaning, that makes it meaningful? Is it your attention? If your attention was not on the thought then you would not see it come and go. There is something here which is besides attention. And it’s been used for years and years. It’s been so used it’s become a habit.

And as you start withdrawing this belief, you will find that even your attention is not going so much to these thoughts. Just like if on this conveyor-belt; suppose you started off loving sushi (so this conveyor-belt example comes from a restaurant called Yo Sushi [Laughs] which I heard about, which a cousin of mine told me about it many years ago, and I was very enamored with this concept, so this restaurant called Yo Sushi, they just put the plates of Sushi and next to the table and this conveyor-belt goes. Whatever somebody wants, you just pick up from the conveyor-belt).

So suppose you love fish and you walk into this restaurant; you love raw fish. [Laughs] and you walk into this restaurant. So then what happens is that every, every dish that comes, you want to see. You want to see ‘What’s this, what’s this? Maybe I’ll have this one, maybe I’ll have this one’. This is our perspective at that point of time. Then one day maybe you saw ‘Earthlings’ [A documentary on the treatment of animals] or some movie you saw and you said ‘I’m not going to. I’m going to turn vegan, vegetarian’. Suppose? Then what happens is the first few times when you go, you’ll still have some interest. ‘Oh, this one? Oh, they have this, oh damn, why did I turn vegan?’ So the first few times you go, because your partner or somebody close still eats there. They love it, so maybe you go with them. But the initial few times you’re just looking at it. But after a while, after you became vegan and you settled into your vegan-ism, you find that not so much attention is even going to the conveyor-belt, because you’ve not consumed the fish and you’ve gotten over the habit, we got over this addiction. So then even the interest in checking what’s going on the conveyor-belt starts to reduce.

Now what is happening in most spiritual practices in the world is that they’re saying that ‘Just take your attention away. Bring it on a mantra or on a chakra’ or something, or something, [Smiles] ‘and then you will be free from this addiction’. And I know theoretically it seems like it should be possible, because if you’re able to just master your attention and just keep it, then the question of belief doesn’t arise at all.

But in my own experience here, (although I found great peace and joy in spiritual practices), I didn’t find that I was actually getting some serious mastery over this attention. It seemed to be under control for some time, like mantra chanting, meditation, all these practices; very beautiful experiences. But it was not like after these practice ended the control, the sense of control over attention continued. And although I’ve heard it is possible, it is not my experience and it is not the experience of most of those I’ve met on the spiritual path. But what occurs here is that this ‘belief’ seems much simpler to handle. Although it is clear here also that it’s not just ‘Finger snap, end of belief’ where I say ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ and there’s nothing. [Laughs] Maybe that was a presumption when I started.  [Smiles]

So I see that there is the urge here to pick up the Sushi from the conveyor-belt. What to do about it? Just…, your next thought you let that one go. Don’t worry about the one after that. So the mind will come and say ‘But it’s too much, it’s too much’. Just now, it is enough to let go of your next thought. But it is about every Now. [Laughs] Just Now. Because only this Now is.

So, it is basically saying ‘The one that is in front of you, don’t pick that one up. Don’t worry about anything else on the conveyor-belt’. That’s what I’m saying; knowing fully well of course that you can only pick up the one that is in front of you. But that makes this very simple. So, what are we doing? We are not denying anything, we are denying the appearance of these thoughts, we are not denying this power to believe them, but we are allowing What Is to just be what is, with no interpretation, with no conclusion, with no judgment.

And it might sound to you as if I’m saying that the recognition of Who You Are and the dropping of this false conditioning is two separate things, but actually they are completely complimentary. The more we check ‘Who Am I?’ the less belief will go to the interpretations. Because all of these interpretations are presuming You to be a person. So every time we check Who You Are, you will find that there is no person here, and no thought applies to Awareness. This recognition of the Self then empowers your freedom from the habit; and this not believing what the mind is saying makes the recognition also much easier because we are not constantly distracted by our thoughts, we’re not believing anything even about what we are seeing for ourself.

So it is part of the whole. But why I want to look at it like this is because there are many misconceptions; one being that if you have a recognition of who you are, it is the end of the spiritual journey so to speak. But it is not. You could have a very clear insight about who you are and just remain an ‘Advaita Jerk’ for the rest of your life. [Laughs] Or you could just be allowing all your thoughts to go, and never come to this simple recognition in the moment about Who You Are. So, both are important and both are complimentary. They’re not really separate but it makes a little bit of sense sometimes to give some structure and dimension to this so that some clarity comes. That is why I have given you three main pointings, actually.

The first one is to not believe your next thought. Same in what we discussed today; just don’t pick up the tray in front of you on the conveyor-belt of thoughts. Allow it to come and go.

The second is to see that Consciousness is Here. You are Here as Consciousness, as God. And for that we have this question: ‘Can you stop being now?’ [Silence] I find that to be the simplest pointer to bring your attention to your own Holy Presence.

The last one is this simple question: ‘Are you aware now?’ which is beyond even all and any conceptualization, including…, (you cannot even call it Holy Awareness. No concept really applies to this).

So now you see how it all ties in together. Because no concept really applies to you, which is found when we have this recognition. Therefore all concepts must apply to that one which is not you; the presumed you or the imaged you. So this recognition of Who I Am, we can say is retained if we don’t go with our presumed identity; and we can only go with our presumed identity by giving belief to our thoughts.

Play with your belief, play with your belief. See how it functions. Have fun with this stuff, sometimes we become too serious about our spirituality. [Smiles] If I say ‘Okay let’s play a game. We will believe every alternate thought’…, can we do it? [Laughs] It’s very nice. The first one go, believe the second one; let the third one go, believe the forth one. Every alternate thought, you believe. See: ‘What is this power of belief?’ Don’t just take my word for it. See if there is such a thing that plays.

So we will give this five minutes now. Let’s see how it goes. Believe your alternate thoughts. Okay, so starting now, believe every alternate thought.

[Laughter in the room]

Can’t do it? [Laughs] Yes, why can’t we do it? Because it takes some seriousness. We have to treat our self as a person first and go to the mind and say ‘Yes, this is happening to me’. You can’t just turn it on and turn it off. So you see that to take on this belief, to give these ideas meaning, you have to take on this perspective; this presumed identity. The only way to play as if you’re bound in some way or you’re a person in some way is only, only, only, to believe your next thought.

And many times actually we felt we must make a list of all these resistances that we end up buying, especially in these clear moments when we can see this to be true. Isn’t it? We can see now if this is true when we check. ‘The only way I play as a person is if I’m believing my next thought’. Who doesn’t see this to be true? Okay who does see this to be true? Everyone sees this to be true. So then what happens? Because you’re all here, none of us what to be people again, none of us want to play as the ego, so then what happens? What is it that still has some attraction for us that the mind can offer up?

At one time we were trying to make a list. One of the most popular ones is ‘But what happens to my day-to-day practical life?’ What happens instantly, in that innocent sounding thought, is the biggest trouble you can give to yourself, because there are so many lies in that one thought. The biggest lie, of course you know, is that there is no such me whose life this is. There is no such me.

Second is that ‘This non-existent ‘me’ has had some control over life’…, which itself is a big joke. And then we extrapolate this presumed non-existent past-control into ‘Oh, what’s going to happen to my life if I just give like this? You’ve done such a great job so far’. [Laughs] The non- existent one has presumably had some control and then wants to extrapolate this control into the future. [Laughs] You see what a bundle of lies it is?

And it seems so innocent. ‘But oh what about my day to day practical life?’ Who?! Who are you? Whose life? ‘No, but what’s the point of asking that question? [Laughs] Because you keep saying ‘Me, me, me, mine, mine’. That’s why. [Laughs] We have been told by our mind, and the minds of the seeming others, that ‘It is important and we cannot live without these thoughts’. The appearance is not telling us that. The appearance of our parents mouths might be telling us or our…, but you know what I mean. These flowers are not saying that, this computer is not saying that; the computer just Is. It’s appearing, it is not needing any thoughts. The body just Is. It’s just appearing, it is not needing thoughts to survive. But right now the mind is coming and saying ‘But, but, but…, but if I didn’t have these thoughts I will not eat’. Who says you won’t eat? Have you tried it?

It’s basically a presumption that there is no intelligence to this realm except this mind. But when we really look, we see that this realm has a lot of intelligence which even the most intelligent minds in the world have not figured it out yet how it functions. They’ve been able to report a little bit on it. They have been able to say ‘Oh, gravity exerts this force on you, light travels at this speed’. But why it does that? Nobody knows. The best minds don’t know. Who came up with gravity, who defined that this constant will be like this? Who defined the DNA structure?

So just because we are able to label things…, they say ‘Oh. We cracked the DNA code’. What did we crack? We have been able to label the entire thing but have we come to any understanding of who created this? What intelligence must it be that made this like this? We just label it ‘Nature’ and say ‘Oh, ah’ because we don’t want to say ‘God. Because God is too bad [to say] so we just say ‘Nature’. ‘Nature’ sounds better than ‘God’. [Laughs]

So we have not scratched the surface of the functioning of this Universe. But What Is, just is. All that is appearing is appearing and disappearing just like the dream; appearing and disappearing. Just like the interpretations, the subtitles, the commentating about the dream does not bring us to the Truth of who we are.

So this is the most common resistance, ‘What happens to my life? What about my practical life?’ The presumption itself is wrong.

I was reading a post today before satsang. It was Azhar reporting. And it was very nice, actually, I enjoyed reading it. Because he said that we have two options. First option…, (and I’m paraphrasing. Forgive me if I’m wrong.)

Option 1: Go with the mind as an instrument.

Means what? Believe what the mind is saying because it helps you analyze the world, it helps you question life. It’s got many useful features. That’s option 1. And second option is to…,

Q: [Inaudible] [from the one who wrote the post, is sitting in satsang hall now, so Ananta repeats it]:

A: It has a negative effect also, which is suffering.

The second [option] is to let go of the mind. And it doesn’t matter what your life situation is, you could be a beggar on the streets, but still you would be happy; not suffering. Peaceful.
So these are two options

The funny thing about option 1 is that it helps you analyze everything, supposedly; except who you are.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: But then see, the mind only has resistance to this one question. This is not the one it is welcoming. It welcomes every question [such as] ‘What is this, what color are these flowers, how does this computer work?’ Everything seemingly outside, it’s welcome to analyze. It says ‘Okay, let’s figure out this, let’s figure out that’. But the minute you turn inward and say ‘Okay, let’s figure out who I am’ …, that question comes from a deeper place, a more intuitive place.

So once we see who I am, then we can say that ‘I choose to make this choice’. Because the ‘I’ that chooses the mind, OR option 2, (which is no-mind), then which one is that one? As long as that is clear, then there is not really going to be trouble. Because what happens once you see that you are this Awareness, you are the Self; or even if you see ‘I Am that I Am’ (the dynamic aspect, Consciousness) and you see that it is this Consciousness which seems to have the power of this belief. (Not ‘dis-belief, ‘this’ belief). Also dis-belief…, but I meant this belief. [Chuckles]

So, are you referring to yourself as God when you say that? Or are you referring to yourself as Azhar? That’s the key, because when Guruji says ‘The mind is not your friend; not yet’…, what does it mean? It means that as long as we are identifying ourself to be the non-existent one, the one that we cannot find, then the mind will offer all these things to you: ‘It’s me. We will analyze the world, we will question life’ but never wants to look at who you are.

So even when it is presuming to ask the question ‘Who am I?’ it is not really wanting you to look. It will give you a lot of resistance when you start looking.

So this is why I won’t recommend that approach. Although if Consciousness wants to play with the mind and wants to even pretend to be a person, there is nothing that can stop it. There is nothing really that can stop it. So as long as it still seems attractive to Consciousness Itself, it will keep playing with this mind. Only when it is done with the play will the mind be dropped. ‘Play’ means what? Not the play of appearances. The play of being a person playing with these appearances.

Q: Even if the first option is not attractive and the second option is obviously repulsive?

A: It depends on how much you’ve suffered, actually. [Chuckles] If you’ve suffered a lot. Mostly those who come to satsang, they’ve run out of room as people; they’ve run out of moves as people. And to them, option 2 seems the most attractive.

For example, when I read your message, I knew you were inclined to Option 1. But when I read it, I was like ‘Who will choose option 1?!’ Because it seemed like so beautiful; no matter what happens here, there can be no suffering.

So for most of us, who are in satsang in this way, I feel like there’s been enough suffering. So you don’t want to analyze life and continue suffering; you’d rather drop all of this or analyze the primal question, which is ‘Who am I?’

So, that itself is a blind spot in the mind’s approach, isn’t it? So it wants to analyze everything that appears, but who it appears to, it doesn’t want to look at that. So, it’s basically like this. For those to whom it is clear ‘Yes, I don’t want to suffer. I don’t care what life brings because I’m not suffering from it anyway’. Once I’m clear that I don’t want to go with this mind, there is no way in which I can suffer, then it doesn’t really matter what happens in this life. That is surrender.

Q: The other point that I made is that ‘If you let go of the mind’…, and then I gave the example that there are many species or Beings on this planet in whom the process of life is such that the mind is not at a very developed stage.

A: Presumably; we don’t know, but presumably.

Q: Yes. As it seems; appears. And in those Beings, it is very apparent that their lives or their functioning or the involvement in their life is very primal. So you could find like many, many Beings who are not very intelligent and questioning ‘What is truth?’ or ‘What is not truth?’ and ‘Who I am?’ and ‘Is there anything outside of the field of my perception and experience?’ They don’t have any kind of this inquisitiveness. But if you look at their life, then basically their life is just content within the experience of survival and pro-creation. Because for them, the life is just this. Nothing beyond that.

A: Yes, I get your point. So, also we might feel that our lives are much more sophisticated than that. I’ve seen this. But if you don’t get a place to sit and you have to stand on one leg, you might be getting the best satsang. [Chuckles] You might be saying ‘What is this? What is this? I can’t even sit’. You see, it becomes very primal. You don’t sleep for one night. Then things become very basic; it just becomes very basic. ‘I just need to sleep. I don’t care what’s going on’. The same thing, like you’re fasting so you skipped some meals. It becomes very basic.

So, it’s just this. Basically our primary concern continues to be this; our primal needs: sleep, food, breathing. Stop your breath for some time [chuckles] and then discuss spirituality. It doesn’t happen. So although humans might feel that we are more sophisticated, at the very basic and primal level, it continues to be the same.

Now, because it seems like we’ve come to a stage where all these things, (survival, food), they don’t seem to be so primary, that’s why we’ve been able to look at these deeper subjects. But I feel to go deeper according to the mind is still a bit superficial. Can we go even deeper?

What is the point of exploring what something means to me? You see, the mind can help me explore supposedly what something means to me, or how I can interact or engage with that something in this realm of appearances.

Q: So, there is this question: If what I am experiencing now, this physical realm, is it real?

A: But if you were not experiencing it, you wouldn’t want to contemplate it. That’s what I mean when I say ‘What something means to me. What does this realm mean to me?’ If it wasn’t yours? Like, ‘Why does this person behave like this?’ If they weren’t engaging with you, it wouldn’t matter. You see? ‘Why do I get pulled toward Earth and not away from the Earth?’ You would not want to explore, (even the physicists); if you didn’t experience these effects, it would not really matter to them, isn’t it? They want to understand their world. You see? So, the primary is the ‘me’…, ‘My world, my life, my universe’.

So, what would be the deepest contemplation? Or the simplest; let’s not even say deepest. Let’s first establish who the ‘me’ is. Because if everything is about the ‘me’ then let’s establish who the ‘me’ is.

So, if we change your two options; because the second option we already said is surrender, so the first option is Self-inquiry. Because before we can say what this is for, (‘Let me analyze this, let me analyze that’), can I analyze who I am? For me, that seems primary.

Q: From the perspective of the one who is involved and identified with the mind, then to go along with any exploration, it first needs a motive for that exploration. So it will resist that question ‘Well, who I am?’ Then, just for curiosity it’s okay. But if you’re really giving up everything just to explore this question then it’s bound that it will resist this question that ‘What’s in it for me?’

A: Yes, but the point is, you said ‘It is useful because it helped me analyze, to inquire into life’. You see? You didn’t say ‘It’s motivated because of what’s in it for me’. You wanted to question life. So, at the root of all the mind’s questions is that idea of this ‘me’. If I tell you that ’50 galaxies away, there’s a small star which is half the brightness of our star’ would it matter to you? If I tell you ‘From tomorrow onwards, our star is going to become 50% less bright; the end of human existence’ then it immediately matters; you want to ask ‘Why? What happened?’ You see?

At the root of all the mind analysis is this idea of this ‘me’. So first can we get validation, clarity, about who this ‘me’ is? It says ‘What’s in it for me?’ I know, that’s the mantra of the mind. ‘What’s in it for me?’ So can we at least find out who the ‘me’ is? What’s in it for who?

So, that is Self-inquiry.

And that’s why you’re here. Because [chuckles] if you truly were choosing option 1, you would not come to satsang after satsang…, ‘Leave the mind, leave the mind, leave the mind’. So seek it in this way.

You want to enjoy the periphery for some time, and I understand that feeling. It’s okay. I understand that feeling. ‘What does the ‘me’ want? I want to understand how flowers bloom and how God has created this world’ and all of that. It’s fine. I understand. But at the end of all of this analysis/inquiry, you will come to a point where you say ‘Okay, who is the ‘me’ at the center of all of this?’

Q: It’s not like I can escape this question of Self-inquiry.

A: Don’t escape it. Don’t escape it. What do you find?

Q: I find it’s always a mystery.

A: You find this? You find this? … I … find that it’s a mystery?
[Silence]

I’m happy we’re not talking Advaita, because it brings a lot of integrity in the conversation. Because it’s good to have this out.

YOU find that it’s a mystery as to who I am. The ‘I’ who finds the mystery… is a mystery. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?

Q: Isn’t identification with the body necessary for the process self-preservation?

A: It’s in the question. All of these are peripheral to the ‘I-Self’. Preservation is talking about the self. So, which self do you want to preserve? So, do we want to understand how to preserve the self? Or first we must know which self we want to preserve?

Okay, I know how to take care of Bill Gates mansion. How does that help if I’m not Bill Gates? You want to preserve the self.

Q: Exactly how does it help if I know who I am? How does it help?

A: That’s what I’m saying. So, you want to preserve the self. But are you the self?

Q: In this sentence, by the ‘self’ I meant the body.

A: The body is required to maintain the body? Then it doesn’t make sense.

Q: No, the body is required to experience this realm.

A: You’ve not experienced any realm without this body?

Q: [Silence] Right now, if I asked you …, like to prevent you from having any means of survival, like the food, clothing and shelter; in that situation, would you not fight for your survival as being a body? Or you would say ‘I am not the body, so I won’t fight’?

A: Yes, but still that ‘I’ that wouldn’t fight would still be primary even in this question, isn’t it?

Q: But if ‘I’ is there…, even if the clarity of ‘I’ is there…,

A: That doesn’t matter. I’m not saying the appearances should change. And I’m not saying that we must not analyze these questions also. But can we analyze the root of this question…, which is ‘Who is the I?’ Who is the ‘I’ that wants to know this?

Q: [Silence] I cannot be found.

A: Then you’re not here? If you say ‘I cannot be found’ then you must be somewhere lost. Are you lost? Or are you here?

Q: [Silence] [Laughs: Inaudible words]

A: [Laughs] No, I’m just asking the basic question. You say ‘I cannot be found’. So, that means you’re not here. You’re lost somewhere; let’s go looking.

What are we looking at? We say that we have found that at the root of all mental analysis is the presumed-I. So, let’s analyze first into who this ‘I’ is. Then you say ‘I cannot be seen. It cannot be found’. That means that you have lost it. Have you lost the ‘I’? Where did you lose it? And who is the one that is here then?

When you lose something, then usually people ask ‘Well, where did you see it last?’ [Chuckles] So, we lost the ‘I’. We cannot find it. Where did you see it last?

Q: I never saw; I just assumed it was here.

A: Just assumed. So, ‘assumed’ is against your analysis of questioning life, isn’t it? Because people assumed the world is flat. It was a wrong assumption. So let’s not assume anything. Let’s find out. You say ‘The assumption is that it cannot be found’. Therefore, it must mean it’s not here.

Q: The assumption was ‘It is here’ but in the looking of it, it is not found.

A: How do you know it is here?

Q: Because the center of the experience of it is here.

A: How do you know that is ‘I’?

Q: Because there isn’t definition of subject.

A: If you did not hear the definition, you would not know.

Q: This distinction of me and other will not be there.

A: I didn’t talk about the distinction. You said that ‘I lost…’ or ‘I cannot find the I’.

‘I cannot find the ‘I’.

So, which I is looking?

Which I sees that I can’t see it?

Which I knows that I can’t know it?

Q: [Silence] But I’ve tried to explore this many times; but it’s a futile exercise.

A: Yes, but there must be the ‘I’ that has tried many times. Are you not that ‘I’?

Can I say that ‘I lost the I’?

Who is the one saying then?

Who is looking for the Self?

Who sees there is no ‘I’?

‘It’s a futile exercise. I know it!’

‘I cannot find the ‘I’. I know it!’

Who is this ‘I’?

‘I want to choose this or that’.

‘I don’t want to choose the ‘I’ because I can’t find the I’.

There’s so much ‘I’ in that.

Which ‘I’ is this?

I feel like I’m speaking the simplest words. [Chuckles]

Q: They are not simplest words. You have to use other words.

A: That’s what I’m saying. I feel like I’m using the simplest words. I wonder if it’s sounding like that to all of you also.

Q: But, is it possible for the dream character to know that…,

A: You know you are the dream character?

Q: I consider it a possibility.

A: On what basis?

Q: The basis is the reference of the experience I had last night in the dream.

A: And then the experiencer was a dream character?

Q: As the dreamer, I experienced the dream body.

A: Dream world was there, dream body was there. Both were experienced, no?

Q: Yes, but the dream body was experienced only through the center of the dream body.

A: Through whatever body it might be experienced…, WHO is the experiencer?

[Silence] Was it not you?

Q: No. I see the whole experience of the dream as an illusion.

A: Okay, so the ‘I’ that sees this entire experience of the dream as an illusion is also illusion? Or is the same?…, that continues through this illusion and that one.

Q: It is only realized after the dissolution of the dream.

A: How do you know?

Q: By waking up from the dream.

A: Yeah, but you’re still here. The one who had the dream, and the one who is having this experience, is still here? Or no?

What is common about that, in this, is that you are here. Everybody in the dream could be different, the environment could be different, every situation, every law of gravity, light and sound, everything could be different. But what is common? Can we lose that one?

Q: What is the common?

A: That’s what I’m asking. Is that not I?

Q: [Silence] What if I propose this theory? That…

A: [Laughing] We were just looking. Is it a theory about the ‘I’? Or about appearance? If it’s a theory about appearance, let’s keep it aside. Was the theory about ‘I’?

Q: I’m sorry if it’s not going anywhere, but…

A: No, it’s going somewhere very nice. You say ‘I lost the I. I cannot find the I’. And it’s not just you. It’s a very popular notion. 99% of all spiritual seekers have this notion. ‘I cannot find the I’.

Who is the I that cannot find the I? Is that lost?

Or ‘What’s the point of this I?’ That’s the second most popular notion. Or maybe it’s the first; I’m not sure. So ‘What’s the point, if I find the I?’ You see the point, isn’t it, because everything is about ‘I’. ‘My life, my family, my work, my money’. Everything at the center of it is ‘me’. ‘My emotions’.

Q: But most of those things are centered around fulfilling the way you want the life to be. But it is not that way. It is like…

A: You who wants life to be a certain way is which one? That’s all we’re asking. [Silence] ‘I want my life to be this way’. Isn’t it better to know who this ‘me’ is before we know what my life should be? That’s what we’re saying. So, when asked to look, we say ‘I cannot find it’. But then, are you here? Or are you lost?

Q: [Silence] Don’t know. I can’t say anything with certainty. You know, for example…, [silence]

A: But still you say ‘I’…, can’t say anything with certainty’. That means you’re pretty clear about ‘I’. [Silence] You’re not saying ‘Something here can’t say anything with certainty’. You’re saying ‘I’ can’t say it. So who is this one?

Q: No, even this saying can be un-clarity.

A: Is it? Is it un-clarity?

Q: It could be, for example, if you’re saying that …,

A: Are you saying from clarity? Or un-clarity?

Q: That’s why I said, for example, the dream character didn’t know that when it was questioning the existence, it didn’t know anything about Hari. [Q’s name]

A: I don’t care about the dream character; I care about you. So…, when you say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t know if it’s clear or unclear’ …, what is clear or unclear; that you don’t know?

Whether you exist or not is clear, or unclear?

Q: Yeah, but this question, the way it is being asked, I feel that it still presumes that there is no reality outside of my experience and perception.

A: Don’t question the question. Answer the question. You exist? Or no?

Q: [Silence] This experience, this experience…,

A: You exist? Or no?

Q: Right now, I could say from the experience that I exist. But what I’m saying is if it only an experience, it could be wrong.

A: Okay. Experience of existence. Experience of existence. Existence is also an experience? You say this, no? So the ‘I’ that knows of this experience of existence, is that also an experience?

Q: That is beyond my current understanding.

A: What does it mean, current understanding? [Silence] Is it not your experience of existence?

Q: I don’t know what even this experience of existence is. I’m not clear.

A: Yes. But I’m not asking about that. I’m saying whatever the experience might be, you know or don’t know it, isn’t it?

Q: I’m not sure even if this knowing is real or not; truth or not.

A: Yes, but, the ‘I’ that knows it, or does not know it, is that also an experience? …, is the question.

Q: It could be. I consider this also a possibility that mind is the source of Consciousness, or this source of Consciousness is maybe in the brain.

A: Okay, who is this ‘I’ that considers it this way? [Silence] You say ‘I consider it’. You didn’t say ‘Sameed considers it’ or ‘Prathik considers it’. You said ‘I consider.’ Who is this one? [Silence] Don’t presume anything. Just look.

Q: Yeah, I’m exploring all the possible options.

A: Not mentally. Just by looking. Just look for it, instead of think for it. Because thinking is presumption. Looking is contemplation.

Who is the ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’?

Q: [Silence] Father, it’s so strange, like in the looking this question does not even arise. And in this questioning, this looking is not possible.

A: It’s very fancy, but we can drop it. [Chuckles]

Q: No, it’s real.

A: Why? Because what is important is the looking. If the question has lead you to the looking, then stay with that. What do you see?

Q: [Silence] I don’t understand what you mean when you say ‘What do you see?’

A: You say the looking is there, so the question has done its job. The looking is there. What does the looking look at?

Q: [Silence] How can you be sure that this looking is not another part of your experience also; like the awareness is also because of the presence of consciousness, and this consciousness is also a spark in the brain?

A: Yes, okay, say all this is true…, who would check on this?

Q: Just the intelligence which God created in His process, in this biological …,

A: Who knows that God created? Was there something before this creation? Or it was the primal creation? If it is a primal creation, then who created it?

Q: No, but it could be simply like this is a piece of life, and it has its own intelligence which knows these things.

A: But who would know all this? Are we just to presume all this? Or do we want to see the direct experience of all this?

Q: Yes, but this knowing could be the intelligence of this piece of life which is here.

A: But who would know this piece of life is here?

Q: Yes. The intelligence which is present here.

A: So, this is a part of the piece of life and the piece of life is part of the intelligence which is here. [Silence] Like I said, if you think about it, then you’ll come up with more and more concepts. What is it that you see? You said ‘When I check, ‘I’ cannot find myself’.

Q: But how…, this model is not possible. For example, there is this body, there is this brain…,

A: You want a model? There are many models you can get from books. Na? I’m pointing you to that which is prior to all models.

So, you say that ‘When I check, ‘I’ don’t find the I’. So for what are you using the word ‘I’? For the first time: The ‘I’ that doesn’t find the ‘I’ is which one? [Silence]. Look. Don’t think. Are you just making it up that ‘I don’t find the I’? No. It’s your experience. So who is this ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’?

Everyone is looking for Self-realization; that means that everyone is looking for the Self.

But are they not the Self?

And if they are not the Self, then who is looking for the Self?

Q: Is it possible to find the answer to this question?

A: Yes. [Silence] The answer might surprise you, but it is completely possible.

Q: What if I told you that…,

A: No, no. Answer the question. Who is the ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’? [Silence] You have to give me a workout? Or you have to get a workout? What kind of gym is this? [Chuckles] Where the instructor keeps getting the workout, you see? [Laughs] ‘Why don’t you contemplate this?’ I’m saying you do this push-up. Find out who is the ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’.

Q: But …,

A: You will say ‘No, no, you do this push-up’. [Laughs] ‘No, the push-up is not better; the pull-up is better. You do the pull-up and show me’. And I keep dancing…,

Q: You say ‘You do the push-up’ and I say ‘It’s not possible, so then show me’. [Laughs]

A: I’ve never had an instructor like this. [Inaudible]

Q: In fact, it’s only 20 or 30 push-ups.

A: That would be just showing off. You want me to show off? [Chuckles]

Why is there so much resistance to this? The question is simple. You say ‘I cannot find the I’. So which is the one, which is the ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’?

Q: I’m sorry if I’m taking too much time.

A: No, it’s fine. This is what you’re here for. Everything else is for the periphery. The ‘I’ that can or cannot find, is that also a presumed notion? Like you say ‘I’ cannot find the ‘I’. This ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’…, is that also a presumed notion; a presumption? [Silence] Are you not here? Are you just an idea? Are you a concept; a belief? Are you an appearance?

Q: Yeah, I feel most of the time, just this bundle of thoughts and energy.

A: An appearance. To whom are you appearing?

Q: Maybe to God.

A: So, are you okay with just using concepts? Or you want to look?

Q: No, I’m saying that there’s a possibility that there’s a …, [Silence]

A: But the ‘possibility’ is a hypothesis. How will you validate it?

Q: I don’t feel to accept just what is seen here as the truth or as the reality of this entire universe in which this form or this life is just an aspect, not even a piece of dust.

A: So, you’re unwilling to accept what is seen and you’re willing to accept what? What is presumed? Because either it is Seen or it is presumed. [Silence] Acknowledging at least that either it must be Seen or it must be a concept.

Q: What I’m saying is…,

A: No, first on this point: It must be either Seen or a concept.

Q: Yes.

A: So, either it is Seen or a concept. So when you say ‘I’m unwilling to accept what I see’…, that means that you’re unwilling to accept anything? Or are you willing to accept some concepts instead?

Q: Isn’t openness to accept the possibility of all these things which are presented? For example, if it is presented to you, then whatever your perception and your experience is right now is very limited, and there’s a possibility…,

A: Openness doesn’t mean we believe every concept. Openness means we let every concept come and go. [Silence] ‘I’m open to the possibility…’ [Chuckles] Are you open to the possibility that you don’t exist?

Q: Yes.

A: Okay, if you’re open to this possibility, then the one who is open to the possibility of non-existence is which one? [Silence] ‘Doesn’t exist’ as what? Hmmm?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Yes. It’s a great dead-end for the mind. Do you exist in your sleep?

Q: I truly can’t say anything about the states in which I am completely unconscious, like the deep sleep.

A: Okay, forget it. Do you exist now?

Q: Yes.

A: Yes. So you know this, or no? Is it a concept? Or is it Seen?

Q: Everything is here. This world is here, form is here, so I exist.

A: As the world and the form, you exist?

Q: Yes, I could be existing without the experience.

A: So, you exist as just the world and the form?
Q: There could be alterations in the experience, for instance in different forms of energy, sensations. So the appearance could be other forms.

A: So the ‘I’ changes? The ‘I’ that exists changes when these states change?

Q: But this sense of existence is not separate from this experience; the entirety of all this experience.

A: There is a sense of existence also.

Q: If you were to take away from me all this experience, then I wouldn’t be able to say that I exist.

A: Yeah, but you say ‘The sense of existence’. What is that?

Q: The entirety of all the experiences.

A: That is the sense of existence? [Silence] Or just something you heard somewhere?

Q: [Silence]

A: So if one by one all the senses fail, and one by one all the inner-sensations seemingly go, then you cease to exist?

Q: So, in short, if this body falls dead right in this moment, then it could be possible that I don’t exist anymore.

A: No, just right now, if you just See that all these senses, they would stop reporting, then even the sense that I exist would go? Like, you can stop being?

Q: [Silence] It’s a never-ending mystery.

A: You like it that way?

Q: It is that way.

A: You like it that way? Or no? [Silence] If it came to an end, would you be happy? [Silence] Just be honest.

Q: Only if the truth came to be known.

A: No, I’m saying that…, you say ‘Never ending mystery’. If it ended, would you be happy? Or you’d prefer it to be a ‘Never-ending mystery’? Is it never-ending because you’re enjoying the game.

Q: Who is not? Is there anyone who is not?

A: Who is not what?

Q: Who is not enjoying the play?

A: So, you’re happy with just finding out about the world and who is doing what and what is happening here and you know, all of this. You’re happy with all of that? You never want to know who You are?

Q: Yes, of course I want to know.

A: Now, you want to know only that which fits into your ideas and concepts of what it is? Or you’re open to looking without any of this?

Q: I’m open to this possibility.

A: Now, if I say ‘There is no mystery. You are here, and you know it’ …, are you willing to look at that?

Q: Father, you know that with you, and by ourself, we have looked many, many times. Isn’t it?

A: I say again, you’re diverting. What do you need to deflect? Are you scared?

Q: [Silence]

A: All I said was ‘You are here, and you know it’. True? Or no?

Q: But I also said that…,

A: I didn’t ask what you said. I’m saying that ‘Is this true, or no?’

Q: Yes. I can experience my existence.

A: Okay. So, the one that knows it, even that you are here, is which one?

Q: [Silence] Why is it not one; the two?

A: Why is it not one? You say ‘It’s one’. I’m happy to accept it. You LOOK and you tell me it’s one, that’s all I want. Don’t presume. Your answer came too fast.

Q: Yeah, I am self-conscious.

A: So, mystery over? What else you want? I Am that I Am. I Am Consciousness. I am self-conscious. Whatever. What’s the mystery?

Q:  But the truth must be one, wherever it is experienced, so it should fit into the way the great Masters have described. For example, in my experience, I don’t see any shift in the way I perceive the world. It is still appearing as though the world is being looked at through these two eyes.

A: Will you look at it as if you’re flying over it? Who has said, which great master has said, that you will look at it as if you’re looking from the skies? …, or something, whatever.

Q: And how about this experience …

A: Number first. Which one? Let’s go one by one. First is what; that why is it still appearing that I’m looking at the world through these two eyes? So, who has said it doesn’t?

Q: But doesn’t it mean that Consciousness has not yet lost its individuality yet?

A: You tell me.

Q: [Silence] And what about these experiences; to see One-self? The experience is of this body. And what about these experiences of Self-realization?

A: What do you see it as? You see it as outside of you?

Q: I can’t perceive even what is outside of this room; what about the universe?

A: So, this is it. [Chuckles] So, sages have said they know what’s happening in West Africa? …, like that’s a pre-requisite to freedom.

Q: But, if someone claims to know the truth, then he must know the truth of this whole existence, this whole Universe.

A: Yes. I know the truth of this whole existence, because it is THIS. Just This. Just like the dream; there’s only that which is Seen. [Silence] Even science is coming to the same conclusion; nothing exists without the observer of it.

Q: No truth has been found that the mind….

A: What truth? What is your idea of truth?

Q: So, for example, in the waking up from the dreaming state, it was real right in that instant that the whole of this…

A: I thought you didn’t want to speak about those states which are not here.

Q: No, I said…

A: Only when it’s convenient… [Chuckles]

Q: No, I said that during states in which I was completely unconscious, I cannot talk about this because I don’t have any memory of those states. But it’s just like in the dream states, if I have a full memory of the state, I can use it in my contemplations.

A: So, you had no memory that there was any other state except the dream state?

Q: I can say that there is a sleep state, because there is a gap in my experience, or in my memory.

A: Who saw it as a gap? Who knows of this gap? [Silence] There’s only waking and dream and waking and dream, isn’t it? Who’s aware of that?

Q: No, there are states where I am completely unconscious.

A: You know this?  I thought you couldn’t report on these things.

Q: Okay, so can we just use the dream…?

A: No. [Chuckles] It is very important. You see?

Q: But, that one is, like, too difficult to talk about; the deep sleep.

A: Why? Either you’re saying that my experience is only the dream and the waking; there’s no other experience. Then who invented this concept of sleep state? [Silence] You’ve never gone to sleep? You’ve only gone to dream? Is it?

Q: Yeah, in the experience, I have seen that there is a transition from the unconscious to the conscious state.

A: So, who was there to see the unconscious? To see the transition? Who was there?

Q: No, there is no secondary agent who knew this, who knows this.

A: Yeah, but who is the primary?

Q: The primary was this experience itself of becoming conscious.

A: You say ‘It went from this consciousness, waking state consciousness, to dream state consciousness’. [Silence] Is that it?

Q: Yes, and for example, the state that I call ‘deep sleep’ there was a…

A: What is deep sleep? I don’t know. What is deep sleep? [Smiles]

Q: Okay, so, in my experience, I saw that this self-consciousness or Consciousness was kind of emerging and coming into light, and with it…

A: Is there a time when it’s not there?

Q: So, I presume that before this, it was not.

A: Just presumed.

Q: Yeah, because …

A: Why didn’t you just presume that it’s here as this waking, then suddenly the scenery changes and you’re in a different realm? [Silence] Because that is more accurate, no? We don’t have any experience of sleep. So, there was waking; and suddenly a different realm is there, different people are there. And then there’s waking, and a different realm is there.

Q: It’s possible that…

A: No, no. What is your experience? Is it that? There’s only waking and dream

Q: I feel like they are the signs and symbols in the waking states, or in the experience of transition from different states of consciousness through which I can make up that there was a state in which I was not there, and in which there was a gap…,

A: Okay. States of transition. From what to what? [Silence]

So, you’ve never had the experience of sleeping. You’ve just been awake, but in different realms. That’s it.

Q: But that’s what is called deep sleep; it’s defined as the state …,

A: It’s not to ‘define’. I’m asking what your experience is. You never experience sleep. Only waking and dream. [Silence] You can never say ‘I went to sleep. Sorry I went to sleep for a second, and I woke up’. No. Never happened. [Long silence] Just suddenly at night, it’s dark; then suddenly, it’s light. That’s it. Time lapse.

Q: I just know I slept because of dream state…

A: Why? Is it not an experience? Is sleep not an experience?

Q: Father, how can I say the experience that time disappears… [Inaudible]

A: You tell me; you not had it. How would you say that time disappears? You’ve had this experience? How do you know time disappears? How do you know there is such a state? You’ve only heard about it. You’ve never experienced sleep. You’ve never gone to sleep in your life. Only with a concept; with a pink elephant; sleep.

Q: I’m very sorry if everyone is getting bored and I’m wasting everyone’s time.

A: No. It’s okay. I feel it’s very important because we carry these presumptions. Sleep is only a presumption; an idea?

Q: In my experience, what I call sleep…, there was this experience that …,

A: What time did you wake up this morning? Roughly; don’t need the exact minute. What time did you wake up? Don’t think of the answer to the next question, which I know you know it’s coming. [Chuckles] What time do you wake up regularly?

Q: 7:15, 7:30

A: 7:30. So, you woke up from what dream?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: No, what did you wake up from? What woke up?

Q: Even the transition from the dream state to the waking state is not a …,

A: What did you wake up from? And what woke up?

Q: Yeah, so, I was having a very beautiful dream, and I woke up from that dream.

A: Yes. So, it’s only waking state and dream state. There is no scope for sleep; deep sleep. It’s just a concept. This is called mental denial, you see? Defending the indifference. [Chuckles] Are you hearing yourself? What are we defending actually?

Q: I’m not denying the deep sleep state, I’m saying that since I was not conscious  in that state , that I cannot really talk about it.

A: How do you know there’s something called ‘Deep sleep state’? That’s all I’m asking. You had it, or no? You’ve never gone to sleep?

Q: Okay, so, how do I know it?

A: You tell me. Is it just a concept for you? Or do you experience sleep? That’s all we’re asking.

Q: But isn’t it also an absence of all the experience?

A: Is that not an experience, too…, to experience the absence of all experiences? To see that there is no experience, there must be You to see that there was no experience. Who saw this? Who came and told you there was no experience yesterday for so much time?

Q: Okay, if I take the example of deep sleep…,

A: Why can’t you just answer this? Who saw that there was no experience?

[Long silence]

Q: I had wondered often about this deep sleep, and I never came to any conclusion about it.

A: The question is very simple. Do you know of something called sleep? Or no?  Or it’s just an idea.

Q: I know there is something called deep sleep, but I’m not very much clear about it.

A: You’ve never gone to sleep?

Q: Yes, I have gone to sleep, of course. [Chuckles]

A: What happened when you went to sleep?

Q: Since the Consciousness is not there, how are you…?

A: But are you just making this up?

Q: No, I know that I was not conscious.

A: You know So Consciousness was not there. Who knows, then?

Q: Yeah, because in coming out of that state…,

A: Slowly, slowly. This is a crucial point. You say ‘I know that Consciousness also was not there’. So, what remained when even Consciousness was not there? [Silence]

Now, don’t deflect anything. Stay here. The one that knows even the presence and absence of Consciousness, which one is that one? [Silence]

Q: How should I look at this question? Should I look at it from a fragment of memory?

A: Is there something that continues of that one to this one? Is that one gone now; the one that knows that Consciousness was not there, has that also gone? [Silence] You know now Consciousness is here. You know then Consciousness is not there. So, this one that knows either presence or not-presence is which one? [Silence] Is that changing? Is that a mystery? [Silence] Or is it You?

Q: I can’t say anything about that.

A: But do you at least understand what I’m asking? The one that says that ‘Even Consciousness was not there’…, now you know that Consciousness is here. So that one, is which one? That’s what the question is.

Q: Just like, the one who was born into this realm came to know that before birth it was not; in the same way, Consciousness comes into existence from deep sleep and it knows that other state before this when I was not.

A: Okay, then who was; if I was not? If Consciousness was not there, then who was? If nothing knows, then there is no state like that.

Q: So just like, before the creation of the birth of this body, if you were to ask me ‘Where were you?’ then I could only say that there was a …

A: Say something which is not presumption.

Q: I can say this, that I was not Conscious of myself before the birth of this body…, or there was nothing which I can call…, there’s no memory, there’s no experience that I can recall.

A: And you were there as what? If you say ‘This is not a presumption’…, then there as what? Before Consciousness, what are you?

Q: I didn’t exist before Consciousness.

A: Yes, yes. But how do you know this? I said ‘No presumption’.

Q: I came to know this before the birth of Consciousness. After the birth of Consciousness, I continued as this.

A: Yes. That Consciousness also was not there…, and then you also were not there. So there was nothing. So the birth of everything is the birth of Consciousness. Then how can I report on prior to Consciousness, if there was nothing? You cannot.

But is sleep like that? There was no sleep. Is sleep like that?

Q: I didn’t have the experience of sleep.

A: You didn’t have the experience of sleep…, (merry go round). [Chuckles]

Q: I consider like that, then when Consciousness begins its self-consciousness, then it has this…

A: Yes, but who saw that there was no Consciousness? Are we just presuming? [Silence] So if I say ‘There is no state where there is no Consciousness’…, you will say yes?

‘Deep sleep is a myth; nobody ever goes to sleep’…, if I say that, is it right? What’s the problem?

Q: No, I will not accept it.

A: Why? [Silence] This is for everyone. I say ‘Deep sleep is a myth; there’s no such thing as sleep’. Then? [Silence] I know what you want to say; you want to say ‘I know I went to sleep. How can you say that?’ It’s just your knowledge that is getting in the way of saying that.

Q: But Father, how? This is unacceptable that…

A: Answer my question. I’m saying ‘Deep sleep is a myth’. You’re saying what?

Q: Of course, I will not accept this.

A: Why?

Q: Because there are many moments I have been completely unconscious, and I can call that deep sleep.

A: So, Consciousness was not there. ‘I have been unconscious; consciousness came and went; but I was still there’?

Q: No, maybe it’s the Consciousness that is say that ‘I was not…,’

A: I was unconscious.

Q: ‘… there at the time’. Otherwise how could this report?

A: [Chuckles] Consciousness was saying ‘I was not there’. Then what was there?

Just being obstinate… [Chuckles]

Q: Father, it’s impossible to contemplate on this, because at first, I don’t have any memory of that state.

A: Then what are you saying? Are you saying there’s something called sleep? Why are you not accepting me? You don’t believe my words when I say ‘There is no sleep’. Why?

Q: Because in my experience there are gaps of experiencing.

A: Hmmm. So, is this not your experience? You say ‘In my experience, there are gaps of experiencing’…, therefore there is an ‘I’ which experiences these gaps.

Q: It’s logical; it sounds very nice, but…

A: You said it, not me.

Q: It sounds very good.

A: I know today’s satsang will sound like just a big argument, but it’s not.

All these ideas we have about Consciousness and Awareness…, all that is being clarified here. ‘I lost myself, I cannot find myself, I cannot experience sleep’. Sleep must be just a concept.

Q: No. There is an experience of it.

A: Your experience of sleep…, so this ‘I’ who has the experience that there is no Consciousness; now, something changed for that ‘I’…, when waking comes?

Q: Like, it sounds completely nice, in the logical and the interpretative aspects of it, by looking at the…,

A: Now, is there a different ‘I’? The ‘I’ who experienced no Consciousness…, is there a different ‘I’ now that is here, that experiences Consciousness?

Q: Are you asking ‘What is constant’?

A: Yes, yes. What is constant?

Q: Of course, just by logic…,

A: No logic. There’s no experience of constancy of anything? The ‘I’ is just a concept, just like logic? The ‘I’ which saw there’s no Consciousness and the I which is seeing now that there is Consciousness…, this one is just logic or concept?

Q: There seems to be this Consciousness which is knowing, like, which knows everything.

A: I don’t know. What do you mean?

Q: So, for example, this experience of this body is here, and there’s a knowing of this experience. And there’s knowing that I had a dream; and I can say with full confidence that I knew the experience of the dream; and when the transition happened from the dream state to the waking state. And if there’s anything I can call that remained conscious throughout the transition, then I would say that there’s this Knowing.

A: This Knowing…

Q: Because, like, this Knowing is not an object that I can clearly identify.

A: If it is an object, then it would have to be known?

Q: Yes.

A: By Knowing…, which is not an object.

Q: Yes.

A: Isn’t it? So this Knowing…, can you keep it aside? You say ‘I cannot clearly find it’. I’m saying ‘Can you lose it now?’ Show me. There is no Knowing?

Q: This I tried many times; I can’t lose.

A: You can’t do. Is there a ‘You’ which is apart from this knowing?

Q: Father, again we are just going through the…,

A: Inquiry … [Chuckles] Just doing that; experiencing the inquiry.

Q: Like the mind…,

A: Mind is also known. As what? As the energy of thoughts. [Silence]

What does it have to say about this Knowing? [Silence]

What is the distance between this Knowing and you? [Silence]

This mind that appears; is that more the ‘I’? Or is this ‘Knowing’ more ‘I’? [Silence]

So, when this mind comes and goes, does the Knowing remain? Or no?

So, do you come and go along with the mind? Or you stay with the Knowing?

Q: So, if this Knowing is Conscious within these states, like the sleep state and the waking state. And in the sleep state, there was no space, no dimensions…, and now, there is a whole bunch of it…, because of the fact that Awareness is the basis of all experience. So, for example, this hand is here; there’s an awareness of it.

A: What do you mean by ‘awareness of it’?

Q: Awareness of it means there’s a knowing that this hand is here. The experience of the sensations is present here.

A: So, is the experience of the sensations the Knowing?

Q: No. The knowing of these experiences.

A: The knowing of the experience of the hand is Awareness.

Q: Yes. There are these visuals, audio, energy.

A: Yes. The Knowing (that all these energies are experienced) is Awareness. Okay.

Q: But I don’t feel like it is dimension-less. I feel like it is completely into the experience.

A: Because you’re confusing the phenomenal experiencing with the Awareness of them.

Q: So, if I would coin the term, then I would say ‘The space like Awareness’ is here.

A: And it’s like space; it has dimensions like space, Awareness?

Q: Yes.

A: And who knows this? [Silence] What are the dimensions of That which knows this?

Q: [Silence]

A: So, the phenomenal witnessing, the phenomenal experiencing, has been confused as Awareness. You’re perceiving all of this phenomenally.

And this Space of Being in which all of this perceiving is going on…, this is also Known. The Knowingness Itself does not have dimension.

[The questioner was talking about writing down the repetitive thoughts]

I feel it’s a very good practice actually, to not let them [the beliefs] float about. And we have put some specific focus on this. But I don’t want it to just be a template for our belief system, because that doesn’t help. That’s why what I have suggested is that we make a notebook or a page which says that ‘These are surrendered beliefs’ and we write them over there.

You’ll see that just by categorizing them like that, that these [beliefs] are already surrendered. They start to lose whatever seeming power they might have. But it’s not a bad thing; especially it’s very helpful with denial. We spoke [earlier] about truthfulness and integrity. A lot of these beliefs, because they seem so subtle, we end up denying them. That is why it’s very useful to pluck them out, look into it, shine our light completely on them, and then hand them over.

Who am I?

I perceive the objects of this world.

I am aware of them but they are not aware of I.

I perceive the sensations that seem to define this body

including the sensations of my head and my face.

I am aware of them, they are not aware of I.

Who am I?

Who is the I that is aware even of all of these sensations?

And one by one we go through all of our experiences in this way.

I am aware of the thoughts, they come and go.

When a thought is present, I am aware of the thought.

When the thought is absent, I am aware of no-mind.

Therefore, neither mind nor no-mind am I.

Who am I?

Whatever emotions, sensations might exist here,

I am aware of them, they are not aware of I.

Who is this I that is aware of all of this phenomenal existence?

Even this sense of existence, the sense of Being,

my own Presence, I Am,

I is aware of this ‘I Am’.

But even this ‘I Am-ness’, this Being,

is not aware of I.

Who is this I?

I see that as Being is here, when Being is present,

then the play of this world is present,

and all of this appearance called life is present,

but I am aware even of my sleep, when nothing is.

Neither body, the outside appearances,

feelings, thoughts, emotions, imagination, memory,

all of this is not I.

Even the sense that ‘I exist’ dissolves,

yet I remain

as what?

I am aware even of nothing.

Whether it is nothing or something,

the awareness remains unchanged, untouched.

Where is this I in relation to this Awareness?

I see that I am no thing.

There is no separation between Awareness and I.

Therefore this Awareness-I-Am,

prior even to the sense I Am.

Unchanging, unmoving, unconcerned,

with no attributes, no labels.

All that comes and goes,

comes and goes within Me.

Within the ‘I’ that is space-less, all space is born.

Within the ‘I’ that is time-less, all time seems to appear.

I Am That,

I Am This.

Q: Father, reading ‘End of Your World’ [by Adyashanti] and there is a whole portion about Truthfulness that Adya has written about. How important is it to be truthful, especially to yourself, in this seeming journey? Can you talk about this Father, a little bit?

A: Various levels of truthfulness, isn’t it?

So the first level is the phenomenal level or the worldly level of Truthfulness when mostly we talk about being truthful we are saying you are not lying about the Appearance that came to you. So first is this worldly level. Your mother says ‘Don’t lie. Don’t lie that you came first in class or something’. You see? So in terms of the appearances playing out, one is that level of truthfulness that ‘This is what actually happened in my day to day life’ and we are being truthful about that.

Now there is a deeper level of integrity which sages like [Nisargadatta] Maharaj has spoken about very often. And this integrity means two aspects.

One is using the minimum amount of words to just report on what is your direct experience with as little mental interpretation as possible. So when we are talking about integrity and truthfulness on this seeming spiritual path, we are talking about remaining as true to our direct experience as possible, knowing that words do not fully express the truth but keeping them as empty of mental interpretation as possible. So this is the first part of integrity.

The second part of integrity is to not be in denial of what you are experiencing. Because very often what can happen is that the spiritual ego will deny to yourself and to the rest of the world that some sense of suffering, some sense of resistance is coming, that some ideas are still being believed in.

So what will happen is that we might still be believing ideas about ourselves and it could be very spiritual ideas like ‘I am awake and I am special and I am free’ or something like this. Or it could be ideas about relationships or any other worldly phenomena but actually there is belief in them, there is conditioning about them. But what is happening is that because we have heard concepts like ‘I am nothing’ or ‘I am That’ or ‘There is no Doer’ then we are just using concepts as denial for what is our direct experience. So if suffering is experienced, we resist even the resistance called suffering, thereby making it worse by being in denial of it using some Advaita or spiritual concepts.

So when we are speaking about truthfulness we are talking about both these aspects; staying true to your direct experience of ‘What is’ and not denying that which seems to be contrary to your beliefs about who you are.

So in this way, when we stay with this and we are open, we are not using concepts for any sort of denial. Because all the greatest Advaita Sages actually have said also that Advaita can be the best excuse. Adya himself says that Advaita is the best excuse for bad behavior because there is no ‘Doer’. So in this way then, this is not integrity. This is just, (to use another of his terms), this is just being a ‘spiritual jerk’.

So if you are still coming from a mental concept, no matter how glorious or spiritual it might sound, then it is not truthful. It is still in the realm of interpretation. Then the idea can come ‘But I have to use the mind to communicate’. Actually, ultimately that is not true. But I know where you are coming from. That’s why I am saying in as little terminology as possible that if you can point to your direct experience without being arrogant or falsely humble then that qualifies as enough truthfulness.

So why did I say that ‘Ultimately even that is not true, that we have to use the mind to communicate?’ Because as you hand over this mind, as you give up this mind, then you will find that there is the voice of your intuitive Presence, the voice of the Satguru Itself, which can then use the mouth.

And how to tell the difference between these two? When it is coming from the mind you can always smell some grasping, some need; wanting to be seen as something, wanting a particular outcome.

But when it is coming from your intuitive Presence, it is just sharing for the beauty of it. There is so much space, there is so much love and peace in that. And there is no concern about the outcome of it.

So as we give up on this mind then we find that this intuitive Presence starts becoming available to us. Actually, all of us, from very early on, we have a very strong intuitive sense of what is true and what is not. Even children know this. They can smell lies on themselves and on others also. So, this sense of truthfulness is very, very native by design.